Roach: Coming Home
by sodapop765
Summary: PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS. Who was Roach? What if Roach didn't die but was only wounded and he escaped with Fool and so did Alice? Roach and Alice found their families and this is their new lives. Part 1 of a series Warning:Rape&abuse RoachXAlice FoolXAlic.
1. Escape

Disclaimer: I don't own 'The People Under the Stairs" and never will.

Roach watched Alice through the cracks in the walls and loose paintings that only he knows about. She was sewing a doll, another kill. Sometimes he thought of her as a proud mother with her felt children, other times he though of her as a reaper capturing the souls of those unlucky enough to wander into hell on earth in her box. It had been that way for about four months though it was hard to tell time in the house because the house was always the same. Never changing, on the inside anyway. Roach knew that the world was still turning outside but he didn't know how. His knowledge of the world didn't go past 1981 when Mommy took him from the park. He was so dumb back then, he should have run away with his sister, what was her name again? Lonna? Donna? Yes, Donna. He should have run back to real Mommy and Daddy with her instead of going with Mommy. He hated himself for making that mistake. Roach always watched everything, nothing much else to do in the walls but watch and wait. Wait to live, wait to die. Wait for an absolution that he feared may never come. He even dreamed of death to come and end it all for him but then who would watch over Alice? His didn't dare dream of escape though. That was a foolish fairytale like the ones his real mother, what was her name? Amanda. Yes, it was like the fairytales Amanda used to tell. To wait and watch was his place in this half life he and Alice had in the confinements of the house. If he had a half life then the people under the stairs had a quarter life. Or maybe they had a half life because Daddy still called them people but he was called a thing; the thing between the walls. Maybe Messenger had a fifth life because he was born under the stairs. Maybe Headbanger had the quarter life because she was a woman. Maybe her baby would be like Messenger and have a fifth life. All this thinking was giving him a headache. Roach was thrown from his musings as he heard a knock at the door. He crawled through the walls getting as close to freedom as he could possibly get to and saw the next victim. Pity, he was so young and was about to have his life cut short. It was a boy in a bear scout uniform, and he was selling food. The though of food made Roach stomach rumble so loudly he fear Mommy might hear it. Maybe he could get the cookies he was selling after Mommy got through with him. She got kinda careless after a kill, last time he managed to get a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. He knew that he shouldn't be smoking but Daddy had gotten him started and they did calm the nerves and suppress the appetite. He needed his nerves calmed, he was always scared. Fear was always in the house, it hung over the house like a thick fog. He hated how Alice feared, she always feared. He feared too, for her. He feared for her as Mommy smacked her for this and that and Daddy whipped her for doing something bad. Something bad for him. He took a shaking breath as he remembered the events of the previous night, Alice fed him. He didn't ask but she did anyway knowing the penalty if she was caught. And she was. He heard her scream as Daddy took his belt to her but he was grateful that he didn't hurt her face, he pretty angel like face. He hovered over her singing her cut out tongue lullabies that night that he couldn't remember that well but he knew his mother used to sing them. His real mother not the demon known as Mommy. He crawled through the walls and hovered above Mommy. He wasn't scared of her anymore; he hated her almost as much as he hated Daddy. It wasn't hate, it was a burning loathing that masked all fear but to say he wasn't afraid of anything would be a lie plain and simple. He feared like all men fear but he feared things that most would never have to fear, he feared for his life, his well being, his very soul at times. He feared for Alice and the day that Mommy would cut out her eyes, ears, and tongue and throw her into the cellar where someone would claim her and she'd spend the remainder of her life doing unspeakable things, like him. Mommy told the boy to go away, well he could always get some preserves from the cabinets when she went upstairs to check on Alice. The cabinets were locked from the outside, not the inside. Speaking of Alice he'd better check on her. He crawled through the vents until he got to her room. She was sewing a doll of the boy. Sometimes Roach though of her as a proud mother presiding over her felt and cotton children, other times he though of her as a reaper taking the souls of those stupid enough to wander into this hell hole. He watched her a bit more loving the light, fluttery feeling he got when he was near her. It was like dancing of the edge of happiness and nervousness; it was both good and bad and he never wanted it to end though. He looked at her as she sewed slowly, she always sewed. She sewed until her fingers were rubbed down and raw and her face sweaty and flushed. He kept on watching her until she was done.

'**Well that's enough of that.' **Thought Roach as he made through the crevasse of the wall to the kitchen and heard voices. They weren't laughing or yelling or even crying like he was used to, no they were talking, just talking. This startled him, there were actual burglar's in the house! Daddy would definitely take this out of Mommy's hide, she was almost as much a prisoner as they were. At times he felt sympathy to her but he always swiftly punished himself for it. She didn't deserve anybody's sympathy or compassion He pushed the cabinet door open from the inside and risked a peak. They really were burglars! Well, the man maybe, the boy didn't really look like he wanted to be there. Come to think of it, it was the same boy as before. Well, it was good that the people under the stairs got something to eat and Alice was getting bored so this would give her the chance to make another soul holder doll. Yep, this was turning out to be a good day for everyone he knew personally. Those were the only people he cared about, those he knew personally. It wasn't good to think of anyone else because they would just end up dead anyway. But there was a twinge of guilt which got worse as the seconds turned into minutes. Damh that conscience and empathy! He wanted to scream as loud as he could as he made his way to the cellar. Now was a great time to develop a moral compass. He watched the boy for a moment never giving away his position, he was a runaway slave and if he ever dared come to the cellar they said that they'd kill him. The boy didn't know that he had just stumbled into the figurative and literal pit of hell. The boy made his way over to Boss's TV. Roach was tempted to tell him that even though Boss had his eyes cut out for seeing evil he still had that TV that only he could watch and touch and the punishment for watching or touching was having your hand broken or at least fractured. He also wanted to tell the boy to get the hell out of the cellar and out the way he came before Mommy came back with Daddy but he had to settle on jumping on him. Sometimes he missed having a tongue. Maybe that wasn't the best idea. OK, it was a horrible idea but his mind didn't work so well on two days without sleep. He really seemed to scare the boy. Badly. The boy began to try and throw him off as he screamed at him to get out in his own intelligible way. Sometimes he missed having a tongue or at least having people understand him. The boy threw him off and into a pile of tires and he banged up his shoulder and probably cracked a rib. It didn't bother Roach to much, he had learned long ago to turn off the pain of a fracture or cut or burn. It was times like these he resented not having a tongue, well he had a tongue but it was only a little more than half a tongue. He could still do what people made him do even though he hated it more than life it' self and Alice could still understand him. Well, so could everyone in the house. It wasn't that hard to understand tongue-less if you listen to it long enough. The boy ran to the stairs and he followed, holding his side in the process. Stupid fracture. The boy began to bang on the door attracting Alice's attention. Why was she even on this floor? She should have been in her room where it was safe. Roach grabbed onto his leg and yelped as one of his nails popped off. Well, seven more where that came from. The boy slammed the door, almost hitting his hand. Well if he had a death wish it was his business but right now he had to get out before someone got into the walls to get him. He wasn't the first person to go into the walls and the others would go only they were afraid of what was up there. He didn't blame them, their lives were all they had left and they weren't worth much. He decided to go up to the main house through the crematorium chimney and sighed as several obscenities were shouted his way. He hated the people under the stairs and they hated him. Well most of them hated him anyway about three he could consider allies but not friends. Well, maybe Headbanger was his friend. He wished she was, he got the same queasy, fluttery feeling around her as he did Alice. Alice was his only friend for real. He, made his way up to the main level and heard a car. Uh-oh, Mommy and Daddy were back. Double uh-oh, the boy and the man were still in the house. He felt sorry for the boy who looked quite young, having his life cut short. Well, he had bigger things to worry about. His finger was bleeding and he needed to wrap it in something before Prince smelled the blood. He hated that dog. He intended to go up to Alice's room to warn her but the house went on lockdown. Not a problem for him at all. As he made his way through the walls he noticed heavy breathing, too heavy to be the boys. It was the man from earlier, maybe it was the boy's father? Maybe he should try and help him? Well, might as well. What harm could it do? He was gonna die anyway. Roach made a grab for him but he got scared and jumped out of his hiding place, right at Daddy. Roach cursed under his breath, this was turning out to be a very bad day for him. The man screamed run fool at Daddy, like that would help. Roach covered his ears as he made his way through the walls. Most people would be pretty shaken up by what just transpired but Roach had seen so many horrible things in fifteen years of life he was used to it. He made his way to Alice's room but discovered that she wasn't there. Panic set in. Where was she!? He grew more and more panicked as he made his way through the walls until he finally screamed. Daddy heard him and shot at him. Yes, this was what he needed he laughed and ran through the walls. He began to forget about Alice and everything and began to only focus on the chase. The chase was the only time he ever got to truly live. But then the chase stopped as Mommy told Daddy that there were police out back. Oh no. Panic once again began to set in. He crawled through the walls once again looking for her but he once again became side tracked.

"You come in here and I'm gonna kick your ass!" yelled a heavily accented voice. It was the boy. Without thinking Roach jumped out from behind the cabinet screamed and said come on. One of the few things he could still say. Why he didn't think of that before he'd never know. As he pushed the through the catacombs that were his home he was filled with a million questions, most of them being did they fix the way you came in at? He was tempted to attempt to ask but he had a bigger problem, Prince. He lead the boy through the Christmas light filled alcove that was his makeshift bedroom and the boy asked if that was his place. They were running for their lives from a man eating attack dog and that was his most pressing question? Maybe he was stupid. That would explain a lot. He felt a plan forming in his head. He took the doll out of the boys hand and tossed it to Prince who he had lead to the trap door, then he pulled the leaver. That trapped door was his crowning achievement, good for getting rid of dogs and people. But mostly dogs. He laughed loudly and so did the boy. He pushed the boy through the walls to Alice's room. '**Thank god'** thought Roach he saw her. She looked terrified and shook visibly. He wanted to hold her close and whisper pleasant nothings to her until she calmed down but he knew that there were some things that you just didn't with company in the room. For the first time in ten years he felt a glimmer of hope, not just for himself but for Alice too. For their escape from this pit of hell, for their chance to be truly free and not ghosts of what they were made by Mommy and Daddy. For the first time he allowed himself to hope, to be happy. Really, truly happy. He even smiled, not one of those fake smiles he had to give for Mommy when she said good boy or the smiles he had to give to Alice when she asked if he was OK but an actual smile. He looked at the boy, then at Alice, then the boy again. He hated awkward silences, which was a bit ironic considering the fact that he was a mute.

"T-Thanks." Said the boy. Roach smiled and nodded.

"**Here it comes." **Thought Roach as he got a questioning look from the boy.

"He doesn't talk much, does he?" this question was directed at Alice who was still shaking.

"H-His tongues cut out." Stuttered Alice as she shook a bit less

"**Well, that's my cue." **Thought Roach as he stuck out his stump of a tongue. He even waved his finger in front of it for emphasis. It hurt like hell at first but now he could barely feel it, he wasn't so sure that that was a good thing though

"Oh man." Said the boy turning away with a look of disgust. Roach was tempted to stick his tongue stump out again just to be a jerk but though against it.

"W-well mommy caught him trying to call for help one day and daddy had to teach him-"started Alice getting a little less afraid

"Speak no evil right." Finished the boy. Roach began to remember that day, his first failed escape plan and bit at his lower lip. He began to zone out, now was not the time to have one of his freak outs.

"Your father's one sick muthuh, actually your mother's on sick muthuh too." Said the boy alarming both him and Alice. No one in their right mind would ever think to say that about them. Those were things you only thought.

"Shh. You're speaking evil!" whispered Alice and Roach put a finger to his lips. He didn't want anybody to end up like him. Ever. The boy gave them both a look and an awkward silence soon followed. Roach began to think in that awkward silence. Maybe the boy could help them escape or at least distract Daddy. Roach had managed to open a window the previous day but there was nothing to hold onto, it was just a straight drop off the roof and he knew that there was no way to survive a fall like that. But maybe they could climb to where the drain pipes were and slide down. He'd have to think about what they'd do after they escaped. The police were out of the question, they never helped. They always fell for Mommy and Daddy's charade. Maybe he could find his parent's house if they hadn't moved or died. Or maybe he could take his coin collection and start a new life for the two of them.

"Roach" Said Alice motioning to him, "Roach is my friend." Roach looked startled as he heard his name, how long was he out for? He sometimes blacked out or got lost in his thoughts but always came to sometime later.

"Roach?" asked the boy. Roach nodded. "I'm Poindexter."

"Poidestah?" said Roach to Alice. What the heck kind of name was that? Was that his real name? If it was he felt a bit sorry for this kid unless it was now a normal name on the outside. He hadn't been out there for the better part of ten years.

"But everyone calls me Fool." Finished the boy. And Roach though his real middle name was bad, must suck to be this kid. He wondered why he was called Fool. Maybe he wasn't the stupid kind of Fool, just the ignorant kind because He looked like he was just starting out.

"Foo?" asked Roach as he extended his hand. The boy seemed wary of touching him. Roach couldn't blame him, he hadn't bathed in months. His hands were filthy and callused as well as cut in some places, he wouldn't want to touch himself either if he were Fool

"We sure got the names huh?" said Fool. Roach laughed and nudged Alice who clearly didn't get it. She didn't get a lot of things.

"This Leroy? Why you make these?" asked Fool as he found Alice's doll box.

"**Well, there goes the mood." **Thought Roach as he followed Alice to the bed and picked up his doll, Alice made one of him when she was sure he would die. That was before he was Roach and he didn't like to remember anything from before he was Roach. Before he was Roach he was Mommy an Daddy's puppet good boy but he was actually a very bad boy. He was bad and proud of it because if being their little puppet was good than he didn't want to be good.

"To hold the souls of burglars when they died, or salesmen, workmen, other people who saw too much." Said Alice as Fool saw so many dolls. So many souls lost to this place. So many lives cut short. Fool began to rift through the dolls of men, women, and children when everything went to hell.

"Ehh!" yelled daddy as he burst through the door almost taking it off of it's hinges. Roach gasped and momentarily forgot about Fool as he dove into the vent.

"**Well Fool, it was nice knowing you." **Thought Roach as he tryed to escape. Just as he made it into the wall, into safety, Daddy clipped him. Roach half moaned, half screamed as he made his way back to his 'room'. He picked up a needle and thread he had taken from Alice and began the meticulous task of sewing himself back together like a rag doll. This was the worst pain Roach had ever experienced in his fifteen years of life, but a new plan had formed. Daddy didn't know he only clipped him, he thought he was dead, which was good. He could save Alice, and Fool because he couldn't just let him die now that he knew him personally. He could also save Headbanger and maybe even Stairmaster who wasn't that cruel to him and they were one tongue-less speaking terms. Maybe Messenger too but Roach got the feeling that he was beyond saving. He had spent his whole life under the stairs and seemed terrified at the thought of escape. Poor guy, never knowing freedom, not even servitude to Mommy and Daddy. The only servitude Messenger knew was to the leader and the leader's successor and his successor etcetera, etcetera. Once they were out they could get to a hospital, or his parents house. He wondered if they still lived there or maybe they moved. If they moved he knew for sure that his grandparents didn't, they said that they hadn't moved since the Depression and never would. They might be dead though, they were really old. Maybe Alice still remembered hers, he'd have to ask her again. He made his way down to the seller barely registering mommy's shouts and feeling a pang of sorrow for Alice's s cries. Each cry cut through him like a thousand knives of fire and acid. He hated how Alice couldn't live, couldn't even breathe without Mommy's permission. He asked for nobody's permission and he wished that Alice had that same freedom. He was in the cellar and Daddy was preparing to feed the people under the stares the leftovers from the body he was gutting. He looked over at Fool and for a moment could understand what was bothering him but then he came to a realization; this wasn't normal. Seeing a body hanging from a meat hook and being gutted was common place for Roach but not in the outside. In fact, the more he tried to remember the outside the less he could. Daddy's distraction with the body was perfect, if he get the key to the handcuffs that bound Fool he could free them and then he could open the padlock door the people under the stairs would get Daddy and possibly eat him before killing him or maybe do a bit of torture first. Daddy deserved no better in Roach's opinion. Just as Roach was about to free Fool Daddy did something surprising, he gave Fool to the people under the stairs thinking that they would kill him. They would never kill a new person, they would keep them as slaves if they were just trespassers. Not all of the people under the stairs were children that couldn't measure up, some were trick-or-treaters or scouts or just plain unlucky. This could be a real problem, but hey, problems are meant to be solved, right? Daddy left up the stairs, he couldn't stay in the cellar too long partly because of the smell and partly because he was just a tiny bit afraid. After he was gone Roach dove into the brine and got the corpse before the hatch could open all the way. It was heavy and unsanitary but hey, once they were out he could take all the baths he wanted. He pretended the corpse was coming to life and prayed that Fool didn't run to the back of the corral as well. This was foretold in the prophesy of a long dead person under the stairs named Oracle; she said that the end would come when the dead walk and the mute talk. Roach didn't believe a word, he had read in the bible what the end of the world would be like but they were so crazy they'd believe anything.

"Roach!" said Fool. Roach must have done something really good in a past life or something because this was going unusually well. Talk about turning a day around!

Roach climbed out of the brine biting his lower lip as he felt some of the filthy water invading his wound. He really hoped that he didn't get an infection. If the wound didn't kill him the infection would. This was going great! Much better than the other plan. Free! He was going to free! The thought of free both excited and terrified him. He almost wanted to stay in the place that been his home for the past ten years; he knew no other place in good memory. He shook his head, he'd have to punish himself for having these thoughts later but right now he had to free Fool before they came back. They probably wouldn't kill him but being a slave wasn't much better. He began to look for where daddy put the keys, he didn't have the best night vision, he hadn't been under the stairs away from adequate light for long enough to develop night vision.

"It's right there Roach!" said Fool as he shown a flashlight on the keys. Roach was tempted to tell him to put it down; taking someone's flashlight was a huge offence. Actually, stealing from anyone was a huge offence no matter what it was you were stealing. Roach got the keys and ran to the corral. He could see some of the more adventurous people slowly making their way toward Fool. He opened the door and pulled Fool out as hard as he could then quickly locked the door. Yes, he could let the people under the stairs out but for him that would mean certain death at their hands and certain death for Alice as well. Their was a vendetta against anyone who got into the walls and their was a vendetta against anyone who killed or caused the death of someone. Roach shook his head as if to physically dislodge these thoughts, he didn't need to remember _that day _right now. The day that former leader Bites died. He had shown the much healthier Roach how to get into the walls and was about to tell him how to escape when Daddy killed him and Roach ran. Bites was too old, older than Messenger they said, to escape. Their wise old leader could barely move by that point.

"I told you to keep it quiet down there, you're driving me nuts!" yelled Daddy as he sent Prince down to scare the people under the stairs and possible bit them if he could squeeze under the bars. He probably couldn't though, that dog had grown fat over the years. He pushed Fool into the furnace as if to say 'in here'. Once they were in Roach cringed in pain. Now normally he had a high tolerance for pain but this was unbareable.

"Roach, you're shot! We gotta get you to a hospital!" said Fool in a panicked voice as he saw Roaches gunshot wound. Roach put a hand to Fool's chest as if to say stay there and he climbed up the smoke pipe. This was where he had hidden his coin collection all those months ago. He wondered if Daddy noticed; he probably did. He counted that money a thousand times and noticed that quite a bit of it was missing. He only took it to make Daddy man; money wasn't worth anything to the people under the stairs. Food, some sort of tool, cigarettes which Daddy sometimes threw to them with new flashlight batteries, and sex were the only things with value. Well that and slaves but nobody was going to trade a slave for anything unless someone had a horde of food that hadn't been discovered. He fell back down into the furnace with a thud. Stars dances across his vision as some of the thread came loose and blood began to run down his side. He wasn't too afraid of death; to die would be a very big adventure. He began to suspect that this fearlessness was from the blood loss. He screamed loudly and Fool hit the back of the furnace from surprise.

"Good dog, Prince! Good dog!" called Daddy down the stairs.

"Heerw (Here)" said Roach as he handed Fool a tiny satchel he had found in the attic. Inside was his coin collection that he really had no use for but he knew that Fool probably needed the money since that's the only reason people came in here anyways.

"A coin collection, Leroy was right." Said Fool as he held the coins up to the light of the flashlight.

"Yeah" said Roach in a voice that was barely audible "Come on." Roach could say some words, ones that you didn't have to hit the roof of your mouth or your teeth to say. He was grateful for the amount of tongue he had. Some had more and some had less. Stairmaster had the most so and Roach was a bit jealous but then he reminded himself that Stairmaster didn't really need to be able to speak semi-clearly; everyone could understand tongue-less. Roach and Fool began to climb through the walls as silently as possible; Fool lacked the careful crawling that Roach had though at the moment Roach couldn't be careful. Roach had to bite his lower lip in an effort not to scream as he felt some more blood running down his thigh and leg. He could feel death's cold hand on his shoulder. His one regret was that he couldn't tell Alice the three most important words that you could ever say to someone. True she could understand him but every time he tried he got nervous and changed the subject.

"Did you tell him anything?! 'Cause if you did you know what I'll do!" it was Daddy and he was with Alice. Daddy was alone with Alice! That scared Roach more than the blood loss and the though of him dying put together. He had noticed the unnamed looks that daddy had given Alice since Molly, their real daughter, escaped or possibly died trying to escape. Roach was fading in and out of Headbanger's explanation. Molly was to be with both Headbanger and Boss but when she escaped he turned his attentions toward Headbanger. Boss saw what Daddy was doing and had his eyes cut out and Mommy cut off Headbanger's ears. They were the boy and girl children before him and Alice. He pushed Fool to go faster, as of late Daddy had been getting closer and closer to doing what Roach feared but he never did. It was harder and harder to snatch children and apparently Mommy couldn't have anymore so Daddy restrained himself. He also restrained himself because he was afraid of Roach; afraid of the enemy he couldn't see. He didn't know where he was and if Roach ever plucked up the courage to take a life he'd take Daddy's. Daddy never showed his fear though, he was a man and men didn't show fear. Especially not fear of children.

"I killed you're skinny friend in the walls! What do you think of that!" yelled Daddy as Alice cried. Roach wanted to do nothing but hold her to his chest and never let her go. He hated her cries and her fears. He hated the bruises and burns hat criss-crossed over her skin like ribbons. He wanted to make them all go away; the pains and the fears until all their was left was happiness. He wanted Daddy to suffer though, suffer the worst tortures that his mind could conjure. He wanted to put Daddy into a nightmare world from which there was no waking. To drive him mad with worry and fear until he couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to cut out his eyes, ears, and tongue and lock him in the deepest, darkest pits of hell. Alice began to cry no. He wanted to re assure her but knew that this had to be handled delicately. All the best plans were handled delicately; his original escape plan wasn't and look what happened.

"Oh I got him good and the black one to!" said Daddy as he threw Alice on the bed. Roach pushed Fool forward in panic and scurried through the vent. He ran up to Daddy and sucker punched him in the back of the head before he could even register his presence. He cackled loudly at that as he pulled Alice toward the vent. This was pure bliss!

"He said he killed you!" said Alice in shock. Was he a ghost?

"He exaggerated!" said Fool as they climbed through the vent. A bit more quickly as Daddy reached an arm into the vent.

"Gonna kill you!" yelled Daddy into the vent

"Shuh da fuck up! (Shut the fuck up)" yelled Roach as he scurried along ignoring the searing pain and dizziness. As they went they heard Prince barkingfor blood. This was bad; this was really, really, incredibly bad!

"Go!" yelled Roach at Fool who for some odd reason had stopped running

"I'm not runnin' anymore." Said Fool as he turned to face Prince

"**How ungrateful, I risk my life and look what happens." **Though Roach as he and Alice tried to pull Prince off of Fool. Was this kid suicidal or something? Prince was bigger than he was and had jaws strong enough to bite through bone.

"Get back!" yelled Fool as he banged Prince against the wall attracting the attention of Daddy. Well wasn't this just peachy keen? Roach vowed never to trust anyone that wasn't Alice with his life again.

"**You really are a Fool." **Though Roach as he watched the scene with horror. Well, he was going to die soon anyway but Alice still had time until her dresses got too constricting around her thighs and chest and her voice too deep. That was when Mommy's eyes would bleed green and she'd be sent under the stairs as if she had any control over growing up. That was what happened to Scribe's wife Singer. Roach had noticed and knew that it was only a matter of time. If she was put under the stairs Roach vowed to take her as his wife before anyone else could lay claim to her. She wasn't going to end up like him. He silently promised her that.

"Gonna find you!" yelled Daddy as he began stabbing into the wall with his bayonet attached to his gun. Roach wondered how no one ever suspected anything even though Daddy owned all of these dangerous weapons. The police sometimes came to their house but were always lead away quickly by Mommy.

"Ge awa from da wawl(Get away from the wall) !" yelled Roach panicked as he held onto Alice.

"Get away from the wall! Get away from the wall!" yelled Alice as she grabbed onto Roach. Fool banged Prince against the wall until Daddy stabbed him.

"**Clever boy!" **Though Roach as he lead the way slowly to the attic. Only he knew the way through the walls.

"Gotch ya!" yelled Daddy as Mommy came into the room.

"You got him?!" asked Mommy

"Yeah!"

"Which one?"

"I dun no." Said Daddy simply

"Well find out!" said Mommy and with that they began to climb toward the attic. Roach began to see little black dots swarm across his vision as more of the thread came undone

"Roach, you're bleeding!" said Alice as she saw the blood spot on his shirt. Roach made an OK sign with his fingers and put his hand over hers.

"Hey, you can see the lights from the ghetto from here!" said Fool interrupting them "Never though smog could smell so good." The fresh air did smell good. It smelled just like freedom. Roach sighed as he remembered freedom. He went over some of his memories of his family and the outside. He looked sadly at Alice; she had no memories of the outside. She couldn't even remember her family or if she had brothers and sisters. He reached over and took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze

"We gonna have to climb down." Said Fool

"There's nothing to hold onto, just a straight fall off the roof." Said Alice as she held Roach arm tightly. She was afraid to leave but at the same time wanted to. She was feeling queasy and happy at the same time as well as the dizzy walking on air feeling she usually got around Roach. She buried her head in his chest not minding his smell, it was a combination of sweat and dust and to Alice it was almost good. Almost.

"The water from the garden! The dip is right under us, we can jump."

"**Why didn't I think of that?" though Roach**

"I don't know how deep it is." Said Alice as they began to hear footsteps

"You upstairs Alice!?" yelled Daddy as he ran up the stairs

"Come on!" said Roach as he pulled her towards the window. It was now or never. His vision was fading out and he hoped that he could use his last seconds of life saving her. With his last breath he vowed to save her.

"I'm scared, what's out there?!"

"Du you tus me?(Do you trust me?)" asked Roach as he held her by the waist

Alice nodded and bit her lower lip

"De ump.(Then jump)" Said Roach as Fool jumped out the window. Daddy shot at the cushion next to him and feathers flew everywhere temporarily impairing Daddy's vision until he saw Roach trying his best to climb out of the window. He was barely conscious but he refused to die there. He'd rather die of drowning or falling out of a window than by Daddy's hand.

"Burn in hell you little animal shit!" yelled Daddy as he aimed the gun at Roach. Roach without thinking pushed Alice out the window and barely missed a bullet himself. He hit the water painfully, the rest of the thread getting dislodged. The made for the shore just as Daddy came out of the house with a shot gun. The ran to the front yard Roach being supported by the both of them

"Daddy! Never shoot your gun outside!" yelled Mommy through the open door

"They got away." Said Daddy disbelief written all over his face

"Get inside." Said Mommy as she pushed Daddy in not noticing Roach and Alice standing there in the bushes. Roach was breathing heavily now as he whispered those three words to Alice who didn't hear them "Go straight to your room and put on your suit."

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	2. Cullen family reunion

Disclaimer: whatever.

Stars danced across Roach's vision. The rest of the thread had come loose and was hanging down his flesh. He screamed. He really, really screamed. It was a loud, high scream that made people open their doors and windows to see what was going on. It was a scream loud enough to wake the people under the stairs and send the flocking to the filthy window. Everyone except for Messenger, he was too afraid of the outside to even risk a glance at the freedom he had never known. And they did. The watched as best they could, wiping at the dirty window with their tattered clothes. They couldn't believe that this had happened, Cockroach was free. He was out there free as can be for the last few moments of his life. It wasn't fair.

Daddy threw open the door and started firing his gun randomly. That made everyone scream blood curdling screams that shook the peacefulness of the formerly quiet summer's night. Now, when lots of people are screaming at once that is bound to draw some attention, mostly from neighbors, but there is screaming and gunfire that's going to attract the attention of a passing cop. He had been called out on a missing person call, a boy who was last seen at this house. The police had been called out seven times in the last few months and they were debating doing a thorough investigation. It was in debate because Eldon Robeson was a respected man and he and his wife were living the American dream.

"C'mon Alice, help me carry him." Said Fool as he held Roach up. It was no use, he knew he was gonna die, no point in prolonging the inevitable. Fool seemed to have the childish hope that Roach was going to live. What Roach would have given to be able to hope like that, but there was no hope in this world. No hope, no peace, no freedom, no solace. There was only grief, rage, pain, fear, and loneliness. He decided to look on the bright side as he had done in times past; he would be free. Free only in death.

"Fool, how much farther to this hospital place?" asked Alice as she helped support him. She wasn't looking to good either, they had jumped out a window after crawling through the vents, something Alice was not as used to as he was. She had barely gotten out before Daddy came out and tried to get them and she was barely able to stand as the fear paralyzed her. She didn't want to die but she didn't want to be in the house either. Well, she was beginning to long for the security that the house provided. What was out here? All her life she was told that the world was a dark sinful place and that she should be grateful for the safety that her house provided. She was to be thankful for being allowed to live, for eating, for being such a good girl. She was to be thankful for her parents who tolerated her badness and tried as hard as they could to make her perfect but she was so imperfect, like the dots on her skin or the wrinkles on Mommy's face as she screamed because of some horrible thing Alice had done. They tried to burn the evil out with water far too hot and too deep and beat it out. None of the blows ever penetrated deep enough. The evil was rooted too far beneath her skin, in her flesh, her bones, her very soul.

"We gotta keep goin' Alice! If we can get him to a hospital he's gonna be fine."

"Roach, Fool says you're going to be OK so I guess you are. We just have to keep going." Said Alice, her white dress getting stained with his blood. Alice. He loved her and he knew it. He loved her face her voice her ever so trusting personality. He loved the way her hair framed her face when she slept. He loved the way she'd sometimes shoot him a smile through the vent when no one was looking. He loved the way she'd ever so meticulously sew each doll until her face was flushed and her fingers rubbed down to the bone. He loved the way she'd bury her face in his chest for the simple comfort he provided. He hoped to see her smile for real, not the fake smiles she'd have to give because good children were always happy even as the blows reigned upon them, before he went into the abyss of death but now his chances were getting slimmer and slimmer as stars began to dance across his vision and a cold numbness was beginning to take the place of the pain. He knew that trying to stop the bleeding would be useless, it wasn't going to stop until his veins ran dry.

"Uhhice, I oove you. (Alice, I love you.)" Muttered Roach so quiet he could barely hear it. He had already told her before but she didn't hear him. She had to hear him, had to know. He had to know too. Did she love him? Maybe. Roach noticed the blushes and glances he was thrown when she though his attention was else where. He wished she at least hint at what she was feeling. He wished she'd say that she was feeling something wished that she'd say that she couldn't breath whenever she thought about him, couldn't speak whenever she talked about him, got lost in his eyes whenever they were together. He wished that she felt exactly what he felt for her but it looked like he never would. This was it. This was the end of the horror story that was his life. This was the-what the hell was that?

"A police car!" said Fool as he began to scream for help. Alice shrunk back, she didn't like loud noises. Roach would have screamed too but he couldn't find his voice through the cold numbness that had replaced the haze of pain. He knew that he was going to die, no use in prolonging the inevitable.

"What's the trouble kid?" asked the officer as he got out of his car not noticing Roach hanging limp like a rag doll

"Can you give us a ride to the hospital?" asked Fool dropping him a little. He didn't mind, he just wanted it to end.

"What the hell is going on here?!" asked the cop as he saw Roach, emaciated, pale, and bleeding to death. He also saw Daddy holding a powerful looking gun. He put two and two together and told Daddy to put his hands up. Now even Mommy was outside and trying to reason with him, he would hear none of it. The police had been called several times in the past few months because of reports of gunfire and missing persons. Everyone knew the rumors going on about that place and it was looking like a lot of them were true. Mommy had tried reasoning and now they were resisting. Daddy had his gun pointed at the cop and the cop called his buddy out of the car. Alice closed her eyes, covered her ears, and shut her mouth, knowing very well what was going to happen. She had seen an uncountable number of people die in her fourteen years of life but it still kinda bothered her. Roach was crying a little, half from the pain and half from what he knew was going to happen to Alice. She was going under the stairs. she was going to be taken and beaten and pinned down ad hurt. Just like him. Roach touched her hand lightly before falling out of consciousness. But then a wonderful thing happened, a neighbor had called an ambulance. If Roach had been conscious he would have jumped and screamed for joy, and kicked Daddy in the groin, head, and ribs. His prayers had been answered!

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Roach woke up slowly. Everything was swirl of white and he could hear a beeping sound. He tried to sit up but then he felt and excruciating amount of pain in his side. He felt strange, like he was numb all over.

"Roach, don't try and sit up. Maybe you shouldn't look down either, man." Said Fool. It was then that Roach realized he was in a bed. An itchy bed, but a bed none the less. He wondered if Daddy had killed all of them and they were in heaven as angels. They probably weren't because there was no pain in heaven. Oh no, they must be in that other place!

"Is he awake?" asked a woman in a green matching shirt and pants combo. Oh, they were in a hospital. He remembered hospitals from before he was Mommy and Daddy's son and had to have his appendix removed. The he looked around ignoring the pain it was causing him. Where was Alice!

"Yeah, he just woke up. You were asleep for almost a day, Roach." Said Fool. Roach now noticed that Fool had different clothes on. He also realized that he was a hospital gown. He hoped he got other clothes; his old ones stank and were probably covered in blood. He hoped that he got to keep his old clothes though, Alice made them for him and he had grown used to them meshing against his skin, irritating the raised brown bumps but not as much as the hospital gown did.

"Can you hear me?" asked the nurse. Roach nodded and was momentarily amazed, he had not seen a new woman person in quite a while. He hadn't seen a new person who wasn't dead in quite a while period. He didn't count the boys in the cellar, they weren't people.

"Can you tell me your name?" asked the nurse looking nervous.

"His name is Roach." Said Fool. Roach nodded no. he felt like laughing but his throat was too dry.

"Really?" asked Fool

"**Did you honestly think my real name was Roach?" **was what Roach though. He began to mime writing. The nurse took out a pencil and a tiny notebook out of her pocket.

"_David Mathias Cullen." _Wrote Roach as he handed her the paper. Fool gave him a questioning look

"OK David, can you tell me your address?"

"_4151 north Morrison, but my parents might have moved."_

"The Robeson;s weren't your parents?" asked the nurse. Roach nodded no. He remembered his kidnapping well. A woman had just picked him up right out of the park.

"_Where's Alice?" _asked Roach. Alice was his number one priority above all else, even himself.

"Who?"

"The girl we came in with. Her parents came and got her Roach, they were lookin' real hard for her." Said Fool. This made Roach both happy and terrified. Happy that Alice had parent's but scared for her well being. Who would protect her? She was just too fragile to be out on her own. Roach could defend himself but she couldn't.

"Excuse me, please." Said the nurse as she walked out of the room

"Roach, you gotta see this man!" said Fool as he turned on the TV.

"_Reports confirm that 12 children were kept confined in the house. One is currently being treated at North Mercy hospital, no word on his condition but he was apparently mutilated and showed signs of abuse. A girl taken from this house is currently residing with her parents after being kidnapped when she was just two years old. No word on the condition of the children taken from the cellar…"_

Fool flipped the channel.

"_The ancient Chinese proverb 'Hear no evil, See no evil, and speak no evil' takes a grim turn tonight as he bring exclusive interview with the girl taken from this house. Apparently the children who tried asking for help got their eyes, ears, and tongues cut out as punishment…"_

Fool flipped the channel again

"_We've just gotten word of the boy in North Mercy's identity. His name is David Cullen and he was taken when he was just five years old. He's in stable condition. We'll talk to the boy's parents. "_

"_I'm just glad to have him back and I hope they stick the motherfuckers who did this to him the chair!" _said a man who look like a red haired version of Roach

"_You people are vultures! Leave us alone, and you better leave him alone too! He's been through enough!" _said a woman who looked like Roach too, only her nose was smaller and her eyes were brown

"So those are your parents huh?" asked Fool as he turned off the TV. Roach could only nod in shock. He couldn't breathe, they were his parents. The parents that he hadn't seen since he was five years old. He was getting dizzy and he wondered if this was a dream. It couldn't have been a dream though, his dreams were nightmares.

"Roach, you OK?" asked Fool as Roach continued to stare. They remembered him. They loved him. Why hadn't they come for him? Why did they leave him to suffer like that? Roach always knew that all adults couldn't ever be completely trusted, no one bigger than him could ever be trusted. Ever. He closed his eyes tightly as tears began to collect in his eyes as memories crashed on his mind like waves upon the shore. Why? Why did this have to happen to him? What did he do to deserve this? Not just the cut out tongue, he knew what he did to deserve that, but the last ten years of his life. The last ten years of hell.

"Roach!" said Fool more urgently as he shook him a little. Bad move. The slight movement sent waves of pain through his body. It was near unbearable but he had had worse.

"Sop!(Stop)" said Roach. Fool instantly stopped and looked sorry. He also looked scared as Roach threw him a death glare. No one, not even his new friend was ever going to touch him again. No one except for Alice was ever gong to touch him anywhere ever again. Alice could touch him because he knew her for longer and had earned his trust but Fool was a new person. Stairmaster had been his first friend under the stairs and Roach made the mistake of letting him get too close and touch him. Roach blinked back more tears as he remembered being forced to his knees while his tongue stump was still bleeding, being forced to-No! He had to stop remembering. the remembering would do him no good. Besides, his time under the stairs was over and it was his fault for letting Stairmaster get to close. His fault.

"Sorry." Said Fool. Roach made an OK sign with his fingers and gave a convincing smile while being careful not to let his tongue-stump show. It was something he had learned from his time as the good boy, fake happiness because good children were always happy. Even during the beatings and burnings they had to be happy but Roach was a very bad child because during those times he was never happy. Alice was a very bad child too because of her tears and pleas which only made Daddy madder like pouring gasoline into a fire.

"If you people don't leave us alone you'll be hearing from our lawyers!" yelled a woman loudly. Fool looked out the door and saw the people from the TV at the front desk. Roach wanted to know what was going on. He grabbed onto the rails of his bed and attempted to get up. Bad move. He instantly fell back from the pain in his arm and side. He was beginning to fear that he would never be able to move again.

"Ma'am you can't do that! Ma'am!" shouted a nurse as the woman left the man at the front desk and began to walk down the hallway. The women and walked faster than the man. The woman looked happy and but the man looked completely and totally defeated.

"Hey Roach, your moms coming." Said Fool

"Weeree (Really?)?" asked Roach as he attempted to sit up slowly as not to bring the pain back. He wanted to never feel pain again. Pain was over. Over forever. He wanted to see his mother, the mother he had almost forgotten. He couldn't really remember her. The more he tried the more he forgot about her. Her and his father. Whenever Roach thought of his father

"Yeah really. Listen I gotta go, my mom's at this hospital too. Thanks for the coins and the whole showing me how to get out thing. I really owe ya one." Said Fool as he left. Roach waved goodbye. Fool didn't know that Roach was going to call him on that debt.

"Honey, honey, honey it might not be our David." Said a man's voice. It was a tried voice, a tired voice. It was the voice of a man who had been called out many times before, to police building and hospitals and morgues, for boys who resembled his oldest son. He used to hope but now he had lost all hope. He had long ago accepted his son as dead and almost completely moved on. He still had his moments of sitting in his son's old bedroom and just looking at everything, wondering what kind of man his son would have become if his life hadn't been cut short so early.

"Well what if it is?" said Amanda who even after ten years refused to give up hope. Quitters never prospered and if she just kept believing that he was alright and alive he would be. In her mind anyway but she had no idea that she was only half on both of those things.

"I'm just saying that we shouldn't be getting our hopes up."

"Ten years David. I've been waiting for ten years and I'm not waiting anymore!" and with that a woman stepped into his room. She looked like his mother, just older. And her clothes were different and her hair was poofy. Then the man stepped in. This was definitely his father, down to the rock n' roll t-shirt and ripped blue jeans. No more sideburns though, that was strange.

"David?" asked the woman in a small voice. Roach nodded, not taking his eyes off either of them. He attempted to sit up but gasped out in pain. This made the woman angry. Roach tensed up. He didn't know what he did but he wanted more than anything to say that he was sorry, to beg and plead as he had done before. This was one of those times he wished he still had his tongue.

"Why is my son in pain!" she yelled at a passing nurse who dropped her chart with a clang from surprise. This was stressful on all the staff as more and more of these children were brought in.

"What ma'am?" said the nurse trying to speak evenly

"My son is obviously in pain, what are you guys going to do about it?!" Amanda didn't know how to feel. On the one had she was beyond happy, euphoric even, on the other hand he was hurt and broken. He looked like a concentration camp survivor or a skeleton or even a rag doll but she knew in her heart that this was her son, her David. She was heart broken because of this.

"Ma'am we can't give him anymore morphine, he might overdose."

"Well if he overdoses it's a good thing he's in a hospital isn't it!"

"Ma'am shouting never solved anything." said the nurse who was used to dealing with unruly patients and their families.

"You haven't heard shouting!"

All the while Roach's father was staring at Roach trying to find any trace of his son in this boy. And boy did he find it. He had his eyes nose and ears. He was incredibly thin though. Skeletal even.

"Are you my David?" asked his father. Roach nodded slowly fearing this ma who was his father. Father's were dangerous in his opinion.

"Where have you been all this time?" Roach looked down. Here it comes. It was one thing to stick what's left of your tongue out at a new friend, it was a whole nether thing if this person was your father.

"Well? I get it your mad at us. Well you have every right to be I suppose." said David Sr. in a guilty voice. Roach bit his lower lip in nervousness.

"What's the matter, has the cat got your tongue?" asked his father jokingly trying to lessen the tension in the room. Roach looked up and stuck out what was left of his tongue reluctantly.

"Oh dear lord!" Roach closed his mouth and looked down as he tensed up waiting for the blows to start reigning upon his thin frame, making his bones splinter out and his skin run rivers and pools of red.

"What?!" yelled his mother as she ran in. Now Roach was really tensing up, he could not stand yelling. He just wished they'd start already, he deserved it. He was a bad boy, a horrible boy and he deserved to have every bone in his body broken.

"His tongues ripped out!"

"What."

"Cuh.(Cut)." Said Roach simply as he closed his eyes tight

"What honey?" asked His mother getting close. He scooted farther away from her ignoring the pain as it made his way through him from head to toe and back again. He knew that it would be best to lie there and take it but his sense of self preservation had come back after a long vacation

"Ma tuhgs cuh oww. (My tongue's cut out.)" Said Roach as he opened his mouth again ignoring the pain

Mrs. Cullen fainted. She really actually fainted. This was such a shock, such a surprise that she could feel her heart stop and her world began to turn fuzzy. Everything, even her thoughts came to a screeching halt. This was too much, her son's thin, emaciated body, the scars that criss-crossed it like tye-dye, the bones that stuck out in odd angles and the raw parts of his skin that receded to pink and red flesh. The splints and casts and stitches just added to his appearance. The appearance of a boy, a broken boy. A broken soul.


	3. Alice O'Dell

Disclaimer: whatever. Yea! Super long chapter! :-)

Alice sat huddled at the far side of her parent's car. Her real parents. She even had a last name now. O'Dell. This was all happening way too fast.

"So honey, you can call me mom or mother or mommy alright?" asked her mother. Her mother was a small woman a bit on the skinny side with bleach blonde hair the size of Texas and bright red fake nails.

"Yes ma'am." Said Alice quietly. She hugged her knees to her chest as she stared out the window. It was all so confusing. She saw children playing outside being loud and running and she saw girls wearing pants. Pants! She also saw a lot of weird looking people with poofy hair like her real mother and short, brightly colored skirts with ripped sweatshirts. She wished Roach was here, he could explain things to her. Roach had spent five whole years out in this strange world while she couldn't even remember it.

"Now we'll have none of that, like I said, mom, mommy, or mother."

"Yes mother." Said Alice with her face pressed up against the glass of the window

"Good girl, your sister is going to be so happy to see you again, so is your father." Alice tensed at the word father. Maybe her father would be a bit nicer than Daddy since he let her mother leave the house.

"Honey, what's wrong? You can tell me anything you know. Are you scared to be outside, worried about that boy you were with? Are you nervous? What?"

"I-I'm worried about Roach." She said quietly

"Roach? His name is actually Roach?"

"N-No n-not really, he just likes to be called Roach."

"Alright then." On the outside Mary –Ann O'Dell was calm but inside she was screaming. What had these people done to her daughter? She gets called to the hospital at seven o'clock at night and was told that they had found her daughter. At first she thought that something had happened to Debbie but hen she sees this girl who's the spitting image of Alice with blood on her dress and her arm in a sling. Then she hears that she came with a boy who was shot. That must have taken at least ten years off of her life.

"Well, we're here." Said Mary-Ann. Alice just sat there looking at the house. It was smaller than Mommy and Daddy's house and there were no bars on the windows. Her mother opened the door for her and she stepped out of the car. The sun light hurt her eyes and the dress her real mother had gotten for her felt weird. She was lead to the door. She decided to take one last look at the outside.

"Hey mom, this her?" said an older girl who had opened the door. Her hair was really long and her skirt was very short. She also had an odd sweater on.

"Yes, Alice you may not remember her but this is your sister Debbie." Alice looked at the ground

"Hey, what's up?" said Debbie as she began to step out of the house. Alice looked up.

"The sky." Said Alice quietly. Debbie started to laugh

"Debbie don't laugh at your sister, she probably doesn't understand you. Lord knows I don't." Alice stepped into the house and looked around. There were family pictures on the walls and the house didn't look very clean. Would her mother have her clean?

"Honey, why don't you give her the grand tour, I've got some lawyers to call." And with that Mary-Ann O'Dell went into the kitchen and dialed her lawyer. In the past eighteen hours her phone had been ringing nonstop with people calling about interviews and television appearances and people practically begging represent her daughter, some for free. She chose a cheep lawyer named Grant lawless. Because he seemed the most competent.

"Ok, this is the living room and that's the TV. From the hours of five through seven it's mine." Debbie said as she pointed. Her sister wasn't even saying anything, just looking at the floor.

"That's the cellar, nothing interesting down there, just Christmas decorations and old TV guides. I think that there might be a leaf blower down there but I'm not sure. These are the stairs to the upstairs, be careful they wobble a little bit. That's mom and dad's room, that the bathroom, that's a closet, that's my room stay out of there, o and that's your room. Now if you'll excuse me I'm missing 'The Facts of Life.'" Said Debbie as she gave a scared Alice the grand tour. Alice stepped into her room. It was nothing like her room at Mommy and Daddy's house. This room was a bit bigger and her bed was metal frame. She also had a color television. Alice had never seen a TV show before and was curious so she flicked the switch to on and heart appeared with the words 'I Love Lucy' in it. Alice began to watch. Roach had told her about television and she had always wanted to see it and now she was.

When his mother had seen his tongue she fainted. She actually fainted. Alls his father did was look at him with sad eyes. After his mother was carried out his father left so he decided to nap. Bad idea. He had a nightmare. He dreamed that everything was a dream and that he was still in the house only he was in the cellar and so was Alice and her eyes, ears, and tongue was cut out. He screamed and cried in his sleep, and almost pulled out his IV. The next day he was taken to the psychiatrist. What was the point of that? He already knew his deck was missing a few cards and he didn't need some guy with a big mustache and a German accent telling him that.

"Hello David, my name is Doctor Gunner. What's on your mind?" said the shrink. Boy was he wrong; this was a woman, an attractive woman with a New York accent. Maybe he did need someone to tell him he was nuts.

"_Corn." _Wrote Roach. It was true; the hospital had served him two kinds of corn; crème corn and not crème corn. He had been debating with himself which was better. The crème corn tasted bad but went down easier that the not crème corn.

"Alright then, why?"

"_Can't decide which I like better. It's been driving me nuts."_

"Well, can you taste?" Roach nodded. "Which tastes better?"

"_Not creamed, but creamed goes down easier so I guess I like it better."_

"See, you made your decision." Roach nodded as his way of saying 'thank you'. He knew where this was going though and he didn't want to talk about it, that part of his life was over now.

"So, let's talk about the Robeson's."

"I cand awk, dun gah a tuhg." Said Roach sticking his tongue out for emphasis

"You can write can't you?"

"**Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. This woman doesn't want to quite!"**

"You almost died, tell me about that."

"_I almost died the way I lived, dirty and in a vent."_

"Yes but how did that make you feel."

"_I was pretty old in person under the stairs years so I didn't mind. Worried about Alice though."_

"Oh and why was that."

"_She spoke and heard and saw evil so her eyes and ears and tongue was going to be cut out"_

"Like you?"

"Yeah." Said Roach quietly. This seemed to surprise her, the fact that he could say some words but not others. It just frustrated him.

"Did you have any other friends besides Alice?"

"_Fool is my friend now and I and Andrew are on tongue less speaking terms."_

"Andrew?"

"_The boy before me. He was supposed to be with Mary, the girl before Alice."_

"What happened to her?"

"_Well Andrew says that she did something really bad but he wouldn't tell me what so Mommy killed her instead of just putting her under the stairs."_

"Well, that's all the time we have for today but I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Roach made and Ok sign with his fingers. He really needed a nap but was afraid to go to sleep so he watched more TV.

Alice wasn't adjusting well. It had been only seven hours since she came home and nobody had seen her. She just stayed in her room watching the old fashioned TV channel. Finally Mary-Ann couldn't take it anymore. She went up to her youngest daughter's room and opened the door. Alice bolted up from her spot on her bed and looked at her mother terrified.

"Honey, would you like to come down stairs?"

"Yes ma'am." Said Alice as she slowly walked out of her room wondering what she had done

"What did I tell you?"

"Yes mother." Said Alice a bit more quietly

"Good girl. Are you sad or scared or something?"

"No, mother."

"Would you like to visit your friend in the hospital?"

"Yes mother."

"Is that all you can say? Yes and no?" said Mary-Ann jokingly

"No mother."

"O-k then, c'mon then." said Mary –Ann as she lead her still shaking daughter out of the house. What was she so afraid of?

Roach was bored. He was really unbelievably bored, and a bit lonely. He wished Alice was here, he found a show she would love, 'Raggy Dolls'. She might even like 'Tom and Jerry' or maybe 'Looney Tunes'. Roach always loved cartoons, since he was little. Right now he was watching a new one called 'Smurfs'. It was pretty interesting; he just wondered why they were blue. He had already seen all the news reports. Mommy and Daddy were in prison until the trial. Serves them right. He just hoped that they didn't try and tunnel out with spoons. Did that actually happen? Roach was thrown from his musing when his door opened. He expected a nurse or something but there was Alice. She was in a pink jumper dress that was a bit shorter than she was used to.

"Roach?"

"Yeah!" said Roach enthusiastically as he scooted over to make some room for her. He could see a woman who looked like she could be her mother standing in the doorway.

"Does it hurt?" asked Alice referring to his side. He nodded yes and then pointed to the woman in the doorway

"That's my real mother. Have you met yours yet?" Roach nodded yes

"Well I'll just leave you kids alone then." Said Mary-Ann as she sat just outside of the room. She could hear them but not see them.

Alice sat on Roach's bed looking at him. He looked so different, so good. His hair was a mess and he looked paler then normal but he was clean and he smelled much better, but a bit too much like the hospital. He was never in no ways bad looking, he was always taller than her since he was a year older and as of late he sprung up like a weed. Alice could also see his muscles clearly through his hospital shirt. And his eyes were just the most wonderful shade of blue, very bright. He was no longer starring at her but at the television but for some reason she couldn't stop staring at him, she was also beginning to sweat for some reason and her stomach was doing flip flops. It usually did that around Roach and had been doing that for years. Why couldn't she stop staring at him? Roach turned around and starred right back at her. She looked different to him but still good. She still had that frightened doe look in her eyes and her hair still fell in doll like ringlets but now she didn't look like a little kid. Well she did a bit, that's how his sister Donna dressed last time he saw her. He saw that she had something around her wrist. He pointed to it.

"The doctor said I sprained it." Said Alice simply then she looked at him again. They were getting closer and closer until-

"Hey Roach, hey Alice. Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?" asked Fool as he stood in the doorway with a card that said get well soon. Roach wanted to say 'I'm kinda glad you did.' While Alice didn't know what Fool could be interrupting?

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	4. Enter: the Cullen Family

Disclaimer: who gives a ****

Fool looked from Roach to Alice. Roach had turned red and was watching TV. Alice was watching too but was sitting right next to him on the hospital bed. Fool handed Roach the card. It was more of thank you/get well soon card.

"How ya doin'?" asked Fool as he sat in one of the chairs next to Roach and Alice. Roach made a so-so motion with his hands.

"How yuh muhuh?" asked Roach turning to face him

"She's doing better. They took it outta her but she gotta stay for a little bit. Hey when you getting out?" Roach shrugged his shoulders and went to change the channel

"Hey Fool, how long do people usually stay in the hospital?" asked Alice as she turned to face him. She looked good, in a weird sorta way. She wasn't hot, just pretty. How old was she eleven, twelve?

"Depends on why you're here."

"Well Roach is here because he got shot."

"_And for severe malnutrition and a skin infection." _Added Roach as he scribbled it down into his notebook

"Skin infection?" asked Fool scooting away a bit. Roach showed him the brown spots on his arms, face and attempted to show him some of the bad ones on his back

"That's OK; I'll take your word for it." Said Fool as he turned to face the TV. 'Married With Children' was interrupted by a newscast. Roach turned it up

"_This just in, the suspects in a child abuse, murder, false imprisonment, incestuous relationship ,kidnapping, cannibalism, animal cruelty, and tax evasion case have this statement to make. _

It was Mommy and Daddy.

"_We didn't do anything wrong, ask my daughter Alice, she'll tell you. What ever they say is a lie!" _said Mommy crying fake tears. Roach wanted to give her something to really cry about. Alice on the other hand buried her face in Roach's chest

"_We're good people, honest!" _ this was Daddy. Roach attempted to throw the remote at the TV but it was connected to the bed and he only succeeded in making his arm hurt more

"_Excuse me! What the hell did you just say?!" _it was Roach's father. He had just driven by and left his car in the middle of the busy street

"_Excuse me sir, who are you?"_

"_I'm the boy's father!"_

"_Which one?"_

"_The one that bastard shot! Why don't you pick on someone six and a half feet tall for a change!? Huh!? Huh!?" _Roach's father was jabbing Daddy in the chest. Roach's mother ran up to him and pulled him away.

"_Well there you have it folks. More on this as the story develops, back to you Tom."_

"Wow, your dads mad." Said Fool stating to obvious to break the silence

"Uhuh." Said Roach simply as he switched around for cartoons. Daytime TV sucked.

Amanda Cullen had lost ten years with her son and was determined to make the time she had with him count. She was also determined to keep her husband from getting arrested on assault and battery charges. They had just gone down to the court house to get some forms signed and they see them telling everyone that they were innocent. Amanda wanted to hurt them too but she just though of a calm blue ocean. Her husband on the other hand ran out in open traffic and taken a swing at the man. On national television too.

"Mom, Dad, look your on the TV!" said their youngest daughter Dottie as she jumped up and down on the couch

"Dot, change the channel!" yelled David sr. from his room he had the worst headache from all this. To top it all off, his son was getting released in two days. He was as healthy as their insurance company was gonna pay for. What would he be like? Would he be loud of quiet? Would he be happy or sad? Did he hate them for losing him? That thought scared David Sr.. He had to stop thinking about this and so did his wife. He built moddles and his wife cooked. And cooked. And cooked.

Several hours later.

"Mom, it's two a.m. Have you been cooking all night?" said her oldest daughter Donna Marie. She had been just six when David was stolen and had spent several days looking around the house for him. They hadn't told her any of their other children about David.

"Oh, just making and freezing our meals for the next week." Said Amanda as she took a roast out of the oven and replaced it with meatloaf men

"O-K then, I'll just get my water and go. Oh, and mom I'm not stupid. Debbie O'Dell told me that she got her little sister back yesterday and that her sister went visit a boy named David Cullen in the hospital who calls himself Roach. Why didn't you tell me he was still alive!" Donna slammed her glass on the table and started crying a little. Amanda held her daughter like she was a little girl again as she sobbed.

"Beh go up, beh go doww." Said Roach as he played with the controls on his hospital bed. He would rather have been watching TV but that just reminded him of things he'd rather forget. Alice had to leave and Fool went to go see his mom before going home. Home. Did Roach still have a home? Did he want one? He had been in three homes he could remember. The first when he was newborn to three him and his sister lived above a bowling alley. All he could remember about that was lots of loud noise. After that they got a house with leaky plumbing and a black and white TV that only got three channels. That was his last home before Mommy took him. Mommy. He wanted to hurt her. He wanted to slice out her eyes, ears, and tongue, hold her in the burning bath, stab her with a fork, bash her head in and anything she had done to him. An eye for an eye, a tongue for a tongue. Daddy. He wanted Daddy to suffer like no one had ever suffered before. Half for what he did to Roach and half for what he was going to do to Alice. Now, under the right situations Roach could be a very violent person and if Daddy ever acted on what he was thinking Roach would have grabbed one of the guns and shot Daddy himself. Besides, if anyone was going to take Alice it was going to be him. Whoa! Where the fucking hell did that come from?! Roach was shocked at himself for thinking this. Why was he thinking this? These thoughts had been entering his mind since he turned twelve and the only way he could think of stopping them was to busy himself. So he did. He began moving the bed up and down again trying not tot think.

Alice sat at her family's dinner table. She was never allowed at the table at Mommy and Daddy's house unless it was a special occasion. She ate slowly. It was food she'd never seen before. It was called fish sticks and fries and you didn't need a fork or a spoon or anything. At first she'd been worried about eating with her fingers but her real mother said it was alright.

"We'll have to get her some new clothes." Said her real father

"What's wrong with my old hand-me-downs?" said Debbie with her mouth full. Alice was shocked that she spoke with out being spoken to, and she spoke with her mouth full. That's enough to get her meals taken away for a week

"Honey, you haven't been fourteen for three years. Your clothing is just a bit out of date." Said her mother as she put some more fries on Alice's plate

"Well, it's not like she'll be going to school or anything." Said Debbie before she could think. Everyone was silent and the only thing that could be heard was the scrape of food on plates.

"_Everybody super happy! Everybody super happy! At six o'clock a.m.!" _sang a pink alarm clock. An arm reached over and hit the red button. It was way too early.

"Trysta, wanna watch 'Strawberry Shortcake' with me?" asked Dottie Cullen as she climbed out of the top bunk. Trysta moaned something about it being an ungodly hour and turned towards the wall.

"C'mon, it's an all day marathon!" begged Dottie who liked to have company when she watched TV

"What makes you think I want to watch a baby show with a six year old at six in the morning?!"

"You used to like it!"

"Well, that was a long time ago."

"No it wasn't."

"Yes it was, now get out of here before you wake up the whole house!" said Trysta as she threw a pillow at her sister

"Will you shut up?!" said Morgan, Trysta's twin brother as he banged on the wall

"Fine, fine. But you guys don't know what your missing!" Said Dottie as she ran down the stairs. She ran into the kitchen to get some sugary cereal to wake herself up. She nearly ran into her mother who was frosting cupcakes

"Mommy, what are you doing?" said Dottie as she reached for one of the cupcakes. Mrs. Cullen snatched them away. These were David's favorite; double chocolate with macadamia nuts. Could he even taste?

"Honey, these aren't for you, they're for an old friend who mommy hasn't seen in a while and this friend really needs to be cheered up

"Alright Mommy." Said Dottie as she poured milk into a box of 'Lucky Charms' not noticing the look her mother gave her

Trystal River Cullen was not stupid. Her name may have been a typo of Crystal but she was not stupid. She knew something was up and contrary to popular belief she noticed newspaper headlines and she watched the news when it interrupted network TV. So this David kid was alive. She didn't remember him since she was born a few months after he disappeared but she knew that that was why her mother went on this cooking binge and why they made so many trips out with little to no explanation just 'Donna's in charge until we get back' and 'No wild parties.' Hmm, it might be nice to have an older brother.

________________________________________________________________________

Morgan Prescott Cullen was not stupid. He was many things, hyperactive, attention seeking, and gross but he was not stupid. He watched the news and heard his parent's hurried whispers, his grandfather also told him a thing or two about what was going on and that helped. Where had this kid been all his life? Alls he managed to hear was that this Davis kid was a mute who got shot. Maybe he lived in the ghetto? Who knew?

Dorothea Francesca Bianca Lonna Robesca Cullen wasn't stupid. She may have been young and had a horrible series of middle names and may have only been six but stupid she was not. No she didn't watch the news and she could barely read 'The Cat in the Hat' so reading the paper was out of the question and she called to ask her grandma but instead ended up asking what she was getting for Christmas but she was smart enough to hide under her parent's bed and get the gist of what was going on even though she didn't quite understand the words they were saying. So she had a brother named David in the hospital and he got shot and his bones didn't grow right and his tongue was cut out and he was kept prisoner in a house run by crazy people who wanted perfect kids? Weird. Or maybe interesting. Yup, definitely interesting. She knew people wanted to know more but she wasn't saying anything since nobody asked her. So now she had two brothers? Maybe this David person would be less of a jerk than Morgan. She hoped so.

Donna Marie Cullen was not stupid. She may only have a 3.4 GPA and no honors but she wasn't stupid. She didn't watch the news very often and reading the paper was an adult thing but she did go to summer volleyball practice. In fact she went yesterday wand everyone couldn't believe she didn't know but they spared no time cluing her on the most horrific case of child abuse that New Jersey had ever seen. The whole thing seemed really sick to her that they would just mutilate children and feed them human remains. It was like something out of a 'B' horror movie. She couldn't believe that they had found her brother after all these years. She missed him terribly in the last ten years and remembered how he didn't run away when she did. David always had a thing about talking to strangers and it got him kidnapped. She had an acute fear of new people ever since. When her mother finally told her she had herself a good cry that the rest of her family attributed to monthly's of getting broken up with. It was good the Trysta, Morgan, and Dottie didn't know about him. They were too young and in the case of Dottie and Trysta too innocent. Morgan on the other hand acted like a teenage down to the stack of stolen 'Playboys' under his bed. Would David be like that too or would he be like the abused kids that her class had to see a tape of? Who knew?

David Mathias Cullen was not stupid. He just did stupid and impulsive things but he himself was not a stupid person. He wasn't a genius but he wasn't a moron either. He knew that he wasn't going back with Mommy and Daddy and he knew Alice wasn't either. He was kinda sure that Fool's mother would be Ok and he was sure that his stitches would come out eventually. He also knew he would never talk again. There was a lot that he could never do, he couldn't eat foods with small pieces, he couldn't taste as well as he used to and he couldn't tongue kiss a girl. Well he wasn't missing anything because he had never kissed anyone period. He heard that it was supposed to be the most amazing thing in the world though, next to sex. He sighed as he picked at the splints on his fingers. Several of his fingers had to be broken and reset as well as several other bones. He even had a metal knee cap. That was kinda neat actually. The end of his tongue didn't hurt anymore but now he couldn't feel it but he new it was still there. He sighed loudly and reclined back. What would become of him? He hoped his parents would take him back, he was sure that they liked him. But if they liked him then why did they let him get taken like that? He was not stupid, he knew he must have done something. He was a loud child, he remembered that much. He talked back a lot and broke things on purpose, he was even supposed to get held back in kindergarten. When he got back home he was going to be the best, most perfect child that he could be because he David Mathias 'Roach' Cullen was not stupid.


	5. Some awkwardness between Roach&Alice

Disclaimer: Who cares?

Roach had seen the shrink again and had been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. That explained the fact the he shook a lot when people got too close and he had horrible nightmares. His mother and father had also come to see him. They told him he'd be getting out soon and they brought him food he could eat between meals; mostly cookies and a few cup cakes. They were great. They had even brought him some clothes to wear and a pair of sunglasses since the sun burnt his eyes. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was pretty greasy.

'**Time for a bath.' **Thought Roach as he slowly made his way to the bathroom. He turned on only the cold water because he hated hot water. Hot water reminded him of Mommy and he really wanted Mommy to suffer. He remembered that he couldn't get his IV or splints wet so he decided to have a rag bath. He turned on the water not noticing the sound of the door creaking open.

Alice was slowly adjusting to her real family, mainly the fact that no one would hurt her and she was allowed to talk. She didn't much like her clothes though. She had a ripped sweat shirt, tights, leggings, and sweatbands. Her sister picked them out from the back of her closet. Her mother and her father had to work which was quite strange to Alice since she had always been taught that a husband worked and a wife stayed home with the children.

"You look fabulous!" said Debbie loudly as she put more hairspray in to Alice's hair making her cough

"Is this really necessary?" asked Alice as she attempted to put her hair back into its usual style

"Of course, I always wanted a little sister I could dress up and part my years of wisdom upon and now I have you."

"Years of wisdom?"

"Yeah, like how what seems like a good idea at the time isn't really."

"Oh, alright."

"Jeez you're quiet." Said Debbie as she tied Alice's hair into a side ponytail. Alice winced.

"Your right, that is really out." Said Debbie as she only tied the hair on the top of Alice's head. Alice didn't really want to go outside but whatever her parents said went.

"Can we uh-I mean ummm-"muttered Alice as Debbie began to put some makeup on her

"Speak up, I can barely hear you."

"Can I visit my friend in the hospital." Said Alice a little less quietly

"Ok, ain't like we really got anything better to do today. North Mercy right?" Said Debbie as she finished and handed Alice a hand mirror. Her makeup was a bit heavier than when Mommy put it on her. Alice stood up and pulled the hem or her sweat shirt down. It hung like a very short skirt and her tights were like pants. Alice picked at her bra as her sister handed her some pink lace shoes.

"Don't pick at it, its embarrassing." Said Debbie as she tied Alice's shoes. Why did she have to go with her? She liked Alice well enough but she had social standing to uphold and a sister who picked at her clothes and couldn't tie her shoes didn't exactly do well for her.

"But it's really uncomfortable." Said Alice as she attempted to fix her sweat shirt which was torn so her collar born and shoulder showed.

"You'll get used to it, now come on we got a full day planned of spending mom's money." Said Debbie as she ushered her little sister out the door. Alice clung to her and shook

"You really are a shut in." said Debbie as she buckled her in the front and turned on the radio.

Alice entered Roach's room and saw that he wasn't there. A momentary panic gripped her until she heard water running.

"Sounds like your boyfriend's in the shower. You can wait but I'm getting us some candy from the machine, your skin and bones." Said Debbie as she walked off. At first Alice just sat on the chair by Roach's bed but then she got bored. She slowly got up and opened his door just a tad and blushed. Roach was naked. Naked and attempting to wash his hair. Thank god he didn't notice her. He finished and dried himself off and turned to the door still in just a towel. Alice rushed back into the chair and sat there like she been there the whole time. Roach gasped as he saw her and turned red at the fact that she was sitting there barely dressed and he was standing there in just a towel. He made a turn around motion with his hands and quickly got dressed in boxers and a t-shirt. He had a mild skin infection and clothes itched him to no end. He climbed into bed and she joined him, resting her head on his shoulder. Roach was really getting nervous. How could Alice not know what she was doing to him?

"How are you?" asked Alice, Roach swallowed and made and ok motion with his hands he could see straight down Alice's shirt. It he had a tongue he would be biting it but he settled for bringing his knee's up to his chest.

"That's good; I'm going to get some clothes because my real parents say that I shouldn't wear these."

"**Good advice." **Though Roach as he fought to keep looking up and not down. This was torture.

"Here aloh?" asked Roach biting his lower lip

"No my sister brought me." Said Alice as a crash and some cursing could be heard

"That's her." Said Alice as some kicking noises could be heard

"I'm gehin' oww tumowoh." Said Roach trying to break the awkward silence

"Where are you staying?" asked Alice fearing she might not get to see her friend

"Muh pars hos." Said Roach a bit less nervous. Alice was still very nervous. She was always a bit nervous around Roach, her stomach filled with butterflies and her head spinning but now it was getting worse. She blushed as she remembered what had transpired earlier. She had seen more of Roach in those few seconds than she had in her whole life and despite the fact that Roach had several scars and the words 'Bad boys burn in hell.' Carved on his back and 'Speak No Evil' on his chest he still looked pretty good to her. He seemed very nervous though. He always sat with his knees to his chest when he was nervous. Alice was still looking at him when she remembered that she had some questions for him. She decided to ask her most pressing one first.

"Hey Roach, why is the sky blue?" Roach had to think about that for a bit.

"Buhcuz goh may ih dat way." Said Roach finally

"Oh, OK. Why do people get married?" this one caught Roach off guard. He debated what to tell her. His parents had gotten married because his dad knocked his mom up but he doubted that Alice even knew what that meant. He decided to go with the simplest anser.

"Buhcuz dey waha speh da wess uh dair lise tugehtuh." Said Roach after much debate

"Then maybe we should be married." Said Alice simply as she attempted to straighten out her tights. Roach's expression was one of extreme shock the he realized that she didn't know all the things that came with marriage. He decided to write out his reply so that there would be no misunderstanding.

"_It's not that simple. We should both think about this. Not that I don't like you or anything because remember, we are best friends." _Wrote Roach. Alice nodded in agreement and rested her head on Roach's bony chest. He rested his head on top of hers. She smelled like strawberries.

"Alice, we gotta go." Said Debbie as she walked in with a bunch of candy in her shirt which she was using as a basket. Screaming could be heard in the background. She laughed a little bit at the fact that she had just walked in on her sister in a very compromising position. Alice didn't blush or anything because she didn't really understand what could possibly be wrong with sitting with Roach. They were best friends after all. Roach let out a barely audible wow. Alice's sister was wearing the tightest shirt Roach had ever seen on a girl. Roach decided to stop staring and hugged Alice goodbye. Alice hugged him back and crawled out of his bed. When they left Roach decided it was a good time to get re-acquainted with his good hand.

They were back in Debbie's car. Alice was in the front seat and drew her knees up to her chest. She didn't know why she felt bad that Roach was staring at her sister, Roach could stare at whatever he wanted to but maybe it was the way he was staring. Alice looked over at Debbie and noticed how grown up she looked, then she looked at herself. Her chest was much less bouncy and her hips were must less round. She sighed. Debbie noticed.

"What's wrong half-pint?" asked Debbie noticing her sister

"I don't know." Said Alice in her same quiet manner. Debbie knew exactly what was wrong.

"You do know you'll eventually look like this don't you?" said Debbie parking the car infront of a discount clothes store

"What?"

"Yeah, every girl will eventually look more or less like this. Bare in mind that you are fourteen." And with that Debbie helped her sister out. Alice clung to her.

"Will you cut that out, it's embarrassing." Said Debbie attempting to pry her sister off of her

"Sorry." Said Alice waling close to her. She had never been shopping before that she could remember and she had always assumed that everyone made their clothes.

"So, what do you like?" asked Debbie as they got a cart

"I don't know." Mumbled Alice

"Well, do you like what you're wearing right now?"

"Not really."

"Why?"

"It's a little short."

"OK, long skirts and dresses." Said Debbie who wanted to get out of there quickly. She couldn't be seen in this store with her sister. She had a reputation to uphold.

Shopping went surprisingly well. Alice semmed to agree to everything even though ,Debbie strongly suspected that she didn't really like everything that was given to her. It was mostly dresses and a few long knee length skirts. She even had a couple of button down blouses. She decided that her sister was a pretty weird dresser.

Fool was sitting with his mom in the hospital. She was feeling much better and was going home soon. He hadn't seen his mom like this in a while. He just hoped that she didn't ask-

"Fool, where'd you get the money for all of this?" –that. Fool's mom had been in and out of conciseness since she had been brought to the hospital. Fools began to stutter, his mother hadn't wanted Fool to ever fall into the life, Ruby either but you gotta do what you gotta do and he had to help his family.

"Today Poindexter." Said his mom becoming annoyed. Fool told her everything from start to finish leaving out the part about Leroy getting gutted or him being shot at. When he finished his mom slapped him upside the head.

"You tryin' to take ten years off my life?!"

"But mama I got us the money!"

"Yeah but you almost got killed!"

"Sorry to interrupt but they need you in radiology Mrs. Murphy." Said a nurse as she helped his mother out of bed. Ruby ushered Fool out of the room but Fool wasn't ready to go home just yet. They had gotten a better apartment and Fool was starting to miss his old house. Ruby sniffed a bit and dried her eyes with a wadded up tissue. She had taken Leroy's death pretty hard, she really liked him. Fool decided to visit Roach because he had nothing better to do. He was really grateful to him for saving his life and giving him his coin collection but that didn't mean he wasn't a bit weary of him. Fool was beginning to suspect that his building was missing a few bricks. He'd have to ask Alice if she was there. Alice. Maybe he had a chance with her. But then again she didn't quite right either.

"What the hell?" muttered Fool as he saw an overturned vending machine a bit down the hall. He knocked on Roach's door and saw that he wasn't in his bed. He saw some candy by his bed and decided that Roach wouldn't mind if he just borrowed one. He wished he hadn't done that because apparently Roach licked every piece of it. He spat it out just as Roach came out of the bathroom. He looked better and he wasn't dressed in a hospital gown, he was dressed like he was going to sleep. He waved hi at Fool and climbed into bed.

"Hey Roach, why you dressed like that." It took Roach a minute to find his notebook

"_Getting out tomorrow." _Wrote Roach as he got a gummyworm stuck half in his mouth and slowly pulled it out savoring it. Fool gave him a look.

"Whuh?" asked Roach

"That's gross." Said Fool simply. Roach shook his head no and offered him one. Fool wrinkled his nose.

"_Suite yourself."_

"Why ain't you watchin' TV?"

"_Same things on every channel." _Wrote Roach he turned on the TV. A reporter was inside the talking about the security system. He flipped the channel again and a reporter was in the money room. He flipped again and a reporter was standing infront of a place called 'New Bedlam Mental Asylum'. Roach turned it up.

"_The boys are in stable condition physically but mentally they are in critical condition. Some of them can't even remember there own names. Just check out this footage."_

It was Andrew or Stairmaster as he liked to be called. He was the boy before Roach and the leader of the people under the stairs since what happened to Bites. He was rocking back and forth on a hospital bed a lot like his only he had more things sticking out of him. The scene changed and now it was Rateyes. He saw things he wasn't supposed to. He was screaming 'I do not see or hear or speak evil' over and over again like a broken record. The scene flipped and a stairperson that Roach had never seen before, he tried to stay away from them as much as possible so why would he need to learn all their stair names, was screaming 'Molly's fault' over and over again but then it changed to 'Roach's fault'. Roach turned off the TV and picked at his IV. He didn't know he felt sorry for them he just did. He slumped back ignoring the pain and ate a cookie. If he kept eating like this he was going to weigh a thousand pounds.

"So uhhh….did you see that vending machine that got tipped over?" said Fool breaking the ice

"Whuh?" asked Roach turning to face him

"Yeah, someone tipped over a vending machine."

"_This I gotta see." _ Wrote Roach as he hopped out of bed and put some stretch pants on. He hated clothes because no matter what he wore his skin felt like it was on fire. He followed Fool leaning heavily on his IV stand and laughed a quiet raspy laugh. It was turned over and it looked like some of the candy had been stolen. Then he remembered Alice's sister and laughed a little louder.

"David Mathias you shouldn't b up!" said Roach's mother running up to him, his father wasn't far behind. Fool was laughing and Roach gave him the death glare shutting him up.

"Davey get back in bed this instant before you hurt yourself!" said Amanda Cullen worried for her son. Fool followed.

"Hey, wait up!" said David Cullen sr. carrying a bit more food. Roach waved hi to his father who attempted to wave back.

"Well, see ya Roach." Said Fool leaving. Roach waved bye and sat with his knees up to his chest ignoring the pain

"Roach?" asked his father setting some of the food down. He was sure that the boy was getting enough to eat already but his wife insisted on cooking. Roach turned his head at the sound of his name and cocked an eyebrow

"Why did that boy call you Roach?"

"_That was Fool, he helped me escape and he called me Roach because I like to be called Roach, father." _Wrote Roach relaxing his knees a bit

"Why?"

"Cus." Said Roach simply as he reached for the food. It was a fried 'Slim Jim' sandwich, he hadn't had one of these in years. While this was going on Amanda was just looking at her son and the near man he had grown into since the last time they were together. He was taller, obviously and he also had a bit of muscle to him. He looked a bit like his father did at his age though his father was better looking.

"Your coming home tomorrow, you know that right?" said Amanda putting her hand on his shoulder. He flinched.

"_Yes ma'am." _Wrote Roach

"Do you want to come home?" asked David sr.

"_Yes sir." _

"We kept your room exactly the way you left it, a mess." Said Amanda trying to lighten the mood. Roach laughed a quiet laugh at this. Most people didn't react well to his normal, high pitched laugh. The rest of the visit was spent attempting to get to know their son. The tiptoed around the Robeson issue and instead asked him about himself, his likes and dislikes, his friends, his thoughts on things but they never asked him about his time in the house, which was exactly the way he liked it. That night he dreamed he was back home.

If anyone wants to hear more about his brother and sisters please say something. If anyone has any suggestions please say something. If anyone wants to see more Roach Alice or Fool Alice love please say something. Peace out :-)


	6. Alice's day and Roach's last hospital da

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

Roach woke up from his first peaceful sleep in quite a while. He had the most wonderful dream that he was back at home and the last ten years had been a horrible dream, well everything but meeting Alice. This was going to be a great day, he could tell. He packed up everything in the suite case his parents had left him and after much trying finally managed to put on and button a collared shirt. He looked at himself in the mirror. He was thin and pale and his hair stuck up in all directions but then again it always did that. He had forgotten that his hair was a dark blonde/light brown color. He got back in bed just as breakfast came. He loved hospital food and he really loved this breakfast, oatmeal! It tasted good and was easy for him to chew. He had also gotten milk; well you can't win 'em all. He decided to see if any cartoons were on. He switched on the TV and gasped. It was Mommy and Daddy. Well more specifically it was about Mommy and Daddy. He turned the volume up. It was two guys sitting in comfy chairs yelling at each other.

'_Elmira Gretchen Robeson born August 4__th__, 1942 and Eldon Michael Robeson born September 18__th__, 1940. They are being accused of a most heinous crime…'_

'_I think you mean crimes and they are beyond heinous-'_

'_If you'd let me finish! Now then it was merely because of the tortures that they went through in their own childhoods!"_

Roach couldn't believe it; someone was actually trying to defend Mommy and Daddy. He was both mad and shocked. Why would anyone want to defend them with the things they did and the people they killed!

'_So what, they're insane? They knew what they were doing was wrong that's why they kept it hidden.'_

'_They were insane yes, insane from the same abuses inflicted on them.'_

'_They both have there eyes and ears and tongues now don't they?'_

'_Yes but the same thing happened to their siblings.'_

'_So you're saying that there is no personal responsibility?'_

'_Not all the time no.'_

Roach suddenly didn't feel like watching TV.

Alice sat in bed just looking at the ceiling. She tried but she just couldn't sleep without him there in the bed with her or behind the walls. Her mother called her downstairs to breakfast. Oh well, she'd try and get some sleep later.

"Oh honey, you look horrible, did you sleep OK?" asked Mary-Ann as she served her daughter a waffle with syrup

"I couldn't sleep." Said Alice eyeing her food

"Why not?" asked her father

"I just couldn't." said Alice taking a bit of the syrup on her finger and licking it. She decided that it was alright to eat. Her father eyed her inspecting her food. His daughter had been back for three days now and has barely said three sentences to him. Why was she so afraid of him? He watched her cut her food into small pieces and chew it well. He hadn't seen his daughter in twelve years and now here she was eating breakfast at the table. He remembered when she was struggling to get out of her highchair.

"Mom, I can't watch her today I've gotta go sign up for my classes and get my books." Said Debbie who really didn't want to take her to school. Most of her class would be there and she enjoyed a certain degree of popularity.

"Well I could maybe take her to work with me but it'll be really boring for her." Said Mary-Ann. Being a stylist was much more fun than watching a stylist.

"Well, she probably won't like the office much either." Said Ronald idly sipping his coffee

"She could stay with Grandma!" said Debbie loudly startling Alice who didn't like loud noises

"I really don't think that she'd want to spend the day in a retirement home." Said Ronald who was getting up to leave

"Retirement home?" muttered Alice as she got up to hand her father his keys, trying to be helpful

"It's where they stick old people when they get too old." Said Debbie grabbing her brush off the table as well as some hairspray. She had to look her best.

"Old?" asked Alice who had heard of people getting older but never just old. Her parents gave her looks then looked at each other; making a silent agreement that that's where she'd be going.

Morning in the Cullen house was a battle field and school registration morning was the worst. Amanda would have to pick up David while David sr. took Dottie, Trysta, and Morgan to the elementary school. Donna could take herself to the high school but, unfortunately, she'd need a car and they weren't exactly swimming in cars. Her son would be released at one o'clock and that gave her only five hours to prepare. She had already cleaned the house from top to bottom and made a big lunch and all that was left to do was clean out his old bedroom. Correction, his bedroom.

"Mom, can I join the wrestling team this year?" asked Morgan picking the pink parts out of his 'Trix' and putting them back into the box.

"Seems a bit dangerous." Said Amanda as she took the box away from him. That was beyond unsanitary

"No it's not, I promise I won't wear cleats and kick below the belt with them. I'll wear bowling shoes."

"Morgan it's like in the Olympics, not channel ten." Said Donna as she attempted to get the sugar away from Dottie who was putting it in her milk

"Really? No cage matches or chair throwing?" asked Morgan as he picked the pulp out of his orange juice

"Boy, you better start doin' less pickin' and more eatin'!" said David sr. who had getting tired of watching his son dismantle his meal

"Can we go now?" asked Trysta who was already dressed and waiting by the door. She ate quickly because she knew that the sooner they got there the sooner they could get back and the sooner they could get back the sooner they could see David. She had heard her parents talking and they said that he'd be discharged today at one.

"When I'm done trying to see which one of these things doesn't belong!" shouted Dottie who had been working hard at the puzzle on the back or the cereal box. She had just finished and was trying to do her cereal box activity in peace. David sr. was in no hurry to get going and he intended to spend as much time at the school as possible. He wouldn't admit it but he was a bit nervous to see his son again. From what he could gather the boy had little to no contact with people his own age besides the girl and more recently the little black boy who he could tell was younger. He wasn't exactly jumping at the chance to teach his own children about the horrors of child abuse either. Hell, he'd take telling them where babies came from above this. There was no doubt in his mind that they knew who David was and that bad things had happened to him but he wouldn't tell his children what. He knew he couldn't keep it from them forever though with locking David in his room but that would land him in prison and possibly make him worse. Morgan had finished eating and was putting his shoes on and Dottie was stabbing at the cereal box with her spoon out of frustration. He wondered if they had a two for one child therapy deal.

Alice clung to her mother who was going to leave her with her grandmother. Alice couldn't remember her grandmother and was startled to see hoe wrinkled she was and that her hair was white. Her mother gave her a long look and quickly explained to her that that was what happened when you get old. Her mother said that she'd pick her up at four.

"Alice, come closer darling." Said her grandmother. She was seventy but looked sixty and missed her granddaughter dearly. Alice sat on the bed next to her. Her room looked a lot like Roach's hospital room only there was a dresser and pictures and the TV wasn't on the wall.

"Well aren't you pretty!" exclaimed her grandmother as she picked up a piece of her hair which curled naturally at the end

"Thank you ma'am." Said Alice quietly

"Oh, and so polite! The other girls are just gonna love you!" said her grandmother as she got up slowly. Alice got up to and followed her. The whole place looked like a cross between a house and a hospital.

"That's the lobby and that's the exercise room over there. That's the cafeteria over there, we'll go there later if you get hungry, and the chicken is to die for! Oh and that's the rec. room over there. C'mon, you can meet my friends!" said her grandmother motioning to each room. Alice looked at all the old people with fascination. They were beautiful in a wrinkly sort of way. Was this how she was gonna look when she got old? She'd have to ask Roach later. Roach. He'd love this place, he loved new people and places to crawl and this place had plenty of both.

"Gladys, Hattie, Bea, Rose, Mortimer! Come and meet my granddaughter!"

"What's that Lavonia?" called out a woman in a dress with flowers on it and red hair with some white parts

"Meet my Granddaughter!"

"What!"

"My granddaughter!"

"No thank you I just ate!"

"No you old bat, her granddaughter!" called out an old man with an eye patch

"Oh, Debra's here?"

"No, my other granddaughter, Alice!"

"What?!" called a woman who was trying to play checkers

"Not you her!" said Lavonia as she motioned to Alice. Alice stood there shaking. Roach may like new people but that didn't mean she had to.

"Oh isn't she just darling!" said an old woman in thick glasses

"I just love these new fashions the kids are wearing! Looks just like what I wore at her age!" said another old woman

"Yer that girl from the house ain't ya?!" said the old man with the eye patch. Alice nodded and there was a hush among the crowd

"Ya know when I was a little girl we had people who dealt with people like that. We called 'em cops!" said the same old woman who couldn't hear. Everyone murmured in agreement then they went back to what they were doing. Alice sat down in front of the television. It was the show where the people had to guess what letter was behind the square. No one paid her much mind and she started to look around. She saw the old man's eye patch and stared, not knowing any better.

"What?"

"Why are you wearing that thing?" asked Alice

"You wanna see?" asked the old man lifting it

"No she doesn't, Mortimer! Girls' probably got enough problems as it is!" said her grandmother Lavonia who was sure the word was 'Montana'.

"Lost this eye in the war."

"War?"

"You know, war! Tanks and planes and machine guns." Alice shook her head. Many of the old people went into big explanations about the war and how things were back then a few of them went into explanations about the First World War even. Alice soaked it all up like a sponge. It was fascinating. When she got home that day and her mother asked her how it was she told her everything but her pronunciation was off and she was wrong about some things. Like a suitcase being called a Canadian lunchbox in war times. She decided to send her to the Cullen babysitting service from now on. It wasn't the best but it was better.

Amanda Cullen finished dusting David's old room. She had not gone in there since Christmas. Every year she got him presents and put them in his room and then cried. Everyone said that it was unhealthy and that she should stop because David wasn't coming back and was most likely dead but they were wrong. She saw that it was twelve o'clock and quickly got dressed in her best dress. It was the only one she owned that wasn't stained or ripped or had something disgusting in the pockets. She did her hair and makeup nice and got in the car. She had been dreaming of this day for years when her son would finally come home and she'd hug him and he'd hug her and I'd be like something out of a chick-flick. She suddenly realized that she was going in the opposite direction of the hospital and quickly made a U-turn in the middle of the road ignoring the shouts of 'get off the road ya freakin' maniac!' Why had she turned? She wanted David back in her life but a few months before she knew about him she had come to terms with the fact that her son was gone and now he was back. She wanted him back but the way he was before. A slightly tall but skinny little boy with blondish brown hair who thought girls were icky and Elvis rocked. The little boy who stood on his sisters shoulders to play PONG and wanted to name his little brother and sister Ringo and Marilynn. She stopped the car in front of a park and tried to collect her thoughts as silent tears escaped from her eyes and sent her mascara running down her cheeks and onto her dress. She couldn't do this.

Donna stood in the playroom at the McDonalds with her arms crossed. They had been to each of their classrooms, talked to their teachers, topped the car off with gas twice, gotten them all flu shots, and gone through the car wash. Now they were getting lunch in the playroom. Dottie was climbing on the outside of the playroom like a little maniac and Morgan was chasing Trysta around the playplace where the sign clearly said no running. She knew what her father was trying to do; he was trying to keep them away from the house for the longest possible amount of time so David could get home before them. And then what? It wasn't like they weren't going to notice a…how old was he? Fourteen fifteen? Definitely fifteen. Fifteen year old around the house? How stupid did they think they were? She glared at her father as he sipped his shake idly. How dare he. She had every right to know her brother and so did they. Life sucked.

Eldon Robeson hated Roach. That little cockroach. It was all his fault. He saved the beartrooper, he fed the people under the stairs, he made Alice do nasty evil things like feed him. He didn't deserve to live. He deserved to be in this place not living it up out there. He saved him from the big sinful world and this is how he was repaid. Alice, the little whore was going to pay too. She kept him alive and helped save the beartrooper. He couldn't stay here forever could he? He did nothing wrong, just what was done for him and his brothers and sisters. He knew people on the outside wouldn't understand, his own father had told him so. That was why he couldn't go outside and play with the other children, because they were sinful. He knew exactly what he was going to do as soon as he went home; first he was going to do her then he was going to slice out her pretty little eyes, ears, and tongue. Then he was going to kill the cockroach. Then he was going to hunt down the beartrooper and kill him slowly and painfully. Yes, that would be sweet

Elmira Robeson hated all her children. She hated that lazy brat Alice and that horrible boy Roach but most of all she hated the children under the stairs. She took them in and showed them a perfect life; one away from the big, bright, sinful world she despised. She made them clothes and got them toys and this is how she was repaid. Being separated from Daddy and beaten daily in prison. She hoped that all her children burned in hell. For

ever and ever in hell.


	7. Amanda brings Roach home

Disclaimer: What do you think?

Amanda Cullen dried her tears and got a hold of herself. She needed to pick up her son whether she liked it or not. She blared some music and fixed her makeup as she drove, no sense in going in there looking like a mess.

XXX

Roach took one last look at the hospital room which had been his for the past few days. He was going to miss it, everything but the IV and the blood drawings that is, he could have done without those. He sat quietly in a chair hands folded waiting for his mother. He only had five minutes left in this room before it went to another sick person. He slumped a bit until he saw his mother coming and straightened his back instantly. She walked up to him and gave him a hug. He tensed up and bit his lower lip. The only person who could touch him with out tensing up was Alice. Alice. He missed her and hoped he'd see her again. He got a bit depressed at the thought of never seeing her again. He really needed a cigarette. Daddy had him smoking for years until he tried calling for help. He still occasionally stole a cigar from Daddy but he didn't want to alert him to his presence. He had been almost ninety days without a cigarette and it was torture.

"Are you excited about going home, David?" asked Amanda as she opened the car door for her son. She needed to break the ice somehow.

"Uhhuh." Said Roach as he attempted to buckle himself in. he hadn't done this in years. Amanda helped him, noticing how he flinched away from her. Amanda blinked back tears; her own son didn't want him touching her. She sat in the driver's seat and took a look at her son. He had his knees drawn up to his chest and his chin on his knees. They started to drive and he suddenly pointed out the window, startling her. He instantly stopped and looked guilty.

"That's alright honey, you point all you want." Amanda was happy to see a relieved look cross her son's face. What was he so worried about?

'**That was close.'** Thought Roach who was biting his nails. He hoped that his mother didn't send him away. He could handle beatings and being locked away but he didn't want to be sent away. He looked out the window at the passing cars. They all looked so different. He even saw some big cars on the road. What happened to the oil crisis? Was I over? Did they find oil in Teddy Roosevelt's head like his sister told him all those years ago? Did the cars run on water or something? His mother noticed the confused look on his face.

"Anything you wanna ask me honey?" asked Amanda as she slowed over a speed bump. David laughed as his head hit the roof. She and her husband both used to go full speed over speed bumps back when there kids were young but they stopped doing that as soon as Morgan and Trysta were born.

"Whuh happeh?" asked Roach pointing to the cars. Amanda was a bit confused until she remembered that he had no idea what happened in the last ten years.

"Oh, it's over. Ended quite a few years ago actually."

"Wheh?"

"About the late early eighties, you were about seven." Said Amanda quietly. David seemed satisfied with the answer he was given and sat with both feet on the floor. Obliviously more relaxed. He rolled down the window to get a taste of fresh air. He hadn't had fresh air since the night he escaped. He tried opening the windows in his hospital room only to discover that they didn't open. He heard birds. He hadn't heard birds in years. He looked up at the sky, the clouds. What a day to be alive!

"Well, we're here." Said Amanda as she opened the car door for her son. He hesitated a bit. Mommy used to give tests like this. If he stepped one toe out of the back door he'd be beaten and his meals taken away for a week.

"It's alright David, I'm sure that you don't wanna stay cooped up in that hot car all day." Said Amanda as she dug around her purse for her house keys. Roach took one foot out of the car, then the other. Finally he stepped out and adjusted his sun-glasses. Years of lack of exposer to natural light had left him with a mild degree of photosensitivity. He took a step onto the grass, then another, then another until he made it to his front door. His mother opened it for him and he stepped inside. His mother closed and locked the door. Panic gripped him. He hated locked doors. Locked doors meant nothing could get out. His breathing started to quicken and he was getting dizzy. A scream, a bang, and a thud played themselves over and over again in his mind. Amanda Cullen could see that her son was having a panic attack and quickly realized why. She opened the door and only left the screen door closed. This seemed to calm him down and he slumped against the wall hugging his knees to his chest. She could see that it was best to give him his space for a couple of minutes so she went to the kitchen and fixed him a hot chocolate and a snack. She came back and saw that her son was no longer on the floor but looking at the current Cullen family portrait. They had finally gotten a new one six months ago and her therapist considered it a step in the right direction. She considered it replacing her son. He looked at them; his family. He saw an older girl who he assumed to be Donna. He saw two little kids that looked a bit alike. So his brother and sister were born huh? They looked a bit like him. He also saw a little girl of about five or six that he didn't recognize. He tapped her part of the picture.

"That's Dot, she's your little sister. Now David, we didn't replace you, she just happened. I'm sure you can get an idea of how it happened." Said Amanda fearing she'd have to teach her son the facts of life. He gave her a look that said 'I really don't want to think about it.'

"How'd you like to see your room?" asked Amanda motioning for him to follow. He hoped that his room was how he left it and that that new little girl, what was it Dot? Yes, Dot. He hoped that he didn't have an unexpected roommate. His mother opened the door and everything was the same more or less. There was a huge pile of dusty presents in the corner and his TV was off. He ran to his bed and jumped. While he jumped he made a sound that he had never made before. It wasn't a laugh but it was happy. For the first time in ten years he was really, truly happy. He cried a bit. His mother put an arm around him and he jumped to the other side of the bed as a reflex and huddled to the corner. Good boys don't cry. Amanda could fell the tears building up behind her eyes. Her son, her baby boy, her flesh and blood was afraid of her. He sat there looking like he was going into another panic attack from being touched. What happened? Did they beat him, starve him, was he warm, did he have enough to eat? Well a few of those things were obvious no's but still. Oh god, he wasn't!? Maybe, it could explain a lot, why he flinched away from people's touch, why he sat with his knees to his chest.

"Om sowy." Said Roach quietly. This threw Amanda off. What could he possibly sorry for?

"For what honey?"

"Bah boys dun cwy." Said Roach looking down. Amanda crawled over to her son and put an arm around him. He tensed up but after a few minutes he relaxed. It felt sort or nice actually. He put his head on his mothers shoulder. She was so warm. He cried a bit more. This was truly wonderful.

Well, I felt that this chapter should be all Roach. Should the next be all Roach to or should I use most of my characters. Also, there will be court scenes and I will use those to illustrate the 'Lord of the Flies' type society that the people under the stairs created. There will be a sadistic character named boss who's the boss and he has complete control over all the people under the stairs except Alice who they call Good Girl. He will beat up Roach because Fool defended him. There will be a girl person under the stairs who boss owns named Headbanger. She will be a prostitute of sorts. It will be a violent and sadistic society. There will be a character named Eloise who is Mommy and Daddy's little sister who escaped. She will play a big part later on. There will be aspects of Roach's past that will make you cringe. He has done things he's not so proud of. It will be dark and if anyone wants me to lighten up on the society under the stairs or wants to know more let me know. Well that's all I have to say about that. Merry Chris-Hannakah-mas and a happy Rama-Kwanzaa-don.


	8. The first family meal in ten years

Disclaimer: I don't even own this computer so how the heck could I own the rights to a movie?!

It was four o'clock. Their father had taken them to the post office to see if they had any undelivered mail, they had bought new school shoes, they had gotten two months worth of groceries, gotten an oil change and tire rotation for the car, gotten fillings, and gotten Mr. T's autograph at the mall. Now they were going to get haircuts. Everyone was dog tired and just wanted to go home. Dottie was snoring in the back seat and Morgan was pinching Trysta who bit him. Now they were wrestling.

"Hey, do you kids want me to turn this car around and go home?!" yelled their father as he pulled over to the curb.

"YES!" they all screamed. They just wanted to sit on the couch and rest their aching feet. They liked their father's half assed under parenting much better than his half assed over parenting.

"Well in that case after we get hair cuts we'll go to the park and feed the ducks after that we'll umm, uhh, buy some light-bulbs! Yes, then we'll umm, sing to the old folks at the old folks home!" said David Sr. as his kids tried to open their car doors. He didn't know when his wife wanted him home and frankly he didn't want to stay cooped up in this car with his kid any longer. Maybe he should just take them home. They had given up and their doors and they were sulking. Morgan crawled over the seat of their station wagon and picked up a tub of dripping pink ice cream.

"I don't want to alarm anybody but the ice cream's starting to turn." Said Morgan as he licked the out side of the container

"Ditto for the mayo." Said Trysta holding her nose. That was it. He quickly turned his car around in the middle of the road hitting somebody's shrubs. Being trapped in a car with his kids was one thing, being trapped in a car with rotting and melting food, well that was another thing entirely. A cheer erupted as they realized they were going home. Donna on the other hand was a bit more apprehensive about the whole thing. David was home. She hoped he was alright but she feared for his mental state. It was different for the rest of the Cullen children. They didn't know him like she did. Hell, they didn't know him end of discussion. Morgan and Trysta weren't out of the womb and Dot wasn't even born yet. This sucked, this royally sucked. They were pulling into the drive way. She saw that the front door and all the windows were open. She also saw a light on in David's old room. Now she wanted to stall so she said the first thing that popped into her head.

"Dad, we need to get school supplies!" said Donna quickly but mentally kicking herself. They had just gotten school supplies last week.

"What are you talking about, we just got them last week at the discount outlet?" said Dottie as she picked up her bright pink jump room and began to sing 'Cinderella Dressed in Yellah'

"Yeah and, oh no." said Trysta as she spotted her long time one-sided love interest Milo walking down the road with a slightly wilted flower.

"Were you waiting in my bushes again?"

"No my sweet, I was waiting down the block in compliance with the restraining order which you got me to sign. Trysta had drawn up a restraining order in second grade against him and for the most part he complied.

"I was just wondering if, uhh, you weren't uhh-" stuttered Milo. Donna wished she had her camcorder to capture this. It was priceless!

"Let's see, the offereing of the flower, an age old tradition. What do you want you toad!? Trysta was getting impatient and tapping her foot. Morgan stood slightly behind the house, hose in hand, ready spray him if he didn't go away.

"You me movie go see." Said Milo as he got a nose bleed

"Oh the anwer." Said Trysta who was enjoying his suffering. She came from the cruel side of the womb.

"Y-Yes."

"No." Trysta turning towards the house

"That was kind of mean, don't ya think?" asked Dottie who had gotten herself tangled in the jump rope and was hopping along on one foot.

"Romance, little sister, is for the weak minded." Trysta thought she was so grown up acting so cynical but one day she'd learn that the opposite sex was good for more than getting a movie and popcorn out of. Their father went in first and started talking to their mother in hurried whispers. Donna knew it was about David. It always was nowadays. Their father motioned for them to come in. This wasn't good. The last time their parents whispered like that Dottie had to learn about goldfish heaven. Their parents motioned for them to come inside. Dottie, Morgan, and Trysta ran inside while Donna walked, giving each of her parents the death glare first. She could hear some thumping upstairs and then the top step of the stairs creaking. David was up there.

"Now, we haven't exactly been honest with you kids. Well we were keeping secrets actually." Said David sr. visibly nervous

"Now it wasn't a bad secret like when we didn't tell you guys about Dottie until I went into labor." Said their mother

"You see, you have a brother. And older brother who hasn't exactly been given the best in life." Said their father looking in the direction of the stairs

"I'll say!" said Morgan loudly and everyone turned to look at him

"What d-do you mean." Stuttered Amanda. She wanted to break this to them slowly.

"Well, it was all over the news and there is also word of mouth guys." Said Trysta who didn't like secrets

"Well, this makes things a lot easier. David, come down here please." Said David Sr. First there was a step, then another step and a pale foot could be visisble. Then a few more steps and a pair of jeans, then a collared shirt, and finally a very pale and thin boy could be seen. His hair stuck up at all ends and hands shaking. He gave a tiny wave. Roach didn't like being stared at. Donna ran over to him and hugged him. He tensed up and didn't hug her back but she didn't mind. She began to cry a bit and mutter his name. he rubbed her back a bit. When this progressed for more than two minutes he got a bored look on his face.

"Dohah, quih ih." Said Roach. The only person who could sob into him this long was Alice. Donna gave him a weird look. What did he say? He gave her a look that said quite it and she let go. Morgan cocked his head to the side. He looked like the boy in the pictures under mom and dad's bed only older. Trysta on the other hand was speechless, this couldn't be her older brother. It was a little know fact that she had a thing for older guys on the skinny side.

"Hi, I'm Dottie" said Dottie as she walked right up to him and extended her hand. He shook it.

"Om avih." Said Roach who decided that only his family could refer to him as David. Anyone else was going to get it if they so much as though of him as David.

"Well, let's eat!" said David sr. loudly breaking the tension. Everyone nodded in agreement as he got an extra chair out for David. David sat down and was served creamed corn, creamed spinach, and mashed potatoes. He ate it happily while everyone else just picked at it.

"I absolutely positively refuse to eat this slop!" said Dottie loudly as she sat up in her chair. Roach's fork hit his plate hard as he dropped it, chipping the plate in the process. Was his sister stupid or something? She was gonna get it, and hard. He sat there barely breathing waiting for something, anything. Instead of the usual his mother simply put more spinach on her plate.

"Dot, nobody likes a whiner." Said Amanda. Nothing was going to ruin her first meal with her son in ten years.

"Yeah, bare with it. We can't eat like this forever, they'll probably serve meat tomorrow." Said Morgan forever the optimist.

"So David, where ya been?" asked Morgan through a mouth full of potatoes. A hush fell over the room.

"I duh waha tall abouh ih." Said Roach with his mouthful before he could catch himself. To his surprise nothing happened. This was beyond strange.

"What, I can't understand you." Said Morgan who was discretely spooning spinach onto Trysta's plate. Both his parents were giving him the death glare and he didn't know why. After dinner Roach went straight to his room. He picked up the notebook he found and began to write about the day's events. He wished he had his old journal from the house but he strongly suspected he was never going to see any of his old stuff again. He sighed loudly, this had gone easier than thought before. He brothers and sisters seemed to like him and so did his parents. He really missed Alice though. Alice. He hoped that she was alright wherever she was. That night he dreamed peacefully or so he though.


	9. First kissess

Disclaimer: Who the heck cares?

Roach didn't know what he dreamed about but it must have been bad. He woke up with a start to find his mother leaning over him with a glass of milk and a 'Fig Newton'. She remembered that those were his favorite. He took the food and looked at the Elvis clock on his nightstand. It hadn't been wound for ten years and was making a pretty annoying sound. It read 2:00 a.m.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked his mother as she wiped some of the sweat from his forehead. He shook his head no. his real parents didn't have to know what a bad boy he was and all the nasty, evil, sinful things he did. Hell, Alice didn't even know the things he did and they were best friends. His mother was looking shocked at his midsection. He looked down. When he had sat up his blanket went down and he his shirt rode up. She could see the stitched from where he was shot as well as several belt marks that didn't heal correctly. He pulled his shirt down, no need for her to see his back. He had looked at it in Mommy's full length mirror once and saw the half healed bruises and belt marks and he saw his shame and his pride. The half 'X' on his back. When you first go under the stairs you prove that you can defend yourself. It you can you get a line and nobody owns you but you still have to listen to Boss. He owned everybody and there were rumors that said that he was Mommy and Daddy's real son. That would explain a lot. When you got an 'X' then somebody owned you. Bites half owned him until he escaped into the walls. He was quiet, Bites wasn't and Daddy shot him. That night the people under the stairs feasted upon the body of their fallen leader and ownership of Roach went to Boss who already owned a girl named Headbanger. He wondered if they were still alive, Headbanger and Boss. He hoped Headbanger was alive, he always felt sorry for her; going from Daddy to Boss. He hoped that Boss was six feet under in the cold, cold ground. He didn't really care about the rest of them.

"Oh honey!" said his mother as she hugged him and sobbed into him. What was this, sob on the Roach day?! He slowly put an arm around her when he was sure she wasn't going to hurt him. Amanda was overjoyed. His first sign of physical affection to her. Maybe, just maybe he didn't hate her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alice sat on her bed with her knees to her chest. Her parents had left her with her sister and her sister had left her alone. She was scared, she didn't know this house. She knew that nothing could come out of the vents because there were no vents, just radiators. She was worried about the cellar though. Were there people down there too? Was that normal to keep bad people in the cellar? She'd have to ask Roach. He knew everything about everything. He was wonderful and sweet and he would never do anything to hurt her. Unless he had a good reason, he did push her out a window but she could forgive that because he was trying to save her. She laid down and thought of him. She had been doing that a lot lately. And it wasn't just when could she see him again or how was he doing. No, it was how can I get closer to him and why does he look so good. And the most alarming though; does he think of me. The thought of him thinking of another girl like she thought of him made her angry, angry like when he looked at her sister like that. Why couldn't he look at her like that too? She played with the ends of her hair. It needed a good brushing but she didn't know how. She didn't know how to do a lot of things, tie her shoes, cook, go outside, kiss a boy. Wait what! Where had that come from? Probably from the TV. She had seen lots of shows where the people kissed. 'The Young and the Restless' was her favorite. She knew it was all scripted like a play, that had been explained to her, but it was still very interesting. Kissing looked wonderful and she supposed it might feel wonderful too but she didn't know. Maybe she'd ask her sister when she came home. It amazed Alice that Debbie could come and go as she pleased. Alice couldn't come and go as she pleased but she could play in the yard as long as she didn't leave the yard or climb over the fence. She wondered if Roach was allowed to go outside too. Maybe, he was older than her. Oh no she was thinking about him again. Once she started it was very, very hard for her to stop. But then again she didn't really want to stop. It was nice. He was nice. She remembered the time she peaked in on him and blushed. She decided that she would take that secret to her with the grave. She could hear the front door open, her sister was home. Alice raced down the stairs, maybe she'd know.

"Debbie?" asked Alice a little less quietly than before but still pretty quietly.

"Yeah, oh I get it. Listen, next time I go out I'll bring you back somethin' nice but you can't come with me."

"But I wanted to ask you something." Said Alice a little less quietly.

"Ask away, twerpet." That was what Debbie called her sometimes, she didn't mind.

"Don't call your sister names!" said Mary-Ann as she entered the house. This was proof that her oldest daughter couldn't be trusted to watch her youngest daughter. Why would she leave her home alone? What if the house burned down?! What if they got robbed!? What if the communists hiding in deep Russia launched first strike and she didn't know where the bomb shelter was!?

"Mom, she doesn't mind! Right Allie?" said Debbie. That was something else that Debbie called her, Allie. She didn't mind but she wondered if she should.

"Listen, Debbie. I know that you may think you're a good sitter but I think that Alice needs to be watched by someone with more experience. That's why I'm sending her to Amanda Cullen."

"Amanda Cullen!? Mom, I'm a million billion times more responsible than her." Debbie didn't really want to watch her sister, she had a life unlike her but she would not be compared to Amanda Cullen. Amanda Cullen had Donna when she was younger than her and that David boy a year later. That was way more irresponsible than leaving her fourteen year old sister alone for a little bit.

"Cullen?" asked Alice. That was Roach's real last name. Maybe there was some relation.

"Yes, I think your friend is her son." Said Mary-Ann remembering the emaciated boy that her daughter visited in the hospital.

"Can I go see him?" said Alice taking some excitement out of her voice. Excitement was a very bad thing, Mommy said so. Whenever Alice was happy or excited about something Mommy took it away.

"Yes, you are. Quick, put some shoes on and get whatever you're taking. I only get twenty minutes of break." Said Mary-Ann as her daughter raced off with lighting speed. As soon as she was out of eyeshot Alice smiled. She was going to see Roach! She missed him so much and had a million questions for him. She put on her sandals, she couldn't tie shoes. Maybe Roach knew how. Alice ran down the stairs. Nobody had seen this much movement from her in the few days she had been home. They assumed that she didn't like to move around. Mary-Ann didn't tell her that her shoes didn't match, no need to waste time hunting around for shoes, besides; she wouldn't be going anywhere ritzy anyway.

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Amanda Cullen was unappreciated by her family. She took the time to make everyone oat meal and nobody liked it. Well, David might like it, if he came down stairs. She assumed he was still sleeping. She knew that he didn't sleep at night. He had a nightmare and after that he slept a bit and woke up at five. She could hear him walking around, opening and closing doors and drawers. He went back to sleep at six or so she thought.

Roach was scared. What if they didn't like him? What if they thought he was bad like Mommy and Daddy did? What if they didn't feed him but only ate in front of him. Mommy and Daddy did that sometimes when he was on a no food punishment. He sat on the stairs listening to the conversation. His brother and sisters were speaking without being spoken too! Well, Donna probably didn't need to be spoken too because she was older but Morgan, Trysta, and Dot were still very, very young. He scratched at his chest; he had a mild skin infection that made his skin crawl when he wore clothes. Today he was wearing a collared shirt and jeans that were a bit too big. He wouldn't wear a belt though, belts made him think of Daddy and thinking of Daddy made him breath funny and get really dizzy. After much deliberation he got up and walked quietly down the stairs. When he got tot the kitchen table everyone stopped talking and looked at him. Dottie broke the silence.

"Hey, David! Sit with me!" said Dottie pulling out a chair near him. As soon as he sat down conversation resumed. Morgan was arguing to their father that he couldn't eat this and he wanted pancakes or a waffle. Roach didn't know what all the complaining was about, this looked pretty good, it had sprinkles in it. Trysta was looking at him. He looked back at her and she blushed. She looked down and bit her lip. Roach decided that she was shy. He couldn't blame her; he liked new people but got a bit tongue tied. He smiled a little at his own joke. A tongueless mute getting tongue tied. Donna was chatting on the phone and looked mad. Maybe she didn't like the person she was talking too. Dot was shoveling food into her moth as fast as she could while talking to him. He nodded yes or no or shrugged as his reply. She seemed satisfied. Roach decided to take a spoonful and try it. It was wonderful, the best thing he had tasted since hospital food. He took another and choked a bit. It was kinda hard to eat without a tongue. Dot came to his rescues and started hitting him on the back. His parents looked a bit concerned and his siblings were trying not tot stare. They had been warned that if they made him feel bad, even slightly, there'd be hell to pay. Roach drank some milk to help it go down. The milk was bit thicker than normal but no rotten. It was cream. Roach hadn't had cream in years so he drank the whole thing down quickly. His father put some sausage and bacon on his plate.

"Bacon up that sausage." Roach complied as is mother set a glass of something thick and creamy down infront of him. Trysta, who had to pass him to wash her plate, scrunched up her nose at it. Just as Roach was about to take a bite his father told him to Butter his bacon and his mother set a slice of grapefruit infront of him.

"How come he gets grapefruit and I don't!?" said Morgan who was ever so discreetly spooning his oatmeal into Roach's.

"Morgan you don't even like grapefruit." Said Amanda as she set some celery down infront of her son. She'd rather he build muscle mass that fat but her husband just wanted him to gain weight and worry about being fit later.

"It's the principal of the matter!"

"Which is?" asked Donna who had just finished and now was attempting to wash her plate.

"It's not fair!" shouted Morgan as he sat up and knocked his milk all over Dottie who then proceeded to scream and run from the table muttering something about it being her favorite shirt.

"Boy, look what you did!" said David sr. as he got some paper towels. Between the complaining and the fighting with his sisters his second son was going to give him a heart attack soon

"I'm sorry but still!"

"Fair is for commies Morgan. You know that." Said Amanda who didn't think that it was over, they were just biding their time and letting people get their guards down. Her husband and most of their children just thought she was being paranoid. Roach nodded in agreement and offered his grapefruit to Morgan who grabbed it out of his hand and took a huge bite. His eyes widened and he made a weird face before struggling to swallow. Roach got out his notebook.

'_I don't think that you're supposed to eat the peals.' _Wrote Roach. Morgan read it out load and the rest of the family laughed. After breakfast all the Cullen's went their separate ways. David sr. went to work at his father's store; AKA the only job he could get and Amanda Cullen went to sort out school supplies. Dottie went upstairs to sort out her outfits for the first week of school and Trysta went to try and see if she could fix Donna's old Walkman. Morgan took the Atari 2600 up to his room at the protest of everybody and Roach sat down infront of the TV to watch the latest reports on Mommy and Daddy. Apparently they had found the girl from under the stairs too, Headbanger. He was getting a bit sick of this being on almost every channel but what could he do. There was a knock at the door and his mother told him to get it. He looked through the mail slot first and saw that it was Alice and her mother. He opened the door just as his mother came up behind him.

"What do you want Mary-Ann." Said his mother who was feeling a bit stressed and knew what it was probably about. Amanda Cullen had been running an official babysitting service for ten dollars a child, twenty after seven o'clock, since Donna was born. Alice smiled and gave a little wave to Roach. Roach did the same and pulled her in. they began to talk, Alice apparently understanding him. That was when Amanda began to negotiate prices. Ten dollars may have worked well in the late seventies but these were the nineties and money had lost it's value. Now it was twenty bucks a kid and thirty after seven o'clock. She didn't get very much business anymore but she might if the state would shut down that daycare center she had been giving them anonymous tips about. The price was negotiated at a slight discount because she and Roach were obviously friends they were sitting on the couch watching Alice's favorite show. It was some kind of mushy gushy soap opera thing. Alice sat straight up engrossed in the plotline and Roach sat slumped against the couch. It would only be half and hour to an hour then he could change it. Two people had just kissed before it went to a newsflash. Alice had something to ask him.

"Roach, why do people kiss?" asked Alice. Roach just happened to be drinking a glass of cola at the time and spat it out and began to stutter. She could NOT be asking him questions like this. He settled on an answer. He wrote it down so that there would be no misunderstanding.

'_Because they love each other.' _Wrote Roach. Alice read it and looked him straight in the eye and said:

"Maybe we should kiss. You know, just to see what it's like." Said Alice. Roach bit his lower lip and rubbed the back of his head for a moment before nodding. He made the first move and she followed. Every second felt like an eternity before the gap between them was finally closed. It was the most perfect, most wonderful moment of both of their lives. They stayed in that perfect moment for about a minute before breaking apart for air. They both laughed a little and looked at each other and then looked down. They rest of the day was a bit awkward. Amanda wondered it anything transpired between them. When Mary-Ann came to get her daughter Alice and Roach looked at each other and blushed. Mary-Ann lead her daughter back to the car and asked how it was. Alice said it was wonderful. Mary-Ann asked her to go into it and she said everything but what transpired between her and Roach. She had a feeling that that was private. Her sister pressed on and Alice finally cracked and blushed. Debbie had a feeling that there was something going on between them.

"Well, how did he kiss you?" Alice blushed and told her on the mouth.

"That means he liked you. A kiss on the cheek means he thinks your sweet and a kiss on the forehead means I think your cute. A kiss on the neck means I want you."

"Want?" this threw Debbie off and she got a bit nervous. Alice decided to ask again and Debbie said that she wasn't about to explain it. She decided to ask Roach next time she saw him. That night she slept peacefully for the first time in years.

Well, please review. This was a bit happier but I thought that it shouldn't be completely depressing. Last post of the winter break so Merry Christ-Hannakah-Mas and a Happy Roma-Kwanzaa-Don.


	10. Morgan is cruel&Boss is king

Disclaimer: Who really reads these things anyways?

Roach sat on his bed picking at his skin and hoping Alice would come over, he missed her a lot. It was starting to flake off like snow and make little white patches on his clothes. It was still really itchy too and he just wanted take a cheese grater to it and grow new skin but he knew it would probably get infected. There was a knock at his door and he opened it expecting his mother but instead Morgan was there. He looked shocked.

"Hey, how come you got new clothes but I got hand-me-downs from our cousins!?" said Morgan shocked. Roach shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, anyway I need to get something from the top shelf but I'm not tall enough. Could you help me David?" Roach nodded as he started walking to the kitchen. He was shocked by the emptiness; neither his mother nor any of his siblings were there.

"It's in the cabinet next to the basement door. It's in the red box." Said Morgan. Roach began to look through the cabinet for the red box but found nothing and when he went to turn around to tell Morgan that nothing was there Morgan pushed him. Now Roach usually had a pretty good balance but Morgan surprised him and he went tumbling down into some laundry. Morgan laughed and pushed a chair against the door knob making turning it impossible but Roach tried frantically. After a while he gave up and curled up in a corner. His breathing was coming out fast and he was sweating like crazy. A bang, a scream, and a thud replayed themselves in his mind as he began to feel sick. He banged his head on the wall and cried. Upstairs Morgan was laughing as he leaned against the cellar door. This was too funny, his much older brother was crying like a baby. Dot ran up to the rotary dial phone and was jumping to get to it.

"What are ya doin' speck?" asked Morgan as he composed himself

"My name is Dot you-you-well you're a stupid head!" yelled Do as she got a chair to stand on. Morgan knew exactly what she was doing; she was going to tell on him. His father had never actually taken the belt to him but he made threats. Morgan ran up to Dottie as she began to dial. He dragged her to the corner and but her under a laundry basket. He but a ten pound economic-size tub of gummy bears on top of the basket as well as the brick that held up the short leg of the table. To cover up David's screaming and Dottie's protesting he turned the radio up as high as it could go. Meanwhile Roach's screaming had attracted to attention of his older sister Donna whose room was the converted fall-out shelter in the basement. She wanted to see what all the screaming was about; she hoped that Morgan didn't try his mud sled idea again. Sometimes she swore that there was something wrong with that boy. As she opened the stainless steel reinforced door she saw a most pitiful site. Her brother curled up in the corner crying, shaking, and banging his head on the lead paint wall. He let out a loud sob and threw up. Donna helped him up as best she could without getting dirty. If he noticed her he didn't show it. After they got to the laundry room part of the basement he calmed down a bit. She handed him some of their fathers old clothes that their mother wanted to donate to Good Will. He looked at them then at her and she understood. She turned around as he got dressed. He tapped her on the shoulder when he was done. Donna gasped at how skinny he was. The clothes were practically falling off of him. The furnace banged in the background and he scurried over to a corner and Donna followed trying her best to calm him down.

"Dohh utch! I dun waha do dah!" sobbed Roach as Donna tried to put an arm around him. Roach didn't want to be touched, he didn't want to be looked at, he didn't want to live. He thought that his family loved him. If they loved him then why was he locked in the cellar? He must have done something bad, very, very, bad. Last night! That was it, he woke up his mother and now she must be very, very, angry. He had nobody and he should learn to accept that. Well, he had Alice and Alice had him. They were two souls destined to be together in the big, bright, sinful world. Two wide eyed wonderers stumbling through life. Forever and ever to be together. Oh, that was good; he'd have to write that down somewhere. He almost wished he were back with Mommy and Daddy, at least he new who he was with them. He was the thing between the walls and proud of it. Danna was rubbing his back as he flinched away. He did not want to be touched! Why couldn't she see that?! His breathing quickened as he remembered. A hand grabbing him by his hair, forcing him on his knees, forcing him to-No! Never again! He sat with his knees to his chest for what felt like an eternity. Donna helped him to his feet when he calmed down and lead him to a portion of the basement which was stainless steel reinforced by normal steel it could withstand a six megaton blast, no more, no less. It was the Cullen family fall-out shelter. He looked around. There were still rations on the shelves and a radio in the corner but there was one bed in the corner, not four. Upon closer inspection some of the shelves were stacked with odds and ends and there was a color TV on top of a dresser in the corner next to what looked like a stereo. What happened to the shelter? Donna led him to the bed and laid him down. Why was she being so nice to him? He decided that the rules with sisters were different than the rules with parents. He curled up in a ball on the red comforter as his sister got him and orange soda. She remembered he liked those. He drank it down quickly, grateful for the comfort food. Donna sipped hers slowly, looking at him, studying him like a germ under a microscope slide in a lab somewhere secret. He looked back into her identical blue eyes and she looked away.

"What was that back there?" asked Donna as she took his empty soda can. Roach mimed writing and Donna got him her old notebook from last school year.

"_I don't know. Morgan locked me in the cellar and everything got hazy." _Wrote Roach

"I think you were having a panic attack. Mom said you have PTSD." Said Donna as she sipped her soda idly thinking of ways to make Morgan pay. Didn't that little a-hole get the concept of the fact that their brother had a million and one problems? Maybe he was from the cruel side of the womb, not Trysta. Why would he do this? It wasn't funny, not by a long shot, and it certainly wasn't a game. That boy didn't know when to quit. She hoped that their mother would be back soon. She went to the library to get some books on raising the emotionally damaged child and the abused child as well as one on skin diseases of the third world. She could be there for a while if she got side tracked, which she probably would. Donna looked into his identical bright blue eyes again. Eyes older than the person they were attached too, then anyone alive. Eyes that revealed the tortured soul beneath the surface, eyes that were once again tearing up. Roach drew his knees up to his chest and Donna sat closer to him. He scurried away to the far side of her bed and she followed, determined to comfort him. Donna had him trapped in the corner and he sobbed a bit into her chest. He stopped after a few minutes and enjoyed the human contact, the loving contact.

"Maybe you should talk about it? Just to get some stuff off of your chest. It can't be good to bottle it all up like that." Said Donna. Roach sighed; maybe he should talk to her. She was right though, it wasn't ever good to keep stuff bottled up but then again it was personal. Maybe he shouldn't tell her _everything_, just some things.

"_The punishment for losing a fork or a spoon was having a fork driven into your hand. It really hurt." _Wrote Roach wiping the tears from his eyes. Donna looked at the line of five dots in his hand and hugged him again.

"_Mommy was bad but Daddy was worse. He was crazier. He used to tie me to a bolt in the chimney when I was bad or dared to dream of escape. Foolish fairytales he called them, my dreams. I learned to keep my dreams to myself but they're always of me and Alice running into the big, bright, sinful world they despised. We'd run so fast nothing could stop us. Not Mommy or Daddy or God or death. Nothing. Foolish fairytales." _Wrote Roach

"They aren't foolish fairytales little brother. Hey, why do you call them Mommy and Daddy? They're not your parents you know.

"_Can't think of anything else to call them. For the last ten years they were Mommy and Daddy and insisted that they were called as such. It was a needle through the tongue if you called them something else." _Donna gasped and held him tight. They stayed that way until there mother came home. Was it a minute, and hour, a day? They didn't know or care. All that mattered was that for the first time in ten years they had each other.

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Amanda Cullen hated the library, she really did. The books were junk and the lines were long. Maybe it was just their local library was like that but she didn't care. She had been waiting for ten minutes for the librarian to come back from helping this kid find a book. She really had to start buying her books, it was more expensive but the service was way better. She decided to look through her books. Someone had practically cleaned out the parenting your teenager section but she managed to get two books on the subject, three on child abuse, and one on skin diseases of the third world. The librarian was finally back and gave her a strange look.

"You're that woman whose buy had his tongue cut out!" said the librarian loudly and she was promptly shushed. How ironic. Amanda blushed and looked down as the librarian told her how sorry she was. Amanda was really starting to get sick of this, the attention. She just wanted to go about her day with out people drawing attention to the fact that her son was back and mute. She decided that she wasn't taking out until this all blew over like that satanic cult preschool thing from two years ago. She got her books and drove back home, wondering how her son was doing.

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Trystal River Cullen could not work under these conditions. She just couldn't. How could anyone attempt to finish fixing a walkman that had fallen out of a two story window and into a compost heap with 'Thriller' blaring over the radio? Not that she had anything against 'Thriller' but she wasn't going to listen to it when she was trying to work. She finally had enough and went to disconnect the radio but before she could Morgan grabbed her hand and pushed her away. It was then that she noticed the chair in front of the basement door.

"Morgan my brother, why the hell is the door crated shut!" yelled Trysta who really hoped that he didn't do what she though he did. Morgan and his practical jokes that weren't so funny. This was worse than the time he switched their mother birth control pills with PEZ and they got Dottie. Speaking of Dottie, where was she? Trysta heard someone yelling 'Let me out!' She looked around and saw that Dottie was trapped under a laundry basket and she went to free her but Morgan pushed her down so she bit him and they began to fight. That was how Amada Cullen found them when she came home.

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What the hell was wrong with her son! Ho dare he even think about locking his older brother in the cellar. Apparently Donna was down there with him so it was slightly better but still. And how dare he trap Dottie under the laundry basket again. Didn't that boy have any sense?! Well, Amanda was going to put some sense in him if it was the last thing she did. She took away his TV, his video games, and he was grounded for the rest of summer. His father was going to really punish him. They weren't really big on discipline but this time Morgan crossed the line. She just hoped that poor David was alright, Donna said that his panic attack was so bad he threw up all over himself. Her poor little baby boy.

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Roach lay down on his bed facing the wall. 'Rock the Kasbah' by The Clash was playing over his record player. He really anted to be alone or maybe with Alice but her mother had taken her home earlier that day. He began to sing along quietly to the music as his door opened. Donna stepped in; in her hand was a lime green notebook with his name on it.

"For all of your foolish fairytales." Said Donna as she kissed him on the forehead and left. Roach smiled, he really actually smiled. Maybe, just maybe, this living back home thing wouldn't be so bad.

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Headbanger sat on her white bed with the gray blanket. She rocked back and forth not only to comfort herself but to comfort her baby as well. Free. She was free. Free to be in the big, huge, bright world with its people and foods and TV shows. No one could ever hurt her again, not Mommy, not Daddy, not Boss. Boss. They were to be together, as Mommy and Daddy said in the before times, it turns out that the before times were only ten years ago. She didn't have a good sense of time under the stairs. No one did. She put a hand on her swollen belly. It wasn't the first time she had been pregnant but it was the first time she had ever carried a baby this far. They usually died, any baby born under the stairs usually died. Messenger was the exception. He was born to Breakback who was the daughter of 'She Who Was Tied to Bed' and Daddy, or possibly Stretch. No one was alive that far back and the only way they could know were through word of mouth. Some people even said that Scribe was born under the stairs too but that was a bold faced lie. He and Singer were to be together, before Roach and Alice or her and Boss but after Stairmaster and Retch. Roach. She hoped that he was still alive, even though he was shot. She hoped that he got back with that family of his that he went on and on about. They were in the same boat, both forced to degrade themselves so they could survive but he also degraded himself for Alice's protection. Alice. It was a miracle she was able to last as long as she did. She hoped that everyone still remembered her, their memories were kinda bad with all the blows to the head and all but she still hoped that they remember Headbanger the hearer of evil. Wait, not Headbanger. Anita.

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Boss was king. He was ruler. He was Boss. Everyone was to listen to him. Everyone. At first they had to listen to Bites but now they had to listen to him. Cockroach didn't listen to him and look where that got him. He almost went the way of many a burglar or salesman. He was still alive, he heard about him on the television. He had a family, no white coats asking him question and poking and prodding him with needles and calling him Frederick. Frederick died long ago and Boss was born. Well actually he was Twig before he was Boss but that part of him was gone to. He missed Headbanger most of all. It wasn't just what she did for him but her company also. And the fact that she used to be his eyes and him her ears in the way that Goodgirl or Alice as she was called was Cockroach's tongue. When he got out of this and back under the stairs he was going to make Cockroach pay. That little half mute could have set them free and they could have had another uprising like in the days past of Mother and Father. Mommy and Daddy's mommy and daddy. As far as Boss was concerned Cockroach was no better than 'She Who Was Chained to Bed.'

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Better, better, the white coats were making Messenger better. Much, much, much better. He would be fine. Happy, they made him happy. Hahahaha! The bugs crawl in the bugs crawl out, in the stomach and out the mouth! Hehehehehe! Mama used to say that one before she went to forever sleep. What was that! Bang boom crash! Hahahaha! Crazy! The white coats said he was crazy! They put him in a room with white walls and a white floor and a grey bed. They sure liked the color white! So this was the freedom Mama had always talked about? It wasn't much different than being under the stairs except he was alone and the white coats fed him more. They even let him out sometimes. How grand! Cockroach talked tongue-less about free and this didn't seem like the free he talked about. Cockroach was the crazy one! The bugs crawl in the bugs crawl out, in the stomach and out the mouth!

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Officer Delanco had seen many things in his years on the force but this was by far the most horrible thing he had ever seen. It would haunt him until his end of days. The first thing that hit him was the smell. It was so completely and totally over powering that it made him gag. Then he had seen the cage that they were all kept in. He had opened the door after finding a key and stepped in. the smell was worse in the cage. How could anyone have survived in it? After a while he had seen them, huddled together against the back wall. At first he though he was seeing children but at closer inspection he saw that one of them was a pregnant woman. Another person stepped forward and took the praying position. He or she, it was hard to tell, began to pray. Upon closer inspection he discovered that that person was praying for forgiveness for the freedom. He radioed everyone else and the people under the stairs were all carried away in stretchers. He decided to look around a bit and he saw what appeared to be a little boy. He asked the boy his name and the boy responded Messenger. When he was asked how old he was he pointed to a wall. Officer Delanco shined his flashlight on the wall. It was a list of people with different dates, none more than twenty seven years apart and either 'See No Evil', 'Hear No Evil', or 'Speak No Evil'. There were also skeletons by the wall. It was a graveyard. He saw the name Messenger. This wasn't a little boy this was a twenty five year old man. He also saw the words 'Born Imprisoned'. He picked Messenger up who was muttering 'The bugs come in, the bugs come out, in the stomach and out the mouth.'

His father had helped to free concentration camp survivors in the Second World War and now he was doing his part. He looked back at the house and a single, solitary, tear escaped his eye.

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Please review! Seriously.


	11. Missing kids,first crushes,and Messenger

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah!

Morgan was mad. He was beyond mad, he was furious. He, Morgan Prescott Cullen was furious. It was just a joke! Everyone was so over sensitive, especially David. What kind of fifteen year old cries?! He was ten and he never cried. Well, he cried during 'Bambi' but that was a whole different story. He had been grounded for three days so far and school started after Labor Day. He began to pace his room and kick the walls. It wasn't in anyway fair! When he tried to tell his parents that they didn't give him their usual 'fair is for commies' they asked him what right he had to talk about fairness. The last time they checked he still had a tongue. He almost wished that his parents had taken the belt to him when they said that. He hoped that David didn't have any hard feelings. He wasn't sure whether or not his long lost brother would hurt him but something about him was a bit off. Just a bit, he wasn't super nuts, just kinda nuts. Maybe he was Dottie nuts? Who knew? He kicked the wall so hard there was a dent and a picture came off the wall in the hallway.

"Morgan, knock it off!" yelled Dottie loudly as she kicked the wall too

"Fuck you!" yelled Morgan who found Dot to be an annoying tattletale sometimes

"I'm telling!" said Dot as she ran down the stairs. He was so gonna get it!

"Whatever she says is a lie!" yelled Morgan loudly, not caring that no one would believe him. They never believed him. He almost never told the truth bit still. He turned to look out his window. David was out there in a sun hat and sunglasses with his army men in the dirt. Maybe that Alice girl was coming over. She looked like she'd be fun to trick. The SPF 50 on him was so thick you could see white spots which didn't really contrast too much with his pale skin. He was making the planes shoot at the soldiers; Morgan could hear the sound effects he was making from his room.

"Morgan Prescott Cullen! What did you tell your sister?!" Oh no, full name! Oh great, now he was probably gone be grounded for the whole school year too. Just peachy.

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Dottie was happy that she could make her big brothers life just a little bit harder. He was a jerky McJerk-Jerk. She decided to go back to playing poker with her imaginary friends, she didn't have any real ones because everyone though she was weird. So E.T. came to her in a dream and said that if she waited in her yard from 2:00 to 2:15 with a suitcase and her pink rain poncho he'd take her back to his home planet. So what, Trysta though about boys and that was just really, super weird. Boys were gross, but not David, he was funny. He taught her to climb up the chimney and he could stick a whole quarter in his belly-button. She wasn't weird, just different, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with different. David was different and there wasn't anything wrong with him as far as she could tell. So he didn't have a tongue, big deal! She didn't have a pinky finger on her left hand but that never stopped her from doing anything. Well, she couldn't stick her pinky up fancy like but that wasn't too important. She never went anywhere fancy anyway. She smiled as she though of something to do but she'd have to ask her father, her mother would probably say no. She said 'no' to everything, even going to the city dump to look for an engine for a car so she could build one. She ran down the stairs and into the living room where her father was watching the game. He was really into it. She stood in front of the TV and he motioned for her to move. She didn't so he grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her away so she went right back to where she was.

"Daddy, I'll move if you let me and Davey-"

"Yeah, whatever! Just move!" Dot smiled, she didn't even have to finish her sentence. She was going to have so much fun but first she'd have to brush her mop-top hair. It used to be longer but she got head lice. As she brushed she thought about going to the park afterwards, that would be fun and there was a mud slide championship that day. She ran outside to the backyard where David was playing with his army men. He was burying his dead in no man's land as she came up and tapped him on the shoulder. He jumped up like a raccoon after you bang on the garbage cans. He was so funny sometimes!

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Roach was happy in his home. The happiest he'd been in years. His parents were nice, the food was good, and Alice came to visit almost every day. Alice. Things had been a bit awkward for him since their kiss but she seemed to think nothing of it. Ahh, to be fourteen and innocent. Well, not that innocent. He remembered when she asked what wanting someone meant. Why would she even ask that question? He told her it meant wanting to sleep with someone before he could catch himself and she asked him to elaborate. Good thing he managed to change the conversation when he did or he'd have to explain the facts of life to his best friend. And that was one of the few things he vowed never to do. He began to continue playing in the dirt with his army men. They had to be buried when Dottie came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He jumped, he still wasn't so comfortable being touched or snuck up on but he could forgive her, she was very small and therefore had to be forgiven. In his mind anyway. His brothers and sisters didn't forgive her too easily but that was just them.

"David, we're going to the library. Now!" said Dot as she started to pull him. He got up and followed her. He didn't want to leave that much but Dottie seemed really excited and there was really no reason to disappoint the little kid. Wait, were they allowed to leave?

"_Were we given permission from either mother or father to leave?" _wrote Roach. Dottie took a look at the paper and turned it sideways and then upside down while she squinted. What was going on with her?

"I can't read so good, I'm only six you know." Said Dot as she pulled him down the street, discarding the paper. Roach held onto her, he didn't know this neighborhood so well anymore but Dottie apparently knew where she was going. As they walked don the street they got a few stares and whispers. Most of them being 'That's the boy with his tongue cut out' or 'that's the Cullen boy, I hear he has mental problems.' Roach took offense to that one. Even though he had been under the stairs for what now looked like more than two months he had still kept his sanity, unlike other people he knew. They got more stares as the came to a busy street where everyone was waiting to cross. They must have looked strange, a 5' 7" boy being led by a 4'2' little girl. He looked down, they contrasted sharply. He was tall, she was short. He had light brown-blonde hair and she was ginger, he had skin pale as a ghost and hers had been turned a deep ruby red from the sun. He looked down at his arm, it was slightly red. He didn't reapply sunscreen because his mother was only sending him outside for ten minutes and now he was paying for it. Dot pulled him to a big imposing stone building and he opened the door for her. They went in and Roach was grateful for the air conditioning. Dottie began to drag him towards the children's section and he followed, getting even more stares and slightly louder whispers. What was this he was feeling? He hadn't felt this in a while, self-conscious. He sat down on the rug next to Dot who had gotten a stack of books and was looking through her pockets for her library card. He decided that she could be on her own for a little while and he looked around by himself. There were more books in here than he had ever seen in his fifteen years of life; hundreds, maybe thousands of them in all different shapes and sizes. He didn't particularly like reading that much, he only read because there was no TV, but some of these books looked interesting. He looked on the shelves and saw some complicated looking books. He saw one that looked interesting, 'Practical Law'.

'**I wonder.' **Thought Roach as he took it back to where he left Dot. She had made a fort out of the books big enough for just her.

"You can be my castle guard, Dave." Said Dot. Dave, now that was a new one. He had been called David by most of his family and Davey by his mother and Roach by Alice and Fool but never Dave. Roach sat in front of her 'castle' and began to read. The first part was pretty boring; it described why it was important to have laws if you want a civilized society. What a load of bull, there were rules and laws and traditions under the stairs but the punishment for insubordination was death and anyone who couldn't defend themselves was kept as a slave. How civilized was that? Never the less he read on, apparently he was falsely imprisoned. Wow, so that was the word for it. Apparently you can't marry a sibling or blood relative either and you can't kill and eat people. Roach began to write a list of all the laws Mommy and Daddy broke. He read on and found out that it was illegal to keep slaves or force someone to do it who didn't want to. Wow, that was illegal? Too bad that Boss was probably already institutionalized; he could have up to twenty-five years in prison. He began to read on and on until Dot got bored of lording over people in her fort and told him it was time to leave. He helped her carry her big stack of books; apparently she was trying to find out the limit on books you could take out. Why she didn't just ask was beyond him. He put his book on the stack and they left but not before some other small children came in.

"Well if it isn't the speck!" said the girl who was apparently the leader. Dot gave her the longest look; it was a cross between contempt and sadness. Dot noticed the doll in the girl's hand.

"Are you gonna play dolls after this?" asked Dot back to her happy demeanor quick as lightning

"You don't have a doll." Said the girl as Dot reached into her oversized bag and pulled out what looked kinda like the dolls Alice used to stitch only this one was over stuffed and disproportioned.

"Ashley, meet Giselle! I made her but her head is too big so I pretended an ostrich laid eggs in her ears but she's sad because the eggs won't hatch so she thinks warm thoughts to warm up the egg." Said Dot as Roach looked at it curiously. So his sister liked to make dolls too? Albeit weird ones but who was he, a tongue-less mute, to judge what was weird and what was normal. Ashley on the other hand backed away.

"That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!" said Ashley loudly and the girl behind her said a long, drawn-out yeah. The girls entered the library and Dot threw her doll on the ground and wiped her tears. Roach picked up the doll. It didn't look that bad, it echoed Alice's early work true, but it wasn't the most disgusting thing ever. He handed Dot the doll and rubbed her mop-top head.

"Veree ice Dool." Said Roach trying to speak as clearly as possible

"You really think so?" said Dot. No one, not even her own mother, had ever complimented Giselle. Roach nodded and offered her his hand and they walked down the street. Dot smiled, she had finally made a friend.

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That was the most disappointing game ever! How could they lose to New York?! It was probably fixed but now he was in the hole fifty bucks. How was he going to explain that to his wife? He looked at the clock and saw that it was almost four. Wait, what was that? That was silence. The Cullen house was never silent; it was always filled with the sound of children and as of late, teenagers. This worried him, usually Morgan and Trysta would be fighting, Donna would be yakking away on the phone, Dottie would be playing with her pretend friends, and David would be-well he'd probably playing quietly in his room but that wasn't the point.

"Kids?" called out David Sr. he began to worry when he got no reply so he called a little louder. Morgan began to pound on the walls telling him to keep it down. Trysta apparently wasn't home. Donna came up from the cellar to get a soda and David Sr. asked where Dot and David Jr. were. He was also worried about Trysta but she was a pretty street smart kid. Even though his oldest son was fifteen he had spent ten years in practical isolation and Dottie was only six.

"What do you mean you don't know where they are!?" shouted Donna as she dropped her open Pepsi, no caring about the mess. How could he do this again?! Last time it took them two days to find Morgan who had made his was to the state line. No telling where David had gone, he was older and had quite a bit of money in ten years back allowance and Christmas money.

"Donna Marie Cullen you better help me find them!" said David Sr. as he began looking in the cabinets. Two days prior he had learned of his son's enjoyment of crawling into small, claustrophobic, places. That experience took quite a bit of time off of his life when he went to go get a box of cereal and had it handed to him by his son who had jammed himself in the cabinet. He was also found of going up the chimney for some odd reason. They began to look through the entire house, tearing it apart in the process, as Amada came home from shopping; she had to go more often now that they had another mouth to feed.

"Where the hell can they be?! We've gotta find them!" said David Sr. loudly as he searched the front closet. Donna was looking in the closet under the stairs and gasped as she saw her mother come home.

"Find what honey?" said Amada as she handed Donna a grocery bag, not taking notice of the nervous expression on her daughters face

"Super dad here lost the kids." Said Donna as she set the bag down and kept looking

"_I _lost the kids!?" said David Sr. who thought that Donna should have been paying more attention to what was going on

"See." Said Donna as Amada got a horrified look on her face as she dropped the grocery bags she was carrying, most of the food breaking open and making a mess. How the hell could this happen again. She had barely had her son home for a week and now he was gone again, so were her other children apparently. It was at that time that Trysta walked in carrying a movie soda and popcorn with chocolate on her face.

"Oh Ernest, will you ever learn?" said Trysta to herself as she entered the kitchen.

"Did I miss a funeral or something?" said Trysta as she saw her mother's expression

"You could say that, Dad dug his own grave." Said Morgan from the top of the stairs. Amanda rushed over to Trysta and began to hug and kiss her as Trysta loudly protested.

"Trystal River Cullen, don't you ever scare me like that again!" said Amanda loudly

"But dad said I could." Said Trysta as she wiped the lipstick kiss marks off of herself

"Oh yeah!" said David Sr. loudly. He did say that she could go see a PG13 movie with her friends and her friend's older brother.

"Where's David and Dot?" asked Donna who was relieved that her younger sister was alright.

"I saw them walking back from library but I think that they may have stopped at the park, you should bring them back, David's got a really bad sunburn." Said Trysta as she grabbed a handful of popcorn, her mother really over reacted to slightest thing a lot of the time. When she left the kitchen the front door opened and then muddy and dusty Dot came in with a very muddy, dusty, and sunburned David. She was saying something about them being the mud sled kings of the world and her getting the burn cream. Amanda ran up to Roach not caring that he was filthy and began to hug and kiss him and then Dot. Roach tensed up but not as much as he used to. That was a good sign. Amanda shoed her children out of the kitchen and turned some music up loudly and began to argue with her husband, he was really going to have to work on his parenting skills. Roach didn't know what the music was turned on for, maybe they liked that song, but he knew that he had to get this mud off of him. He went up to the bathroom to take a shower. That was the most fun he had ever had in his whole, entire, fifteen years of life. He had never had so much fun getting so dirty and his mother didn't even yell at him of hit him or anything. She just seemed very happy to see him. He stepped into the ice water not bothering to close that curtain. What was the point? The door was closed anyway. He stepped in the shower not noticing the door open ever so slightly.

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Trysta River Cullen didn't usually do things lie this but she was just a bit curious. Just a bit. Besides, her parents were busy arguing over the music, Dot was trying to hose herself off, Morgan was making escape plans, and Donna was trying to clean the mud out of the carpet. She opened the door just a bit as he stepped in. She gasped and quickly covered her mouth but he didn't notice. He had those little brown spots all over him and several scars that looked like words. She squinted and could just make out 'Bad Boys Burn in Hell' and 'Speak No Evil'. She could also see a malformed 'X' on his back. She put her hands over her eyes but spread her fingers. She wanted to see but also not to see. He was her brother but in a sense not her brother. She didn't grow up fighting with him like she did with Morgan and Donna and Dot to a lesser extent. He wasn't there when she was born or when she went to school for the first time or anything. So in a sense they weren't brother and sister even though they shared parents and siblings and relatives. She gasped and ran to her room as she heard footsteps behind her.

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"I wear the pants in this family!" said David Sr. as he looked down and discovered that he was in fact in boxers and his wife in blue jeans

"Oh really?!" said Amanda as she crossed her arms. How could her husband be so incredibly, unbelievably stupid? So what if David was fifteen?! He didn't know the neighborhood anymore and even Dot knew it better than him. They could have been kidnapped! Or Killed! Or lost! Her husband was such a child sometimes

"Listen, you made vows to honor and obey! So obey me when I say shut up about it! And turn this god damh music off!" yelled David Sr. as he stormed off. What was her problem? The kids were fine and no one was hurt or scarred for life or anything like that. So they came home covered in mud? Big deal! He once came home covered in pudding and vodka. This would boil over though, all of their fights did. They couldn't divorce though, that would be bad for the kids. They could have divorced when they had just two kids but then David disappeared and Morgan and Trysta and Dot were born. Then the house was transferred to both their names and now he was trapped. Plus, there was no way that he was going to split all of his stuff in half. He needed a glass of water, badly. He went to the sink and accidentally turned the hot water tap on and a slightly off pitch protest was heard. He apologized and went to the TV to see if anything good was on. He sighed, so this was his life; a father at sixteen, working the same pathetic job for his father until one of them died, a strange daughter, a teenage daughter, the terrible twosome, and a disturbed or at least unbalanced son, and a crapped wood paneled station wagon. Life sucked.

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What the fucking hell was wrong with her husband?! Was he dropped after being born or something?! They could have lost him again! She was just getting to know her son and he could have been lost as well as her third born daughter! This was the worst thing he had done since take Donna and David to a stag party with him twelve years ago. She began to think of a calm blue ocean as she rubbed her temples. Maybe a relaxing bath would help. She began to make her way to the bathroom when she was greeted with a shocking site. Her oldest son was in the shower and Trysta was peeping at him. That was her brother for god's sakes! Well, she was at that curious age but she still wasn't raising any tail and flipper grandkids! Trysta must have heard the floor board's creek under her because she made a mad dash for her room. A few seconds later the water turned of and the door was closed. She shook her head, was anyone in this family normal?

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Trysta ran to her room and jumped on her bed, hitting her head on the frame and almost knocking her pet frog, Ulysses, off of the nightstand. She was almost caught by someone. She didn't care who. Being caught by anyone would have been bad. She began to shake her head as if to force the thoughts out of her mind. She took several deep breaths and began to tell herself that he was her brother and he was five years older than her. He was also kinda good looking and his scars were neat in a morbid sorta way. She shook her head even harder and bumped it. She screamed and Morgan began to bang on the wall for her to shut up. Her father began to hit the ceiling of the living room with a broom telling Morgan to shut up. Morgan. Maybe he could at least do something annoying to take her mind off of David. She waltzed into his room like she owned the place, he hated that. He didn't notice though, he was breaking open stale fortune cookies and eating them. Morgan did strange things during videogame and TV withdrawl. Last time he took up knitting and knitted himself six fingered mittens. There were times like that that she was embarrassed to be his twin. She flopped down on his bed and put a Michael Jackson cassette in.

"Let a smile be your umbrella? That's dumb, a frown would make a much better umbrella than a smile don't ya think Trystal?" said Morgan knowing how Trysta hated her typo of a name. She growled a bit and turned up the music as Morgan read more fortunes.

"You will take a long trip soon. We never go anywhere."

"We went to Coney island last year."

"Yeah but we never go anywhere cool." Trysta sighed. He always had to be right

"Your attraction to him is purely physical, talk to the man and you'll see that you have nothing in common. Hey that'd been good for Donna when she was going out with that guy who had a hand mirror and combed his hair every five seconds right?"

"Thanks Morgan." Said Trysta as she left a confused Morgan in his bedroom and went to David's room. He was in nothing but jeans and he was looking for a shirt when Trysta came in. He quickly threw on the first T-shirt he could find. It was much to big for him as most of his clothes were seeing as how people from the community donated their old clothes to him. He cocked his head to the side in a 'what' fashion.

"Do you like cartoons?" Roach nodded

"Pimentos?" Roach shook his head no

"Jelly worms?" Roach nodded beginning to wonder why he was being interrogated. Each answer seemed to panic her just a tiny bit more

"The Who?" Roach nodded again and Trysta began to bite her nails

"Elvis?" Roach once again nodded and began to brush his hair a hundred times on each side

"Yellow Submarine?" Trysta gulped

"Hew yeah!" said Roach and Trysta gasped. It wasn't like she hadn't heard his voice before but it was still shocking. His voice either never deepened or it had to do with the fact that he had his tongue cut out. Either way it wasn't a pleasant experience. Trysta went without saying goodbye and Roach scratched his head. He then decided that little sisters were all weird in their own way. He shrugged and sat on his bed looking at the old faded poster on his ceiling. It seemed like just yesterday he went to Graceland and got that poster. It also seemed like just yesterday that you had to go to an arcade to play videogames and VCRs were extremely expensive. Oh how the times had changed in the last ten years. He reminded himself of Rip Van Winkle, sleeping for a hundred years. He could hear voices from his vent and he pressed his ear to it. It was shouting. His parents were shouting. They were shouting something about responsibility. Mommy and Daddy shouted too, almost all the time when one of them over stepped their bounds or when Mommy didn't make Daddy's suits exactly the way he liked them or when she tried to leave to get groceries one day and they were alone. Mommy had gotten beaten up that day and for the briefest of moments he felt sorry for her. She was just a woman for those few moments and not the monster he had come to see her as. He was disgusted with himself after those few moments though. More disgusted then the first time he was forced to-No! Never again. He had to stop remembering his time under the stairs, stop remembering the house. All that mattered was that he was home with his parents who loved him and siblings who more or less loved him and Alice who was his best friend. He sighed loudly and began to write in his notebook. He had filled it up almost a quarter of the way with his thoughts and feelings and observations and dreams. Not all of his dreams were about him and Alice running into the big, bright world anymore, now some of them were of him and Alice having fun and he had one where they got married and had seven children named after the seven dwarves. He also had nightmares, horrible nightmares that made him claw at his skin at night until his sleeves were a dark red and his mother rushed in and bandaged him up, nightmares of horrible things and sometimes memories like he was there again. He hated those nights of torn skin and loud shrieks and lived for his dreams of him and Alice together in the big, bright, wonderful world. He lived for them.

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"Robeson, you got a visitor." Said the guard as he banged on Daddy's prison cell. Daddy walked over to the door, limping as he walked. His cellmates had done a real number on him, in more ways than one. He was lead to a room with guards and a table and two chairs. It was a bit like the interrogation room only bigger. He hoped that Mommy had come out and was here to see him. Maybe they finally realized he was trying to help them and that the children in the cellar were the ones to blame. Maybe they had agreed to let Mommy get bail and she was here to bail him out. He was lead to a table and for the briefest of moments he thought that it was Mommy but then he realized that the hair was longer and the color darker. He looked into the chocolate brown eyes of his sister, Eloise. Her eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared. He sat down across from her and she reached a hand over and slapped him, cutting him with her nails in the process. The guards did nothing, why should they? He disserved whatever he got.

"Don't you remember, Eldon? Remember Mother and Father? Remember what they did!? Remember how Father Drove that nail through your thumb when you were caught feeding King your food and then you were starved?! Remember what Father did to Elmer?! Goddamhit, he cut out his tongue and eyes and put him in the cellar! Why would you do that to those boys and girls?! Why?!" by now Eloise Robeson was crying. Sobs raked her body as she remembered each torture she hand her siblings had been forced to go through. She remembered her own torture of being tied to Eldon's bed and being forced to be his plaything until she got pregnant and was forced to give birth under the stairs and had to escape without her newborn daughter. Did the child live? Probably not. There was only one girl under the stairs and she may or may not have been able to nurse her daughter. Probably not.

"Of course I remember! I remember that they deserved it! They did horrible, nasty, evil, sinful things and had to be punished. You were bad too, getting pregnant. How could you do that?!"

"You think I asked to conceive that baby?! Well guess what Eldon that was out of my control!"

"No, you're just making excuses like all the others but you deserved to be put in the cellar and your daughter deserved to die!" that felt like a dagger through Eloise's heart. Dead. Her daughter was dead. Her only child was gone, never to be seen or held or anything. She didn't even have a chance!

"I killed her when she went the same route as you did." Eloise rose from her chair and smacked Daddy as hard as she could. He killed her newborn daughter! How could he!? Wait, the same route as she did?

"What do you mean!?" said Eloise loudly as Daddy tried to stop his nose from bleeding with the sleeve of his shirt. Daddy in a nasally voice said:

"She gave birth, I couldn't find the baby, they wouldn't give it up and I wasn't about to go in there. This was about twenty-five years ago so it's probably dead. Good riddance, being born out of wedlock." Eloise left in a daze. Her daughter was dead but she maybe had a granddaughter or grandson out there somewhere. She didn't notice the look of pure hatred Eldon gave her as she left. She had to get to the hospital where they were keeping the people under the stairs. She had too, they'd know. They kept very good records of birthdays and death days as well as rank. It could be possible that he was alive; he could have nursed from one of the women and maybe escaped into the walls. Escaped into the walls? Maybe that boy who got out first could be her-No wait, they announced his full name and his parents were on the TV. Maybe if it was her grandson he was the new leader, they went through leaders pretty quickly. Or maybe he was just a pile of bones at the graveyard by the wall. She pulled into Northwest Mercy hospital, where most of the people under the stairs were now kept. She walked into the lobby and asked for a visitors pass. First she had to be searched; it was a mental hospital after all.

"Who are you visiting?" asked the receptionist in a bored voice

"One of the people under the stairs, which one is the most lucid."

"You with the press?"

"No, I just have some questions that need answering."

"Then read the paper lady. Next!" She wouldn't be gotten rid of that easily. She came for answers and answers she would get.

"No, wait! My child was taken from me and put in that cellar. I'm looking and I just need some closer. Please!" that receptionist handed her a visitors pass and told her not to tell anyone she did this because she could lose her job. She began to look for the last name Robeson and an odd first name like Bone of Leader. She found an Anita Robeson and stepped in. it was a white room but not padded. There were no corners on the bed but there were books and an adjoining bathroom with the door closed. There was a figure sleeping on the bed. She looked at the pile of books; most of them were baby books and baby name books. There was also a newspaper with Eldon and Elmira on the cover. The figure began to stir.

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Pregnancy had really taken its toll on Headbanger. She was sick to her stomach, his feet and head were killing her, and this kid was getting into fights with her internal organs. She liked this Northwest Mercy place, there was food and a TV room and books and a yard with a fence so no one escaped but it was still outside and there were books. They said that unless she could prove that she could function in the outside world her baby would be taken but she might still be able to visit. That scared her, the thought of her baby being taken from her. This baby was a miracle, the first baby to be conceived under the stairs but to be born in the outside. She even had a name picked out, Miracle after what she was and Fool for the person who made their escape possible and maybe Roach for one of the few people to ever so her kindness. Roach. He was alive; she saw it on the television. He was alive with his family. Goodgirl was alive too with her family. She had always thought that Mommy and Daddy conceived her replacement, the things you learn. She had been asleep thinking of her baby and oatmeal raisin cookies, her new favorite food, when she heard her door open. The white coats were probably doing a contraband check, why they checked her she'd never know. She would never do anything to jeopardize her stay at this wonderful place. They weren't leaving, maybe it was medication time. She didn't really like medication time that much because the tiny pink pills made her dizzy but it was for her own good. Maybe it was ultrasound time. The first time she had gotten an ultrasound she was amazed. Never in her wildest, most foolish dreams could she imagine a machine that could look inside of you without having to cut you open. She opened an eye and saw that it wasn't a white coat; it was a woman who looked a bit like Mommy but not exactly like her. She opened the other eye and sat up, ignoring her baby's protests at the sudden movement.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Headbanger but then she looked at the red marks never truly faded on her wrists. It couldn't possibly be her. 'She who was Tied to Bed' was in her room. Messenger's grandmother was in her room. Her eyes narrowed. In the time of her freedom from that prison her opinion of 'She Who was Tied to Bed' mirrored Boss'. She had been out for years! She could have helped! She could have stopped all of this from happening but she didn't! Headbanger narrowed her eyes and scooted away.

"What's your name?" asked Eloise who hoped that this wasn't just some semi crazy mental patient; this might have been a person from under the stairs. She was thin and pale enough but oddly, she was pregnant.

"Anita." Said Headbanger ready to strike if given incentive. She was a woman true, and a slave, but that didn't mean she didn't know how to defend herself.

"What's your real name Anita?" said Eloise as she took a step back. She knew that look, that defensive look. She knew that ready to attack stance well from her time under the stairs.

"Headbanger." Said Headbanger coyly

"I'm-"started Eloise but Headbanger cut her off

"I know who you are; you're 'She Who was Chained to Bed'. Or 'Tied to Bed', doesn't really matter.

"Yes, well I'm looking for someone. Someone born under the stairs about twenty-five years ago."

"You mean Messenger."

"Messenger, so is he or she here?"

"He's in a padded room, that's where they put the dangerous people or so I'm told. What do you want with him? You gonna take him home and be his mother or you just gonna try and finish what Daddy started?" Ouch. That stung Eloise that this girl, Headbanger thought she was anything like her brother. If she was like Eldon or Elmira then why would she escape?

"Thank you, Anita." Said Eloise as she walked off

"That's Headbanger to you, deserter." And with those harsh words Headbanger lay down on her back and tried to sleep. Rubbing her belly as she laid there. Eloise walked down the corridors. Soon she passed the group room where there were lots of people and open doors and entered another part of the institution. The rooms were heavily sealed with little windows to look in on. She looked for a bit and found one with the name Messenger Robeson and looked inside. There was a person about the size of a twelve year old. He walked along the edge of the room feeling the sides with his hands like he was blind. His walk was odd, knees bent backward, and he stopped occasionally to put his ear to the wall or lick it. He made his way over to the tiny window and looked up. Eloise looked down and was met with an identical pair of brown eyes. He began to shout a slightly distorted 'mother!' over and over again. His shouts got the attention of an orderly.

"Who the hell are you?!" asked the orderly as he opened the door and got a straight jacket out

"I-I'm-"stuttered Eloise unsure of what to say. 'I'm a deserter'? 'I'm his grandmother'? 'I'm one of them'? 'I'm a lawyer'? while she was deliberating the orderly took a look at her pass

"You can't be down here! Get out!" said the orderly as Messenger came out and was helped into the straight jacket. He looked crushed as he was led down the unnaturally white hall. Eloise turned and ran back to her car ignoring the protests of passers by. When she got to her car she began to cry and recite the last and only lullaby she had ever told to her baby. Her only baby.

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Messenger's day had started like all the others had this past week. The white coats would wake him and give him food then pills than put him back into the white room. Then after a little while a woman came in to talk to him. After she left he'd wonder his room memorizing the walls and looking for another person. They must have just been hiding behind the white. Yes, that was it! He couldn't be alone oh no. He was never alone! The voices in his head had whispered that to him. The voices didn't whisper anymore or scream. Now they were gone too, hiding behind the white with everyone else. Sometimes he put his hand in his hair and felt it grow. It was short now, very short. It was short like Cockroach's. Cockroach. Where was he? He was probably trapped in the cellar since him and the girl who was to be with him, what did Cockroach call her, Alice? Yes Alice. He and Alice weren't there when the blue people came and set them free into the big dark world with its tall, pink, people. Everyone was either pink or brown but they, they were white. Very white. The bugs crawl in, the bugs crawl out. In the stomach and out the mouth! Heehawed. Blue people, white coats! Blue, white! Blue, white! He wondered around his room looking for a space beneath the white where someone could be. He made it to the door that only the white coats could open and looked through the hole with the invisible wall in front of it and there she stood, his mother. Almost as he remembered her though she was much more pink and wrinkled. Maybe that's what happened to you when you went to forever sleep; you woke up pink and wrinkled. He called out to her but she did nothing so he called out again, louder and began to bang. Why couldn't she see him? His joy grew to euphoria as the door opened and a white shirt, not a white coat was there. His mother was leaving quickly, maybe he just imagined her there looking at him through the invisible wall that separated white from very white. He looked down as he was put into the no scratch coat because he liked to scratch the white coats just to put some color on them. Red! Blue! White! Red! The bugs crawl in, the bugs crawl out! Through the stomach and out the mouth!

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Alice missed Roach. True she had just seen him yesterday but she was used to spending every single day with him. She sighed as she tidied her already spick-and-span room. It was much different from when she came. The walls were now a soft pink instead of white and the entire room reflected her tastes. She was amazed when her mother asked her how she wanted her room to be, so amazed that all she could say was that she didn't know so her mother had taken her best guess. Her best guess was pretty good only Alice wasn't that found of the color pink. Most of the things in her room were now pink, her walls, her bed, her dresser, and her curtains. Her room was full of dolls now, more than she had ever owned. Some were Barbie's which Alice thought were alright but not great, some were glass dolls which she was very careful with and some were just miscellaneous dolls that her parents had bought for her. Her parents had bought a lot of stuff for her to make her feel better and she was a little afraid to tell them that it made no difference. The only thing that had made a big difference was the sewing machine that she had found in the hall closet. She didn't stitch dolls to hold the souls of people who died anymore, she just sewed dolls to play with and dolls of people she knew. She also made on doll of Mommy and one of Daddy and she and Roach stuck pins in them. Roach said it was called Voodoo and it would work better if they had some of their hair. Roach. She had hoped that the butterfly feeling would go away. It wasn't un-pleasant but it wasn't pleasant either. It made her both happy and sad at the same time. It made her head spin and her heart want to jump out of her chest and into her throat, kinda like when Roach kissed her but then it was so wonderful that she though she was going to faint. She put her hand to her lips and felt the only kiss she had ever known and sighed wishing Roach would kiss her again. She'd ask him but every time she tried she'd get nervous and sound exactly like him or say something totally unrelated to what she wanted to say. Did Roach feel the same way? Sometimes he said things that made no sense around her and stuttered and rubbed the back of his head out of nervousness. She decided to stop thinking about this, if Roach was feeling this way he'd tell her. He told her everything and she told him everything too. To take her mind off of these things she went to her sewing machine by the window. She was going to see if she could make herself a dress that should keep her mind off of this. Just as she started she saw someone who she wasn't sure she'd ever see again.

"Fool! Hey Fool, I'm up here!"

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Poindexter Fool Williams Murphy was lost. Completely and totally unbelievably lost. His mom was out of the hospital and was in the apartment that Ruby and his grandfather had picked out. It was still in a poorer district just on the edge of where he was right now but it wasn't a ghetto and that was all he could ask for. He had told Ruby who was watching him because his mother needed rest still that he was going exploring and Ruby told him not to go too far. He now wished that he had listened to her. He had gone off the main road and into a neighborhood and then another until he was so far in he couldn't find his way back to the road he had been walking along. The worst part of all this was the thirst. He only had five dollars in his pocket and he hadn't seen a store for about an hour. He hoped that he wasn't getting dehydrated, he could die from that. Imagine, escaping a house where a lunatic shot at him in a black gimp suit only to die of dehydration. He was walking along when he heard a familiar voice calling him. It was Alice. She was calling and waving and he waved back. Maybe she'd know the way back to the road, she did live there.

"Fool, what are you doing here?" shouted Alice. She didn't know that Fool lived around here; Roach had told her that Fool lived in a place called a ghetto. Was this a ghetto?

"I'm kinda lost. Do you know how to get to State Street?"

"Sorry Fool, but Roach might know, he lived here longer than me." Roach would know, he knew everything and what he didn't know he got from his sisters or brother.

"Roach up there too?"

"No, he's at his house."

"Where's he live?"

"I'll lead you there." Said Alice as she put on her sandals. She hoped that Fool would wait or maybe come in. she hadn't seen him in a while and was really starting to miss him. He was her second friend ever in her whole fourteen years of life.

"Hey Alice, you got anything to drink?"

"Yes, wait for me to let you in."

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Mary-Ann was comfortably sitting on the couch watching her stories when she heard shouting. Her youngest daughters shouting. This alarmed her, Alice was usually such a quiet, timid, nervous girl but now she was shouting. That couldn't have been good so she got up quickly but then realized that she was shouting to someone. It couldn't have been that David boy, he sounded nothing like that. She shuddered as she remembered his distorted voice. She looked out the window and saw a little black boy. He looked familiar and she remembered him from the news reports. His name was Poindexter and he helped her daughter escape. She was going to open the door and offer him a drink, he looked parched but Alice beat her to it. Her hand was trembling as it went for the top lock. Mommy used to put her hand on the hot oven if she dared to touch the locks that get the sinfulness of the world out of their happy home.

"Alice, you gonna lemme in or not?" said Fool from behind the door. Mary-Ann went to the door and Alice jumped back and hugged her arms to herself. Mary-Ann had learned the hard that is wasn't a good idea to touch her while she was doing this. She opened the door and decided to let her daughter have some privacy. She was sure nothing was gonna happen, her daughter didn't even know about those things. She at fourteen years old had actually asked what sleep together meant. Mary-Ann of course changed the subject and bought her a new Malibu Barbie to keep her busy. She knew that she and Ronald overindulged their daughter but frankly they didn't care. As long as she wasn't another Debbie they were fine with her and she wasn't really acting that spoiled. The only thing she asked for was food, water, to go to the bathroom, and that sewing machine and the old box of cloth she found. She had no idea her daughter even knew how to sew. The things you learn huh?

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"Nice place ya got here." Said Fool as Alice poured him some of the lemonade Roach had taught her to make. It was just a bit too sweet in her opinion but Roach said it was fine but then again he only had a little more than half a tongue. She poured Fool a glass and sat down next to him sipping hers idly. Oh no, the feeling was back. The butterfly in your stomach heart gonna jump out of your chest feeling. She looked over at Fool. He wasn't as tall as Roach and Roach looked like more of a man but Fool had his charms to. His accent was funny and maybe, just maybe he knew more than Roach.

"It's a little to sweet." Said Fool as he rubbed his tongue against the top of his mouth. To sweet was an understatement, you could practically see the sugar. Alice didn't seem to mind too much though as she was sipping her lemonade and looking at him. Alice. How old was she anyway? She looked younger when they first met, she also looked paler too. She wasn't hot, just pretty and she looked even prettier in the dress she was wearing. It was a baby blue thing with silk at the bottom and a bow in the back. He looked down and blushed; he was getting a crush on Alice. Wait, was Alice with Roach? Maybe, or maybe they were just very close friends. Maybe Alice didn't even like Roach back or maybe Alice licked him. Or maybe Alice didn't like anyone as more than a friend. Maybe he should try something and he could apologize afterward, she looked like a forgiving person.

"Hey Alice, close your eyes." Said Fool. Alice gave him a confused look and closed her eyes wondering why she had to close her eyes. Her answer came in the form of a kiss. Alice was startled but didn't break apart from Fool, this was nice. It was a bit like when she and Roach kissed only Fool caught her by surprise and it was a lot wetter. Fool put his hand on her back and kissed for a few more seconds before breaking apart. Fool looked at her trying to gauge her reaction. She looked at him then at the ceiling fan then at her shoes then at nothing in particular and she blushed and smiled. Fool let out a breath he had unconsciously been holding. She wasn't freaking out, that was good.

"So uh-Alice you ever done anything like that before?" lice nodded yes as she looked down at her shoes. Maybe since she and Fool were friends she shouldn't keep secrets from him. She and Roach were friends and they didn't have any secrets.

"Who kissed you?" Asked Fool already having a good guess on the answer

"Roach." Said Alice softly as she blushed

"Roach?" said Fool quietly. Alright, Roach would probably be mad if he ever got wind of this. Roach made him slightly uneasy; something about that guy was just off. There was no other way to describe it.

"Yes. Have you ever done that before?" asked Alice as she collected their drinking glasses to be taken to the kitchen sink

"A couple times. Listen Alice, you really shouldn't tell Roach about this. Ever."

"Why?" asked Alice. She told Roach everything

"Because he probably doesn't want to know that and he might hit me or somethin' if he knows I kissed you."

"Roach wouldn't hit you, you saved us and he thinks your voice is funny."

"Yeah well-What's wrong with my voice?!" Roach said HIS voice was funny. Didn't that guy ever hear himself talk?

"You talk funny. Maybe we should be getting to Roach's house. He'll be happy to see you and don't worry I can keep a secret like when Roach got stuck in the tree at his house. Uhh, don't tell Roach I told you that."

"Fine, let's go."

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Please review. FoolXAlice goodness!


	12. Free as can be & a jar full of Roaches

Disclaimer: Do any of you even care if I own this? Are people roaming the Internet looking for people who don't put up disclaimers? If so then those people have just a bit too much free-time.

Messenger sat outside in a room with a fence. He was scared, this was scary. He had never in his whole twenty-five years of life been outside into the brightness of the sun. the white coats didn't know that and when they first brought him outside he couldn't see and the sun was like fire on his skin. Now he was dressed in black with a hat, sunscreen which Messenger hated the smell of, and sunglasses which Messenger thought were funny looking. They white coats were writing things down as Messenger began to crawl around the edge of the fence, others were out here too, some in no scratch coats and some just in the grey clothes that they were put in. he began to eat some grass and the white coats took more notes. Messenger had no idea that he was this interesting, interesting enough that someone would ant to write about him. Was paper as scarce here as it was under the stairs? Probably not because so much was written on it. There were actual books written on paper, his chart which he not allowed to look at for some odd reason was on paper, there was even toilet paper. Under the stairs the only people who were allowed paper were Scribe and the current leader. Leader. Messenger wanted to be leader sometimes when he forgot his place. He was a slave. Slaves couldn't become leader because they weren't strong enough to defend themselves. He missed the other slaves that Boss owned, Headbanger and Cockroach. Headbanger was his sorta mother she said and Messenger couldn't have been happier. Until of course she almost had her first baby. Messenger knew at that moment that Headbanger couldn't have been his mother, she was someone else's mother and he didn't want to take things that didn't belong to him. Well, he did sometimes but that was met with punishment from Boss and before him Bites and before him Scratch and so on and so on. He began to roll in the soft grass. It was the softest thing he had ever felt, softer than his bed, softer than his new grey clothes, softer than his red hair. Grey! Red! Grey clothes red hair! He began to cackle in a Cockroach fashion. Cockroach. Boss didn't really need him that much but Messenger supposed that he held a grudge. If it weren't for Cockroach Bites would still have been alive. Messenger didn't miss Bites though, who would? Boss was a better leader and owner than Bites. All Bites would do is take from Messenger and never let Messenger get anything out of it. Boss sometimes switched with Messenger like he sometimes switched with Headbanger and Cockroach. He and Headbanger loved it while it seemed to upset Cockroach more than usual. He was always a little upset though, at first about losing his tongue then about not being able to see that Alice girl then about how Boss was treating him. Boss treated him just a bit worse then everybody else. He and Headbanger were just there to make him feel good but Cockroach was his punching bag. Messenger go up and was startled, he wasn't thinking about colors anymore and his mothers rhyme. Come to think of it he hadn't thought about it since the white coats had given him the little round pink pills. Maybe there was some connection? Messenger didn't care, he just wanted the poem back. The bugs crawl in, the bugs crawl out. In the stomach and out the mouth. OK, it was there, just hiding. Hiding behind the white like everything else. Maybe it was hiding in the green. Hiding in the green with the brown and the black that made his clothes brown and black too. He took a handful of the stuff under the grass and took a bite. He spat it out instantly, that was awful! It was worse than the water under the stair and his own blood combined. He decided to leave that place and walk toward the people. Why were they all dressed the same? The white coats began to follow. They were dressed the same too. Maybe that was normal for the outside, to dress the same. He began to look at each person, feet squared and knees bent, he knew no other way to walk. He looked at some muttering people in no scratch coats. He poked them a bit but they didn't seem to notice so he shuffled along. He saw some women but was afraid to approach, what if their owners hurt him for getting too close to their property. Stairmaster hurt him once for getting to close to Singer even though it was Scribe who owned her. He began to walk along until he got to a hard brown thing with green at the very top. It seemed to touch the blue of the sky as well as the green of the ground. Blue! Blue sky, Blue shirts! Hehehehe! He began to walk around it until he came to a woman. Her hair was dark and her face pale, she was reading a sheet of paper. Messenger was tempted to ask her what the squiggles on the paper meant or what the pictures were of but he was afraid. Curiosity got the best of him as he saw her protruding belly and he poked it. The woman sat upright and grabbed his arm. It was Headbanger. Her cheeks weren't as shrunken of her eyes as big but it was her. The blacks of her eyes had receded showing the brown underneath and her skin was almost a shade darker and there were no longer dark circles under he eyes. She lessened her grip on his arm and began to study him. Messenger was momentarily confused; didn't she recognize him?

"Hi Messenger, I'm so incredibly glad to see you I could just jump up and touch the sky!" said Headbanger loudly as she pulled him in for a hug, squishing him against her belly in the process

"H-Headbanger. Y-you're crushing my ribcage." Said Messenger in his raspy barely used voice. It sounded like sandpaper almost, or at least a very quiet whisper

"Oh, sorry. Anyway, how are you? Do you know of anyone else? Will you be going to a group home as well?" said Headbanger telling a tiny lie. She didn't know for sure if she was going to a group home but she really hoped she would. Not that she was ungrateful but she didn't exactly do well inside walls, stone or wood.

"Messenger fine but Messenger think that something may be wrong with Messenger head. Messenger no think mother rhyme. Scare Messenger but Messenger no scared as long as with Headbanger. She very good person and gonna be mother soon. That good. That very good." Said Messenger. He always Said his name when referring to himself to make sure that he was real and not just a pretend person like Heep and Neep. They were the names his voices had but they were gone now so they must have been pretend. Or they were hiding behind the white or up in the blue. Up so high he could never, ever reach them no matter how much he strained his arms to the sky.

"That's good I suppose, not about the rhyme thing though. I hope you can remember and if not I'll give you a hint or maybe a new rhyme. Would you like to feel the baby?"

"If Messenger can't remember then Messenger ask Headbanger help and Messenger don't like new rhyme, want mother rhyme. Mother give to Messenger. Headbanger give rhyme to baby person. Where baby person? Baby person behind white? " asked Messenger as he looked in all directions but could see no baby. Maybe there was a baby but he couldn't recognize it. He had only seen stillborns so maybe babies looked different from stillborns. Headbanger took his hand and put it on her stomach. Messenger was startled, he wasn't used to women touching him. Only men but Headbanger didn't seem to want what they usually wanted.

"Why Headbanger eat baby?" asked Messenger who didn't think that she'd be that hungry. After all, the white coats fed them every day many times a day and it wasn't always meat.

"No silly, the baby grows in here until it's ready to come out and greet the world." Said Headbanger as Messenger jumped back, the baby had kicked him.

"It wants to come out Messenger thinks. Everyone want to come out. Want real deep down to come out."

"Yes, but it's still to small but one day it'll be able to come out and live in the world free as can be."

"Like all of us?"

"Yes Messenger, just like all of us." And with that they were lead back inside, still free but not as much as everyone else but hey, what more could they ask for. This was more freedom than they had ever known or ever dreamed of knowing.

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"Will you be going to school too? My sister's going to school but I can't because I'm too behind. Well, at least that's real Mommy and Daddy said. They said that my aunt is going to teach me. I didn't even no I had and aunt or what an aunt was. Her names aunt Frieda and she's my father's sister. Do you have an aunt? Roach has lots of aunts and uncles but he says that they're mostly on his mothers side. I didn't even know that there were sides. Did you know that there's no limit on how many brothers and sisters you can have? His father has two brothers but his mother was on of ten children. Isn't that amazing? My mother had four sisters and my father only had a big sister and three younger brothers. They're called triplets because they were all born at once. Did you know that more than one baby can be born at a time? I didn't but then again my sister Debbie which is short for Debora says that what I don't know could fill a warehouse. That's an expression you know. Roach says that people use expression when they want to make a point. Morgan and Trysta, which is short for Trystal which is misspelling of Crystal are twins and they're Roach little brother and sister. Why do people say little instead of younger?" said Alice who had began to talk up a storm as soon as they left. Fool knew that girls were supposed to talk a lot but this was just getting crazy. Fool supposed that Alice didn't have a lot of people to talk too since she seemed to be a bit afraid of her mother and he didn't imagine that Roach would be really good for conversation.

"I dunno, maybe it's because they're little too. Hey, how much farther, my feet are killing me. Not literally!" said Fool quickly as he noticed Alice's startled expression

"Oh I see, that was one of those expression things. We've just got to go past a few more houses and we're there." While they walked Alice went on and on about the different kinds of dolls she had and how she didn't really like oink as much as her mother though but didn't want to make her angry. All this time Fool was looking at her. She was covered in a bit too much sunscreen and her sundress was a bit too long to be fashionable for her age group. Hey, how old was Alice anyway?

"Hey Alice, how old are you?"

"Fourteen. You're thirteen, I heard you tell that man it was your birthday." Said Alice as she lead him up the walkway littered with children's chalk drawings and toys. Fool was shocked, she didn't look Fourteen. Maybe it was because of how thin she was and how she dressed. He dress would have been better suited on a six year old A rock flew from the window and almost hit Fool.

"What the hell?!" yelled Fool as Alice told him he was speaking evil.

"Well, that was Morgan."

"What's his problem?!"

"See, he's mad that he got in trouble for locking Roach in the cellar and now he's really mad at Roach and Roach says that he takes it out on everyone. It's Ok though, he's little."

"Yeah sure." Said Fool sarcastically as he rang the bell. Alice seemed to miss the sarcasm and nodded in agreement. 'When do Birds Suddenly Apppear ' began to play an Alice did a little swinging her arms and hips dance while Fool just raised an eyebrow questioningly. First the curtain by the door window moved, then the mail slot opened, then finally the door opened and they were both pulled in. Roach laughed a bit and smiled as he embraced Alice and picked her up a bit at the same time. He made an odd sound that sounded pretty happy but still just a bit off pitch. It was a cross between a laugh and a squeel.

"Foo!" said Roach loudly as he shook his hand so hard he almost dislocated it. Roach new enough to know that boys didn't hug boys. Boys could hug girls, girls could hug girls, but boys couldn't hug boys. It just wasn't accepted in outside society for some odd reason. Fool struggled to get his arm out of Roach's grip. That guy was really strong for a skinny guy.

"Roach, Roach! Listen man, do ya know which way State Street is?" asked Fool. Roach said something unintelligible and nodded up and down and went to put his shoes on.

"Roach is gonna lead us he says. He also says to bring something to drink because it's a long way." Said Alice

"You understood that?" said Fool and Alice nodded. It was mostly gibberish to him with the occasional clear or semi clear word. It was then that David Cullen Sr. entered the hallway and saw his son, half burn red, getting ready to leave.

"Gettin' stir crazy David Jr.?" said David Sr. who honestly didn't mind that his son wanted to leave, no one wanted to stay cooped up forever and the boy was cooped up for ten years. He was surprised that he didn't try and live in the tree, he currently climbed the roof when he though no one was around. It worried David Sr. a bit but he was afraid to tell his son no, not knowing how he'd handle it. Would he listen? Defy him when he wasn't around, or throw a tantrum like when he was five? There was really no telling with that boy.

"_Fool needs directions to State Street, I think he's lost." _Wrote Roach before getting his hat. It was then that he noticed the O'Dell girl who used their house like a second home and a little black boy he recognized as the boy who made his son's escape possible. This was one of the rare times when David Sr. would put his foot down about something. Not only was State Street where the not that bad but not as good neighborhood was, it was very far away. He grabbed his son by the collar and told him in a firm voice no. Roach looked ready to start hyperventilating and protest at the same time.

"Donna will drive you." Said David Sr. as he let his son go. He got his breathing under control and walked to the kitchen. He motioned for Fool and Alice to follow. Alice walked beside Roach who was still just a bit freaked out and Fool gave Roach a look.

"Roach doesn't like to be touched." Said Alice as Roach began to bang on the basement door. After a few seconds footsteps could be heard then the door opened.

"Hey David, whaddaya need? You in trouble for leaving with Dot?" Said Donna not noticing Fool or Alice. Alice waved hello, she liked Roach's older sister who was a bit like her sister only she talk about being popular as much. Alice suspected she wasn't. Roach nodded no and put his hands together like he was praying and said what sounded like Hallelujah over and over again.

"Yeah my brother, you can do no wrong in Mom and Pop's eyes. Hey, I didn't know you had other friends!" said Donna noticing Alice and Fool. By now Alice was tidying a slightly messy kitchen and Fool was resisting the urge not to look down Donna's low cut exercise shirt.

"I'm Donna Cullen, and you are?"

"Poindexter Williams Murphy."

"Poindexter?" said Donna not believing him but then again it was the nineties.

"Everybody calls me Fool."

"Fool? Alright then. Hey Alice, it's clean enough." Said Donna noticing Alice wiping down their counters. Donna knew something was off about her but didn't think much of it. As far as she was concerned there were as many different ways to live as there were people in this world and each of them disserved a closer look. Besides, she didn't look like the type to kill her in her sleep.

"_Fool needs a ride." _Said Roach handing her some car keys and shoes

"To where and why do I have to drive?"

"_State Street and because father said so. It would be very bad to disobey."_

"Number one: Fine I'll drive. Number two: Will you please stop calling them Mother and Father? They're Mom and Dad. And finally, It's Ok to disobey. I do it all the time." Said Donna putting on her gel sandals with some difficulty. They were hot an itchy but they were also in and that's what mattered.

"Speak No Evil." Muttered Fool as he read the words on Roach's chest. Roach wasn't in a real shirt, it was a shirt that hung down low and was ripped in places. Fool had caught Roach in the middle of trying to go up the chimney. Roach had to change because his mother said that he could do whatever he wanted in the house as long as he didn't get his nice clothes dirty. Roach turned to Fool and cocked an eyebrow. He didn't say anything bad but then he noticed Fool reading his chest. He pulled his shirt up and said he'd be a minute. He wanted to come half to get out of the house and half because he was curious to see where Fool lived. Alice was curious too but then again she was curious about everything. He went upstairs to change his shirt and pants, he had to look presentable. Clean and presentable all the time, especially when he was going out. He found that if he was clean and presentable he'd be stared at a bit less and that made him less uncomfortable. Alice went upstairs too leaving Fool in the kitchen who was drinking lots of water to get the taste of overly sweet lemonade out of his mouth. Alice had only been in the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and Roach's room parts of Roach's house. She wanted to know what the other rooms were for. She began to open doors and had found only super cramped closets and a bedroom that looked like a tornado had hit it. She opened the next door and saw Roach. He was naked and didn't notice her since she closed that door so quickly. He was naked and facing the door and had his head down though. She had seen him naked before true, but not from the front. Wait why did he-? She'd have to ask later, now he was busy. She went downstairs and Donna told her not to snoop.

"Yeah, it's bad enough that David goes through everything but not you too. It's annoying and kinda rude too ya know." Said Dottie who was eating a Popsicle. Alice apologized and said that he liked to be called Roach. Dottie cocked her head to the side and got a look then ran up the stairs as Roach was coming down, nearly knocking into him. Roach came downstairs fully dressed in a button down shirt and jeans. They went to the wood paneled station wagon and got in. Roach began to point to the van painted in sixties style paints. It was the second Cullen Family vehicle and was only used when the station wagon could hold all the people. Donna told Roach and he hoped in on the left of Alice, Fool to the right. Maybe now would be a good time to ask but just as Alice was opening her mouth to ask why she and Roach looked so different Donna began to blare 'You Give Love a Bad Name' and sang along Roach too and Fool covered his ears. He wasn't as used to Roach as she and Donna to a lesser extent were. Alice sat back and looked from Fool to Roach and then down. Was getting to funny fluttery feeling again, now for the both of them. She decided to think about why. Well, Fool didn't look that much like a man but he still looked kinda cute but not cute like her dolls. She couldn't really describe the kind of cute Fool was with any other word than nice. Fool was very brave, he went into the house and got out. He fought back against Prince and spoke evil about Mommy and Daddy. She looked over at Roach. She had known him for much longer, almost her whole life, and she knew him better than anyone else. He knew her better than anyone else too and would do anything for her, he said so himself. He was smart, he escaped from the cellar and set traps for Daddy and Prince. He also could shoot an apple off of her head without hitting her. He looked like a man, tall and proud and his chest was a bit more muscled since he escaped, Roach said it had something to do with how much food he was eating. His voice was much deeper than Fool's if he talked in words he could say of half say at least and he was fun to be with but then again so was Fool. She put her hands on her lap, all this thinking was going to drive her crazy. She shouldn't be thinking so much anyway, Debbie said that thinking too much gives you wrinkles and then you look old. Alice didn't understand what was so wrong with looking old, she liked the old people. They were nice and ate soft foods that were easy to chew and talked about the way things used to be before Alice was born. Fool pointed out his house, it was huge. Fool called it an apartment.

"Roach, what's an apartment?" asked Alice quietly as Donna locked up the car and gave some people a long look.

"A hows wer yoo unee live ih par ov ih. (A house where you only live in part of it)"

"Why would anybody only want to live in part of a house?" asked Alice as Roach shrugged his shoulder. Maybe this was one of the buildings Mommy and Daddy talked about. Roach began to look around, he had been down State Street before but never here. He always got excited when he went to a new place. Alice on the other hand clung to him, new places made her nervous as anything. Fool said that they could come up if they wanted to and Roach nodded enthusiastically as he motioned for Alice to come up too. Alice walked up the stairs and into a building with Fool and Roach. Donna waited by the car and told them not to be long or to wonder off. Alice freaked out a bit in the elevator but Roach jumped and made it shake. He stopped when he noticed Alice and Fool quickly explained it to her. It was fascinating that this tiny room could go up and down with all of them in it. Alice wanted to ask why it couldn't go side to side but they got there. She put it on her list of things to ask later. She didn't just ask Roach anymore, she asked her mother and sister. She was still just a bit afraid of her father, he reminded her of Daddy. They past by some doors that all looked the same, some of them had things on the doors and some of them had mats that said welcome. Roach laughed a bit at the mat that said no fat chicks. Alice didn't understand what was so funny, she new that chicks were what boys called girls but didn't get why people wouldn't want fat girls. Maybe it was tiny in an apartment.

"You guys can make yourselves at home, but take your shoes off before you step on the rug, OK?" Alice nodded and Roach made an Ok sign with his hands. Fool knocked at the door and a little girl smaller than Dottie answered.

"Fool, where were you? Ruby been freakin' out bad, she really mad at ya too. Who's the skinny girl and the tall guy?"

"That's Alice and Roach and whaddaya mean freaking out, Tanya?" but before Tanya could answer Ruby ran in and she looked like she was gonna hurt Fool for a second

"You lucky Mama just woke up or you'd be getting it from her! Where the hell were you?! I was gonna call the cops?! I told you not to got far from home!" it was then that she noticed Roach and Alice

"I was with them Ruby, god!" said Fool loudly as he sat on the ripped couch

"Hey, ain't you from that house." Roach nodded and Alice said uh huh.

"I'm Alice and that's Roach." Said Alice motioning to Roach who was looking at Ruby up and down. Ruby left to got to the kitchen and Roach sat by Fool on the couch. Alice began to look around. They things in Fools house weren't as nice in the things in her house of even Roach's but their seemed to be more people living here than at her house. She looked at some pictures and was fascinated. There weren't many but a lot of them seemed to be of Fool and that girl as well as some other children and a woman and a man. Fool turned on the TV and it was another news report. Apparently a woman named Eloise was attempting to get a blood test done to show that she was the grandmother of one of the people under the stairs. Roach flipped the channel and 'Mama's Family' came on. Alice went over to the couch to watch. She loved this show, the people were all so funny. Roach and Alice loved almost all TV really. They didn't care that they were watching re-runs, it was all new to them. Well her mostly, Roach had seen most of 'Leave it to Beaver' and sometimes gave away the ending. Fool's sister came back and Roach wrote her a note.

"_I'm older than I look, you younger?" _Ruby cocked an eyebrow and Fool read the note and gave Roach a look.

"I'm seventeen, you?"

"_15 but I'll be sixteen in July."_

"And I'll be eighteen in May."

"_I like older women."_

"I'm a little too old for you." Said Ruby trying to let him down gently. According to what she had seen on TV this kid had it hard. Fool was giving Roach a look that said quite clearly 'stop flirting with my sister'

"_Did God kick you out of heaven for being too damh sexy?"_

"Roach." Said Fool in a cut-it-out tone

"_You free Saturday?"_

"Listen Roach was it, if we did go out I'd be breakin' a few laws."

"Oh yeah." Said Roach remembering the age of consent law he read about. He shrugged and turned to the TV. Fool was happy that Roach stopped, it was kinda uncomfortable for him seeing guys flirt with his sister. Actually, he never pegged Roach as the flirting type but then again he didn't really know the guy that well. Alice crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously, why could Roach ever look at her like that? What was it about girls like that that made people stop and look. Roach noticed and asked what was wrong but before Alice could finish her answer Donna started honking on the horn. They bid their goodbyes to Fool and went to the car. Donna looked kinda mad.

"How the hell does that classify as quick?" said Donna as she began to drive home muttering something about missing her show. She dropped Alice off and drove home. Roach was still wondering what was bothering Alice. She looked a bit mad or maybe even jealous. Roach shook his head. Alice didn't get jealous, she was probably mad about something, You couldn't ever really be sure with girls, they were more complicated then Spaceinvaders and Pong put together

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David seemed down, Dot could tell. She spent a long time thinking about how to make him happier and the answer came to her when she was eating a popsicle. He brothers friends had come over. Well, Alice was always over but a new person named Fool was over. So this was Fool? David talked about him a lot, someone named Headbanger too. Maybe everyone her brother new had a strange or old fashioned name. She took a look at them and went back to her ponderings. She had been pondering getting him something but what? When they called him Roach she knew exactly what to do. First she was gonna need a cage or box. Roach, maybe he was called Roach because he liked Roaches? She was called Dot because it was short for Dorothea and also because she was so small, like a dot. She ran to her room and looked around, no Trysta. She creeped ever so slowly for the bowl that held Trysta's pet frog. She didn't need the frog, just the bowl. She was gonna pick him up and leave him in the tub but suddenly there was a sharp pain in her head.

"Touch the frog and you die!" said Trysta who had thrown a superball at Dottie's head

"I don't need your stupid frog Try-stal!" said Dot over pronouncing her sister's name

"Then leave him alone! And he has a name Dorothy Louise Francesca Bianca Lonna whatever! "

"It's Dorothea Louisa Francesca Bianca Lonna Robesca, Typo!"

"Weirdo!"

"Boy liker!"

"Freak of nature!"

"Bed wetter!"

"That was just once you toad!"

"Just give me the bowl! And I'm the freak of nature?! I saw the way you looked at David! I may not know much but I know that that's illegal in this state!"

"I-I have no idea what your talking about Speck! Now get out of my room!"

"It's our room!"

"Mom! Dot's being annoying!"

"Alright, alright! I'm leaving your highness!" said Dot curtsying as she left. Trysta could be a real jerk sometimes but not as much as Morgan. Dot though it must have been one of those twin things. She kicked the wall in frustration, she really wanted to do something nice for David. She sulked into the living room and sat down in front of the TV and began to flip channels. Daytime TV was so boring, just talk shows and boring sitcoms that adults seemed to like. Adults sure were strange, teenagers too. While watching TV she got a great idea, the best idea she had ever had since putting the balloons on the chair to float up into space. She quickly ran to the kitchen and emptied a jar of jam into the sink.

'**Well, it was practically empty' **thought Dottie as she used a key to poke air holes in the top of the jar. She smiled at her creation and then went out into the vermin infested garage. She thought herself a genius as she collected what she came for.

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Donna unlocked the door and ushered Roach inside who had become distracted looking at the clouds. She had to do this regrettably, he probably hadn't really seen clouds or the sky in years but he still needed aloe for his sunburns and various pills. She just hoped that she didn't have to give them to him, she couldn't remember how many of each kind and he didn't really pay attention to what he was taking. He let himself be lead in but didn't let her lock the door, he really hated locked doors and windows. She sighed in frustration, why could he just let her do what she had to do? It wasn't like it would never be able to be unlocked again. She thought he might get that by now, he'd been out for about three weeks. Roach took his notebook he had hid in the chimney which never got used and sat under the kitchen table as Donna went to her cellar. He liked to be under the table, the space was small. Small meant safety. He began to write about his day in chronological order starting from him waking up to what his mother was making for dinner. He also wrote about Fool's sister who in his opinion was damh sexy. Well, most women who weren't related to him or Alice or old were in his opinion dahm sexy. He chuckled a bit, he reminded himself of Messenger, repeating everything over and over again. Messenger. He missed that guy. He was one of the few people under the stairs who didn't hate his guts. He was a nice if not strange and infantile guy who believed his mother who had been dead for a little over twenty years was coming back. Roach didn't dare try and tell him she was dead again, the first time had ended in pain for the both of them and a new rule amongst the slaves, don't mention Messenger's mother. The last thing that they needed was a fight. All fights even small ones were deadly. They were deadly for two reasons, one: people could kill each other or die from untreatable wounds and two, it might set off one of Daddy's headaches and even though he didn't dare come into their part of the cellar that didn't stop him from shooting into the cage. Roach shuddered, he shouldn't remember that. That time was over. His time as Cockroach was over and his time as David resumed. He didn't notice the blue tablecloth being lifted up by a tiny hand but he did notice a tap on his shoulder.

"Roach, whacha doin'?" said Dot with something behind her back

"Nuhih. (Nothin')"

"You tryin' to say nothin'?" Roach nodded but then he remembered

'_Did you just call me Roach?' _Dottie nodded

'_How did you know to call me Roach?' _Why would his new sister call him that? No one but Fool or Alice ever called him that, Messenger and Headbanger called him Cockroach and everyone else just called him Slave-boy. Anything was better than Slave-boy.

"I heard them call you that. Anyway, since they called you Roach instead of David I guess you like Roaches so I collected these for you. See, I thought 'Roach' 'Cockroaches'" said Dottie as she presented him with a jar half full of Cockroaches. He accepted and smiled. This was interesting, he never had pets before. Roach then decided that Dot was his funniest and favorite sister. He never thought to make that connection, he was called Roach because to them he was as low as the bug that had his namesake. He smiled and thanked her before putting them in his room on his bookshelf. He turned around and hit his head on a module plane hanging from a string. He cursed under his breath as he left his room and decided to find his mother, he kinda missed her but he didn't know why. Maybe it was because she was his mother. He began to look around for her and found her in her bedroom folding laundry.

"Hey Davey. Are you hungry? I made dinner and it's in the oven, it'll be ready by six, worst case scenario seven." Said Amanda Cullen as she began to roll Morgan's socks. She was muttering about how one little boy could possibly wear through so many socks when Roach decided to help her. He imitated what she was doing but he didn't exactly get the right socks in pairs. Amanda didn't mind, on the contrary, she was happy just being near her son. She gently put her hand on his bony, asparagus arm. He tensed just a bit before relaxing and putting his hand on her hand. She was overjoyed and pulled him in for a hug. He gasped as his eyes widened. every muscle in his body tensed and she let go and apologized. He made an OK sign with his fingers and returned to his task, smiling ever so often at his mother who ever so often smiled at him. Maybe she really did care.

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Eloise hated bureaucracy. She really did. It was one of the few things she hated about the outside world How hard was it really to discharge a blood realtive mental patient? Apparently very. She sighed loudly as she waited in aother long line, she had been there for several hours and couldn't take it anymore.

"Next! Next! Ma'am!" said the woman from behind the counter. It was finally her turn.

"I stood in all the lines and filled out all the forms so release him to me before I lose it!"

"No need to be hostile ma'am and it's not that simple. We have to prove that you're a blood relative then you need a mental health analysis as well as a social worker come to your home as well as a social worker deem you fit to care for this patient if he is a minor, his age still hasn't been determined. But now you have been approved for the blood test and if you are found to be his blood relative steps can be taken to put him in your custody." said the woman as she handed her another form and motioned for the next person. That was it. After all those lines and forms all she was approved for was a blood test. She went to her car, rolled up the windows, and screamed. After she was done she drove off ignoring the looks of people who had stopped to stare at the screaming woman in the Volkswagon Beetle. She decided to call her foster mother on her carphone and tell her the bad news. After she escaped at the age of thirteen no one believed her about Eldon, Elmira, and the people under the stairs. She was put into a mental hospital but after a year or so she was adopted by a woman named Carolina Richards who wanted to do some good in this world and only had sons. At first she was timid, scared, and at times bizarre but she eventaully became more or less normal. She even went to law school and became semi successful. She wasn't a millionaire with homes in everystate but she wasn't exactly living out of a cardboard box either. Both her and her mpther had thought that this process would be easy, the state probably saw him as a burden they wanted to get rid of.

"M-Mother?" asked Eloise quietly

"What's wrong, they didn't give ou him did they?" Carolina loved her daughter dearly but wasn't quite sure about this grandson of hers, her daughter wasn't even fifty, not even old enough to be a grandmother

"They-They say I need a bloodtest and a social worker needs to come to the house and-andoh mom! He'll be old by the time we're done!" Well older. She had no idea how old he was but she had a pretty good idea. He was probably in his twenties, no one ever lived past their twenties under the stairs

"So do it, you know I'd do the same for you." and with that Carolina hung the phone up. She loved Eloise true but that girl gave up to easy. Getting Eloise hadn't exactly been easy but she hung in there and eventually got her and she expected her daughter to do the same for her grandson. Eloise wasn't afraid to stick it out but she was a bit afraid to have to look out for another life. Another probably very insane life. She could barely remeber her time under the stairs, it had been short and she burried whatever memories she had of that place deep in the darkest pits of her mind but it came flooding back the moment she saw that news report. First the memories, then the panick, then the guilt. He was so young that David boy. So was that Alice girl. If only she had tried harder instead of focusing on her own life she could have saved them and any others that may have come after her. She parked on the side of the road and cried for herself and those people. First she cried then she gripped the steering wheel so hard her nails broke. May Eldon And Elmira burn in hell.

Forever and ever in the deepest, darkest pits of hell.  
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How you guys like it so far? Please Review!


	13. Nightmares,pretenders& the facts of life

Disclaimer: I own this!*Sees lawyers ready to sue* I mean I don't own this.*Lawyers leave to sue someone else*

Ronald Richard O'Dell didn't really know how to feel. On the one hand he had his daughter back but on the other hand he wasn't even sure if she wanted to be back. He had long ago accepted that his daughter was probably dead and moved on but not before over indulging his remaining daughter Debbie. That didn't end so well for her and he knew his was buying Alice's love but he really didn't know any other way to show her he cared. She didn't let him touch her and for some odd reason whenever he entered a room with her she'd stop what she was doing and stand up. It was usually at this time there would be an awkwardly silent moment, that was how he learned that his daughter didn't speak without being spoken too, and he'd either leave the room or give her a task. No matter what he asked she complied. He told her to clean the floor she got out a rag and bucket, he told her to sew his socks and they're like new. He even told her to balance his checkbook, she obviously didn't know how but she tried her best. They were overspending on cable; she figured that out. He passed the Cullen & Son's general store and decided to pull in, maybe he'd find another doll for her, she seemed to like them. He walked into the store and began to make his way to the children's toys. His daughter's taste was a bit young but he wasn't about to complain; better a good god fearing, sock sewing, doll playing daughter with a picture of the Virgin Mary on her wall than a wild child. He began to look around, she had all of these. He had to get her something though so she wouldn't feel unloved. Maybe there was something else in the back? He looked around to find an employee and saw David Mathias Cullen Jr. Sr. Wasn't he the father of that tongue-less boy? He walked up to him; he didn't particularly like any of the Cullen's, children or parents. Amanda Cullen worked herself to death but wasn't exactly mother of the year and sometimes her and his wife would get into little fights, David Cullen shouldn't even have children in his opinion with one ending up on a milk carton for ten years and the rest just wild or at times bizarre, the children ran the gambit from strange to disturbing to wild to just plain not good. He wasn't exactly thrilled that his daughter spent all her time over there and was apparently good friends with their oldest son who anyone with eyes could see wasn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. He tapped David SR. on the shoulder and David Sr. gave a very rude 'what!' but saw who it was and told him to buy something or get out. They had a mutual dislike.

"Have you got anything else in the back maybe?" said Ronald trying to be civil to the younger man. David Cullen didn't really look it but he could injure him if provoked. That whole family pretty much got violent but not dangerously so at the drop of hat. That was his biggest worry for his daughter, he had seen that Cullen boy and he looked like he could do some real damage.

"What ya' see is what we got so either buy something or get the hell out!" David Sr. really didn't like Ronald that much. It all started when he started middle school Ronald tried to beat him up so he and his brothers ganged up on him and boasted about their win and he said that three against one wasn't fair and that was how it started. Or it might have started when David Sr. was six and Ronald was nine and he kicked him in the groin. They really didn't know how their mutual dislike started to be honest.

"Allie wouldn't want this cheap crap anyway." Said Ronald not quiet sure what his daughter would want

"Sorry that we don't have solid gold toys like your used too! Just get the kid a gumball or somethin' then get out!" said David Sr. who had attracted the attention of his father David Sr. Sr. He had given his son a shift manger job out of pity when he was twenty just to get his grandkids out of the god forsaken twenty four hour bowling alley but that didn't mean that he was gonna sit idle buy and watch a sale walk right out that door.

"She doesn't like gum. Have you got anything descent at all in this dump?!"

"Why yes we do." Said David Sr. Sr. who had had enough. He was getting close to firing his son but the man had four, no wait five kids to support. He handed Ronald O'Dell an Easy Bake oven. Ronald thanked him and paid wondering if Alice would like it. She seemed to like girly things and what was more girly than baking cookies. He decided to give it to her after dinner and wondered what his wife would be making. He hoped it was at lest soup; he was getting tired of finger food. He had a Mary-Ann had learned the hard way what happened when their daughter dropped a fork. It was almost funny in a morbid way the way she scrambled around looking for it. Poor kid, afraid of nothing. He pulled into the driveway and saw his daughter up in her room at her sewing machine. He wondered what she'd be making next; she had made tea cozies and coasters the day before and the day before that she made a needle point that said 'Home Sweet Home'. He didn't like to think this way because he knew favoring one child over the other was wrong but Alice was by far his favorite of all his off spring. Alice noticed him pulling in and ran from her window to the door ready to take his shoes and put them in the closet and give him the paper and a cup of coffee like she had to do with Daddy. She was being a very good girl and that was why her parents didn't hurt her in her mind. She went through her shoe taking paper getting ritual and then set the table for everyone perfectly. Her parents were beginning to suspect that she had obsessive compulsive disorder. She then stood behind her chair like a good girl as Debbie came down and demanded her food. Mary-Ann put some sort of jell-o dish shaped like the state of New Jersey infront of them and they started eating.

Alice had become accustomed to dinner at her house. She was accustomed to Debbie's loud talking about things she didn't understand, her mother's begging of her to eat more and worry that she didn't like the food, and her fathers general silence and occasional observation of her. She wasn't that sure if her father liked her or not. On one hand he didn't hit her or yell at her or even tell her no and he bought her lots of stuff. Stuff she didn't even ask for. On the other hand he almost never said anything to her and just watched her like she watched TV. It was better than the way Daddy watched her. Daddy watched her the way Roach watched pretty girls in short clothes and it kinda made her uncomfortable. Alice looked at the food in question, it was green and jiggling with broccoli in it. Her mother had called it jell-o surprise. Alice wondered what the surprise was, maybe the broccoli. Debbie complained loudly but Alice poked it with her spoon, she didn't like forks. Actually she didn't like silverware in general because of how Mommy would stab her with it if she ever lost any but she liked spoons better than any other silverware because getting stabbed in the hand with a spoon hurt a lot less than getting jabbed in the hand with a fork or knife. She took a tentative bite and gagged. It was awful! It was worst than anything that she had ever tasted. It was slimy and bitter and had tiny chunks of vegetable in it. She quickly hid her disgust, she had to be grateful for the meal, either she ate it or there would be no meals for a whole day. Maybe her parents wouldn't be like that. Debbie seemed to be able to complain but then again Debbie was much older than she was. She decided to choke it down and not risk making anyone mad. She ate quickly but didn't worry about choking because it seemed to just slide down her throat.

"Debbie will you please pick up your spoon and eat. C'mon, Allie's lappin' you." Said Mary-Ann as she noticed her daughter's fast eating. She thought that her daughter must really like jell-o but only wished that she had more. She had been scrambling around to find healthy, nutritious meals that didn't require a fork. She had to help her daughter out of a freak out after Alice had dropped her fork and scrambled around to find it, giving herself a nasty bump on the head and a panic attack. Alice looked at her mother questioningly. Why were people calling her Allie? Her parents and sister, Roach's mother, and even Roach himself but she said it was Ok for him to do that. She'd have to ask how people got their nicknames later next time she saw Roach. He'd probably know, he knew a lot about most things.

"She's probably eating so fast because this is so gag-me-with-a-spoon gross!" said Debbie loudly. Alice smiled a bit, gag-me-with-a-spoon was a funny expression that her sister seemed to like to say. Alice even said it to sometimes, she was beginning to like these expression things that were used on the outside. Gag-me-with-a-spoon was becoming one of her favorites as well as totally and so. Roach had told her that those were girl expressions, when Roach wanted to say things like 'that's so gross' he say 'that's fuckin' gross'. Alice always told Roach not to say those things because it was speaking evil but Roach always brought up the fact that she was the only one who could understand him. Roach. Alice wondered what he was doing now. He was probably eating too or watching TV or taking a shower; he had to shower four times a day because of the brown bumps on his skin that itched him to no end.

"Debora, I will not have my meal insulted like this! Clean your plate, there's absolutely nothing wrong with this." Said Mary-Ann. Alice was startled and then confused. Whenever she'd complain to Mommy about the food she either go hungry for the day or have to eat it off the floor with her hands. She gave her mother a questioning look but then returned to her meal. She finished and took everyone's finished plates and washed them to be helpful and good. She turned on only the hot water and didn't notice that it was getting dangerously close to scalding; she had learned to ignore the pain long ago. Her mother rushed up and turned the water off before Alice could get hurt and sent her daughter upstairs. Alice didn't know what she had done wrong but complied. When she got there she noticed what looked like the oven in the kitchen only smaller and a set of directions. Her father got her another present. Alice knew it was an Easybake oven because she had seen it on TV. She decided to try it out and began to read the directions. After her cookie was done she had discovered a new love of baking and something else to fill her time. She wondered if Roach liked sugar cookies. She'd have to ask him tomorrow when she saw him again. Roach, she missed him. She had just seen hi but she missed him. Did he miss her? Probably. They were best friends after all and that's what best friends did, they missed each other. She sighed as she arranged the various packets of easy bake powder on her shelf by what they were. She had that feeling again and this time it was getting worse. She wanted him to kiss her again but she didn't know why. It felt good true but so did eating whipped cream straight from the container but she didn't feel like doing that right then. She wished that Fool would kiss her again too. His kiss had been wetter than Roach's and not as long but it still felt really, really good. Actually, both of their kisses were more amazing than anything she had ever felt. She let out a low moan as she remembered Roach. She remembered how he looked after a chase with Daddy; sweaty, his chest heaving, his face flushed red and his muscles tense. She laid on her bed, her chest heaving. She didn't want to stop remembering him, the way he looked. The way he looked completely and totally naked. From the side, the front. Her hand was unconsciously creeping up to her chest. It was at this time that Debbie O'Dell had entered her sister's room unannounced. She was told to go to and ask her if she wanted any of the popcorn their mother was making. In all honesty Debbie didn't know if her sister even knew what popcorn was. She didn't seem to know much about anything that wasn't traditionally a women's domestic job. When she opened the door she expected to see her sister sewing or playing with her dolls or maybe even watching TV, she watched an unhealthy amount of TV even for a kid, but instead she found her laying on her bed in a rather embarrassing predicament. She looked at Alice and Alice just sat upright an blushed. She had gotten so caught up in her fantasy that she had forgotten what she was doing and really didn't understand what she was doing when she got out of it. She had never felt that good while thinking of Roach or anyone for that matter. It was the fluttery feeling a hundred fold. Life had become so confusing since she escaped.

"Um...sorry. Well mom's making popcorn and she wanted to know if you wanted some. Jeez, sorry about the whole walking in on having you time thing. Just out of curiosity though, who were you thinking of?" asked Debbie as Alice's blush subsided  
"Yes please. And I w-won't tell you." Alice had a feeling that this was private. She really didn't want anyone else to know, it made her uncomfortable for some reason.

"And If you tell me I won't tell anyone else. That little sister is a promise."

"Um I-I st-st-still don't wanna-"  
"Alright then. You want butter on that popcorn?"

"Uh-huh. Yes please."  
"OK then. Oh by the way, does David know that you think of him when your all alone?" said Debbie in a sly voice  
"No he doesn't and he likes to be called Roach." said Alice before she could catch herself  
"Ha! I knew you liked him! Don't worry, I won't tell anyone as long as you don't tell anyone I can sew." Said Debbie. She and her sister had sewn together a few days prior to bond a bit and sewing didn't exactly do well for her social status. Alice might let it slip around Donna when she was at the Cullen house and Donna and her shared a mutual dislike so Donna would jump at the chance to take her down a peg. It all started when they were little. It was Debbie's fourth birthday and Donna smashed her head in the cake. They had been going at it for about thirteen years give or take a few months. It was a wonder how their younger siblings got along so well. Alice hid her head in her pillow from embarrassment. She didn't know exactly why she was embarrassed for thinking about Roach like that but she still was. She decided that that was one of life's little mysteries. The rest of the night progressed as normal. she'd stay in her room, get dressed in night clothes at seven, in bed by nine and up around seven or seven thirty. By the next morning she had practically forgotten what transpired the previous night. She couldn't look Roach in the eye the next day but he didn't notice. He had pressing matters to attend to.  
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That night at the Cullen house had progressed as normal as things in that house could be. Roach ate the tuna surprise like it was going to be taken away at any moment, Donna ate without complaint, Trysta stared at Roach making him just a bit uncomfortable and occasionally complained. She was never really one for senseless whining. Dottie did her fare share of the whining and bargaining to get out of eating it and Morgan was being even jerkier than normal. It wasn't his fault though, he was just a jealous slightly over indulged guy. He had been since he was born because he was that last Cullen boy and his parents got a bit strange after Roach disappeared. The after dinner was normal but Morgan had his ban on TV take away after delivering a forced apology to Roach which he accepted. The TV was watched, music was played, and their father retired to his garage to build his models which he said were artsy and relaxing. At eleven all the younger Cullen's went to sleep, Roach and Donna being to old for bedtimes but Roach was always in bed by ten anyway. He got very tired during the day with all his excursions and the fact that most of his various medicines caused drowsiness. The late night was something a bit out of the ordinary though. Roach had his usual nightmare but this one was worse. It wasn't just a dream, it was a memory. It was in his top ten worst. It was his failed escape at fourteen. He tried to scream out the open window for someones help. Any one's help but Mommy stopped him. He told her to go to hell without thinking and the next thing he knew she was coming at him with a kitchen knife. Daddy stopped her and grabbed him, he fought like the devil but his thin teenage frame was no match for a fully grown man and he was tied to a bolt in the chimney for three days. Daddy whipped him with belts, burned him with cigars and carved 'Speak No Evil' onto his chest. 'Bad Boys Burn in Hell' had been on his back already since childhood. On the third day Daddy did what he felt he needed to do. He cut out Roach's bad part, his tongue. It was an unbearable amount of pain but before Daddy could cut it out he spoke his famous last words; 'You aren't my father!' that earned him a kick in the ribs and a place in the cellar where he stayed for three weeks give or take before escaping into the walls. It was also the first time he had been responsible for a lost life. Roach bolted up from his sleep. It had felt so real but it couldn't have been happening again. Never again. He looked down and saw blood, he had scratched at himself again. He was also very wet and hoped that it was sweat. Roach hated to admit the fact that he wet the bed so he always changed his sheets and put the wet ones in with the dirty laundry so no one would ever know. Hell, not even Alice knew. It was one of his few secrets. His door opened and he sat up quickly expecting his mother with a glass of milk and a Fig Newton but instead saw his father with an oatmeal cookie, a glass of water, and a tiny cup full of medicine.

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David Mathias Cullen Sr. hadn't gotten a good nights sleep in days. No one in his family had except for Donna but she was behind three feet of reinforced steel and two floors down. He wasn't mad at his son, just a bit annoyed. When his son slept he either slept peacefully and woke up between five and seven in the morning and did god knows what or he had a nightmare then slept to about eight or nine from exhaustion. Neither was really all that desirable but he took finding his son eating a bowl of cornflakes under the kitchen table to hearing his off pitched moans and screams.

"D-Don't worry baby, mama's comin'!" muttered an exhausted Amanda as she struggled to get out of bed. It was a bit like having a new baby in the house with the whole waking up in the middle of the night to crying.

"I'll take this one honey." said David Sr. getting up. Amanda needed her sleep. Morgan began to pound on the walls and screamed something about it being one in the morning. Sometimes that boy could be the definition of annoying.  
"N-n-no Dave, he n-needs his mother right now."

"Well, maybe he needs a father too." said David Sr. tieing his robe. Roach's cries began to subside but they didn't stop.  
"Honey-"

"Dammit Amanda he's my son too!" and with that he went to the medicine cabinet. He had a sneaking suspicion that this wasn't a good idea, it might not interact well with his other medicines but at this point he threw caution to the wind as Roach's cries grew louder and he swore he could hear a no or two in there. He went quickly down to the kitchen and got him and oatmeal bookie and a glass of water. They were out of Fig Newtons and Morgan had mixed an entire packet of powder chocolate in with the milk. He was really reaching the end of his rope with that boy. He made his way to his son's room and opened the door. the sight before him reminded him of when David Jr. was five. There he sat, wide eyed terrified with a lake in the middle of the bed. He'd have to do a load of sheets in the morning but for now he decided not to draw attention to it He nearly dropped the plate as he noticed the blood on his son's arms. Amanda told him that he scratched at himself in his sleep but he had a hard time believing that. Up until that moment he had not asked his son, he waited for his son to tell but it didn't look like that was gonna happen anytime soon. Besides, he was curious to know what could make an almost man tear at his own skin but was slightly afraid of the answer. He set the plate down on his nightstand grimacing at the jar of cockroaches. He didn't want to ask about that but knew his wife would definitely freak out when she saw that. She was terrified of bugs; it was her main reason of staying out of the garage slash his model room. He sat down far away from the wet spot but still by his son.

"Son, what was that all about and don't you dare tell me it was nothin'! Your bleedin' ain't nothin'! It's somethin'!" Roach looked actually terrified of his father for a second. For a second when he looked at his father he saw Daddy. His heart actually stopped for that second as well as his breathing. His father noticed and instantly softened and recoiled with guilt, his son was afraid of him. His own flesh and blood was afraid of him. He should have waited for him to tell him and not asked. He was such and idiot sometimes. He noticed his son move slowly to the edge of the bed and David Sr. feared he'd try and bolt. his son sometimes did that, run and hide somewhere small and compact when something scared him. He was relived when he got his tiny blue notebook off the nightstand as well as his pencil.  
_'I had a bad dream. Please don't be mad. I'll be a good boy and not sleep for now on.' _Wrote Roach. His father was mad. He was mad because Roach woke him. Roach the decided that he just wouldn't ever sleep to make everyone else's sleep easier. David Sr. was startled and a bit disturbed by his son's note. He thought he was mad. Maybe a bit annoyed and tired but not mad.

"I'm not mad or anything like that son but you need to sleep. You'll die without sleep and I don't want to lose you again. Now please tell me what's got you so worked up." Roach didn't really want to tell his father but he had no choice. He reluctantly got out his pencil and told him everything from start to finish. He didn't call Daddy Daddy though, he learned his first name finally, Eldon. David Sr. was positively horrified by all of this and put an arm around his son's back noticing his muscles tense. He decided to give him a bit of fatherly advice before the NyQuil.  
"Listen and listen good, you can't run and hide from your problems. You just can't. You'll either get caught or spend the rest of your life lookin' over your shoulder. Donna was born still even though I tried to run not that she was a problem but as you know I was just a couple years older than you when she was born. The point I'm trying to make is this, confront your problems head on and you'll do yourself a world of good." and with that David Sr. gave his son a cap full of NyQuil, changed the sheets, and left Roach to his thoughts. Roach then decided that he'd have to confront Daddy head on and beat him for a change. So that's what real fathers were for, giving good advice. Sleep came so suddenly he didn't notice and he slept until nine but it didn't matter to him, he'd need his energy for bulking up and he'd need to bulk up to beat Daddy. He had tried once before but Daddy had been bigger and bulkier but Roach new from experience that being locked up didn't do wonders for your health. He had the upper hand once again.  
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Roach woke up groggy. He hadn't even realized he had gone to sleep but he did feel refreshed. He looked at the clock, it was nine in the morning. He hoped that he got enough at breakfast. He usually ate before breakfast and between meals. His parents usually fed him enough but they could stop at any time in his mind. They didn't seem like they would though, they seemed to generally care about him but Roach hadn't had the best of experiences when it came to parents. He picked at his arms, the scratches stung a bit but at least he didn't bite what was left of his tongue. He had done that before in his sleep and woken up with a mouth full of blood. That hadn't been very pleasant. He got out of bed and made it. He knew his mother would but he didn't want to make her life any harder, she worked too hard for a woman in his opinion. He went to the bathroom to get ready and shower. He showered once in the morning, twice during the day, and once at night. He had to kill the thing living in his skin. His doctor said it was a minor infection that you didn't usually see outside of the third world. Roach stood under the freezing water and went over himself with soap quickly, the water felt like icicles piercing his skin down to his thin stick figure bones. He got out and looked at himself in the full length mirror. He looked healthy; something he hadn't been in a very long time. His frame was filling out but you could still see bone, his skin had less brown spots running along it but his back and front was still a mess of scars and half faded bruises. He wondered why the bruise on his inner thigh he got in childhood when he fell on a Mustang key hadn't faded. He was tall though, like his father and his hair had grown about half an inch longer since he escaped. He'd have to ask Alice to cut it soon, she was the one who cut his hair while he was still in the walls.  
"Other people need to shower too ya know!" said Donna as she banged on the door. She had been waiting for the bathroom for half an hour and wasn't going to wait anymore. She was grateful that she always still had hot water though and wasn't going to complain too much. Roach stopped looking at himself and quickly got dressed in a button down shirt and jean shorts, it was hot that day and he only wore them because he had too. If he could have it his way he'd dress like those covered people he saw on TV. No one stared at their scars if they even had any. Donna was pounding harder no and Roach left the bathroom but not before giving an over pronounced shudder at his sister's morning appearance.  
"Well, how do you think you look in the mornings?!" said Donna as Roach threw her a piece of paper that said 'Better than you.' Roach and Donna were picking up ruffly where they left off, as brother and sister and that's what brothers and sisters did, they fought. It was just slight teasing, nothing big or painful. He went down to breakfast and ate everything faster than normal, he was really hungry and he really needed the energy. His parents noticed and his mother put some more fruit on his plate while his father handed him a ham steak.

"Don't clog his arteries with that junk David. He needs to be healthy." Said Amanda who was cutting his apple for him

"He likes it and if he keeps eatin' the stuff you make 'im eat one day a soft breeze 'll just come and take him away." Said David Sr. as he put too much butter on a piece of toast and put it on Roach's plate. Roach cocked an eyebrow at that, he didn't think he was that skinny. Now Messenger, he was that skinny but not him. He ate his meal well past the point of being full and thanked his mother and left the table. He intended to do pull ups in the tree in their backyard but then there was a knock at the door. Roach looked through the door window and saw that it was Alice and her mother. Roach opened the door and motioned for them to come inside. He loved opening the door just to know that it could be opened. Alice's mother handed Amanda the money and Roach quickly told Alice if his plan. Both Mary-Ann and Amanda were amazed that Alice could understand him, it was all just gibberish to them. Alice was skeptical and a afraid for Roach. Daddy was a man and Roach was just a boy. Well, not exactly a boy but not exactly a man either and Roach was very skinny, skinnier than her but he was also strong. He could lift her if he wanted to. Alice made him promise to be careful, she couldn't stop him if she tried. She had tried many times to stop him from riling Daddy to hell and back but he didn't listen to her. Besides, Roach would be OK. Roach was always OK. Even after Daddy shot him he was not OK but went back to being OK. Roach wanted to go to the tree but he saw that Dot was doing something out there with tin foil and glitter glue. He'd have to ask her what later but right now he needed a place to do pull ups. He did a quick survey of the room and saw the mantel above the kitchen door. He told Alice to count and he grabbed onto it, bent his knees, and pulled him self and let himself fall back down. No one noticed. Amanda was trying to balance a checkbook, David Sr. was at work, Donna was out, Morgan was glued to the TV, and Dottie was trying to attract UFOs . Trysta however did notice and she watched. Well, she was pretending to read a book on the stairs but she was looking just over the top of the book at her brother and felt a strange sort of jealousy for Alice. Wait, jealousy? Trystal River Cullen was jealous of no one. Trystal River Cullen also thought that romance was for the weak minded but look how quickly that left her. Roach let himself drop to the ground, his shirt was clinging to him too much and it was making it a bit hard to move.

"Why don't you just take your shirt off?" asked Alice not quite understanding why she wanted him to only that she really did. If Roach had asked Trysta if she minded she would have said no but he didn't notice her. No one ever did. Roach pulled his shirt up over his head and continued. He made a mental note to ask Alice why she was averting her eyes and blushing. Girls were weird sometimes he decided. They were mysteries completely and totally. Trysta looked at him for a long time before blushing and going up to her room. Alice remembered what she wanted to ask Roach and decided that then would be a good time to ask.

"Roach, I was wondering..." and then she asked and Roach gave her a long look and just hung limp before letting himself fall. She saw him naked. She saw him NAKED. His mind went blank when she asked again why he looked so different from her. Roach decided to handle it delicately and got out his notebook.

_"That's how you can tell boys from girls. Please never mention that again." _Wrote Roach. Alice nodded content with the answer and Roach continued and Alice counted for a bout two hours until they had to stop for a lunch break. Amanda had made a pot of macaroni and they all dug in. Well mostly the Cullen children, Alice ate slowly like a girl was supposed to in her mind. Roach ate so quickly he almost threw up and had had to be reminded many times to slow down by his mother. Afterwards Roach was too tired to keep pulling himself up and went to his room with Alice. They laid down on his bed and read a book together while one of Roach's records played. It was a 'Beetles' compilation, Alice didn't see why Roach said that they were the greatest band ever that he could remember. It was probably a boy thing or maybe just a Roach thing. They didn't know when they drifted off to sleep but Amanda was in for quite a shock when she found them together. She thought that she handled it quite well, not making a sound or giving them any hint that she had seen them together. She didn't see it as innocent as they did, maybe if they were ten years younger but they were too old to be together. She didn't say a word to them but told Mary-Ann O'Dell who then asked if they were together. Alice didn't quite understand the concept and it would lead to a most undesirable conversation.

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".....and that's what I meant by together." said Mary-Ann to a wide eyed Alice. She had only asked if they were together and that lead to what together meant and that lead to what together meant and what boyfriend meant and what could possibly be wrong with sleeping in the same bed and that lead to 'the talk'. Alice just sat there with a look of disbelief. People actually did THAT. Mary-Ann had been incredibly brief in her mention of it but Alice still looked very disturbed by the fact that that was how she came into the world.

"Roach thinks about THAT?" said Alice in a quiet voice. Mary-Ann nodded and decided to leave her daughter alone for a few moments. Why would think about that? Why would anyone? Why would she? Well looking on the bright-side she now knew why she was thinking of Roach like that but vowed never to think about him like that again. It just didn't seem like a thing a good girl would do. To keep herself from thinking about this any further she began to work on the dress she was making. After all, what else was their to do in her room.

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Eloise hated mental hospitals. After she was adopted out she vowed never to set foot into any institution again as long as she lived. She currently sat across from Messenger who was staring her right in the eyes and curling his short hair with his fingers. He looked down at his hand and laughed a disturbing laugh that made Eloise fall back into her seat and a near by orderly cringe.  
"Not real. You pretend. You not mother. Mother different." Said Messenger as he inspected his hair again. His hand wasn't getting stuck as it usually did because his hair was gone now, hiding somewhere where Messenger couldn't find it. Hiding behind the white, the white of skin. The white of his very soul. This wasn't mother. She didn't look like mother. He couldn't really, truly remember mother. It scared him, that she couldn't be seen in his mind. He had forgotten what she looked like long ago, when her flesh was stripped and her bones placed in the sacred place. She couldn't have been dead though, she was coming back he just knew it. He knew it deep down in his bones.

"What do you mean?" asked Eloise startled. It was the first time he had spoken since he was sat down in front of her.  
"You not mother." said Messenger over pronouncing each word  
"N-No I'm not but I hope you'll think of me as such." said Eloise not quite sure how to handle it. He may not even understand what a grandmother was

"Like Headbanger who is not mother but is called mother 'cause Messenger no have mother. She coming back though, Messenger know! The bugs crawl in the bugs crawl out, in the stomach and out the mouth!" said Messenger as he cackled loudly. Eloise not quite sure of what to do nodded yes and he smiled and held her close. It was then that she had to go and open her big mouth.

"Your mother is dead Messenger. Long dead." said Eloise as Messenger made a strange face and then got very close.

"She is not dead. She shall come back and Messenger shall be waiting." said Messenger who's voice was deadly serious.

"I-I'm sorry but well, they skinned and gutted her right? That's what happens tot he dead if I remember correctly." said Eloise. In for a penny in for a pound as they say. Messenger lunged at her and the orderly broke them up and Messenger hissed at him. He cried as he was lead back to his white block room. He wanted his mother back. He needed her. She couldn't be dead. She just couldn't! But her flesh was gone and her hair woven into rope. She was gone. That night he had a different rhyme. A rhyme his mother had told him when he was young. Come away oh human child to the waters and the wild with a faerie hand in hand, for the world is more full of weeping than you can understand. That night he cried like he had never cried before; loud anguish filled heavy deep sobs. He needed Boss or Bites or any other of his owners. They loved him, that's why they used him like that and no one else. Because they loved him more than anyone else in the world.

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Eloise began to choke back tears, this was retribution. She should have pressed the police harder, tried harder and ow she was paying. She began to reconsider, there must have been another way to make this up. There must have been some way to destroy this guilt that was eating at her very soul. She slowly made her way back to her car wondering why she still had a tongue. She had said awful, terrible things and needed to be punished. She had said those things to her own flesh and blood, the test confirmed it. She bit her tongue, she had never quite gotten over the odd habit of punishing herself. she just sat there and cried while muttering speak no evil

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	14. Miracle Fool Messenger Roach Robeson

Disclaimer: See previous chapter.

Messenger was sad. He was drowning in his sadness. She was gone and never coming back and he now knew that. It was outside time and the white coats were watching him, always watching and scribbling things down. Messenger just wished that they'd leave and let him be alone. He was never truly alone, not even in freedom. He was laying on his back watching the whits bulges move around in the sky and wondered why they didn't just fall or what they even were. This was the first time in his life he had ever been able to clearly see the sky. When he was a child he had climbed up Scruff's, a fellow slave who Daddy had taken and fattened up and ate when Messenger was ten, shoulders and taken a look through the dingy cellar window and had seen nothing. Scruff. He missed his friends. True most of them were dead at this point, no one ever lived that long under the stairs. Most of them came from the house but some were boys and the occasional girl from the outside taken and held prisoner. Daddy sometimes threw a child who had gotten in to them for killing but they didn't kill. Why kill what you can keep for a couple years as a slave? Messenger sighed as he ate a piece of grass much to the white coat's disgust. He got up and began to walk around the perimeter of the fence until he came to Headbanger under her usual tree but this time she was looking at a black and white picture. Messenger was absolutely fascinated by pictures; one moment in time captured for ever on a piece of paper seemed like magic. He sighed loudly as he sat next to her in the shade. She put a hand protectively around her bulging stomach but moved it away when she realized that it was only him.

"Hi Messenger, how are you? You look a bit healthier ya know. Not as skinny but still a very pale but I guess that's to be expected with you never being out in the sun and all that. Wanna see a picture of my baby girl?" Messenger laughed as he saw the picture, it wasn't a baby! Well, he wasn't quite sure what it was in all actuality but he was sure that it wasn't a baby. The white coats had showed him pictures of people; old, young, adults, children, and babies. This was not a baby, it was a-well it was a something.

"This is how it looks when it's in me, see the little hands? Don't worry though, it'll be out in about two months." said Headbanger as Messenger put his head on her belly. This was a miracle. This was a life. He might even be responsible for this life. Headbanger has been the only woman he had ever been with and frankly he didn't know what Cockroach or some of the other people under the stairs saw in women. As far as he was concerned it took them forever to cum and it was too much work for him.

"I'm gonna call her Miracle for what she is, Fool for the man who saved us, and maybe Roach but I'm a bit iffy on that." Messenger was a bit sad that the first woman he was ever with wasn't going to name their or possibly just her child after him. There was really no way to know with Headbanger, she was with everyone. Usually for food or a place to sleep away from the cold not to mention whenever Boss was in the mood for a woman.

"Why not Messenger? What wrong with Messenger? Headbanger no like Messenger?" Said Messenger in a voice he would never address anyone above him in but he and Headbanger were both on the same level so it was alright. Actually, Messenger was slightly above her because he was a man.

"Alright then, Miracle Fool Messenger and possibly Roach." said Headbanger who didn't really think too much about her friend and one time lover. Actually the thought of the enigma know as Messenger hadn't even crossed her mind and now she was regretting it. It was rule number one about being a slave, look after the other slaves. Them then you. It was the only way survive in their world, some owners were quite cruel.

"Messenger thank Headbanger very much. Yes, yes, yes!" said Messenger as he put his head on her stomach once more. He smiled, it kicked again. It wanted to be free.

"You're welcome, my friend." said Headbanger as she stroked his head. The white coats scribbled down more notes but Headbanger didn't mind. In her time here she had grown accustomed to their watching eyes and hushed voices. It was a welcome change from the agony filled cries and grunts in ecstasy that she had listened to for the past ten years. She had forgotten her age long ago but suspected that she was about nineteen or twenty give or take. She began to caress him lovingly and he sighed. His mother used to do just the same until she left, no, died. He blinked back tears, if there was one thing he learned it was that crying did no good. It actually made things worse sometimes like with Boss who could be quite cruel when he got the urge. Cockroach cried and look where that got him. Whenever he cried Boss would just take longer and Cockroach would just have to work longer and harder with that tongue stump of his.

"Come away oh human child to the waters and the wild, with a faerie hand in hand, for the world is more full of weeping than you can understand." said Messenger to Headbangers stomach. A bit after that they were lead back inside but instead of going to his room he was lead down a corridor and another. He began to panic, this was new and new things both fascinated and scared him. He was lead to a yellow room with pictures on the walls. There was a pretty woman there on one side of the table and he was lead to the other side.

"Hello Messenger my name is but you can call me Roberta." said Dr. Gunner as Messenger looked her over. She was swamped with work between this boy, the tongueless boy, and some of her other patients. This was going to pay off though, it was gonna make her famous. You didn't come across people like this everyday. David Cullen her other high profile client was a bit strange and morbid but not violent and given the right amount of time he was going to be able to almost full integrate into life on the outside. This boy's case resembled Genie's, a girl found in the 1970's raised in near total isolation. She had not even learned to speak. From the notes she was given though it was obvious that this boy could speak but his sentences were barely grammatical. He also went where he stood, tasted everything, didn't understand the concept of utensils, touched himself whenever the urge took him, and seemed to talk to no one. She could civilize this boy though, she was going to be the next Annie Young.

"Hello Roberta. Messenger think it nice meet you. Very, double nice!" said Messenger loudly. He couldn't see this woman ears and assumed that she didn't have any so he practically screamed

"It's nice to meet you too Messenger, I hope we can become good friends."

"Messenger want to be friends. Never been friends with woman except for Headbanger but Headbanger Boss'. Where Boss?" asked Messenger still talking loudly. He missed Boss and Boss probably missed him. Boss needed someone to make him feel good and Messenger was that someone. Well, Cockroach and Headbanger too but he was better at it than them; he had been doing it his whole life.

"I'm sorry, I don't know. Now listen Messenger, where going to do some talking OK? I'm going to ask you questions and I want you to answer them, alright?" Messenger nodded

"Good, now tell me, how long were you held prisoner for?" Messenger wasn't too sure about that, he knew he had been under the stairs his whole life and he imagined himself about twenty0five, he was born at the end of the cold time, but he didn't really have a good sense of time. He decided to just say twenty-five

"My whole entire twenty-five years of life." Twenty five? He was too small but an X-ray of his bones had confirmed his age. There was a bone that showed age pretty accurately and he was between twenty-four and twenty-seven but he was about the height of a twelve year old and the weight of an eight year old and spoke like a preschool aged child

"You were never in the house?"

"Silly Roberta, cellar part of house."

"No, I mean you were never one of Eldon and Elmira's children?" Who? Messenger had heard their names being shouted through the vents and on the television which he was allowed to watch sometimes by the white coats but he had never actually seen them. He was always kept to the back wall of the cellar so he would never be found. Technically he wasn't supposed to exist but for some reason he made it this far. Headbanger called it luck and Cockroach called it fate but he didn't really care why he was there only that he was there.

"Who?"

"You might call them Mommy and Daddy." Of course, Eldon and Elmira were Mommy and Daddy. They were spoken of often by the people under the stairs mostly in contempt but also in fear. Messenger always imagined them as great demons ruling over the house ready to steal their lives at a whim. He often didn't understand why he was so afraid of something he hadn't seen and barely heard. Cockroach warned him not to look for them in the walls though, he would face a certain death. Cockroach spoke of them only in tongue-less contempt and burning hatred but never fear. He was scared though, who would be but he wasn't very scared. On the contrary, according to him the chase was great fun. Messenger wished that he could have some fun for once but knew that it would never happen. He wasn't as brave or as agile as Cockroach and wouldn't dream of picking a fight or watching Boss' television. Messenger didn't know what Boss needed television for anyway, he had had his eyes but out for seeing evil but he said it was his and o one could watch without his express permission. Others watched though but never him, he was a good slave. Not like Cockroach who was a very bad escaped slave who only came down to send food and supplies and word of the up-top.

"Never up there, never see them. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Messenger good boy. Messenger lucky boy Headbanger say but Cockroach say it fate. Fated by a person called god who Cockroach worship but is also angry with."

"Are you angry with god as well?"

"Messenger no know who God is."

"Who's Cockroach?"

"Cockroach slave too. Cockroach got real family with mother and father and sister though. He talk tongueless 'bout them lots times very much. Cockroach talk 'bout Alice person, he love her. Headbanger say so. See, Cockroach make knife from bone for Alice person and give to Headbanger to give to Alice when he die and there note too and Cockroach write that if Cockroach could Cockroach would tell Alice person everyday a thousand times a day that Cockroach love her. Yes, yes yes!"

"You read that?"

"Can't read. Messenger slave not Scribe!" Scribe was the only one of them that really knew how to read and write. He was record keeper. The title was the only one that got passed down between the designated Scribes. Messenger had know about five different scribes in his lifetime and each died young because even though they weren't owned they still weren't strong enough to fight the frenzy for food.

"I see. Messenger, do you remember your parents? You know, mother and father." She shouldn't have said that. At the word mother the rock hard shell of his emotions split and all his tears came running out and he began to scratch at himself and bang his head against the wall. He was given a shot and everything went black. When he came to he was in his room and he just let the tears fall as he repeated everyone of his mothers rhymes in a thick, anguish filled voice.

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Alice was unable to look either Roach or Fool in the eye for quite a bit of time after her and her mother's little talk. That didn't mean that she still didn't think about him. Her fantasies had become more and more elaborate. She had one where they were married and one where they were newlyweds and one where there was a bed and it was covered with roses. They only kissed though, she didn't really understand much beyond that. Her mother had made it sound painful and she didn't understand how anyone could get joy from that. She was currently still counting for him, he was bulking up nicely in her opinion. She grimaced as he drank three raw eggs out of a glass. He shuddered and wiped his mouth and washed out the glass. Trysta looked up from her meal at him, her crush was getting worse but she wasn't hinting at it though, that would have been just plain wrong. She thought that she had settled her internal conflict but it just got worse as time wore on. As the days went by she learned many things that they had in common and they had some things not in common. They both liked video games, Roach just liked the older, simpler ones he was familiar with but he was a bit addicted to Pacman. They had gotten a new Nintendo system as a gift from their aunt Delila that was supposed to be for David but he was willing to share. He seemed to mostly like Pacman and Frogger but didn't really seem to get to into Zelda, not like her anyway. They both liked the rock of the sixties and seventies and were crazy for the king. They both didn't get rap, loved the Simpsons and predicted that they'd peak around the year two-thousand, they both didn't get tofu and hated that you couldn't trick the arcade games by threading a string through a quarter. they even had ruffly the same taste in TV too.  
She had brought those facts up to Donna, one of the few people who knew and was sworn to absolute sacristy. She had told her it was because they were brother and sister but she didn't listen. If she ever did bring her feelings up there was one person that stood in her way;Alice. It wasn't that she didn't like Alice, she was pretty impartial about her, but it was obvious that he felt more than friendship for her and that she felt the same but they either didn't notice or didn't care. Sometimes Trysta swore that her brother had to be beaten over the head, dragged to a woman's home, and raped repeatedly until he got the idea that she liked him. She was thrown from her musings when Dottie walked by carrying a piece of tinfoil covered in glitter that read 'I'm rite heer E.T.!' on it in her bad six year old spelling. Alice asked about the sign and Roach shrugged his shoulders and broke himself another egg. Alice looked at him like Garfield looked at lasagna and Trysta's eyes bled green. Alice didn't notice and grimaced as Roach at another egg.

"Hey Roach, do you wanna come to my house? I can bake you something that isn't raw eggs." said Alice timidly. Roach smiled and nodded as he put a T-shirt on and wrote his father a note telling him he was going to Alice's house. David Sr. gave his son permission to leave pending that he put his sunscreen on. He did and Alice got his back even though that part of him was covered. He felt a bit uncomfortable and good at the same time. She was rubbing all up and down his back and Trysta cursed and left. What was her problem? Alice blushed and they left. After they started walking Alice began to talk and talk and talk. Roach listened intently, he would never dream of ignoring Alice. Alice wanted to stop, she really did but it just kept coming up like word vomit. They walked along until they got lost. They only got a bit scared, it wasn't like they hadn't been lost before. They walked and walked until the houses got bigger and bigger. This street looked familiar then a sudden, cold realization swept over them as they saw the house that they had been held captive in for a big chunk of their lives. They just looked and looked as the memories flushed over them one by one. Every bruise, every cut, every burn and every tear. Everything. They both reached for each other's hands as they went as close as they could because of the police tape. Some people came out carrying a body bag, they smelled like the brine. Tears began to collect at the corners of Roach's eyes but he didn't cry; he couldn't cry. He had to be strong if not for himself then at least for Alice who was sobbing openly. He felt a single tear escape the side of his cheek as he turned her around and they began to retrace their steps. As they left he could swear that they could hear the cries of the souls lost in that house.

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Please review, you guys must have some opinion of this story. Sorry for the brevity of Roach and Alice but it's brief but good in my opinion. 


	15. Nightmares,kissess,& a custody quest

Disclaimer: Insert standard disclaimer here.

Roach and Alice eventually made their way to her house and calmed down. The re-buried the memories deep in their minds, there was absolutely no reason to remember. It would do them no good and plenty of bad. That time was over, they had to remember that. They managed to avoid Alice's mother who was home that day. She always insisted that they be where she could see them and Alice didn't quite know why. Roach knew but wasn't about to explain it to her. They made their way to Alice's room and Roach was surprised; she had even more dolls and clothes and even a tiny oven. It seemed that every time he was at her house she had something new. He sat on her bed as she mixed some powder into a tiny bowl and wrinkled his nose at all of the pink. True Alice's walls were pink when she lived at the house but now everything from her bed to her walls to her desk was some shade of pink. He wondered why, her favorite color was yellow. There was a ding as their light bulb warmed treats were ready. Alice sat them down at a play tea party table and Roach followed. He had to bring his knees up to his chest to sit, the table was better suited for a child.

"D-Do you like sugar cookies?" asked Alice a bit nervous. Roach nodded and took one. Alice did too. Roach noticed that they were sitting across from each other and eating together like husband and wife and blushed at the though. He looked around, her dolls and stuffed animals looked like children sitting there silently. Alice noticed too.

"Roach, maybe we could play house?" said Alice. They used to play house in their childhood and the game hadn't come up in quite a bit of time. Roach bit his lower lip and nodded, he was getting nervous.

"Care for some pretend tea husband?"

"Uhuh weef.(uhuh wife.)" said Roach as he handed her a pretend plastic tea cup. She poured some pretend tea in it and he drank up

"How wewr duh hidweh?(How were the children?)"

"Very good as always."

"Guh.(Good)" Said Roach as he ate another tiny cookie. They exchanged pleasantries that in there minds was normal talk for a husband and wife. Never before had this game made them both so nervous. They were nervous at the though of them being husband and wife, married, with children. Alice imagined that maybe this was how her life would always be, they had agreed to get married after all. They continue to exchange pleasantries until the cookies were gone and Alice had an idea.

"Roach, there is something else husbands and wives do." Said Alice. Roach looked at her with wide eyes and a shocked expression until she closed her eyes and brought her lips closer to his. Roach was both relieved and nervous. He was relieved that this was what she meant, he didn't even want to think about what had run through his head. Well, with Alice anyway, she was just too innocent. He was nervous at the thought of kissing her. Their first kiss had been for practice true but it still felt amazing to Roach. Maybe this one was just for pretend. He turned his head and pressed his lips to hers. He put his hand on the small of her back and they stayed like that until they needed air. When they broke apart they though that they were going to faint form the amount of blood rushing to their faces as they blushed and Alice giggled a bit. That was wonderful.

"Wee shu peteh mowr offeh(We should pretend more often)" said Roach who though that it was for pretend. He didn't know if Alice felt the same way as he did and he really didn't want to know. If she did great and if she didn't he'd be heartbroken. Alice smile deflated a bit as she looked down. She couldn't believe that it was just for pretend. Nothing that wonderful could have been for pretend. The rest of their progressed as normal. They jumped on the bed, watched TV, Alice made Roach play dolls with her, and they just sat there enjoying each other's presence for a bit of time. Roach eventually had to go when Donna came looking for him. Alice bid him goodbye and went to wait at the table for dinner, it was some kind of soup. She sighed at her food, it looked good but she felt bad. Not really bad hollow in a way.

"If you don't like it I can make you something else. I think that we might have some jell-o in the fridge."

"No!" said Alice quickly as she began to eat. She didn't want to hurt her mother's feeling but she really didn't think that she could stomach anymore jell-o.

"I told ya she wouldn't like it." Said Debbie as she spooned some of her soup into Alice's bowl. She didn't like it that much either

"I like it." Said Alice quietly not quite sure how loudly she was allowed to speak. She was sure that she was allowed to speak though and was quite grateful for that. Her father took out a notebook and scribbled something down. Alice looked at him curiously before returning to her meal. It was some kind of broth with noodles and meat pieces floating in it. The first time she was served meat at her house she didn't even touch it. She didn't know what it was or that people at meat from animals. It was quite a few days later before she brought it up to Roach who explained it to her. As far as she was concerned he knew everything.

"Debbie, you seem to be the only one complaining here. So stop and just eat." Said Mary-Ann annoyed at her oldest daughter. She regretted over indulging her oldest daughter after her youngest daughter was kidnapped but she wanted to make her time with her last remaining child count. She had created a monster and she knew it. She knew that it was wrong to think these thoughts but Alice was becoming her favorite. True she had quite a few emotional issues and she didn't quite get the concept of what was socially acceptable but she never whined or complained and always told her where she was going even if it was with a boy who looked quite a bit older than her. She didn't believe that he was fifteen, he was just too tall. Debbie as an act of defiance tipped her bowl back and drank the contents. Alice looked at her shocked and then looked from her mother to her father and back again. Her mother gave her a look that clearly said leave the table and her father was shaking his head. Alice was becoming less and less shocked by her parents behavior to her and her older sister but it was still shocking that the things that would warrant the worst punishments went unpunished. Alice was tempted to try the same thing but decided against it. She was just too afraid. Maybe if she were Roach she would. Roach wasn't afraid of anything or anybody. It was one of the reasons she liked him so much. Debbie left the table and Alice ate in silence, her father still scribbling things down. She was tempted to ask him what but was afraid. She still wasn't too sure about her father, he was big like Daddy and that scared her. She was sure about her mother though, she never screamed at Alice or smacked her for this and that. Hell, she couldn't even sew! The after dinner preceded as usual, Alice taking everyone's plates and washing them and then going to her room or taking a rag bath. The bathroom scared her just a tiny bit. She went to her room but her father followed her. She turned around and looked at him not sure what to do.

"Just be natural. Do what you'd normally do like I wasn't even here." Said Ronald as he followed his daughter up the rickety stair case almost tripping over the shag carpeting. He had come to the conclusion that he knew very little about her so he was trying to learn more about her. He could just talk to her but she seemed to be just a bit afraid of him so he took notes. Alice turned around and went to her room. She began to straighten out the already immaculate room. Ronald decided she was a neat freak. He looked around, the room was better suited for a four year old. Actually, his daughter behaved like a four year old only she didn't through tantrums. She played with dolls and wore these dresses that would be better suited on a doll and she even played tea party. He still preferred a daughter who acted younger than usual for her age group than the wild child Debbie had become. Alice walked right into her father and dropped the dolls she was carrying. She made a point to change their cloths once a week or whenever she got bored of looking at their outfits.

"Honey, you should really watch where you're goin'. You might hurt yourself."

"Y-You told m-m-me to pr-pretend that you weren't there." Said Alice quietly as she picked up her dolls and straightened them out

"I didn't man it like that." Said Ronald as his wife called him downstairs. He left Alice who wondered what that was all about. She decided that fathers were strange and changed her doll's clothes. After that he went to brush her hair to the best of her ability. Mommy had always brushed her hair and now she had to do it on her own like tie her shoes or scrub herself. While she was attempting to get her hair to stay straight her sister came in with an old box.

"Hey Allie, I was looking in my closet and check out what I found." Said Debbie as she took out an old doll house complete with a doll family. Alice walked over timidly. She looked at the house, it was wood and so were the people. There was a mother, a father, a girl, and a boy as well as some other plastic dolls that Alice didn't really think went with that set. Alice smiled and thanked her sister.

"Hey, what's got you down Twerpetta?" said Debbie as she tied a bow around Alice's head in a Madonna fashion

"Nothing." Said Alice as she scrunched her nose at the bow, she though that she looked silly but Debbie seemed to think it looked nice. Alice didn't feel like talking about what happened with Roach, it was a pretend game after all. Actually, none of their kisses had been real. The first was just for practice. Was her kiss with Fool real? He had taken her by surprise after all.

"I won't take 'nothin' for an answer sis. Remember I have seventeen years of life experience and you only fourteen. Actually maybe less since you were raised as a shut in." Alice shook her head, she still wasn't saying anything. According to Roach you only had to speak when your parents spoke to you, sisters and brothers didn't count. Actually he wasn't really allowed to speak, his voice was strange and no one could understand him. Debbie sat down on Alice's bed and crossed her arms. She was going to help her sister through whatever this was even if she had to sit on that bed forever. She really hoped that it didn't come to that though, school started soon and she really wanted to graduate.

"Not movin' Allie."

"OK, OK." Said Alice as she told Debbie everything from start to finish but not without blushing horribly. Debbie feared that she might pass out from the amount of blood rushing to her face. Debbie laughed a bit at the end, she didn't mean to but she could just picture her sister doing that.

"I knew you liked him." Said Debbie. Alice was a bit confused, of course she liked Roach, why else would she be friends with him.

"Boys are dumb, seriously. Why don't you actually kiss him and see how he feels. If he doesn't like it he's not that into you but if he does congratulations you have a boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?"

"Unless he's already your boyfriend." Said Debbie as she got up to leave. As far as she could tell she wasn't all to sure what they were to each other but knew that her sister had a crush on him.

"Roach is a boy who is my friend." Said Alice as she went through her closet to find a nightgown while trying to stop thinking about this.

"You just keep tellin' yourself that, sis." Said Debbie as she closed Alice's door. Alice got into her white nightgown and began to set up her dollhouse. Was Roach her boyfriend? Her mother had explained that to her but she wasn't exactly sure if she and Roach went past best friends. She hadn't had many friends in her life and wasn't quite sure about it. She sat the family down at the table. The parent dolls were talking but the child doll interrupted her mother so the child doll had to be punished. She put the child doll in the tub and held her in there.

"I'm sorry but good girls speak when spoken too." Said Alice to the doll she was drowning. She continued to play house until she got tired and went to bed, still trying to figure this whole thing out. Life was confusing.

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"Have at thee!" yelled Morgan to Trysta across the table as they had a corncob sword fight. Trysta was beating him and they were getting corn on everything. Amanda looked exhausted as she rubbed her temples and didn't even bother to try and stop them.

"I shall prevail dear brother for I am the superior swords...err...cobsman!" said Trysta in an uncharacteristic moment of play. She was usually a very calm and collected individual who would rather read a book than act like the ten year old she was. It came from being the child that faded into the background behind the strange and just plain attention getting.

"What say you Girly? I'm winning!"

"Who be you to call me Girly?!"

"Cut it out or we're having brussclesprout soup tomorrow!" Said David Sr. who had had just about enough of this. Roach sighed and dug his spoon into his something stew oblivious to the loud play around him or the pieces of grisly being flung at him by Dottie who was aiming at Morgan. Her aim being off because of the lack of a pinky finger on her right hand. He was sad and he didn't know why. Today had been a good day, he went over to Alice's house and they played and kissed. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had hurt her feelings though but you couldn't really be too sure with Alice or any girl in general. Roach decided that women were complicated but hoped that he didn't end up like Messenger. That though brought shudders through his entire body. He never wanted to end up like Messenger but they did share some of the same opinions on women, they were good company but very emotional and complicated. Messenger, he missed him. He supposed that maybe they could be called friends but he wasn't sure. They had had their good times, Messenger taught Roach bone craft among other things, things Roach didn't really want to talk or think about, and he taught Roach about their twisted society to which Messenger had been born. He willed himself to take a bite, it was OK but then again Roach had trouble tasting sometimes. He looked over at his siblings, Dottie was eating quietly for once, Morgan and Trysta were playing. Trysta was showing an odd level of immaturity, Roach considered her to be more of an adult then even he was. And Donna was chatting to their mother about something, Roach didn't really care. Why were they still there? Why was he the one who had to go? He should have been a good boy, a better boy. Why did he have to have this happen to him? He had always considered himself a man of faith but what kind of God would do this to him? To anyone? These thoughts alarmed him, why was he even thinking this? He had long ago accepted that God was testing him so why call it into question now? He shook his head and began to eat quickly. His parent's noticed something was off about him that night and waited a bit before asking him what was wrong. He told them nothing, there were just some things that they didn't need to know. He spent some more time in his room just looking at his various possessions, possessions of a time past. Possessions of a boy named David not a man named Roach. Was Roach a man? He considered himself one because to be a man was to have lived through hard ship and lose a childish naivety about the world. Plus he looked the part with his broad shoulders and height and deep voice. He wanted to be David again, sometimes he hated Roach and other times he loved him. David was a quite timid little boy who was a bit wild and never shy or scared of things he had no logical reason to be scared of. Roach was what he was made into by Mommy and Daddy, a fighter, a slave, a runaway, a man. He laid on his bed, knees to his chest and head in his knees and began to rock back and forth. He heard his parents get to bed and suddenly wanted to be with them. He got out of bed and tip toed to their room. He opened the door and saw that they were asleep, he was grateful for that. He crawled slowly under the blanket until he was between them and he curled up close to them enjoying the body heat ad the security he had been sorely needing and so far getting from Alice. He needed his mother. She loved him. She would do anything for him. She'd keep him safe. Yes, yes, yes! Roach shook his head, he was starting to sound like thought sent a shudder down his spine, he never wanted to be like Messenger. That guy had problems, scary problems. His parents were in for quite the surprise when they woke up.

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Amanda woke up slowly, she had exhausted herself the previous day. Well, everyday was exhausting but that one took the cake. Her children were making their remaining time of summer a time to attempt to significantly shorten her life and theirs. The fact that David had come back was a stressful too but she couldn't complain, this was what she was waiting ten years for and now she got it. They were just being children true, but they could be a bit better behaved if they put their minds to it. She could feel someone next to her and assumed it to be her husband of sixteen years. She reached a hand out and felt a semi muscled but still bony chest, semi muscled arms, and short hair. She ran her hand down the chest and felt a series of raised bumps and lines.

"David!" said Amanda loudly as she realized who it was. Roach woke up startled and went back into his father.

"A-Amanda, d-d-do you re-really think tha-tha-that we should be doing this now? The kids are go-gonna wake up soon." Said David Sr. as he opened his eyes. He expected to see his wife waiting to work on Cullen child number six but instead he saw his son in blue button down pajamas.

"Holy sweet Jesus! David, were you here all night?!" said David Sr. who couldn't believe that his fifteen year old son had decided to crawl into bed with his parents. He supposed that it could have been understandable and under different circumstances they would have loved that fact that their son wanted to be in such close proximity to them but this was crossing the line just a little bit. Roach looked a bit scared as his gaze passed between his mother and his father and back again. He nodded slowly at his father's question and just sat there between his parents. They didn't seem too mad, just surprised. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

"Well,uh…I better get breakfast going before Dottie wakes up and tries to make it herself. The fire department is still mad about last time." said Amanda awkwardly as she got up. David Sr and Roach followed. When Roach wasn't looking David Sr. gave him a long look, maybe his son did need that shrink. He had been advised to take his oldest son to therapy but he was against it. In his opinion therapy turned wives against husbands, sons against fathers, and neighbors against him. Besides, his son would eventually want to go back to his old bed, right?

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Messenger glared as best he could from behind his sunglasses. She was back, the pretender was back. She was not mother. Mother was gone. This woman who looked like mother, why was she there? At least he though she looked like mother, he couldn't really remember his mother all to well. She was familiar though and that was how he knew. He also felt like he wanted to be with her even though she said those things to him. He couldn't understand why but he just did. She was talking to Roberta, Messenger's new friend. Messenger knew Cockroach might like her, he liked women but never forced them even though he could. He said that it was wrong. Messenger didn't understand how it could be wrong, men could do that because they were stronger than the women, well not him, and if someone was stronger than someone else they could do whatever they wanted to the weaker people. They were in the outside but he didn't want to go to Headbanger, well he did but he couldn't. The pretender had to be watched. Watched carefully. Watched like the television Boss watched even though he had no eyes. He hissed a bit and continued to stare, he hated her. Why did she have to tell him that? Why! Speak no evil! Bit you're tongue! As he was often told by many of the people under the stairs when he spoke out of turn. Slaves were meant to be seen not heard..She had made Messenger cry and hurt himself. Make himself run red. Red on white! Red to white! White giving way to rivers of red! Hehehehe! He was mad so he had to get the mad out so he put his nails into his arms and legs and chest and made himself run red. Red! Red blood through his veins like the ants and cockroaches of the cellar in the walls behind them. Around them. In ! Roach! He hoped he was alright wherever he was. He always said he had family, but sometimes Messenger think he lie. Cockroach lie a lot. Cockroach lie about Messenger and what he do. Cockroach say they not liked, just being used but Messenger know it not true. They love him, that was why they do that. Make Messenger feel good, really good! Cockroach cry though, he didn't know why. Cockroach strange in his opinion.

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Eloise was getting closer and closer to getting Messenger. She didn't care if he wanted to live with her or not because she knew first hand that this was not the place for him. She was a bit depressed that he probably wouldn't want to, she couldn't explain it but she was feeling a bond to Messenger not unlike the bond between parent and child and she couldn't understand why. Maybe she was filling the void left by losing her own child all those years ago or maybe it was just empathy but either way she was going to take him home and nurture him like her own child. She had been speaking to his therapist Roberta who had told her of his problems, mental and physical. Apparently he had paranoid schizophrenia brought on by a mixture of his upbringing and second stage syphilis and his general upbringing. He had scoliosis and his internal organs were malformed as well as his bones. There was also trauma to suggest that he had been raped his entire life. Eloise had broken down upon hearing this. She hated that this had happened to her grandchild, she didn't ever want what happened to her to happen to any other person. She could tell that she was being glared at through his thick sunglasses and it stung her. It stung her that her own flesh and blood would have these feeling for her. She knew that she was to blame though, not only for Messenger's feelings for her but for his suffering, all of the people under the stairs' suffering. She knew that she should have pressed harder with the police and not have allowed herself to be placed so easily into the institution and she cursed herself for allowing herself to push her past so far down into the nether reaches of her mind when she was adopted out. She only half listen to the therapist as she went on about the things that would have to be done for him if he ever lived in her home, she was observing him. He had her hair and nose and possibly her eyes, she'd have to check again. She wanted to hold him, comfort him, mutter reassuring words to him but she doubted that he would ever allow her to. That was how the next hour progressed until he had to have his medication cocktail. She left and slowly made her way to her car. She didn't cry, no she laughed. She was getting a second chance! A second chance to redeem herself! And this time she would do it right. She began to plan for his coming to her house, she'd need to ask for her foster mother to help her clear one of the guest rooms and make it into a room for him. She'd have to get him a bed. She had a most depressing though; he had probably never slept in a bed before. She sighed as she got home, her mother asked how it went but after a long, sad look she decided not to press. Eloise went up to her room, she had never moved out of her parents house, not after her adoptive father had taken an extended vacation to Vegas, not after graduating law school, not after graduating high-school, not even after being offered an apartment in the east side. Her mother went into her doll filled pink lace room with a slice of sponge cake and a hug.

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Please review my loyal readers, all five of them. (Hahahaha)


	16. Bonding with carnivals and videogames

Disclaimer: Why bother?

Alice's morning went as usual for the first part. She got up, made her bed, brushed her teeth and hair, got dressed, and went down to breakfast. Something was out of the ordinary though, her father wasn't dressed. Usually at this time during the week he was in a suit and tie and ready to head out the door but now he was just in his bathrobe and pajamas sipping coffee. He noticed her and put his cup down.

"Good, you're up! I've got a whole day planned for us. We'll be doing whatever you want to do, isn't that great!" Alice looked at him like he was crazy and nodded her head slowly before taking her place at the table as her mother served oatmeal and toaster pastries. Debbie came downstairs and yawed loudly. Alice put a finger to her lips. Debbie didn't like that.

"Don't tell me what to do, OK? If Mom and Dad can't you certainly can't."

"Debbie, be nice." Said Ronald

"Whatever. Hey, did you get fired?" said Debbie noticing her father's cloths

"No."

"Quite?"

"No!"

"Get drafted?"

"What? If I was why would I be in my- Oh, never mind!"

"Do you have a secret family in Cancun you don't want us to know about so everyday when you say that you're going to work you're really visiting them?"

"What?" said both Ronald and Alice at once

"Whatever." Said Debbie as she sat down to eat. Alice at too but stole glances at her father when she though he wasn't looking. Whatever she wanted to do? She didn't even know what she wanted to do, she had given up on her dress when she sewed it to her sleeve and she had planned on seeing Roach that day. They were going to throw rocks at a beehive with Morgan and Dottie but she had better tell him that she couldn't. She was going to call him after dinner, she had just gotten the hang of dialing the phone and she and Roach exchanged phone numbers. At first Alice didn't quite understand why people would want to talk on the phone instead of face to face but it had been explained to her. She was still a bit confused but she got the jist of it. She finished her food and asked if she could be excused and was allowed. That was another thing she liked about her real family, she got to be excused when she was done. She decided to use the phone in the living and dialed Roach's number. It rang twice before someone picked it up.

"City morgue. Press 1 to claim a body. Press 2 to report a body."

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What had started off as a one night thing now turned into every night. Frankly, it was getting a bit annoying to be bumped in the middle of the night or forced to sleep parallel because his son shifted position so much. Plus he and his wife didn't get to do the thing they usually did when the kids were asleep. His wife minded too but she wasn't going to kick her son out of the bed. They both agreed that it was good that he wanted to be with them but now he was getting unusually clingy. David Sr. put his foot down about his son not going to therapy even though Amanda said that she was sure that the therapist wasn't going to blame all of their son's problems on them but he wouldn't hear of it. Therapy turned wives against husbands, sons against fathers, and neighbors against him. That hadn't been a pleasant week for anyone. He was worried a bit but not too much, he just told himself that David Jr. was quirky like Dottie. He rolled over on the bed loving the few moments left of sleep before he had to get up for work. He didn't really mind work too much but they were getting many more customers now. It was because people knew about David being back and some of what happened to him and they new that his family needed the money so they shopped at the store more, for stuff they didn't even need. David Sr. wasn't complaining too much though, more customers meant more pay. He shifted position and heard a moan, he had rolled over on his sons' arm. He sighed, he had just kicked Dot of this and now there was a new bed mate. The mattress shifted as Roach left the bed, that was how he was woken up now, by being accidentally crushed each morning. He got up and went to his room to get clothes to wear for the day, it was his routine of getting clothes and showering and getting dressed and having breakfast. The rest of his day was completely free-form but for some odd reason he didn't quite want to leave his house. He used to love being outside in the fresh air and sunshine but now there was a sense of foreboding about leaving the safe confines of his home. He was beginning to feel anxious again, like being in the walls. He was dancing on the edge more and more. He thought that he'd never have to feel like this again if he ever escaped but now it was back. It wasn't as bad and it seemed to go away if he was near his parents or Alice but it was still there. It was there lurking in the corners of his mind, his thoughts. He'd be having fun one moment and then suddenly feel afraid or sad for no reason at all. He made his way down the stairs and to the table. He felt a bit unworthy of all of this, this food, this love, this happiness. He knew that he didn't deserve this for what he was. He had hoped to forget his time under the stairs, forget what had happened to him and what he had to do for his safety and Alice's. He had hoped and tried but he just couldn't forget. He couldn't forget being pinned down, being forced on his knees, being forced to-to, he couldn't even think about but it lived on in his dreams, his nightmares. His dreams and nightmares and memories were like gateways back to his personal hell and every night he dreaded going to sleep for fear of having to relive this. Sleeping with his parents helped but he needed to sleep next to Alice. When he slept next to her his dreams were always about her. True those dreams weren't always particularly pleasant but they were much better than the usual dreams. He preferred the ones of them running into the big, bright, wonderful world then the dreams filled with grief, rage, pain, and anguish. Roach ate his food with false cheer, he was good at faking happiness. Just as he was about to finish the phone rang and Morgan beat everyone to it. He answered city morgue when their mother had forbid them from answering like that. Roach didn't understand why his little brother would defy their mother like that, she was such a nice woman and as far as he knew she had done nothing to warrant it. The look on Morgan's face was priceless with disbelief as he turned slowly to Roach.

"You want to talk to who?" said Morgan with disbelief. There were some words spoken from the other person before Roach was handed the phone. Both of his parents stopped eating and watched the scene with interest. They had heard him speak and they didn't particularly like his distorted voice with the occasional crack but they were curious to see him hold up a conversation.

"Whuh? (What?) Huh? Shewr(sure). Weeree?(Really?)Bye." Said Roach as he hung up the phone and returned to his food a bit depressed.

"Who was that?" asked Amanda

'_Alice.' _wrote Roach as he ate a bit more slowly. He was sad that she couldn't come to his house because her father was planning to do something with her that day. Roach didn't really know what to do without Alice. TV was getting boring and Dot was busy with something involving UFOs and conspiracies involving aliens and emus, his father had work and his mother was a busy woman. Donna might be fun to spend time with though, he knew her the best of all his siblings mainly because he knew she existed before coming back home

"She break up with you?" asked Morgan with a mouth full of food. Roach shook his head no and poured some more syrup on his pancakes.

"You and her eloping in Tahiti and getting married in Guam where you'll have thirty sons and thirty daughters which you'll name after various cheeses?" asked Dottie who was putting syrup in her milk much to her parent's disgust. Roach shook his head no much more forcefully and Dot got some weird looks.

"She not realize how nice and special you are?" asked Trysta and most of the table gave her a look

"I meant in the brother/sister way!" said Trysta quickly. She hadn't totally convinced her parents but they tried to convince themselves that that was what she meant.

"Sure you did Tystal, sure." Said Donna

"Don't call me that, Belladonna."

"It's not Belladonna anymore hun, we had it changed when she was three days old." Said David Sr. as he got up from the table but not before putting the stick of butter infront of Roach and telling him to butter his pancakes, he complied.

"What's got you down? Have the emus got to you too?" asked Dottie as she reached across the table to grab a pancake with a hanger she had taped to her arm

"Ehmuhs? (Emus?)"

"Dottie for the last time, emus are not alien animals." Said Amanda

"Then how do you account for the fact that they look a lot like ostriches?"

"Because according to evolution they evolved from a common ancestor so will you please get all of that shiny paper and tinfoil out of the tree and get that sign off the roof!" said David Sr. who was hoping that his daughter would grow out of this like Trysta did. Roach gave Dottie a long look, his sister never failed to both fascinate and startle him.

"What?" said Amanda surprised at the intelligence briefly displayed by her husband

"I was watching the learning channel last night, OK?"

"Hey Davey, wanna help?" Roach nodded grateful for something to do with his day even if it was outside. His yard was safe right? Probably, it had a fence.

"Dottie, first you have to get that tetanus shot." Said Amanda who had to pull a rusty nail out of Dottie's foot that morning. Tetanus shots were becoming regular family outings in the Cullen house. Amanda didn't see the harm in waiting, she had had enough tetanus shots to know how long it was alright to wait.

"Who's gonna watch David?" asked Donna who had plans that day. Morgan and Trysta could be left alone but not David. He was a bit more like a child than them in her opinion.

Plus he had put his hand on a lit gas stove and didn't move it even though he was obviously in pain. Apparently he had been taught to turn off the pain in all his years of suffering

"Hmm?" Said David Sr. under his breath. He couldn't take the boy to work with him, he'd be extremely board and he couldn't go to the hospital either. Donna couldn't watch him. He needed someone he trusted that was responsible and mature beyond their years for the most part. He had a great idea.

"He Trysta, what's your favorite movie?"

"'Dirty Dancing' until you taped over it with the 'Victoria's Secret' fashion show."

"That's right, 'Adventures in Babysitting'! And here's the boy you'll be babysitting, David!" Several things happened at once. Trysta looked at her father like he was crazy but then looked happy at the chance to be alone with Roach, Amanda dropped the bowl she was carrying, and Roach looked horrified at the thought of being taken care of by a ten year old.

"Have you lost it?!" said Amanda

"It was just a thought honey, will ya quite flyin' off the handle at every little thing?!"

"Maybe if you'd think before you acted I wouldn't have to fly off the handle!" Said David Sr. back at Amanda. To the rest of the Cullen children this was completely and totally normal but to Roach it was terrifying. Daddy fought with Mommy and it usually ended in bloodshed. He hoped that the same thing wouldn't happen to his mother. True his father didn't look like the type to hit but there was still a chance. He didn't understand why his mother didn't just do everything his father said. His father was the man after all and the man was in charge of the family. David Sr. went to put his shoes on and Trysta followed. Roach still sat at the table looking paler and ready to jump at the littlest thing. Amanda wanted to comfort her son but she knew that it was best to leave him alone when he was defensive like this. The last time she tried to comfort or at least get within two feet of him he ran and hid in the hall closet for an hour and a half before he calmed down. David Sr. walked casually towards Trysta who had sat down in front of the TV. He slipper her ten dollars and told her not to let him near the oven. She understood and took the money as Amanda took Dottie out the door who wasn't looking too good. Donna left soon after and told them not to burn the house down and Morgan made himself scarce. Roach suspected he was watching Roach's tiny black and white TV and was tempted to tell his little brother to stay out of his room. That was something he learned to be under the stairs: territorial. Roach walked out of the kitchen having calmed down and sat next to his sister for lack of anything else to do. Trysta was trying to play it cool, not let her nervousness show but she was failing as she began to smile. Roach attributed it to her really liking the show that they were watching and just let her be happy.

"So uh David…you like this show?" Roach nodded. Mama's Family was hilarious in his opinion but he wished that they were still making it.

"Umm…does your tongue hurt?" asked Trysta but instantly regretted it. She wished that she hadn't said that but it came up like word vomit. He didn't seem offended or even hurt as he shook hi head no. To him it was just a question from a curious child. Roach was never going to ignore a question from anyone. He had spent enough of his life being told that he wasn't being spoken to and to only speak when spoken to. He didn't understand why Trysta was visibly relieved but decided not to dwell on it, girls and women were strange creatures.

"Well, uh…. What's with the jar of Cockroaches in your room." Said Trysta trying to make conversation. She internally laughed at what she was trying to do, make conversation with her mute brother. Roach got out his notebook and wrote her a note.

"_Dotty gave it to me." _Wrote Roach

"She spells it with an 'ie' not a 'y'." said Trysta. Roach gave her a why look and she shrugged her shoulders. They watched TV for a bit more until they began to get board.

"Wanna play Pacman?" asked Trysta

"Pahmawh? (Pacman?)" asked Roach

"You know, video-games." Roach remembered video-games and made an OK sign with his fingers. He hadn't played video-games in ten years and was sure he forgot some important things.

"We got Zelda, Pacman, Mrs. Pacman, the E.T. video game, centipede, Pole Position, Volleyball, Mappy, Galaga, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Just don't beat Morgan's high scores. He'll be mad and stay up 'til three in the morning getting his high score back." Said Trysta. Roach didn't hear of any of those games but was sure they were new. The must have made new video games in past ten years he was sure but in his opinion nothing could beat Space Invaders. It was simple enough for him to play at five and he even got the twentieth highest score and it only took six hours and fifty dollars in quarters.

"Whadaya wanna play?" asked Trysta handing him a joy stick. Roach shrugged his shoulders and Trysta picked Pacman. She quickly explained it to him and they got to playing. He picked it up eventually and Trysta was getting more and more nervous. She also felt a bit queasy at the thought of feeling this way about her older brother but quickly reminded herself of the internal conversation she had with herself earlier and scooched a but closer to him. He was 'in the zone' as the expression went and didn't really notice her. Trysta was so distracted that she didn't notice herself lose her last life and cursed as Roach won. He went to start a new game when Trysta felt she should say something to fill the silence. She just hoped that she didn't say the wrong thing again.

"Hey Dave, uhh...is Alice your girlfriend or something?" said Trysta right before she mentally kicked herself. She decided that after this was over she was committing herself to a crazy house. Roach turned around quickly and gave her a long look. Why would she even think-? Was it really that-? After the shock wore off he shook his head no and was confused that she looked relived but he didn't dwell on it. They continued playing until their mother came home with a slightly disoriented Dot. The rest of the day progressed as normal as things could get for them and Roach spent another night between his parents.

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Alice sat at her table, her father across from her, notebook in hand. They had just been sitting there for the past few minutes. Alice didn't really know what to say or do, her father had told her that they were going to do whatever she wanted but she wasn't sure.

"Well, you wanna just sit here the whole day?" Alice shrugged her shoulders and looked down

"Umm...." said Alice trailing off. She really didn't want to do much of anything that day, with another person anyway  
"Wanna go shopping?" Alice shrugged

"Wanna go to the carnival?"

"Carnival?" asked Alice looking up from her shoes. Ronald took this as a sign that his daughter wanted to go and got his car keys. Alice followed all the while wondering what a carnival was. She thought that she had heard Roach mention something like that and some place called Cony Island. She have to see what it was when they got there, she liked surprises anyway. Ronald took a Polaroid camera and a lot of film. He had missed so many moments of his daughter's life and he wasn't going to miss anymore of them. He buckled his daughter in and began to drive. Alice looked fascinated at the passing cars and pressed her face up against the glass. Ronald wanted to know about his daughter but wasn't all to sure how to ask someone who was afraid of him. It broke his heart into a million little pieces and spat on them that his youngest daughter would be afraid of him. He desperately wanted to have a relationship her and he hoped that he was going about this the right way. He wasn't going to be overbearing or even suggest what she do, this day was up to her. He didn't care if his daughter wanted to tattoo 'save the whales' on her forehead, he really hoped she didn't, but if that was what she wanted. Actually he hoped that he wasn't creating another Debbie. Alice jumped back into her seat as a dog barked and buried her head in her knees. Ronald put a reassuring arm around his daughter and she tensed up. He instantly removed his arm and decided to give her some time to calm down. She eventually did and Ronald decided to make some conversation.  
"So uhh...see any good movies lately?" asked Ronald weakly but was over joyed to see his daughter turn toward him

"Uhhuh. I saw this movie called 'Annie' about an orphan, that means she has no parents, named Annie and she lives in a orphanage with some other little girls and she has this broken locket..." and Alice kept going and going summarizing the movie and telling all the parts she liked. She just kept going and going but Ronald didn't mind her incessant talking, he was just happy to hear her voice above a whisper. Ronald got an idea when she said that she liked the dancing and he considered it a good idea. After all she didn't seem to do much with her day besides do god knows what at the Cullen house and sew. He thought that everyone would agree that she needed some other hobbies besides sewing.

"Hey Allie, how'd you like to learn to dance?" said Ronald cutting her off as she went on about the scene at the bridge. She looked startled, sometimes she'd zone out while she went on one of her talking binges and had forgotten that her father was there. She nodded yes slowly, it would be interesting to learn to dance and she liked to learn new things. Like when she learned to bake tiny cookies, that had been fun. Ronald looked happy and told his daughter to continue. He was happy to have learned something new about her. He pulled into the carnival that had just set up shop that day and she clung to him. It wasn't that crowded being a weekday morning and all but Alice wasn't used to being around all of those people. She clung to her father and he wondered if this was really all that good of an idea. He heard the distinctive melody of the merry-go-round and remembered when he first took his daughter to a carnival when she was one. She had loved the merry-go-round so much that it took twenty minutes to get her away from it. He looked down at her and she that she had become. He couldn't believe that this girl, this young woman was his daughter. He clasped her hand and pulled her the merry-go-round and she followed without protest, something about it seemed so familiar to her like a memory from a dream.

"Honey, do you know what this is?" asked Ronald looking down at his daughter who nodded no

"This is a merry-go-round before you were t-taken you used to love this. Do you want to take a ride again? Just like before?" said Ronald trying to keep the sadness out of his voice. Alice looked at it, it looked like fun and she didn't want to make her father mad. He lead her over to the ticket booth and she got a free ride because the ticket taker recognized her from the paper and said that she had had enough hardship and deserved this simple joy. Her father helped her onto one of the pink horses and at first she was scared but then she grew to love the spinning motion and waved to her father as he took a picture. She took five other rides before needing to stop from motion sickness. She couldn't wait to tell Roach that she had been the first person ever to get motion sick on a merry-go-round, she had been running out of things to tell him. After that they had gone on all of the kiddie rides and had a bunch of carnival snacks. Alice even got to borrow the camera and was amazed at the fact that the picture came out right after she hit the button. She had taken so many picture that they ran out of film in two hours. By the end of the day Alice was happy but exhausted, she never knew that you could have fun like that with parents. Alice fell asleep in the car and Ronald carried her up to her bed like she was two again. When she woke up the next morning there was a camera a several boxes of film and a note that read 'To my little shutter bug'


	17. The Brown Envelope

Disclaimer: Why waste my time typing up a disclaimer? Does anyone even care? Does Wes Craven go on the Internet looking for people who don't put up disclaimers so he can sue?

As far as dreams went Roach had had a few doozies, good and bad, but he wasn't quite sure how to classify this one. It wasn't quite a nightmare but it wasn't something he was happy for having his mind conjuring. He especially wasn't happy that his mind had conjured this while he was sleeping with his parents. He was at a loss as to why he would even dream this dream about this particular person. He often dreamt about this person but never in this oh so carnal way. The person he had dreamt about was Alice. The dream one of the best fantasies he had ever had, and as of late he had had quite a few but he still couldn't believe it was about Alice. At first it started off normally, they were in his room and playing like the children they were taught to be but then they kissed, again normal for his dreams about her. But then Roach noticed that she was wearing a dress a lot like the ones Mommy used to sew for her only this one was constricting around her full hips and unusually large chest and showed most of her wonderful legs. Their kiss was less than innocent as they worked each other's tongues deep into the other person's mouth. Alice began to kiss along his jawline, his neck, his chest, down his belly going lower and lower. At this point he woke up from shock and almost fell off of the bed, he regretted sleeping at the foot of his parents bed that night. His shook his head as if to dislodge the thoughts of Alice half dressed from his mind and got out of bed so not to wake them. It would have been pretty humiliating to have his parents wake up to find him already awake and pitching himself a tent. Besides, it was still early, six in the morning to be exact. He crept to his room slowly and got some clothes for the day, his sense of style mirroring what Mommy had his clad in for the past ten years, and decided to take a shower and get re-acquainted with his left hand. He was grateful for many things, the ability to shower more than once a month at the most ad not have the water be boiling was one of them. He was slowly letting the water become hotter than ice cold, today he was going to risk letting it get luke warm and see if it got him into a panic. Roach hated going into panics, he had been having them more and more often at the slightest provocation. Things like belts cracking, doors locking, or even shouting would send him into one of his panics and he'd either blank out or go somewhere small and safe and blank out. Either way it wasn't pleasant and left him feeling tired ad sad and sick afterwards. On his way to the bathroom he passed by his sisters room and his eyes bled green as they often did around his siblings. They were always safe, no one shooting at them, beating them, no nightmares creeping into their heads when they were secure inside of dreamland, no illogical worries about what would happen to them while they slept. Roach bit down on what was left of his tongue for thinking these ungrateful, sinful thoughts. Envy was a sin right? Besides, as quickly as his eyes bled green they stopped quick as lightning in a stormy sky. He stripped down being careful not to look at himself in the mirror. It wasn't that he wasn't proud of the slight amount of muscle that he put on among other parts of him but he didn't want to see any of his scars. Each scar had a story, a story he'd rather forget. Of course some of them had good stories, stories of defiance and escape but most had stories of pain and punishment. Roach bathed himself as quickly as possible, he didn't much like the slightly warm water. He wondered what Alice thought of him. She had seen him naked after all, that thought still sent shudders down his spine. His own mother didn't even see him naked anymore and she used to dress him. He wondered if Alice liked what she saw and was shocked that he even thought about that. As far as he knew Alice didn't even think about those kinds of things but he supposed that if he were a woman looking at him naked he'd like what he saw. He got dressed in the bathroom and folded his towel as he put it into the dirty towel basket by the bathroom door. Roach looked at the clock as he entered his room, it was six-thirty. It was still too early so he decided to turn his old black ad white TV on but turn the volume way down, he had good hearing from having to listen for Prince or Daddy or the other people under the stairs. He flipped the channels, it was mostly news on in the mornings and it was becoming less and less news about Mommy and Daddy, now it was about a war Roach didn't even know was going on. He flipped until he saw a woman that looked an awful lot like Mommy. It couldn't be? It was either She Who Was Chained to Bed or Molly. Probably She Who Was Chained to Bed, the woman looked old enough and Molly was most likely dead, Roach had been so young when she escaped her confines and was sure that her escape failed like so many others in the past had. He pressed his head up to the TV so close that his forehead was leaving a mark on the dusty glass.

_"What is your name and relation to this boy, Messenger?" _asked a reporter

_"Eloise Grace Richards formerly Robeson and Messenger is my grandson."_

_"How do you know and what is your relation to the Robeson's?"_

_"I'm Eldon and Elmira's sister and I began developing early so my father gave me to Eldon to do as he pleased with me. At eleven I was pregnant with his child and I was put under the stairs. The people under the stairs nursed me until my daughter was born. at twelve I escaped while father sent food down to us but I couldn't take my daughter. I tried to tell people what happened but no one took me seriously and I was put into an institution where I was adopted at thirteen by Carolina Richards."_

_"Truly heartbreaking and disturbing but how do you know that this boy is your grandson?"_

_"Well I was skeptical at first but I went to see him and ran into another person under the stairs named Headbanger and she told me who his mother was and I had some blood-tests done."_

_"What are you going to do now that you know that this boy is you're grandson?"_

_"I'm going to attempt to get him realised to me."_

_"Won't that be difficult?"_

_"It has to be done."_

Roach didn't want to hear another word. She made him sick to his stomach. They didn't listen? Why didn't she press harder?! Why not tell the rest of them how to escape?! Why!? She didn't deserve Messenger in his opinion. He turned off the TV, not wanting to hear another word. He needed something to do and he decided to be nice and try his hand at making breakfast. He had never cooked for himself before but how hard could it be? He quietly made his way to the kitchen barely registering the shower being on. He decided to make all the things he thought were great and put it all on a stick. Everything was easier to eat off of a stick and you didn't have to worry about loosing silverware. He did what h saw his mother do and broke some eggs on the pan, a couple of them broke but he did his best to pick the shells out of the eggs and hoped no one would notice. He over cooked them a bit but he figured he did pretty good on his first try and if he did mess up he was a boy anyway, boys didn't cook. He figured that was true because he had never seen his father or Daddy cook or clean so he considered it women's work. Nest he cooked some bacon to the best of his ability. He didn't understand why the bacon or the eggs needed cooking, he preferred both raw but cooked them anyway for his family. Next he took some Bran flakes and molded them into cubes before baking them. His mother used to do that when he was little and she could only make orderves, fun little finger foods for all occasions. Also according to Roach there always had to be some sort of bread product but he couldn't make toast. He was afraid of the toaster since Mommy crammed his hand in it and burned his hand at both sides when she had caught him taking a piece of toast. He still had a scar from that horrible ordeal. His father came down the stairs to get some breakfast just as Roach was putting everything on skewers. David Sr. was still half asleep but the breakfast that was put in front of him. Well, it wasn't the first time his wife had gotten creative with the morning meal but she hadn't been this creative since the first half of their marriage. He looked up and expected to see his wife loading seven plates with food but was shocked to find his son the one setting every one's place.

"David Jr.?"asked David Sr. still tired and dreading work

"Huh?" said Roach startled and his voice breaking

"Did you do this?" Roach nodded and poured everyone orange juice  
"Why?"

_"Mother works hard and I'm making things easier on her."_ wrote Roach after taking a bit of time to find his almost full tiny notebook. He'd need to get another one soon.

"Well, that was nice of ya, boy." said David Sr. not knowing that his son could cook. Actually when he thought about it he didn't really know too much about his first born. He took a bite of egg and his eyes widened, his son couldn't cook. He ate it and pretended to like it, no need to hurt his son's feelings. Amanda came downstairs quickly sloppily dressed with curlers still in her hair muttering something about over sleeping and cold cereal. She didn't even notice the meal that was placed o the table as she went to the cupboard for the cereal boxes. Roach looked a bit depressed that his mother would rather eat cold cereal that the meal he had worked hard and burned himself making for his family. David Sr. noticed

"Honey, no need to make breakfast, you've been relieved of your breakfast makin' duties." said David Sr. who realized that his wife didn't notice the food in her frenzy

"David, you made breakfast?" asked Amanda. She was surprised because the work in their house was pretty gender divided. It was OK to them though because they weren't particularly sexist, it was just how things ended up with them still being in school and David Sr. still having a job that he had since before he knocked her up.

"Nope."

"Donna?"

"She's still asleep, could ya wake please hun? I'm kinda eatin' here."

"Sure but who made this? Morgan sleeps 'till noon if left unabated, Trysta maybe but I see bacon and she won't touch raw meat, and Dot already tried to make her own breakfast once. Remember?" said Amanda motioning to the scorch marks above, around, and on the oven,

"She learned her lesson and we have five children again Mandy, not four."

"Don't call me Mandy, David. No one's called me Mandy since middle school and you mean to tell me that David Jr. made this?"

"Sure as sure gets." said David Sr. as Roach nodded in agreement while displaying his slightly burnt hands wrapped in brightly colored band-aids

"Why thank you Davey, you did good." said Amanda before taking a bite of egg and gagging. Roach by force of habit searched the compliment for any of the cold malice that Mommy's compliment's of 'good boy' were always laced with. He found none and smiled but then was internally horrified at the realization that he was comparing his own kind, sweet, and wonderful mother to the monster that was Mommy. No one noticed the look of horror that crossed his face because the rest of the Cullen children began to file into the kitchen and at their seats on by one. David Sr. hoped that they didn't insult this meal as they had so many before because his wife could take criticism, she had been getting it from her children since the day Donna was born but criticizing their oldest brother was in David Sr.'s opinion putting stress on a structure that wasn't up to code in the first place. Amanda came to the rescue though and told everyone that their oldest brother had made the meal and most of them held their tongue and choked it down. Most. Morgan complained and whined more than ever before. Roach didn't take it too hard though, most of his family seemed to like it and Roach got the feeling that Morgan didn't like him very much. Morgan on the other hand was getting death glares from both of his parents so powerful that he swore they could make him spontaneously combust and he was getting kicked by Dottie, Trysta, and even Donna but not as much under the table. After the meal Morgan was sent to his room to await a talking too by his mother and his father when he came home from work. Morgan was so mad at his brother right then that he wished that he had never come back Morgan knew that thoughts like that were wrong and selfish but he liked being the center of attention and the first born boy. He would never tell anyone though, it would just land him in even worse trouble and make him a pariah amongst his siblings and members of the community. His parents only liked David because he was so good Morgan decided. He never got in trouble because he followed his parents orders to the letter. Then Morgan had another thought, what if David wasn't so good? What if he did bad things, not torch the house bad but shred the electric bill bad. Morgan began to look around his messy room for a notebook and found one under his stack of Playboy's no one knew he had. He began to write down some ideas of things to do and blame his brother for. While this was going on Trysta went to get the mail and aside from three overdue bills and a note saying 'we break thumbs' she saw a very heavy, very big brown envelope with a official seal from the state court system. she handed the pile to her mother as David Sr. got himself a cup of coffee and left. She and Roach decided to go on another video-game binge as Dottie sat on the couch and watched, she was still a bit woozy from the tetanus shot the previous day. Donna began to rift through the pile and opened the envelope, it was about the trial. Amanda looked through it too, it had the date of the first hearing as well as some days when he had to meet with the court physiologist to determine if he was fit to take the stand. They were also asking that a tape be made of him for showing during the trial to the jury. This overwhelmed Amanda who had to sit down. She was dreading this trial so much but she knew that it had to happen. She wanted justice to be done, who wouldn't? She wanted nothing more than to see the Robeson's strapped into Old Sparky and lit up like Christmas trees but she didn't want to have to put her son through the pain of testifying. He shouldn't be forced to talk about it in her opinion. He shouldn't be forced to relive the abuse again on the stand and she was going to do everything in her power to keep him from having to go through that. She also didn't want to know. She waited to know but in a way she wanted to let sleeping dogs lie. She knew her son had suffered horrific abuse, she couldn't take on look at his scared body without being reminded of her mistake. Her son might have even been raped, the signs were there. The fact that he didn't like to be touched, the obsessive bathing, and the fact that he got weird and slightly freaked out when Dottie had offered him a Popsicle. She should have been watching her children better that day, or better yet not taken them out that day at all. She was still choked with guilt as she remembered the fact that it was her that wanted to get some fresh air, her children had wanted to watch cartoons. She was five months pregnant at the time and twenty years old. She was young and stubborn and should have listened to everyone when they told her to stay inside because she wouldn't be able to handle her children but she didn't listen and look what happened. She vaguely registered Dona asking if she could be the one to make the video and Amanda nodded still drowning in her own personal torment.

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Alice loved taking pictures. She began taking pictures almost as soon as she was ready for the day, she just had to find the matching pink sun-hat that went with the pink baby-doll dress she was wearing. She took pictures of her room, the hallway outside of her room, the door to Debbie's room since she wasn't allowed in there, the hall closet, and her parent's room. She needed to take pictures of everything, to document every moment of freedom so she wouldn't forget. she wished that she could have taken pictures of the carnival, she needed to remember in keen detail and not the imperfect ones laced with happiness in her mind. Plus she'd need to show them to Roach as she told all about her day yesterday emitting nothing. she wondered if Roach ever had days like that with his father. Before yesterday she wasn't all that sure about her father but now she trusted him. She mainly trusted him because there had been no punishment. Not when she got ketchup on her dress, not when she tore her dress, not when she laughed loudly on the merry-go-round, not even when she fell down as the world around spun wildly. He didn't seem angry at all, he didn't even tell her that children were to be seen not heard, he didn't even poke her with a pin for being lazy when she fell asleep. On the contrary, he seemed happy that she was happy and that made her even happier. She went downstairs and took a picture of breakfast and then one of each of her parents and her sister. Her mother wouldn't let Alice photograph her from the left though, Alice though it was strange but didn't question it. She didn't do much questioning about things in the outside world, she just-what was the expression? Oh yes, she just went with the flow. After breakfast she got the mail and didn't give too much thought to the heavy brown envelope and didn't notice the worried glances her parents exchanged. She went to look for some shoes to wear, her mother had work that day and her father worked almost everyday so she was going to Roach's house that day. She was so happy at that thought, yesterday had been good and all but she still missed him. She missed Fool too and wondered if they could see him again, they knew where he lived after all. While Alice was looking for her hat and shoes Mary-Ann and Ronald were having their own crisis because of a certain set of letters and instructions sent by the court system of New Jersey. They didn't want to traumatize their daughter further by putting her on the stand and making her relive the abuse on the stand in front of the entire court. Ronald and Mary-Ann almost didn't want to know what had happened to their daughter, the knew that she had been both mentally and physically abused but they didn't know the extent. They knew that it went beyond a spanking or a slap on the wrist but it was nowhere near the extent that the Cullen boy had gone through. Her arms and legs were only a bit scared while the scars on him criss-crossed him like spiderwebs. They weren't too wild about following their daughter around with a video camera either but decided to dwell on this later as they had busy lives, it took a lot of work to keep their lifestyle up. Mary-Ann got to the door and was about to call her youngest daughter but was surprised to see Alice fully dressed with a camera around her neck. Mary-Ann lead her to the car and began to drive, she didn't quite want to bring up the subject of the trial and she just listened to her daughter chatter on about the precious day. Mary-Ann felt a bit jealous that her daughter had become so close to her husband and not her. She decided to take her daughter somewhere they would both enjoy, like a spa. Well, she might just enjoy the spa but then again what women or teenage girl didn't enjoy a good spa day. She dropped her daughter off by the curb, she no longer had to walk her daughter up to the door and felt a bit depressed as she realized that her daughter had and still was growing up.

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Ruby Williams-Murphy stirred the oatmeal sadly. She still missed Leroy even though she didn't know him for that long. He was nice to her, true he could get violent but he was willing to risk his life to steal gold coins so that she and her family didn't get evicted and he seemed to generally care about her. She was under a lot of stress, her mother was ever so slowly feeling better but was still sick and on medicine, one of her children had lice, Fool would be starting school soon, Grandpa Booker was moving in to her already cramped apartment, and she had to look for a job. Their mother used to be a nurse before she got sick but then her biological father killed a man and was in for twenty five to life and their building got under the management of the Robeson's who hiked the rent up so far her mother could barely pay it and the building slowly became a crack house as the truly poor couldn't afford to live there and no one in their right mind would move in. She sighed as she filled a bowl with some watery oatmeal and brought it to her mother who was still bedridden but looking in the classifieds for a job. She didn't exactly like the way they came by the money for this new place to live and feared for her son's safety since he acquired their new found wealth by illegal means. She had seen so many go that route and wanted Fool to have the best possible life.

"Mama, you shouldn't be exertin' yourself."  
"Don't you tell me what ta do, Ruby. I may be sick but I'm still your mama."

"I jus mean that you gotta rest and get bettah if you evuh wanna work again."

"Bettah me workin' then Fool or you hun."

"I ken work mama, I'm almost eighteen."

"Yer education is important Ruby, ya know that and Fool gotta think about school too. He still wanna be a doctuh?"

"Yeah mama but I ain't been ta school in foreveuh."  
"Hun, I can't think about this right now, I jus gotta rest fer a little bit."

"'Kay Mama." said Ruby taking the now empty bowl and washing it in the sink. She was happy that her mother was getting better but worried about her finding out about Fool and the rest of the kids stealing from stores and her turning tricks on the strip. She put a couple more bowls of oatmeal out as her daughters Tanya and Rochelle got up. Fool got up a bit later and got the mail. t was mostly medical bills, mail from people wanting to know what happened while he was in the house, and there was one big brown envelope. He took it upstairs and opened it himself at the kitchen table. It was full of court dates and it said he'd have to meet with the court physicologist to see if he was mentally fit to take the stand. He was worried about taking the stand, he wondered if it counted as stealing even though Roach had given him the gold coins. Roach had given them to him but they weren't his to give. He handed it to a very stressed out Ruby who really didn't need it and decided to wait a moment before telling their mother. She sent the kids with a neighbor she trusted and told Fool to go to his friend's house while she went job hunting. Their mother could be on her own for a few hours, it wasn't as bad as before. Fool decided to see Roach, he wanted to see Alice but he was sure that that was where she would be. Fool retraced his steps and found himself back at Roach's house, he was thankful for his great sense of direction. He rang the bell and waited for someone to open the door. He expected Roach to pull him in but was surprised to see a timid Alice slightly opening the door.

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Eloise Richard's Robeson was pulling an all-nighter. She wanted to see if she could get custody of Messenger any faster. Technically it wasn't custody since he was twenty-six, it was more of him getting released to her home. Carolina was worried for her daughter, this wasn't healthy. The all-nighters she pulled in law-school helped prepare her for this all-nighter but it was the obsession that worried her most of all. Her daughter had been eating, sleeping, and breathing her quest for custody for the past two weeks. She was prepared to do anything and it worried Carolina. She always knew that Eloise was an unstable person, when she first came to her home she was weary of her husband and sons, couldn't go near the vent or cellar and carried a baby doll around with her to fill the void left by losing her own child. They tried desperately to alert the police but they didn't take the claims of a disturbed girl seriously and the Robeson's were a respected family and everyone knew that it would be suicide to tangle with them. That was when the rumors were beginning to be seen as truth and people started crossing the street to avoid that house. She remembered a boy named Theodore Booker who always made a show of avoiding that house even before her daughter came to be with her.  
"Ellie dearest, please get some sleep."

"Mother I can't, I just can't!"

"Will killing yourself bring him any closer to being here?" asked Carolina who also wanted her great grandson no matter how disturbed to be able to have a good life and stay at her house

"No but-Well-I just can't!"

"Alright Ellie, I'll bring you up some coffee and a piece of white toast."  
"Thanks mom." said Eloise as she went over the same document for the tenth time. She couldn't stop, never ever stop. Well, maybe for a few moments. Thoughts Eloise as she fell asleep on the pile of mail her mother had brought in when she came in. She sighed in content as her head rested on a certain brown envelope.

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Please review! Now it's getting good! Hooray for plot thickening!


	18. Desperate measures are called for

Disclaimer: You know how it goes

Alice was bored. She wanted to play with Roach but he was busy playing his little sister for the title 'Champion of the Known Universe' or something. Alice didn't really understand but went along with it. How much longer could they possibly play for anyway? She sat on Roach's couch bored watching him and Trysta go head to head in Pacman She wished she had brought those socks she was knitting, she was so bored she could feel herself ageing. She even took a few pictures but then she ran out of film. She didn't really understand video-games that well. At first she had been amazed but then it turned to boredom after the first ninety minutes went by. She just couldn't understand the joy Roach or Trysta got from making a yellow half circle eat tiny white balls, the only exciting part was when the little blobs turned blue and the circle got to eat them. The hunters became the hunted. It reminded her of Roach and Daddy almost.

"You can play winner, 'Kay?" said Trysta noticing Alice's boredom. She could just let her brother win but she liked having him in such close proximity. Roach on the other hand both wanted to spend time with Alice but knew that his sister liked to play this game and she didn't spend to much time with other people. Plus he liked this game too, it was no 'Donkey Kong' or 'Space Invaders' but it was still pretty good in his opinion

"Alright." said Alice pretending to be interested and glancing at the clock on the VCR. There was a knock at the door and Roach got up to see who it was. He hoped it was Fool, he missed him.

"If you get up you forfeit and I'm 'Champion of the Known Universe.'" said Trysta eyes still trained on the screen. Roach looked conflicted for a moment, he wanted to see who was at the door but he didn't want to lose to a ten years old. He was saved though when Alice got up and made her way to the door. She opened it timidly, not quite used to door opening even after being free for what was going on three weeks, and was beyond happy. Fool was standing there looking tired and Alice just looked at him, the feeling was coming back and she looked down. She wondered if she'd get this feeling around every boy she met. Fool was a bit confused as to why Alice was acting like this but didn't think too much on it, she was a bit strange in his opinion.

"So...um...Alice, can I come in or am I just gonna have to stay here and bake out in the sun?" said Fool as Alice nodded and opened the door. She lead Fool over to where everyone was.

"Foo!" Roach cried out happily but then cursed a string of curses as he lost. Trysta jumped up with joy but the she noticed Fool.

"Hey, I've seen you! You were here before. You're David's friend right?"

"David?" asked Fool, he didn't know any Davids but then he remembered that that was Roach's name and nodded

"Thas muh nem.(That's my name.)" said Roach who couldn't believe that Fool had forgotten his real name. He remembered Fool's real name but then again there were a lot of Davids but not a lot of Poindexters.

"Are you guys done?" asked Alice almost hopefully. She wanted to tell Roach all about her time at the carnival and she now wanted to tell Fool too and hoped that they didn't play for any longer.

"Yeah, I kicked his a-" started Trysta as Amanda stuck her head out of the kitchen door. She looked stressed and was covered in flour and eggs

"Trystal River Cullen I know that beginning of a swear word when I hear one!" said Amanda. Alice and Roach both expected fear to envelope Trysta and her to start stuttering out an apology as they had done so many times in the past but were amazed as Trysta gave a half hearted 'whatever'. After Amanda ducked her head back into the kitchen not noticing Fool and continued to cook. Cooking was like her Valium, she could get into what she was doing and not remember any of the problems and stresses of her life.

"Speak no evil." whispered Alice quietly to Trysta as Roach stuck out his tongue and mimed cutting. Trysta told Alice that she cursed all the time and begged Roach to close his mouth, it was a bit disturbing to her. She had a sudden realization when he closed his mouth, when they were playing she had forgotten about him. She had forgotten her feelings and she had forgotten the fact that he was mute. She briefly wondered if that was what happened to Alice when she was with him. She had completely and totally stopped being nervous around him.

"Noo gehmuh? (New game?)" asked Roach. Trysta took a few seconds but then got what he said and told him that She had to play Alice since she was the winner. Alice didn't really want to play, it looked boring and complicated. She sat on her knees next to Trysta who was laying on her stomach. Amanda came to her rescue too and told Trysta not to start a new game. Amanda stopped them for two reasons; one all of those video-games couldn't have possibly been good for them and two she really wanted to be alone and think this whole thing over.

"Then what do we do?" asked Trysta defiantly

"Play outside."

'"There's a bee out there." said Trysta matter-of-factly

"So avoid it."

"It's hot out today." Said Trysta in a pleading voice

"It's long pants weather." said Amanda crossing her arms. Alice and Roach sat down watching with interest. Watching siblings blatantly defy their parents had become commonplace and still worrying but a bit entertaining in a morbid sort of way.

"Uhh...David gets scared. Um...I am outside!" Roach chuckled at that last one and Trysta began to struggle to think for another excuse. He was afraid of the outside but he thought that he could ignore it to obey his mother. He had to ignore it to obey his mother because he had to obey his mother no matter what. That was what good boys did, obey. And he was going to be a very good boy even though deep down he was a very bad boy.

"Can I go outside?" yelled Morgan from his room

"Are you ready to be a civil human being to your brother?" asked Amanda after a few moments Morgan said no and Amanda ushered them outside still not noticing Fool.

"No."

"What's goin' on?" asked Dottie covered from head to toe in pink glitter and ribbons. Amanda didn't even want to ask, she just wanted her children out of the house so she could think about this. Well most of her children, Morgan was still grounded

"Dottie honey, go with your brother, OK?" asked Amanda. Dottie nodded and put some shoes on. Ever so slowly everyone else complied, some with more difficulty than others. They milled around the front yard for a few minutes, Alice chattering on about the previous day until a very annoyed Donna came out of the house while tinkering with an early eighties video camera.

"C'mon people, we're goin' to the movies! Mom says so and don't worry I searched your rooms and got your life savings!" said Donna holding up various money banks and a wad of bills around a rubber band

"You did what now?" asked a shocked Trysta

"Huh!" asked Roach who had quite a substantial amount of money hidden in his Cockroach jar from back allowance, Christmases, and birthdays from his parents and didn't want anybody touching it

"Yeah I went through you guys' person stuff, so sue me. Oh and Dave, you gotta find a better place for your money, roaches 'll each anything you know." said Donna not noticing Fool or Alice until they got into the cramped wood-paneled station-wagon

"What are you guys doin' here?" asked Donna

"M-My mother sent me here." said Alice quietly. Half from her natural timidness and half from her nervousness because she was squished between Fool and Roach

"And you?" this was directed at Fool

"Felt like visitin'." said Fool simply as he tried to make himself comfortable, he was squished between Alice and Dottie in the middle.

"Whatever. David, you're gonna be responsible for your friends or they stay." Roach made an OK sign with his fingers. He was both nervous about being outside but he was excited about going to the movies, he hadn't been in ten years and couldn't even remember the last time he had been to the movies. He knew that Alice would like it, she liked movies. Well, she liked boring movies in Roach's opinion. Love movies were extremely boring in his opinion but he'd sit through them for her, he'd do anything for her. The drive went surprisingly well if not a bit cramped. Alice went on and on about the previous day and Roach was amazed that she got motion sick on a merry-go-round but then again Alice was fragile. When they got there they had a half hour fight about the movie so they ended up seeing 'The Addams Family' since it was the only thing playing. Donna had paid for the tickets with every one's money, Alice got quite the substantial allowance and Roach convinced Fool to let him pay for him at the threat of him sticking his tongue out. More money and a list of what to get from the concession stand was thrown at Donna who said that if they didn't behave they'd go back home so fast their heads would spin. Alice clung to Roach weary of new places. Roach was a bit weary too but he didn't show it as Trysta lead them where they needed to go and they sat down. Dottie in the aisle, Trysta next to Dottie, Roach next to Trysta, and Alice between Roach and Fool. Alice wondered why people came here to watch movies, you could see movies for free on television but she didn't question it too much, they world was a strange place in her opinion.

"Diz gohuh be fuh. (This gonna be fun.)" whispered Roach to Alice. Alice was tempted to tell Roach that he was skipping words again but thought against it, Roach could do whatever he wanted. Roach told her that people came here because the movies were shown in theaters first and then on TV and also it was darker than a living room and there was popcorn and nachos. Donna came back carring four extra large buckets of popcorn, four extra large drinks, one icee, and two nachos. She passed everything down and the movie started. Alice was a bit startled by the darkness but she held lightly onto Roach's arm and felt better. He didn't notice and if he did he didn't notice, he was busy pouring nacho cheese onto popcorn.

"David, that's disgusting!" whispered Donna as several people shushed her loudly. Roach stuck out his tongue stump just to be a jerk but it lost some effect because it was dark. Alice sat back and watched the movie. Roach was right, it was better than television. She liked this movie very much, it was funny in her opinion. So was the TV series which she and Roach watched a marathon of once. She especially liked Wednesday, she was so funny! She reminded Alice of Dottie only in a black dress. She loved the part when she put her brother and the electric chair and said that they were playing 'is there a God?' She laughed a particularly disturbing laugh at that, Roach too only more so. They got a few looks but people went back to the movie. She looked around a bit, not a lot of people in the theater and those that were there were either watching or doing other things, things Alice didn't know could be done in public. She supposed it was OK because it was dark and went back to the movie.

"Huh!" whispered Alice startled. There had been a particularly scary scene that made her practically jump out of her skin, most of the people she was with too, not Roach or Fool though. She supposed it was because they were boys and boys weren't as afraid as girls. Now being scared didn't surprise her that much, she was used to fear and it was oddly comforting but it was what she did in that fear that surprised her. In her fear she had reached out and grabbed both Fool and Roach's hands. They both turned and looked at her and she let go of both their hands quickly, they considered it normal Alice behavior and didn't thing much of it. Roach rubbed her back for a few moments which wasn't the best idea since his hands were covered in butter and nacho cheese. Alice wiped her hand on her dress and began to eat her popcorn nonchalantly but noticed that for some odd reason Trysta was glaring at her.

"Floozy." Muttered Trysta so quietly only Dot could hear her.

"Hey!" said Dottie as she elbowed Trysta in the ribs. Couldn't a person watch a movie in peace without being insulted for no good reason?!

"I wasn't talking about you, Speck!"

"Oh yeah, then who?!" whispered Dottie loudly as Donna shushed them. Donna liked this place an didn't want to get banned like they were from the multiplex by their house.

"Sorry, sheesh!" muttered Trysta who didn't even know she had muttered that out loud. Sometimes she thought out loud and it got her into trouble sometimes. Alice was a floozy though in her opinion. She grabbed both of their hands, Trysta would have just grabbed the hand of the one she liked. She began to watch the movie half heartedly. Movie remakes of old TV shows weren't really her cup of tea. After the movie was over they all went back tot heir house, Alice blushing and Roach covered in nacho cheese and going over the finer points of the movie with Fool and Dottie. Everyone grimaced as Roach wiped the cheese off of himself with his shirt and he didn't really know why, it wasn't a particularly nice shirt. It didn't have a collar or buttons and the picture on the front was even faded.

"When we get home you change your shirt. Got it?" said Donna as she went to drop Fool off at his home. Roach was a bit depressed to see his friends go but took solace in the fact that he'd probably see Alice again tomorrow. When they got home a three course lunch was on the table and a very exhausted looking Amanda was sleeping on the couch. She had decided that it would be best to break it to her son later the night that he'd have to testify against the monsters that had made his life hell scarred him in every way a person could be scarred. They ate and after that Trysta decided that she'd tell him. She couldn't live like this anymore, constantly wondering what the other person was thinking about her, wanting to be near someone so bad that it consumed her thoughts when she least suspected it, she though she was going to lose her mind if she didn't get some closer on the subject. Now anyone with a brain could see that this was a bad idea but Trysta was ten ad she did think that she was in love, even if it was with her brother. After lunch the table was cleared Roach went up to his room and Trysta followed, a bit nervous about what she was going to do.

'**Maybe I should just ask him? Or maybe I should beat around the bush for a few minutes? Or maybe I should just wait for him to bring it up.' **Thought Trysta as she knocked on his door. Some record was playing in the background, she didn't really notice. She just stood there paralyzed with nervousness until he made a 'come in' motion and she sat on his bed. She decided to beat around the bush for a bit.

"So…uhhh, what're you doin'?" asked Trysta as Roach pointed to some leftover popcorn in his cockroach jar

"So, uhh….you like the Addams Family?" Roach made a so-so motion with his hands and sat next to Trysta. He could tell that something was on her mind but he didn't know what. Trysta was beginning to have her doubts about telling him. This wasn't going as smoothly as planned.

"So, you know what a hurts donit is?" asked Trysta. Roach nodded and punched her lightly on the arm.

"Hurs, doh ih? (Hurts, don't it?)"

"How about a wet Willy?" said Trysta as Roach licked his finger and stuck it in her ear. Trysta was beginning to forget what she had came in there for. She was just his sister and he her brother for that moment in time, nothing more, nothing less. Roach had an idea, Donna had done this to him once and he fell for it. He supposed that it was alright since it wasn't in bad spirits.

"_Want me to tell your fortune?" _wrote Roach, Trysta nodded

"_You're gonna be rich! Here's the mansion." _Wrote Roach pointing to a spot on the left side of her hand

"_Here's the tennis court." _Wrote Roach pointing to the right side of her hand

"_And here's the swimming pool." _And with that Roach spat in the center of her hand like Donna did for him all those years ago. He laughed and so did she, it wasn't that funny but Trysta couldn't stop

'**I will never, ever wash this hand again for as long as I live.' **Thought Trysta as she blushed and he stopped laughing. She decided for once in her life to throw caution to the wind, she was done being the quiet, faded into the background pessimistic twin child, she was going to do something impulsive for once in her ten years of life.

"Hey David, you ever kiss anyone?" asked Trysta. Roach's eyes widened and his jaw dropped, what was it with girls and asking him extremely personal questions?! He never asked personal questions so why would everyone else? He nodded assuming that it was childish curiosity that fueled that question. After all, what more could he expect.

"Well, I've never." Said Trysta still very nervous. Roach could understand why she'd be nervous; this was a very personal conversation.

"_Well, you're still very young."_

"I'm not that young you know; I'll be eleven in November."

"_11 is still young."_

"Not as young as you think. Anyway, I was wondering if you'd umm…" trailed Trysta as she turned beet red

"Hmm?" asked Roach curious to know what his sister was so nervous about

"D-do you like me?" asked Trysta quietly. Roach nodded, why wouldn't he like her. Did he do something mean that he wasn't even aware of? The social rules might have changed since he was gone.

"_Why would I play videogames or be with you if I didn't like you. You're a nice kid, Trysta." _Wrote Roach not knowing what she meant.

"Would-you-kiss-me?" said Trysta so quickly it all ran together. It took Roach a moment to understand her but when he did he kissed her forehead as brothers and sisters did. He didn't know what she was getting so nervous about, Donna kissed him like that all the time

"N-no, I meant…" Trysta tried but she couldn't get the words out and Roach cocked his head to the side in a 'what?' fashion. He couldn't think of any other way that brothers and sisters could kiss each other. "Any other way would have been the way he kissed Alice, on the lips and cheek and that wasn't what brothers and sisters did. Anything else would have been what Roach had denounced long ago when he heard that Mommy and Daddy were brother and sister

"Well…umm…" said Trysta but then she decided that this was getting her nowhere so she decided to show him. She closed her eyes and turned her head toward his. Alarm bells went off in Roach's head as he gently pushed her back. She looked crushed

"J-just for pr-pr-practice." Said Trysta quietly as Roach shook his head no so fast he was getting motion sick. Practice or not Trysta was his sister, his TEN YEAR OLD sister. Roach had done some horrible things in his fifteen years of life but incest wasn't going to be one of them. Hell, he'd rather kiss Messenger, and that was saying something considering Messenger was a boy and his teeth were a rotten black.

"B-But?" said Trysta quietly. She had never felt a pain like this, not when she fell of the top bunk for the first time, not when she got that splinter stuck under her nail, not even when Dottie was born and her birthday was forgotten. It was like someone had taken her heart out and ripped it in two before stomping on it. Was this what she had been doing to Milo for all those years?

"Nuhuh." Said Roach adamantly as he crossed his arms. He would have left but it was his room and he didn't like people to be alone in his room except for Alice. He began to feel bad about the way he had rejected her but he decided that it was for the greater good. Besides, he was in love with Alice anyway.

"Th-then I'll just go kiss someone else then!" said Trysta. A rather manipulative plan was beginning to form in her head. Donna always said that she never accepted rejection and Trysta decided to make that philosophy her own. She was going to make him jealous or mad and then he'd kiss her. Yes, that would work! Or he'd call their mother, that would have been very bad. She's probably get hauled away to the nuthouse if her parents ever knew. Maybe she belonged there?

"Hoo?" asked Roach a bit uncomfortable that his little sister would be kissing anyone at all.

"Maybe Morgan." Said Trysta in a sly voice. She internally laughed at her brother's shocked expression and the surprised noise he made. Morgan was her twin brother, that was even worse in his opinion, and he was a bit of a jerk. Roach shook his head no forcefully. Trysta loved this game she was playing ; she could be rather cruel when she got the urge.

"Or maybe even your friend Fool, he looks like he'd be fun to kiss and like you said I'm only ten. He's what? Twelve? Thirteen? Still much closer to ten than fifteen."

"Noh Foo!" Roach didn't want Trysta to kiss Fool. He didn't have anything against Fool, he was a nice guy and he owed him his life but Fool was his thirteen year old best friend next to Alice. He wasn't all too comfortable with the idea of anyone kissing his sister to be perfectly honest.

"Yes! I'll go put some shoes on and walk down to his apartment complex and then I'll-"Trysta didn't get to finish. She didn't get to finish because suddenly and without warning a pair of lips crashed onto hers' and as quick as they came they pulled back. She didn't even have time to close her eyes it went by so quickly. After he pulled back he didn't blush but looked down. She decided that that was a good time to leave and she did, still thinking about her first kiss. The more she thought about it the more it seemed kinda wrong to her. It seemed very wrong to Roach as he clutched his stomach. As soon as he finished he began to feel sick to his stomach. He couldn't believe that he had just kissed his own sister. He went to the bathroom and threw up. He really needed to fix this.

Roach was feeling a bit sick to his stomach. Ok, very sick to his stomach. He had thrown up twice and was afraid to eat anything. He couldn't believe that he did that. He didn't even have a clear idea as to why he did it, alls he knew was that his sister wanted to kiss him and he held out for as long as he could. He shook his head, he'd do anything for a girl or woman, it was his weakness. Well that and several paralyzing fears and the fact that he couldn't rally speak all too clearly. Why did she even want him to kiss her? He loved her but not that much. He loved as brothers were supposed to love their sisters and not the way that he loved Alice or his father loved his mother or even how Boss loved Headbanger even though he'd never admit it. Did Trysta love him like that? If she did he couldn't blame her, he was a good looking nice guy in his opinion but still. He'd have to let her down nicely; he knew that and was dreading it because he didn't like to hurt girls' feelings. He wondered how he'd go about saying that he wasn't in love with her. It wasn't like he wasn't used to rejecting people, he'd rejected Messenger more times than he could count and he was only with Singer once before rejecting her for his own good. Scribe didn't look it but he could inflict pain if given the incentive and Roach really didn't feel like having a slow and painful death by infection. He sighed, he was used to rejecting advances of lust not love and wasn't sure about how she'd take heartbreak never having experienced it himself. He knew it hurt though, he wasn't that naïve. He had to let her down though because he had done some horrible things in his incredibly short lifetime; stealing, non-directly causing several deaths, making Messenger cry, being responsible for Alice's punishments sometimes, selling himself, and a whole lot of other things he wasn't about to go into but incest wasn't ever going to be one of them. He still had his morals few and warped they may be and they were what kept him relatively sane. Relatively. He'd have to ask his father about this, he had no choice and fathers from what he could gather were good for advice. He was going to leave out the part that it was Trysta though, he knew that he may have been gone ten years but incest and huge age gaps were still wrong.

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Trysta flopped down on her bottom bunk bed and smiled and laughed. She had never been this happy. She had had her very first kiss and she loved it! She did feel a twinge of something, like something was wrong with that but she didn't care. Besides, she was ten and what she wanted from him didn't go past kissing, handholding, and general hanging out.

"Should I tell you a secret Ulysses? Do you promise not to tell? Of course you won't, you're a frog!" asked Trysta to her pet frog she sometimes vented to. It wasn't that she didn't have any friends because she did it was because her frog was a good listener and the things she told him were things she didn't want anyone to know. She told him about the fact that she hated being the pushed away middle child, she was a middle child because even though she was Morgan's twin she was forty-five minutes older, she told him about how she used to be like Dot until she became cynical and a bit of a downer and only occasionally a child, she even told him about her crush on her brother and her jealousy of Alice.

"Trysta's gone nuts!" yelled Dottie as she came in covered from head to toe in what looked like chunks of watermelon.

"I have not you little pyromaniac!" said Trysta who had a sneaking suspicion that Dottie had gotten into Morgan's fireworks

"Than why're you talkin' to that frog?"

"Because-because I can now get out of my room!"

"It's our room! Not just yours! You've been so weird since you started liking David."

"How do you-" asked Trysta in a small voice. Was it really that obvious? Did Dottie try her hand at reading using the diary she kept but barely ever wrote in?

"You talk to that frog so much you don't even know who's in that room. Now if you'll excuse me your royal highness I only came here to get my rain poncho, me and David are gonna go blow up watermelons in the backyard. He hasn't said if he's gonna blow 'em up with me or not but as soon as he comes out of the bathroom I'm gonna ask him. I'd ask you but you don't like to do that kinda stuff no more since you grew up. Well, that's what Donna and Mom say anyways, Dad says that you never liked that kinda stuff and only did it for attention." And with that Dottie left and Trysta once again began to drown in an odd euphoria.

"My first kiss." Whispered Trysta very quietly. She began to say it louder and louder into her pillow until she was practically screaming and Morgan banged on the wall for her to shut up. He said something about revenge and blackmail but Trysta didn't care. She fell asleep like that still thinking of her first kiss.

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How was Morgan supposed to work while his sister was screaming in her room like a maniac? He could concentrate and he needed all the focus he could get, this was hard work he did. He was brainstorming idea's to get hi older brother in trouble. Morgan's theory was that he'd be the number one boy child again if he proved to behave better than all of his other siblings. Well that wouldn't be too hard, Donna snuck out, Trysta was just acting crazy as of late, and sometimes Dottie acted like se was dropped here from Mars or something. He wasn't going to behave better, that would have been hard and time consuming and not nearly as fun as framing people. His first obstacle was David, his parents were beyond happy to have him back and he never did anything bad, just disturbing. He scratched at himself, spent all of his time with a girl without getting anything in return as far as Morgan could tell, he even slept between their parents like a little kid. Morgan thought that maybe he wouldn't be liked so much if he wasn't so good all the time; he never broke any of the rules. When his parents said jump he said 'how high?' when they said sing he said 'name that tune.' While Morgan always said why should I? He was going to make it seem like his brother was the worst child in all of creation even if it killed him, then he'd work on Dot and Donna and Trysta.

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Roach swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat as he approached his father. He knew he needed help to go about this the right way but he was weary of asking for help or even approaching his parents. Old habits died hard he supposed but he still never spoke or wrote to them without them speaking to him first. He hoped his father would ask him what so he could ask for his advice. His father gave good advice and not just on that you can't run from your problems thing but he also told Roach to use oven mits, not listen to everything Dot told him, not to go into the crawlspace under the house with the raccoons, and that bran wasn't a good toast substitute. His father finally noticed Roach's reflection in the TV screen.

"Yeah? Well c'mon spit it out." Said David Sr. who was a bit exhausted. Some kid had managed to get himself stuck in the claw machine at work all afternoon and it took four hours and two people, himself included, to get him out. It would have helped if the kid hadn't kept running back in.

"_I need your advice, please."_

"On what?" said David Sr. turning toward his son. His advice to his boy had so far been unsolicited so he was overjoyed at this turn of events. He hoped that this meant that his son was beginning to trust him since he suspected that he only share a bed with them to be with his mother.

"_Girls." _David Sr. chocked a bit as he read the piece of paper being handed to him. He was hoping that he had dodged a bullet with his first born son and the opposite sex. He assumed his son knew all that there was for a fifteen year old to know since he did spend all his time with that Alice girl and he had seen the way he'd blatantly check out hot girls.

"Oh-uh…well the thing is-Oh look, three hundred dead in bombing attack on the gulf! Can't miss that!" said David Sr. changing the subject. He didn't notice the frustrated look that crossed his son's face or the glare he was being given by his wife who was standing in the kitchen doorway.

"David, may I see you in the kitchen." Said Amanda in a forced voice. Roach began to make his way to the kitchen at the same time as his father. He was worried that he had done something wrong on accident or worse, she knew about Trysta.

"What? I'm watchin' TV, can't it wait?" said David Sr. annoyed. David Sr. knew what this was about, it was about him changing the subject. He knew that his wife would change the subject too if she were asked about the opposite sex, she did with Donna and more recently Trysta, but now she was an open book and she was pushing him to be too. Something about not screwing up their kids like they were screwed up. He didn't consider himself screwed up, just a lazy father.

"Not you Davey, you wait there. David Mathias Cullen the third I mean now!" said Amanda. Roach looked at his father as he slowly got up and then looked at his mother. He had always been told that the man was the head of the household but from the two mothers and fathers he'd seen, his own and Mommy and Daddy, it looked like the woman was in charge. He'd have to ask Donna about it later, she knew everything that there was to know about the outside world. He hoped that his parents weren't fighting again, he hated fighting but he supposed that it was normal. He was worried about his mother when his parents fought though, she might get hurt. From what he had seen over the course of his life was that men could hit women and they could hit back only it didn't do much damage since they weren't as strong. When he married Alice he was never going to hit her though, he loved her and would never do anything to hurt her. He decided to watch the TV until his mother told him to stop. She did say to wait after all.

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"If our children ask us questions we answer them!" said Amanda loudly

"Do you have any idea what he asked me? If you did you'd change the subject too!"

"Well, unless he asked if he was the abstinence child or the pull out child you answer his questions!"

"He asked me about girls!"

"So? He's at that age and frankly I don't want to be in-laws with Mary-Ann O'Dell!"

"Well, what am I supposed to say?!"

"Tell him everything you know, omit nothing!"

"That's not what you did for our girls!"

"That was different, they were too young!"

"Too young! Trysta maybe but Donna was thirteen!"

"Well-I-um….Just go!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" and with that David Sr. went back into the living room and looked around for his son. He was sure that the boy didn't leave, he always stayed put when he was told to. Little did David Sr. know that Roach had hidden himself under a blanket behind the couch. Roach didn't like arguing, it reminded him of Mommy and Daddy and how they'd argue and fight. He didn't want his parents to fight, he didn't really want anyone to fight to tell the truth. David Sr. looked around for a bit and saw his son under a blanket behind the couch. He didn't think much of the strange and sometimes bizarre things his son or any of his children did, he was used to it all by now.

"Son, I'm gonna give you the best advice I can if you'll come out from under the blanket." Said David Sr. as he tapped the top of the blanket. Roach didn't want to come out of the blanket, it was safe. He didn't have a very good idea why he felt he should be safe at that time, he knew it was because his parents were arguing but they hadn't hurt him or each other or his brothers and sisters in the three weeks he'd been home for. Roach slowly pulled the blanket up over his head and stood up. David Sr. motioned towards the couch and he sat next to his father.

"Well you see the thing about girls is-is-well you see they-uhh-Well what exactly do you need to know?" said David Sr. awkwardly. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife it was so thick. Roach took a deep breathe as he decided to word this carefully, he felt no need to tell his father exactly who this girl was.

'_There's this girl and she's in love with me but I don't love her for several reasons, several important reasons, and I made a big mistake and now she's even more in love with me and I don't know how to tell her I don't love her without hurting her feelings. Do you know how?' _wrote Roach. David Sr. was extremely happy, he was afraid he'd have to give THE TALK. That thought was extremely terrifying to David Sr. He hoped that he had dodged a bullet with David but he didn't know. From what he could gather David and the girl were raised to be eternally children and innocent.

"Son, you don't know how relieved I am!" said David Sr. as Roach cocked his head to the side

"_Why?"_

"Oh, no important reason." Said David Sr. Roach decided not to press it any further, from what he could gather people were strange on the outside.

"Son, I've heard all the rejection lines: I think we should see other people, let's be friends, I have syphilis, I no speak English, It's not you it's me, I'm married to the sea, we're too different, I'm a transvestite, we both have something in common; we like the ladies, I'm a nymphomaniac, I don't wanna kill you but I will, I have that disease where I wake up in strange places drunk. Any of those sound good too you?" Said David Sr. Roach didn't want to lie to Trysta but he could tell her it wasn't her it was him or maybe he could suggest that they could be friends.

"_I don't wan to lie but I could tell her it wasn't her it was me. Thank you for the advice, father." _Wrote Roach as he got up to go

"Your welcome son and call me dad would you. Oh and if those don't work here's six words that've always worked for me: I'm not gay, but I'll learn." Said David Sr. happy to help. He watched his son go up the stairs and had a revelation; he wasn't five years old anymore, he was a fifteen year old boy. Well, he knew that his son wasn't five anymore, he was reminded of that every morning if his son slept on his back but still. One day he was standing on a chair at the arcade in the bowling alley they lived above playing PONG and telling people that it was a bowling alley not a motel and now he was asking advice on rejecting people. He could swear that he could hear 'Cats in the Cradle' playing in the background. He was a bit curious to know who he had to reject, maybe the O'Dell girl but it looked unlikely. David Sr. had seen the two of them together and could tell that there was something more between them than friendship.

"The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon. When you comin' home? Son I don't know when but I'm sure we'll have a good time then. I know we'll have a good time then." Muttered David Sr. as he wiped his eyes and looked over at the old family portrait on the coffee table from 1981 and wondered where the years went to.

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Roach walked towards Trysta's room and just stood there for a moment until Dottie yelled at him to move or be moved. He moved and wanted to inquire as to why she was covered in grape juice and pieces of watermelon but thought against it. He wasn't sure he really wanted to know with his little sister, she was a nice kid and interesting but some of the things she did were dangerous and just plain weird even by his standards. He didn't really want to get his fingerprints all over that train wreck as the expression went. He knocked on the door and Dottie opened it dressed in different clothes carrying a hokey stick. He once again didn't want to know. He stepped in and saw Trysta by the slightly cracked mirror putting lipstick on. She noticed him and told Dottie to leave. He sat on the bed as Dottie left and he motioned for her to sit with him. She looked overjoyed.

"H-hi David, wh-what brings you here to my humble abode."

'_I think we should talk, no joke intended.' _Wrote Roach as Trysta scooted closer to him

"Talk is cheep." Said Trysta as she turned her head towards his. She had as of late become impulsive and reckless. Alarm bells once again went off in Roach's mind as he gently pushed her back. She looked confused.

'_Listen Trysta, I like you as a sister and nothing else. We're friends and we could never be together for several reasons. It's not you it's me and I think we should just be friends.' _Wrote Roach. Trysta could feel the iron hard shell of her ego cracking as she realized what was happening. She was being rejected. She couldn't understand why, he kissed her, not the other way around but then again she had been rather manipulative.

"Why? Give me one good reason." Said Trysta adamantly. She, Trystal River Cullen wasn't going to be rejected, especially so soon after having her first kiss.

'_We're brother and sister.' _Ouch. That was a good reason.

"B-bet ya can't name another!"

'_I'm five years older than you.' _That was one hell of an age gap. Roach continued to write until his explanation was letter length. It was mostly 'We're brother and sister' and 'The age gap is too big.' After he was done she was practically crying right there as she told him to get out. He left feeling horrible and rotten inside but he told himself it was for the best.

Roach sat on his bed feeling terrible. He hated making people cry, he always had. This was worse than when he made Messenger cry, even worse than when he made Headbanger cry because this time he hade made his own flesh and blood sister cry. He had to make it up to her, he knew that but what was he supposed to do? He wasn't going to kiss her again, even if she cried a river of tears. He wondered if maybe he should do something nice for her, or say something nice to her. He felt bad because she didn't just start crying like Alice would, he had to see the sadness sink in as she at first cried a little than a lot than she kicked him out when he tried to comfort her. He hoped that she was feeling better, she wasn't sobbing in her room, she went downstairs so he took it as a good sign. He decided to tell her something nice, something to lift her spirits as his had been lifted before. He went down stairs to tell her, not noticing Morgan standing there buy his door with a red magic marker in hand.

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Trysta had stopped sobbing after about forty five minutes and went downstairs to get some ice-cream. She knew that Bon-Bons were traditional rebound food but they were banned from the house after Donna ate nothing but Bon-Bons after a particularly bad break up and gained ten pounds. On her way down she passed her father who looked defeated and depressed, she'd have to ask him about that later. That would have been a normal look for him three weeks prior since it was going on the anniversary of her brothers abduction but now it was strange considering the happy mood he was usually in lately but she didn't press it. She was currently drowning in depression and heartbreak as well as anger. How dare he treat her like that after her first kiss. Her first kiss was supposed to have been the greatest moment of her life and now she could even remember that pure euphoria that she had been feeling only a bit of time ago. She went down to the kitchen and took the half melted ice-cream out of the freezer not really caring about the flavor. She didn't notice the looks exchanged by her mother and Donna who was looking over things to tape over.

"Tryssie honey, what's wrong?" asked Amanda genuinely concerned for her middle daughter. Her child had been a bit of a downer but not like this. She had seen this before many times in herself, her sisters, and as of late her oldest daughter but she didn't expect this from Trysta for a few more years.

"Nothin'." Said Trysta not really wanting to talk about it. She just wanted to forget how she made a fool of herself, how she put herself on the line and that line had been cut.

"You downin' an entire box of vanilla ain't nothing." Said Donna as she picked through a box of cassettes they didn't really watch that much anymore. She was going to record her younger brother on the old video camera and needed a cassette but unfortunately they didn't have any blank ones so she had to improvise.

"I'm fine!"

"No you're not, now you aren't leaving this table until you tell me." Said Amanda inflexibly

"Fine! I made a complete idiot out of myself and my heart just got trampled on! Is that what you busy bodies wanted to know so damh badly?!" said Trysta loudly as she banged the ice-cream box hard on the table.

"I'm gonna excuse the cursing because you've been hurt but honey that's just the way these things are. You're too young to handle these things and so is the boy who hurt you. Ten to twelve year olds can't handle these sort of things, you should have known that. Besides, boys your age besides Morgan that is aren't interested in that sort of thing anyway and neither should you be. You just go and enjoy childhood, you can worry about having a love life later." And with that Amanda put the ice-cream back in the freezer and sent Trysta on her way who went to watch TV in the living room.

"Mom, you don't know the half or it." Said Donna knowingly. Trysta had confided in her about her crush and didn't take Donna's advice of not acting on it.

"What do you mean the half of it?"

"Well, you see she had a crush on an older boy."

"Like a twelve or thirteen year old? Well, I'm glad he had the sense not to pursue a relationship with her."

"Older mom, like barely fifteen."

"Fifteen!"

"Yeah, about five seven, brownish-blondish hair, pale as a ghost, mute." Said Donna. She said the last part quietly. Her mother needed to know in her opinion. If she were Trysta's mother she'd want to know too. Besides, it served her right for not listening to Donna in the first place

"Oh my god! You don't mean-"

"Either David or cousin Franklin. Poor guy, well that'll teach him to tease dogs."

"You honestly mean she had a crush on her brother!"

"Yeah, she even told her how she feels about him, that's kinda why she's crying."

"Why would she-"

"Well think about it mom, I had him for the first five years of my life but Trysta never knew him until three weeks ago. She's on the brink of puberty and how would you feel if an older guy moved into your house with the same interests as you? With the same likes and dislikes? Besides, I think she might like him because he noticed her. And you gotta admit he's not that bad looking either." Said Donna. She was right, in all the fuss with three, now four other children Trysta had been pushed to the sidelines.

"I just can't believe it. Her own brother. Her own fifteen year old brother."

"Yeah, it's pretty disturbing but look on the bright side, we know that David is messed up but not that messed up."

"Yeah, it's good that he didn't return her affections, that would have just been illegal and wrong."

"Yeah, and the biggest trouble would've come when Trysta got older and started to think about what he thinks about so in a way we're lucky it was innocent and she's just ten. But I'm not sure exactly how innocent she is, 'Dirty Dancing' is her favorite movie after all."

"No, that was before it was taped over. Now it's 'Sixteen Candles' but that's not the point. David doesn't think about that sorta thing."

"Mom, you seen the way he looks at girls? Well, the hot ones anyway. He seems to like older women though from what I've seen so I really don't think he'd be interested in Trysta, even if he was that messed up." And with that Donna went back to her room, video camera and cassette box in hand and left Amanda to her thoughts.

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'_Trysta, can we talk?' _asked Roach. Trysta who had been sitting next to their now asleep father glared at him.

"Are you gonna rip my heart out and shred it again? Or are you just gonna hurt me with you're mean but logical words." Said Trysta in an angry voice that made Roach recoil just a bit

'_Let's go somewhere private.' _And with that Roach went to the stairs and Trysta followed. She hated him. She loathed him. She despised him. She despised him more than anyone else in the world. Well, part of her still liked him but that was a microscopic part.

"What do you want, David!?" said Trysta turning away from him

'_I'm sorry if that I hurt you but you and I both know that a relationship between us would be wrong. But listen, don't cry. You'll find someone nice your own age and not a blood relative or sibling and you'll love that person so much it'll hurt. But hey, let's still be friends. Oh and Trysta, if you were a few years older and not my sister I'd consider loving you like that.' _And with that Roach kissed her on the cheek and went up to his room confident that he had done something good for once. Trysta smiled, friends. She could always use more friends.


	19. The beginning of a downward spiral

Disclaimer: See previous chapter.

Trysta was still a bit mad, who wouldn't be but if friends was all she could ask for why bother. The choking misery had given way to a torrent of emotions running the gambit from embarrassment to depression to happiness that he still liked her even if it was just as a friend. She sat sulking in her room, arms crossed staring at the wall trying to make sense of this thing called love. She was never going to put herself on the line again, letting herself dangle out there free to rejected. She was grateful that at least he did it with some sort of grace instead of just telling her he was dumping her. Was it really dumping? They weren't technically together. She sighed; all this thinking was giving her a headache. She'd get her revenge though; no one made a fool out of her. Her revenge wouldn't be something as cruel as what Morgan did to him, but it wouldn't be all to pleasant. She wasn't going to be childish and put his hand in a glass of warm water when he slept, he wet the bed on his own already. Maybe she could throw her red shirt in with his whites. That would be pretty funny. She vaguely felt bad about torturing her mute brother who had obviously been through a lot but desperate times called for desperate measures.

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"Hahaha, the perfect crime." Chuckled Morgan as he wrote curse words on the wall in big, red letters. This was perfect. His parents weren't all that big on discipline but they did get mad whenever anyone willfully did anything bad to the house. He made sure to stand on a chair to get up to his brothers height to make it look like he really did it. If this didn't work he'd go to plan 'B' as soon as he thought about plan 'B'. He ran to the stairs and looked down. He could hear his brother helping their mother by setting places at the table and filling people's drinks in the kitchen and their father was in front of the TV yelling obscenities at the news report about the Robeson's. He did that a lot. Morgan called his father to the upstairs and told him it was an emergency. David Sr. muttered something unintelligible as he made his way up the stairs.

"Someone better be diein' boy!" said David Sr. not noticing the wall

"You could say that." Said Morgan in a sly voice

"Whaddaya mean?"

"You could say that 'cause you're gonna kill David when ya see what he did!" said Morgan motioning towards the wall. David Sr. though he was going to have a heart attack at what he saw. He saw every dirty word in the English langue written on the flower wall papered wall in red permanent marker. At first he was a bit mad at his oldest son but then he saw the state of Morgan's hands and the marker that was clutched in them. Morgan noticed his father looking and stuffed the marker into his pocket.

"Son, it there any particular reason you ruined this wall or are you just crazy?" said David Sr. in a measured voice. His face was red and the veins in his neck and forehead were clearly visible

"It was David!" said Morgan in a last ditch attempt. David Sr. glared and clicked his tongue. He had done a lot of pleading to inherit this house and he didn't want it destroyed or damaged. His children on the other hand had other ideas.

"Morgan Prescott Cullen you're gonna go to your room and think about what you just told me. We're gonna discuss it later." Morgan knowing better than to anger his father any further ran to his room. He ran right into Dottie who was looking through his things.

"Where's your 'Thundercats' t-shirt? I need it!"

"For what, Crumb?"

"Don't call me crumb C-section!"

"Nutjob!"

"Nose picker!"

"Get out of here!"

"No until you give me your t-shirt because I need more cloth to level out Stump's head!"

"No way, Spotty!"

"It's Dottie and what are you so mad about?!"

"My plan didn't go so well, OK."

"Your plans never go well. I think you get it from Dad."

"Yeah, well wait 'till he sees the hunk of cheddar in the cassette player."

"I told you not to do that! Didn't you hear him say discuss!" said Dottie. Discuss usually meant some sort of punishment, rarely a spanking. Those were even rarer than regular punishments.

"It's necessary!"

"How is wrecking the only cassette player necessary?"

"It just is! You're too little to understand."

"I don't get you Morgan, I really don't. David's a nice guy so why are you trying to make mom and dad hate him?"

"B-because I was first boy until he came along!"

"Actually since he's older-"

"Just get lost!"

"You couldn't pay me to stay!" and with that Dottie left Morgan to his planning and punishment. Actual punishments used to be a rarity in the Cullen house until the events of three weeks prior, now previously ignored things like teasing and practical jokes carried heavy punishments. Well, punishments for Morgan anyway since he was the only one that shamelessly broke the rules.

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"You seem unusually happy today, David." Said Amanda as she mixed some butter in with the potatoes and Roach set everyone's place as perfectly as he could.

'_I righted a wrong and made all well again.' _Wrote Roach before returning to the task at hand

"And what wrong would that be?" asked Amanda having a good idea of what the wrong he mentioned could be

'_Something very bad.' _Wrote Roach trying not to name names or the things that had transpired through out the day

"Something bad involving a certain sister of yours." Said Amanda knowingly as Roach's expression turned to one of extreme shock. How did she know about that? Roach nodded slowly

"Well, I'm not raising any tail and flipper grandkids." Roach's eyes widened as he blinked in shock

"_I would never!" _wrote Roach trying to defend himself. He would never sleep a child, let alone his own sister and was stunned that his mother would ever consider such things about him

"That's what I like to hear, er…read." Said Amanda as she called everyone to the dinner. It was an unusually tense affair that evening as David Sr. was mad at Morgan and nervous about telling his son about the trial, Amanda was still distressed about what transpired between her son and daughter and nervous about telling her oldest son about the trial, Morgan was worried about being punished and jealous of Roach, and Trysta was still on the rebound and didn't quite know how to feel. The only calm ones were Dot and Donna who looked just a bit stressed because she couldn't find a tape to tape over. She was caught between the 1984 Olympics and the last episode of MASH. After dinner everyone went off to do their own thing and David Sr. and Amanda debated over when and how to tell him. David Sr. suggested the day before the trial and Amanda suggested right then so they'd have less worrying to do. They settled on that night like they originally planned but decided to tell him before bed. Ten o'clock couldn't have come fast enough. He was always the first one to bed, then everyone else in order of age.

"Davey, can we talk to you?" asked Amanda quietly as Roach looked through his drawers for something to wear to bed. He nodded as his father came in. They sat between him on the bed and he wondered what was wrong. He began to internally panic as several scenarios ran through his mind, most of them ending with him in pain. David Sr. decided to start.

"Son, do you know what a trial is?" asked David Sr. Roach nodded, he had seen trials on TV and they looked boring. He had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going.

"Well, you see the people that took you, the Robeson's, they can't get away with that so there's gonna be this trial." Said Amanda. Roach felt like jumping for joy, they were getting their just deserts, he hoped they'd execute them or at least try them in Texas where they almost certainly would be.

"Your gonna have to testify, you know tell the court all the things they did too you." Finished David Sr. Roach's look of bliss faded into one of extreme distress. No one could know. No one. He was trying to forget, to bury it all deep into the pit of his stomach where it could never resurface. Amanda put an arm around his shoulder and almost cried as he shrugged her hand from his shoulder. She knew that it was a bad idea to tell him, they should have looked for some sort of loophole to get him out of it. There was obviously something he didn't want them to know and they didn't want to pressure him. It was like playing catch with a lit stick of dynamite while standing in a pool of gasoline and nitroglycerin, it wasn't going to end well for anyone envolved. They attempted to comfort him but he refused to let himself be comforted. He didn't want his parents touching him, he wasn't worthy. He didn't want his parents to know what he was, what he did, what he was forced to do, what was done to him. He himself didn't want to know, he wished that a fairy would come into his room and sprinkle magic forgetting dust all over him wiping his memory of the last ten years clear out of his mind. He'd rather forget all of his life up to that point than live another day with these memories. He wanted to forget everything but Alice and maybe Headbanger. He loved Alice and wasn't quite too sure what he felt for Headbanger. He got the feeling of butterflies in his stomach and he talked excessively around her like he couldn't stop unless his mouth was sewn shut. It wasn't the intense love he felt for Alice but it was some kind of love anyway. His parents eventually left him alone for the night in his room. He didn't go to his parents bed that night or any bed at all, he took his blanket and slept under his bed where it was safe. He scooted over close to the wall, the walls were safe. Small spaces were safe. In small spaces he always knew who was there and what was around him. He needed to be safe. Even though he wasn't in Mommy and Daddy's house he needed to be safe from all around him. He didn't know why, his real parents didn't seem to want to hurt him and his siblings for the most part seemed to like/love him enough but he still had the nagging fear that wouldn't leave him not matter how hard he tried. That was how he was found that morning much to his mother's shock. He had slept past ten o'clock, he didn't want to leave his dream. His dream was his childhood, the good part. He and his family went to Graceland and Elvis came back to life, then they were in Cony Island for some reason, he didn't really care, and Alice was there and they had an amusement park wedding. It was wonderful but at the same time horrible because he would have to face his reality sooner or later. He had a late breakfast and began to pull himself up in the doorway which by this point looked like it was ready to give way. Alice came over too, no one told her yet, he didn't all out tell her but asked if she knew anything about Mommy and Daddy's trial. She didn't even know the date or anything about testifying. He didn't tell her about how she'd probably have to testify, she didn't go through as much as he did, she mostly got punished but was never under the stairs and Daddy never cut out her tongue. He hurt her but never as much as he did Roach, they but heads often but he was tolerated because children were getting harder and harder to steal.

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"Roach, are you OK?" asked Alice as she noticed Roach's pain Roach made an OK sign with his fingers. He was in pain but he was trying his best to ignore it. He had to ignore it, feeling it would do him no good. Besides, he'd rather be writhing in physical pain than the mental pain of the old memories that had resurfaced. He wished that he was never told that he'd have to tell the world about what had happened to him. He didn't even tell Alice what had happened to him and she was his best friend. The only people who knew about the things he was really, truly ashamed of were him, his journal, and who ever it was that was doing those things to him. He wasn't to ashamed of getting beaten and burned and tied up. He was ashamed of being forced to his knees for whoever wanted his semi skilled tongue, for having to switch places whenever Boss was feeling gracious, but especially for reaching his peak when his mind didn't want him to. He always felt dirty and wanted to tear at his skin, his flesh, his mind whenever his body betrayed him like that. It was the guilt of liking it even when he really just wanted it to end. No one ever needed to know how disgusting he was, how he enjoyed being forced to his knees even when his mind didn't.

"I'm worried about you, you don't look well." said Alice as she handed him a glass of water. He took it gratefully but knew deep down that a whore like him didn't deserve the kindness of this angel god had allowed to grace the earth with her presence.

"He's faking!" yelled Morgan from the top of the stairs. He was grounded to his room until further notice for what he did to the wall and was hit with the belt for attempting to further frame his brother by putting a cassette sized piece of cheese into the boom-box. Morgan didn't see what the big deal was, it never worked well anyway for as long as he could remember.

"Morgan if I have to get out of this tub you're gonna get it!" said Amanda from her bath, she felt that with all she did she deserved to relax for a few minutes

"Sorry Mom." said Morgan as he went back to his room. That one swatch from his father's belt had put the fear of God into him. David Sr. felt horrible about the hole thing but he felt that it was necessary to keep his out of control child in check

"He's not faking it." said Alice as she refilled his cup. He sat at the table and Alice risked a glance at him. She began to look at the scars that ran all over him and couldn't stop. He had to tell her when the cup was full. She blushed and

handed it to him.

"Thaysk yoo. (Thank you)." said Roach still not sure that he was worthy of this. He wasn't worthy to be around someone so beautiful, so kind, so pure, so innocent, so perfect. She was a perfect angel that didn't see or hear or speak evil and what was he? A cockroach. A roach. That was all he was, a Roach. That was all he could be, someone low, lower than slave. A roach. He didn't want to be Roach anymore, he wanted desperately to be David. David was a person while Roach was a slave. He was lower than a slave, lower than Messenger, he was a cockroach and he hated it.

"You're welcome. Roach, what's wrong? You don't look well." asked Alice. It hurt her that Roach was hurting. He was hurting on the inside and the outside, she could tell and it hurt her too. He hurt too. He hurt for her when she was hurting and now she was returning the favor. She hurt too sometimes, on the inside. He hurt for her when she was hurting on the outside and hurt for her even more when she was hurting on the inside. It made her love him even more.

_'Please stop calling me Roach. Just for this once call me David. Please, that's all I'm asking.' _Wrote Roach on the verge of tears. He just once wanted her not to call him by his under the stairs name but by the name that was given to him by his parents when he was born and still a person, not a slave, not a roach. She was a bit confused at this turn of events, he had told her to call him Roach after he escaped from under the stairs because David was a weak child while Roach was a strong, clever man. She decided not to make waves with Roach and call him whatever he wanted to be called. It was his name after all.

"OK David." said Alice as she took her hand in his hand

"Ageh. (Again)"

"David."

"Wuss mowuh. (Once more)"

"David, your name is David." by this time Roach was sobbing openly but silently. Alice put an arm around him not quite understanding what was wrong with him but comforting him anyway. in her mind he didn't need a reason anymore, he cried openly sometimes for no apparent reason but she was always there for him and he for her. They stayed like that for about twenty minutes before Roach decided to be happy for her sake and fake smiled. She could see through it like tupper-ware but she didn't draw attention to it, she knew that it wasn't best. They sat on the kitchen table, a box of cinna-bons donated to them from the local bakery between them. They talked about the movie they saw together the previous day and Roach let what happened between him and Trysta slip. Alice felt sorry for her, having her heart broken and all but then she felt something unfamiliar to her, jealousy. She loved Roach and didn't want to share him with any other girl that loved him like that either, even if it was his own sister. She felt relief when he told her how it ended but she tried not to show it. Debbie told her that it wasn't good to look desperate and she though that looking relieved that he wasn't in love with another girl looked desperate. She also didn't want to Roach to know how she felt in case he didn't feel the same way. She had her suspicions but wasn't sure and she was afraid of what would happen if he didn't feel the same way. She feared the day that their friendship would end and hoped that it never would, especially not over love. Love was supposed to be a beautiful thing, not something that ruined friendships or broke hearts.

"Hey!" said Alice as Roach took the last cinna-bon, not noticing her reach for it. He was still a bit out of it

"Huh?" asked Roach through a mouth full of cinna-bon

"I wanted that one! I love these cinna-bon things. I love them because they have cinnamon and frosting." said Alice sadly. She really liked cinnamon and frosting, they were some of the few sweet things she was allowed to have by Mommy on her birthdays or whenever she had been particularly good for a long period of time

"Du yoo sil wah ih?(Do you still want it?)asked Roach with an idea o how to make them both feel better. He could see that she was still hurting because he was hurting and he hated it

"Yes."

"Whuhee?(Why?)"

"Because I like the way the cinnamon tastes." said Alice. If she wanted to taste cinnamon he was going to give her cinnamon. He bent his face forward and pressed his lips to hers. Alice returned the kiss and was surprised as Roach opened his mouth just a bit and dragged his tongue-stump across her lips. He pulled back and she tasted the cinnamon on her lips and blushed. They both looked at the floor as he awkwardness began to fill the room. They left the kitchen as they heard Amanda leave the bathroom. They went up to Roach's and sat on his bed, both of them still blushing. Roach wondered where that had come from, he did some pretty strange things after one of his freak outs and made some pretty spontaneous decisions. They watched Roach's tiny black and white TV from his bed and eventually drifted off to slept for about an hour and Roach woke up first. He didn't wake her but he looked at her as she slept so pure inside her dreamland. He wasn't watching her in the creepy stalker way but in a loving way. He watched her chest rise and fall, her eyelids move, her lips as they smacked against each other. He watched every intake of breath, every tear she had ever shed, every dream she had ever had, every bruise and scar that had ever graced her soft, rose petal skin, everything. He hated himself sometimes, for letting those things happen to her. Sometimes he felt no better than Daddy, sometimes he felt worse. He kissed her soft, ruby red lips and feared a bit that he had woken her as she stirred. He was relived when she fell back into the bliss of sleep.

**'Goodnight my angel, my love, my precious, my Alice. May your dreams be as happy and blissful as your new life is going to be. Goodnight my love.' **and with he kissed her tenderly and smiled as she smiled a bit too and moaned his name. He left his room and made his way slowly down stairs, his journal in tow. He was going to write about this just to get this wonderful feeling he had out. he was grateful for his mother's busyness as she didn't notice him crawl under the blue tablecloth with his journal. She also didn't notice him leave the underside of the table without his journal when Alice came downstairs, a mistake he was soon going to regret as Donna came upstairs with a video-camera.

Alice woke up slowly but extremely happily, giddy even. She was so happy she was almost glowing but she couldn't for the life of her understand why.

**'Was someone just kissing me?' **thought Alice as she touched her lips. She could feel it on her lips, they were slightly wet. She was confused, she didn't usually drool in her sleep but that must have been it unless-nah! It wasn't possible. It was just a dream. She had dreamt that she and Roach were having a picnic like she had seen in a book with tall flowers and a clear blue sky. They ate and smiled and talked and he told her he loved her and she confessed her love for him and then they kissed but then something quite confusing happened, it suddenly wasn't Roach sitting next to her but Fool, and then he kissed her and told her he lover her. She did something very confusing when he told her that, she told Fool that she loved him back. Then she woke up. It was a very confusing dream but it also made her think. It made her think about Roach and Fool and how she felt about them. It had been nagging at the back of her thoughts for quite a bit of time. Did she love Roach? Fool? Or maybe both of them? Maybe she loved them both, when she was scared she reached for both of their hands, not just Roach's. She wondered if she hurt Roach's feelings when she did that but he seemed very into the movie at that time and only after she let go of Fool's hand did he notice and comfort her.

**'Why do I love them? It's so confusing!' **Maybe if she figured out why she loved them she'd be able to pick one of them. OK, She loved Roach. It felt a bit strange admitting it but it was the truth. She loved Roach because she was closer to him than any other person. He made her laugh when she was sad, scared Daddy from doing any bad damage to him, taught her about the outside world she had to learn to be a part of, and was nicer to her than any other person had ever been as far back as she could remember. He was also tall and as of late slightly muscled and she loved to trace the scars and stretch marks that covered him while he sometimes dozed off. She loved his voice too, it was almost as deep as a man's and as of late it was making a strange sound that he called breaking. She was a bit confused and worried but he explained that his voice was just getting very deep very quickly or so his father had said. She found the whole thing to be a bit strange but accepted it, the whole entire outside world was strange to her. She wondered if Fool's voice was going to break as well. Maybe hers too but maybe not since she was a girl. She had an odd feeling that maybe she shouldn't be focusing too much on the physical characteristics of Roach and Fool and decided to continue. She loved Fool. It felt even stranger admitting that she loved Fool and it almost felt like she was betraying Roach even though she didn't know if he loved her too. She loved him because he saved her. Well, Roach kept Daddy from killing her by accident or on purpose and doing other things to her, things he wouldn't elaborate on, and he was nice and fun to be around and he didn't look at Debbie the way Roach did for as long. Actually when she though about it Fool looked like he was trying not to look. Fool also kissed her without her asking but then again Roach had just kissed her without her asking too. Fool was also brave, he went into the cellar, the walls, and saved her. But then again Roach went all those places too and Roach could have escaped, he wanted too as he told her often but he was just to scared. She really couldn't blame him, it was scary out in the outside world. It was both scary and fascinating and she was very happy to be out there but she couldn't see escaping from the prison she had grown up in even though she was out. It was very strange and she knew it but she just couldn't picture escaping even when Mommy and Daddy left her alone in the house. Wait, alone was wrong because she was never truly alone. Never. There were always people in the cellar and Roach was always there with her, in the vents and behind the walls.

**'Where's Roach?' **thought Alice as she felt around the bed for him. When she realized that he wasn't there she sat up quickly and looked around the room. Panic began to set in as she saw that he was nowhere to be found but then she heard the TV on downstairs and let out a relieved sigh, he must have wanted to watch TV but didn't want to wake her. She began to climb out of bed when she caught a breath of his scent in his bedcovers. She loved it, it wasn't the same dusty, musky smell that seemed to follow him like a smog. No, this was better, it was still a bit musky but it also smelled like soap and for some odd reason aloe-vera. She brought the covers close to her and pressed her face into it, taking deep breaths of him. She was so engrossed in what she was doing that she didn't notice Dottie standing shocked in the doorway.

"What the heck are you doin'?!" asked Dottie as she stood in the door way. She had come to that particular doorway to see the job Morgan had done cleaning off the marker. He had done a decent job despite the small but noticeable patches of white paint on their floral print wall papered walls. She had assumed that this would be a very boring day since the week before school stared was always quite boring in her opinion. There was no activity, human or alien in the last week of summer since the humans were all busy doing last minute shopping and kissing summer goodbye and she had a theory that the aliens had to go back to their home planets for schooling around that time as well in their attempts to mirror human culture. Anyone could imagine her surprise when instead of just seeing a barely adequately fixed wall she saw her brother's best friend or maybe girlfriend, she didn't know which and was getting mixed messages from her number 8 ball, all snuggled up in her brothers covers looking really, really happy

"Nothing! Uhh...what are you doing?"

"Being bored, duh!What else?! Why the heck are you in his room? You guys gonna do it? What ever 'it' is." asked Dot who didn't really know what do it meant but suspected it had something to do with where babies came from, no one would tell her.

"No!" said Alice quickly. She knew what that meant and couldn't imagine why Dottie would think that she and Roach would do something like that. It didn't even sound like that much fun anyway, actually it sounded quite painful

"Then why are you in his room?"

"I-I was just leaving." said Alice as she got up to leave feeling a bit embarrassed at being caught in the act. She hoped that Roach didn't hear about this, she'd die of embarrassment if he knew. She made her way down the stairs and nearly bumped into Roach as he came out of the kitchen. They both sat by the TV, Roach looking nervous for a reason Alice didn't know. Alice looked around and was a bit surprised to see Roach's older sister Donna standing there with a video recorder like the one her father recorded her with. She didn't ask him any questions beyond what it was. He had his reasons for wanting to record her and bad girls asked a lot of questions. It still made her somewhat uncomfortable though but she tried not to show it.

"Dohuh!(Donna!)" said Roach as he realized that he was being recorded like when he was little. He didn't want to be watched or recorded right then, he was still feeling both vulnerable, ashamed, angry, and nervous.

"C'mon Dave, the camera loves you!" said Donna as she zoomed in. She took responsibility for the video recording and was determined to make it good. Besides, this was going to be good, she was taping over the last episode of MASH for this. Roach took the blanket that had been next to him and pulled it over his head. Donna swore under her breath and left the room Just as she got into the seldom used dining-room she turned around and made her way back to to living room and his in the front closet recording everything. The court said they wanted unedited observational footage and that was what she was giving to them on a non-Beta cassette.

"What was that all about, David?" asked Alice taking care to use his real name liked he had asked. He looked happy about that and shrugged his shoulders and but his lower lip. He still had trouble believing he did that, kissed her with his tongue-stump and in her sleep. He didn't know which bothered him more. He should have thought about it for more than five seconds before doing anything or better yet not done anything at all. He didn't know which she felt bothered by more either, it might have been unpleasant for her to feel his tongue-stump and she probably didn't want to be kissed in her sleep but she just looked so very kissable laying there on his bed, fast asleep with her soft silken hair framing her face. He would take the secret of him kissing her in her sleep to his grave but he needed so desperately to know how she felt about his tongue-stump kiss. He almost didn't want to know in all actuality, she might have thought it was the worst thing she had ever experienced in her life and was just hiding her disgust well as she had been taught to do. Why would she love him anyway? He was a worthless slave, a whore for whoever could overpower him, a cockroach. He was an insect, less than human and it tortured him inside. It really put some proof to that old saying 'The truth hurts.' He ever so slowly turned his head to hers. She was engrossed in the show they were watching, it was 'I Love Lucy', her second favorite next to 'the Young and the Restless' if he remembered correctly. She didn't notice him until he tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped a bit, startled at the sudden contact but relaxed when she realized it was only Roach.

"What is it, David?"

'Yoo dohuh have to caw meh Devih yoo know.(You don't have to call me David you know.)' said Roach who liked to be called David didn't want Alice to call him something she wasn't entirely comfortable or used to calling him. He always put her above him, never the other way around. It just wasn't something you did for someone you loved.

"I'll call you Roach again if that's OK." said Alice as Roach nodded. He felt his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed out of nervousness. He was going to ask her, it was now or never. If she didn't enjoy it he'd never do it again and if she did he'd do it again but he couldn't live out the remainder of his life wondering what if.

"What's the matter?" said Alice noticing his nervousness

"Dih yoo enoy dah? If yoo dihin om sowree. (Did you enjoy that? If you didn't I' sorry.)" asked Roach softly. So softly Alice could barely hear him. When she did she was confused as to what he was referring too, the kiss, the nap, or the fact that he had just turned the volume up as not to be heard by eavesdropping siblings.

"Enjoy what?" asked Alice. Roach blushed. He tried to explain to her what he meant but his voice cracked loudly and he blushed. He mimed kissing and she understood. In the closet Donna was zooming in, she planned to use the school editing room to subtitle this and she knew a lip reader so she had to get close in order to get a good shot to subtitle

"Yes, very much. And not just for the cinnamon part either." said Alice quietly. Roach pulled her close and kissed lightly and she giggled and blushed. He then tried something he saw on the TV and yawned an exaggerated yawn. As he yawned he reached both of his arms up and placed one on her shoulder. She giggled a bit and rested her head on his chest subtly took a whiff of his scent. He burried his head in her hair and took a whiff of the strawberry scent that was Alice. She didn't notice. They then turned and watched as Lucy yelled at Ethel for telling a story too many times. They were looking but neither of them were really watching. They were thinking. They were thinking thoughts about each-other, thoughts that both excited and terrified them. They though about how they had come that far, the things they had been through together, a long time ago and recently. The also thought about their second loves, for Alice Fool and for Roach Headbanger and both felt and equal amount of confusion and guilt but mostly confusion as to how they could love two people at once. Roach also grappled with feelings of unworthiness and Alice grappled with feeling she had never had before. Love and something confusing and foreign to her, she couldn't name it but it made her feel funny. As they sat there in front of the TV while Amanda Cullen made a lunch of macaroni and cheese Alice had a completely new and almost frightening thought, she wanted Roach to do more than kiss her. She wanted him to kiss her neck, her collar bone, her chest, her stomach and lower and lower while his hand went to unzip her dress. She couldn't understand why she wanted him to do this, her mother had explained to birds and the bees in the most mechanical, simple way so Alice didn't quite understand why she was thinking about this. She had the feeling that it wasn't something that was OK to ask Roach so she didn't. The rest of the day progressed a bit less than normal with no one revealing their inner turmoil or giddiness on the part of Donna who had gotten a great shot of her brother and Alice's innocent kiss. She would have considered that her money shot if she was making any off of the movie. Alice said goodbye to Roach at five o'clock as her mother came to get her. If she didn't have to leave so quickly Roach would have inquired about the hand she was placing on her stomach but she had to leave fast so her mother could get dinner going in time for her father to get him. He would have kissed her goodbye if there hadn't been so many people looking.

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Alice felt sick all through dinner but didn't show it. She had learned a long time ago never to let anyone know if she was feeling ill, it would always be met with mocking or pain. When she had told Mommy she was feeling sick she'd either be punished because good girls never got sick or laughed at for getting sick. Getting laughed at was the worst, she didn't ever want to think of something as pure as laughter as bad. She wasn't sure how her real parents would react to that, they had been kind to her so far but from what she had learned adults were unpredictable. She went to bed that night still having the odd, unexplainable stomach pain. She didn't know why her stomach would have been hurting, she didn't eat anything strange and didn't remember hurting herself. She hoped that it would be over by the morning but little did she know that she was in for the biggest shock of her life.

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Alice woke up groggily, the pain was still there only know it was worse. She'd have to ignore it like she had ignored so many in the past. She pulled her blanket back and looked down. What she saw left her speechless for a few moments. She tried to scream but a sound not unlike Roach's voice breaks was the only thing that came out of her throat. She was covered in blood. Well her legs anyway, her chest and head seemed to be fine so she didn't know what to do or why this had happened. There was not cut on her leg, it seemed to be coming from between her legs. After about a minute of staring she began to scream.

"Oh my God! I'm dying! I'm too young to die! I don't wanna die! Somebody help me! I'm bleeding to death!" Yelled Alice getting the attention of her entire family. Debbie who had been in her room at the time rushed in first and at first she was just as scared as Alice until she noticed the blood and paid attention to what she was saying. She shushed her sister and calmed her down. It was at that time that their father had decided to come into the room.

"Dad, this is more of a mom situation. Trust me on this." said Debbie. Ronald couldn't see the blood on the bed, Debbie was blocking his view thankfully but he was still pretty confused that his normally quiet, reserved daughter was freaking out this badly for a reason he could tell. He was beginning to freak-out as well

"Honey whatever this is I can handle this." said Ronald trying to take charge of the situation like a good father would but unfortunately neither he nor Mary-Ann were the parents of the year

"OK I'll lay it on you sparing nothing however gross or horrifying, Allie here just had her first period and is really tre-freaked out right now. I don't really blame her though, that's a lot of blood." said Debbie. Ronald blushed and stuttered until Mary-Ann came into the room and asked what was going on. Ronald stuttered and blushed a bit and left the room. Mary-Ann just looked at her pale and hyperventilating daughter for a moment until she saw the blood and understood.

"Oh Alice, this wonderful! You're a woman! I can't believe it honey, you're a woman!" said Mary-Ann. Debbie took this as her cue to leave. She didn't like this conversation the first time around and she didn't want to have to go through it again.

"What?" Alice didn't understand how bleeding to death could be wonderful and what did she mean by woman? Alice didn't look or feel any different aside from the blood and horrible stomach ache and she didn't look any different.

"Well you see every four to six days out of the month…" started Mary-Ann uncomfortably. The next few minutes were extremely awkward for both of them.

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Alice looked at her mother in shock. She was happy that she wasn't dieing but the whole thing just sounded revolting. She didn't know how she could deal with this every month, she felt like she was ready to die of stomach ache pain right then and there. She also felt like crying her eyes out, this was awful plain and simple. She didn't understand what her mother was so happy about, this was nothing to celebrate. Blood and pain and such horrible things were absolutely nothing to be happy about. She completely hated being a woman. Well technically she was only a woman for four to six days out of the month but that wasn't the point. Her mother helped her get cleaned up and she ate a very awkward breakfast of cornflakes. Her mother was on the phone with various relatives telling them all about it much to Alice's mortification, her father looked generally uncomfortable and wondered why he his daughters couldn't have been born boys because then he wouldn't have to deal with these things, and Debbie was laughing silently because to her this was hilarious. She was still going to the Cullen house because she wanted to and her parents didn't like to tell their children no. They only scolded but there were very few out right commands and rules. Alice had been told not to tell anyone about that and she wasn't going to anyway, it was bad enough she herself had to know about it. Before leaving Debbie pulled her aside. Now Debbie wasn't all bad or all good but she did have a bad habit of taking pleasure from the misfortunes of others. Small misfortunes like someone else losing keys or ripping a pair of expensive pants the day they got them, most of the misfortunes were courtesy of her anyway. She never took pleasure from big misfortunes like someone dieing or someone losing a credit card and having it maxed out by someone else but she considered this to be a small misfortune. Actually she considered it to be a rather mean trick that she was about to play. She felt a bit guilty for playing a trick on her trusting and naïve little sister but those thoughts were shoved hastily aside because this was just going to be too hilarious.

"Hey Alice, do you know what pregnant means?" asked Debbie as Alice was putting her shoes on

"It means when a woman is about to have a baby. Mother told me."

"Yeah, and you're a woman now aren't you?"

"Only for four to six days out of the month."

"But you can still have babies now, right?"

"Yes, that's why mother said I should be more careful now but she says I don't have to be, it's all up to me. I'd be careful like she suggested if I knew what she said to be careful about. Me and Roach would have sex, it sounds very painful for the both of us and Roach doesn't like pain too much." said Alice as she tried to tie her shoes. This was going to be too easy for Debbie, it was almost criminally easy to be exact.

"Have you and that David guy ever done anything even close to sex?"

"Like what? What do you mean by close? I thought that it was just sex, you know i and out until a baby's made." said Alice who didn't really have a good feeling about where this conversation was going. Debbie was begining to have her doubts about this, she liked a challenge and she wasn't about to tell her sister all about sex, she give tips but not the talk.

"You know what I mean, like the stuff mom and dad do when they think we're not looking."

"Well h-he kissed me a few times yesterday. He used his tongue for a little bit." Said Alice a bit worried

"Well, was this only once in the last week? Or does he do this often?" said Debbie curious about how far her sister was willing to go.

"Y-y-yes. Yesterday and last week he kissed me but it was only when we were playing for pretend."

"Oh dear! That's even worse. If you kiss a boy the day before you get your rag you could be pregnant." Said Debbie in an over acting voice

"What?" said Alice softly "Congrats lil sis, you're now carrying David Mathias Cullen the fifth or whatever weird girl name they think up for it. It might not be a very smart kid you know, The Cullen's don't seem like very smart people. Maybe that's why they couldn't think of a name for theirs first born sons besides David."

"What!"

"Yeah, didn't mom tell you?"

"B-but she t-t-told me that-"

"That was before you went on the rag."

"Are you sure about this?" said Alice not quite believing her sister. What Debbie was telling her didn't quite match up with what she was told by her mother

"Sure as sure gets."

"Really?

"Yeah."

"Really, really?"

"Yeah!"

"Really truly for real if truth be told really?"

"For the last time yes!"

"What am I gonna do? What am I gonna tell Roach?" said Alice in a panicked voice. How was Roach going to react to this? She wasn't even sure if he liked babies and her mother had said that if she ever got pregnant that the boy who was responsible for it was going to have to marry her. Did Roach want to marry her? They had discussed it and he didn't exactly say yes or no, he said that they had to think about it. What if he though about it and said no, where would she be?

"Don't tell him until your sure."

"How am I gonna know if I'm sure?" said Alice hoping that there was a chance that she wasn't pregnant

"Well, you'll start to get moody, you'll throw up in the mornings, you're gonna start to get really fat and you'll sleep a lot. But it usually takes a few weeks to show."

"A-alright Debbie. If these things don't happen I won't have Roach's baby right?"

"Yup."

"What if I do have Roach's baby?"

"Then sis, he'll either have to marry you or you'll have to raise the baby by yourself."

"Will Mama and Papa be mad?"

"Maybe for a bit but they'll help you. You've got them rapped around your finger you know. Alice wondered what she meant for a moment but her mother called her over to the car. Alice was very troubled, she didn't want to be pregnant but she might be, her sister said so herself and why would Debbie lie to her? She was so vexed that she cried. Her mother patted her on the back and said welcome to womanhood. Alice wanted to scream.

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Roach's night hadn't gone any better than the previous night. If anything it went worse. He wet the bed, well floor technically and not just any floor but the floor under his parents bed. They didn't know that he was there and he liked it that way. If they had known he was there they might have made him sleep in the bed or tried to comfort him. He didn't deserve their comfort or a spot on their bed. He didn't even deserve to walk on the same earth as them. He had caused them so much heartache and hurt when he was taken and he wasn't about to cause them anymore. He almost wished that he was back in the house, at least there he knew what he was and the only person who tried to comfort him was Alice. He didn't like all the comfort he was getting but at the same time he loved it. He felt guilty with every kind gesture or word from his mother but at the same time they warmed his broken, beaten, damaged soul. Only people deserved comfort and he wasn't a person. He was a Cockroach, a thing, the thing between the walls. He was the thing between the walls and it tore him up inside. He just wanted to be David again, he wanted to have always been David. Why did this have to happen to him? What did he ever do that was so wrong? Why did he have to be Roach, to be a slave and Messenger or Headbanger's replacement to Boss when they were busy or Boss was feeling like humiliating someone. He bit down on his tongue stump, he hated it. He bit down so hard he drew blood. He loved it. He loved knowing that he had caused pain to something he hated. He hated that it was an eternal reminder of what he did, what happened to him. He especially hated what he learned to do with it. He hated that he had learned from Messenger and general practice but most of all he hated how he was good at it. He quietly left the space under his parent's bed and made his way over to the bathroom and spat the blood out. He refused to consume human flesh or drink human blood, even if it was his own. He looked up in the mirror and glared.

'**I hate you. I hate you Cockroach. I hate you slave. Do you hear me, I hate you! I hate you Roach! I hate you with every fiber of my being! I'm not you Cockroach! I'm not you Roach! I'm not you slave! I'm not you whore! I'm David! I'm David Mathias Cullen! Do you hear me! David! Mathias! Cullen!' **he then decided that he was going crazy. He must have been, why else would he mentally shout at his own reflection. He hated himself though, that was true. He hated what he had become and loved what he was. He needed to punish what he had become. He needed to burn what he had become. Burn in water far too hot and too deep like Mommy used to burn him when he was a bad boy. He was a bad boy now. He was a horrible, sinful whore of a boy. He needed to be punished. Roach needed to be punished. Roach went to the tub and turned on only the hot water, it was still only six thirty so no one be awake. Well, maybe Dottie if there was something good on or she spotted another UFO on the New Jersey skyline. He put a rag in his mouth to muffle his screams as he climbed into the tub full of scalding hot water.

'**It's hot but the fires of hell are hotter!' **though Roach as he sat there, a rag muffling his screams. He screamed as his skin blistered and pealed. He screamed as some of his skin began to stick to his clothes and he bit into the rag so deep his teeth meshed together and he screamed for twenty more minutes before deciding that he was going to wake someone soon. Climbing out was even more painful but that was what he wanted. He wanted the pain, needed the pain because he needed to be punished. He dried himself off and stripped down. He stifled a scream as his clothes pulled at the skin that had become attached and the blisters which were now opening. He took some gauze from the medicine cabinet and wrapped his blisters as best he could. He looked at them as they joined the scars that covered him like tie-dye. He went to his room in a towel and dressed in a long sleeve button down shirt and long pants even though it was the high seventies out and walked downstairs to his mother who had just started breakfast.

"David, what are you doing up?" asked Amanda who knew that her son sometimes rose with the sun but never saw him actually up and about. She mostly found him under tables or in cabinets and once he had managed to make himself fit in the oven. That was a bit terrifying to her since she was about to turn it on and could have seriously hurt him.

'_I woke up.' _Said Roach as he got under the table to find his journal. He remembered that he had left it there the previous day but gasped as it wasn't there. He was grateful his mother was busy listening to morning radio and didn't hear him but he began to panic.

'**OK David, calm down. It didn't just grow legs and walk away. Someone must have took it.' **That though didn't do much to reassure him. He didn't want anyone reading it since he got pretty personal at times. He wrote about his ordeals, his loves, his loses, his various fantasies that he really wasn't happy about someone reading, and his penultimate peril of escaping into the walls before his escape back to the outside world. He began to think of who would take it. Not his parents, they really didn't seem like the kind of people to crawl around under tables, maybe Dottie but she couldn't read so well. Maybe Morgan or Trysta, they were both pretty mad at him. He decided that when they were away he'd look in there rooms. Trysta's room would be easy to search, she left the house quite often and Dottie spent most of her time outside. If Morgan had it on the other hand there was nothing he could do, he wasn't about to go asking his parents for help and he wasn't going to ask if he had it either. Morgan would probably lie seeing as how they didn't get along well even though Roach had done nothing to him. He didn't think too much about it though, organ was young and people younger than him from what he observed were generally strange. He ate his breakfast and finished before everyone even came downstairs and sat by the front door waiting for Alice.

"Who the hell used up all the hot water?!" yelled David Sr. from the bathroom. There was a chorus of not me and I haven't bathed in two days from Morgan. Roach on the other hand hid in the front closet behind the winter coats. He knew that his father probably wouldn't hurt him but he was scared anyway. He sat with his knees up to his chest ignoring the pain the open blisters and places where his skin had become raw. He heard his father leave but he still didn't come out of his hiding place. He didn't come out when Dottie asked where he as because she wanted him to play with her, he didn't come out when his mother asked if he was still hungry and he didn't even come out when Alice came over even though he desperately wanted to. It was like there was this invisible force stopping him from leaving the safety of the closet. He went all the way back to the far wall when the door opened. He could still be seen though, it wasn't that big of a closet. He was happy to see Alice and quickly pulled her in and shut the door. Alice looked nervous about something or other and Roach was curious to know.

"Roach, why are we in a closet?" asked Alice quietly not looking at him. She couldn't bring herself to look at him because if she looked at him she might let the fact that she might be pregnant slip out and she was terrified of Roach knowing.

"Cus.('Cause."

"'Cause why?"

"Cus iss seff('Cause it's safe.)"

"Safe from what?"

"I dunno." Said Roach as they sat across from each other in the cramped space that was the front closet. Roach noticed Alice holding her stomach.

"Wuss rwohg?(What's wrong?)" asked Roach

"Nothing you'd understand." said Alice sourly. That worried Roach a bit, Alice was never sour to him

"Uhhliss, tew mee.(Alice, tell me.)"

"I can't!"

"Why?"

"Because-because-because- you're a boy. You're lucky that you don't have to get like this! Why'd you have to get so lucky?!!"

"Uhhn sowree?(Uhh, sorry?)" said Roach. It was more of a question than a statement. Alice still looked mad and he didn't understand why. Why was she so angry? Did he do something wrong?

**'What's with her? Did I do something wrong? We usually do things like this and she's never acted like this before. She knows! She knows what Roach is! She knows what he's done! OK David, get a hold of yourself, she can't possibly know. Oh my God! She knows I kissed her in her sleep! She probably hates me now, I know I would. I hate getting things things done to me in my sleep so she must too. Wait, I didn't do the things that were done to me to her, nowhere close but Alice is still much less resilient than me. She must hate me now. She must hate being near me. She must hate being close to me, close to the cockroach not David. She is close though. Very close. So close I can feel her breathe on me, so close I could-No! Not again! I've got to stop kissing her, stop thinking about her, stop dreaming about her. It's becoming unhealthy I think. Is it really unhealthy to think about someone that much even if you love them more than life itself? Besides, she wouldn't want me. No woman would want me. No human being on this Earth would ever want me, not in the way I want them. I don't want sex, I want companionship. I don't want to fuck, I want to make sweet, wonderful love to someone and them to me. I want to share that moment with them, not have it be one-sided like when Boss would get bored of Messenger. I especially don't want to end up like Messenger, liking being used. Besides, no one would ever want to make love to me, want me. Hell, I don't even want me. If I don't want me then why would she? Why would this perfect, pure angel want something as disgusting as me? I'm not even pure anymore, well I'm semi pure. I'm tarnished like the silverware in our cabinet. I'm a tarnished brass fork while she's a silver spoon. If she hates me I won't force myself on or to her but I won't let her know that I know. I'll act like it's business as usual like a good boy would.' **Thought Roach as he sat so close to Alice their noses were almost touching. He so desperately wanted to kiss her again, to feel her soft, plush lips resting on his chapped ones and her nose pressed against his cheek. He so desperately wanted her to love him as he loved her, to hear those three words pass off her tongue and past her lips to his awaiting ears. He so desperately wanted some sort of confirmation from her but he knew better than to ask. Asking might lead to rejection and he seen in his little sister what that could do to a person and he never wanted to feel that. He had felt pure euphoria and drowning depression, cold calculation and pure spontaneity. He had felt like king of the world and been in fact a slave to a cruel and sadistic man and woman and after that their cruel and sadistic blood son. He had felt the white hot euphoria an orgasm could bring the feelings of guilt and filth and self loathing that could come with it. He had felt the mercy and empathy of saving someone and the pure animalistic rage of wanting someone dead. With all the tings he had felt he hoped that heartbreak wouldn't be one of them so he decided that it was better to wonder what if than open his mouth and remove all doubt.

**'Why did I do that? Why did I snap at him like that? He was only asking a question and I just blew up at him like a lit stick of dynamite. He must feel rotten inside. What's wrong with me? Mother said that I'd either yell and yell or cry and cry but she didn't say I'd yell at my best friend, my love. I'm losing my mind, yes that's it! Oh God I've finally gone crazy!' **thought Alice as tears began to collect at the corners of her eyes. She had always cried easily and was usually able to suppress it like a good girl could but now it was threatening to break free. Roach noticed and wiped the tears away with his sleeve. That broke the dam of her emotions as she began to sob into his shoulder for a good ten minutes. In that time Roach had decided that she had finally lost it, she was acting like Messenger and that guy never had it to begin with. He just hoped that she didn't start talking in circles like him too, he had no idea what to do for her then. She eventually stopped and they left the closet. The rest of the day going ruffly like that. Something different happened though, Donna seemed to be reading a book whenever he saw her. He didn't get a good look at the book but it looked sad since she was crying a lot while reading it. That night at dinner he pretended to be a good boy but he was in fact a very bad boy. they couldn't ell though, they weren't paying too much attention to him that night but he liked it that way. They were try to explain to Morgan that they knew it was him who put a red pair of underwear in with the whites because it was his underwear and everyone else wasn't jumping at the chance to touch it. He had tried blaming it on Roach but then he was quickly reminded that he was terrified of the basement. Morgan got in trouble for cursing but was allowed TV time because his father felt guilty about the whole belt thing. Morgan looked overjoyed. After dinner he was tempted to ask his father why Alice would at first be normal, then testy, then sad, then testy again and so on and so forth. After dinner he searched both Morgan and Trysta's rooms for his journal but turned up nothing. He couldn't think of another place that it could be but he knew that it would turn up sometime, he never lost things for long. He was afraid that it would fall into the wrong hands, he wrote some very personal things in there that he didn't want anyone to know about, both painful to recall and worthy of Penthouse Forum. He turned in early but not before putting a fair bit of cream on his blisters and open raw places of skin, it was going to get infected soon and he knew it wouldn't be pleasant. He also knew that he wouldn't die because there were real doctors and medicine in the outside but he didn't want to have to explain to his parents how the infection had come to be and he didn't want them to know why he had to punish himself. He didn't want them to know what a horrible, wicked, bad, sinful boy he was. He slept under his parents bed that night and had the worst dream he had ever had since he came home. It was less a dream, more of a memory but it still made him sick just thinking about it.

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Roach woke up so quickly he slammed his head against the under side of the bed. He stifled a scream into his blanket half because of the pain and half because of the memory dream. He could still remember every touch on parts of him that no one had ever touched before, every bite of his neck, every sick caress of his skin and the sick caresses he was forced to mimic, and every burning hot drop of cum running down his throat into his stomach where it came up soon after and every drop of it that covered his skin in a thin film along with sweat that wasn't him. He dreamt of the first time he had ever been used and it hadn't been by Boss. No, it had been by Stairmaster. Stairmaster had flipped him on his back when he passed out from the pain of having his tongue cut out and Daddy's three day torture of him. If Stairmaster hadn't flipped him on his back he would have choked to death on his own blood as it filled his mouth. Stairmaster had become his first friend or rather Alie and Roach had forgiven him for what he did. It was partially Roach's fault in his mind, he shouldn't have gotten do attached to Stairmaster, shouldn't have stayed near him for so long, should have just let Bites take him as his own with Boss who was called Twig at the time, Headbanger, and Messenger but instead he stayed near Stairmaster for safety purposes. One day Stairmaster wanted something in return. Roach was a bit grateful that he wasn't ridden like Messenger, he didn't know how he would have survived with his sanity in tact if the most sacred thing he owned was stolen from him like that with everyone watching. It was sick but he was grateful to both Boss and Stairmaster for only making him use his tongue and not taking the most sacred thing he had, the only thing he had left. His freedom, his salvation, his happiness, his childhood, his hopes and dreams, his dignity, even his ability to speak was taken from him at that point in life and the only thing he had left was his virginity. He remembered how he had said that they were going to have some fun and him still having a microscopic bit of childish naivety and agreed. What happened next haunted hi for the rest of his life and still brought bile to his mouth. It was the day his innocence died. He was still a bit innocent even at that point, Stairmaster had kept him in his corner by the money room for the first few days of his confinement under the stairs away from everyone else. He still had no idea what any of those things were but Stairmaster soon took care of that. He was just a bit frustrated from the fact that his under the stairs wife died and Bites kept a good watch over his slaves even in his state of near death. Some said he was thirty five years old, and age unheard of amongst them, it was their equivalent of ninety. Stairmaster hadn't meant to hurt him like Boss always meant to hurt him so he could be forgiven in Roach's eyes. He almost thanked Stairmaster for what he did a few weeks after wards because he was presented with a passed out woman named Singer. Roach was tired of being taken from and he wanted to take for once and he told himself that she'd like it as much as he would but then he remembered that Stairmaster had though the same thing with him and he thought against it and went back into the walls after dropping off the supplies he had stolen from the house, disgusted with himself for even thinking about taking something like that from someone, especially a woman. It was on that day he vowed to never, ever force himself on another human being no matter how much he disliked them or how badly he needed the sweet release or orgasm. He crept out from under the bed slowly as not to wake his parents, it was four thirty in the morning and everyone was still fast asleep. He needed to punish himself, his mind, for conjuring up these memories. He needed to take another boiling bath to reprimand himself but he then though against it because it used up all of the hot water. He knew that they're water heater was so old it took along time to heat up the water, several hours to be exact and it was very loud so it might wake up Donna.

**'You need to be punished you bastard! You wanna know why?! Because you enjoyed that! You reached your peak for the first time that day and you know what, you liked it! You're nothing but a whore Cockroach! No wait, you're worse! A whore wouldn't have enjoyed it!' **thought Roach as he cried a bit. It was true, all of it. It was all true bad he hated himself for it. He just wanted to hurt himself, punish himself. He needed to make himself pay, make his body pay for betraying him like that. He knew exactly what he needed to do, the gas stove. He squealed a bit in fear, he had been forced by Mommy to lie across the gas stove when he and Alice were both caught misbehaving at once. She was boiling alive in the bathtub and he had to lie across the gas stove until the kitchen was filled with the smell of burning flesh and it filtered down to the people under the stairs who voiced their hunger loudly. He would then be forced to stand above the basement door and say things like 'you'll eat me soon' and 'don't worry, you'll have full bellies in a little bit' and he was never sure if Mommy was going to make those statements true and for quiet a bit of time afterwards he couldn't sleep on his back or sit down. He especially hated when Mommy noticed and poured rubbing alcohol directly onto his wounds. He made his way to the kitchen and turned on the bright blue flame. He watched it dance for a bit and felt the painful memories rush over him. He almost backed out but he then remembered how his body had betrayed him that day, how his bodies betrayal had just made Stairmaster think he was making him feel good and bite at his neck as his hand increased it's pace in the most sacred part of Roach's body. He remembered that his please were taken as incentive to keep going. He remembered that his cries had attracted attention which made the whole ordeal even more violating and humiliating for him.

**'I need to do this. I need to punish my body so it learns. I need to be punished, it's the only way I'll ever learn.' **and with that he plunged his fore arm into the dancing blue flame. He stuffed a filthy dish rag into his mouth to stifle the screaming. As he resisted the urge to take his fore arm out of the burning flame he saw Dottie outside at almost five in the morning now. The brotherly urge to protect her overwhelmed all else and he took his fore arm out of the flame. He wet the dish rag he had been biting on in icy water and wrapped his fore arm in it. He then used a piece of string from the stuck open junk drawer and tied it around his arm and pulled his pajama sleeve down. He'd have take the open boils and raw skin pieces to this pain any day. He saw that Dottie was look through a plastic telescope and then trough binoculars. She was writing something down when she saw him. She at first looked startled but then she beckoned to him.

"David, over here!" said Dottie loudly Roach walked over to her and saw that she had lit a few candles and had the cordless phone from the living room on a small plastic picnic table as well as a few glow sticks and a notebook filled with her bad spelling and messy scrawl handwriting. There were numbers written on the paper as well as some of the things she saw

_'Dot, it's 5:00 in the morning.' _wrote Roach who found that if he wrote inn small words that Dottie could read it better. She was smarter than people thought in his opinion, the thing was no one ever gave her a chance. They had gone places besides the library, the arcade and they even explored the attic where he had lived at first before they got the whole house from his grandparents on his father's side.

"Really? Well, sunrise isn't for another twenty minutes so I've still got time before the aliens leave to the other side of the planet. You know why I think you don't usually see UFOs in the daytime? I think that the aliens can't handle the light you so they switch sides of the planet whenever the sun rises on the side that they're on". Roach nodded in agreement, it made sense. Most people thought that his sister just spouted nonsense because they never really though about what she was saying. Dottie was, in his opinion, a rather bright child if not just a bit on the strange side. He watched her work a bit. She'd change the angle a bit, write down the coordinates and if she saw any aliens. Apparently she did this once a week or whenever Jupiter was clearly visible. She seemed to like Jupiter a lot since her log book was covered in pictures of it. She was a bit sad that the closest thing she had seen to an alien was a fly caught on the lens. Roach asked about where she got the telescope, it didn't look like something a six year old would own. Apparently Donna had won it in a science fair a few years back back when she was still fun and Trysta was a lot like Dot only she liked the occult. Roach felt bad about all that he had missed in his time away from his real family.

"What about you? What do you like?" asked Dottie as she packed up her stuff, the sun was begining to rise and she had to get in bed before anyone noticed that she was gone and so she could get a bit of sleep.

_'Records, TV and video-games. You?'_ Those were all the things he loved when he was David and he still loved them now even though he was Roach. He supposed that he and Roach were the same person but maybe Roach was what he became and they were two parts of the same person. It tookher a moment to reply because she had to do some sounding out. It was a bit ironic that she knew so much about aliens and astronomy but she could barely read

"Aliens, movies, TV, the banjo, sewing voodoo dolls an dolls to be my friends and playing outside. Did you really kiss Trysta? If you did I bet it was really gross." said Dottie as she wrote something in her log book and yawned. He nodded in agreement, it had been gross.

"How come you don't just use a trick to help you fall back asleep when you have nightmares instead of crying all night and sleeping with mom and dad?"

"Huh?"

"You know, light a candle, say a prayer, shine a flashlight, get a drink of water, walk around the room to see that the Robeson's aren't there and can't hurt you anymore. I hear you crying at night, is it them you're dreaming about.?" Roach nodded

"Did you ever notice that people treat us different just 'cause we're different?"

_'They just don't know what to say.' _wrote Roach as he helped his sister put the telescope in the crawl space under the house by the back door that he sometimes hid in. He then proceeded to climb the stairs back to his room and tried Dottie walking around his room trick. He slept quite well after doing that and thanked god for the wisdom of small but cleaver children.

Donna stifled tears as she read on in her brother's journal. She knew it was wrong but she was curious. She had spoken to her brother a bit more about his time in the house and frankly she was horrified that someone would put another human being through that kind of torture and she was amazed that he managed to survive the tortures he endured. He told her about his three days of torture before losing his tongue, the fact that he was made to lie across a gas stove as punishment, the fact that his very life was almost taken from on many occasions before the age of ten, she was told all of those things and was horrified but she got the feeling that she wasn't being told everything. She pressed on but gave up when he hid in the crawl space under the kitchen floor where the raccoons sometimes made their homes. She was a bit of a busy body and she knew it but she was exceedingly curious. She was also a bit afraid to know and now she was regretting knowing. She should have just left well enough alone and not pried into her brother's life, thoughts, memories, and various sexual fantasies many of them worthy of Penthouse forum. She especially didn't need to know about his various sexual fantasies. He was an interesting person though to say the least. His writing bounced from his darkest memories to the events of his day. Actually most of it was just his day and whatever dream he had had but he occasionally wrote about things that were just plain disturbing. He wrote about his punishments which were actually tortures, his loss of innocence at the hands of someone he trusted and his repeated use by a person named Boss who owned him, a thought that sickened Donna to the core. He wrote about his love for Alice and some other woman named Headbanger and confusion about loving two separate people at the same time when he so desperately wanted to be loyal to Alice, his confusion on the subject of their parents who were showing a level of kindness previously unknown to him from anybody that called themselves his parents, and his hate of himself and what he had become and illogical fears. She felt sick to her stomach as he described himself as a whore because of his rapes and the fact that he even sold some time with his fingers and tongue stump to other people for basic food and warmth. She cried as she read the account of the loss of his innocence and extreme violation in front of all fifteen or so people that he knew about but she couldn't stop reading every pain filled word off the college ruled, tear and for some odd reason blood stained page. She couldn't stop though, she half wanted to but half didn't. It was like witnessing a car crash, powerless to stop it an only watching it in some macabre sort of interest. She was amazed that her brother was able to come out of that with his sanity but as she read on she began to wonder how much of the sanity was really there. She finally found out the morbid and degrading origin of his nickname and it disgusted her that someone would degrade him like that, make him someones slave for whatever purpose caught their fancy. Make him a sex slave. That sent shivers down her spine and bile to the top of her throat. She felt as though she was going to throw up at any time while reading his journal but it didn't do much to deter her, it just slowed her down a few times as he wrote about feelings hands running up and down his body as he slept and had threats of having his virginity stolen from him if he didn't make it a good fast orgasm with his fingers or tongue. It appalled and sickened her that someone would do those things to him but she was happy that he was still a virgin for the most part and still had a small part of his innocence left since he had never been inside of someone and had never had someone inside of him, it sickened her that that last thought had ever even crossed his mind. That kind of thought should never have t cross a straight boy's mind in her opinion. She felt so horrible for him but she now knew that he didn't like pity. She knew that every kind word caused confusion and guilt, she knew that every touch left him afraid, for what the touch might lead to, a rape or a beating even though he knew that he o longer had to fear those things. She knew about the memories that would resurface at the oddest times and leave him in a panicked heap, she knew about his disgust at the thoughts sex with Alice that would creep into his sexual fantasies even though he considered her too pure, to untouchable for those things. She knew about his thoughts and various jealousies that he had for his brother and sisters who had had the perfect lives in his opinion and she knew about his thoughts about her too. He loved her and trusted her more than their mother only because they were siblings and she was grateful for that love he had for her but she resented being called a busy body for prying into his personal thoughts and memories even though she knew that that was what she was. The truth hurt she supposed. She wiped a tear from her eye as she read about his guilt of having his body betray him like that which only made it worse and longer on him. She wanted desperately to tell him that it wasn't his fault and he didn't do anything to provoke that as he led himself to believe. She wanted to hold him close and reassure him that it was all going to be alright, that it was over an no one was going to hurt him again. No one was ever going to beat or bur of cut or touch him again. She always though that his torture had began and ended with the Robeson's but the true torture had just began with them. It ended in the death of his innocence and what little childhood he had left and lived on in his nightmares. Her mother called her up for breakfast and she but his journal where he'd never find it, under her bed. He never went into the cellar, he was just too afraid. He didn't go down to the cellar when he needed a clean shirt because he showered so many times he ran out of clothes very quickly, not when he wanted to see her as he quite often did, not even when the super ball her was throwing around fell down the basement stairs and rolled into her room where she was yet to give it back. She came up the stairs dazedly, she had been up for quite a bit of time reading his journal and she barley made it to her place before putting her head down on the kitchen table and almost falling back to sleep. Amanda noticed and tsked.

"This is why we have bedtimes even though they aren't strictly enforced Belladonna. You learn somethin' from this?" asked Amanda as she served smiley face eggs and bacon for breakfast.

"You don't know the half of it mom." Yawned Donna as she got up and poured herself a cup of coffee. Man oh man did she learn something. She learned things no sister should ever have to learn about her brother, horrible personal things, and frankly she could have done without knowing. It was true, curiosity did kill the cat. She bit her lower lip as the boy in question came tiredly down the stairs and took his place and just waited for some sort of food to be placed in front of him. He got oatmeal since he had trouble with solid foods because of his cut out tongue and ate it without question like a good boy even though he was getting bored of oatmeal but he'd never tell his mother that. That was something a bad boy would do. He ate more slowly than usual and looked sad and worried about something. His parents picked up on it and exchanged worried glances. They knew he was depressed and had been waiting for this to happen. They had been told that people who survived near death experiences but at a big loss, in his case his tongue, would become depressed as soon as the euphoria of escape wore off and for their son it looked like it was wearing off as they ate. They were surprised that it didn't happen sooner, he had a lot to be depressed for. They supposed that all the Prozac they had bee shoving down his throat and mixing into his food. They didn't know the half of it and they knew it but they tried not to press and just enjoy the time they had with him before he turned eighteen and officially became an adult. That thought scared them and they would have stopped time for ten years and turned the clock back on his puberty if they could.

"David, is anythin' the matter?" asked Amanda as she put some celery with peanut butter on a plate in front of him. He ate it slowly and nodded his head no. There was no reason his mother needed to know. She'd probably be ashamed of him, ashamed of the whore he was. Hell, he was even ashamed of himself. She'd be ashamed of how he ate live rats as opposed to what was thrown to them from a kill, she'd be ashamed to know how he had been over powered and how he was Boss' slave. She'd be ashamed to know how he couldn't stop Daddy all together, he only put the fear of being killed in his sleep if he ever hurt Alice both physically and by taking the most sacred thing she had from her. He knew that they'd be ashamed of him if they knew how he would be so desperate for a warm place to sleep, for something besides rats to eat, for just a bit of warmth that he'd sell himself to the people at the top of their figurative grapevine just for those things. He bit his tongue stump as he remembered how the tears had dried with the cum as the person who had bought of rather rented him fell asleep on one of the few mattresses that they had and he cried softly for a bit before enjoying the heat that the other person provided. Donna noticed his depression and wanted to comfort him but she knew that he didn't want comfort, she knew how he blamed himself, hated himself, thought himself less than human, less than a slave, how he thought himself a whore. She knew all this and she desperately wanted not to know these things, she wanted the rose colored glasses to be back on.

"Shit! It's noon! I'm beyond late!" yelled David Sr. from the upstairs bedroom. Everyone looked up with curiosity as various bangs and steps could be heard. Morgan chuckled a bit and looked at his brother spitefully; this was a great plan he had. He thought of himself as a genius, this was even better than making all the whites pink or writing on the walls. Someone who got up early would have had time to set the alarm for the wrong time since David Sr. checked it every night before bed and the only person who got up that early was either Dottie or David. David Sr. ran down the stairs half dressed with shaving cream still on in some places. He took the coffee pot with him and almost made it past the kitchen door but stopped in front of the clock. It read eight in the morning. He looked down at himself and turned slowly towards his children, he didn't like having his clock messed with, it was on it's last legs and if it was a dog he'd have had it put to sleep long ago. A collective gulp could be heard as well as a frantic prayer and a wicked laugh on the part of Morgan.

"Who did it this time?" asked David Sr. as he turned around slowly to face them. He already had a good idea who had done it, either Morgan or Dot. It wasn't like they hadn't done it before and Donna and Trysta didn't usually do things like that and David slept for an acceptable hour for once so it couldn't have been him.

"David did it!" said Morgan as almost every person at the table pointed to him. David Sr. knew who knew by that point who to believe and his son's shocked face spoke for it'sself.

He pointed upwards and Morgan stuttered a bit but eventually gave in. Breakfast resumed a little less than normal and one by one the Cullen children went their separate ways: Dottie to sleep, Trysta to sulk, Morgan to punishment, and Donna who would usually go back to her room did something a bit different and went to the living room following her brother. Roach sat down on the couch as he watched the news report on the trial; apparently they were having trouble picking a jury because most people had an obvious bias. He sighed a bit and sat back, he was sad and bored and he didn't know why. It was like a dam had broken in his mind and all of his bad memories came flooding back and a flood of sadness followed. He missed Alice too but in a way didn't want her near him. She deserved better than him. She deserved the best. She deserved better than a cockroach, she deserved a hero. She deserved someone like Fool; he was the one who saved her when he couldn't. He was just too afraid. That was all he was, just a coward. A fraidy cat. A baby. A cockroach. He was too scared and she almost died because of that. He hated himself for it. He needed to make himself pay. He needed to make himself learn. Sometimes he wished he were dead. That though scared him. He didn't want to die but he didn't want to live like this either. He sighed a bit as Donna came up to him, thankfully without the video camera. She looked cheerless as she sat down next to him. She blinked back tears as she looked at the scars that covered his arm as his sleeve rode up. Thankfully it wasn't the sleeve with the burn on it. She knew he didn't like pity but she didn't care as she pulled him close. He began to panic but she shushed him like a mother would shush her baby.

"It's OK David, don't cry. You'll be fine, it's all OK now. It wasn't your fault, none of it. None of it was your fault. You're a good person who had some bad stuff happen to him. I love you Davey, I love you." Cried Donna as she pulled him close. He had stopped panicking and just sat there and let his sister sob into him. He didn't quite know what she meant but it was wonderful to hear someone tell him it wasn't his fault. Any of it. The beatings and burns and other horrible punishments but also what Stairmaster and Boss and whoever else hurt him. He didn't feel all the way better but it helped. Donna stayed that way for a few more moments before deciding to give him his space. Roach bit his lower lip, he was having mixed emotions. One the one hand he loved his sister and was in high spirits because of what she said. Well, his spirits weren't exactly high but they were definitely higher than they had been before but on the other he knew that he didn't deserve her love, her kindness, he pity. She didn't know that he didn't deserve it or why but she wouldn't have said all of those things if she knew. If she knew the things he did for his own protection and Alice's. Just for a bit or food or a place to sleep. The trade he learned from Messenger. The way he learned it from Messenger. The deaths that he was responsible for which were just now making an indentation on his mind. They were his new regrets. He didn't understand why he was feeling these regrets; he had seen so many people die in his fifteen years of life. He hugged the blanket to his chest. A bang, a scream, a shot, and a thud replayed themselves over and over again in his mind like a stuck record as he sucked his thumb like a baby for a bit. He remembered Daddy's voice as it ran gout the eternal sentiment of 'Gonna kill you!'. He remembered how he could still run in the small space between the walls that Bites had shown his on his last day. He remembered how Bites stumbled, he didn't walk so well, and hit the wall alerting Daddy to his presence. He remembered the shot and the scream. It didn't kill Bite instantly, that was a common misconception about getting shot, no Bites bled slowly. He died in Roach's arms sputtering up blood chocked words; that was why the death of Bites was different. Roach had seen so many die in his short time in the world but it was different because he actually saw the life leave Bites' ancient eyes. Roach decided to do the honorable thing and took Bites' body back to the cellar where he was met with contempt from all of the people under the stairs. He would never forget the last words that Bites had said, they lived on carved in his side. 'Only in death there will be freedom and only in freedom there shall be life. In my death my life shall begin.' That sentiment was visible if one was to get close enough to him to see the tiny words. That night the power shifted not to Rateyes who it was promised to but to Boss then called Twig who managed to overpower Rateyes. Under Boss there came Roach's slavery and a new dictatorship order. The role of leader was one of the peacekeeper and argument resolver; Boss was none of those things. Instead of leading wisely as Bites had and before him No Fingers and before him Nightwalker he led only in a way that benefited him. He didn't settle the arguments or demand that whatever food they were given be distributed in order of weight and age, no he made food into a fight the sick and women couldn't possible win. He let fights break out and took the sick out of quarantine. He demanded the best of the food, a change of clothes, and treated everyone cruelly. The people under the stairs were reaching the end of their ropes with him as he made their deplorable living condition even worse with his mindless self indulgence and extreme cruelty and dictatorship. He was especially cruel to the slaves he inherited, Headbanger and Messenger and his new claim, Roach. It was alright to be cruel to a boy slave person by their laws but not a woman, they were very valuable. That made Roach angry, the way he treated Headbanger. The way everyone treated Messenger made him even angrier. He rarely slept because of what he saw happen to Messenger in his sleep. He told Messenger about that and to his surprise Messenger said he knew and he didn't mind. Roach tried to convince him but his efforts were in naught because that was all that Messenger knew. He missed Messenger and Headbanger quite a bit. They were both a bit disturbing to him but they were also nice to him and taught him about how things worked under the stairs and he tried his best to abide by their rules even though he disagreed with them. He missed how when no one was using them for anything they'd whittle down bone into whatever they needed, told stories both under the stairs folklore and stories they remembered from their time up top. Messenger always told the strangest stories that his mother had told him and Roach felt bad for him, living under the delusion that his mother would one day rise from the long dead and come back for him. He had given up on his parents rescuing him long ago. He missed Headbanger most of all not just for her company but also for what she did with and for him. He didn't want to fuck, he wanted to make love but he did neither with Headbanger. They hadn't made love or fucked or any other way of saying doing it, the just got each other off. Roach didn't consider it sex, he considered it reliving sexual tension on her part on finally consenting to something on his part. He didn't think it'd be that good and he expected to feel dirty as always but it felt surprisingly good, better than when he'd be forced to because he wanted it. He wanted to scream her name and she his. He wanted to be brought to the sweet release of orgasm and he wanted to bring her to it too. He didn't particularly want Messenger to be right there but what could he do really? Besides, Messenger eventually left getting nothing out of it which was quite rare for him. He sighed loudly as he remembered Headbanger under him, going where he had tried so hard to stop people from going before, twisting he tongue in ways that he didn't know a tongue could be twisted. He remembered mimicking her movements on and in her. He remembered her hands working their way through his hair as he used the trick that Messenger had taught him, it was one of the few things he was grateful to be taught by Messenger even though it wasn't mean to be use don the opposite sex. He sighed contentedly to that memory as he replayed it over and over again. It was the first time he had ever wanted to cum.

"What's with you? You happy again?" asked Dottie as she came to the couch with a full to the brim glass of grape juice. Roach blushed and rubbed the back of his head as Dottie sat at the other end of the couch spilling some juice as she sat down. He was grateful that she sat so far from him because at that moment he decided to pitch a little tent. He'd have to start remembering this stuff in his room.

'_I'm Ok. How are you?' _asked Roach as he pulled the blanket over his lap even though it was hot in the house. Dottie didn't think too much of it though, she was still very drowsy.

"Could be worse, still kinda tired though. That's what the juice is for. Did you know that juice has sugar and sugar works like coffee? I'd drink real coffee but mom says it'll stunt my growth so you know what I says to her? I told her I was already tall ad she told me I wasn't drinkin' coffee end of discussion so now I guess I'm drinkin' and spillin' grape juice everywhere."

'_Neat.' _Wrote Roach as he scooted away from her even though they were on opposite ends of the ripped couch. He tossed the note at her paper football style and she spilled some more of her juice on the brown shag carpet.

"Morgan's gonna blame this on you know. Just a heads up." Said Dottie as she spilled some of the juice on her white T-shirt. She muttered something under her breath that Roach was sure was speaking evil as he got up and went to the window wondering if today was going to be an Alice day, it looked like it wasn't be if it wasn't she usually called him. He wondered if she was sick, she wasn't acting right yesterday and the day before it looked like her stomach was hurting her. He hoped that she didn't have appendicitis. He had appendicitis once when he was four and it hadn't been fun. Actually it had been a living hell but at least he still got to keep it in a jar in his room. It was still there to that day. He went up to the bathroom to relieve the little problem he had developed in his oh so very carnal memories of him and Headbanger. He wished he had more memories like that to draw from instead of the terrible ones that plagued his dreams and daydreams. Well, daydreams seemed to be better for him and too many pill dreams were the best because he couldn't remember if they were good or bad. He loved it when his father gave him too many pills because his mother was the only one who knew how many of which and at what time. Sometimes he'd get sick to his stomach and he'd be left alone and other times he'd sleep for a long time. His record was eighteen hours.

'I don't hate myself, just what I've become but I can go back to being what I was if I really try hard. I don't have to be Roach, I can be David again! I can! I can! Besides, I'm sure some woman somewhere would want me. Maybe an under the stairs woman? After all, Headbanger wanted me and she could have anyone she wanted. I can so get a woman to want me! I can! I can! I mean look at me!' though Roach as he looked at himself in the mirror. He liked what he saw. His frame had filled out to the point that his cheek bones had disappeared almost completely into his cheeks. His ribs had almost completely disappeared under a new layer of fat and muscle. His eyes were a darker but still an intense blue, he had much more apple on his cheeks, and his hair wasn't greasy and grimy to the touch anymore. He knew that he wasn't the best looking guy around but he was average in his opinion and kinda tall. He laughed as he remembered how Mommy would work her fingers to the bone always sewing him new pants after he had his growth spurt. He wondered why he had started growing so much so fast around the time he turned thirteen, that was about the time that his voice started breaking and his muscle got a bit more definition. It was also the time that women started popping into his dreams. He assumed it was part of growing up and didn't ask. Asking questions was almost always speaking with out being spoken to and that was what bad boys did and that was back when he was a good boy, wanted to be a good boy. He did a closer inspection of himself and found something completely new; a small red bump on his back.

'What the hell is that?' thought Roach as he turned the mirror in an attempt to get a better look. It looked almost like a bug bite only it didn't sting or itch and it wasn't leaking any sort of pus filled ooze. He poked it a bit. It didn't hurt so he didn't really know what to make of it. It looked a lot like the little red bumps on Donna's face. He'd have to ask her later. He stepped into the lukewarm shower water and shuddered, he didn't like water but he'd have to bear with it because he had to bathe four times a day to kill the infection that had grown under his skin. Besides, it felt good to be clean and it kept head and body lice away. He felt better for some odd reason, a reason he couldn't quite place. Maybe it had something to do with what Donna told him or maybe he had just used up all the sadness in his body and all that was left was happiness. He went over himself with the soap taking care not to look down.

_'Sometimes I love this body with it's muscle and scars each with thier own story. Other times I'm extremely ashamed of it and the things it's done. I hate some of these scars. The ones that have bad memories anyway.' _thought didn't really like looking at the scars on his torso. They were mostly belt marks and various burns but there were also scratch and bite marks and Bites' last words which he carved into himself. He was glad that he couldn't see the mark on his back, the mark of a slave. If he didn't see it he could pretend that it didn't exist, that he was free. He was free from the house true, but never truly free. Not as long as there was the scar on his back and Boss still lived. He knew Boss was alive because every time one of the people under the stairs died it was on the news. So far three of them had died; Hunch who Roach only knew of because Hunch stayed to the back window and picked at the brick hoping to get free. Brittle who was one of Boss' best what he considered friends but Roach though of them more as people on Boss' good side. Brittle was from the outside and had come to be under the stairs only a year before Roach. Roach had become Brittle's informant to the goings on of the house and Brittle had become Roach's informant on the outside though from what Roach could gather he wasn't a very good one. Roach felt a pang of sadness at the news but quickly brushed it away, he wasn't Brittle friend. Brittle had listened to Boss when Boss told him to make an example out of Roach. Roach knew that he was just following orders but he didn't care. Fly he didn't even know. He assumed that he was one of the more sickly people that stayed away from the wooden bars that held them for fear of Prince and Daddy. Sometimes Daddy would shoot into the cage for sport of send Prince in there if the dog had done something bad. Everyone in the house got punished, even the dog. Roach sighed with exhaustion, he tired easily. He didn't sleep well at night and several of the pills he had to take for the various things wrong with him made him drowsy but he tried not to sleep too much during the day. Not from fear of staying up all night and messing up his internal clock but from fear of what would happen to him. It was an irrational remnant from his time under the stairs and in the house but he still feared. He feared for his safety because everyone was up and about during the day and anyone could find him and he couldn't even run because he was asleep. He also feared the things that might have been done to him in his sleep. He knew that he didn't have to fear those things now but the fear still nagged at the back of his mind. He hated it. He went to his room, he didn't really feel like being around anyone and just sat contented on his floor looking at his various possessions. He was afraid to move a lot of the things, he wanted to preserve his time as David for as long as possible. He sat cross legged and just looked at the dusty toys on his shelves, the various puzzles under his bed and the drawings done long ago still taped to the walls, their colors bleached by the sun. He remembered each of those drawings and what they were of. He drew his family, his friends that he couldn't quite remember, and various things he saw on TV. He sat back slowly as not to disturb the newly set bones. He had broken all the fingers on both of his hands many more times than once and he tried to make splints for them but it was a bit difficult to rest and take it easy when he was running for his life. He felt his newly straightened fingers and the newly grown nails. A few of the nails on his fingers were fake, the skin had grown over where the nail had popped off, and a few of his fingers he had trouble moving as well as the others. This made Roach a bit angry but there was nothing he could do. He looked at the picture of his whole family minus him that he had taped to his wall next to the last family portrait he was present for and his eyes began to bleed green. They got to live in this house with a mother and father that never hurt or burned of cut or tried to kill them. They got warm food when he got rats and whatever else he could scavenge. They got love and hugs while he got merciless beating for everything ranging from taking a piece of food to speaking out of turn. They got beds and dreams free of fear, they got love and fresh air and sunshine, they got childhoods, pasts they were proud of, futures and what did he get? He felt the space in his mouth where the tip of his tongue should be. He felt mad. He felt angry. He felt furious. He felt like hurting something, killing something and that scared him. He had never been that angry before in his life.

'Why me?! Why! Look at what they got and look at what I got! Tell me this God: what did I do to deserve this?! Has my whole life just been one big test?! What about Alice's life?! Messengers?! Why did this have to happen to me?! Everything! Everything I had! Everything I was ever going to have! All that is, was, or ever would be!My happiness! My childhood! My sanity! My innocence! My tongue! My God damn tongue!' though Roach as he kicked and punched at the wall. He kicked and punched until he was sure that one of his toes was broken and his knuckles ran rivers of red blood onto the soft blue wall turning it a bright red. He wanted to keep punching, needed to keep punching. He needed to get all of this out. The only people who were home were Amanda and Morgan. Dottie was outside, Trysta was at a friends house looking for advice to deal with heartbreak, and Donna was trying to see if she could find the lip reader for subtitles. Morgan heard but didn't care. Why should he? Amanda heard and dropped what she was doing and came upstairs to find her son re-breaking his newly set fingers and toes. She pulled him back and stopped him. She marveled for a moment how light he was as she led him to his bed. He was crying and muttering something unintelligible.

"Shh. Shh. It's OK David, mama's here. Mama is gonna make it all better." Muttered Amanda as she stroked his head. Roach just kept sobbing as everything he had been feeling came pouring out like a shook up bottle of soda. Amanda shushed him and rubbed his head. He didn't want to be touched, he didn't deserve it.

"Davey, tell me what's wrong. Are you angry? Jealous? Sad? Do you hate me?" Amanda whispered the last part so softly she could barely hear it. Her son on the other hand did from years of training his ears to hear the footsteps of the man and woman he once called mother and the man he once called father.

'She thinks I hate her? Why? I'm just a slave, a whore, something to be used and the thrown away! She should comfort one of them, they were good. Nothing happened to them. No one ever did anything to them! No beatings for them! No hands rubbing them all over! Why would anyone hate her?! Why would she think I hate her? If anything she should hate me! I hate myself! I hate what I've become and so should she! So should everyone! I want to curl up in a whole and just die. Die like David died so long ago. David died when the innocence died and when the innocence died Roach was born.' Thought Roach as his cries got louder and his tears more frequent. He wanted to die, to end it all. He had thought it was normal again, that it was over but it was never, ever over. It lived on in his dreams, his nightmares. It was going to follow him for the rest of his life, hanging over him ready to invade when he rested inside his dreamland or tried to get just one moment of peace. He would never have peace, never have solace. One moment of peace was just too much for him to ask apparently.

_'I love you, mother.' _Wrote Roach as he found his notebook. Amanda blinked back tears. This was all her fault, all of her sons' suffering was her fault. She was possibly the worst mother ever, her age at the time was no excuse for her selfishness. It was all her fault and she almost hated herself for it.

"D-David, do y-you remember th-the day you were t-taken?" asked Amanda who didn't know why she didn't juts let it lie. She supposed that she was seeking vindication for her mistake or perhaps she couldn't keep it bottled up inside of her forever.

_'A bit, what makes you bring it up?' _asked Roach who didn't want to remember that day, he didn't even want to think about it. On that day he had been as bad as he could be and he was still punishing himself for it. He didn't remember that day too well but he remembered that they were at the park that day and Donna ran but he stayed behind. He assumed that it was him who wanted to go to the park that day, he liked the park and he was a very selfish child back then.

"I-I'm sorry. It was all my fault and I'm just so, so sorry! It's my fault all this happened to you an I'm so very sorry! I shouldn't have dragged you and Donna out like that! You and her were watching cartoons and I was pregnant but I still wanted to get out of the house and I did and I just turned around for a minute and you were gone! I understand why you would hate me David and I don't blame you." said Amanda as she rubbed his back grimacing as her fingers brushed the scars that lined his back. He turned to face his mother with a look of disbelief on his face. The disbelief was replaced with a loathing stare from his piercing blue eyes. He reached a hand up and for a moment Amanda feared that he was going to strike her but he pointed to his bedroom door and then to her. She got the message and left. As soon as she left Roach screamed an angry, terrible scream that shocked even him. He was beyond furious with his mother, he wanted her to suffer as he had suffered and that scared him. Why did that have to happen to him? Well, now he had answer; it was because of his mother. He hated her for a moment but a moment later chastised himself for that. He couldn't hate his own mother, she was such a kind, wonderful woman that stayed with him and comforted him even when was bad. He wasn't ever supposed to hate his mother, it wasn't what good sons did and he so desperately wanted to be good. He didn't really understand why he still wanted her affections, he was angry with her but she did seem to be repentant. It was all her fault though, what he was and what he had become.l If she had just let them stay in their home none of this would have happened. He'd have had a normal life with out fear and pain. He would have never seen all of those people die, all of those people having their lives cut short because they had stumbled into the pit of hell, the man trap. None of those things would have happened to him, none of the punishments, none of the scars both physical and mental would litter his body and mind and he wouldn't have had to do the things he did to survive. He wouldn't have had to eat rats, take the abuse from Boss and any of the people Boss liked to keep close, he would never have to be used, never have to sell himself for a piece of real food or a warm place to sleep. He felt angry for a moment; they had always had warm places to sleep and real food to eat while he had to use his hands and tongue to get those things. He never used his whole body though, he would never give the most precious, sacred thing he had away like that. Not for the warmest bed or the cleanest clothes and water or the best food in the world would he ever give anyone his virginity. Maybe Alice, he loved her and he couldn't really think of any better way to show that than to give her the most sacred thing he had. He got up and banged his head against the wall confused by all that he was feeling. he felt like a blender and his feelings what was being blended within him. He had butterflies in his stomach and an angry badger in his head. His stomach began to turn and churn and his vision began to turn blurry. Warm, salty tears collected at the edges of his eyes and his nose began to fill with snot. He laid on his bed and buried his face in his pillow. He let out loud, shaky sobs and he thought about his mother and what he felt for her. He loved her but he was angry beyond words at her. He stayed crying into his pillow for about ninety minutes before deciding to tell his mother that he didn't exactly hate her because he couldn't hate her because no son could hate his mother after his mother had been so kind to him. He began to walk down the stairs past Morgan who looked at him not with his usual jealousy but with fear. Roach felt bad that his own brother was fearing him. He didn't think that Morgan liked him that much and he wasn't really to decided with what to feel about Morgan. He went down the stairs and saw his mother looking at an old photo album. He tapped her lightly on the shoulder and she jumped before giving him a look of pity and fear. Not the same kind of fear that Morgan gave him, this was the fear of what he thought of her.

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'Why the fucking hell did I have to tell him? Why?! He didn't remember and I should have just let it be like that instead of re opening that wound. He must hate me, I know I would. I'm the world's worst mother. I'm worse than Hitler and Jack the Ripper put together. I shouldn't have children if I can't even take care of them. Look at his scars, his injuries. His burns and wounds. The words carved into his skin! This is all my fault! It might as well have been me with the gun or the belts or the cigars or whatever else was used on him! It's my fault! It's all my fault! It's my fault my other ones are so messed up. It's my fault my oldest daughter can't meet new people! It's my fault my middle child thinks of incest with her older brother while her twin brother tries to make life worse for someone who's been to hell and back so many times. it's my fault my my youngest child is so strange! Why did I have to start so young! A sixteen year old can't be having children! I should have stayed in school! I should have just taken the stupid pill! I almost wish that he wasn't born so that he wouldn't have had to go through the tortures he went through! Tortures not even worthy of the worst criminal except the man and woman who did this to him!' thought Amanda as she screamed into a pillow. She was just so stupid sometimes! She never really truly grew up completely and her husband even less so but it was no excuse. This had just been so stressful her judgement was off and that was the only excuse she could have come up with. She wiped her tears away not caring about how her makeup was smudged. She knew that her house needed cleaning, the checkbook needed balancing and laundry needed doing but she couldn't bring herself to do it. All she wanted to do was sit there on her couch and just look at the walls and pictures and general living room set up which she couldn't bring herself to change since 1981 and it was still considered a bit old fashioned back then. The only things modern things were the Atari system, the family picture which she was going to have to get re taken to include her oldest son and the VCR. The couch was a seventies style as well as the chair and the rug and the TV. The phone was a rotary dial, the curtains were floral print, and the coffee table was painted in nostalgia sixties colors. She smiled as she remembered the day she and Donna and David had painted it. The year was 1980 and the tech revolution was begining and she didn't really want to move forward so she and her two children painted it up like that van. It had been a horrible mess and they had had pizza that night but it was worth it. She cried a bit more as she remembered all the good times she had had with him back when he was still only about three feet tall give or take and his voice high. She almost wanted to have that David back, not his near man he had become and she desperately wanted to turn the clock back but knew that she had a better chance of winning the lottery and getting struck by lightening in the same day. She pulled one of the old photo albums out from their hiding place under the couch. She had be seeing a therapist that worked on a sliding scale much to her husband's chargin. She had told her to slowly ease herself away from her son by getting rid of the constant reminders and she for the most part had listened but in what she considered her weaker moments she looked through the five years of memories she had with him and wished that she had taken more pictures. She looked through the ancient yellow pages and almost cried as she saw his first birthday and remembered the great time that they had. She wondered if he celebrated birthdays with the Robeson's and wondered what other big moments she had missed. She had hid his first tooth in a small box on her dresser but wasn't too sure if that one counted since it was knocked out by Donna and her hockey stick when he was four. She bit down on her her lower lip as she remembered how his teeth looked, black and some of them missing. He now had a mouth full of mostly fakes with only a few of them being his real teeth. She flipped a bit as she saw the first time he was ever at the lake, their trip to Cony Island, their trip to Graceland, his first day of school, his great aunts funeral. She remembered how she had to explain death to him and felt the tears run down her cheeks and wondered of any part of that conversation had stuck with him as he saw all of those people die. She kept flipping until she felt a bony finger poke her on the shoulder and for a moment thought that it was Morgan ready to frame his brother once again or one of her other children. She wasn't really in the mood for Morgan or any of her other children, she wanted to be alone but pushed those thoughts aside as she noticed who it was. It was her son and he sat down next to her looking quite serious.

_'I don't hate you mother but I'm very angry at you right now but I don't blame you, It was my fault because I was stupid back then. Please understand this: I don't hate you. I could never hate you. you have shown me so much more kindness in the past few weeks than I received from my false mother in my entire ten years of confinement. For that i love you and could never hate you.' _wrote Roach as he sat near his mother glancing at the photo album. While his mother read he looked at the album and shut it. That time was over and there was no way to get it back. He'd just have to be grateful for what he had and make due with what he had left.

"David, I'm sorry. I know that that doesn't make it all better but I'm very, very sorry. You're my world David. You and Donna and Morgan and Trysta and Dottie all are and I wouldn't trade any of you for all the money and riches in the world and I don't know how I'd go on and when you left my whole world left too. You left an empty space that nothing but you're presence could fill and it has. I'm sorry I was so selfish, so stupid, such an irresponsible mother and now that you're back I feel like I owe something to you, some sort of repayment for what my stupidity caused to happen to you."

_'You don't owe me mother, just please continue being kind and loving me even though I'm such a very bad boy, unworthy boy.' _Wrote Roach as he grabbed a near by throw pillow and hugged it to his chest feeling very vulnerable and still angry with his mother. He wasn't just angry at his mother he was angry at everyone. Well not exactly everyone but he was very angry. He was angry for what had happened to him, for the fact that if the police had just listened and looked in the bullet hole ridden upper levels of the house or better yet the cellar he could have gotten back to his family sooner. He was especially angry that when the adults couldn't save him a thirteen year old child had to. The fact that he was saved made him happy but the fact that his salvation came not in the form of the police, the protectors of the public, but in the form of a thirteen year old boy named ironically named Fool made his blood reach it's boiling point and temper rise until it could rise no further.

"Don't you ever think that! Do you hear me?! Don't you ever think that David Mathias Cullen! You aren't a bad boy! You are a good person that bad things have happened to and you didn't deserve anything that had happened to you! Get that through you're head David, you didn't deserve any of it! And another thing, I will always love you. If you grow up to be the Pope or the president or you run a bus full of orphans with terminal diseases and nuns off the road while driving drunk and high at three int he morning I'll still love you! I you were super religious or atheist I'd still love you! If you were gay, straight, bi, or asexual I'd love you! No matter who you are or what you do I'll always love you! What did those people tell you?! Do to you?! I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be. Do you remember how I'd used to sing you that when you were feeling down? Well Davey, it's true, every word of it. I love you so much David and I hope one day to hear you say I love you too." Amanda was crying by this point and Roach put one arm around her and then another. She buried her head in his shoulder and rubbed her back and muttered pleasantries to her as she cried. They stayed that way until she fell asleep. He put her head under a pillow and put a blanket over her. Her kissed her forehead and told her that he loved her. He went back to his room to await the return of his father and sisters still having very mixed emotions that made him want to throw up and cry out but he did neither for fear of waking his mother.


	20. Blood on the bathroom floor

Disclaimer: See previous chapter

Alice felt like she was going to die even though she knew that she wasn't. Her stomach was hurting slightly less than before but it was still enough to keep her confined to her bed. She didn't much like being confined to her bed but was grateful that it made her feel at least a little better. Her mother had left her with her sister, she was in too much pain to leave her house, and Debbie had given her some pain killers and went bout her business. Alice was glad; she didn't want to be around anyone right then. Not even Roach and he could usually make her feel better but right then the thought of him just made her feel worse. She felt horrible about the way that she treated him but she didn't understand why she had treated him like that. Her mother had told her that she'd either yell and yell or cry and cry. It felt like she was doing both at the same time and she was confused about it too, she wasn't told that she'd yell at her best friend. She moved her hand down to see if putting it one her stomach would make it feel better and gasped. Her stomach was a big bigger and it wasn't soft like fat. Her sister said that this would happen if she was pregnant. That scared her, she didn't want to be pregnant, she didn't want to have a baby even if it was Roach's. She was startled as another though occurred to her, it might not be Roach's. She had kissed Fool too. That thought scared her more than anything because having Roach's baby was one thing but what would Roach do if the baby wasn't his? He'd know that she kissed Fool and it wasn't even a practice kiss and she had even enjoyed it. What would Fool do? What would Roach do? What would she do? What would the baby look like? Would it be a boy or a girl? All these questions made her level of panic grow as she bit her nails. She almost wished that she was back imprisoned in the house, at least then she didn't have to worry about these things. She rolled over and faced her wall or pictures. She had used up almost twenty rolls of film in the small amount of time since she got the camera and was surprised that no one got mad at her or punished her. It was the main reason she liked her real parents, they never yelled at her or punished her and they even let her speak even though unless something new happened she didn't have that much to say. She looked at the pictures she had taken of the rooms in her house and Roach's, of the outside, of the TV, of her family and Roach's, of Roach and Fool. She had taped them to her walls when she ran out of space in her photo albums. She reached over and laughed as she pulled a funny picture from the wall. It was her and Roach and Fool and they were all sticking their tongues out for the camera and Fool didn't well as he saw Roach's tongue stump which looked a lot better now a days in her opinion. She put it back on the wall and picked another one off the wall. She had taken it of Roach when he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful and good to her. She laughed as she remembered how he stumbled around half blind from the flash. It wasn't all that funny at the time though, she had been very scared for him and he looked at bit mad but he didn't do anything about it. She put it back on her wall and picked up on of Roach just smiling his big, toothy smiled for the camera.

**'Kiss me Roach, kiss me like you cinnamon kissed me before.' **Thought Alice as she kissed his picture and put it back on her wall with the others in its perfect one inch space from the other pictures on the wall. She liked order. Order was good. Order was safe and safety was all that mattered. She sometimes felt completely safe around her family and other times she felt like hiding from them or what they might do to her. It was a fear that never quite left her like her fear of cellars or dogs. She knew that she had nothing to fear from the cellar because she had checked and saw no people with their eyes or ears or tongues cut out, just a lot of old stuff that had gone unused for what looked like years.

**'Oh dear Lord!' **Thought Alice as she hugged her knees to her chest as she felt a particularly sharp pain. This was hell on her. Sometimes she wished she was a boy because nothing like that ever happened to boys as far as she knew which she suspected wasn't very far at all. She wondered how long it would take for the pain medicine to take effect or if the pain was too much for even the medicine to get rid of. It seemed to her like it was. Life had become so much more difficult since her escape. Before she used to just have to be a good girl and look pretty but now all the rules were blurred and she wasn't even a child anymore. She wouldn't trade her new freedom for anything though, that she knew. It may have been easier to play that good little girl but it was a terrible life she had and she liked her new life. She felt a bit bad for Roach though, he was even more confused and scared and hurt than she was, she could see it in his eyes and the way he carried himself. She felt bad for him also because he had been with his real family for less time after their escape than her. He had to spend two weeks in the hospital for several things. She only had to spend two days in the hospital because she was in better health than him and she thought that he might have been jealous of her. In the two weeks he was in the hospital she feared for him more than she had ever feared for him before. She feared that he might die which wasn't a new fear for her but it was new because now if he died he wouldn't ever get to live free like he used to. He always talked about his life before the house to Alice and she always listened fascinated. They talked of their big, grand dreams of being free and escaping but never around Mommy and Daddy because that was speaking evil. They spoke of their dreams in secret but they both knew that they could never escape, they were just too scared. Their dreams remained foolish fairytales never to be acted upon and they feared that their lives would stay that way until they committed some huge infraction or either they or Mommy and Daddy died. When they did act on their plan of escape it had disastrous consequences. Roach had taken all the blame, he knew that the punishment for him would be only having his tongue cut out but for Alice it would be death because such evil, wicked, sinful things as escape could be expected from boy children, that was why there were so many in the cellar. Alice blinked back tears as she remembered the three days of Roach's cries of pain as he was tortured but she gave no indication that she heard them, which would have been hearing evil and she would have been up there tied to the bolt too. She remembered her silent tears as Daddy proclaimed that the people under the stairs had killed him because when he looked between the bars of the corral Roach was no where to be found. She remembered that fear she had felt at first when she didn't know what the off pitch wails were and she remembered how for the first time in her life she was happy, really truly happy, when he crawled out of her vent and hugged her. She also felt the extreme concern as she saw the weight he had lost and the cuts, scrapes, bruises, and little red marks that lined his body. She remembered how for the first time he shied away from her touch and looked at her like she was going to do something horrible to him. That scared her. She didn't ever want Roach to be afraid of her. She could see it in his bright blue eyes when her hand went for his arm in an act of comfort. He was her only friend. She remembered how for the first time she could put a label on that strangely amazing but also scary feeling that she felt for for quite a bit of time before that for Roach. Love. She knew what it was but she didn't know how she knew it. She just did. She had never felt that way about anyone before. She wanted to tell him but something was always stopping her. It was like there was this nagging at the back of her mind that he may not love her back so she kept it to herself. Who would she tell anyway? She knew better than to tell Mommy and Daddy because good little girls didn't fall in love with bad little boys who spoke evil and tried to escape into the horrible, sinful outside world. She wouldn't ever tell Roach either for obvious reasons so she stayed contented to continue their best friend relationship as it was. She still snuck little glances at him when she thought he wasn't looking. She didn't know why she liked to look at the man he had become, even know she didn't completely know but there was something about him. There was just something about his tall, thin, lanky, slightly muscled frame that she just loved. Around the time that she had started noticing these things in the thoughts and dreams that had started around the time her chest got bouncier and her hips wider much to Mommy's anger and they hadn't stopped since then. If anything they were getting worse but Alice both liked and hated them. She liked what happened in the dreams but the thoughts were what threw her off and confounded her. At the most random times she'd think about Roach. She think about kissing him, seeing his muscles without the tattered shirt she had made for him when he outgrew the shirt he had been sent down there in, feeling his warmth next to her on her bed as they both slept so peacefully. She had other thoughts to which alarmed her more than anything else her mind had ever conjured up. She'd imagine him kissing her so deeply his tongue stump was in her mouth and tracing her tongue and licking her teeth clean or anything that may have accumulated. She'd imagine his hands tracing every part of her, parts which she herself didn't even touch even though it felt good, until they got to the zipper of her dress and slowly began to unzip it until she stood there completely exposed for him and the strange thing was she liked having him look at her while she was like that. She'd imagine other things too which she was sure that she shouldn't because she was a very good girl child and good girl children didn't think about those kinds of things. She knew that Roach did though but it was alright for him, he was a very bad boy child but that was one of the things she liked about him. She loved the way he didn't listen to Daddy when he ordered him to go back to the cellar. He never listened to either Mommy or Daddy after escaping from the cellar. He was the man without fear, he was Roach. He feared neither death nor life, neither the dark nor the light, neither Mommy nor Daddy and Alice wished that she had no fear too. Well, he feared some things that he had confided in her about while making her promise to keep it in the utmost secrecy. He feared the day Mommy would cut out her doe like brown eyes, small cute ears, and tongue from which the kindest words he had ever heard out and lock her in the cellar. That was his biggest fear, the day she became like the people under the stairs. The day she became like him. He had told her that if that ever happened to her he was going to kill Daddy. There would be blood on his hands, blood for her. He would have done it a long time ago but he was just too scared. He was scared of having blood on his hands. He was even more scared that he might like it. He never wanted to be like Daddy, to like it. He was afraid of someone named Boss too. He had confided in Alice that Boss had taken him as a slave and made him do horrible things, things he wouldn't talk about no matter how much she begged and pleaded with him to tell her. She didn't know what he meant but she suspected that it had to do with the little red marks on his neck that looked an awful lot like bite marks when she got up close to him. She felt like a slave too, or maybe a puppet. A good girl puppet hanging from the strings of fear bound to her by the demons know as Mommy and Daddy. She wished that she knew their real names, they weren't her mommy and daddy and they never were. They were nothing but thieves. Child thieves. Child snatchers snatching her when she was a baby. Baby snatchers. That was what they were; a couple of baby snatchers destined to burn in hell. She hoped that they burnt in hell. Eternally in hell. And when they did she'd dance on their graves. Yes, that would be wonderful.

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"What you gonna say Fool? How you gonna explain this? You could go to juvie ya know!" said Fool's mother as she lectured her son. She never wanted any of her children or grandchild to fall into that life. A life run by crime where morals were forever forgotten and life expectancies were low. She had thought that he was smarter than that, smarter than to get swept up in that life because once you were in that life you never got out.

"I'm gonna say that Roach gave 'em to me, mama. It's the truth." Said Fool as he pleaded with his mother. She was up and about and feeling much better. She felt well enough to worry apparently. She was worried for her son because technically he was stealing the coins that paid for their new home. Technically because the coins weren't given to him by the real owner. Fool didn't understand why his mother was freaking out so much, they had all that they had ever wanted since the times became hard. They had a nice house, no crack addicts or cockroaches or mice or rats or any other type of vermin. They were near a decent school system and compared to where they used to live their new neighborhood was Beverly Hills. To say that he wasn't a bit worried would have been lying. He knew that the coins weren't really Roach's to give and he knew that he was breaking and entering but he tried not to dwell on it like he tried not to dwell on anything that he had seen in that house even though what he had seen lived on in his dreams, his nightmares.

"They weren't his to give!"

"I don't care! Look at what we got now, don't ruin it, please mama." Said Fool softly. He never in his dreams could have imagined something like this. Ever. He always assumed he'd live in the ghetto for the rest of his life so it turned out that helping Leroy and Spencer case the Robeson house had been a blessing in disguise. A pretty big disguise, to tell the stone cold truth.

"He's got a point you know." Said Grandfather Booker who had come to stay in their already cramped apartment. He worried about his grandson but he was grateful that they could all live in this new place, this better place. He was at first happy that his daughter had gotten out of the ghetto but then was so disappointed when she shacked up with that man and they lost everything. By that time crack and other drugs had made their way into the ghetto making everything ten times worse. Booker had seen that ghetto go from a descent neighborhood with a few poor people, to a poor neighborhood, to a ghetto in his sixty-five years of life.

"Daddy, I'm grateful; but it wasn't the boys place to be doin' that and now he could get in real trouble

"Mama, I dun the cards, he gonna be OK." Said Ruby as she tried to get her mother to sit down

"Don't you start with them damn cards! I told you to look out fer ya brother and you let him rob our landlords! Why didn't you just put him in the cell yourself?!"

"Mama, you gotta sit down. Yer still weak." Said Fool. She sat down and calmed down a bit but worry was still evident on her face. Fool went to his room and decided to lay down for a bit. He wasn't sleeping well as of late because of the nightmares. Boys and what looked like a couple girls with cut out eyes, ears, and tongue filled his dreams as he was chased around by a man in a black leather gimp suit through the small, claustrophobic walls. Gun shots ran out and he couldn't get Leroy's last words to stop playing in his head over and over like stuck record. Sometimes he dreamed of just Leroy' death and that was the worst. Fool had never seen death before that day, he had just heard the gun shots that came with it and sometimes the screams. He'd always have nightmares after that, especially bad ones if the screams of the agony of death could be heard. He sometimes had nightmares about Roach and those confused him. He wasn't that afraid of Roach but there was still a bit or weariness to be found when he was around his new friend. Roach made him nervous and he tried his best not to show it. Fool could tell that he had a few screws loose but he still visited Roach from time to time or when they'd run into each other as they sometimes did in the almost four weeks Fool had been living in his new apartment. He just couldn't get Roach's off pitch wails out of his head, he couldn't get the image of his half rotten tongue stump from behind his eye lids. He wanted to get the sound of Roach's agonized screams from his mind but he couldn't. He supposed that it might have had something to do with the fact that he spent so much time around Roach. He sometimes caught the odd glimpse of Roach's exposed tongue stump when he ate or a glimpse of the now stitched hole that was torn in his side. The very worst nightmares Fool had were of the people under the stairs. He remembered the empty eyes of those who had eyes and the scars and cuts that lined them all. He remembered how their long unkempt nails felt as they dragged him towards someone with their eyes cut out and a pot on his head. He remembered their cellar with crystal celerity and he hated it. He had tried not sleeping for a bit of time but fell asleep after three days. He needed a shrink and he knew it but they didn't have a lot of money for those kinds of things. He wished that Roach would have given him more of his coin collection. He knew that it was selfish but a little more would have gone a long way. He briefly wondered what kinds of nightmares Roach had, Alice had, and the people under the stairs had. He supposed that it would have been worse for them because they lived everyday of their lives for God knows how many years. Fool wondered about them. Who were they? How long were they down there for? Were they all stolen or were some of them the Robeson's blood children? He'd have to ask Roach later because he was falling into a deep sleep and he couldn't stop himself. During his nap he dreamt once again about the house and the people.

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Roach wrapped his hands in gauze. They had stopped bleeding but they weren't exactly pleasant to look at. He sighed as he straightened one pf the fakes that covered where the skin had grown back over a popped nail that had popped off long ago. This day wasn't going all to well. He had made his mother cry and Alice hadn't come over, hadn't even called. He feared that something might have happened to her. A million different visions of what could have happened to her ran through his mind. Most of them involving her being locked in her basement or killed. Those made his heart stop beating for a moment and his breath get hitched in his throat. He didn't want anything bad to happen to her. Ever. He was going to protect her with every last ounce of life he had until the day he died. He wondered if she was in the hospital. She had been acting strange so she could have been sick. He was thrown from his worries as he heard the kitchen door open. He wondered if it was his mother who had gotten up and he left the bathroom to investigate. He crept slowly down the stairs as not to alert anyone of his presence. That was the bets thing he had ever learned in his opinion; how to be so silent no one ever knew he was there in the rafters and behind the walls until he got bored and made his presence know. He opened the kitchen door and risked a peak. It wasn't his mother, it was Donna. She stood at the counter mixing something up teary eyed and her nose stuffed. She had makeup smeared on her face and he didn't know if she noticed. He decided to make his presence know as he walked up to her. She looked like she could use a hug and so could he. The day so far had been one of the most emotionally draining of his life. He would have tapped her on the shoulder but he wasn't all to sure what her policy on being touched was so he cleared his throat. Donna turned around and almost dropped the glass of chocolate milk she had been mixing. There he stood, her brother. She had read the last part of his journal and that made the dam of her emotions break apart. In the last part he wrote a few poems, some about himself, some about his love for Alice, some about the people under the stairs, and some about revenge. He also wrote about how he was made an example of in front of everyone. She read about him being beaten mercilessly for insubordination and then he had the closest thing ever to having his virginity taken. He had been forced on his back and someone who he wasn't sure who, he had his eyes closed, laid on top of him and mimicked the missionary position. That had lead to a torrent of silent sobs into her pillow for almost half an hour as he recounted in horrifying detail about every thought he had, every feeling he felt, all the hatred and self loathing as well as hatred for the person who was on top of him, everything. She actually threw up as she read about what he had to do for the person next. It was just to horrible for words and yet there they were in black ink all over a college ruled page. He was still a virgin though and she was grateful for that but she still felt bad for him. She almost wished that she had never read his journal, never pried into his personal thoughts and memories. She stifled tears as she looked at him and he noticed. He handed her a paper towel and she took it gratefully and wiped her tears.

'**What's with her? What's she got to be sad about? Is she crying? Why the hell is she crying?! What the hell has she got to cry about?!' **thought Roach angrily but he instantly corrected himself, those were not thoughts that a good brother would have about his sister. He loved his sister and he didn't understand why he was having these thoughts but then again he didn't really know why he did half the stuff he did, only that he did it. She dried her tears and poured him a glass of chocolate milk and she lead him to the table. He sat down across from her and handed her the dish rag that was on the table as more tears collected behind her eyelids. She wiped it not caring that it was used to dry the dishes and blew her nose.

'**Look at him. Just look. He's been through so much, much more than anyone else on the entire planet. How does he live with himself? He thinks so lowly about himself when he shouldn't. Why the fucking hell would anyone out anther human being through that kind of torture?! What did he do to deserve this?! When I get my hands on the Robeson's there will be blood! Oh you bet there will! They'll have to re paint the room! You're not a cockroach, David! You're not a whore! You're my little brother and I love you! Does he love me too? Oh God I'm loosing it. I'm talking to myself and that's the first sign.'** Thought Donna as she sipped her milk idly and looked over at him. He was taking little sips and looked depressed. Donna decided to ask what was wrong, talking might help him and she knew that he wasn't going to see a shrink. There father had a bad opinion of all kinds of therapists ever since the neighbors said that he was a bad influence on their family because their family shrink said he was.

"David, what's wrong?" asked Donna as he swished his glass around for a bit. He looked up at her startled and for a moment he debated whether or not he should tell her and decided not to. There was absolutely no reason anyone needed to know. If he didn't tell anyone it would be like it never happened and he wanted that more than anything else in the whole, entire world. He looked down in an 'I don't want to talk about it' fashion and Donna decided to press on. She knew that he was drowning in personal torment and she wanted to save him, pull him to the surface before he did damage to himself. That was what Donna feared most of all. She feared the day when his cross would become to much for him to bear and he'd cast if off and plunge himself into the abyss. She knew that he contemplated it, he had for quite a bit of time but his love for Alice was what tethered him to the world of the living and kept him from freeing himself from the house the only way he could, by freeing his soul. Alice was safe and alright now, she didn't need a protector so his purpose, his tether was gone. It was the reason Donna had hid all the knives in the cellar, even the butter knives. She didn't want him to die, she just got him back. When they were young they were as close as a brother and sister could get without going into illegal territory. When he was stolen she actually looked for him for a bit before going into a depression at the age of six. She began to fear new people and it took her awhile to get used to people after that.

"Tell me, you'll feel better."

'_I don't want to talk about it, alright you busy body!?'_

"Just tell me, it'll make you feel better. You're feelings are like a can of soda and right now you're all shook up but if you talk about it it'll be like opening up the can."

'_I'll explode like an open shook up can of soda?'_

"No, it'll be like relieving the pressure."

'**Maybe I should. I won't tell her everything but it would feel good to get rid of some of this but then again what if it makes it worse like scratching a sore? Maybe she shouldn't know, it'll just make her ashamed or it might depress her. Lord knows it depresses me. I probably shouldn't.' **thought Roach as he shook his head 'no' a bit more forcefully

"Fine, you win." Said Donna still sitting across from him as she crossed her arms. He looked a bit contented with her answer and sipped his milk idly while looking at her with his old, bright blue eyes. Eyes identical to her own. Eyes older than the fifteen year old boy they belonged to. They were the eyes of a man, a man that had lived a hundred years. She knew when to stop pressing him for answers even though she didn't really want to but then again curiosity did kill the cat after all.

'_If Morgan was here he probably could think up a really dirty analogy for this. He seems good at it.' _Wrote Roach as he tried to have a conversation with his sister to take his mind off of things that were better left unsaid.

"Yeah, it's his best talent next to videogames and being annoying."

'_His analogy about the twinkie and the ding-dong and the crème filling was funny.'_

"And dirty, really dirty. And it stopped being funny after the third time he told it, it just started getting annoying like everything else he does."

'_He's not that annoying but I don't understand why he doesn't like me.'_

"He's just a jealous guy, always has been."

'_He's jealous of me?" _asked Roach. He couldn't believe that his brother was jealous of him. If anything he was jealous of Morgan. He would gladly switch places with Morgan even if that meant being ten years old and four and a half feet tall. He couldn't imagine anyone in the entire world being even the least bit jealous of him. It confounded him.

"Yeah. Well, you see when you were…uhh…taken he was born shortly after and mom an dad paid a lot of attention to him because he was the last boy left. They even messed up sometimes and called him David which is kinda funny in a morbid sorta way looking back on it. Anyway, it got to his head and now that you're back you've been getting a lot of attention and he thinks that he's entitled to that attention so he's trying to get it back with the innuendos and the doing these horrible things to other people and the house and stuff."

'_I had no idea. I thought that he just didn't like me.'_

"He doesn't. Well, if he got to know you he might. Trysta got to know you and she liked you. In retrospect maybe she liked you a bit too much. Huh David?" Laughed Donna a bit as she saw him blush and look down. Suddenly the yellow linoleum was the most interesting thing in the world to him as he stared at it and bit his nails from embarrassment.

'_Please don't bring that up Donna, it's not funny. It wasn't funny by a long shot. Actually it wasn't right plain and simple.' _Wrote Roach who didn't like remembering how he both kissed his sister and broke her fragile heart in the same day. He didn't like doing that but it was necessary. He knew that she wouldn't stay a child for long and she'd grow very suddenly like he did and Alice did and he knew what she'd think about then and he wasn't going to do that with his own sister. He had done many horrible things in his short life but incest wasn't going to be one of them

"OK, OK, whatever David. But still I can't believe she told you. I mean I never saw her as the type to have a crush especially on her brother. You know it seems like something Dottie would do when I think about it."

'_Dottie wouldn't, she's not as strange as people think and she's actually a pleasant person to be around. She's smart too, people just don't give her much of a chance.' _Wrote Roach who felt compelled to defend his youngest sister who he had befriended and thought was actually a very interesting person. He knew that she would do the same for him

"OK, OK you win again. Hey, can I ask you something? Don't worry, it's not about your time with the Robeson's." said Donna. Roach made an 'OK ' sign with his fingers and nodded

"Did you really kiss her?" asked Donna as Roach's eyes widened and he bit his lower lip.

'**How the hell does she know about that?! Damn it Trysta!' **thought Roach as he debated whether or not he should tell her. On the one hand if he lied it would save him from an embarrassing conversation turn but on the other he didn't want to lye to his sister and lying was speaking evil. He had done enough of that to last him a lifetime

"Well?" asked Donna genuinely curious to see if it was the truth or if Dot was just lying to her as she sometimes did.

"Yeah." Said Roach quietly as he looked down again. Donna gave him a shocked look but then started laughing. Quietly at first but then louder and louder until Morgan banged on the floor and told her to keep it down. It was just beyond belief and just a bit hilarious to her.

"I can't believe you actually-does Alice even-are you insane!" laughed Donna so hard she almost fell out of her chair. She felt bad about laughing at her brother but she couldn't stop herself. He gave her a look that clearly said that he wanted her to stop but she didn't notice. She only stopped when their mother came in awake from her peaceful sleep. Amanda yawned and looked at her children and wondered what had just transpired while she slept. Her daughter was cracking up and her son looked embarrassed beyond belief. Donna eventually stopped laughing and Roach gave her a glare before going up to his room. Amanda looked at the clock and saw how late it was and quickly got dinner out of the freezer not caring what it was. She made and froze the family's meals so she'd have less work and they'd last longer. It didn't do wonders for the taste and freezer burn made it almost inedible at times but she didn't care all that much to tell the truth. She looked over at her daughter as she took the empty milk glasses and washed them and felt a small pang of jealousy. She was jealous that her son was closer to his sister than his own mother but quickly shoved those thoughts to the nether regions of her mind because they were not thought that she should have been having about her child. Imagine that, jealous of her own children. Trysta came in and helped herself to some ice-cream before it was taken away from her by Amanda who was hoping that Trysta had gotten over her brother and moved on but apparently that was just a pipe dream.

"But mom, I need the comfort food to get over this the right way according to Rachel." said Trysta who really wanted to get over the pain and confusion she was feeling which was the only reason she had stayed at her friend Rachel's house for that amount of time because she needed advice on how to get through her ordeal.

"You can eat all the comfort food you want after dinner but right now go comfort yourself some other way. Why don't you get yourself some hot cocoa or somethin'?" said Amanda not in the mood to deal with her middle child. She was still depressed over what had transpired between her and her son just half an hour ago and wondered why she had to bring it up instead of letting it lie.

"Get her a straight jacket and a padded room, she's gone completely nuts!" said Donna as Trysta glared at her

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Quiet! Belladonna Marie Cullen how old are you?" said Amanda in no mood for one of her children's petty arguments

"Sixteen." Said Donna quietly. She didn't want to make her mother any madder

"Then why are you fighting with your ten year old sister?"

"I'm sorry but mom she really is nuts." Said Donna

"Am not!" said Trysta wondering for a moment why she was acting so much like a child before remembering that she was in fact a child

"Are too!"

"Am-"

"The next words out of your mouths better be 'I'll be quiet' or I'm separating you too. And Belladonna your sister is not nuts."

"Sorry mom but she is crazy, she kissed him. Either crazy or someone dared her." Said Donna as Trysta sputtered with a shocked look on her face

"Someone better have dared you Trystal River Cullen!" Said a chalk faced Amanda as Trysta sputtered and stuttered before making her way upstairs. As she left she gave Donna the finger when their mother's back was turned and Donna stuck out her tongue

"Is that true, Donna?" asked a slightly calmer Amanda. She couldn't believe that Trysta would do that. She couldn't believe that David would do that. Did the whole world go insane?!

"Well according to Dottie she was threatening to kiss Morgan and Fool and a bunch of other guys if he didn't kiss her so he gave her a peck on the lips and made her leave. Yeah mom, I know it's more than a little wrong but if it makes you feel better that's what he was feeling queasy about and he even threw up." Said Donna as she helped her mother break the ice off of dinner. It looked like something stew but she wasn't all to sure.

"I-I just can't believe that he would-"

"He broke up with her…sorta."

"Well that makes me feel a bit better I suppose."

"Makes me feel better too but you gotta believe that a ten year old with a crush is the least of his problems."

"He told you?" said Amanda amazed that he finally opened up even if it was to his sister. She felt a pang of jealousy. He should have confided in her, she was his mother after all.

"No I-uh" stuttered Donna. She wondered why she had opened her big mouth, she did that sometimes and was working rather unsuccessfully on stopping.

"I know that look, what did you do?" asked Amanda in an exasperated voice. She was getting tired of this.

"I might have... you promise not to get mad right?" asked Donna in a pleading voice

"Whenever you say that I do get mad, you should know that by now."

"Then maybe you shouldn't know." said Donna who feared punishment. Her mother really didn't look too much like she was in the mood and their father had been down lately.

"Donna!"

"Alright, alright. Sheesh! I may have been trying to find a tape to tape over one day and well the thing is, and you're gonna laugh at this, one rolled under the table and I went after it. you'll be happy to know that the tape is OK so you won't have to replace it which would have been a real shame."

"Stay on the subject."

"Right well you see...uh...I may have found his journal under the table when I went to grab it. I didn't even know he kept a journal."

"You read his journal?" said Amanda so quietly from the shock it was almost a whisper. She couldn't believe that Donna would invade his privacy like that. She couldn't blame her though, she would have done the same thing if given the chance to learn about the enigma that was her son but that wasn't that point

"I'm sorry but you won't believe the things I read. Mom, he's got problems, scary problems. He's got problems you wouldn't believe like-"

"You had no right!"

"Like you wouldn't have done the same thing!"

"Do as I say Belladonna, not as I do and I say give it back this instant!" said Amanda who wanted to have some alone time

"B-But-"

"Sometime before winter would be nice." said Amanda as she put the food in a pot to melt

"But then he might figure out that I read it!"

"Well that's not my problem now is it?"

"B-b-but-"

"Now!"

"OK, OK. Man, you don't gotta bite my head off." said Donna as she debated what to do. She wondered if he'd find it if she just left it under his bed. She decided to do that and slowly opened his door. She gasped as she saw him sprawled out on his ed but was relieved as she saw that he was asleep. she got close enough to slide it under his bed and stifled a gasp as he muttered something in his sleep. She looked at him, it was another nightmare. She impulsively walked up to him and kissed him on the forehead and watched his previously terrified expression soften. She left his room and blinked back a tear.

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That night's dinner didn't go well. Amanda was still feeling depressed and Donna was still sad for her brother. Morgan was both mad at Roach and just a bit afraid of him. He had been feeling scared since his outburst and looked wearily at his bandaged hands. He was afraid of what his brother was capable of. Trysta was having her own mixed emotions and David Sr. was just depressed. Roach didn't how to feel at the moment. He had had another nightmare, this time it was Alice in his place and all he could do was watch. He tried to call out to her, to pull them of of her but it was like he was a ghost. When he tried scream he made no noise. When he went to pull them off of her his hands just went through them. Just as all hope was lost something happened, he didn't know what but a good feeling spread through him and the dream changed to the one where he hunted Daddy and not the other way around. He looked at his food with shock as his mother put it in front of him.

"What is it?" asked Morgan with disgust

"It's alive!" said Dottie as she poked it with then end of her spoon. She could have sworn that she saw the brown and green mush on her moved on it's own and gasped

"It's, well it used to be somethin' stew but now I guess it's hot mush. Don't worry, it's not like we haven't eaten like this before so that's how we know that this is OK to eat." said Amanda as most of her family grudgingly ate it. Roach on the other hand just looked at it. Hands reaching through wooden bars to Mommy who had a huge pot of something like that only worse spooned only a handful into the hands of the starving people they belonged to. He remembered his hand full of the warm lumpy mush. He remembered stuffing it into his mouth quickly from not having eaten in a week. He remembered his horror as he pulled from his mouth a human finger not much bigger than his. He remembered it all coming back up. His breathing quickened and tears collected at the backs of his eyes. He stood up suddenly and to everyones surprise. He knew that he should have asked to be excused but at the moment he didn't care. He barely made it to the bathroom before throwing up. Thankfully he threw up in the toilet. He cried as he threw up but thankfully his parents knew that it was best to leave him alone while he was doing that. He got up and rinsed his mouth out with water while crying. He hated himself more than ever at that moment as the memory of the first and only time he had ever consumed human flesh ran through his mind. At that moment he was no better than the people under the stairs, no better than Mommy and Daddy, no better than an animal. He felt worse than ever at that moment, worse than when he was beaten, even worse than when he was used. At that moment he wanted to die, he welcomed death for the first time instead of fearing it and for that he scared himself. For that he hated himself. For that he was sure that he was going to burn in hell.

**'You're no better than Mommy and Daddy Cockroach! You ate that finger! You ate it! And you know what? You know what you Cockroach?! You whore! You liked it!' **thought Roach as he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He wanted to hurt himself, kill himself. That thought scared him more than anything had ever scared him before. It scared him but it also made sense. Alice was the only thing keeping him going before but now she was safe, happy, and healthy. She didn't need him anymore. She probably didn't even love him, not in the way he loved her. She had said that she liked the way he kissed her but it might have just been lust. Love and lust walked down two different roads, he should know having walked them both many times. Besides, she probably loved Fool in that way. She had seen the looks that she had given him and it hurt him. It hurt him so much but he didn't show it, he told himself that she didn't know what she was doing, didn't know that she was looking at Fool like he looked at her and Headbanger but he was starting to have his doubts. He glared into the mirror so hard he thought he might glare holes in it. He glared and glared until he couldn't take it anymore and punched the mirror as hard as he could. His fist went through and shards of glass filled his hand. He stifled a scream as he had done so many before and just let himself bleed on the bathroom floor.

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Please review, for the love of whoever please review!


	21. Not just the mirror was smashed

Disclaimer: no copyright infringement intended

"What's with him?" asked Morgan as he picked at his food with disgust

"Who knows and who cares?" said Trysta sourly as she gagged on a spoonful of something stew.

"Will you be nice for once?!" said Donna loudly as she stood up and knocked her chair over behind her. She couldn't believe Trysta would say something like that but then she remembered that Trysta didn't know, none of them did. She got questioning looks from her parents and she just stared at them in shock. Why didn't they do anything? Were they just going to let him calm himself down? Donna knew better than that because she knew him better. She knew him through the words on the pages but she didn't really know him, just his thoughts and memories.

"I'm concerned too but you know it's best to just let him be right now." Said Amanda who wanted to go to her son but past experiences told her that it would be best for everyone if he was just left to himself while he got it out of his system.

"How can you say that mom? He shouldn't be alone! He needs somebody!"

"I know what's best for him!"

"You don't even know what he's been through!"

"Oh and you know? You read his journal! That's how you know! He didn't tell you!"

"Like he could!" said Donna before she could catch herself. As soon as those words left her mouth she felt like crawling into a hole and dieing. It was the truth and it hurt.

"Belladonna Marie Cullen!" said David Sr. in shock. He had been watching his wife and daughter but heads with interest. This had been happening more and more often as the weeks progressed. He was shocked that his daughter would say something like that but it was the truth even if they didn't want to face it. He knew that they couldn't possibly pick up where they left off all those years ago but he tried anyway. He wouldn't send his son to a shrink though, he didn't have a very good opinion of them

"It's the truth Dad! His tongue's cut out! CUT OUT! If you had any idea of what he's been through, the things that have happened to him in his short life! And I'm not talking about beatings either!" said Donna still standing. Her mother looked ready to explode and her father looked at her in shock. Surely she didn't mean what he thought she meant. Not his son, never any of his children. The thought of that happening to his son, any of his children, made him sick.

"You think I don't know we can't pick up where we left off?! Well I got news for you Donna: I'm trying my best!" said Amanda who had stood up and knocked her water glass over. She had no right to question her, she was her daughter.

"Mom, he needs a shrink or you could at least watch him more carefully!"

"I do my best!" said Amanda who as still in a very bad mood from the day and the argument was making it worse

"Well do better!" said Donna who sometimes felt like the only adult in her house. Lately though her parents had picked up quite a bit of the slack and for that she was grateful

"You have no right to speak to me that way!" said Amanda reminding Donna who the parent was and who the child was.

"Look at him mom, didn't you notice how he's wearing long sleeves in August?!" said Donna who was amazed that no one had questioned him about it. They probably thought that it was just another one of those strange things he did like eat jam straight from the jar when he thought no one was around and hide in small, claustrophobic spaces for long periods of time

"He cuts himself?" said Amanda pale as a ghost. She knew that her son had problems but his was just too much. Everybody looked at Donna with shocked expressions except for Dottie who always thought that he was just cold and didn't under stand why older people always made a big deal about everything

"Why would he do that?" said Dottie not quite understanding why anyone would purposely cut themselves, cuts hurt.

"Shut up Dot, I wanna hear this." Said Morgan as he watched with fascination. He wondered who would win and

"No mom, he burns himself." Said Donna quietly looking down. She had seen his sleeve ride up on his burnt arm and the gauze had ridden up too, he didn't do a very good job since he was a righty and he had to use his left hand, and she saw part of the ugly black and red burn but she gave no indication that she had seen it. She played it cool as turned her back until he noticed and fixed his sleeve.

"How do you know? He write in his journal about that?" asked David Sr. quietly. He didn't like the fact that his daughter had read her brother's journal but he would have done the same given the chance. He considered her giving it back retribution and punish her or even bring it up

"I've seen the burn." Said Donna as she wiped her tears. She was having trouble believing that one day she was just a normal slightly self centered sixteen year old but in one moment with one phone call from the hospital had changed almost everything.

"What?" said Trysta quietly. She was mad at him but was also concerned. Partly because he was her brother and partly because part of her still liked him. She couldn't believe this, she knew he had a few screws loose but she would have never imagined anything like that.

"On his right arm, I've seen it." Said Donna shuddering as the image of her brothers burnt arm flashed in her mind

"Donna, why didn't you tell us?" asked Amanda quietly as the concern replaced all the anger in her body

"Yeah, you better have a good reason." Said David Sr. angrily but in a controlled voice

"He wouldn't have wanted me too; I know that for a fact. Besides, he's been through worse. Things you wouldn't believe if they walked up and introduced themselves."

"Why would he do that?" asked Morgan quietly. He was beginning to feel bad for trying to set his brother up and he didn't know why. He set people up all the time but with him it was different, like he was doing something bad instead of fun.

"He wanted to punish himself." Said Donna quietly who knew how he'd punish himself, make himself pay. How he'd teach himself, his body and mind, not to betray and him as it often did.

"What?!" said everyone at once. She was about to dodge the question when a crash and a slight scream and then a whimper could be heard. Everyone looked up and Donna began walking to the stairs before either of her parents

"You're not your brother's keeper!" called Amanda after her but she didn't care, she had to find her brother. Had to help her brother. She had to find him and help him through whatever he was going through because she felt bad for him and she wanted vindication. She needed vindication for not dragging him back in the other direction when the woman approached them but instead she ran back to the play area. She remembered the panic as she looked for him, she thought that he was running right behind her but he wasn't. She needed vindication for running with out, for leaving him, for condemning him to the life he was forced to live. She made him what he was and she hated herself for it.

"Well, eat before it becomes even more un-appealing!" yelled David Sr. as the remaining Cullen children stuffed the food into their mouths as fast as they could from fear of making their father any madder. Amanda just looked at her food and stifled tears that threatened to break free from the confines of her eyes.

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"David? Davey, where are you? C'mon David! Come out, come out, where ever you are! Man, that's a lame thing to say. Why'd I say that? Well, you get the idea so quite hiding and come out already!" called Donna as she looked around the small upper floor of the house. She hoped that he wasn't in the attic, she hated it up there. There were just too many memories. Memories of a time long ago before any of it happened. She wished that she had a magic clock that she could use to turn back time until it was just her, her parents, and her brother living above their grandparents in a cramped, dusty attic with very little air circulation. She called out again a few more times but it was the running water in the bathroom that alerted her to his presence. She opened the bathroom door not bothering to knock. She didn't see a reason to knock because her brother may have seriously hurt himself and he didn't have anything that she hadn't seen before because when they were young they used to bathe together. Well, that and the fact that she was by no means a virgin.

"Oh dear God!" said Donna loudly as she saw the blood on the broken mirror and the tile floor staining it all crimson and pink. She stifled several screams to the best of her ability, the scene was like something out of a horror movie with all the blood and broken glass littering the bathroom floor. Her only thoughts were of him and what he had done to himself. This what was she had feared; his suicide. She feared that he might attempt to end his life just to escape his personal hell that never left him. She didn't know that this wasn't a suicide, it was a punishment.

"Hey!" yelled a very startled Roach as he accidental fell into the half full boiling bath water. He let out a little scream as he banged himself o the tub and his unprepared body quickly began to re-blister but quickly stifled himself as he had done so many times in the past. He had heard his family arguing about him and he decided that he needed to be punished because he made them fight and he hated himself for making the home unhappy. He was a very bad boy for making them fight so he had to remind himself how hot the fires of hell would be against his ivory skin and burnt flesh if he continued his wicked, sinful ways. The water was worse than before because he now had a real burn and several scald marks on him that didn't have a chance to heal that the boiling hot water penetrated his wounds. It was hot but that was what was necessary to make him a good boy, a better boy.

"David! What the hell are you doing?! Why would you do this?! Why?! What would posses you to do this?!" yelled Donna loudly as she went to the boiling bath to pull him out scalding herself in the process. She pulled him fully dressed from the water and slapped him as hard as she could clear across the face. She didn't quite know why she did it, maybe to knock some sense into her deeply disturbed brother, but she did it. His eyes widened and he felt the place where he was slapped. The slight sting of the slap didn't bother him, he had been through much worse and come out the other side relatively unscathed. What bothered him was the fact that his sister had hit him. His sister who had told him she loved him hit him. His sister who had bought him the journal hit him. He didn't under stand why she would hit him if she loved him. It you loved someone you would never do anything to hurt that person, it was why he never hurt any of his family members.

'**She hit me. She struck me. Why? Why?! What did I do? I was just punishing myself, teaching myself. I need to learn and this is the only way God damn it! I'm such a bad, sinful, whore of a boy. A boy not a man. A man wouldn't need to punish himself like I do, like a child does. I'm such a child sometimes.' **thought Roach as the stinging subsided. He looked over at Donna who looked down at her own left hand in shock and then covered her mouth to stifled several shocked noises that came from the depths of her throat.

'**Why did I do that? Why would I hit him? He's been through so much and I hit him! I betrayed him! I betrayed his fragile trust and I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry David! He can't hear me but it doesn't matter. Please forgive me!' **thought Donna as she cried a few silent tears. Roach looked at her and backed away terrified. He was afraid of her, scared of feared for himself, he didn't want her to hit him again as woman often did to him. First Mommy, then Singer and Headbanger to a lesser extent and now his own sister. He didn't want to be in the same room as her because he feared what she would do to him, she didn't look well. Mommy got like that sometimes, she'd yell and hit him and then cry and hurt him when he tried to comfort her. He made his way slowly to the door ignoring the pain in his side from when he fell into the water, the string of the welts and burns on his skin as the shirt pulled at them, and the sharp pains that happened in his hand and wrist every time he moved them because of the tiny shards of glass

"David, wait!" said Donna as she got up and grabbed his good wrist. He pulled at her hand to free himself from her grasp. He was panicking now, it was just like before. He made a strange high pitched panicked sound as he tried to free himself in a panic. He managed to slip out of her hand and ran to his room. The only thought in his mind was to get to safety and he ran and hid under his bed.

"David, please come back! I'm so sorry!" said Donna as she followed him but he ran to his room faster and slammed the door in her face. She opened the door and looked around the room for him. She looked everywhere before she found him under the bed. He looked up at her pale as a ghost and scooted towards the wall. She moved the bed and he tried to leave the room and she blocked the exit. She tried to vindicate herself and only succeeded in making everything worse on herself. He sat in the corner with his knees hugged up to his chest and his hand and wrist still bleeding.

"Sowree. (Sorry)" said Roach quietly as he looked up at his sister terrified. He was worried that she'd hit him again and he didn't know what to do. Hell, he didn't even know that sisters could hit brothers but he wasn't going to hit her. He made a vow to himself that he would never strike or force himself on a woman no matter how badly he wanted to and he was going to abide by it, it was what separated him from the rest of the people under the stairs. That apology broke Donna's heart into tiny pieces and then stomped on them. He was apologizing to her, it was supposed to be the other way around. She just wanted to hold him and never let him go but she knew that it was best not to touch him, she shouldn't even have been near him.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hit you, you didn't deserve it. I was just so worried when I saw the blood and you boiling yourself alive and well-I'm just so, so sorry. Please forgive me, you didn't deserve it or any of the other crap you got. You're not a cockroach, you're not worthless, and you're certainly not a whore. You're a good person that bad things have happened to. You're David Mathias Cullen, not slave boy or Roach or Cockroach, or whore boy or anything else degrading like that. You're my brother and I love you and I'm just so sorry." Cried Donna as she buried her face in his chest not caring about the wetness that soaked her as well. He slowly put and arm around her and just let her cry into his soggy chest. As he held her close to comfort her he had a most peculiar thought: how did she know any of that? He let her go and took his tiny notebook out of his pocket and scribbled her down a note so quickly he thought that the paper might have caught fire as he scribbled.

'_Donna, how did you know that?' _wrote Roach who feared that she had been the one that took his journal and read all of personal thoughts, his memories, his secrets that he hadn't even told Alice and they told each other everything

"Kn-know what?" stuttered Donna who had the odd habit of doing that when she was nervous. He crossed his arms and gave her a look that clearly said 'you know what I mean'

"Oh you don't want to hear that story, how about I tell you how Dottie lost most of her pinky finger. Well you see Morgan got a BB gun for his ninth birthday and he wanted to try it out so you see he tried to shoot a target and Dot just happened to be walking by and then-"

"Dohah.(Donna.)" said Roach in the best 'don't test me' voice his breaking, off pitch voice could muster which was surprisingly good all things considered.

"Hey, when did your voice start breaking? You know I never noticed that but maybe that's because you rarely ever talk to me, I mean really talk. I hear you talk to Alice sometimes though, what's up with that? Can she understand you? How's she do that? Maybe it's because she's listened to you for so long. Weird huh?" said Donna trying to change the subject but Roach would have none of that and he gave her a demanding look as he crossed his arms.

"Alright, whatever. I'll tell you but you won't like it. The truth hurts you know, believe me I do." said Donna in a knowing voice

'_Get on with it.' _wrote Roach annoyed with her

"Aright then I will, has anyone ever told you that you have kinda bad handwriting? 'Cause you really do. Maybe it has something to do with the whole having your fingers broken so many times thing. That couldn't have been fun, breaking your fingers like that." Said Donna in a last ditch attempt to turn the subject away from his journal and to something else, anything else.

'_I can wait all night you know. I don't sleep very much.' _Wrote Roach who had had enough of this

"Really, that's interesting. We should talk more about that you and me. Oh, sorry I said talk. I can talk and you can listen and write. How's that sound?"

'**She's worse than Messenger! At least with Messenger he usually cracks by now! Though I wish he hadn't about some things, mainly his thoughts on me. I didn't need to know that he thought about me like but I'm eternally grateful he's so small and can't do anything but fantasize.' **Thought Roach as he let out a huffy breath

'_Either you tell me how you know those things or I stick out my tongue stump.' _Wrote Roach relating to drastic measures. Well, desperate times called for desperate measures he supposed. That one little threat did what several minutes of begging couldn't. He wondered why he didn't just do that in the first place

"OK, I read your journal." Said Donna looking at the floor. If she could have seen his expression she would have turned tail and ran to her room as fast as she could for all she was worth

"Whuh? (What?)" said Roach as he picked at his ear. He was sure that he must have misheard her. She wouldn't invade his privacy like that, he was sure of it.

"I'm sorry but I found it and when I picked it up it opened and I read that page and then another and another until I finished. I'm sorry David, I was just curious but you need to know, it wasn't your fault. You did absolutely nothing to warrant them doing that to you. You're not a whore David, you're not. No one is ever going to touch you, hurt you again."

"Weh iss ih?(Where is it?)" said roach quietly with an unnameable look on his face. He felt angry, violated, horrified, and dirty. He felt so incredibly dirty then, he felt like he had just thrown up on himself and then rolled in it. He felt worse than when the first time he had ever shared Rateyes' bed, what he had to do to share that bed, the first time he had ever raised his voice to Alice due to her prying about the love bites on his neck and the distant look in his eyes which had aged so much by that time, the first and only time he had ever consumed human flesh and the feelings of sickness that had come with it. All of his thoughts, feelings, memories, fantasies, all of it. It was all there, on display for his sister to see. She knew. She knew everything. Every beating, cut burn and drowning. Every harsh word and punishment, every threat, every feeling. She knew all of it, the things he did, the things he was forced to do, the things Messenger had taught him to do. She knew everything. She knew his fantasies both of revenge and sex with either Headbanger or Alice. She knew his loves and the confusion that came with them, she knew everything and it made him sick.

"What?" asked Donna quietly as she inched her way to the door. He looked like he was ready to kill if not seriously hurt her.

_'Where the fucking hell is it?!' _wrote Roach as his breath began to quicken and his hands clenched themselves into fists. He bit his tongue stump as his knuckles turned an ivory white and his nails dug themselves into the palms of his hands drawing the crimson liquid from his veins. He wanted to hurt her, to bash her pretty little face in until it was unrecognizable, to torture her in much the same way Daddy had tortured him. When he looked at her he no longer saw the face of the caring, concerned sister; he saw everyone that had ever wronged him, hurt him, made him feel lower than the dirt between his toes. The only thing stopping him from acting upon the urges he felt was the vow he made to himself what felt like years ago but was in reality just a few short months; he was never, ever going to hurt a woman no matter how badly she had wronged him, violated him.

"I-I slipped it under your bed earlier today while you were sleeping. I'm sorry David, for everything. I'm sorry I lost control and slapped you, I'm sorry I read your journal, I'm sorry that I didn't look behind me when I ran from that Robeson bitch, and well let's just say I'm sorry for most of our interactions and relationship up to this point" cried Donna as she left in tears. She felt like taking a page out of her brother's book and punish herself, make herself pay. She had tried to help him but now he probably hated her. She just wanted to help, just to help.

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"Whaddaya think their doin' up there?" asked Dottie curiously. They were attempting and failing at making it business as usual. Everyone was either angry, depressed or just plain curious. They had never seen their mother so angry, their father so defeated, their sister so defiant, and there brother had never done anything like that before that they knew of. They were all pretty shaken about the things they had just learned about him. They knew that he wasn't quite right in the head but they had never imagined him burning himself but it would explain a lot, mostly why he was wearing long sleeves. They had just thought that he was hiding the scars that ran up and down his arms like railroad tracks but they had never imagined that he'd punish himself, do himself harm. David Sr. still stayed on his policy about therapy from fear of having everything blamed on him even though he felt it was his fault. He shouldn't have gotten Amanda pregnant a so soon after having Donna and he shouldn't have left her alone with them that day and now he was paying the consequences by watching his son suffer and slowly destroy himself.

"Dottie, eat your food and don't think about what's goin' on with them." Said Amanda who felt completely rotten on the inside and jealous of Donna. She knew that it was wrong to be jealous of her own daughter but she had no control over it. That should have been her up there comforting him, chasing his inner demons away, not his sister who was only older by just one year. she felt like the worst mother in the world. She felt sick to her stomach and there was a chalky taste in her mouth as she choked down every freezer burnt bite of her sloppily made meal. She felt a torrent of emotions that threatened to consume her at any time

"I just wanna know." said Dottie quietly as she gagged on a spoonful of something stew. She felt quite a bit of concern for her other brother and friend. She knew that something was wrong with him, that was obvious, but she had no idea that he would ever intentionally hurt himself. That made absolutely no sense to her but then again she was only six.

"Well maybe there are some things we're better off not knowing." said David Sr. shaken at the news of his son's actions

"You're right dad, we are better off not knowing. I know I was." said a Crying Donna as she came down the stairs and went to her room in tears

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Yes, I know it's short but let's see how well you guys do with a fever of 102.


	22. Midnight bonding and no more rules

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended

Roach stayed in his room for the rest of the night. He didn't want to face his family, he couldn't face his family. He couldn't look at the pity and worry in their eyes, he didn't want their kind words, he didn't want them to be near him. He didn't deserve them. They knew. They knew how bad he was, how he needed to be punished, how no matter how hard the blows landed upon his fragile form, no matter how hot or deep the water was it never penetrated deep enough to banish the wicked sinfulness from his soul. He hoped that they didn't try and punish him themselves even though he knew deep down that he deserved it. He was the worst son in the world and wouldn't be surprised if his parents killed him or at least locked him in the cellar. That scared him but he knew that he deserved much worse. He reached under his bed and pulled out his journal. It seemed dirty somehow because Donna had read it. It just didn't seem right anymore, like someone had spat on it. He felt filthy and violated like he had before. He didn't want anybody to know about any of it. He just wanted the past to stay in the past and the present to remain the present, he didn't want them coming together like that. He didn't want to be alone in his dark room then. He didn't know where he wanted to be but he knew that it wasn't in his room, in his house, on the planet. He knew that he wanted to be with Alice, needed to be with Alice. He needed to be with the woman he loved, she would make him feel better as she had done so many times in the past. He needed her plush lips resting against his in one of their semi innocent non intimate kisses. He wanted her to hold him, kiss him, rub his back and tell him everything was going to be alright as he had done for her so many times in the past after a nightmare or some sort of cruel punishment. He needed her like cereal needed milk, like Lucy needed Ricky, like Scribe needed Singer, like Messenger needed Scrump. He needed her scent, her touch, her soft rose petal kiss. Well, that and a cigarette. He really needed a cigarette very badly, he suspected that he was addicted from the years of Daddy having him smoke them. He wanted something, anything to take his mind off of his current situation. He turned onto his side and looked at the Polaroid picture of him and Alice both smiling big and blinked back tears that threatened to break free and stream down his face. He didn't want to be alone, he wanted her or maybe Headbanger or Messenger or maybe even Fool. He felt closer to his friends than his own parents and it bothered him. He just wished that the previous day had never happened, that most of his life up to that point had never happened.

**'Why? Why?! Why me? Why me god damn it?! I was a child! I was a fucking child and you let her take me! Imprison me! What did I do God to warrant that kind of torture?! I'm probably the most righteous of the people under the stairs. I still believe in you even after off of that! As of now though I feel my faith fading as my situation goes from great to bleaker than Messenger's empty eyes. What do I do? What?! Everything is swirling inside of me like a blender and my feelings are the smoothie. I'm so confused! I think I may hate my own sister. I've forgiven my mother and I hold no grudge against my father who hasn't wronged me in the slightest. I miss them but I know I'm unworthy of them. Wait, I know but they don't. Do they? I hope to God that Donna had the decency not to tell them. I know all about my past and my status but they know nothing. They don't know that I'm unworthy and I'm going to keep it that way. I just have to play the happy boy instead of the good boy and then everything will be OK and we'll all be a happy family. Happy, happy family!' **and with that Roach left his bed. It wasn't that late, only midnight, but he was sure that his parents would be asleep. He walked slowly to their room and went even slower into their bed. He knew he was unworthy of this, all of this, but he didn't quite care at the moment. He just wanted to feel safe, to feel loved. Usually when the loneliness got to be too much for him he would slip into bed with Alice and leave before she or Mommy or Daddy woke up but he'd have to settle on sleeping cramped between his parents. He slipped under their blanket and wedged himself between them grateful for once about how skinny he was. He looked at both of his parents for a moment, his time between the walls and under the stairs having given him good night vision, his mother seemed to be sleeping semi peacefully but his father was having a nightmare and muttering something about it not being his fault and algebra homework being late. This both confused and scared Roach so he moved a bit closer to his mother but he wouldn't leave their bed, he needed them. He pulled the blanket over them and tucked both of them in simultaneously.

"I douh hay yoo. I cuh eveh hay yoo. Yur muh mutuh eh I luv yoo.(I don't hate you. I could never hate you. Your my mother and I love you.)" said Roach quietly as he moved a lock of hair from her slightly wrinkled face. He kissed her on the cheek and let himself fall into the bliss of sleep where he could never physically be hurt.

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"David Mathias Cullen the third you stand accused before this court of being the world's worst father. How do you plead?" said a judge in official looking robes in a powdered wig. David Sr. wondered how he got to a courtroom and why he was wearing a striped convicts uniform with a lead ball attached to his foot. He looked around, everyone he ever knew was glaring at him from the courtroom and Abraham Lincoln was giving him the finger from the juror's box. This was beyond strange.

"Not guilty your honor." said David Sr. trying to defend himself but failing miserable as the entire courtroom, including his family, booed him and gave him the thumbs down.

"Let's look at the evidence your honor. Bwak! This man lost his first born son to be tortured and God knows what else. Bwak! Messed up his other four children, and worked his beautiful, amazing, intelligent and still sexually appealing wife to practical insanity." said the lawyer which for some reason was a giant chicken in a suit and tie.

"What does the defense have to say?" asked the judge as he hit David Sr. with his gavel and a conga line of clowns and mimes in fruit hats danced behind him.

He wished that he was having a different dream, any other dream, than this one. Hell, he would have taken the winning the Super Bowl naked dream above the one he was currently having.

"Hey! What was that for?!" cried David Sr. as he rubbed his head and glared at the judge

"For being a bad father." said the judge as everyone, including his own children, agreed with him. That hurt him like a thousand knives of fire cutting into his very soul

"I'm a damn good father! Just ask my kids!" shouted David Sr. as he turned towards his family

"It's his fault I can't meet new people!" said Donna who for some reason was dressed as a southern belle down to the bonnet and umbrella

"It's his fault I tried to make my brother's life worse even though he's been to hell and back!" said Morgan who was dressed as Tweedel Dee and even had a name tag

"It's his fault I'm so messed up I have a crush on my own brother!" said Trysta who was dressed as Tweedel Dum and also had a name tag

"It's his fault I think a UFO is gonna take me back to E.T.'s home planet!" said Dottie who was standing on the ceiling

"It's his fault I never went to college and have wrinkles at thirty-two!" said Amanda who appeared as an old lady

"It's his fault I can't talk and wet the bed almost every night from nightmares!" said Roach in a deep and clear voice. That astounded David Sr. as he ran up to his son as best as the lead ball would let him. He held him close as he cried into his son's black and white checkered suit.

"You spoke! I can't believe you actually spoke!" said David Sr. so happy that there were tears collecting in his eyes as several other ran down his face and onto his oldest son.

"Yeah, no thanks to you!" said dream Roach as he pushed him away. This broke David Sr.'s heart into a thousand tiny pieces and stomped on them. He didn't feel well at all and he wanted to wake up but he couldn't. He was trapped. It was morbidly funny in way, that a dream was the only way he could face the reality and truth of his situation. The truth of the situation was that it was his fault. Everything. He shouldn't have gone to have fun with his friends and left his pregnant wife alone with two screaming children in his parents house. He should have taken her with him and left the children with his parents instead of being a selfish twenty one year old enjoying the fact that he could legally drink. That was also morbidly funny, the fact that he had two children, a wife, and two more children on the way just as he became old enough to drink.

"S-son I don't understand." said David Sr. quietly as he wiped his tears

"What's not to understand?! It's your fault all of this happened to me! You just had to go have fun and leave me with mother and Donna and I payed the price! My tongue is cut out! My body is beaten, bruised, burned, and broken! All that time I was only about two and a half miles away! You passed that house so many times but you never knew I was there suffering! Dieing!"

"I-I didn't know."

"Didn't know or didn't care?! You gave up on finding me! You abandoned me!"

"I-I didn't mean too, you've got to understand!"

"Understand more of your lies! That's all you ever did, lie! You lied about where you were going! You lied about things getting better! You lied about almost everything when I was young!"

"I'm sorry about everything!"

"Sure you are! You're sorry and I'm going to host daytime TV's biggest talk show."

"Son, I'm sorry and I love you."

"Sure you do." said Roach callously as he crossed his arms. David Sr. was lead back before the judge in tears so the jury could deliver the verdict

"Has the jury of long dead political figures reached their verdict?" asked the judge

"We have you're honor. We find the defendant guiltier than John Wilkes Booth is guilty of assassinating me."

"David Sr. I sentence you to five hundred years hard labor in the diamond mines until you learn to be a better father."

"No! I am a good father! I am! I am! And how will working in a diamond mine make me a better father?" Yelled David Sr. as he was dragged away by two identical faceless guards

"It just will, don't question me!" yelled the judge as he banged him on the head with his gavel harder that time making David Sr. curse out in frustration

"Will you stop that?!"

"Why don't you make me?!"

"I will! You better believe I will!"

"Then it'll be your fault when you get hurt like everything else is!"

"Yeah!" called out the entire court room in agreement

"Now we can blame him for everything!" yelled his own mother

"Yeah, It's you're fault I'm old, boy!" yelled his father with his gray hairs and wrinkled face as he leaned heavily on a cane

"I'm sorry but why do you have a cane? You can run circles around me."

"It's your fault having all of these children ruined my body!" said Amanda as she jabbed her finger in his face

"I'm sorry Amanda! Please forgive me!"

"It's your fault I'm so strange and friendless!" yelled Dottie from the ceiling

"I'm sorry, Dottie but you're not strange, you just have a quirky personality!"

"It's your fault I can't talk and I spent my whole life suffering!" yelled Roach as he opened his mouth to reveal nothing, not even a tongue stump

"I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!"

"It's your fault that more Americans prefer Coke to Pepsi!" said a giant can of Pepsi

"I'm sorry!" yelled David Sr. as he got down on his knees and begged them to stop but they didn't, they wouldn't. Over and over again they yelled at him, blamed him for everything, even things that were out of his control but he didn't correct them as their accusations grew more and more wild

"Bailiff, take him away." said the judge as he was dragged towards the door

"No please!" said David Sr. as he was dragged off

"Sorry, no second chances. Everyone pass in your algebra homework" said the judge as everyone complied

"I don't have it. I'm sorry!" said David Sr.

"Mr. Cullen, are those your underpants?!" said the judge who had morphed into his ninth grade teacher. He put his hands in front to himself to hide his bright blue underpants with the bunnies from everyone

"Not having your homework is one thing but coming before without clothing is a whole other thing entirely" said the judge as everyone began to point and laugh and he blushed red

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David Sr. woke up with a start, that was a horrible nightmare. In his terror he briefly wondered why all of his nightmares ended in him forgetting his homework and coming to school in his underwear. He breathing came out heavy and he was sweating up a lake. He reached over for the bedside lamp and turned it on. When he did he jumped back into the metal frame of the bed and hurt his shoulder slightly. His son was sitting there on the bed exceedingly close to him. So close that their noses were practically touching.

"David! What the hell are you doing here?!" whispered David Sr. loudly. He wasn't angry, just startled. He didn't expect his son in his bed and in such close proximity with him. Roach looked at his father terrified and then began to scoot quickly away in fear but he was stopped when David Sr. grabbed his arm

"I didn't mean to scare you but what the hell are you doing here?" asked David Sr. still a bit shaken up. Roach mimed sleeping and snored a bit. He didn't mean to make his father mad, he just wanted to be around them, to be safe. He should have stayed in his room or better yet some small, claustrophobic space like in the chimney or the crawlspace under the kitchen floor.

"Don't take this the wrong way but I didn't think you'd be sleeping with us with all of the…er… unpleasantness that went on earlier. I honestly thought you were mad at us." Whispered David Sr. as his wife stirred.

'**Am I mad at them? I'm a bit mad at mother and really furious at Donna but not at him. Why would he think that I was mad at him? Do I do something mean to him? I don't think I did, I mostly steer clear of him, he scares me a bit. I wonder why he still scares me, he hasn't hurt or even threatened me. I better just nod my head no and go back to my bed or maybe the crawlspace under the kitchen or maybe even the cabinets under the kitchen sink. I'm not so sure that I'll fit in the cabinet under the bathroom sink but that ones safer because it's smaller and small spaces are very safe. Why am I still worried about my own safety? The outside is very safe but for some reason I'm still on edge. I better ask Alice next time I see her, she's good at thinking stuff like this.' **After much deliberation Roach nodded his head 'no' and pointed at his father. He nodded his head 'yes' and pointed at his mother but then pushed his index finger and his thumb together meaning 'a little'. David Sr. apparently got the jist of it.

"You're mad at your mother? Why?" asked David Sr. Roach began to mime writing, he didn't have his tiny notebook with him and his father didn't understand him like Alice did. Amanda began to stir and mutter something about the Oscar going to her.

"We better talk about this somewhere else then get going back to bed, it's one in the morning you know." Said David Sr. exhausted but he wouldn't ever pass up the chance to be with his seldom seen oldest son even if it was one in the morning. Besides, he had the day off tomorrow. They made their way downstairs and passed an asleep Morgan who had passed out in front of the TV from exhaustion in front of he scrambled Playboy channel.

"I'll let this one go because it's so damn late and I'm really not in the mood to deal with him the little-well I'm not in the mood to deal with him." Said David Sr. as he took the remote that was caught in Morgan's hand. Roach blinked for a moment and stared at the TV. It was better than the twenty year old magazines he had found up in the attic. He had been hurt before but never by a woman so he thought that woman were alright to be with but not boys. He wondered why that didn't work for Messenger but then again lots of things were wrong with Messenger.

"You like that huh? Well you can get away with it. You know why?" said David Sr. surprising Roach, he had forgotten that his father was right there next to him and he blushed a bit and was grateful that it was so dark in the room. Roach shrugged his shoulders as a reply

"Because you're fifteen and that shows me that you're not that messed up. You know, in the head." Said David Sr. who spoke frankly about most things. He was grateful that his son wasn't that messed up but then again he couldn't have been all too sane either to burn himself. Roach made and OK sign with his fingers and his father led him to the kitchen and turned the light on while trying to ignore the extreme discomfort as their pupils dilated.

"Shit that hurts!" muttered David Sr. as he went to the fridge and got himself and his son a beer. He handed it to Roach who held it curiously. He had never drank before and didn't even know that he was allowed

"It'll help you sleep, trust me. Don't worry, one beer isn't gonna make you drunk but I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell your mother about this." Roach nodded and made an 'OK' sign with his fingers as he took a drink. He gagged a bit, that was awful. His father didn't seem to have much of a problem with it though.

"Yeah, it takes some getting used to. You ever done anything like this before?" asked David Sr. curious about his son. He really didn't know too much about his son and it bothered him. He didn't care that it was one o'clock in the morning and he didn't care that they might wake some people up. All that mattered was that he was sitting at the kitchen table having a civil if not a bit one sided for obvious reasons conversation with his oldest son. He stifled a laugh as he rubbed what was left of his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He knew that it was wrong to laugh but to him it just looked so very funny as his face scrunched up and he rubbed his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He then had a thought; could he taste. It was obvious that he could but he wondered to what extent. He had seen his son eat everything not matter how gross or sour or bitter placed in front of him. Hell, he had seen his son eat raw eggs and leftovers out of the trash can. Roach nodded his head 'no' and took another swig because it was starting to get a little better. He supposed that it was like smoking. The first time he had ever smoked it felt like he was choking to death nut after a while it got to be quite enjoyable and relaxing.

"So, why were you in our bed?" asked David Sr. who was curious. He wasn't contented with his son's 'I was tired' excuse. There was something more to that and he knew it. He wondered if his son had another nightmare or was afraid of his room or just didn't like to be alone. Roach mimed writing and David Sr. got a paper towel and a magic marker and handed them to his son

'_I was sleepy.' _Wrote Roach who didn't want to tell his father how he needed him and his mother. He didn't want him to know how weak he was, how utterly pathetic he was.

"There's more to that and you know it so spill boy." Said David Sr. who knew that he shouldn't be pushing but the events of the previous day had caused him to re think his strategy with dealing with his son. He waited for weeks and was told nothing, he had to hear it from his own daughter.

'_I didn't want to be alone.' _Wrote Roach fearing mockery. He didn't like to be mocked, degraded. He knew that he should have been used to it by then but he feared it, hated it, loathed it. The harsh words still pierced the tissue paper thin shell of his ego and he hated it. _  
_

"Well, that I can understand with all that you've been through." Said David Sr. happy to be told something, anything. He wanted to hold his son close but thought against that when he remembered how his son reached to sudden contact. That broke his heart, that his son didn't want to be touched by his own parents. When he got his hands on Eldon Robeson they were going to have to invent new words just to describe the pain that man would be in. He was going to beat him half to death, take a short break, and beat him half to death again. He was going to kill him, bury him in a shallow grave, dig him up, and kill him again. He stole his son from him for ten years and then tortured him in ways previously unimaginable. He looked across the table at his son and the man he had become. Gone was most of the slightly tall, slightly skinny, apple cheeked, rambunctious, bright eyed five year old child. In his place was a tall, skinny or rather lean by this point, pale, scarred, dull eyed fifteen year old almost man. It was amazing the change that ten years could bring to a person. He looked at his son fro just a bit more and he saw something that took his breath away with shock; part of his ear was missing. It was the top cartilage part and it had been previously hid by his semi long hair but now that hair was standing on end. He nearly dropped his beer bottle. He wanted to know how that happened, needed to know. His son had many cuts that hadn't healed right and burns both old and recent as well as several re broken bones but that seemed to be quite imperative to him. He didn't know why, it just was.

"D-David Jr., how'd that happen?" asked David Sr. quietly as he pointed to the missing tip of Roach's ear. Roach looked startled and immediately smoothed his hair down over it. He didn't like people asking about his various scars. Not a lot of people asked though, he and Alice and as of late he and Fool had an unspoken agreement not to ask, it was a need to know basis with him. He decided to tell his father from fear that he might ask Donna and she'd tell him about what had happened to him, all that had happened to him.

'_One day Elmira was cutting my hair and I moved and she cut it wrong so she taught me what would happen if I moved. Don't worry, by some miracle it didn't get infected and I don't even feel it anymore.' _Wrote Roach. When David Sr. read it he stifled a gasp. He didn't know which worried him more; the fact that his son had part of his ear cut off or he fact that he could be so calm about it. He obviously wasn't all to comfortable with it by the way he hid it under his hair which had grown to cover half his ears. If his son had been perfectly OK with that he would have been worried, even more than he already was.

"Son, I'm so sorry." Said David Sr. for lack of anything else. What could he say? He wasn't going to go blab about what happened like his wife did, he wouldn't make that mistake and he almost didn't want to correct her on whose fault it was, he was almost happy that his son blamed his wife and not him. He knew that that was a terrible way to think but he didn't really care all that much. His son didn't need to know in his opinion. That chapter of their lives was closed and he hoped never to open it again.

'**What's he sorry about? It wasn't his fault, I was being a bad boy. I am a bad boy but there is absolutely no reason that he needs to know that, no reason. I just have to play the good boy, the happy boy again and everything will be alright. Yes, that's a very good plan!' **thought Roach as he took another swig and felt himself get a bit light headed.

'_Why?' _wrote Roach who wanted to know but normally would have kept his questions to himself. He wondered why he asked, he almost never asked. He took another swig, he was beginning to enjoy the light headed feeling

"I'm just sorry that that happened to you. That's what you say when someone tells you about something bad that happened to them." Explained David Sr. Roach made an 'OK' sign with his hand and took another swig. He had a bit of trouble putting the bottle back on the table, David Sr. didn't notice. He wished that the table would stop moving, or maybe it was him that was moving, he didn't know.

"Do you blame anyone? You know, for what happened?" asked David Sr. not noticing how tipsy his son was getting. Roach thought for a moment before nodding 'no'. He blamed himself. He could never blame his mother though, he loved her too much as a son was supposed to and he could never hate or blame her because he was going to be a very good son.

"That's good David Jr. You shouldn't blame your mother, she couldn't have known what was going to happen that day. I know I didn't." said David Sr. softly

'_I don't blame her. I love her as a son should. I could never blame someone I love.' _Wrote Roach his handwriting messy and scrawled even more so. He took a deep swig of the bottle and almost dropped it. It wasn't his fault though, the stupid table kept moving. This time David Sr. noticed.

"Son, maybe you shouldn't be drinking that like that. Sip it slowly." Said David Sr. as he noticed how tipsy his son was getting and began to wonder if he shouldn't have just given him a glass of warm milk. Roach made an 'OK' sign with his fingers and sipped it as best as he could. He cursed a bit as some of it fell onto his dark blue T-shirt staining it.

"Maybe you've had enough, David Jr." said David Sr. amazed that his son had gotten that tipsy from one beer. Roach nodded and then handed his father the now empty bottle he hiccupped. He wasn't drunk though, just very tipsy. David Sr. remembered some of his drunk and half drunk confessions and thought that it would be the perfect time to get some answers out of his son. He knew that it was horribly manipulative but he didn't mind at the moment. It might have had something to do with the fact that it was now going on two a.m. or the fact that he had just drank most of a beer on an empty stomach.

"Hey David, can I ask you something?" asked David Sr. Roach who would have agreed to anything by that point nodded 'yes'. David Sr. felt a pang of guilt but quickly pushed it away, desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Why did you smash the mirror?" asked David Sr. quietly. He had been so scared for his son when he came up the stairs and saw the blood and the broken glass in the bathroom. He feared something he had tried to convince himself his son would never attempt; his suicide. He knew that his son had problems and was in a lot of pain, both mental and physical, and he could never escape it. Not in his dreams or his waking hours and that made David Sr. feel so bad, so guilty, that he didn't know what to do. He wouldn't send his son to a shrink though, he knew exactly what would come of it. He knew that he and Amanda would be blamed because it was their fault all of this had happened to him. They lost him. They were such bad parents and they knew it. He was afraid for his son most of the time. He was afraid for the day he couldn't take it anymore and just decided to end it. He didn't sit idly by and wait for his son to drink the Drano from under the sink or jump from the roof or slit his wrists, or eat an entire bag of butterscotch or imitation butterscotch. (He was violently allergic to butterscotch and imitation butterscotch.)

'_I was mad at myself.' _Wrote Roach with quite a bit of difficulty. He would have usually avoided the question but he answered it. He didn't know why but he suspected that it had to do with the dizziness and walking on air feeling he was having. That scared David Sr. when he finally managed to decode his son's messier than usual handwriting.

'**Mad at himself? Why would he be mad at himself? Does he blame himself? Why would he blame himself? He didn't do anything wrong, did he? He was put in the cellar and I've heard about how they lived. Hell, they kept slaves! Was he a-No, it's not possible. Not my son. Not my boy. They ate human flesh though. Oh my God!' **thought David Sr. as he looked over at his son who was staring at him, studying him. He was trying to gauge his father's unreadable reaction to determine the best course of action. It looked like he was nervous and irate at the exact same time. This really scared Roach for a bit but not as much as it usually would. He found it strange but didn't question it, he couldn't.

"S-son, what did you eat while you were there? In the cage in the cellar I mean." asked David Sr. timidly fearing the answer. He hoped that the answer wasn't what he thought it would be, he didn't know what he'd do then. He had to go about this properly, any false move and he could set his often unpredictable son off like clipping the red wire instead of the blue. He had violent and unpredictable mood swings that scared David Sr. One minute he might have been happily playing and the next he could be hiding under the bed or the kitchen floor or table hyperventilating in the throws of a panic attack. He wouldn't take his son to any kind of therapist though, he didn't have a very good opinion of them. Roach's eyes widened and he straightened his back as he had done many times before as a defense mechanism. That question had caught him off guard and he instantly sobered up for the most part from the sheer shock of it. He didn't know what to answer, all of his options showed just how bad a boy he really was.

'**What am I supposed to tell him? That I ate rats? That I only ate part of a person once but I threw it right back up? That I ate almost everybody's cum because I was forced too but it's good because an excellent source of protein? That I in all of my selfishness and stupidity stole from the house and took food right out of Alice's mouth and away from her empty stomach and into my hungry, angry, selfish stomach just so I could go on in the hell and agony of my existence? What?! Well, I'd better just tell him I stole from the house, it's the lesser of all of those evils so he'll still think I'm a sorta good boy instead of the very bad boy I am.' **Thought the barely sobered up Roach. He didn't want his father to know all the horrible things he had done in the name of survival. Why did he even carry on in the house anyway? He knew the answer to his own question; to protect Alice. But wait, Alice was safe. That scared him, that his only reason was alive and well and didn't need him anymore. He shook these thoughts from his mind, he didn't need to be having them.

'_I ate rats.' _Wrote Roach a bit more legibly. David Sr. looked at the note, then to his son, then the note again, then at the floor, then at the ceiling, then at the short leg of the table, then at nothing in particular. He could feel the bile rising to his throat and his hands clenching into fists. He was both horrified and furious but not at his son, never at his son. That would be blaming the victim and he could never, ever do that, especially to his own flesh and blood. He couldn't believe that his son had to do that, to eat a live rat, to consume a rat. It made him want to vomit but he held the bile in his throat as best as he could. He regretted asking his son about that, some things were best left buried. He wanted to kill Eldon and Elmira Robeson. He wanted to go out to the backyard, dig up his father's old box of war things from when he was in the service, and make Eldon Robeson pay. He took his son and killed whatever was there. Whatever sanity, whatever hope, whatever childhood and future, whatever trace of the boy known as David. He took all of those things and killed them slowly over the course of ten years until only this broken shell of a human being remained. Until only the broken, beaten, and burned shell of the man that was his son remained.

'_And I stole real food from the house when I escaped into the walls.' _Added Roach quickly as he noticed his father's shocked expression. He didn't wan this father to be like that because shock almost always led to pain for him and he didn't want that to ever happen again. Never again. His father hadn't hurt of even raised his voice to him but fathers were unpredictable in his opinion. That made David Sr. feel a bit better but he felt as though there was something his son wasn't telling him. He could see it in his eyes as they looked down and up again. He wasn't going to press though, if eating rats was what he was told then what was being kept from him must have been truly awful. They sat in silence for a few moments letting the weight of what had just transpired settle over them. Roach was still a bit tipsy and was having a bit of trouble keeping his balance on the chair. David Sr. noticed and got him a piece of bread from the breadbox on the table.

"It'll help you sober up, trust me on this." Said David Sr. as Roach ate the bread slowly and carefully so he wouldn't choke. As he ate his loose pajama sleeve rode up revealing his ugly burn done a couple days prior. They just looked ay each other for a moment, both of them too shocked to speak or move or doing anything but stare at the ugly half covered by gauze burn. Roach wanted to bring the sleeve back up but felt paralyzed as he just stared at it. His father stared and made several sounds that reminded Roach of a paper bag crumpling. They stayed that way for a good five minutes just staring at it but neither of them daring to speak.

'**My God there it is! Right there in the open for him to see! He must be ashamed of me, ashamed of the bad boy, the bad child, I am. He didn't know I needed to be punished but now he does. I hope he punishes me himself for me being the bad boy that I am. I know I would.' **Thought Roach as he sat there paralyzed his slice of bread just hanging in the air in his hand getting hard and crusty. He wanted to run and hide, to hide somewhere small and cramped where no one else would dare to go just so he could be alone, not safe. His concern for aloneness covered up any concern for safety as he sat there at the kitchen table at two o'clock in the morning.

'**That's the burn that they were talking about. My God it's huge! How does he live with that, it must hurt like hell! He did it himself. He did it himself! Why? Why?! I don't believe this! What would posses him to do this to himself?! What reason could possible justify him doing this?!' **thought David Sr. as he stared at the ugly, raw burn. He was the first to regain the ability to move and he put his son's arm on the table and pulled the sleeve back up and fixed the gauze around it.

"Whuh? (What?)" asked Roach quietly as his father fixed his sleeve so it hid his arm. He expected yelling or crying or the blows to begin landing upon him but not kind touch, he never expected kind touch from anyone but Alice. He was too surprised by his father's strange actions that he didn't pull away, he just stared at his father's callused hand, almost as calloused as his, as it did it's work hiding his burn.

"Why?" asked David Sr. quietly as he motioned to the burn. He had so many questions but at the moment found himself as mute as his son. Hearing about the burn was nowhere as appalling as seeing the burn for himself in the dim light of the kitchen. Roach looked up at his father but then looked down and just stared. It took David Sr. a moment of confusion to come to a sudden and horrifying realization; his son as ashamed. His son was ashamed of all that had happened to him and that both shocked and confused David Sr. It also made him suspect things that he didn't want to suspect because if he suspected it might have been true. During the turbulent 80's with the whole child abuse witch hunt he and Amanda had been told many times the signs of the different abuses and to look for those in their children and their oldest son presented most of the symptoms of the worst kind of abuse. That thought made David Sr.'s blood run cold in his veins. If either that man or that woman had touched his son he didn't care about the consequences, he was going to murder both of them in cold blood with out remorse. He was like the birds on the nature channel; mess with his chicks and he'd start pecking eyes out. He wanted to ask his son about it but he feared the answer. He didn't know what to do if the answer was 'yes'. It was hard enough coming to terms with the fact that his first born son, the one that shared his name, was mute. Well, he wasn't all the way mute but it was more than a significant impairment.

'_Because I was bad.' _Wrote Roach with tears collecting in the corners of his eyes. He didn't want his father to know how bad he was, what he was. He was so desperately trying to be good but it was just going so bad, so utterly, utterly bad. He didn't want either of his parents to know about the stories behind any of his scars because a discussion about how they happened might lead to a discussion about his time under the stairs and he wanted to avoid that discussion at all costs. It was bad enough that his father knew how bad of a boy he was but he didn't want him to know that he was a whore. He didn't want anybody to know about that. It was a secret he was never going to tell, ever.

"What do you mean, bad?" said David Sr. shocked by what he read. He hoped to God that these were just half drunk ramblings. If they weren't then the note he was just written confirmed his fears, that he blamed himself. He hoped that it didn't confirm his worst fears, he had no idea about what to do then. He almost wished that his son had died, then he wouldn't have had to live through all those years of torture not even worthy of the worst criminals except for the people who did that to him.

'_I was bad so I needed to be punished. It was hot but the fires of hell are hotter. Don't worry though, I've had worse burns.' _Wrote Roach. He handed it to his father but looked down at the blue table cloth the whole time in shame. He waited for the shouts or the blows to land upon him. He almost welcomed any of the old punishments, they were familiar to him. He almost missed the agony, sorrow, hate and rage that came with living between the walls because it had become familiar to him and almost as comforting as Alice's touch and that scared him.

"What?!" said David Sr. loudly in horror not caring who he woke up. He could have woken the whole neighborhood for all he cared, this was more important than being considerate. What did he mean by the fires of hell being hotter?! What did he mean needing to be punished?! What the mother fucking hell did he mean by worse burns?! He looked at his son and on impulse walked over and pulled him close. He instantly began to tense up and attempted to squirm away. He didn't want to be touched, he didn't deserve to be touched. David Sr. didn't lessen his grip though, he couldn't. He wanted to make his son all better, to heal all his wounds both physical and mental. Eventually he stopped squirming and just gave in. He even gave a small hug back loving the non threatening human contact. They eventually broke apart and awkwardly stared at each other. They both played with their nails and bit their lower lips in the awkwardness. David Sr. laughed a bit, then a bit louder, then his son joined in not caring about the noise level. They didn't know why they were laughing and they didn't really care all that much.

"You do the same thing when you're nervous! My boy takes after me!" laughed David Sr. Roach parroted back his father's sentiment in agreement and that ended the laughter and they just looked at each other the weight of the situation once again setting it's self upon them.

'**He can't talk. He's mute. He doesn't have a tongue. He doesn't have a fucking tongue! He can't talk and his laugh is just weird! Kinda disturbing when I think about it actually. My son can't talk to me. He can't say 'I do' at the alter if he ever gets married and he can't say 'I love you'. At least he can't suffer the embarrassment of having his voice break every time he tries to talk. Well, that's no compensation for anything! God, I need another beer.' **Thought David Sr. as he just looked at his son who looked ready to doze off at any moment. It was reminiscent of the child he once was, the way he had his head resting on his hand and the way his eyes struggled to stay opened. For the briefest of moments he didn't see the man his son had become; he saw the child he once was. He decided to put his son back to bed. He knew that he didn't sleep well at night, he often woke up to the sound of moaning and slight scrams as well as the pitter-patter of foot steps and the opening and closing of doors and drawers. At first he thought that his youngest was having insomnia again of the raccoons were back but then one night he finally got up to investigate and saw his son sitting under the kitchen table with a candle looking through the newer photo albums with out him in them and crying. He wanted to comfort the boy but he knew that it was better to just leave him alone. He was beginning to have second thoughts on his leave him alone policy from what he saw.

"C'mon David Jr., you gotta get back to bed. Yours or ours, it doesn't really matter all that much to me, you do what feels the most comfortable to you." Said David Sr. as he helped his son up and put the half eaten piece of bread back in the bread box. Roach got up without protest, the lateness of the night taking it's toll on his still a bit tipsy and exhausted body. He didn't fight as he was helped to his feet and up the stairs to his bed. He just wanted to be alone or with Alice so that was where he slept. He buried his face in the covers taking in a bit of her still lingering scent. When he slept that night he didn't dream the horrible things he usually dreamt about, he dreamt of her.

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Alice woke up feeling better than she had been lately. The pain had subsided to the point where she could ignore it and she was a bit more in control of her mood. She got up and picked out her outfit for the day. She didn't wear anything particularly fancy, just a simple dark blue dress; she had learned her lesson about wearing light colored dresses well at the price of her favorite pink dress with yellow trim. It wasn't like she was going to go anywhere that day, not until it stopped anyway. It sometimes got through her clothes and she knew how Roach would re act. He didn't deal well with blood even after what he had seen. She was contented to stay in her room like a good girl while her parents went to their jobs and Debbie did whatever it was she did in her room. She wouldn't tell Alice so Alice didn't press it. She still wasn't all that comfortable with asking questions or speaking with out being spoken to but she was working on it. She got dressed and brushed her hair to the best of her ability, she was still learning how to do it so her hair looked exactly the way it had all of her life that she could remember. She walked quietly down stairs and sat at the table. Several things were different. The first thing was that there was scrambled eggs and a fork in front of her, her mother said that eggs were fatty and Alice was never given a fork after she nearly got a concussion the first time. The second thing was that her mother was nowhere to be found and it was her father that was in his pajamas and an apron making the rest of the breakfast. This confused Alice, she was always taught that women did all the cooking and the cleaning and the men worked but then again she was also taught that women couldn't wear pants. The third thing was that Debbie wasn't at the table. She was usually at the table by that time and Alice couldn't hear her being loud in her room as she often was when not eating a meal with the family. There were no places set for either her mother or her older sister and it scared and confused her. She wondered what could have happened to them as several thoughts ran through her head, most of them ending in their death. She made a slight noise at the horrible thoughts that ran through her mind. Her father noticed and quickly turned around from the oven. He looked happy to see her and she didn't know what to say or do. She knew that her father loved her and it wasn't the same kind of love Mommy and Daddy had for her if she could call it that. He never beat her for her own good or called her names or even punished her when she did bad, naughty, sinful things like mess up her room or tear her clothes or let the strange little hair that had sprouted up in new places grow even though she tried not to.

"Mornin' Allie, feel better?" asked Ronald as he put some bacon down in front of his daughter and watched her as she eyes her food curiously and poked it with her fork. He intentionally put the fork down in front of his daughter as his way of telling her that he didn't care if she lost it or it broke or she dropped it. He so desperately wanted her to know that he wasn't Eldon Robeson, he was her real father and a real father would never hurt his daughter like that. He hated the way she was always so afraid about breaking some ridiculous rule she had been taught or the way she'd panic at the slightest thing. He especially hated the way she feared. She was afraid of almost everything. She was afraid of the dark, afraid of the light. She was afraid of her own house and she was afraid to go outside. He really, truly hated the fact that she was afraid of him and her mother. He truly wanted her to feel safe in her own home and he wanted her to close that chapter of her life because it was over. He just wanted his little Allie back but he knew that he was never going to get his two year old daughter who wanted to be a princess when she grew up and chewed on the phone cord even when she was told to stop. He was happy to have he back but he wasn't all that happy with the person she had grown into but he supposed that it could have been worse. She could have become disrespectful and promiscuous like Debbie had been at Alice's age. He, if truth be told, would rather have a dress sewing doll playing with little girl of a daughter than a daughter that he been suspended for disorderly conduct since kindergarten and had been on the birth control pill since ten. He knew that he should play favorites but he didn't care.

"A little bit. May I ask something, father?" asked Alice quietly. She was still a bit afraid of asking her father questions. Whenever she thought of her father she thought of Daddy and it scared her almost as much as the fact that whenever she thought of her mother she thought of Mommy. She wanted to forget them but they still selfishly stayed in her mind, he thoughts, her very dreams and she hated them even more for it. She wanted them to leave her in peace for once in her short life. She briefly wondered if that was how Roach felt too. She knew that he had nightmares about Mommy and Daddy, day mares too, but they never discussed it. They had both made a silent pact with each other to forget the bad times and only focus on the good times, it was the only way.

"Sure thing honey, call me dad would ya? And you know that you don't have to ask, you can just say whatever's on your mind and I won't punish you or yell at you or anything like that." Said Ronald who was trying to break his daughter of the habit of asking a question about every little thing. Well about doing every little thing in all actuality. He didn't like how she thought she couldn't do anything, couldn't breathe, couldn't truly live without someone's say so.

"Alright dad, where is everyone?" asked Alice quietly. The word 'dad' was foreign to her. She had always called Daddy father or papa or just daddy. Dad didn't seem like something a child would say but then she realized that she wasn't a child anymore and would be for the next one to three days.

"Debbie, the genius that she is, slept on a piece of gum she had been chewing before she went to sleep and now it's all stuck deep in that rats nest she calls hair and your mom had to take her to the salon she works at because she didn't have the right…err…tools to get it out. So I guess it's just you and me huh Allie?" said Ronald as he sat down next to his daughter who was just beginning to eat her food but was still a bit weary of the fork in her hand. He could see why when he got a closer look at the rows of tiny dots that lined her right and left hands. He clenched his hands into fists when he realized what they were from and she looked even more afraid than normal. He instantly calmed down.

"I'm sorry daddy, I'll be a good girl." Said Alice fearing that she had enraged her father and not realized it, that happened sometimes with Daddy especially when he was having one of his headaches. Alice shuddered; he was crazier than ever whenever he had one of his headaches.

"What do you mean by that?" asked Ronald getting closer to her. What did she mean by good girl? She didn't do anything wrong or even remotely bad.

"I made you mad." Said Alice quietly as she shrunk under his gaze. She was afraid of what the punishment would be even though she hadn't ever been punished by her new parents. She hoped that she would still be allowed to eat though, she was getting used to having enough food and didn't know how she'd go a long time with out eating. She cursed herself for getting soft like that. She hoped that it wouldn't be the boiling bath, that one always hurt for days after wards and she'd probably be punished again if any of the water hurt her face. She looked at her father with fear and then confusion as his face soften and then his eyebrow cocked upwards in confusion

"You didn't make me mad and if you did I wouldn't punish you." Said Ronald surprised by how perceptive she was. How did she catch that? She hadn't even been facing him.

"Really?" asked Alice resuming her previous spot after realizing that her father posed no danger to her and even tried to eat again hoping that it wasn't just a test like the ones Mommy and Daddy would give her to see if she was really a good girl and some evil child disguised as a good girl. She knew that she was an evil child though because she though about escape and the world outside and she was in love with Roach for years before realizing it. She knew that she was an evil child and she knew that her soul was going to hell when she died because of her badness but as of late she had been questioning it because she had seen people doing bad things and not being worried about the consequences and not even being punished

"You bet, Allie. If you're so damn concerned about the rules you wanna know the official rules?" asked Ronald. Alice nodded and listened carefully so she wouldn't miss anything and get punished for it. She really wanted to be good girl for her real parents and would do anything to please them.

"Rule number one: there are no rules." Said Ronald matter-of-factly

"What?" said Alice quietly. She must have misheard him but if that was really what he said she was sure that it was hearing evil. She did not, could not hear or see or speak evil and she refused to even after he escape because she was a good girl. She had to be a good girl.

"Yup. No rules. None. Zip, zilch, nadda! You can do whatever you want! Isn't that, uh, what do the kids say these days? Oh yeah! Isn't it totally radical!" said Ronald who wondered if completely removing the concept of rules was really a good idea. They had rules but the rules weren't really enforced that well. Besides, what was the worst she could do? He had a sudden thought; her best friend was a boy. He really didn't want to end up in-laws with David and Amanda Cullen. No matter, he was sure he could grind the birth control pill into her food with some of the other pills she was forced to take. Most of them were vitamin supplements but he wasn't sure if she would take them if he just gave them to her so he ground the vitamin supplements and some pills for depression and to fix her bone density into her breakfast every morning.

"Really?" asked Alice quietly. This had to be some sort of trick, she was sure of it.

"Yeah! Here I'll show...uhh...ah yes! You don't like silverware right?" asked Ronald acting on an impulsive idea. He wasn't all too sure if it was the best way to demonstrate this new concept of a rules free life to his daughter but he couldn't think of a better way to show it. She nodded still eyeing her father waiting to see when the trick would be over and she'd be rewarded for being the good girl as she had been in the past.

"Then forget about it! Forget about forks, spoons, and any other kind of eating utensil you can think of. Forget about cups ad spoons and plates and manners and all that other polite, civilized crap you were taught. Just do what feels right to you, whatever you choose to do 'll please me. Here, do what, I do if you want to that is." siad Ronald as he took a fork out of the silverware drawer and dropped it on the floor. Alice not quite understanding mimicked what he did. They did it again and again until all of the silverware was on the floor. They laughed and just had fun. They had so much fun and for once she wasn't worried about the consequences or her worries about everything else. For once in her life she was an actual child and noth the puppet shell of a good girl. She wasn't playing the kind, sweet, obediant little good girl and she loved it. For one small moment she was happy. She was really, truly happy. She was Alice. for once she wasn't the perfect, delicate china doll she was taught to be. She wasn't the good girl. She was Alice and she loved it.

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The white coats loved Messenger very much. If they didn't love him then why would they do those things to him. They even gave him things if he promised not to tell. They were toys but nnot the bone toys he played with in childhood. They were soft balls in alldifferent colors and he even got some colored sticks that left colored marks on the pices of paper he was given. He didn't eat the paper anymore becuase the white coats said that if he did they'd stop giving it to him and stop coming into his room. He didn't want them to stop, if they stopped then they wouldn't love him anymore. They didn't do those things to Headbanger though, he asked, and that made him speacial and liked by all of the white coats because they all came into his room and washed him down. His mother would have been very proud of him if she were still alive, she'd be proud that so many people loved him, wanted him. If hurt Messenger a bit because the white coats were bigger and stronger than he was used to, bigger and stronger than Cockroach not that he had ever had Cockroach though. Well, not outside of his dreams anyway. He was the happiest he had ever been in his whole entire life. He never wanted to leave this wonderful place with its food and fresh air and people. He was begining to forget some of his under the stairs life and it scared him. He didnn't want to forget the people he knew, living and dead. He didn't want to forget Scrump, his best friend and former lover. He especially didn't want to forget Scruff, he was the only man Messenger had ever loved and the only person Messenger had ever made love to. Sure he got around, people even asked for him by name. He was only sadder than the day the man called Daddy took him up to and fattened him up. He wondered for days when Scruff would come back and they'd show their love for eachother as they had many times in the past. He remebered that the door to their cage opened and the half stripped carcas of his friend and lover was tossed in to them as a feast. He remebered the cold, sad feeling and the horrible pain that had come with the realization that Scruff was dead and never coming back. Never coming to hold Messenger, talk to Messenger, laugh with Messenger, kiss Messenger, make love to Messenger. The only time he felt worse was when he knew his mother was dead to. He was sad for her at first but then he was grateful that she had went to heaven and didn't have to live out her entire life under the stairs. It wasn't a good life, he knew that now. He knew how the women suffered worse because they were epected to provide babies and that could kill them. They were treated better than him though because they could have children while he was just a toy. He rolled over on his bed, it was lights out time soon and then they would come. He couldn't wait to see what they brought him not to tell, he hoped it was some more candy. He liked candy and other sweet foods, he had no idea that food could taste so good or not be meat or the strange green fuzz that grew on the walls. He knew that the other people in the building didn't have the things he did in his white room and he was happy about that because it meant that they liked him even more than the other people that had been born on the outside but stayed int he white building. He never wanted to leave but he knew that the woman was trying to take him to her house, she had told him that on one of her visits. She visited often and Messenger was begining to enjoy them. He was angry at himself for enjoying her visits but he didn't tell her to stop. He never told anyone to stop. Not even when he so desperatly wanted them to. He shuddered as he remembered how Rateyes held him down while he didn't even give Messenger time to prepare himself. He stifled a few tears as he remembered the intense pain and the blood that ran from him afterwards. He wondered if anyone else besides Headbanger was in the strange building that was to be their new home. He brielfy wondered about Boss and what had become of him. He had his eyes cut out and that put him at a disadvantage. Messenger worried for Boss, he needed someone to be his eyes and to keep him from being killed by the other people who wanted his power. Boss loved him too because whenever Boss would get on top of him and go in and out he'd tell Messenger good things like 'that was amazing' and'you're the best there ever was' and 'take me you whore boy, you toy'. Messenger took those as great compliments because they were coming from the leader who could have anyone he wanted and he wanted Messenger. Messenger loved being told that he was the best there ever was because he was proud of the skills he learned from Loki, the man who taught him after his mother died. He especially loved to be called whore boy and fuck toy because to be the personal whore of the leader who could have anyone he wanted was a great honor. He didn't understand why Cockroach cried whenever similar words were screamed at him in ectasy. Cockroach was a very strange man in his opinion. He sat up straight in his bed as the lights went out. He took off his glasses and put them on the floor. He was born and grew up in the perpetual darkness of the Robeson's cellar so his eyes were used to the darkness and the light beyond the brightness of what would filter down to them would really bother him. His door opened and one of his favorite white coats came in; Gregory. Gregory was a normal sized man in his early forties. His wife had left him when he came out to her ad told her about the lie he had been living for twenty years and he had been feeling lonely. He didn't think he was doing anything wrong, the other man was in his late twenties and that was legal. Besides, most of the other ordelies and doctor's had the occasiional bit of fun with this Messenger person. He just had to keep reminding himself that this was a consenting adult no matter how small he was and how high his voice was and he could keep getting away with it as long as Messenger didn't tell. A little bribe would take care of that.

"Hey Messenger, how was your day today? That woman come around again?" asked Gregory as his eyes adjusted to the darkness of Messenger's white room. He always made small talk to try and put himself and Messenger at ease. He didn't know that Messenger didn't need to be put at ease. Messenger never needed to be put at ease, he had been looking forward to it all day and was already hard as a rock. Well, he hoped that he didn't try and go into Messenger. Messenger had become a bit out of practice and it had become painful for him.

"Messeger had good day. Yes, yes, yes! Eloise woman person see Messenger when sun high in sky and say Messenger gonne stay with her. Messenger not sure if he wanna go, Messenger like it here." said Messenger as Gregory came closer. Messenger didn't understand what all the talking was about. He liked to be talked to but what he really needed was the sweet release.

"You-you didn't tell her anything did you?" asked Gregory quietly. He was afraid that he might accidently let what was going on slip out and he'd loose his job, pension, and become a social pariah.

"Course not. Gregory white coat person say no tell. Messenger obey." said Messenger waiting for it to begin as it had for almost every night that week. Not always with the saeme person and not always with one person either but that was what Messenger liked

"That's a good boy, Messenger. I got you some more crayons but if you want the crayons you know what I want. You can't get something for nothing you know."

"Messenger know what Gregory want and Messenger give what he want."

"Good, good. You what I want and you give it to me." said Gregory as he put a hand to Messenger's inner thigh going up higher and higher

"Is what Messenegr was born for." said Messenger his breath coming on heavy as Gregory's hand went up higher and higher

"And you know what? I'll give you what you want." said Gregory as he rolled Messenger onto his back. What happened next would be a comfort to Messenger who almost missed being locked in the cellar. He was used to it, it had been his home but he wouldn't have traded his new situation for anything, not even his freedom because even in realese from the confines of the cellar he was never truly free. Never truly free.

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How'd you guys like that little bit of Messenger devolpment. Just wanted to show how truly messed up he is. Poor guy. *Hugs Messenger*


	23. Donna's big mouth reveals a truth

Disclaimer: Do I look like I want to get sued?

"_Clean it up you lazy brats!" yelled Mommy loudly as she threw Roach and Alice to the ground into the blood which had filled the hallway. A group of buglers had tried to break in that day but were shot so many times that Roach had lost count. He and Alice had watched from the stairs as Mommy had gotten the gun and just lost it. There was blood everywhere. The walls, the floors, even the ceiling had been colored a deep red. It didn't bother Roach too much, he had spent seven years in that place and he had grown used to the shouts and the bangs and the red tint that seemed to be on everything afterwards as well as the deep puddles of red. Alice was used to it too, she had known no other life in good memory and Roach was tempted to tell her that on the outside you could go to jail for doing things like that. He didn't want to tell her any more stories of the outside world as he had done many times before to comfort her or to assuage some curiosity that had risen up after an attempted robbing; it would just make her long to be out there as much as he did. He didn't want to stay in the house any longer but he knew what the penalty for attempting to escape. They would have their bad parts cut out and put in the cellar where they were sure that they would certainly die. There were times in his life where he wished that he were down in the cellar so that he could die. He was tired of playing the good boy, tired of the punishments, but most of all tired of the fear that dominated his life. He knew that he didn't used to fear before but the thought of there being no fear to loom over him seemed completely foreign to him. They were both called downstairs, Mommy didn't know that they were on the stairs at the time and it seemed to enrage her that they had seen everything. They hoped that they didn't get in trouble for seeing evil. The considered having their eyes cut out the worse penalty because then they wouldn't be able to see and that would make the ground between them and Mommy and Daddy even more uneven. They didn't know why it would make her angry that they saw the killing even if it was seeing evil, things like that happened all of the time so it was stupid to think that they wouldn't know about it but then again a lot of the things that Mommy and Daddy did made absolutely no sense even to twelve year old Roach and eleven year old Alice._

"_Look at my nice clean house! I work so hard to keep it clean but they always come in and dirty it up! This is why you can't go outside! It's filthy, bad, sinful, and awful out there! Be grateful that you have a mommy and a daddy that love you enough to keep you lazy, rotten, sinful brats safe and virtuous! Can't you lazy brats clean any faster?! Lazy brats stay in their rooms all day playing games! I should throw you brats in the cellar! Let the other bad children do what they will to you! I should!" yelled Mommy as she kicked them with her pointy shoes. The worked as fast as they could to get the blood off the floor and walls before it stained them permanently. It would be very bad for them if it stained because than Mommy would get even madder and then Daddy would have one of his headaches that made him even crazier. Mommy's harsh words would have reduced any other child to tears but Roach and Alice had grown used to it over their years of confinement. Alice had been living with it for all eleven years of her life and Roach for most of the twelve years of his. He knew that his real parents never used to talk to him like that and he was tempted to tell that to Mommy but he knew that it was bad to contradict or even speak to Mommy. The smell of the blood and flesh that had blown out of the bodies when they were killed would have turned even a grown mans stomach and made him throw up but these children had seen worse things than even the most hardened soldier. They took Mommy's verbal abuse as they wiped the blood up with their rags and picked up the big chunks with their fingers. They were trying their hardest not to stain their cloths red with blood but there was just too much on it and they were on their hands and knees. Mommy didn't seem to notice as she ranted and raved about how she worked so hard while they were lazy. As Roach worked near a vent he saw something that made his blood run cold and his heart stop. He saw the pale, scared face of a person under the stairs. It was a girl who had heard evil, he could tell by the facial structure and the lack of ears. She seemed to pay him no mind as she reached through the vent for one of the chunks of flesh and to Roach's horror ate it like she was starving which she probably was. She began to lick her fingers and take handfuls of the blood and lap __it up greedily. Mommy didn't notice because she was smacking Alice for ruing her pretty, lily white dress that she had worked her fingers to the bone to make. She began to get more adventurous and she stuck her hand farther and farther out of the vent. If she noticed him she didn't show it as she took a particularly large chunk of flesh and ate it in one bite without even chewing. Roach backed away as he saw her black and yellow teeth when she opened her blood mouth to devour the bloody flesh. It was too much for Roach as he jumped back into the bucket getting blood all over his clothes and water all over Mommy who had come to inspect his progress. Alice had thankfully been working at the opposite end of the hallway so she didn't get her pretty white dress wet and dirty like he had gotten his pants, bow tie, and white button down shirt. The person looked started and scurried away quickly through the vents like a startled rat. Mommy was so angry that Roach could swear that steam was coming out of her ears like in the cartoons he used to watch. He pointed and stuttered at the vent not being able to find his seldom used voice through the fear that had paralyzed his vocal cords. Alice's eyes shown with fear as she stopped cleaning and just stared open mouthed. She didn't want him to be punished again. She hated his cries of pain as Daddy beat or cut or burned him. Every cry cut through her like a knife but she didn't give any outward indication of what she was hearing because that would have been hearing evil and good girls never heard, or saw, or spoke evil. _

"_You bastard! Look what you did you clumsy bastard! You got your mother all wet and dirty and you ruined you suit that I works so hard to make! I should kill you right now you ungrateful, clumsy moron!" yelled Mommy as she forcibly picked him up by his hair and took a sewing needle out of her apron pocket. She began to furiously stab at every part of him as he tried desperately to explain what happened through his screams of pain. Alice got back to her cleaning as best as she could. She couldn't give any indication that she noticed Roach's mistreatment because that would have been seeing evil. She dragged Roach to the cellar and for a moment he feared that she was going to cuts out his eyes, ears, and tongue and put him in the cellar._

"_This is what's going to happen to you if you aren't a good boy! Do you want to live down here? Do you!" screamed Mommy as Roach nodded' no' hysterically and fought to keep the bile in his stomach. The smell was enough to get the bile churning but the fear was what brought it up into his mouth. He kept his mouth shut; it would do no good to throw up on Mommy, especially after ruing her dress with the bloody water. Mommy got a pair of handcuffs and handcuffed him to the wooden bars that held the people under the stairs in. He begged and pleaded to be let out but his pleas fell on deaf ears, literally because Mommy didn't hear evil and she considered one of her evil, bratty, naughty children's begging and pleading voices evil. After Mommy had left the people under the stairs had come over to the bars to see what was going on. They hoped beyond hope that it was a new kill; they had heard the gunshots and Headbanger had returned from her exhibition up top with news of blood and flesh littering the floor. They saw Roach and made a grab at him, they were starving because Daddy hadn't arrived home to clean the bodies of the burglars yet. They would have usually kept him as a slave but they were so hungry they could barely remember their own real or under the stairs names. Roach tried to get away from the bars and dislocated his arm in his frantic struggle and he let out a loud scream and passed out from the pain and panic. When he woke up though he found his arm to be back in its socket and the words 'I'm sorry' cut lightly into his arm. They were still there to that day._

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Roach woke up with a start and fell off of the bed. He struggled to free himself from the tangle of the blankets and he eventually did. He lay on his bedroom floor panting and sweating. He had had another nightmare though this one had been tamed compared to the usual ones he had been having. They were more memories than nightmares but that didn't make them any less vivid and terrifying. That one hadn't been nearly as bad as the ones he had usually been having so he took it as a good sign.

'**I really hope that's just sweat.' **Thought Roach as he felt his clothes cling to him. He was sure that he hadn't wet the bed again because he was usually wetter when that happened. He looked at the clock as best he could in the darkness. It read five in the morning. He knew that nobody would be awake and he contemplated going to sleep but decided that it would be a bad idea. He was afraid of having another memory or nightmare and wetting the bed or hurting himself. It was amazing to him that even after having a nightmare he still contemplated sleep. He knew that his dreams could never hurt him but he could hurt himself and that scared him. He got out of bed and decided not to take a shower when he remembered his botched attempt at punishing himself. He threw on some comfortable clothes and decided to make himself a bowl of cereal. He wasn't allowed to touch the oven even though he wasn't going to burn himself on purpose right then. He liked cereal but it was very difficult for him to eat it without his tongue. He was glad that nobody would be awake to see him eat; he didn't like it when people watched him eat. Actually he didn't like to be watched end of discussion. He poured some milk into a bowl and then some 'Lucky Charms'. He didn't care that Morgan took all of the non marshmallow pieces back in the box, he had eaten worse. He ate to the best of his ability loving the silence and darkness that the house provided. The sun had not yet made its appearance to begin the day and nobody, not even Dottie, was up and about. He loved both the silence and the darkness because they both signified safety. When it was completely silent Roach could hear every subtle sound that a person hiding might have made and the darkness was his element because his night vision was person under the stairs good but it was better than the average person's. He heard an upstairs door creak open and then some hurried feet running across the hard wood floor. He sat still wondering if it was just someone going to the bathroom but he gasped out in surprise as the stairs began to creak. He wondered if he should have stayed or left. He wanted to finish his food but he also didn't really want to face anybody right then. He was wondering for longer than he thought because that door suddenly opened and a half asleep Dottie appeared.

"Hiya Davey, what's up?" Yawned Dottie who often rose with the sun. Once she woke up it was difficult for her to fall back asleep and she didn't really feel like trying. Roach waved 'hi' to her as she went to the fridge and got the orange juice. She then got a cereal bowl and a spoon. She poured the juice into the bowl and then put some cereal in. Roach made a face at that, it must have tasted horrible but Dottie didn't really seem to care. They ate in silence for a few moments. Roach was feeling uncomfortable around his little sister and he didn't know why and Dot was curious about her brother but decided not to say anything, she had been warned not to ask about his time in the house no matter how badly she wanted to know. She craned her head around to see if she could see the burn that was supposedly there through his sleeve. He noticed.

"Whuh? (What?)" said Roach as Dottie craned her head. It was a half hearted question because his sister did stranger things and gave even stranger answers so he didn't really expect a clear answer out of her. It wasn't that he didn't like her strangeness it was just that she was a bit difficult to understand behavior wise.

"N-nothing David. So…uhh…why'd you get up?" asked Dottie as she took another spoonful of her cereal. It actually tasted better than most people expected it to and she didn't understand why everyone, even her own older brother, would look at it like it was the grossest thing in the world. Roach looked around for something to write on and found a piece of paper and a crayon on the floor under the table. He looked at the paper; it looked like a crudely drawn map of the world.

"Hey! Gimme that!" said Dottie as she pulled the map out of his hand leaving a long, ugly paper cut. It didn't really bother Roach all that much, he had had much worse before. He looked around for another piece of paper to write on. He wasn't sure how well Dot could understand him. They had talked for a bit but he wasn't about to say more than one or two words to her. He hated his voice. It was weird and it went extremely high and at the same time extremely low. He hoped that it would make up its mind soon because he wasn't sure how long he could take it for. It was annoying beyond belief.

'_Sorry Dot. What's that?" _asked Roach who was curious about why his little sister would draw a map of the world; she usually drew aliens or crop circles. That was what he loved most about his little sister, she was a fascinating person and she was never afraid of him and him never afraid of her.

"It's a map I drew. Can you keep a secret?" asked Dot as she moved in closer to him. He nodded and also moved in closer.

"A UFO is gonna come and take me away and maybe it could make a few pit stops in these places. It's really gonna come for me one day at two fifteen, I dreamt it." Whispered Dottie. Roach cocked his head to the side in confusion. He knew that UFO weren't real, that had been explained to him when he was younger than Dot. He knew that but apparently she didn't. Or maybe he was wrong and she was right?

"Weree?(Really?)" asked Roach as he went back to his place at the table.

"Yeah, but don't tell anybody. It worries Mom and Dad when I talk about the UFO coming for me. I guess that they don't want me to leave but we've all gotta leave the eventually. Right Davey?" asked Dottie as she put some more cereal in her bowl. That must have been why her parents looked at each other with worried eyes and they whispered about her when they though everyone was asleep. She was a bit worried about leaving but it was a big world out there, a big universe, and she intended to see it all. She'd come back eventually when she was done having her big adventure but she didn't want to stay on the boring earth with its boring and mean people with their small closed minds. They could only see what was right in front of them when she could see past that. She wondered if he could see past that too.

'_Why do you want to go?' _asked Roach who couldn't imagine why anyone would want to leave the wonderful place that was his parent's house. He sometimes wanted to go out into the world and see it all but he never made it farther than his front yard. He was just too scared to go it alone and he didn't want to drag Alice along with him. She'd be scared to and her fear was torture to him. If he had his way she would never fear anything or anybody again.

"Because this world is so boring with its boring and simple people and its same thing every day routine and everyone's mind is shut closed so much they only understand what's right in front of them!" said Dottie angrily. She had been keeping it bottled up inside of her for too long so it was bound to come out eventually. She regretted that she had snapped at her older brother but she couldn't help it. Roach was confused about her opinions on the world and its people. He thought that the world was a wonderful place full of people both wonderfully terrible and terribly wonderful. He didn't consider the people boring at all, on the contrary, he found each and every person to be fascinating with their individual likes and dislikes and personal experiences. Not that he would ask them about their likes and dislikes and personal experiences though, he didn't like to talk to new people but he would flirt with pretty girls. He didn't really know why it was different with him and girls but it just was. He decided to put his two cents into their conversation. That was another thing he liked about Dot, she was good for conversation and a bit mature beyond her years. She reminded him a bit of a saner Messenger; you had to really get to know both of them to get the deeper meaning of their personas.

'_There are as many different ways to live as there are people in this world and each and every one of them deserves a closer look. They aren't boring at all like you aren't crazy and all. Just a bit different.' _Wrote Roach momentarily forgetting he was writing to his six year old sister. He wrote to her like she was an equal with him on terms of intelligence and ability and she loved it. She both hated to be patronized but also hated the fact that her reading ability was a bit above average for a six year old which didn't quite compare to his above average for a fifteen year old. Reading and math as well as how to be the perfect son were all that was taught to him when Mommy would home school him and Alice if their demented lessons that always warranted the worst punishments weren't performed quick, snappy, and right the first time. It took Dot a bit of time to decipher the note but when she did she marveled at her brother. She hadn't though that hard on that sentiment because it was Donna's ironic personal philosophy and not hers. It was ironic because that was all that Donna would do, look, never approach.

"Yeah I guess that's true to but you'll eventually get what I mean when you've been out here for longer. I've been out here for all six and a half years of my life and I get it." Said Dottie trying to prove her point. No matter how mature for her age she was she was still six and therefore she had to have the last word.

'_Well, what do you mean?' _asked Roach who wanted to know what his sister was getting at. He knew that it might turn into an argument but he didn't really care all that much. He suspected that his not caring attitude might have had something to do with his lack of sleep.

"Everyone needs hard proof of something, they need to see it. Even when they do see it though they don't believe it because it's just too out there for them to believe, like Roswell or Stonehenge or the emus. But me, nuh-huh, I believe it all but I don't believe some stuff, I'm not stupid."

'_What do you mean? If you believe everything than how can you at the same time not believe some things' _wrote Roach confused about her contrasting sentence. It was something that they both did; they tended to contrast themselves in the same sentence. Their parents did that too sometimes so they supposed that it might have been hereditary.

"Well Roach you see, I believe in aliens but not the Tooth Fairy and I believe in Atlantis but not Santa Claus. You get what I mean?" said Dottie hoping that he got what she was saying and didn't just dismiss her as a silly little child with no valid point to make. That was why she tried so hard and memorized so many facts and just made herself more intelligent in general. She wanted people to take her seriously and that was one of the many reasons she loved her brother but not as much as Trysta loved him, that was a line Dot wasn't going to cross, because whenever he was with her he treated her as an equal on the grounds of intelligence. She wished that he'd treat her as an equal on the grounds of physical ability though, he sometimes carried her when he felt that she had walked enough or she was looking tired and he stopped her from climbing the roof and up the chimney even though he did things like that sometimes.

'_I get it and please don't call me Roach.' _Wrote Roach understanding his little sister finally. He didn't like it that she called him Roach though, it reminded him of things he'd rather forget. Whenever anyone but Alice called him Roach his stomach would do flip flops and not the good ones it did around Alice and he'd taste a cold metallic taste in his mouth. Sometimes he'd even have a waking memory and he'd blank out for an unknown amount of time.

"Why not? Alice O'Dell calls you that, I've heard her." Asked Dottie who didn't understand why he wouldn't want to be called Roach. It was a cool nickname in her opinion even though she didn't know the horrible and degrading origin of his nickname. She wished that she had a cool nickname like that, Dot was a stupid nickname in her opinion. Dot was stupid and Dottie made her sound like an old lady but it was better than being called Dorothea or worse; Dorothea Louisa Francesca Bianca Lonna Robesca. She loathed her full name with a vengeance.

'_Just don't, OK?' _wrote Roach. If he had spoken those words they would have been spoken with a cold seriousness but he'd have to settle with Dot seeing it in his expressive blue eyes.

"Ok David, whatever you want. Hey, what did you ever do with that jar full of cockroaches I caught for you?" asked Dottie who as of late hadn't seen them on his bedside table and worried that he'd thrown them out of they died. She suspected that they might have died because cockroaches didn't live very long.

'_I put it in my closet because mother doesn't like bugs.' _Wrote Roach. It was true, the first time his mother had seen the jar full of cockroaches she dropped the laundry basket she was caring and jumped up on the bed. After that they had to take up residence in his closet behind a box of old dirty magazines he had found in the attic.

"I don't think that they'll like it that much in there." Said Dottie who though that it must have been horrible for them to be trapped in a jar in a dark closet . She had locked herself in the closet once and it had been a terrifying affair to say the least.

'_They're cockroaches, they can live anywhere.' _Wrote Roach as he drank the milk from the bottom of his cereal bowl to the best of his ability. Dot didn't seem to mind his messy eating or the fact that when he ate his tongue stump was quite visible. He was grateful for that, he didn't like to be stared at and he especially hated the sad looks he'd be given or the turning of heads or the whispering that would come up whenever he'd open his mouth.

"Really?" asked Dottie who would have to see that for herself. She wondered if they could survive in the oven or under water. She'd have to se if they could later that day if she didn't fall back asleep in the middle of the day as she often did because her six year old body needed much more sleep than she usually got.

"Yeah." Said Roach as he took his bowl and hers to the sink and left them in there to be washed with the other breakfast dishes. He hoped that Dot didn't leave to go do whatever it was she did during the day, he liked talking to her. Talking to Dottie was like talking to Alice only Dottie contributed more to the conversation and he wasn't nervous around Dottie like he was around Alice.

"I'll be the judge of that later. Anyway, you want some toast? I'm allowed to make my own toast you know. I'm allowed to make cereal and toast and peal my own apple but I'm just not allowed to go near the oven because I tried to used the oven once and the kitchen almost burned down. The fire department got here pretty quick though and they did a good job putting out the fire but the cabinets above the oven burned down so that made mom and dad kinda mad." Said Dottie as Roach nodded 'yes'. She opened the bread box to get some bread. She tossed a half eaten bread piece out of the box and out the window to the birds. As the bread began to toast she poured him and her some orange juice. She wanted milk but then she remembered what happened the last time she chased orange juice with milk and shuddered. As she worked Roach noticed the stump of a pinky finger she had. His fingers were just broken and reset but at least he still had all of his and for a moment he felt sorry for her. He looked at it for a bit more time and he noticed how since she was a righty she gripped things differently like he did. She noticed him looking.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." Said Dottie who would have rather gotten attention for something she did like going out in twenty degree whether with only her bathing suit on and not for the stump of a pinky finger she had courtesy of Morgan.

'Sowree. (Sorry.)" said Roach quietly. He didn't mean to stare at her and he knew that it wasn't polite to stare but he couldn't stop himself. He was used to seeing things like that but never on one of his siblings. Well, except for Morgan but that was just a brief glance at the space on his foot where his big toe should have been.

"It's Ok but don't ever stare like that again or I'll stare at your tongue stump. Believe me I will." Said Dottie as she got some jam from the fridge and pulled out a watch. Roach held his hand out, it was his. He sometimes got very hungry and just stuck his entire arm into jars and boxes of food and sometimes lost watches and the occasional bracelet that Alice made for him. Dottie handed it to him and he decided to wash it later and then put it back on, it was really sticky.

"Jam or butter?" asked Dottie as the toast popped out the toaster slightly burned black but still edible. He pointed to the butter but then pointed at himself. Dottie understood that he wanted to do it himself and handed him a butter knife. He spread the butter on thickly, he loved butter. To him butter and jam and nacho cheese were the very essence of divinity. They were some of the bets things he could still taste and for that he was beyond grateful. They spread their butter and jam at the table in silence, both of them having questions that they needed to have the answers to but they didn't dare ask for fear of hurting each others feelings. Dottie being the adventurous child she was decided that they would play a question answering game because she couldn't stand not having some sort of answer for something. She always was given some sort of answer or came to her own conclusion but she felt that she should get her answer directly from him.

"You wanna play a game, David?" asked Dottie as she put some chocolate syrup on her toast.

"Yeah." Said Roach. He liked to play games; they took his mind off of things he would have rather forgotten. Like the game of cat and mouse he would play with Daddy when he escaped into the walls. It was a bit ironic and funny to Roach that that time the mouse beat the cat. He didn't know what she was planning and would never have agreed if he did. He didn't want to tell anyone, especially his six year old sister and good friend.

"Ok, I'll ask you a question and you gotta answer it no matter what then you ask me a question and I answer it no matter what. It's kinda like truth or dare only there's no dare." Said Dottie as she licked her fingers clean or the jam and chocolate sauce. Roach began to shake his head no so quickly his vision began to blur. Dottie didn't like that and took in a huffy breath as she crossed her arms.

"You gotta! You already said you would and if you don't that would make you a liar!" said Dottie angrily. Roach sighed and complied with his little sister. He didn't want to lie to her; she had been nicer to him when he first came home than any of his new siblings. He only lied to people who had been cruel to him or people he just didn't like. He was going to lie to her if she started to tread dangerous waters though, there were some things he didn't tell anyone, not even Alice. There were some secrets that he was going to take with him to his grave, he promised himself that.

"Ok, me first. Uhh…is your hair blonde or brown?" asked Dot who decided that it would be better if she beat around the bush for a bit before diving in headfirst. Roach shrugged hi shoulders and made a sound close to 'I dunno'. He wasn't all too sure if his hair was a dark blonde or light brown. Whenever he looked to the bright side while being in the walls one of the first things that came up was that he now knew his hair color; black.

"Me neither and we got almost the same hair color 'cept mines closer to brown. Your turn to ask now." Said Dottie as she took a particularly long lock or her mop-top hair for emphasis

'_Why is your hair so short?' _asked Roach. It had been on his mind since he first saw her, why her hair was just a bit longer than his. He had always thought that girl children had to have long hair that must have been tied with a bow at all times but he suspected that that was just one of the lies that Mommy told. It took her a minute or so to read it but when she did she ran a hand through her short mop-top hair. He was right, it was a bit short but that was how she liked it.

"'Cause I like it this way, got a problem? Long hair gets too much in the way anyway and it takes forever to comb and shampoo. I almost never comb it so I have time for more fun stuff to do." Said Dottie as Roach made an 'OK' sign with his fingers. She began to think of a question to ask him and he feared that she may ask about things that were better left unsaid. If she did ask about things that were better left unsaid he was going to think of some excuse to leave and he'd avoid her for the rest of the day.

"Do you like Alice? If you do I won't tell. I'm a good secret keeper you know, I didn't tell anyone when dad cheated on our taxes and said that he was a war veteran. He only served for two weeks on a sub so I don't think that that counts but hey, I don't know a lot about how this government works." Said Dottie who had been meaning to ask him that for quite some time. She wondered if he was going to marry Alice, that would have been neat because then there'd be a wedding and a party and she loved a good party. Plus the Cullen family would get even bigger and it was pretty big with her eleven aunts and uncles and twenty two first cousins alone.

'_Of course I do, she's my best friend.'_ Wrote Roach who didn't understand why there would be doubt in his sister's mind about him liking Alice. If he didn't like Alice than why would she be at his house or him at her house almost every day? He would never understand small children even if he had a whole horde of them. Dottie read it and laughed but then as quickly as she began laughing she stopped. It wasn't good to laugh at him; she had been told that the first day he had come home. It felt like a million years ago but she still remembered it as if it were yesterday.

"No I mean like, do you love her? Wanna marry her? Wanna move to Buffalo and get a house and have ten sons and ten daughters with her? You know; that sorta thing." Said Dot as Roach turned beat red and began to stutter. He wasn't sure if he should answer that question, he had just admitted to himself that he loved her not to long ago and wasn't sure if he could or even should tell another person. His reaction was enough confirmation for Dot.

"It's OK, I won't tell." Said Dottie quietly. He rubbed her head in thanks and began to thing of a question to ask her. Since she asked an incredibly personal question so would he. After all, it was only fair that if she knew something personal about him than he should know something personal about her.

'_What happened to your finger?' _asked Roach. Dot tucked her fingers to her palm self-consciously. She was a bit embarrassed about her finger and was teased mercilessly about it by the people she tried so hard to befriend.

"One day when it was Morgan and Trysta's ninth birthday grandpa got them BB guns. Trysta didn't really use hers all that much but Morgan shot everything. Targets, soda cans, even birds and squirrels. One day he set up some targets by where I was playing and he had been pumping the gun for a whole hour, he wanted it to have enough force to break through the house and come out the other end. Well, he shot it and I was walking by holding my telescope that Donna gave me and the pellet hit my finger in the jointed part. Mom took me to the hospital right away but it hurt my joint too much to they had to take my whole, entire finger off. But you wanna know what makes me feel better? The very next day Morgan tried the exact same thing and he lost his big toe. That's ironing isn't it?" Said Dottie. Roach gave her a sympathetic then confused look. What did she mean by ironing?

'_Ironing?' _asked Roach. He thought that it might have been slang, he was sure that the slang must have changed in the ten years he had been locked away.

"You know, ironing. Like…uhh…ooh! I got it! Like how sometimes I hear you stutter even though you can't talk. Or like how even though Morgan and Trysta are twins they're so different. You get it now?" said Dottie after much deliberation.

'_I got it. You mean irony not ironing, Dot. Irony.' _Wrote Roach who really didn't like it when people mispronounced words. It was one of his biggest peeves. He considered it a waste of a perfectly good tongue to stumble over the simplest or the most complex of words in the English langue. If he still had his tongue he wouldn't ever stumble over a word, even if it wasn't in English he'd always pronounce it correctly.

"Tomato tumatto, potato putatto." Said Dottie as she opened the blinds all the way to let some of the sunlight come into the room.

'**How long were we sitting here for?' **thought Roach as he noticed the sun making its long trek across the New Jersey skyline. He looked at the kitchen clock and gasped as he saw the time. It was almost seven o'clock in the morning. Dottie noticed to and began to pull him to the couch in the living room. He let himself be dragged not wanting to be away from his little sister just yet.

"C'mon David, cartoons start about now! We can finish playing later but right now let's watch some Wednesday morning cartoons. And Dorothea Louisa Francesca Bianca Lonna Robesca said 'Let there be mind numbing television!'" said Dottie not caring that she might have woken up the whole house. If there was one thing she and the rest of the family could agree on it was TV. She especially loved the weekday morning TV because the only times she could watch it was in the summer and during breaks. Roach loved TV too but not enough to go screaming or at least loud talking about it as seven in the morning. He leaned back into the old couch as the theme song for 'Scooby Doo' played. He loved the old shows that were on when he was little because it helped to jog his memory about happier times. They sat there in the living room just watching TV until the first commercial but then Dot decided to continue their game. It was either that or watch commercials.

"My turn, David." Said Dottie turning towards him. He cocked his head to the side in a 'what' fashion. He thought that the game was over and he didn't really feel like playing. Actually, he felt like going to sleep. He was feeling tired but he made an 'OK' sign with his fingers, he was happy with his sister and he didn't want to leave that happiness until it began to recede away to the sadness and depression he had been feeling more and more of as of late.

"Is it true that they never let you go outside? I mean like ever." Said Dottie getting down to business. It was quite the pressing question to her because she didn't know how anyone could survive with out fresh air and sunshine. She wasn't particularly outdoorsy but she couldn't imagine spending every moment of your life indoors day in and day out. Roach looked down before nodding 'yes'. He knew that the conversation would turn to his time in captivity as most of the conversations he had with his family did. He wished that they'd just let it stay dead and buried instead of bringing it up like that.

"You're sayin' never ever?" asked Dottie quietly. She couldn't picture someone never going outside, ever. She was told that the people who took him did horrible things to him and treated him badly but she never gave it much thought besides the fact that his tongue was cut out. Roach gave her a stern look that clearly said 'drop it'. She did and they went back to watching TV while Dot still had a million and one questions waiting to be answered. She wanted to know how badly he was treated, if he was really locked in a cellar, if he really lived in the space between walls, and if there really was a treasure hidden in the house where he was held prisoner. She often asked her family these questions but was always told to shut up and talk about something less depressing. Amanda stumbled down the stairs half asleep and looking like a wreck. She didn't bother to get ready that morning, what would be the point? It wouldn't make her life any better and she wouldn't be leaving the house either. She didn't notice her children sitting on the couch as she passed through the living room to get breakfast started.

"So this is my life?" muttered a depressed Amanda as she got the milk from the fridge. She was going to make cold cereal that morning. What would be the point of making a real breakfast if all that he children were going to do was complain? Well, the younger ones would, the older ones just barred with it. She went to the cabinets to get some bowls while wondering why her life had turned out the way it did. She was going to be an actress, not a house wife and occasional part time worker before Donna was born. Not that she blamed her daughter or even her husband. No, she blamed herself because it was her fault she got pregnant at fifteen and again at sixteen. She noticed the bowls in the sink and was confused. Usually if Dot had decided to rise with the sun there would be only one cereal bowl in the kitchen sink but there were two. She knew that most of her other children were still asleep, they tried to catch up on their sleep as best as they could before summer ended. Since she heard Morgan snoring and saw Trysta in her bed she could only assume that it was one of her oldest. It probably wasn't Donna; it wasn't in her nature to do something like that so it must have been David. She felt a pang of sadness at that thought. She knew that he must have been mad at her, why else wouldn't he eat with her? She feared that he was angry with her, hated her. She almost wished that he had died sometimes when she looked at his scarred body or dull eyes. She knew that that was the worst thought a mother could ever have about her child but it was true. Most of her son was gone from this person. When she looked into his eyes that spark that used to light them up had almost been completely extinguished into nothingness. It hurt her sometimes that that was what she and her selfish irresponsibility had condemned him to. She wanted him to scream at her, been mean to her, show some form of anger towards her and what she did to him. What she condemned him to. What she made him into. She stifled a sob, she had to be strong. She knew that she had to be strong but how could she? She was his executioner, not the man and woman who held him captive. It was like it was her that held the gun in her hand, her that pulled the trigger. Her that ended it all.

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"Hey Dave, can you get me when breakfast is ready? I'm still kinda hungry a little bit. I hope mom makes pancakes!" said Dottie as the ending credits began to roll. Roach nodded 'yes' as she left for the upstairs. He sat back and got himself comfortable. He liked cartoons because they could take his mind off of things he would have rather forgotten but he especially loved watching them with someone, mostly Alice but Dottie was good too he supposed. He heard some clattering in the kitchen and assumed it was his mother, she usually got breakfast ready around that time. He debated whether or not he should have gone to see her. He felt the need to further make his peace with her but he also felt like he should avoid her. He couldn't decide so he decided to leave it all up to chance and flip a coin he had found in the couch.

'**OK, heads I go and further make my peace with her. Tails I stay here and watch more TV until breakfast is ready. I'm really not that hungry but its best that I eat whenever food is placed in front of me so I act like a good boy and also so I don't get any skinnier and starve to death as I've seen many others before. Is that even possible?' **thought Roach as he flipped the coin. It landed on heads and he got up from his spot, his pajama shirt irritating the raised, ugly red bumps on his skin as well as the brown spots. He didn't know which were worse, the itchy brown spots that used to predominantly cover his skin or the new red bumps that covered his back and part of his forehead. At least he was a bit less pale than he used to be but he was still paler than most of the other people he had seen. It being summer didn't do much to help since he covered himself up a lot even though he was slowly but surely beginning to get his tolerance for natural light back. He went to the kitchen and softly opened the door. He could see his mother standing at the table pouring milk into bowls while muttering to herself. She didn't notice him standing in the doorway so he waited for a few seconds. He began to rock back and forth on his heels as she continued to not notice him. After three minutes passed he cleared his throat loudly.

"David! I didn't see you there." said Amanda surprised. She didn't expect him to be there with her, she expected him to be trying to avoid her but then again it wouldn't have been the first time she had been wrong about something concerning her oldest son. They stared awkwardly at each other for a few moments. Roach wanted to further make his peace with his mother to remove all doubt from her mind and his but he wasn't all that sure how to go about doing that. He wondered if he should even bring it up or just let it lie. If he brought it up he might just make things worse but if he just let it lie then he and his mother would still have worry and doubt and guilt at the back of their minds. This was very confusing for Roach and it was making him nervous. He decided to just throw caution to the wind and deal with the aftermath later.

'_Mother, can I talk or rather write to you?' _wrote Roach in his messy scrawl handwriting. He put the writing thing in there to lighten the tense mood the room seemed to be covered in. It still hung in the air like a dense fog though which made it all the more difficult for him but he knew what had to be done. He hoped that the conversation didn't turn to his actions of the previous night, he didn't wan to explain that to anyone, not even his own mother.

"Sure David, what's on your mind?" said Amanda fearing the worst. She half feared and half welcomed the worst because at least it would be closure. He had told her that he was still a bit angry with her but she knew that that wasn't all that he was feeling, she could see it in his eyes and through his actions. She could also see it in the cracked remains of the bathroom mirror and the slight blood stain that remained on the floor no matter how much scrubbing was done to it. It sat there as a reminder of what a bad mother she was, how she was responsible for all that had happened to him. She wanted to know if he was angry with her and just couldn't hold it in anymore or he was just unbalanced. If he was unbalanced it wouldn't surprise her considering all that he had been through, things she'd never know. Things she imagined would be better if she never knew. Donna knew and it broke her heart and made her lash out to her family, mostly her but who she lashed out at wasn't the point. The point was that whatever had happened to her son was enough to do that to her normally calm and collected oldest daughter.

'_I know you think I'm still mad at you, that I hate you but that's not true. You're my mother and I love you, I could never, ever hate you. I'm your son and I love you.' _wrote Roach. Amanda blinked back tears that threatened to break free and stream down her face like salty rivers born in sorrow; she almost wished that he had told her off or even struck her. She didn't deserve him and she knew it. She didn't deserve his forgiveness or the unconditional love he was showing. She felt like crying, sobbing until she had no more tears to shed. She held them in as best as she could to be strong for him. She had to be the adult for once even though she didn't really get to be a child when she had the chance.

"I-I love you too, David. I'm sorry for what happened to you though. I'm just so sorry!" said Amanda almost in tears. Roach decided to cast any discomfort he had aside, he didn't like to see women cry, especially his own mother. He stood in front of her and ever so slowly put his arms around her in a slightly rigid embrace. Amanda pulled him closer and just held him there. They stayed that way until Donna came up stairs looking like she had been up all night. After that they broke apart and Roach took his place at the table. Donna looked at him with sorrow in her blue eyes identical to his in almost every way, she still had that spark, that life behind hers while the spark in his eyes was diminished to almost nothing. Amanda didn't talk or even look at Donna. She was still very angry with her oldest daughter and jealous as well. It wasn't fair to Amanda that Donna knew so much about him while she and David Sr. knew so little. It was like their son had become a stranger but they still loved him just as much as they did ten years ago. They didn't have a funeral for him or even take down his room and they were grateful that they didn't. They didn't want to know how he'd react if they had a funeral for him or even dared to forget him.

"Are you ready to apologize, Belladonna?" asked Amanda not turning around from her task as she took the hard pieces out of Morgan's cereal bowl so he didn't put them back in the box.

"I already to David I was sorry, right David?" asked Donna as Roach nodded yes. That obviously wasn't the answer Amanda was looking for as she turned around and glared at Donna so hard Roach was afraid that she'd glare holes through her. He was slightly frightened by the intensity of the anger that shown through those brown eyes, it was the same intense anger that Mommy would look at him with whenever he was bad or ran from wall to wall through the hallways in front of her as a reminder of how he could and she couldn't do anything about it. He bit his lower lip in nervousness so hard he feared he was going to draw blood.

"I meant apologize to me, Belladonna." Said Amanda in a measured voice not noticing what she was doing to her son. Donna looked like she was about to protest but a stern look from her mother made her think twice about staring a fight. She sighed loudly in defeat. You have to pick your battles after all.

"I'm sorry I was disrespectful towards you and dad and I'll never do anything like that again." Said Donna in a slightly rehearsed voice like she had been repeating that same sentence every time she had done something wrong, which she probably did. That seemed to satisfy Amanda and Roach let out the breath he had subconsciously been holding and let himself relax in his chair. Amanda put the cereal bowls down in everyone's respective spot at the table. Roach ate his even though he wasn't hungry and Donna stirred hers around a bit and sighed. She looked over at him and put her hand on his arm. He instinctively pulled his arm away and almost knocked his milk glass into his cereal bowl. That depressed Donna even more but then again he did have every right to be angry at her since she did invade his privacy and learned things about him that he didn't even tell Alice yet or ever. He glared at her, he was so mad at her he though that he was going to hit her, which went against every moral he had and believed in. They sat in silence for a few moments when David Sr. came downstairs looking tired.

"Hey everybody, where's Trysta, Morgan, and Dot?" asked David Sr. cheerfully still happy that he had managed to spend some time with his seldom seen son even if it was over beers at one in the morning.

"Probably still asleep and I think I saw Dottie out in the front yard with that notebook of hers." Said Amanda quietly

"I miss a funeral or somethin'?" asked David Sr. as he sat down to his meal and grimaced. He liked cereal but all they had was super sugary neon colored kids cereal.

"No, just the aftermath of a storm called life." Said Donna still stirring her cereal around ignoring the fact that it was getting even colder and even more unappealing.

"Oh." Said David Sr. deciding not to press it too much. He knew that it had to do with the events of the previous night and he knew better than to pry and press. That wouldn't en d well for anyone involved but he might learn a bit more about his. He almost didn't want to know more about his son because the more he learned the more he regretted knowing and the more he blamed himself, mentally beat himself up over things that were completely and totally unforeseen by anyone. They sat in silence for a few moments as the rest of the Cullen family minus Dottie came to the table. They only vaguely worried about her, it wasn't unusual for her to find something fascinating in the back or front yard and investigate it for hours on end. Amanda and David Sr. didn't particularly like it but they didn't want to stifle her natural creativity and curiosity. As the meal progressed both Morgan and Trysta were unsure of what to say to their brother or parents so they didn't say anything at all. Morgan felt horrible for what he did to his brother, his empathy coming back after a long vacation, and Trysta didn't know how to feel at the moment as many emotions churned inside of her. Amanda decided to look out the window to see if Dottie was still in the yard, she had a habit of wandering off to 'take a trip to parts unknown' as she called it. Amanda called it losing David all over again. She looked out the back window and fell into a panic as her youngest child was no where to be seen. She ran to the front door to see if she was in the front yard as she wondered why her children insisted on shortening her life span by making her worry so much.

"You'll get used to it." Said David Sr. as the rest of the Cullen family nodded in agreement. Their mother had the odd habit of flying off the handle whenever she didn't know exactly where they were. They understood why she did it but that didn't mean that it didn't annoy them to no end.

"Dorothea Louisa Francesca Biance Lonna Robesca!" screamed Amanda and starling the rest of the family. What ever had happened it couldn't have been good because Amanda almost never raised her voice to any of her children unless they had done something epically bad.

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"Whacha doin'"? asked Dottie as she came up to a car with aliens painted on it about two houses down from her own. She knew that she shouldn't have left her house but she had seen it from her front yard and it looked interesting and if there was one thing she learned from Morgan it was that breaking a rule was only breaking a rule if you got caught. Besides, dangerous strangers usually had black vans didn't they? They did in all the stranger danger movies she saw at school and this van was blue and it looked really interesting. She dropped that rocks she had been collecting to use s projectiles to get the attention of passing UFOs. She saw some people dress as aliens in front of the van arguing and she was about to investigate it when her mother's voice pierced the calm of the late summer's morning. She barely had time to turn her head when her mother had her by the ear and then proceeded to drag her back to the house.

"Oww! Ouch! Mom you're ripping my ear off!" said Dot as she struggled to get free. She didn't see what the big deal was, they didn't look like the dangerous kind of strangers. They looked like interesting people and Amanda had taught her children that just because a person was different that didn't mean that they were bad.

"That's good! You weren't using it anyway! I told you not leave the yard and what do you do?! You leave the yard! I tell you not to talk to strangers and what do you do?! You go waltzing right up to a bunch of obvious wackos without a care in the world! Do you think I talk just to hear myself speak?!" yelled Amanda as she entered the house with Dot. Everyone but Roach watched in fascination, Dot almost never got in trouble. She got away with much more than they did and they were desperate to hear what had pushed their mother over the edge. Roach on the other hand watched from the safety of the table. Dot was so small and sweet and nice and smart and he didn't want to see her get pummeled by their mother. His mother never hit him but he knew that his father hit Morgan. He was so scared for her he almost wet himself and he could feel the contents of his stomach threatening to come up the way they came in. He was grateful that he wasn't noticed in his pitiful state as he began to rock back and forth.

"But they didn't look like the dangerous kind strangers, mom! They looked really interesting!" said Dottie pleading with her mother who had released her ear and sat her down on the couch. Amanda had never been this angry before in her life. She just gets her son back after ten years and her youngest daughter goes and pulls a stunt like that. Amanda was so enraged that she was afraid that she was having a heart attack. It was David all over again.

"All strangers are dangerous Dot! You know that!" yelled Dottie who refused to lose this fight even if it was with her own mother. She knew what she was doing, couldn't anyone see that?

"But you said that just because someone looks or acts different that doesn't make them bad people! You said!" said Dottie as she crossed her arms. She wasn't going down with out a fight even though she knew at the back or her mind that it wasn't a fight that she could win.

"I don't care what I said! You don't talk to people if either me or dad don't know them!" yelled Amanda as she began to pace the floor and mutter 'calm blue ocean' in an effort to calm down. This couldn't have been good for her but she needed to teach Dot. She wanted to spank Dot so badly right then. Screw her opposition to corporal punishment! That was they only way Morgan learned and it looked like it was going to be the only way that Dot could learn as well. She raised her hand but put it down when in her peripheral vision she saw the huddle mass that was her oldest son.

"Honey, please don't drag me into this." Said David Sr. from the doorway. He was angry with Dot too but someone had to keep a cool head and it looked like it had to be him. He was going to give her the worst punishment he ever gave but he wasn't going to take his belt to a six year old girl, a ten year old jerk of a boy maybe but not a six year old little girl.

"Then I guess I shouldn't talk to David then because you and dad don't know him either!" aid Dottie. A person that was older wouldn't have even gone near the subject of him but then again Dot was six and she had been dropped on her head. There was a collective gasp from everyone, including Roach. Talking about that subject was like walking on egg shell covered tissue paper in hiking boots. Donna wanted to smack her little sister so badly then. She knew that he was kidnapped and she knew that it was a delicate subject but she didn't care and that made Donna's blood boil and her fists clench. She knew that Dot didn't know the half of it and she knew that Dot was only six but at that moment she didn't care.

"Dorothea Louis Francesca Bianca Lonna Robesca Cullen! How dare you!" yelled Amanda as the vein on her neck began to throb. That wasn't just crossing the line, that was throwing up on it!

"Yeah! You guys don't know didly do daa about him! Hell, even Donna knows more about him than you guys!" yelled Dottie. What happened next seemed to happen in super slow motion. Amanda slapped Dot clear across the face ear to ear. Everyone looked at her jaw dropped and wide eyed like she had just pulled off her face to reveal and alien underneath, she had never struck any of them except the time when Morgan decided to run away and made it all the way to the state line that divided New Jersey from New York and even then never that hard. She had struck Dot hard enough to leave a huge, red handprint in her face. Dot looked at her mother with wide eyes and a terrified expression but then broke down crying. Roach would have helped her but he felt paralyzed and instinctively stayed as far out of his mother's line of vision as possible while still being under the safety of the table. Well, that and when his mother struck Dot he had wet himself and wasn't about to get up until everyone left and he could change. He was afraid that Dot might end up like him even though he knew that in all logic that people didn't cut other people's tongues out on the outside he still was afraid that she'd end up like him. For a moment he was back in the walls watching Alice cower before Mommy and Daddy as she was smacked for this and that and then he saw himself begging for the mercy he knew would never come. He was having a daymare, they were becoming more and more frequent. He felt like throwing up from the nerves but tried his best to keep his breakfast down.

"Mama?" asked Dottie quietly and Amanda's face instantly softened. She felt like a monster. She wanted to turn back the clock and make it so that that never happened. Donna's face didn't soften though; in her mind Dot had deserved it. She deserved it for crossing the line so badly even if she was speaking the truth. The truth hurt, she had learned that lesson well and now her mother and father had learned it too.

"Dot, shut up! Ok! Just shut up! You wanna end up like David? Do you! You're gonna if you talk to strangers! We did and look at what happened to him!" yelled Donna walking into the living room. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

"I'm not gonna end up like David! I'm not David! Even though they tried to name me David but I came out a girl so they juts called out a whole bunch of names doesn't make me him! Just because I was supposed to be him doesn't make me him! I'm not David I'm Dorothea! Dorothea Louisa Francesca Bianca Lonna Robesca!" yelled Dot recovering from the shock of having been hit. She wasn't going to end up like him, she knew it. She wasn't him and she hated when people treated her like she was him just because he was about her age when he got kidnapped. They had treated Morgan and Trysta the same way when they were four through seven.

"Well you're doin' a real good job of living up to that claim, _Dorothea_!" said Donna sarcastically

"At least I actually talked to him instead of reading his journal! No wonder he's broke the bathroom mirror with his hand!" said Dottie standing on the arm of the couch to come as close to Donna's height as possible to look imposing but failing miserably.

"Donna, leave her alone!" said David Sr. who wanted to end this before the neighbors decided to call the police about a domestic disturbance as they had done in the past whenever Donna and Amanda would have one of their famous fights.

"No dad! She's got to learn! Someone else in this family doesn't need to get raped!" yelled Donna before she could catch herself. Time its self seemed to stand still as a hush descended upon the room. The only sound that could be heard was Roach's heavy breathing and the clatter he made as he ran up to his room feeling filthier than he had ever felt before.

"Uh...yeah. Well..." stuttered Donna awkwardly as they all stared at her. Five pairs of eyes locked themselves onto Donna. Some were angry, some were shocked, and some were just confused. Amanda and David Sr. were shocked and mentally trying to convince themselves that Donna had misread his journal because they refused to believe that someone had done that to their son. They refused to believe it even as they replayed his behavior in their minds. They way he'd push them away, the obsessive bathing, the fact that when he slept between them they could hear him muttering what sounded like 'don't touch me' and 'I don't want to do that'. They tried to convince them selves that that behavior stemmed from physical abuse and not sexual abuse. Morgan and Trysta both knew what rape meant but they didn't think that it could happen tot heir older brother but then again he had had his tongue cut out so it wasn't that far off to think that something like that could have happened to him. Morgan felt like curling up in a whole and dieing when the realization that his brother might have been raped and he made his life even worse. He still felt remorse though; it just took some time to catch up with him. Dot was confused, she had an idea of what rape meant but she thought that people could only do stuff like that to girls. She wasn't going to ask if that was true though, it didn't seem like that would be the best course of action at that point because the tension was so thick in the air she could almost see it. Amanda spoke first in a small voice.

"No." whispered Amanda more to convince herself than her other family members. She felt like crying and screaming and comforting her son and avoiding him at the same time. She was hyperventilating and David Sr. put an arm around her. She pushed it off, she didn't want anyone to get near her. She had done it. She had done all of those horrible things to him. Not she herself, it was her actions on that September day in 1981 that condemned her son to be beaten and burned and mutilated and now raped. She was no better then the people who tortured him. Actually, she was worse.

"Amanda." Whispered David Sr. as he put his arm around his wife again. He felt like throwing up from the pure shock and horror of the situation. He felt like the worst father in the world and he probably was. It would have been slightly better if it was one of his daughters. He knew that he was an atrocious, ghastly, terrible person for thinking that thought but it was more acceptable in his mind and in society for a girl to be raped. He was tempted to ask his son if it was the man, the woman, or both. Half out of curiosity and half because he needed to know who to shoot first. He didn't know which was worse. If it was the woman than she was a sick, sick woman and she probably ruined sex for his son forever. If it was the man that did that to his son he'd dig up his fathers gun from the backyard, go down to the county jail, and just start shooting a full round into his groin and chest before pistol whipping him to death and dancing on his dead body. He felt like digging up the gun and putting it in his mouth at the same time. He knew that suicide was one the worst thoughts a human being could ever have but he felt that his family, his children, everyone he had ever come in contact with, would have been better off with out him in their lives.

"David." Said Amanda as she took in a shallow, shuddered breath. She felt like curling up in a hole and just dieing but she also felt like slapping her daughter silly. She was better off not knowing and she didn't know why Donna didn't just leave the past where it was, the past.

"Kids, go watch TV." Said David Sr. as he went up the stairs to his sons room with his wife in tow. Morgan, Trysta, and Dot exchanged looks before complying. The muted it so they could hear what was being said upstairs. They needed to know if it was true but they knew better than to ask Donna who was sitting at the kitchen table crying so much the feared that the kitchen would flood. She was mad at herself for letting something so personal about him slip out. She just blurted it out in front of the whole family. She might as well have gone to the middle of the neighborhood with a megaphone and read his journal while screaming out every word. She was also afraid of any retribution that he might give her. She knew that he could defend himself well, he wrote about how he kept someone named Rateyes from hurting someone named Messenger with a single threat and how the man was so afraid of him he didn't follow him into the walls even in the places he did fit. Plush she had seen the muscle he put but on but she suspected that it was only as apparent as it was because of how skinny he was. She choked on her sobs as she got some ice cream from the fridge as comfort food. It was going to be a long night.

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"What do we say to him? 'Hey David, great whether we've been having, has anyone ever raped you?'" asked David Sr. as they stood outside of his sons room ignoring the muttering on the other side of the door. He sometimes talked to himself but they had no idea what he was saying. They swore that they could hear the word 'whore' come up a few times though but it was hard to tell.

"Maybe not those exact words but maybe we should beat around the bush a little bit or at least tell him that it wasn't his fault." Said Amanda who did want to confront her son about what Donna had impulsively blurted out but she also knew that with this new found knowledge their lives couldn't be business as usual and everything in their lives hunky dory. Well, nothing in their lives had ever been hunky dory even before her son disappeared but that wasn't the point.

"Maybe we should just let sleeping dogs lie, Amanda. After all, if he was what do we do then?" asked David Sr. not wanting to confront the horrifying truth of the matter.

"Therapy David Mathias Cullen the 3rd! He needs therapy and you know it! He's not just going to get better all of a sudden raped or not!" said Amanda who was not going to stand by and watch her son get worse and worse. She knew that it was never ever going to resolve it's self and she knew that she wasn't qualified to help like a therapist was. It wasn't even a question of money since some therapists worked on a sliding scale and then one that evaluated him at the hospital had called numerous times to attempt to make an appointment

"You know how I feel about therapy Amanda!" said David Sr. who felt like the whole thing was his fault but didn't know if his son felt that way or wanted his son to feel that way.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah David, we get. 'It turns wives against husbands, son's against fathers, and neighbors against you.' We've all heard your little speech David and just because your brother ended up like that doesn't mean our son will!" said Amanda not caring at the moment that she had just brought up the touchy subject or her husband's disowned younger brother who joined a cult in 1973 to escape his domineering father. She hoped that their son didn't go down the same road but then again he was afraid to go into his own backyard without anybody so running away seemed a bit preposterous.

"Well, it does and how dare you bring up Joseph!" said David Sr. completely forgetting the fact that they were trying to keep their voices down. His illegitimate half brother was a very touchy subject for him.

"I'm a grown woman, I can bring up whoever the hell I want!" said Amanda ironically childishly while raising her voice above his

"You're pressing my buttons Amanda!" said David Sr. in a warning tone. He was never ever going to hit his wife but that didn't mean that they couldn't have the verbal battle of the century.

"No I'm not, this is pressing your buttons!" said Amanda childishly as she poked him in the stomach with her long red fake nail.

"Ouch! Amanda, what the hell is the matter with you?!"

"'What's the matter with you?'" mimicked Amanda in a voice close to his like a small child

"And I'm the one who never grew up?!" yelled David Sr. for a moment not caring about the scurrying sounds that came form the other side of the door. Roach was looking for somewhere to hide, he had seen things like this his whole life and he knew that it wasn't going to end well.

"Yeah! You call yourself a father?!" said Amanda who was fed up with the way her husband parented the children from letting them run wild to contradicting her at every turn.

"You call yourself a mother?!" said David Sr. who knew that his wife wasn't exactly mother or the year but she wasn't unfit by a long shot. He was just trying to push her buttons.

"I'm a much better parent than you are or ever were!" said Amanda as she turned her back to him and crossed her arms

"Is that why Donna's so mad at you?! Or maybe why David won't let you touch him?!" said David Sr. getting in her face again. He like Dot and Morgan always had to have the last word

"How dare you bring up David!" said Amanda who had been trying to keep her children out of the argument so that they didn't think that they were arguing about them even though often times they were

"Well why shouldn't I?! It's true that he won't let you touch him and I probably because he might have been touched!" said David Sr. earning a gasp from Amanda

"We don't know that for sure! Donna could have misconstrued it! It wouldn't be the first time!"

"Well we know that they beat and burned and tied him up and all other types of things with him so doing that to him isn't that far off!"

"Raping someone is a far cry from beating someone!" said Amanda fully in denial about anything like that happening to her son. Those kinds of things were only things that happened to children on the news but then again she had felt the same way about kidnapping all those years ago.

"Oh really! Then explain to me why at night he puts his arms out in front of him like he pushing someone off of him and why it sometimes sounds like he's saying 'I don't wanna do that' in his sleep!"

"He always moves around in his sleep because he dreams about the man and the woman beating him and how the hell do you know what he's saying?! For the love of God he doesn't have a tongue!"

"Why don't you ask Donna about this? Oh wait, you can't! You can't because she's mad at you!"

"Me and Donna are patching things up and David lets me touch him now! But you wouldn't know that would you?!"

"Hey I got news for you Amanda, I work hard to support this family that you started!"

"Excuse me?! I started?! So what David, I jumped on myself and got pregnant?!"

"Your the one who didn't take your pill!"

"You said you'd pull out! And what do you mean work hard?! Your father gave you a manger slash fill in for whoever job out of pity and I know you don't come straight home after work! I'm not an idiot David!"

"Well Amanda, I think I'm entitled to unwind after a long days work! Something you wouldn't know about!"

"And you don't think I'd like to unwind? I work my fingers to the bone with David and the rest of them and the children I have to watch to help out our financial situation that would have been a lot better if-"

"If what Amanda? Just come out and say it!"

"You want me to actually say it?!"

"Did I freakin' stutter?!"

"Fine! If I had been more responsible and not taken him out that day we wouldn't have had to spend so much money looking for him and putting his picture on every fucking milk carton and telephone poll. Especially when he was only two miles away in the well off district this whole fucking time!" yelled Amanda at the top of her lungs not caring about her children or the neighbors hearing.

"Yeah! You just had to leave the house even when you were five months pregnant with those two and you lost our son! It was like you were the one who shot him yourself!" said David Sr. cruelly not wanting to face up to his part of the unfortunate situation. He felt a pang of guilt as his wife broke down in tears right in front of their oldest son's door as she had done many times before but this time was different. In the past it had been in the sorrow of the fact that he might have been dead but now it was because of his harsh, cruel, and sharp words. He was the one who needed his tongue cut out.

"I-I did it! It's my whole, entire fault! It might as well have been me laying him on the gas stove or shoving a fork through his hand or hanging him by his wrists from a bolt in the chimney or any of the other things he had to endure. I might as well have been holding the knife! I might as well have been holding the gun! I might as well have been the one who-who-" cried Amanda not being able to finish. Roach sat on the other side of the door scared and sympathetic to his mother. He both wanted to keep her safe and comfort her but he also wanted top run away as fast as he could from her and never come back

"Amanda, Mandy, Amy, baby don't be that way, what I said was just completely and totally uncalled for. It's not your fault, it was never your fault. It was my fault. I shouldn't have left that day and now I'm paying the eternal price whenever I look at my son, talk to my son."

"You think you're paying the eternal price?! I have to see him everyday David! Every single day I have to look at that pale, scarred body! Everyday I have to look at those almost empty blue eyes! Hell, when you really get down to it he's the one paying the eternal price! He can't sleep, he can't talk, he can't even think with out remembering what happened to him!" said Amanda raising her voice again and not caring that her oldest son was hiding in his closet or that her youngest children were sitting at the top of the stairs hanging on every word.

"You both screwed up big time! OK?! And beating yourselves up ain't gonna solve anythin'!" said Dottie loudly from the stairs. She had been watching her parents beat themselves up over losing him her whole life and she couldn't take it any more. They were sad when he left so by all the logic she had developed they should have been happy but they were even sadder when he came back. Dot vowed to never grow up to be like her parents, everything she did was going to make sense.

"How dare you!" said David Sr. turning to his youngest daughter. It was her fault this had come up in the first place in his mind and when they were done sorting things out with him they were going to give Dottie the punishment of a lifetime. He was becoming quite the disciplinarian even though he didn't want to and it made him feel terrible inside. He wondered if that was how his father felt when he had to punish him or his brothers.

"You guys aren't making any sense! If you guys were so sad when he was gone then why aren't you happy now that he's back? Instead of being happy you guys are fighting more than ever and crying and just being really, really sad. I'm sorry for what I did but you guys gotta pull yourselves together!" said Dottie as she went to her room. Everyone looked at her for the longest time and Morgan and Trysta ran downstairs to avoid their parents. David Sr. and Amanda looked at each other, then at Dot's door, then at each other again. It was true, by all logical means they should have been happy. They should have been the happiest they had ever been in their lives because he came back but for some reason they were fighting and being depressed. Even if he was horribly abused they should have at least been happy to be claiming him from a hospital and not a morgue. They knew what they had to do as they pushed his door opened a bit. They looked around for a few moments before he came out of his closet.

'**What am I supposed to do now? I know for a fact that I'm not ever going to tell the truth. If I tell the truth they'll hate me, be ashamed of me. Be ashamed or the whore I am. I'm just like Messenger only I don't like it! Or maybe I do. I came so many times when they were doing that to me! Hell, the first time I ever came was the first time I was ever touched!'** thought Roach as he stood in front of his parents with his head down in shame. He wasn't going to tell them but he knew that Donna might. She knew everything and could tell them everything. She knew about all that had happened to him, all that he had done. She knew and he almost hated her for it but he knew that it wasn't true hate. He felt true hate everyday of his life for the man he once called father and the woman he once called mother.

"Well…uh…nice weather we're having, have you ever been-" started David Sr. as Amanda nudged him in the ribs shutting him up. She didn't think that he'd actually say that but then again how were they supposed to ask about something like this? Roach was surprised that his father would actually say that, he had heard everything that they said and it scared him. Their arguments scared him because whenever they'd argue he remember Mommy and Daddy arguing and hitting and the blood and the screams and the shots and his blood would always run cold after that and his breathing would come out shallow.

"David Jr., do you know what rape means?" asked Amanda quietly as she sat on the other side of her son on his bed. He looked down and nodded his head 'yes'.

"Did the man or the woman ever…you know?" Asked David Sr. nervously while keeping his distance from his son. He knew enough to know that it was never a good idea to stay near the boy whenever he had one of his anxiety attacks or looked like he was going to go into one. He almost didn't want to know if it was true that they did that to him. If it was true then what could he do? But if it wasn't true then he was going to become a religious man and thank God everyday for sparing his son that one suffering while forcing him to go through all of the others he was forced to live through and continued reliving almost everyday. Roach's head perked up quickly when his father uttered the words he had been dreading. He deliberated what to say. One the one hand it wasn't good to lie to his parents but on the other hand he highly doubted that they would want a whore boy for a son. He then had an epiphany; it wouldn't be a lie because Mommy and Daddy never did anything like that to him even though Daddy thought about it. He smiled big at the sudden thought. He wouldn't have to lie and his parents didn't have to know what he was and he could leave that past in the past. His parents were a bit confused by their son's quick change of mood but they didn't give it much thought, he had violent mood swings quite often. He be smiling his big, toothy smile one moment and then hiding under the kitchen table or up the chimney and moment crying his eyes out or screaming incoherent screams. He shook his head 'no' and the mood in the room seemed to instantly lighten and David Sr. let out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding. Amanda looked like she was ready to jump for joy. They were so happy that God had spared their son that one suffering that they didn't even ask why he had run away in the first place. Amanda threw her arms around him and he weakly returned her hug. He didn't feel worthy of hugging her. He felt filthy, so filthy he could almost see the dirt on his skin. He didn't even know if it was rape. He had cum almost every time and he hated himself for it. That meant that he had enjoyed it even if he didn't realize it. Screw whatever Donna said, she was just trying to make him feel better but he knew what he was. He was a whore; a slave; he was Messenger only he never really did it and he didn't cry out in the pure euphoria of orgasm as Messenger so often did. The apprentice was becoming the master and he hated himself for it.

"Amanda." Said David Sr. quietly as he noticed his son's uncomfortable demeanor. He knew that he didn't like to be touched and he respected that. His wife on the other hand seemed to think he welcomed the physical affection like any other person would welcome a hug from his mother. She sometimes forgot that he wasn't a normal person and he associated most physical contact with people bigger than him or in power as punishment. She let go of him looking unhappy and he noticed this and he gave her a weak smile showing his metal eye tooth. He looked at them awkwardly as they looked at him getting the feeling that there was something that they weren't being told but then again they often got that feeling around all of their children. He looked at them then at the door with the Polaroid picture of him and Alice on it. They took that as their cue to leave and Amanda reluctantly left first muttering something under her breath.. Before David Sr. left he had an interesting but completely valid thought that actually scared him a tiny bit. His son and the O'Dell girl were very close, he could tell by the way they played and watched TV and talked together and also by the little looks they gave each other when they thought that the other person wasn't looking and the little blushes that would creep onto their cheeks as they came into physical contact. She practically used their house as a second home to be completely honest. Hell, Amanda even said that she thought that she saw them kissing during the first week he had been back home. He remembered something that seemed innocent to him at first but the more he thought about it the more it took on another meaning to him. He had seen the two of them come out of the front closet together a few times. He knew that his son liked closets and cupboards and the space under tables and basically small spaces in general. He assumed that she did too but then again a fifteen year old boy in a closet alone with a fourteen year old girl for long periods of time. He gave his son a long look as he decided if he should ask this particular question. He had already asked if his son had ever been raped so as they said 'in for a penny in for a pound'. Roach looked at his father for a long time and cocked an eyebrow as if to say 'what?' David Sr. cleared his throat and looked at his son awkwardly. Roach hoped that he didn't have a follow up question or asked if that had ever happened to him during his time under the stairs. He would have to lie then or face a father who was ashamed of him.

"Have you and that girl…Allison? Alice? It's Alice right?" asked David Sr. Roach nodded 'yes' slowly not quite sure what his father was getting at.

"OK have you and Alice…uh…well do you know how old your mother was when we got married and Donna was born?" asked David Sr. nervously. He hoped that he had dodged a bullet with his oldest son who seemed to know a lot about those types of things with the way he'd check out women and even occasionally flirt with them. Roach's eyes widened as he held up ten fingers then six as he pointed at his father and then he repeated that only for his mother he held up five fingers. He swallowed when he realized what his father was getting at.

"Are you a virgin?" asked David Sr. jumping headfirst into the snake pit. Roach's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. His shoulders rolled forward and he blinked a few times. He father could NOT be asking him extremely personal questions like that. He nodded 'yes' still shocked that any one, let alone his own father, would ask him something like that. David Sr. wanted to leave when he noticed the shock that came across his son's expressive face. He was both happy and sad that his son was still a virgin. He was happy because he knew that he wouldn't have Ronald O'Dell knocking on his door at two in the morning harping about child support like Amanda's father had but he was sad because he was his son, not his daughter so he wanted him to get some. It was the double standard and he wasn't about to go knocking it since he got the long end of the stick on that one.

"Good. Well, not exactly good but well…Just don't knock that Alice girl or any other chick up. Don't end up like me workin' for your father and then coming home to a stressed out wife and a house full of little-" started David Sr. as he began to monologue but stopped as he saw his son's confused expression.

"Well…uh…just don't knock her up. Remember that." Said David Sr. awkwardly as he bit his lower lip and then left. Roach was grateful that his parents left but he was confused and tired and he felt like throwing up from the stress of it all. That was part of the reason he was still so skinny; he threw up whenever it go to be too much for him or whenever he had a particularly bad waking nightmare. He wondered if it was that obvious that he felt for Alice like that. He hoped that it wasn't, he didn't want anyone to know. It was bad enough Dot and Donna and now his father knew but he didn't want Alice to ever know unless he confessed it to her. The events of the day were taking their toll on him and the day had just begun. He took his blanket off of his bed and took it under his bed with him. He decided to sleep under his bed for a bit to see if him being a bit more awake would help him make sense of everything going on. He hoped that Alice could find him if she came over and he really hoped she crawled into the makeshift bed he made and rested her head into his chest as she drifted off to sleep as well. He loved waking up to find her curled up in him and he even swore that he could hear her say his name in her sleep. He felt his eyes grow heavy with sleep and he closed them hoping for a good dream or no dream at all. He didn't get what he wished for.

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'_Cohrwoach, wayke up!(Cockroach wake up!)' said Stairmaster as he nudged him awake with his foot. Fourteen year old Roach woke up with a start as his new friend kicked him in the side. Stairmaster had also had his tongue cut out for speaking evil but not as much of it was taken out as was with Roach but there was still some of his tongue missing so Roach had a bit of trouble understanding him seeing as how he had only lost his tongue a few days prior._

'_Yeah Sarmassuh?(Yeah Stairmaster?)" asked Roach as he leaned against the door marked 'embalming'. He was very weak from not eating but he refused to eat what was thrown to him by Daddy. He was never going to eat another human being even if it meant him starving to death. When he told Stairmaster that he only laughed and said that Roach would re think his position on that when he was an inch away from death and could feel the grim reaper's cold hand on his shoulder dragging him into the abyss but Roach didn't believe him. Roach was still civilized and sane and he was going to stay civilized and sane for Alice's sake but he first had to find a way out of the cellar to keep her safe. Maybe he could even rescue her like the knight from their story book and they'd live happily ever after. He shook his head at that thought, foolish fairytales. He was probably getting delirious from the hunger._

"_Om gohahuh may yoo feel gud.(I'm gonna make you feel good.)" said Stairmaster getting close to him and running a hand up his inner thigh to the most sacred, untouched part of his virgin body. Roach looked at him startled with wide eyes filled with confusion and fear; his new friend had never done anything like that to him before and no one had ever touched him there before. It was making him feel uncomfortable, not good at all. He attempted to move Stairmaster's hand from the most sacred part of his body but Stairmaster who had been starved for it since his wife died and Bites wouldn't let anyone use any of his slaves. He could have had someone else but they would want something in return so he used his new friend who he had only befriended out of pity for the skinny boy with hit tongue cut out and the foolish dreams of things like escape. Lately though he was beginning to see him in a new light. It was something about how even in their captivity he still retained some of his innocence. Stairmaster was gladly going to remedy that though, he knew deep down that it was mutually wanted on both sides. He needed to tell himself that to make it OK in his mind to do those things to him because he didn't like to force himself on other people, that was why he took a wife._

"_Sop, pleez!(Stop please!)" said Roach as he tried to move away in a panic but found himself stranded __in a corner. Stairmaster's hand had slipped under the waist band of his pants and was working its way into the newly formed tuft of hair. This panicked Roach who had never even done that to himself let alone let another person do that. He felt funny and not in a good way. This felt very wrong and disgusting and humiliating to him even though he had seen things like this happen many times to a person he thought was named Messenger and Messenger seemed to enjoy it very much. It felt very wrong to Roach, like it wasn't supposed to happen, especially with another boy._

"_Shh, cawm down.(Shh, calm down.)" said Stairmaster as his hand increased it's pace and he began to kiss and suck at Roach's neck and collar bone. Roach was beginning to cry as he began to feel like he did that time he saw Alice undress. He felt it getting bigger just like the time when he watched Alice strip off the good girl dress she was forced to wear. He began to beg and plead with Stairmaster but he took those as pleas to keep going and to go quicker and faster. He didn't realize what he was doing was bothering and violating Roach as Roach began to sob heavy sobs. Stairmaster took that as a sign that his peak was near and decided to give him something to imitate later as he did a terrible thing with his tongue stump and the most sacred, virgin part of Roach's body._

"_Yowll like this. (You'll like this.)" said Stairmaster as his head moved lower and lower planting a trail of kisses along his chest and abdomen. Roach gasped and jumped back away from him. It was something about his naked, shaking form that made Stairmaster want him even more. By now a group of people had come over to see what was going on with the new boy that was being called Cockroach. They hadn't really seen or heard much of him and were curious about him. They were even more curious as He sat there naked and shaking on the hay covered floor. Messenger was the first to come up as he draped his tattered red blanket over him. It was then that Roach gasped again as he saw that under that blanket Messenger was completely naked except for some bone adorning him and a few badly done tattoos. Stairmaster came up and spread the blanket out on the floor. He made Roach lay down and he resumed what he was doing. Roach couldn't stifle the first gasp that was born not out of pain or humiliation or even shock but born of a sick pleasure that both confused and horrified him. He knew that he shouldn't have been enjoying it but his body wasn't listening to the reason and logic in his mind. Roach began to cry as Stairmaster used him in the most disgusting ways and Roach hated himself for making him reach his peak but not as much for he himself reaching his peak for the first time in his entire almost fifteen years of life. To make it all the worse Stairmaster even thanked him and told him that he was a good toy for a virgin. The worst part of the entire ordeal was that Stairmaster was thinking not just of his own pleasure but of his unwilling partner's. Roach thought that it would have been better if he just used him like people used Messenger, that way maybe he wouldn't have cum like he did. Roach threw up after that so many times there was absolutely nothing left in his stomach, not even bile. On that day Roach learned a very valuable lesson; trust no one._

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Roach woke up with a start and bumped his head on the underside of his bed. He cursed as he rolled out of bed and ran to the bathroom as fats as he could so he wouldn't get himself dirty with throw up. He threw up in the toilet bowl as the dream replayed over and over in his mind like a stuck record. He felt so filthy he just wanted to rip his skin from his bones, his flesh, his very soul. He wanted to take a bat to his head to stop the memory dream from replaying. He went over to the sink and washed his mouth out with hot water to not just get the taste of vomit out but also to punish his tongue stump for what he had to do with it on that day; the day his innocence died. He looked up into newly fixed mirror and wanted to shove him entire arm though it but thought against it because then his father would have to replace the glass again. He curled up in a corner by the laundry hamper and cried silent, shaking sobs. The demons of the past would never stop torturing him until he died and then the demons of hell would begin their eternal torture. He sat in a little ball and put his head in his knees. He looked around after there were no more silent tears to shed and found a black Crayola marker on the floor under the sink. He picked it up and wrote 'whore' in big black letters across his arms and legs. He wrote at first but then just began to scribble.

'**You're a whore Cockroach! That's all you are and that's all you'll ever be! You're just like Messenger! No, you're worse! At least Messenger admits he likes it and admits he's a whore, a toy but you pretend you don't like it and aren't a little whore toy! Now everyone is gonna know that you're a little whore boy! A sex toy! Everyone will see and everyone will know! They'll all know that truth about you and they'll hate you!' **thought Roach as he wrote horrible words that he believed to be true over and scribble and sobbed silently so no one would know that he was sobbing like a little child, a baby. He didn't want their pity, he didn't deserve it. He was just a whore! A toy! Something to be used and just thrown away! No wonder Alice stopped coming over, she deserved better than him, everyone deserved better than him. He stopped when his arms were completely black and he was out of breath and out of tears.

'**Uh-oh, this isn't good. What's mother going to say? Father? How the hell am I supposed to explain this! Shit, damn, crap, son of a bitch! OK, I'll just scrub it off like Mommy used to scrub the blood off of me when I ruined my suit. Besides, I deserve any punishment that they give me because I'm worthless. I'm just a worthless slave whore of a boy. I'm not worthy to be called their son and brother! I'm not even worthy to be called a person!' **Thought Roach as he stripped down quickly and got into the hot, steamy shower. He turned only the hot on and grabbed the hypo allergenic soap bar. He began to scrub furiously but it wasn't working as well as he wanted it to even though it was working to get the washable marker off. He wanted it to take his skin off and the filth that covered it as well. He rubbed the soap harder and hard as the marker came off but the dirt didn't.

**'It's not coming off! The dirt's not coming off! I'm filthy! That's all I am, just a filthy whore! That's why the dirt's not coming off you whore! You let him touch you like that! You liked him touching you between your legs like that! You liked what he did with his tongue stump!' **Thought Roach as he rubbed himself raw in everyplace with the soap and he wasn't getting any results so he used a scrub brush that was meant to be used as a back scrubber. He rubbed himself until he was bleeding a little but the dirt still stayed on him. He stayed under the water scrubbing himself until it went from scalding to too hot to hot to mild to luke warm to cold to ice cold and his teeth began to chatter. He got out of the water and towel off grimacing as the towel irritated the raw and bloody parts of his skin. When he looked at the blood on his arm he saw not just his own blood but the blood of every person he had ever seen die, himself included. He saw the blood of burglars he tried to scare out of the house, people under the stairs that had died in front of him from sickness or just not being able to carry on anymore, he saw the blood of Bites as the bullets pierced his skin and he saw his blood, David's blood. David was dead. David died when the innocence died and when the innocence died Roach was born.

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"Now let's get the crazy with the whipped cream!" said Ronald as he and Alice sprayed some whipped cream into the bowl full of ice cream and ice cream toppings. They had almost completely destroyed the kitchen and now they were having ice cream for breakfast all because Alice said she liked ice cream. Ronald was going to do anything to make his daughter happy even if it meant serving ice cream for breakfast and candy for lunch which she also said she liked.

"And chocolate!" said Alice who was both happy and worried at the exact same time and it was making her feel a bit sick or maybe it was just the mixture of ice cream and junk food churning in her stomach. Alice was very worried about what her mother would do when she saw the state that the kitchen was in but she was slightly reassured when her father told her that it would be alright. Alice was still worried that it might have just been one big trick and that there'd be a punishment coming to her later but this was going on much longer than any trick that had ever been played on her before. Either this was one big elaborate trick or her father really did care about her. She hoped that he really cared about her, she wanted him to. He seemed to actually care and it hadn't felt like a trick but that confused Alice. All her life she had been living in fear of the people who called themselves her parents and now she was with these people, her real parents, and they had told her that they loved her and given her more things than she had ever owned before. She felt guilty though, she was a very bad girl and bad girls didn't deserve parents who loved her and toys and good food like ice cream. She was bad for thinking of escaping into the world even though she liked it out there, she was bad for looking more and more like a woman and less and less like a little girl everyday, she was bad for falling in love with her best friend and her second best friend at the same time and kissing them both, and she was especially bad for getting pregnant with either one of their children. She hoped that she wasn't pregnant with Roach or Fool's child but if she was she didn't know how to tell her parents. She had a feeling that good little girls didn't get pregnant and that they didn't kiss boys or fall in love or feel funny when they thought about boys. She added some whipped cream and took a finger full of it into her mouth to test the waters. Her father did the exact same thing and it both reassured and perplexed her.

"Do we know how to live or what?!" laughed Ronald who had taken the whole day off of work again to do some more bonding with his long lost daughter. That was how their pockets had gotten so deep, when she disappeared he and Mary-Ann became work-a-holics and neglected Debbie and not given her any rules or boundaries. He was determined not to make that same mistake again. The over working one, not the rules and boundaries one. She had too many rules as it was and he wasn't going to instill any more into her.

"We do!" said Alice happily as she took a spoonful. She never imagined that she could have this much fun with a father, all her life she had thought that fathers were scary people that hurt her and demanded complete obedience. She was happier than she had ever been but she suspected that it may have had something to do with the sugar. She and Roach had gotten hyper once after eating an entire econo sized tub of gummy bears and drinking an entire bottle of chocolate sauce. She was having the same light headed feeling as before when she and Roach ate all of that junk food and she was laughing a lot like before.

"My kitchen!" shouted Mary-Ann as she lead a short haired Debbie into the house. She was red in the face as she stuttered out a few words. She thought that she was going to have several heart attacks at once as she looked at the food that coated the table and the silverware on the floor. Alice froze and looked at her terrified. She looked on the verge of a panic attack and Mary-Ann instantly softened her gaze. She glared at Ronald who was holding a spoon mid way to his mouth.

"I-I'm sorry m-mother." said Alice quietly as she braced herself for the pain that she was sure to come. She should have known that it was just one big trick. She forgot one of basic principals she learned while in the house; adults weren't to be trusted, even her real parents. That made her wonder if Debbie was OK trust, she said that she was practically an adult. Was 'practically an adult' as bad as being an adult?

"You? What are you sorry about? If anything I'm mad at him!" said Mary-Ann fuming. Alice took it as her cue to leave, things were just getting too strange for her. First her father let her go crazy and then her mother was angry at him. Well, Mommy sometimes got mad at Daddy but that was always beaten out of her. Oh God! Was her real father going beat her real mother?! She hoped that it wasn't going to happen, she always hated it when Daddy beat Mommy but not as much as she hated Daddy for doing that to her. Alice was starting to miss Mommy and Daddy because for almost her entire life they were her parents. It wasn't like she didn't love her real parents because she did very much but she missed the people she once called her parents. They were cruel and held a twisted form of love for her but there was still the occasional kind word or praise for being particularly good. She left quickly to her room, she always hated watching Daddy beat Mommy and she was sure that seeing her real parents fight would be seeing evil. She was almost certain that people didn't go cutting out other people's bad parts but she knew from personal experience that people were completely and totally unpredictable. She knew that she deserved to get her eyes, ears, and tongue cut out though because she was always seeing, hearing, and even occasionally speaking evil. She sat under her bed as she heard some arguing about her. Her father was trying to convince her mother to go along with what he was doing as far as raising her and she was resisting and still quite angry about the damage done to her kitchen. He agreed to clean it up if she went along with his idea. She reluctantly gave in and said that she had to get to back work and that Debbie wasn't allowed to leave the house for the day because she ruined the ice hair that she passed down to her. Alice was relieved that there wasn't any beating but she still stayed in her room shaking with fear. She stayed in the corner by her dollhouse for an hour before Debbie came in.

"Hey Allie, you got a hat I can borrow? I like, totally need a hat or I'm like, so gonna bag my head!" asked Debbie as she came in. Her hair was so short it barely went down past her ears and that made Alice laugh. Alice didn't want to laugh at her sister who had been so mice to her and had told her so much about the outside world but there was something that Alice found side-splittingly hilarious about a woman with hair as short as a man's should be. Debbie glared and that instantly shut her up. Alice didn't want to make her real sister mad, she loved her and looked up to her as a little sister should. She wanted to be as calm and happy as Debbie usually was. She wished that she could be like Debbie; think nothing of complaining and mouthing off, walk freely around the outside with out even the slightest amount of fear, and she so desperately wished that she could walk around in the world's shortest skirts and tightest tops with out a care as to if she looked like a good little girl or if her under clothes were showing. She didn't particularly like those kinds of clothes but she wished that she could be comfortable wearing them.

"Over there in the closet." said Alice quietly looking at the floor. She felt bad about making her parents argue and putting her mother in danger like that. Debbie went to her closet started throwing hats and clothes out muttering about Alice's lack of style. Alice took a bit of offense to that, she didn't see anything wrong with what she wore, what could be wrong with dresses and skirts? Debbie took the brush off of Alice's vanity mirror without asking and began to try and brush her hair so it looked longer. Alice handed her a ribbon to try and be helpful, she had seen a woman with short hair with a bow wrapped around her hair on one her treks into the outside world with her parents or Roach and when she saw the woman like that it took most of her will power not to stare, she had learned that people on the outside didn't like to be stared at. Debbie seemed to get the message and tied it around her head while letting some of her hair fall free. around it

"Good enough, right? Oh, who the hell am I kidding I'm such a bow head! I'm not prep, I'm a valley girl. Well, either that or a punk." asked Debbie as Alice nodded yes. She thought her sister was the most beautiful girl in the world and hoped to grow up to look like her. Either Debbie or her mother who had looked like Debbie when she was younger in the pictures she had seen of the days before she was born. She looked a bit like her mother only her hair was different and she wore less make up than her mother and sister. She only wore lipstick and some times put some apple in her cheeks as Mommy had done for her to make her look more like a little doll.

"Man you're quiet, quieter than normal. What's the 411?" said Debbie as she borrowed some of Alice's red lipstick once again not asking. Alice didn't mind though, she liked to share her things with her sister because sometimes when she shared her things Debbie gave her some more of her old things like dolls and books and sometimes even clothes.

"I'll take louder if you want me too, Debbie." said Alice always ready to please like a good girl should in her mind. She stifled a laugh, she found slang both fascinating and funny but wasn't all too comfortable using it herself. It made as much sense to her as video games.

"You should really amp your voice up more, no ones gonna punish you for talking without someone talking to you first you know." said Debbie who wanted to her little sister to be happy, to not have to worry about everything, to be more like her. She hated that those people crushed her sister's spirit, confidence, personality, everything that might have been. Some of the details of Alice's imprisonment were told to her by Alice herself in a moment of bonding between the two of them and it horrified her. It was like something out of a really bizarre horror movie with the people having body parts cut off and locked in the massive cellar and the people between the walls but what really horrified her was the abuse that her sister had to go through. She wanted her to know that life could be fun and amazing and that there was nothing wrong with breaking the rules and walking on the wild side once in a while. She and her sister completely contrasted each other; the little virgin girl who played with dolls and the wild woman who lived life for the day and for the fun.

"I know." said Alice a little less quietly as Debbie began to put some make up on her heavily fixed her hair up. Alice loved it when her sister played dress up with her, it made her feel pretty. She liked to feel pretty with the make up and the clothes on her and her hair styled up in a perm like Debbie's. She always changed and took off the make up and fixed her hair back to it's usual style and maybe a bow if she was in the mood so she could like a good little girl and please her parents like a good girl should.

"You know something? You have great hair, OK legs and boobs, and a pretty good ass for a fourteen year old. Well you would if you didn't hide it under those little kid dresses and skirts." said Debbie as she handed her a low cut tight white top and a short yellow skirt. Alice put them on and covered her chest with her arms when she realized that her pink bra could be seen clearly through her tight top. She didn't know how Debbie could wear things like that, it was tight and exposing but it also made her feel kind of pretty.

"Sexy, naughty, bitchy but you're not a bimbette. There's like, a world of difference." said Debbie as she turned Alice to the full length mirror. Alice walk over to her reflexion slowly not quite believing that the girl in the mirror was indeed her. The girl in the mirror looked completely grown up and beautiful, nothing like the child like little girl Alice usually was.

"Bimbette?" asked Alice quietly as she turned towards her sister. Sometimes she couldn't understand a word Debbie said; it was like she was speaking a different langue only it was the same words with different meanings.

"You know, like a bimbo 'cept that like a really old word so now we say bimbette." said Debbie as she brushed Alice's hair into something resembling a perm. Alice didn't know what a bimbo was but Donna had called Debbie that and Donna didn't really like Debbie that much so Alice thought that it might have been speaking evil. Debbie put the last bit of hairspray in her hair and brought her over to the mirror.

"I'm pretty." said Alice quietly as she smoothed out the creases of her skirt. She looked almost like one of the girls in Roach's magazines he kept under his bed and didn't know that she looked at when she was curious about his room and he was fast asleep. She had a strange thought; what would Roach do if he saw her like that? He looked at girls dressed the way she was so did that mean that he'd look at her the same way? Part of her wanted him to, the same part that wanted him to kiss her deeply and unzip her dress like in her dreams and day dreams. Another part of her told her to change her clothes and sew her dolls like a good girl should have. It was the same part that woke her up from her fantasies just as the strange feeling began to happen again. She almost liked that strange feeling, it felt oddly good but it didn't go away for quite a bit of time after it started. That was annoying.

"No, you're sexy, bodacious even. Becha never thought that meek, shy little you could be ever sexy." said Debbie as showed her how to pose. She thought that she was being a good older sister by making her younger sister feel and look good. this was a bit of bonding for them, one of the few they could share because they were such different people. She felt a twinge of guilt in the pit of her stomach as she remembered the trick she played on her. It may have been funny but it was also quite mean when she thought about it.

"I didn't." said Alice as she smiled, she never imagined that she could look like that. She and Debbie looked almost like mirror images of each other with their brown hair and skimpy outfits.

"Do you think that you're pregnant?" asked Debbie who hoped that her little sister would have come to her senses by then and realized that you couldn't get pregnant from a kiss. Alice looked up at her sister a bit afraid. Most of the signs Debbie had told her about were there, she had ate weird foods, her mid section was getting bigger as was her chest and her emotions had been a bit out of whack. She nodded and looked down wanting to disappear into the floorboards and not face her perceived reality of her pregnancy. She was afraid to have a baby and she was even more afraid to find out who her baby's father was. She didn't want to betray either of them even though she had already betrayed them both with the wonderful and yet dishonest kisses shared between them.

"Listen Allie-" started Debbie wanting to come clean about the whole cruel joke but she was interrupted when their father came in a haphazardly put on suit. He didn't notice what either of them were wearing and if he did he would have made them change even with his new found sense of irresponsibility.

"Debbie, your mother says you can't leave the house so could you please watch Alice for me? There's some important work at the company that only I can do but if I could stay I and don't forget she has to spend at least two hours outside doing something physically active today." Said Ronald as he left quickly not noticing his daughter's clothes or hairstyle or the excessive amount of make up she was wearing. Debbie didn't bring up the pregnancy again as they sat on her bed and talked. Well Debbie did most of the talking and Alice just listened intently as Debbie complained about her friends and how she was going to go crazy staying couped up in the hot, stuffy house all day. It might have been much more bearable if the central air hadn't broken down but what could possibly be done. They talked for about another half hour before Debbie got an idea. Since Alice needed a doctor prescribed two hours of outdoor physical exercise and she had places to be she could drop Alice off at the park and got about her business for two hours give or take.

"Hey Allie, you wanna go to the park?" asked Debbie out of nowhere as Alice was talking about how she added more chocolate to the chocolate brownies that came with her easy bake oven. Alice blinked for a moment, she wasn't used to being interrupted since she only made long conversation with Roach and he listened intently.

"Alright." said Alice quietly as she buckled her shoes she had found under he bed and put her sun hat and glasses on because she still wasn't completely used to direct sunlight not filtered by a window, it made her skin burn easily and she didn't see so well. She had become so used to wearing the clothes Debbie had put her in that she didn't even think to change. They made pleasant conversation as they took Debbie's car to the park. Alice liked Debbie's car, it was painted pink and roomy inside. She was a bit nauseous though, she wasn't all that used to the bumps and sudden starts and stops that came with riding in the car. Debbie thought that she maybe should have changed her sister out of what she was wearing but the skirt was a bit north of the knee but not scandalously short and even though the top was tight she didn't really have much of a chest to speak of. She dropped her off and went to go meet her friends, she had a life to live and it didn't involve her little sister who she was sure would bring her down a peg or two on the social grapevine. Alice went about her playing on the equipment not noticing the stares and leers she was getting. She only stopped when her hat blew into the more woodsy part of the park She chased her hat until she ran into Fool and her hat got stuck in the same tree as Fool's younger sister Tanya was stuck in.

"Fool!" said Alice happily as she embraced him not noticing the blush that crept across his face as his chest got pushed against her and he noticed what she was wearing. He had never seen that much of Alice at once and he liked it. He never realized how long her legs were or how small her chest was or how round and firm her butt was. He resisted the urge to leer as she jumped up and down to try and get her hat out of the tree, she didn't realize how her chest bounced or how her skirt flew up when she jumped.

"H-hey Alice, I-I like your new look." said Fool as he looked everywhere but at her. He thought about girls sometimes but he didn't think that it was right to think about this particular girl. Besides, she was Roach's girl right? He knew that it was wrong to check out a friend's girl and he also feared what Roach would do to him when or if he found out about Fool checking her out . He was a bit afraid of Roach, that guys building wasn't exactly up to code and neither was Alice's when he gave it more thought.

"Thank you Fool, Debbie picked it out for me." said Alice giving up on her hat as she sat on the ground sulking

"You're welcome, what you doin' here?" asked Fool momentarily forgetting about Tanya. Tanya took that as an opportunity to get out of the tree she was faking being stuck in so she didn't have to go home. As she climbed out of the tree the hat got loosened from it's place in the tree.

"Real father said that I have to have two hours of physical exercise a day or every two days and that's why Debbie sent me here to play. Look, she even gave me this key so I could get into the house in case she forgot about 's strange but good because she said that I can come and go as I please, I've never been able to do that before. Can you come and go as you please? How come you're here? Have you seen Roach at all lately? What's the 411? If you have then how is he? I haven't seen him in a few days for reasons I don't really wanna go into." said Alice as she sat under the tree and rambled as she sometimes did. She was getting the same nervous, walking on air, butterflies in her stomach feeling that she got around Roach.

"I can sorta come and go and I'm here with my little sister Tanya. You met her remember. You met her that time you and Roach came to my house and he flirted with Ruby." said Fool as he sat down next to her

"Oh yeah, I like your house." said Alice a bit more slowly as she got a bit closer to Fool without realizing it

"It's called an apartment." said Fool getting a bit closer to her. He didn't know what came over him. Maybe it was the way she was dressed or possibly the close proximity she was to him or maybe it was just the hormones of adolescence

"Sorry, I don't know a lot of words for things on the outside." said Alice as her fingers laced with Fools and she blushed. She didn't know why she was doing this, she sometimes did things like that with Roach but they usually broke apart they could act on the thoughts running through their minds. Alice didn't want to break apart though and it frightened her a bit.

"That's OK Alice. I can get why you don't know a lot of words and stuff like that." said Fool as he moved into kiss her. He was a bit afraid of what Roach would do to him if he found out but then again who said that Roach was gonna find out?

"Fool?" asked Alice as she pulled in closer to Fool. They were so close they could feel each other's breath on their faces

"Alice." said Fool ans he closed the gap between them. Kissing Fool was almost as wonderful as kissing Roach. Alice returned his kiss in her fumbly, inexperienced way. They kissed for about a minute when Fool did something completely unexpected, he licked her teeth to beg for entrance into her mouth. She was so shocked that she let him put his tongue in her inexperienced mouth, it was like when Roach kissed her only this time it was Fool and his tongue was caressing hers. She mimicked the movements of his tongue and gasped when his hand made it's way under her shirt. Fool had done things like this with girls since he was twelve but there was something different about Alice. Maybe it was her level of experience or just her naive personality but it just felt different with her, there was no other way to explain it. This was scary for Alice and it even felt like she was betraying Roach as her hands went all over Fool and Fool's hands went under her shirt into her bra. He began to kiss and suck at her neck as he began to pull her shirt up with his right hand and his left hand began to creep up her leg to her skirt.

"Fool, I-I think I hear Debbie calling me home! I-I-I've gotta go!" said a disheveled Alice as she walked so briskly she was almost running. A few people looked at her with her clothes and hair messed up and her make up smeared across her face. What was that? That wasn't just a simple kiss, that was something more. It felt amazing and scary at the same time. She loved it when Fool touched her in places she only rarely touched herself and she couldn't understand why. She wanted him to do it again though and it scared her. She was confused as to why she would like being kissed and touched, it didn't really seem like something a good girl would like. It took her a bit of time to get home but when she did she ran up to her room and just sat on her bed thinking about the things that had transpired earlier. Would Roach want to do that to her too? That thought both excited and terrified her. She remembered the dream she had had last night where they were in her room and he kissed her deeper and deeper and unzipped her dress. Then he undressed and she touched him and they laid on her bed she woke up after that it took her a while to fall back asleep. What she and Fool had done earlier in the park was a bit like her dream only it was him and not Roach and it was in the park and not her room covered in rose petals and lit with a hundred red and pink candles. She sighed as she remembered her dream. The feeling was back but she almost didn't want it to go away. She laid back and closed her eyes as her hand went towards her skirt. What happened next would be the most confusing moment of her life but also the most amazing. She didn't know who she pretended it was, Roach or Fool. Maybe it was both of them. Maybe neither of them. Maybe she shouldn't have been doing that at all, it didn't seem like something a good girl would do. It was in that embarrassing predicament that Debbie found her.

"Hey you really should-Oh God I'm sorry!" said Debbie who had com in to her sister's room to see if she was there and to tell her to never scare her like that again. She was mad as all else because she looked through the entire park for her and was finally told by one of ehr friends that she had gone home. Those were the most terrifying ten minutes of her entire seventeen years of life but she was grateful that she wouldn't have to give her parents the 'she wasn't here for that long so we really didn't have that long to get really attached to her' excuse she had come up with when she had given up looking but before Fool where Alice went to. Any anger that Debbie previously held for her little sister was replaced by a burning embarrassment by having caught her sister in the act. Well, she had caught her sister in what looked like her in the beginning of the act but this was something else entirely, some much more intimate and therefore much more embarrassing, for both of them.

"Debbie! For the love of God knock on the door!" yelled Alice as she threw the blanket over herself and feared that she's pass out from the amount of blood rushing to her face. This was by far the most humiliating moment of her entire fourteen years of life. She just wanted to disappear into the blanket and never be seen again. It was times like these that she wished that the wall cavities in her real home were big enough to hide in.

"Barf me out! I'm like sorry freakin' sorry! I so didn't see anything! OK I'm lying through my perfectly white teeth, perfectly straight teeth! I like, saw everything! Oh my God! I'm sorry I walked in on you...um...enjoying yourself." said Debbie awkwardly as she stood in the pink doorway looking at the scraps of fabric on the floor like they were absolutely the most interesting things in the entire world. This was by far the most awkward moment of both of their lives. They both wanted to crawl into a deep, dark hole and curl up in a little ball and die of embarrassment.

"Please go!" said Alice who wanted to be alone very badly but also knew to be polite, it was in her nature to put being good and polite first and then think about herself second. She felt like she was going to die of embarrassment but she also feared punishment. She had done something like that once before when she was a very young child and Mommy had stuck her hands in the gas stove for her 'crime'. Alice wondered if the same thing would happen to her at her new home, her real home. She strongly suspected that it wouldn't though but then again she knew from experience that adults were unpredictable in their ways.

"You don't have to tell me twice! I'm outta here!" said Debbie as she a mad dash for the living room quicker than you could say 'eye full of yowza'. She turned on the TV hoping to forget what she saw even if it was just for the length of the show. Alice sat on her bed mortified that Debbie had seen her doing that. She was mortified at herself for doing that. She was angry, embarrassed, and scared at the same time. She knew one thing though, her real parents couldn't ever know about what she had been doing. She got up and decided to ask Debbie very nicely, the nicest asking she had ever done, not to tell a single soul about what she had seen. She slowly went down the stairs not fixing her hair, make up, or even changing her clothes. She saw her sister lounging on the couch watching 'Twin Peaks'. Alice looked at the pale blue stained carpet while clearing her throat in a effort to get Debbie's attention.

"Allie...uh... what's up?" asked Debbie awkwardly as she fiddled with the remote. This was why she was never having children, to avoid embarrassing conversations like the one she got the idea that she and her sister were going to have. It was times like this that made her wish she was an only child again. Alice looked at the ground as she walked over to her sister. She was tomato red as she mumbled something incoherent.

"Sorry but I didn't catch that." said Debbie as she continued to fiddle with the remote in her hand. The tension was to thick in the room that she could almost see it. They both wanted to be anywhere but there and they wanted to be as far away from each other as the house would permit but Alice needed to make sure that Debbie wouldn't tell her parents anything about what she had seen.

"Please don't tell real mother and father about what I was doing, I'm begging you Debbie. It was a very bad thing to do and I don't want them to know." begged Alice quietly. Debbie cocked an eyebrow in both curiosity and confusion. True Debbie wouldn't want her parents to know if the roles were reversed but what could be bad about it? They had both obviously had two very different talks.

"Like duh! I'm so totally not gonna tell them anything. What kind of person do you think I am?" asked Debbie as some of the awkwardness began to leave them as they relaxed.

"A very nice one!" said Alice visibly happier. She felt like giving her sister the biggest hug she could, the hugs she usually reserved for Roach when he was feeling down. She was so grateful to God for him giving her a sister as good as Debbie. She knew that she's have to make it up to Debbie for keeping her secret. Maybe she could make her a doll? Maybe not since Debbie didn't seem to like dolls very much. Well, she'd think of something.

"Thanks Allie, you're a pretty bitchin' sister yourself. Listen, what you were doin' wasn't bad but the world doesn't need to know about it. Be discreet, OK. You don't wanna know how loud you were bein'. I know who Roach is but Fool's that black dude you hang out with, right?" said Debbie as Alice reluctantly nodded 'yes'.

"My guess is that one of them messed up you're hair and clothes, it doesn't really look like you did that yourself and some people said that they saw you lookin' all messed up like that tryin' to get home pretty quick." said Debbie as Alice looked really uncomfortable. She contemplate lying or leaving and but knew that it would be rude and lying was a sin.

"I don't wanna talk about it." said Alice quietly. It was true, she didn't want anybody to know about how she was in love with two boys at once.

"C'mon Allie, I won't tell a soul." said Debbie who was quite curious about what exactly her sister was doing in the park when she was alone.

"Cross your heart?" asked Alice as she used the expression she and Roach used when they told each other secrets. They never told each other 'hope to die' because neither of them would ever hope for death or at least admit it

"Cross my heart so spill already! Is there a naughty girl underneath that good little doll?" asked Debbie as she motioned for Alice to sit on the couch next to her. Alice reluctantly did so and looked embarrassed as she muttered something incoherent

"Sorry, you're gonna have to talk a little louder."

"Fool kissed me and touched me." said Alice a little bit louder but still softly. She felt embarrassed and uncomfortable admitting to letting Fool kiss and touch her like that . She felt like a bad girl when she said that but Debbie was looking at her like it was something to be proud of. That confused Alice but then again a lot of things that Debbie said and did confused her.

"Why miss Alice, I didn't know you liked dark meat but then again your taste in guys is a bit questionable." said Debbie who never pegged her little sister as the kind of girl who made out in parks. It was true what they said, looks could in fact be very deceiving

"What?" asked Alice not quite understanding what her sister meant by 'dark meat' and what could possibly be wrong with her taste in guys

"Never mind. Anyway, the park really isn't the best place for that sorta thing, even the woodsy part. I'm not gonna tell mom and dad about what you did in the park or how I caught you...uh...well how I caught you if you don't tell them about me leaving you alone and leaving the house. Deal?" said Debbie as she held out her hand

"Deal." said Alice in agreement as she shook Debbie's hand sealing the deal

"Good, now let's never speak of this again." said Debbie as she turned the TV back on

"Excuse me." said Alice as she got up off the couch and made her way to her room

"Where the hell are you goin'?"

"To change and get cleaned up." said Alice as she got to her room while still mulling over the day's events

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"How are you today, Messenger?" asked Dr. Gunner other wise known as Roberta. She wasn't making all that much progress with Messenger but he was learning some of the social rules, he stopped going where he stood and he stopped touching himself as often in front of other people.

"Messenger happy today." said Messenger as he fidgeted from the pain that was caused by the events of the previous night. He cast a slight glance in Gregory's direction and Gregory didn't return it. With what he was doing with Messenger there came extreme risks, especially if his childlike lover ever let it slip as he often let other things slip.

"Why is that?" asked Roberta as she took some notes down quickly

"Can't tell ." said Messenger as he was told to by all of the orderlies and most of the doctors and even his physical therapist. He didn't understand that what he was doing was wrong and that he was being used. He didn't think anything of it because he had been doing things like that his whole life.

"Why ever not?" asked Roberta looking up surprised because Messenger had never kept anything from her. He told her all about her life under the stairs and what they had all done to him so what could be so horrible that he didn't want to tell her? It might have been something trivial though, it was hard to tell with Messenger sometimes.

"It a secret." said Messenger who knew not to tell anyone about the amazing night of sex with over half of the orderlies that had left him sweaty, sticky, bloody, and exhausted but also comforted by what had been happening to him his whole life

"What kind of secret?" asked Eloise as she sat on the end of her chair. She had been forgiven for the most part by him for her cruel if not true words. She had come to see him whenever her busy schedule could permit it which wasn't all to often since she was representing a family called the Cullen's in the case against the Robeson's.

"The kind Messenger can't tell 'bout." said Messenger adamantly. If he told they'd stop coming to him and that was incentive enough to keep his mouth full of metal shut.

"If someone is hurting you or touching you in ways that make you uncomfortable you should tell someone." said Roberta

"No one hurting Messenger, Roberta." said Messenger in a shocked voice. Why would any one hurt him in this wonderful place? He fidgeted a bit in his chair from the slight pain that had arisen from the previous night's events and fell out of the chair, he wasn't used to tables and chairs like everyone else was. Everyone rushed towards him and the meeting was cut short. Apparently the physical therapist had requested an extra session with him. He said that he needed to work on the way Messenger walked with him but Messenger knew very well what he wanted and it had nothing to do with his walk. He bid Roberta and Eloise good bye and allowed himself to be lead to Dr. Redding's room. Dr. Redding was his physical therapist and his idea of therapy was a bit more carnal than most others but that was just how Messenger liked it. Eloise didn't like how Messenger said those things and she had her suspicions. When she was kept in the institution after her escape several of the guards took advantage of what she was taught to do and how she'd do those things with out question and she feared the same thing for Messenger who was ten times worse than she was. She followed them while staying very far behind like she was going to leave but she went right past the exit to the extreme trauma cases ward and to the physical therapy wing of Northwest Mercy institute for the mentally insane. The orderly lead Messenger into the room and for a moment Eloise thought that he was going to turn around but thankfully he continued along his way. She put her ear to the door and just listened wondering if she was just being paranoid.

"Hello Messenger, how are you?" asked Dr. Redding casually. Dr. Redding had done this with many of his patients before but he liked Messenger the best because he never fought back but he didn't just lay there and take it either. He was almost like a lover, a very submissive lover.

"Messenger happy." said Messenger as his hand slip down his pants. He hated clothes, he had only very rarely worn them before his escape and he didn't really like them that much because it made touching himself and being touched much more difficult.

"And I'm happy that you're happy. Have you been working on your walking?"

"Messenger bee trying but it hard."

"I know something else that's hard." said Dr. Redding and Eloise gasped. Surely he couldn't have meant what she thought he meant.

"Messenger help." said Messenger in a suggestive tone. Eloise wanted to call out for security but she was momentarily stricken mute.

"Wait a bit Messenger first I wanna see how you learned to undo buttons and pull down elastic waistbands and zippers are pretty important too." said Dr. Redding. Eloise made a sound not unlike an animal makes when it dies. Messenger smiled and undressed as sensuously as possible when he could barely undress himself. Dr. Redding helped him get undressed and then undressed himself. What happened next wasn't therapy but it was still quite physical. They were interrupted just as they got started with a loud call for security.


	24. Ruff nights and even ruffer days

Disclaimer: insert standard disclaimer here. Hope you guys like this chapter, it took me forever and would anyone like to see another Roach abuse flashback? One for Alice maybe? Please voice your opinions people otherwise I have no way of knowing them.

Roach put on a happy face for his family the whole day. He smiled big and laughed to give no one any indication to the torture he was feeling inside. He still glared at Donna even when she wasn't paying any attention to him, he was beyond furious at her and he also felt very violated and dirty that someone else knew. He wished that he could go back in time and warn himself not to write in his journal so that Donna couldn't find it. Wait, if he didn't write in the journal then Donna wouldn't have read it then he'd have no reason to go back in time but then she would read it but then-this was making his brain hurt and making the migraine he was having worse. He almost hated her for doing that, bringing that extremely personal secret of his up out of the blue like that. Didn't she ever think before she acted? When she noticed his glares she just gave him a long sad look and sighed as she told him that it wasn't his fault that that was done to him and that she was sorry and that it just slipped out. He hated it when she said that, he knew that it was his fault and he hated it when people tried to tell him otherwise. Maybe if he just kept telling himself that it didn't ever happen then he could live under that delusion for the rest of his life. Or maybe it wouldn't change anything. He hoped that at least if he lived under that delusion then he could be just for a moment happy and carefree and his parents wouldn't be suspicious. Luckily his parents dropped their suspicions and acted like the conversation that they had with him earlier that day had never happened and that was what Roach liked. He liked it when his parents didn't treat him that much different than his brother and sisters because it made him almost forget how different he was; that is until he tried to speak and all that came out was unintelligible gibberish and the occasional gob of saliva. It was at those moments when he was reminded of what he was and how he had lived most of his life. It was at those times that the room would become silent and he'd get looks ranging from sorrow to pity. It was at those times that he almost wished he was back between the walls, at least when his only companion that he could completely trust was Alice and after about a month or two she could understand him perfectly. Everyone knew that something was wrong with him though, they could see it in the dullness behind his intense eyes. The eyes were the window into the soul and his soul was dead and empty. They didn't dare ask or even try to comfort him about it, they knew that he didn't like pity. They kept up the same charade he did that day and he didn't notice. He noticed his younger siblings though and the looks that they gave him as if the same question that was asked to him by his parents was sitting idly on the tip of their tongues waiting to break loose of their confines. Dottie being the more adventurous of them asked him in private and h told her 'no'. There was absolutely no reason someone as young and innocent as Dottie should have had to know things like that, it was bad enough that he knew. He wanted Dot to have the safety and innocence he never had when he was her age, it was a bit like he was living through her, he saw himself in her. He wanted his little sister who was the same age he was when his life ended to have the best life possible, the life he never had. He wanted her to know the grass, the fresh air, the sunlight. He wanted her to know a life without fear and hate looming over her like a cloud. He wanted her to know a good night's sleep without the ghosts of the past haunting her as soon as she closed her eyes. He wanted that for her most of all. Actually he slept well that night, if he had dreams than he couldn't remember them but he did wake up in a warm puddle so he knew that it must have been a bad dream, another nightmare, a tame nightmare by the looks of his arms and nails. He considered it a rather peaceful and good sleep because he was just warm and wet when he woke up and not bleeding or screaming as the remnants of a dream washed over him like the waves upon the shore and the ghosts of the past lingered in his mind making him relive every tortured second of his life up to his escape. It must have been a silent nightmare because neither his mother nor his father came into his room panicked for him and Morgan wasn't banging on the wall demanding silence or he'd scream. He sighed as he rubbed his temples; the previous day had taken such a toll on him he went to bed at seven o'clock in the evening from the emotional exhaustion. It took him a while to fall asleep though because he was afraid of having another memory nightmare. They were becoming more and more frequent and more and more vivid as time went on and they had him so afraid to go to sleep that he'd sometimes stay up all night with his tiny TV on mute and watch late night and early morning TV. He'd probably do that again as soon as he was done changing his sheets. The fact that he wet the bed made him feel like an ashamed and embarrassed child but he knew that it couldn't have been helped no matter what he did. He was glad that he wasn't punished for wetting the bed like he used to be; he was forced to stay in a tub of boiling water all night until it got o be almost freezing and then he had to sleep on the wet mattress. He wished that his parents would let him sleep under the kitchen table on newspaper like he tried to one night but when they noticed and freaked out he decided that it was a bad idea. He didn't for the life of him understand why his parents freaked out like that; it made sense to sleep away from the bed and the sheets because he woke up soaked from the waist down almost every night. They offered to let him sleep in their bed but he declined; the only thing worse that ruining his bed was ruining his parent's bed. Besides, he wasn't going anywhere near that bed unless he was really having a bad night because he had learned the horrible truth about what his parents did in that bed and he was not sleeping in the same place most of his siblings were conceived. He stripped out of his wet pajamas and got into a T-shirt and boxers not bothering to shower. After what had transpired the previous day he was never going to shower again. He cast a mournful look down at his skinned arms and the black marker lines that still remained in some places. He briefly thought about changing into something more concealing but decided to do that when everyone woke up. It was hot in the house and he was getting tired of baking alive under long sleeves and long pants. He hoped that summer ended soon, half because the heat was really starting to get to him and half because he wanted to jump in the leaves and roll around in the snow. He hadn't done that in ten years and he wasn't sure how much longer he could wait. He so desperately wanted to go back to the activities that marked his youth, mostly because it made him forget he was Cockroach for a few minutes and think of himself as David again as others though of him. He sighed and just lay down on the floor, he couldn't lay on his bed because it was wet and there wasn't anymore newspaper to line it. He lined his bed with newspaper so he didn't ruin the mattress. He didn't mind the lack of blanket or pillow or even mattress, this was what he had grown used to. He had set himself up a makeshift bed of old sheets and cushions in his 'room' between the walls but he rarely slept there from fear of the dog. He mostly slept sitting up in parts of the attic where Prince hadn't figured out how to get to or back to back with Messenger under the stairs. He sighed sadly as he remembered what nights under the stairs were like. He covered his ears as the crying, cursing, moaning both in agony and orgasm, and screaming started in his mind as if he were right there with his back up against Messenger's back facing the wall in an effort not to get touched for just one night. He felt guilty about using Messenger like that; they slept back to back in the hopes that Messenger would be the one getting touch, not him. He still felt guilty even as Messenger explained that he wanted to get touched and some day he would too. He highly doubted that he would grow to like having another boy touch him all over until he either got too hysterical, came, or both. That was how he knew what true insanity was. Daddy may have been crazy but Messenger was truly insane. Messenger wasn't insane because he preferred the same sex, that was his business and Roach had seen much stranger in his time in the house, he was inane because he thought that he enjoyed it and the people doing those things to him loved him. Roach supposed that it might have had something to do with the death of Scruff, Messenger's husband. Messenger had told him about how he married Scruff when he was a little younger than Roach and how they were married for only a few blissful years before Daddy took Scruff to a different cage, fattened him up, and then ate him like the witch in 'Hansel and Gretel' only the witch actually won that time. Roach felt bad for Messenger and tried to comfort him but that proved to be a bad idea, he had the small bite marks made by teeth rotten to the core to prove it. Messenger bit into the side of his hand in an effort to defend himself because he wasn't used to loving or comforting contact from another boy, just the occasional woman. They mostly either beat him or used him and that made him sick to the core of his very being. Roach curled up in a little ball as he began to wonder what had happened to Messenger, to any of them. Messenger and Headbanger were really the only ones he cared about but he wondered if Boss was still living. He tried to ignore the news reports because they only brought up memories that left him either sad or angry. He hoped that Boss was dead. He also hoped that Rateyes was dead too and he was glad that Hunch and Fly had died too. They were quite cruel to him, crueler than most because they were in the top of the sick and uncivilized society that had developed in their living hell. He didn't know why but he didn't want Stairmaster to be dead. Stairmaster had used him in the worst way possible but he was also considerate and was trying to make him cum. Roach felt horrible when he thought about that. He didn't know which was worse; the fact that his so called friend had done that to him, the fact that he was trying to make him feel good, or the fact that to Roach's body it felt good even if it devastated his mind. It sickened Roach that he had cum but even more that another boy had made him cum. Maybe it made him like Messenger. That thought scared him; he never wanted to be like Messenger, ever. He was many things; a liar, a coward, a nervous wreck, a fighter, a clever not yet man but not boy either, a survivor, a whore, a prostitute, a slave, a cockroach but he was not a faggot. He wondered if there was a nicer way to say that, there seemed to be a nice way of saying everything on the outside world. He'd have to ask someone, probably his parents because he was never going to write to Donna again. He yawned a bit from exhaustion both physical and mental but he was afraid to go back to sleep. He was afraid of having another nightmare but also of what he would do to himself in his sleep.

'**Well, maybe I could just lay in my bed for a few minutes, that doesn't exactly guarantee that I'll fall asleep, right Right. Oh God, I'm talking to myself! ?' **thought Roach as he pulled the new blanket off the bed and got in slowly so that the creaking of the bed springs wouldn't wake up his still sleeping family. He didn't feel like sleeping under the covers because it was very hot that night because the air conditioning was on the fritz and also sometimes when he slept under the covers he remembered when Mommy would try to smother the badness out of him with a big decorative pillow that was very hard and ruff when he was young enough to still be defiant and talk back. If children weren't getting so hard to steal during that time period he would have had his tongue cut out long ago. That was why he was so jealous of his siblings. They had gotten to be safe their whole lives, they got real food for their whole lives regularly, they got clean clothes bought for them and were never punished when the clothes didn't fit, they got real honest to God love their entire lives and what did he get? He stuck his finger in his mouth to feel the space where his tongue used to be. He bit down hard on his finger as a punishment for even daring to think those thoughts. No good would ever come of jealousy, just more rage and pain and rage and pain were the last things he needed at the time. He was like a lit stick of dynamite if he was provoked enough, light his fuse and he'd explode all over what ever was near. That was why so many things in his home were broken, when he wasn't hurting himself he was hurting something else. That was one of the reasons why Daddy was so afraid of him and also why he never touched Alice even though he thought about it. Roach remembered his exact missing tongue words to the ma he once called father and chuckled quietly for a bit.

'_Yoo ush uhhliss ah I doo shumih orravol too yoo buh I duhno whuh da iz cus moss peepoll lissen too me.(You touch Alice and I do something horrible to you but I don't know what that is 'cause most people listen to me.)' _Roach chuckled silently as he remembered the pale look that crossed Daddy's face and then how it slowly turned red as Roach stood before him just one week after his escape into the walls and a few weeks after the loss of his tongue. Daddy understood him perfectly, he had been listenig to the tongueless cries of his siblings for his entire life. He stood before Daddy not like the scared but defiant little boy he used to be but like a man, tall and proud and not at all letting one hint of fear grace his dirty and bruised features. He was filthy, skinny, bruised, cut, and in some places bleeding but he oozed of a cool confidence and a white hot but controlled rage but also a cool calm to all of that that scared Daddy even more than the thought of his former son being able to take his life at any time or being able to set all of the former children free to reap their vengence upon him. At that moment Daddy knew that his former false son was not afraid of him or his guns or death or of God or the Devil or of sin or aof nything at all, just for her. He feared only for Alice and that was what made him dangerous. He didn't care about himself at that moment, only her safety and that was what made him like Daddy. Daddy only cared for Mommy to be happy with one big happy family and for her to be safe inside of the impenetrable fortress of the house. At that moment Roach and Daddy saw eye to eye about something, they would do anything for the women they loved, and that sickened Roach that they had something in common. If he lived to be a hundred year old man with no teeth and a long white beard he was never ever going to be like Daddy. He and Daddy were two very different people and he was going to keep it that way. He yawned as the exhaustion returned to him as he curled up in a little ball. Sleep suddenly felt so inviting he almost didn't care about the prospect of nightmares as he succumbed to the exhaustion brought on from late nights and early mornings.

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"_Roach? Roach where are you?" called Alice in a light airy voice from his room_

"_I'm comin', wait a minute." said Roach as he made his way toward his room not questioning his sudden ability to talk or why the walls were red._

"_Roach? Come here Roach, I need you.I need you so bad." moaned Alice from his room. He wondered what Alice could need him for as he quickly opened the door. What he saw was the most amazing, hot, erotic site his fifteen year old half virgin eyes had ever seen. There was Alice laying on her side with one arm behind her head and the other tracing a pattern in her exposed thigh in a red nightie that covered her breasts in thin, almost transparent red silk. The rest was red lace that came down just past her butt and opened at the front clearly showing her red lacey underwear and scar free stomach. She looked good enough to be a Playboy center fold._

"_Alice? Is that you?" asked Roach quietly in shock as he stood in the doorway taking in her scantily clad sprawled out form. It wasn't like he hadn't even seen a live woman naked before, he could thank Headbanger for that, it was that he had never seen his incredibly innocent and child like best friend sprawled out on his bed almost naked. He had seen her naked before though, he did live in the walls and she had a vent after all. He knew that it was wrong but then again he was only human and quite curious. _

"_Roach, I need you. I want you so bad right now. I need all seven and a quarter inches of you buried deep inside my love tunnel until I cum. I need to scream out your name in ecstasy! Roach! Oh God Roach! I need you much more than that little boy Fool. You're a man, he's just a little boy, in every sense of the word. Oh Roach, ride me raw! Fuck me until / can't take it anymore! Fuck me until I'm screaming your name so long someone calls the police because they think I'm in pain! Roach! Take me to heaven and back!" Moaned Alice as she untied that bow that held her lacey top together at her breasts and it fell freely down exposing her entire front to him. She shrugged her shoulders and it fell to the floor and he gasped. He decided not to question the fact that her hips were wider than they used to be and her chest was about three sizes bigger. He began to breathe deeply not quite believing what he was hearing. Was Alice, innocent sweet Alice, begging him to ride her raw? Begging him to make her scream out his name? Actually asking him to take her to heaven and back? That was strange, only two people had ever asked him to take them to heaven and back, Messenger and Headbanger and he only listened to one of them._

"_Alice, are you feeling alright? Maybe you should put something on?" said Roach as he backed away a bit in shock. This was just too much and too fast for him. He didn't think that he could do that to Alice, any woman, he was scared. He wanted it but he was nervous about it at the same time. It was quite obvious that his body wanted it, quite obvious._

_"Ohh Roach, I want you on me! In me! Make me your toy! C'mon, you know you want it!" said Alice as she began to nibble gently on his neck and collar bone while she pushed herself into him. Roach could have sworn that he saw that in one of the movies that he found in his father's closet but wasn't allowed to watch. It was just like the movie down to what Alice was or rather used to be wearing and the way the room that they were in was set up and what she was doing. Not that he was complaining._

"_Oh Roach I think you know how I feel right now and you know what you need to do to me. Fuck me Roach! Ride me Roach! Make me yours!" said Alice as she finished with his boxers and tongue kissed him so deeply her tongue was practically down his throat and her pelvis was grinding into his. It was then he noticed that there was a tongue in his mouth that was his and that he was wearing his good boxers with the smiley faces on them, the scene was perfect to him. Her hand went down to the elastic waistband of his boxers and started to pull them down. He decided to throw caution to the wind and do the same with her red lacey underwear. They went over to his bed and all that could be heard was the squeaking of bedsprings and Alice begging Roach to keep going and telling him how good he was. Well that and someone snickering. Wait, snickering?_

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Donna Cullen may not have been on good terms with her brother but she still needed footage of him, lots of footage. She needed to show the world what had become of him but she already knew what had become of him. She new his turn-ons and turn-offs, his peeves, his dreams, his nightmares, his loves and his hates, the pure euphoria an orgasm could bring him and the sickening shame it could also bring. She knew his every fantasy, thought, idea, nightmare, and daydream. She knew when and where he had his first kiss and she knew how he felt about the girl it was with. She knew about his first sexual experience and the disgust that came with it. She knew all of those things at it tore her up inside. She wondered how she could have been a semi normal if not a bit overly shy sixteen year old girl one day and become her brother's keeper the next. All it took was one phone call in early august too, just one. She remembered the night that they got the phone call like it was yesterday. She had been trying to teach Trysta how to paint her nails without smudging the nail polish, Dottie and Morgan were fighting over the remote in the living room because Dot wanted to watch 'E.T.' while Morgan wanted to watch 'Tron' and all of that was oblivious to their parents who were fighting in the kitchen while rock music blasted through the radio to cover up their words about giving up the ten year search for their long missing and long presumed dead son. Their father wanted to have closure and thought that it could have been achieved by a burring an empty box six feet under but their mother wanted keep searching until the day she died not knowing that her son had been living in the hell hole just a mile and a half from their house. In one instant the ringing of the phone changed everything and time seemed to stand still as their mother began to say 'David' and 'found' over and over again as she cried. Every stopped what they were doing at the sound of their long lost brother's seldom used name. They all assumed that a morgue had called as they sometimes did and said that they had found his body in a river or the woods or something. There were some hurried whispers on the part of their parents as they were all banished to their rooms. They all went with out complaint and spent the night trying to sort out their feelings, doubts, and thoughts on the subject of their supposedly found brother. In that one phone call Donna's life got a whole lot worse but his life got a whole lot better. She sighed as she remembered how she had spent ten years wondering about him and how she had found her fears confirmed the fist time she had turned on the news channel to see reports and pictures of the boys and a few girls taken from the house. She remembered how she looked at the missing ears, eyes, and tongues of the people taken from the house on her TV and how she had wondered if that was what had happened to him. Her fears were confirmed when she saw him. When she saw his incredibly thin, scarred body and heard what was left of his tongue attempt to twist itself to form words. She turned the camera on and entered his room slowly, it was supposed to be hidden camera sort of thing after all. She assumed that he would have been up by then, it was well past nine after all, but she was surprised to find him sleeping on his back without his covers on and in nothing but a pair of boxers and a T-shirt which had hiked up high to show the ugly and horrifying cut and burn scars on his peach fuzzed stomach. That was the first thing to make Donna gasp, the second thing to make her gasp she noticed when she looked down. She knew that he was fifteen year old boy and that was what happened to fifteen year old boys when they slept sometimes but she didn't ever want to think of her younger brother like that. She vaguely wondered who he was thinking about as her mind told her to get the hell out of there and forget what she was seeing. She wanted to leave but she couldn't stop snickering as he moaned Alice's name. Her snicker turned into a full out laugh and that was what woke him up. Her laughter instantly stopped and they just looked at each other surprised.

"H-Hey David, good morning. Uh…how'd you sleep?" asked Donna quietly as she tried not to look down at her brother's waist. The had only been one moment between them more awkward than that; when she walked in on him toweling off after an ice shower and got the best view of the scars that covered his body and…other things…that anyone had ever gotten besides the doctors.

"Go." Said Roach simply. He wasn't in the mood to be with Donna or to be recorded or anything like that. He said it simply hoping she'd get the point and leave him be but to his dismay all she did was blush as she willed her eyes to meet his. Since he was still half asleep he didn't know what could possibly be so Goddamn funny.

"Have some…er…pleasant dreams there Dave?" asked Donna who had began recording him again but was making sure to shoot him from the waist up for decency reasons. There was no need to humiliate him for the court even more than he already would have been.

"Huh?" asked Roach. There he was kicking her out of his room and she asks if he slept good? He then came to the conclusion that women, especially sisters, were impossible to understand.

"Goin' campin'?" asked Donna as she giggled a bit. She decided to use a line she had been meaning to use on Morgan on him. Se considered it pretty funny and maybe it would lighten his mood.

"Whuh?(What?)" asked Roach as he rubbed his eyes. He was still a bit out of it from the sleep and he felt like going back to sleep as soon as Donna left. He hoped that he had another dream like that again though maybe one not about Alice. It didn't feel right to think of Alice like that and besides, most of what she said in his dream was speaking evil and Alice never spoke evil. It turned him on when she did though and he didn't know why but he decided not to analyze it too much. He had given up analyzing most turn-ons and turn-offs including his own after he tried unsuccessfully for almost a week to find out why Messenger's preference was Messenger's preference.

"Well, then why are you pitching yourself a tent then?" laughed Donna almost dropping the camera. Roach gave her a confused look but after a few seconds he got it and looked down. He let out a panicked noise and pulled the blanket over himself. It wasn't that he was ashamed of what God gave him, because he wasn't, he just didn't like the fact that that was what his own slightly older sister was laughing about and what she was recording.

"Geh oww!(Get out!)" said Roach loudly as he pointed at her and then the door. She left still laughing and he waited until he heard her go down the stairs before getting up. He felt embarrassed and exposed and a bit violated all at the same time. He could tell that the day wasn't going to go well. He picked quickly picked out his clothes in case Donna decided to come back and after taking one whiff of himself decided to take a much needed but not particularly wanted shower. He didn't really want to, the water and the fact that he'd be in the very bathroom where he hurt himself so badly and so many times brought up some pretty bad memories that he would have preferred remained buried in the nether regions of his tortured mind, but he was beginning to smell bad like he did when he lived in the walls and could only bathe once a month at most. He sighed contentedly as the last remnants of his dream replayed over and over again in his mind like a video cassette. He knew that he shouldn't have been thinking of Alice like that but he couldn't stop his mind from conjuring those images and feelings. He almost swore that he could feel her legs wrapped around his waist and himself inside of her love tunnel. He wished that he could really have her under him, begging him, touching him, saying all kinds of things that would have gotten her her tongue cut out if she had still been held captive as the perfect child. He wished that some other girl; any other girl plagued his dreams like the perfectly innocent and virtuous angel on Earth that God had allowed out of heaven. Hell, he would have taken the small and unclean slave boy that was Messenger over her in fantasy but not reality. The thought of him taking Messenger in any sense of the word or even any boy at all made him feel sick to his stomach. He then had an odd out of the blue thought; did she think of him like that? Think of him pinning her to his bed and going at it until neither of them could see straight? Did Alice even think about those kinds of things? Did she want to see him sprawled out like that on her bed begging her to make him cum? Did she even know what cum meant? He shook his head, all of that thinking about Alice's fantasies and preferences was getting to him. He decided to either turn his thoughts elsewhere or just stop thinking at all. He decided to focus on the task at hand as he stood under the icy spray of water and worked the bar of soap all over his body. He loved the feeling of being clean, it made him feel less like a cockroach and more like a person. He didn't scrub so hard at his skin until it was red and raw even though he had the urge to. He knew that it was best for everyone if he acted like nothing was wrong and he was a happy person even though he was confused at best and in the seventh circle of Hell at worst all through out most of his days. He missed Alice very much and wondered where she was and how she was doing. He hadn't seen her in days and it terrified him. Several scenarios ran through his mind, most of them ending badly for her. As he got dressed he decided to make his way to her house. He hoped that she wanted to see him but couldn't, he didn't know what he'd do if she didn't want to see him. They had been together for most of their lives and they were best friends so he couldn't think of a single reason why she wouldn't wanted to be with him. He began to brainstorm reasons silently to himself during an unusually hurried breakfast. he didn't know why the breakfast was so rushed, something about meeting some lawyer. He knew that he should have at least been a bit more interested in the trial but he wanted the trial to be the last thing on his mind. He barely registered his parent's goodbye as he was left in Donna's care for the day. Alice was occupying his every thought as he asked for Donna's reluctant permission to leave, when he got his worn second hand shoes on, but he did stop thinking about his beloved when Donna told him that she changed her mind. He got very angry and balled both of his hands into fists so hard that his nails drew the blood from his palms and his teeth meshed together. He reluctantly went up to his room and slammed the door as so hard some plaster fell from the ceiling and onto his still damp head. He wanted so desperately to see Alice but had to listen to Donna to make his parents happy. Them loving him was currently his top priority, he needed to get into their good graces like a good boy even though he was such a very bad boy. He crossed his arms in anger and kicked his wall so hard a bit more of the plaster fell, this time onto his unmade bed.

**'Who the hell is the idiot who built this house? If it can be called a house that is. Haha! Why am I only this funny when no one's around? I better make mt bed though, no need for mother to work any harder than she already does or have any reason to go into my room. I'd die of embarrassment if she found my secret box, either of them. This is going to be a long day, I can tell already. A long night giving way to an even longer and more tedious day. I just hope they drop the whole discussing my past thing, no one needs to know. It's a secret best left buried deep down where no one can find it, not even God. Hey, I wonder, could got make a hot sauce so spicy even he himself couldn't eat it? Well I guess he could make it because he's God and all that but then he'd have to eat it too because he is God after all. Damn it, all this thinking is giving me the mother of all migraines. Maybe i should watch some mind numbing TV and hope that either Alice or Fool show up. I'm getting kind of lonely but I don' think that I could face any of my brother or sister's questioning eyes. Maybe I can be like RIP Van Winkle and sleep for a hundred years. Wait, then I'd miss a lot. That'd royally suck. Oh great, now I'm thinking again, better watch TV before my migraine gets any worse.' **Thought Roach as he ribbed his temples with his pointer finger and his thumb. He got migraines from stress and his medication quite often and he did his best to ignore them. He turned his little black and white TV on and was about to flip the channel when the news report stopped him with his hand halfway to the dial. There on his low quality black and white TV was Messenger looking considerably healthier than he was before their escape. He turned it up ignoring the migraine that was building up in his head.

_'Authorities say that Dr. Joesph Redding has a long history of sexual misconduct with patients within the last twenty years though most of the charges were dropped before they could make it to court. Apparently there wasn't enough proof of misconduct with these patients until now. A twenty six year old man named Messenger Robeson who was apparently born into the cellar of the Robeson funeral home and kept as a sex slave was caught having intercourse with Dr. Redding. Some would argue that he was a consenting adult but the man had been showed that he has the thought process of a child and a very warped perception of love and affection which made him particularly susceptible to Dr. Redding. A woman who escaped from the Robeson funeral home almost thirty years ago is the grandmother of Messenger and is pressing against Northwest Mercy mental hospital for gross neglect. We'll have more as this story progresses, back to you Tom.'_ said a reporter as she motioned to her co reporter. Roach felt the bile rise to his throat as he turned off the TV. He felt like screaming and throwing up at the same time but settled for sobbing into his pillow. They were soft, shaky sobs that didn't even drift far enough for anyone to hear. He loved Messenger, not romantically of course, but he loved him like a brother. Well, not like he loved his brother, he wasn't all too sure he even liked Morgan all that much. He loved Messenger like he would have loved Morgan if Morgan had been nicer to him. He had worked hard to defend Messenger from Rateyes and other people who just wanted to use him and now even in freedom he was still being used like a toy that only existed for someoneelse's pleasure. He punched his pillow until he couldn't punch anymore. The worst thing about the whole thing was that there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it. There was depravity everywhere he supposed. No matter where he went people stayed the same; using those weaker than them and only caring for themselves. He sighed loudly and decided to play some video-games to take his mind off of this what he just learned. There was nothing he could do and it tore him up inside like most other things did. He didn't know how long he played Pacman for, he got lost in the game or 'in the zone' as they currently said it. That was one of biggest things he hated about the fact that he had missed out on ten years of change, the way people spoke was so different that he actually had trouble understanding them sometimes. Alice especially when she started talking like her sister. Roach had never heard someone cram so may 'likes' and 'totallies' into a sentence at one like that. He only stopped playing when his doorbell rang and a very sweaty Fool and a flushed Alice were on the other side of the creaky wooden door.

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Alice had felt like a bad girl the entire day as she kept what she and Fool and what she had done from her real parents. All her life she had been taught that it was wrong to keep secrets but it was the first rule she had ever disobeyed and also the first thing she had ever gotten away with. She felt bad those times too but she felt worse because this was her real family who had shown her more kindness in her almost four weeks of freedom than anyone else who had ever dared to call themselves her parents had ever shown her but this time she felt much worse. She felt so bad for what she did because she was trying so hard to be a good little girl like her new parents would want her to be and she had let Fool kiss ad touch her and even worse she had touched herself. The last time she had ever dared to do that she had still been a child and her hands had been promptly burned for her 'offense'. She was worried that the same thing would happen to her again but she also doubted it. Besides, her real father had said that she could do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted with whoever she wanted but she was still a bit doubtful, tricks like that had been played on her in the past. She had come up to her room a half hour ago and was trying to sew a doll to look like her. She had just finished the last touches when her mother came into her room.

"Alice honey I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your mother and coming in anyway." said Mary-Ann who had noticed the knowing glances that her two daughters had been sharing over dinner. She had also noticed the nervousness displayed by her youngest daughter and the fact that her face had been perpetually beet red the entire time since she had come home. Ronald didn't notice though, the emergency at work had kept him stressed and busy and he almost lost a huge account and on top of that he had to cancel the day he was planning to spend with his youngest daughter. The connection between them was back, he could feel it. Mary-Ann couldn't feel that connection with either of her daughters and it tore her up inside. With Debbie she knew that the connection couldn't be rekindled but there was hope with Alice.

"H-Hello real mother. I-Is there anything th-th-that I can do for you?" asked Alice quietly as she stood up from her sewing chair by her sewing machine. She was slightly afraid of her real mother, anyone who had ever called themselves her mother had always been a figure of fear and pain. It broke Mary-Ann's heart to see her daughter so afraid of her that she was shaking in her pure white nightgown.

"Honey, sit with me on the bed so we can talk." said Mary-Ann as she made her way to her daughter's pink with the white lace dust ruffle. Alice went to her bed shaking and wondering what her mother wanted from her. She hoped that Debbie hadn't let anything slip, she had put her trust in Debbie but if Debbie had betrayed that trust then she would have no choice but to betray Debbie's trust. She sat by her mother and sneezed a bit as the hairspray that held Mary-Ann's huge perm in place. Alice looked at her mother and felt safe. She looked and acted nothing like Mommy and that really put Alice at ease. Mommy had hard, cold, and cruel features while her real mother wore colorful clothes, nails, and makeups and her hair wasn't done up nearly as neatly as Mommy's was and it was hard as a rock. Everything about her mother reeked of safety and Alice relaxed for a bit.

"Y-Yes mother?" asked Alice a little less timid than before as she folded her hands and waited for something, anything to happen. Mary-Ann on the other hand was doing just what Alice was doing a moment ago. She looked at the identical brown hair her youngest daughter had, it was identical to how hers was naturally. They were almost identical in height and they were both natural beauties who really didn't need make up all that much.

"Listen, you can tell me anything. I won't yell or insult or punish and I sure as hell won't beat you. So if something is on your mind please tell me." said Mary-Ann as she rubbed a tear from her eye. While she was talking to Alice she had put a reassuring hand on Alice's wrist and Alice had flinched away from her. Her own daughter had flinched away from her touch and it broke her heart. This wasn't the same little two year old that ran away from her in the mall all those years ago, this was a young woman on the brink of adulthood.

"Um...well..." Alice wasn't sure what to say. Her mother had told her to tell her what was bothering her but she wasn't sure if it was a trick or not. Sure she felt safe around her mother but not that safe. She intended to keep it between herself and Debbie but her mother might know what to do, she was older after all. And she did say for her to tell her what was bothering her so it would have been very bad to disobey. She settled on telling her mother about how she was in love with both Fool and Roach but she wouldn't say anything about the kissing or the pregnancy, she still had to retain some goodness didn't she?

"Yes, go on." said Mary-Ann who was happy to be getting some sort of reaction to of her daughter. She was prepared for the worst of what her daughter could say to her. She was prepared for abuse stories, pregnancy, even brushes with the law even though she was sure that her daughter didn't have any of those. Abuse stories she was interested in, she needed to know just what her daughter had gone through with that man and that woman even though she had some pretty good ideas as to what happened considering the fact that for the first two weeks she had helped her daughter bathe herself. Besides, she also needed to know if her daughter needed an adult or a child phychiatrist she didn't exactly trust that Dr. Gunner, it seemed to her like she was just in it for the fame and not the well being of her daughter.

"Well...I-I'm in love." said Alice quietly as she looked down. She felt her face burn red and she feared the worst as her mother went quiet for a moment. This came as a surprise to Mary-Ann because with all of the problems that her daughter had faced this what what was bothering her? It didn't come as a surprise to Mary-Ann that she was in love though, she had seen the ways she looked at her two friends that occasionally came to her house. That was actually what prompted Mary-Ann to begin crushing the birth control pill into the pill cocktail Alice was given every morning with her orange juice.

"With who, Allie?" asked Mary-Ann as she already got a good idea of who it was her daughter had feelings for and she didn't really want to be in-laws with Amanda Cullen but if that was who her daughter had feelings for then she was going to have to respect that. She hoped that it was her other friend though, she had nothing against the boy and had never met his family but the fact that he had grown up in the ghetto did bother her a bit but he was still better than some of the boys her oldest daughter brought home.

"I-I-It's just that I-I think I'm in love with both of my best friends and it doesn't feel right. They're both my best-friends and it feels like I'm betraying both of them whenever I spend time with either of them. It's just so confusing!" said Alice who was happy to get all of that off of her chest. When she was done she was breathing heavily and her mother smiled a little bit. She had been dreaming of having a conversation like that with her daughter for twelve years and it was going to be just like she always imagined it would be. They'd curl up on the couch under a big fluffy blanket and eat chocolate and have themselves a nice long discussion about boys and kisses and dating like a mother and daughter should.

"Honey, I'm gonna go kick Ronny off the couch and then we'll have us a nice long talk about all those types of things." said Mary-Ann and that was what they did and it was the best moment Alice had ever had with her mother. It was a much more pleasant discussion than 'where babies came from 'and it so much more pleasant than 'when a girl becomes a woman'. Alice learned so much and she knew what she had to do. She was going to have to either pick one of them or keep her feelings for them to herself. Alice had one regret though, she told her real mother about her first practise kiss. She was happy that there wasn't any punishment, just some giggling and an uncomfortable look but Alice didn't want too many people to know about that personal moment in her life. It was bad enough that Debbie knew but it was worse that her real mother knew. She wondered if Roach had told anyone about it. If he did Alice wouldn't ever forgive him. OK, she would but it would take time because she wanted it to be a secret. When she went to bed that night she was happier and closer to he real mother than she had ever been before.

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Fool didn't sleep at all well that night, well he didn't sleep well most nights but this one was a really bad night. He didn't usually sleep because he had nightmares and flashbacks when he slept and it felt just like he was there in that house again. Something new was keeping him up this tie though and it had been on his mind the entire day from the time he took his sister home from the park to when he went to bed for the night. He couldn't believe that he had done that with Alice in the park He couldn't believe that he had lost control like that and actually went for it, especially with a girl that wasn't his. I wasn't like he hadn't done anything like that before but it was obvious to him that that was completely new to Alice and had most likely scared her off. She kissed him back in her own fumbly, inexperienced way though, but she really didn't really know what she was doing so it was obvious to him that she didn't do those types of things with Roach. He hoped that he didn't ruin his and and hid and Roach's friendship by going jut a bit too far to quickly with Alice. He rubbed his head, all of that thinking added to his exhaustion was giving him the worst headache he had ever had. He was also worried that he had lost Alice as a friend. He had feelings for her but he also wanted to at least have her as a friend if not a girlfriend. He needed to see if Alice had feelings for him or if she was just caught in the heat of that perfect if not a bit voyeuristic moment in the more woodsy area of the park. He had been up for half the night thinking about him and her and what had transpired between them and wondered if that was what he really wanted from Alice or it was even a good idea to have a relationship with her, physical or otherwise. She wasn't all to right in the head so being in a romantic or even physical relationship with her might not have been the best idea. He had a bad night's sleep that night and woke up earlier than normal that morning. He decided that there was no point to stay in bed any longer considering the fact that it was already daylight out and his way to his tiny kitchen to make himself breakfast while still thinking the whole thing with Alice over. He was going to have to straighten the entire thing out and get his answers, it was going to be awkward but necessary if he ever wanted to live in a relative peace. Besides, it was either have that talk with Alice or avoid her for the rest of his life and he didn't think that that was possible considering the fact that she knew where he lived and occasionally popped in on him. He ate a bowl of cereal while still thinking about Alice and barely registered his grandfather's greeting. He wanted to get it over with as soon as possible but one glance at the clock told him to wait a bit. It wasn't exactly early morning but he doubted that Alive would even be done with breakfast or even awake. He got dressed in his best, hole-free, clothes and smiled as he saw his mother looking through the classified ads. He decided to wait until it was at least eleven before making the rather long trek to Alice's house. If she was at Roach's as she often was he was going to wait for another day to ask her. He waited by his mother's side until eleven before asking to leave. He swallowed hard as he left and as a after thought popped a tic-tac into his mouth in case there was a repeat of the events of the previous day.

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Alice followed her morning routine to the letter that morning as she did every morning but that morning took a bit longer because she found herself getting side tracked and lost in her thoughts. Most of her thoughts were about her and Fool or her and Roach and it confused her. she knew why she was thinking of them, she was in love with them, but she didn't want to be thinking of both of them. She wished that her heart could make up its mid and just pick one of them because every time she remembered Roach's gentle kiss she felt like she was betraying Fool, her new friend and second love, and every time she remembered Fool's hands roaming all over her and his tongue entering her mouth she felt like she was betraying Roach, her oldest friend and first love. She felt like the worst person in the world sometimes because of how she betrayed both of them like that and how she enjoyed it, every moment of it. She ate her breakfast as her parents rushed around that morning both running very late for work. She wanted to see Roach and planned to walk over to his house later and decide once and for all if it was him or Fool. Life had become quite complicated since her escape but that didn't mean that she'd trade her new life for the world. She loved having a life without fear and she loved how there was a real love felt for her by her real family, she now knew that Mommy didn't really love her and neither did Daddy. She felt depressed and betrayed when that realization dawned on her, all she had know was just one big lie. The people who had convinced her that the beatings and burnings and near drownings were all for her own good because they loved her and wanted her to be the best little girl she could be. Her real parents had never done anything like that to her and at first it confused her but after quite a bit of time and some clarification from Roach she knew the difference between real love and the fake love that had been given to her for most of her life. She hated the fact that she had been tricked for most of her life and vowed that she would get Mommy and Daddy back a hundred fold. She ate her breakfast silently as Debbie blasted herself some music from her Walkman and ignored her little sister. The loud ringing of the doorbell startled Alice but had no effect on Debbie who was blasting the music so loudly Alice could hear every lyric clearly. It rang a few more times before Alice plucked up the courage to answer it. She was surprised to see Fool on the other side of the door and quickly ushered him inside the overly airconditioned house. She blushed and looked at the ground as she remembered in vivid detail just what happened between them. She could almost feel his lips to hers again, his tongue in her mouth licking her teeth and caressing her tongue, and his hands roaming in places that no one else had ever touched her before. They stood awkwardly in the hallway until Debbie decided to see where her sister went. If Alice decided to go outside and got lost or kidnapped she'd be the one in trouble and she was sure that her parents wouldn't listen to her 'she wasn't here for that long so we really didn't have that long to get attached to her' excuse. She walked to the hallway and was surprised to see her sister and her sister's friend standing awkwardly in the hallway by the front door. She remembered how awkward it was for her when she was young and decided to break the ice for her sister to be nice and to put her mind at ease about tricking her.

"Hey Allie, I didn't know you were gonna have friends over today. Your Fool, right?" asked Debbie cutting through the awkward silence. They were both very grateful for that distraction from their thoughts and Alice gave her a thankful look that went unnoticed by Fool.

"Yeah, you Debbie right?" said Fool relived that some of the awkwardness was gone. He had been to Alice's house a few times before but had seen very little of her sister and even less of her parents who she said must have really liked work because the spent so much time there. Actually it was a bit more awkward because Debbie didn't get dressed that day so she was still in her short blue silk spaghetti strap nightie that left very little to the imagination. Fool tried not to look but he failed miserably. Alice noticed and crossed her arms over her light yellow sundress, how could Fool do that to her but then go and look at her older sister. She was even a bit angry at Debbie for walking around like that. She didn't know why but for some reason boys liked to look at girls when they wore things like that.

"Yeah. Hey, I've seen you around here before, gonna hang out here?" said Debbie seeing her sisters look. She had done some pretty bad things in her almost eighteen years of life but stealing the guy her sister liked was crossing the line. Besides, he wasn't all that cute anyway and she already had two boyfriends, both in college so she didn't really need him for anything but stroking her all ready impressive ego. She did like the attention she was getting from him though even if she wasn't interested in him or any thirteen year old, she liked them much older than that.

"If Alice wants me to." said Fool looking at his scuffed sneakers like they were the most interesting things in the entire world. He considered just leaving and pretending that what happened between them had never happened but he knew that he couldn't just up and leave without arousing suspicion and being rude to her. He regretted ever doing that with her, he hated being impulsive like that sometimes, it had gotten him into some really bad trouble quite a few times.

"I bet she does." said Debbie in a slightly suggestive voice that made Fool blink in surprise and Alice blush and look at the floor. With that Debbie left for the living room and Fool and Alice looked awkwardly at each other. They didn't quite know what to say to each other so they stayed in an awkward silence until the news on the TV could be heard loudly down the hallway as well as Debbie's chatter on the phone.

"Um... so Fool, do you wanna...uh...come up to my...uh... room?" said Alice who didn't quite feel to comfortable being with Fool in her hallway. She wanted Fool to say something about what happened, she wanted him to say anything. She even wanted a repeat of what happened but she also in a way didn't because it felt like she was betraying Roach. Her mother had told her that it wasn't betraying anyone because she wasn't romantically involved with either of them. She tried to listen to what her mother said but it still felt like she was betraying both of them. Even worse it felt like her heart was betraying her, her heart and as of late her body.

"Y-Your room?" asked Fool who couldn't believe that he was being asked up to her room. He knew what had happened every time he had ever been asked up to a girls room and he didn't think that Alice would ever be that bold and he wasn't even prepared for that. Not yet anyway but maybe Alice was, she was older than him after all. Well, only by one year but girl did mature faster than boys.

"Yeah, I got a new board game, it's like they mixed up tic-tac-toe and checkers only up and down. It's called connect four, you ever play it? Me and Roach play at his house 'cept we can only connect three because his game is missing a lot of pieces. Hey, maybe later we can go see Roach! I haven't seen him in a while, I hope he didn't forget me. Do you think he forgot me?" said Alice going on and on as she sometimes did. Fool let out a sigh of relief, she only wanted to play a board game. He thought she wanted a repeat of what had gone on between them earlier or maybe even something a bit more serious and the thought of that happening between them both excited and terrified him. It wasn't like he hadn't done those things with girls before but those girls weren't at all like Alice. Alice was sweet and naive and trusting and so incredibly beautiful, not like the girls he had been with in the past who were dressed in clothes that pushed the indecent exposure laws and only wanted one thing from him, the same thing he wanted from them. Well,as close to that thing as a twelve year old could get anyway. He didn't want just one thing from her though, he wanted just to be with her, he had actual feelings for her that he had only had for one girl in the past but she was lost to the foster care system. He hoped that she felt the same way but he was almost certain that she felt that way for Roach and that broke his heart. Well he did know her first but he saved her life and his but then again...all of that thinking was giving him a headache so he just nodded and followed her up to her room. Fool had been to her room many times in the past but every time he got there she had just a little more stuff. When the former guest room was first designated as hers because her old room had been sealed off long ago was given to her it was spacious and the walls were white but the room now held several shelves full of things and the walls were a soft pink, the room was hers. It was crowded and the walls were covered in pictures that she took herself of almost everything she saw and almost half of the room was devoted to the sewing machine and fabrics for sewing. Alice moved the fragile white tea set off of her soft pink play table and set her new game up. She loved board games much more than video games but didn't much like playing either of with Roach because he sometimes cheated at just about everything they played together be it checkers or old maid. They played connect four awkwardly and silently with neither one of them being truly into what they were doing, they were just to lost into their own thoughts and desires to be into the game. Fool was amazed that Alice could look so much like a little girl but at the same time pull off an outfit like the one she was wearing on that day in the park. She won the first game and reset the board for them to play again but he put his hand on her wrist to stop her. He supposed that then was as good a time as any to get their discussion over with. It wasn't going to be particularly pleasant but it had to be done. He decided to get it over with quickly like taking cough syrup or pulling off a band aid.

"Alice, can we go over to your bed and talk?" asked Fool. Alice nodded and followed him secretly wishing that the hand that was resting on her wrist was once again creeping up her leg to her skirt or trying to undo her bra clasp. She hated it when she thought not good girl like thoughts no matter how good they made her feel. The bed creaked a bit as they both sat down on her soft, plush covers. They looked at each other for a second and just looked down and blushed. It was so awkward they thought that they were going to die of embarrassment as they just looked at Alice's pink rug that read 'Daddy's Little Princess'.

**'C'mon Fool, kiss me, hold me, talk to me, something! This is so awkward, what are you waiting for? What do you want? Me? Do you want me? Do you want to kiss me again? Touch me? C'mon Fool give me a hint or something! This is so much easier with Roach, he tells me everything. If he wanted to kiss me or talk to me then he would either kiss e or talk to me, not like you Fool. Maybe he's just nervous, mother said that boys got just as nervous as girls and I'm a girl and pretty nervous right now.' **Thought Alice as she played with the hem of her sun dress unable to meet Fool's deep brown eyes. She almost hoped that Fool wanted to kiss her and touch her again like he did before but she hated the feelings of betrayal that came with them. It wasn't actual betrayal according to her mother but she still felt very bad about it, she wouldn't want Roach to kiss another girl because she loved him even if he didn't know that. It made her feel very bad inside whenever Roach looked at other women the way she wanted him to look at her.

**'Why can't I just tell her? I feel like Roach must feel, not being able to get the words out. I have to tell her, have to ask her. OK Fool focus, if you can escape a house run by a crazy landlord and his crazy sister then you can ask one girl how she feels. Actually, I'd take the gun wielding manic right about now.' **Thought Fool as he risked a glance at Alice who was looking down at the rug. He took in a deep breath, he had never had to do that with a girl before. They had come to him first all of his life; he had actually been accused by some of his friends from his old neighborhood that he had to be beaten over the head, dragged to a girl's house, and raped repeatedly before he actually got that she liked him. He hoped that Alice liked him back because even though he had done stuff like that with girls before it was different with Alice. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't know if it was him she wanted or what he did for her like so many other girls in the past, or maybe how she didn't know exactly what she was doing like all of the other girls he had been with, or maybe it was how she was like no one he had ever met before.

"A-Alice?" asked Fool who knew that even though it wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation it had to be done. He was afraid of the answer, if it was 'yes' he'd be the happiest he had been since he moved into his new apartment but if the answer was 'no' he'd be crushed and avoid her for a long while. He almost wanted to leave right there and drop the whole thing but another part of him wanted to stay and learn the truth about how she felt about him.

"Yes Fool?" asked Alice as she turned toward him slowly. When she turned the sun hit her just right making her look even more beautiful to him and for that moment he couldn't help himself as he planted a feather light kiss on her lips. At first she was startled but she slowly melted into him and Fool noticed that she had gotten better since the very first time he kissed her that summer's day in her kitchen. He momentarily forgot about what he was going to ask her as he deepened the kiss a bit but not as much as that day on the park. She opened her mouth an welcomed him momentarily forgetting about her feelings for Roach. It was a bit slower than before and also a bit less intimate but Alice loved it and so did Fool. She put her arms around Fool's neck and Fool put his hands around her waist and slowly brought them up and around until his hands were at the front buttons of her dress. He began to work on each button as his tongue began to work its way around her mouth and her tongue in his mouth mimicked his tongues movements. Alice began to feel strange like she did before as all of the buttons on the front of her dress were undone and her white bra was completely exposed to him.

"Fool." moaned Alice as Fool began to kiss her neck as his hand began to work on the clasp of her bra. She ran her hands through his hair getting lost in the moment. As Fool finished with her bra he realized what he was doing and sat up straight. Alice looked at him confused and wondering what she did wrong as she fixed her bra and began to button her sundress. Fool looked down as he tried to catch his breath, he couldn't believe he did that. He supposed that it was due to that puberty thing the school had been teaching about but he still couldn't believe that one little light kiss led to that. He took one look at Alice as she gave him a sad and confused look and that made him feel like crud.

"Alice, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." said Fool as he fixed his shirt and looked down at his shoes. Alice was confused, what was he so sorry about? She was the one that did something wrong, right? Fool hoped that he didn't scare Alice again like he suspected he did in the park. She blushed and mumbled something so incoherent it could put Roach himself to shame.

"What?" asked Fool getting a bit closer to her not to be intimate in any way but to comfort her and apologize for going to fast for her again. She looked at him and swallowed hard, she was very nervous and wanted nothing more than to disappear into the pink folds of her blanket never to be seen or heard from again.

"I'm the one who should be sorry, I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you stop kissing me." said Alice a bit more loudly as she drew her knees to her chest. This surprised Fool so much he actually blinked a bit in surprise; she was sorry? This was strange, very strange but then again a lot about Alice was very strange. He was begining to think that maybe having a relationship with Alice wasn't exactly the best thing to do considering how strange she was in the head. Alice hoped that Fool wouldn't leave, she liked having him around but she knew that he might not love her. It had been explained to her that sometimes that was what all that men would want from her. She knew that Fool was her friend but she wasn't all too happy with the idea that she was being used no matter how good what he was doing felt.

"Alice, do you like me or just what I'm doing?" asked Fool quietly. It was now or ever he supposed but he was begining to hope that the answer wouldn't be 'yes'. He didn't know how he could deal with the baggage that probably would come with being Alice's boyfriend. He wondered if Roach was Alice's boyfriend but thought against it, if he was her boyfriend he wouldn't have been checking out girls like he often did. He would still have felt hurt if the answer was 'no' but in the hurt he also supposed that it would have been for the best.

"Of course I like you Fool, I wouldn't let you in my house or be my friend if I didn't like you. I like what you do too Fool, it feels good but is it the one thing my mother keeps telling me about? I'm kinda confused, about everything really." said Alice timidly as she played with the hem of her dress in nervousness. She didn't feel right telling Fool about how confused she was, she mostly just went along with things because she felt that her confusion was something that was best kept to herself.

"No, I mean like-like." said Fool a bit surprised that Alice didn't know what he meant but the again there was a lot that Alice didn't know. Alice gave him a confused look as she stopped playing with the hem of ehr dress and looked right at him, confusion etched across her features.

"Like-like?" asked Alice who didn't really know what that meant. She knew what like was and she knew what love was but she didn't know like-like. Was it 'like a lot' or 'almost like'? If there was a like-like then was there a love-love or a hate-hate? She rubbed her head, all of that thinking was giving her the world's biggest headache.

"You know, it's like...love." said Fool quietly as he touched her hand. This surprised Alice as she looked at him with wide eyes and then looked her bedspread, tears collecting around her eyes. If Fool loved her and she loved Fool than she was betraying Roach and it tore her up inside. She wiped a tear from her eye as she felt amazing that Fool felt the same way about her but horrible because of how she loved Roach too. She felt like she was being as bad as she could be loving two boys at the same time, good little girls didn't fall in love with boys who spoke evil or boys who broke into happy homes but she loved them both anyway. At that moment she wished that she back at the house with Mommy and Daddy, at least there she didn't have to worry about love or growing up or anything like that.

"Alice, why you cryin'?" asked Fool quietly as he put a hand on her back to reassure her. She buried her face in her hands as more of her tears began to roll down her cheeks. This was all just too much for her and she felt like she was going to explode from all of the things she was feeling. She turned to Fool and looked at him with her red eyes and runny make up.

"I-I love you and I love Roach and I-I j-j-just don't know and it-it's just so confusing and I just don't know what to do!" confessed Alice as Fool looked at her surprised.

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Oh no, a cliffy! Horror of unspeakable horrors! Just trying to keep every body's interest up. Wanna know something completely random? I'm watching 'Waterworld' right now. Please review constructively.


	25. Never Listen to your Libido

Disclaimer: Do I really have to say...err...write it? Fine! 'People Under the Stairs' is the property of Wes Craven and not me. Messenger is though! *hugs Messenger plushy*

Fool looked at Alice for a very long time taking in what she had just told him. She loved him? She loved Roach? Well, he was happy that she felt that way about him but he felt bad that she felt that way about Roach. He knew for a fact that Roach felt the same way, it was quite obvious. He wanted to start a relationship with Alice, he liked her, but he didn't want to make her choose and he certainly didn't want to make Roach mad at him. He knew how strong Roach was, Roach had pulled him into the walls from three feet above him and lifted Leroy's gutted but still quite heavy corpse out of the brine, and he knew that if they were ever in a physical fight his chances of winning were slim to none. One look at Alice's teary, frustrated face told him that it was going to be unfair for him to make her choose. He liked her but he knew that it wasn't going to be fair to her if she had to be in a relationship but be unhappy and confused. He felt bad that he had done that to Alice but it was even worse that he was going to have to reject her even when he liked her back. He scooted away from her and let out a breath he didn't even know that he had been holding. It was then or never and he knew what he had to do.

"Alice, listen." said Fool softly as he brushed a lock of curled brown hair from her tear stained face lovingly. She sniffed a bit and looked up at him. Roach was the only one who had ever done that before and it confused her even more. Did Fool love her too or was he just asking? Was he using her? That was what she had been warned about by her real mother and sister; that some boys would just use he rand not feel anything for her. She hoped that Fool wouldn't be like that, he didn't seem like he would be but she had been warned about what could happen.

"Yeah Fool?" said Alice as she dried her tears with her blanket and composed herself a bit. She hated being in love, it was so wonderful and confusing at the same time. She wanted Fool to love her back and she also wanted Roach to love her back and it made her feel very confused and like a horrible person. She looked over at Fool, he was nothing like Roach. Roach was tall and thin and even had a bit of muscle to him and Fool was small and looked a lot like a little boy. Roach and Fool were both very brave though, very clever, very nice, and very good kissers. Well, Fool was a better kisser but Roach went more slowly and savored it while Fool went a bit more quickly like he had done it a thousand times before. Not that she was complaining about either of them, it all felt good to her.

"Alice, you like Roach, right?" asked Fool quietly as he took hold of her hand. She looked down for a moment before nodding slowly. She felt sick inside as she admitted being in love with Roach to the other love of her life. Only a select few people knew about that and she wanted to keep it that way.

"And you like me too?" asked Fool quietly as he put his other hand onto her hand. She looked right at him and nodded and blushed. That was quickly becoming the most uncomfortable moment of her life. It was one thing to admit to being in love with someone in a fit of frustration but it was different to admit it to someone to their face. She wished that she could turn back time and take it all back but she knew that it was impossible.

"Alice, I like you." said Fool nervously as he let her hand go and bit his lower lip. Now it was there out in the open and there was no way to take it back. She looked up at him surprised and then looked back down again and blushed. Her heart was going a mile a minute when he said those words, the words that she had been longing to hear from both him and Roach for quite a bit of time. She smiled a bit because even though she felt horrible that she was betraying Roach it still felt amazingly good that someone loved her back. Besides, she wasn't all too sure if Roach loved her. A kiss was just a kiss sometimes she supposed even though she didn't want to think of the kisses she and Roach shared as just kisses. They were special even when they were just for practice or when they were playing husband and wife.

"F-F-Fool, I like you like that too but...um...well...I....uhh..." stuttered Alice as she scooted a bit closer to him. She wasn't even all that sure that she loved Roach as much as she loved Fool because Fool actually told her that he loved her and she told him that she loved him, she hadn't told Roach anything about that. She wondered if Roach even felt that way about her, he did look at other girls the way she wished that he would look at her after all.

"You like Roach too, I know and it's OK. I ain't gonna make you choose and I certainly ain't gonna make Roach mad. When you decide you tell me, 'kay." said Fool who wanted Alice to be his girlfriend but knew that it would be unfair to make her choose. Besides, it didn't look like Alice was alright in the head and he wasn't sure that he could deal with that.

"Are you sure?" asked Alice timidly feeling a bit better that she wouldn't have to choose. She smiled and gave Fool a light kiss on the lips. Fool returned it just as it was, not taking it any further than his lips resting on hers. When they broke apart they looked at each other awkwardly and smiled. Fool gave her a pat on the back and went back to the table but Alice stopped him. She suddenly didn't want to play anymore; she didn't want to do much of anything. Fool seemed to sense it and stood up from the table and went over to her.

"Are you OK? You want me to go?" said Fool who felt quite uncomfortable in her room so soon after their moment. Alice looked at him and nodded 'no' before focusing her attention on her white knee high socks. Fool walked up to her and pulled her in for a no strings attached hug. She returned it and took a drag of the scent that was Fool, it was nothing like Roach. He didn't notice as he rubbed her back reassuringly. He liked her but then decided that it would be better if they were friends.

"No, please don't go. I just-I...I'm not...I don't know, Fool." said Alice quietly as they broke apart from their hug. She smiled at him, just a smile nothing else. Fool felt bad for doing that to Alice and wondered if he could make it up to her.

"Well, you wanna watch TV or something? You like TV, right?" asked Fool as he sat back down on her bed. She nodded 'no' and thought for a moment. She almost wanted to see Roach again, she missed him. She wondered if he missed her too. She hoped that he did but was also a bit worried about seeing him. She had just told Fool how she felt about him and Roach after all and was worried that Fool might tell him about how she felt about him or maybe she might even let it slip. She missed him though, she was overdue to see him and knew that she had to see him stay friends with him. She did spend almost everyday of her life with him and she was really starting to miss him. Besides, she had to apologize for being so mean to him even though it wasn't her fault. She wouldn't tell him why she was being mean that day to him though. She didn't have to tell him _everything_, right?

"Maybe we could go see Roach?" asked Alice quietly. Fool looked at her for quite a bit of time before nodding 'yes' slowly. He wasn't all too sure if it would be the best idea but then again it was better than sitting awkwardly in her room. Alice got her shoes and a hat all the while watching Fool out of the corner of her eye as he got his shoes. He wasn't Roach but that didn't mean that she didn't like looking at him. They made their way downstairs past Debbie who was busy with her own stuff and didn't really care that Alice was leaving but still told her to be back soon. If her sister went missing under her watch she knew that there'd be hell to pay.

'**Well, that was certainly uncomfortable. Actually it was the most uncomfortable moment of my entire life to be perfectly honest. So Fool loves me back? I love him back but I love Roach too and not in the brother/sister way either. Does Roach love me too? I hope he does but at the same time I almost don't want him to. I don't want to break his heart but I don't want to break Fool's heart either. Maybe Roach loves me too? He did kiss me after all but were those real kisses? Was it a real kiss when I kissed Fool? I think it was but then again I wasn't really expecting it. Well, I wasn't expecting most Roach's kisses either but I still kissed him back. I actually made the first move! Oh no, I kissed Fool back too. What's the matter with me? I almost wish I was back in the house with Mommy and Daddy; things were much more simple back then. Stop! I can't think like that! That's thinking evil! Wait; is there such a thing as thinking evil? Well, it's still a bad thought to have anyway even if there is no such thing as thinking evil. Well, I guess I should do like Roach sometimes says and look on the bright side but not really look at the bright side or else I'll hurt my eyes. It's one of the weird expression things but I guess that I should try and think for the better; I won't have to choose for a long time, or a short time. Either way I don't have to choose right now, I can just let things get back to normal. Yes, Normal is good. Good like me.' **Thought Alice as she and Fool walked awkwardly together through the neighborhood stealing the occasional awkward glance at each other. They felt quite awkward and uncomfortable being near each other after all that had transpired between them and the extreme heat wasn't exactly helping to make the semi long walk to Roach's house any more comfortable. Emotionally it was awkward and physically it was draining because the temperature was in the mid eighties that day in late August and it was quite a trek for Fool who had already walked to Alice's house from his apartment. They walked a bit farther apart than they normally would have and they didn't even try to make conversation or even look at each other for more than a few seconds. They did risk glances at each other occasionally though, and that led to awkward looks and blushes. Alice was feeling much better about the whole thing since she wouldn't have to choose right then but she had a feeling that she eventually would. That thought scared her a bit, she still didn't know who she wanted more but since Fool said he liked her but didn't want to put her on the spot she supposed that she could pick Roach but then there came another problem; she didn't know how Roach felt about her. It was possible that Roach loved her but she wasn't going to ask him if he did, she didn't think that she could handle the answer if it was 'no'. They're friendship might not have been the same if he knew about how she felt. She might feel awkward around him like she felt awkward around Fool and she didn't want to feel that way around any of her friends. When they got to Roach's house they both reached their index fingers out for the doorknob and instantly pulled back when their fingers made contact.

"Uh...you wanna?" asked Fool as he blushed and looked at the ground from embarrassment. Alice rang the doorbell and they waited awkwardly in the heat and embarrassment. They looked in opposite directions as they waited for a few moments before Alice who had become a bit impatient rang the doorbell again.

"Hayg ouh! (Hang on!)" said Roach as he finally opened the door. He pulled them both inside quickly and made a sound that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a yelp that Fool assumed was meant that Roach was happy to see him. Alice on the other hand knew exactly what that sound meant; it meant that Roach was happy to see them but he was confused as to why he hadn't seen her in a while. She knew that because she knew him very well, more than any other person on the planet knew him. She knew him well and she also knew that even if eh wasn't in love with her he would still most likely feel hurt that she was in love with Fool and had also kissed him. She wished that she had some vague idea as to what his reaction would be if she told him that she was possibly pregnant with his child.

"H-Hey Roach, what's up?" Stuttered Fool who was a bit uncomfortable for two reasons. The main reason being that he had just told Alice he liked her and she had said that she liked Roach and Fool was pretty sure the Roach liked Alice. The other reason being that Roach had pulled him in and he didn't exactly like being touched by Roach. It wasn't that he didn't like him; it was just that he didn't find Roach to be particularly pleasant to be touched by.

"Hey Foo! Hey Uhliss! (Hey Fool! Hey Alice!)" said Roach as he shook Fool's hand so hard Fool thought that it might get dislocated. He pulled Alice in for a close hug and she hugged back a bit uncomfortably. Usually she would have had no problem hugging Roach but she had just admitted to being in love with both Fool and Roach. Well, that and she was very sweaty and hot.

"It's good to see you too Roach but you're holding me kinda too tight." Said Alice her voice slightly muffled by Roach shirt. He looked startled and instantly let her go. He didn't mean to hurt her, it was just so good to see her again, her and Fool. He hadn't seen either person in what he considered to be a very long time.

"Um sowree. (I'm sorry.)" said Roach sadly. He felt bad about hurting his best friend and first love. He was going to have to punish himself for that later as he often did. He looked down at the stained rug, guilty written on his face plain as day. Even Fool felt sorry for him right then, it was hard not to. Alice felt bad and put her hand on his shoulder to reassure him, she was one of the few people that he felt comfortable with letting them touch him.

"It's OK Roach; you didn't hurt me that bad. See, no bruises. I'm OK, really." Said Alice as she held out her arms to show the lack of any physical injury inflicted by him. He smiled and nodded, suddenly happy. He had violent mood swings that scared him sometimes, they scared Alice a bit to but she would never tell him because if she told him than she would be admitting to being afraid of him sometimes. Besides, his angry and sad moods were the only ones that scared her anyway and he didn't seem to be too angry or sad around her. Fool on the other hand was very open with his shock and sometimes even fear when Roach would be ready to cry one minute and then smiling the next.

"Who is it? If it's those Jehovah's witnesses again stick what's left of your tongue out and then slam the door!" called Amanda from the next room

"It's David's friends!" yelled Dottie who had been drawing a landing strip in the driveway with chalk and finger paint at the time. She wished that she had some help but she knew how her brother was about the sun and getting dirty and no one else would help her, they never did.

"Alice and that other boy?!" called Amanda loudly as some loud clanging could be heard and then some curses that made Alice cover her mouth and mutter 'speaking evil' a few times. Fool gave her a curious look while Roach listened like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Yeah Mom! We got anymore chalk?!" yelled Dottie even louder

"Are you making a sign for the UFO's again?! Don't you dare draw on the house! It's falling apart as it is!" yelled Amanda who really wasn't in the mood for whatever her youngest daughter was doing

"No, it's a landing strip!" said Dottie a tad bit insulted. She would never use a drive way for sign making, that was what the roof was for.

"Landing strip?" asked Fool as he looked out the open doorway to see Dottie covered in chalk and finger paint working on something in the driveway. He didn't know much about any of Roach's siblings other than the fact that most of them went off and did their own thing.

"For the aliens that Dot thinks are coming." Said Alice as she too turned to watch Dot work. She knew that things like aliens and monsters were pretend, Roach had spent and entire afternoon explaining that to her, which made her wonder about why Dot invested so much of her time in them. She would never invest her time in something that was pretend, she had dolls to sew and dress.

"What?" asked Fool again as he gave Alice a questioning look. That statement was proof to him that Alice wasn't completely right in the head.

'_Dot thinks that aliens are coming for her to take her back to their home planet. She's even beginning to think that she's actually the result of our mother being abducted and impregnated by aliens but between you and me I think she knows deep down that that's not true. It's best not to ask why she does what she does, trust me on this.' _Wrote Roach as he cocked his head to the side as Dot poured some paint onto her and began to make an angel on the hot cement of the drive way like someone would make a snow angel.

"Oh. No offense Roach but your sister's kinda weird." Said Fool as Dot began to jump up and down in the paint with her bare feet turning the cuffs of her grey jumpsuit legs white.

'_Fool, you don't know the half of it.' _Wrote Roach as he wiped some sweat from his forehead. It was getting hot in the house because the front door was wide open. He didn't really like the heat all that much and the fact that he was wearing long pants and long sleeves wasn't exactly helping make matters any better.

"You better not be on the roof again! God help you if you are!" yelled Amanda fearing that Dot had decided to turn the roof into one giant landing strip like she had once in the past. She didn't think that Dot would try it again but there was no predicting her children.

"I'm not going back up there, I almost fell off last time! I'm not stupid you know!" yelled Dottie who had stopped jumping and began to make her way to the house satisfied with her work and not caring that she was tracking with finger paint all over the front law. It was too green anyway, Dot hated when things were just one color.

"OK then, have fun. David, close the door, you're letting the cold out." Said Amanda as more banging could be heard. Roach let Dot in and then closed the door but he didn't lock it. He didn't like locked doors and he was just getting used to closed ones.

"So Roach, uh…How you been lately?" asked Fool trying to make conversation with his semi friend. He was grateful to him for saving his life but something about Roach made him just the tiniest bit uneasy. Roach deliberated for a bit before making an 'OK' sign with his fingers. They stood awkwardly in front of the door for a few moments just looking at each other.

'**This is actually a bit ironic that I don't like awkward silences considering the fact that I'm technically mute. I wonder why no one's saying anything; Alice is usually a chatter box by now. I hope that she tells me why she was mad at me that day. Did I do something wrong? If I did I'm going to apologize to her, I could never bring myself to hurt her feelings. I probably should tell her that her lipstick is smudged though, would that be hurting her feelings? I hope not but it does look a bit messy and anything messy is out of place on my perfect, orderly Alice. Wait, did I just refer to her as my Alice? She's not mine, she doesn't belong to anyone. Not like me.' **Thought Roach as he rubbed the raised misshapen 'X' on his back. Alice was blushing and looking down and Fool was looking everywhere but at him. He was tempted to tell Fool that his shirt was uneven or that he forgot to zip his pants but he wasn't all too sure how people on the outside would take to having the flaws in their appearance pointed out. He decided to tell Fool, if his shirt was uneven and his zipped undone he would have liked Fool or someone else to point it out to him. After all, wasn't it 'Do unto others as you'd have done to you'?

"Foo. (Fool.)" said Roach his voice breaking mid word. Alice giggled a bit, she thought it was funny when his voice broke and Fool looked up at him quickly and Roach could have sworn that he saw just a faint glimmer of fear in Fool's eyes but he quickly dismissed it. Why would Fool be afraid of him?

"Yeah Roach?" asked Fool fearing that somehow Roach knew what had transpired between him and Alice. He unconsciously took a step back without realizing it but luckily either Roach didn't notice or didn't care.

"Zihup ya pahz (Zip up your pants.)" said Roach. He sometimes forgot to write, usually when it was just him, Fool, and Alice because Alice could understand him so he wasn't used to writing around her. Fool gave him a questioning look before he got the jist of it and quickly zipped his pants but not before Alice could giggle a bit. She found her friends to be very funny; it was one of the things she liked best about both of them.

"Hey Roach, could I please have a glass of water or something?" asked Alice being as polite as can be. She was always polite, even to her friends, because that was what good girls did. If she could be a very good girl, the best girl she had ever been, then maybe, just maybe, she could pretend that she had never done all of those bad things. She had a feeling that it wouldn't be too hard to be a good girl at her home, her parents were almost never around and her father had said that she could do whatever she wanted and she had a feeling that they weren't trying to trick or test her.

"Yeah, c'mon." said Roach as he motioned for them to follow him. Alice looked around his home as she was lead from the door, past the seldom used dining room, across the hallway cluttered with toys, shoes, and family pictures, through the cluttered living room, and into the small kitchen. She wondered why Roach's house was so messy and unorganized and why it was so much smaller than her house. Her house had a few more rooms that she had found but those were full of things that weren't in use and her house was immaculate thanks to her efforts and there was very little in her house besides the bedrooms that suggest that the family that lived there had any children. Roach's house was small and messy but it also had a feel that she could only describe as lived in, like it was OK to touch things and leave her shoes wherever she wanted. It wasn't like she didn't like her house because she loved it more than the place she had grown up in, but she sometimes caught herself loving Roach's house just a tiny bit more. Not that she'd ever admit that, that would have been something and ungrateful brat would do, something that would be best fitting a very bad girl and she was trying her best to be a very good girl.

"You got anything to eat? I'm starving." Said Fool who hadn't eaten since breakfast and the long walk had taken quite a bit out of him. Roach gave him a look before nodding. He hated it when people used the 'I'm starving' expression. They never knew what starving really was.

"Roach doesn't like it when people say that if they aren't actually starving." Said Alice quietly as she sat down at Roach's kitchen table.

"Sorry, Roach." Said Fool as Roach began to rummage through the cupboards and began to put various non-perishable food items down on the table. Amanda gave him a look but then went back to trying to thaw an identifiable piece of meat. Roach made an OK sign with his finger and gave both Fool and Alice a can of pop.

"Um…could you please…uhh." Stuttered Alice as she fiddled with the pop top on her can. Roach usually did that for her. Fool sat down too and took the can from her. He popped the top and she thanked him as some more crackers were placed in front of them. Roach looked happy with the amount of food placed in front of them and sat down too. It was mostly crackers and jams, some of his favorite things in the world to eat since they both lasted a long time and he could taste them. Not that crackers really had much of a taste. Fool ate slowly as Roach and Alice both went into a jar of jam with spoons; he noticed something that looked almost like tension between them. It was like they both had something to say to the other person but neither one of them was saying anything.

"Please put it on toast or something." Said Amanda who had been watching the scene with interest. Even though she was quite a busy woman running a house full of children on her husbands moderate salary and her limited patience she still enjoyed spending time with and observing her son. It was a bit like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde the way he'd be happy and almost normal one day and be a complete wreck the next or how he seemed so happy for the first part of his time at home but then he began a bit of a downward spiral that Amanda watched so remorsefully because she knew that she was the cause of it. She lived for days like the one he was having; he was happy, smiling, and generally full of life. It was days like that that made her almost forget the horrible life he led for most of his life.

"I'm sorry." Said Alice as she began to spread it on a cracker with a spoon that was left on the table. Roach made an OK sign with his finger and dipped his cracker into the jam. Fool didn't quite understand how they could eat like that but then again Roach didn't have most of his tongue. They ate like that in a silence that was only broken when Amanda would chisel more of the solid ice on the block of meat she was attempting to thaw quickly. She knew it would taste horrible but it was her way of punishing her children, more specifically Donna. She loved Dona with all her heart but she didn't understand why she just couldn't leave the past where it was; the past.

"That's my spot and that's my spoon!" said Morgan loudly as he came down the stairs to get something to eat. He didn't like the fact that Alice was using his spoon and Fool was in his spot; those things were his and he was quite a bit territorial.

"Sorry, Roach's little brother." Said Alice as she did what Roach did. Roach gave Morgan a glare as Alice got her hand covered in sticky jam, he knew how she hated getting dirty. He liked his little brother because he had to but sometimes he didn't even know how he and Morgan could both share the same two parents. Actually, they might not have; their father was a busy man in the late seventies/early eighties after all.

"It's Morgan." Said Morgan snappily. He liked Alice, she wasn't exactly hard on the eyes, but he hated it when she referred to him as 'Roach's little brother' almost as much as Trysta hated it when she was referred to as 'Roach's little sister'. They never told that to her face though, they were on strict orders to be nice to their brother and his friends.

"Morgan we have ten spoons and seven seats, take your pick." Said Amanda as she began to boil some water. Roach and Alice knew what was coming, Morgan was going to get into a verbal battle with his mother. It almost always started like that and they both found it scary but entertaining that someone so young could speak evil and still keep his tongue and dignity.

"Sorry mom, can I watch TV?" asked Morgan as he helped himself to some of the crackers that Fool was eating. Fool gave him a look and Morgan stuck his tongue out at him.

"Here we go again." Said Trysta from the doorway as she watched with mild interest. She was actually there to watch her older brother, not that she'd ever tell him that. She still had a bit of a crush on him even though logic dictated that it was wrong and she had no chance. She was a bit childish in that way but she in all honesty didn't really care all that much.

"No Morgan." Said Amanda tiredly like she had had this conversation many times before which she did. Roach rolled his eyes, Morgan must have asked twenty times a day and Roach wondered why he didn't just give up already.

"But it's good for me!" said Morgan loudly and stomping his feet like the child he was. Alice felt a bit of fear for Morgan even though she didn't know him all that well. She knew that what was done to her and Roach wasn't done on the outside but she still felt the occasional twinge of fear for herself and others.

"You really should drop it Morgan, I'm never saying 'yes'." Said Amanda with her back to him still working. Alice watched with interest while Roach and Fool watched with boredom. She didn't understand why children so blatantly defied their parents like that, maybe it had something to do with the fact that there didn't seem to be as much punishment on the outside.

"What if I hold my breath and bang my head on the coffee table?" said Morgan who hoped that his mother didn't call his bluff on that one. He had only done that once before and had woken up in a hospital room. Roach rolled his eyes, he knew that his brother wasn't that stupid and Alice gave him the strangest look. Was this how children acted when they didn't get what they wanted? The outside world was a very confusing place.

"We both know that you're not going to do that, Morgan." Said Amanda boredly from the kitchen. She had been having similar conversations with her youngest son in the past and was quite used to them.

"I will! I'm not kidding!" said Morgan as he walked over to the coffee table. Roach gave him a long look, sometime he just didn't understand why his brother insisted on challenging their mother. He wondered if he did that because of a lack of fear of being punished. Or maybe he was just a little jerk that swam on the opposite side of the gene pool from him. He led them to the couch to sit down and watch the show that Morgan was putting on, they all found it rather entertaining.

"There's the coffee table right in front of you, just tell me when to call 911." Said Amanda who feared that he might not have been bluffing but was too proud to act on that fear. Morgan held his breath and was about to bang his head on the coffee table but Roach caught his head just in time and with surprising strength. Morgan knew what the look in his brother's eyes meant at that moment; don't you dare. Roach was entertain by the back and forth his mother and brother had just had but he really didn't want to see the little guy hurt himself. They looked at each other for a moment before Morgan gave up and let out a huffy breath.

"You just don't want your girlfriend to get blood on her dress." Said Morgan angrily but he didn't move from where he stood between the couch and the coffee table.

"Girlfriend?" muttered both Fool and Alice in surprise. They both looked at Roach who had turned an interesting shade of red at his younger brother's insinuation and fumbled for his tiny notebook.

'_She is NOT my girlfriend!!!!!! She is my FRIEND who is a girl!!!'_ Wrote Roach quickly. Morgan read it aloud and Roach could have sworn that he heard a sign or relief and a sigh of disappointment but decided that it was all in his head.

"What's going on? I don't hear banging?" said Amanda still working in the kitchen. She knew he was bluffing.

"Saint David stopped me because he doesn't want his girlfriend, excuse me, his friend who is a girl to get blood on her dress." Said Morgan sarcastically. Roach gritted his teeth, sometimes he swore that Morgan got some kind of pleasure from working his last nerve. Alice laughed a bit but stifled it quickly, she didn't think that it was OK to laugh at someone else's expense. She felt a bit bad about not being considered a girlfriend by Roach and was confused because before she had absolutely no problem with being his friend who was a girl. Fool was relieved because he knew from personal experience exactly how strong Roach was and he didn't really seem like the type that would take having his girlfriend like another guy. That didn't mean that Roach didn't like Alice though but he hoped that he didn't.

"Good boy, David. Morgan, go up to your room!" said Amanda fed up with her youngest son. Roach smiled his big, toothy smile when his mother called him 'good boy'. He liked to be called a good boy even though he was a bad boy because he tried his best to be a good boy but he never go the badness out of himself no matter how much he hit and burned and boiled himself. Fool scooted away from Roach a bit, his smile unnerved him. Alice smiled too, she was happy when Roach was happy and Roach was happy when she was happy. They liked to be happy together.

"Fine! I'm going!" said Morgan who walked over to the stairs and just stomped on the bottom stair a few times before running silently back to the couch and sitting between Fool and Alice. Roach gave him a look and Morgan gave him one back before putting his finger to his lips in a 'be quiet' motion. Roach crossed his arms and sighed; children were impossible. Well, maybe just boy children. He vowed to have as many daughters as possible if he ever had children to avoid things of that nature.

"Watch it!" said Fool as Morgan sprawled himself out on the couch and kicked Fool in the face with his ripped blue socks. Morgan stuck out his tongue and began to flip the TV channels. Alice didn't want to get involved but Fool looked like he was going to say something but a look from Roach took that idea out of his head. Roach wasn't in the mood to fight with Morgan at the moment.

"Yoo are suh lukee yoo heven goh bwotuhs.(You are so lucky you haven't got brothers.)" whispered Roach to Alice.

"I think that I'd like to have a brother, yours is kinda funny." Said Alice as she kicked her shoes off and turned the Polaroid camera that she carried around with her on.

"Heez fuheer wheh heez quite.(He's funnier when he's quiet.)" said Roach to Alice as she snapped a picture of Morgan as he kicked Fool a few times to move over. Alice giggled a bit and tried to shift away from Roach so that she could have more room, she was getting squsjed between Roach and the end of the couch as Morgan decided that he needed even more room. He didn't mean to be a jerk but it was his house after all. Roach noticed and went to sit on the floor by her legs to give her some room and she looked gratefully at him. Fool crossed his arms, Morgan was really starting to annoy him as he continued to kick and turned the volume up. Everyone stared at the TV and Fool even asked Morgan to change it a few times, he wasn't really a fan of cartoons, but Morgan either didn't hear him or wasn't listening. Roach suspected that he wasn't listening; Morgan never listened to anyone. After a while Fool had to go to the bathroom so he got up but he tripped into Roach after taking his first step. Three things happened in that brief moment. The first thing was that Fool had ripped a hole in his shirt on the sharp edge of the dilapidated coffee table. The second thing was that Fool ended up falling onto Roach and he didn't exactly fall into the best position. His hands lay on Roach's shoulders, his chest lay against Roach's so that only two thin layers of cotton separated Roach's bony and slightly built chest from Fool's childish one not yet touched by puberty and his lips rested gently on the Roach's lips in what looked like a rather chaste kiss. The third one was that Alice decided to take a Polaroid of the event and looked confused and a bit hurt. She knew it was only an accident but she still felt a bit betrayed but she couldn't tell who it was she felt betrayed by. She was jealous of both of them and also quite confused; she didn't know that boys could kiss other boys. Morgan began t laughing loudly and kicking the side of the couch as Roach and Fool just laid there in shock and severe disgust on Roach's part. He didn't like boys, well not like that anyway. He felt like throwing up as he felt Fool's lips resting against his but for some reason he found himself unable to move from his current position. Fool felt weird but not disgusted like Roach. It was strange kissing another boy but not as horrible as it was for Roach. Actually it felt good, a bit like kissing Alice. That thought sent a wave of fear all through out Fool as his eyes widened and he got up so quickly he knocked the coffee table over.

"Foo! Whah da hell?!(Fool! What the hell?!" yelled Roach still on the floor. Alice gave them both a long look and Morgan was laughing so hard he was beginning to change colors.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't-I wasn't-Oh God!" said Fool as he wiped his mouth off. Roach began to spit onto the floor and Alice began to shake her Polaroid of the event so that it would develop faster. All of the screaming and laughing got Amanda's attention and she rushed in from the kitchen wondering what was going on. She looked ay Morgan and knew that it involved him; it almost always did. She wordlessly took Morgan by the back of his shirt and marched him upstairs wishing that she had a more obedient son. Roach continued to spit onto the floor and began to feel the bile rising to the top of his throat. He had made a vow to himself to never do anything with another boy again after escaping and Fool just kissed him. Well, it was an accident but that didn't change the fact that their lips came into contact.

'**Oh my God! Oh Lord! Sweet Jesus I just kissed another boy! I kissed him! A boy! Never again! I said that I never do anything with another boy again and now this happens! Well, I didn't get him off but that was still something that's reserved for a boy and a girl! Does Fool like boys? That was an accident but he could have pulled away as soon as out mouths made contact and he didn't. Does Fool feel like that for me? Oh God! I'd rather sleep with Messenger than have Fool feel like that for me! I think I'm gonna throw up!' **Thought Roach as he raced for his bathroom. Alice looked concerned and followed Roach up the stairs not realizing that she had left the Polaroid she took on the coffee table. Retching could be heard as well as Alice telling Roach it was alright. Fool stood awkwardly in Roach's living room.

'**What the hell is he doin'? Is he throwin' up?! Jesus Roach it wasn't that bad! Actually it was kinda nice, like when I first kissed Alice. No! I CAN'T BE THINKIN' LIKE THIS! I like girls! I think about girls! I jack off to playboys! I'm straight God damn it! I'M NOT GAY! I gotta-I gotta. I gotta go get a glass of water to calm down.' **Thought Fool as he made his way to Roach's kitchen ignoring the retching from Roach, the words of sympathy from Alice, or the scolding of Roach's mother as she scolded Morgan for not listening that could be heard through the think ceiling. He got a blue cup and filled it to the top with ice water not noticing the other person in the room.

"That's David's cup you know, he doesn't like people touching his things with out asking." Said Trysta in a dry, dull voice she used when she was feeling particularly sad or just numb. Trysta felt a bit numb that day; not in the bad way, just the uncaring way.

"Sorry, Trysta." Said Fool as he rinsed the blue cup out and got a black one with UFOs on it. He didn't know Trysta too well but he found her to be the most tolerable or Roach's siblings.

"Whatever. Oh, that's Dot's cup you're using but she won't mind. The little freak went off to do something involving the fire works she found under Morgan's bed." Said Trysta sitting at the table with a bowl of ice-cream.

"Fireworks?" asked Fool in a do-I-really-want-to-know tone of voice. Trysta licked her spoon in a way that made Fool cringe so she did it again just to make him cringe. She liked to annoy people sometimes like Morgan, they were twins after all.

"Don't ask. Hey, what's with you? You look like shit, Fool. What was all that yelling about earlier? It woke me up from a very pleasant nap. That's the only time I actually get some sleep around here not that Mr. Night terrors moved back in. He actually screams in his sleep sometimes. I get why he does it but still." Said Trysta finishing her ice cream and taking the empty bowl past Fool to the leaky sink.

"You don't wanna know." Said Fool as he looked Trysta over. She was a girl. She looked to be about his age and she was a girl. Well, more or less his age but it was kinda hard to tell with girls. He then had an idea but there was the matter of age that needed attending to.

"That bad huh? Well, I'll have to ask Alice, she'll tell you anything if you ask." Said Trysta as she went past Fool to go get some soda from the fridge but Fool stopped her before she could get there.

"Hey Trysta, how old are you?" asked Fool as he looked her up and down. If she had any chest or hips to speak of they were hidden well under a baggy T-shirt and pair of shorts.

"Twelve." Said Trysta telling a bit of a lie. She knew what it meant when a boy looked at her like that and she liked it for some reason. She wasn't all to interested in boys since the fiasco with her brother but she liked the male attention for a reason she didn't really understand.

"Really?" asked Fool as he looked her up and down. She didn't look twelve but then again Alice didn't look fourteen and Roach didn't look fifteen either.

"No I'm twenty one, wanna go drinking?" said Trysta sarcastically. She didn't like to not be believed even when she was lying

"Sorry, you don't gotta bite my head off." Said Fool as he took a step closer to her. She really didn't look twelve but what motive would she have to lie to him about her age?

"Whatever." Said Trysta eyeing him curiously. He got closer to her and she wondered if that meant that he was interested, she didn't know much about the opposite sex considering her age.

"Hey, uh…could I try something on you?" asked Fool cautiously as he leaned on the pale white kitchen counter. Trysta looked at him curiously suddenly reminded of a similar event occurring between her and Roach. She had asked if eh ever kissed anyone and said that she needed practice. She wondered if Fool was going to do the same thing.

"Sure, what?" asked Trysta having a pretty good idea of what was going to happen. She was young but not stupid, she knew what was coming as he got so close to her she could feel his breath on her face. Fool felt bad about using her but it was the only way to prove to himself that he wasn't gay. He considered Alice but he thought that it might just mess her up more.

"This." Said Fool as he closed the gap between them. Time stood still for Trysta as she felt his lips against hers. It was the best kiss she had ever gotten; it was the second kiss she had ever gotten. It wasn't a quick peck, it was long and sweet. She put her arms slowly and unsurely around Fool's shoulders as she melted into the close mouthed kiss. Fool was beyond relieved; this felt good. It felt good and right and just great. He was happy because he knew that he wasn't gay but he felt a little bad about using Roach's little sister like that. They stayed like that for about a minute but for Trysta it seemed like a lifetime. A loud retch broke their moment.

"Roach, are you OK?" said Alice as some running could be heard. Fool and Trysta broke apart and looked at each other for a moment; Fool unable to meet Trysta's trusting gaze. There was more retching and then Roach said something unintelligible but Fool caught his name in there. Amanda told them to keep the noise level down as she swept the attic stairs. She knew that her children went up there sometimes and she didn't want them breathing in the dust, mold, and whatever else was up there.

"Roach, I'm sure he didn't mean it, please don't do something horrible to him!" said Alice as some more frantic running could be heard.

"I gotta go." Said Fool simply as he got up and left through the back door. He knew that it was a bad idea to make Roach mad and he was afraid of what he was capable of. Alice had told him that Roach was the only person Daddy was afraid of besides his own parents and that scared Fool. He didn't want to know why Daddy would be afraid of Roach and was afraid to find out the answer. He wondered what Roach would do to him; he seemed to be both extremely angry and extremely disgusted with him. He wanted to tell Roach that he didn't mean to kiss him and that it was all just one big accident but he knew that it was best to give Roach some time to cool off and collect himself.

"See ya." Said Trysta airily as she waved a bit. It was like she was high on some wonderful drug and she didn't ever want to leave this new, happy place she had discovered. The only time she had ever felt better was when she had had her first kiss. She stood looking at the door for a few moments before walking to the couch and sitting there. She was on autopilot and for some strange reason she didn't want to return to reality just yet. She stared at the TV but she didn't watch. She touched her fingers to her lips and smiled just a bit. She was in heaven.

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Trysta was in heaven and Roach was in the seventh circle of hell. He felt like he was going to vomit all of his internal organs as he remembered the way Fool's lips felt against his. It wasn't that he had anything against boys who liked boys, on the contrary, he was friends with one, but to have Fool kiss him was just too much. It was different this time then when Messenger was 'teaching' him the oldest trade there was; it was sex. Sex to Roach was just the act of achieving orgasm but kissing was a show of love. Sow as making love but he wasn't about to associate THAT with Fool. He had thrown up all of the times with Messenger but never like he was throwing up. He threw up until all that was left was bile. It wasn't just the thought of his second best friend wanting to kiss him that was making him sick to his stomach to the point of vomiting; it was the aftermath. He remembered everything. That accidental kiss brought up every memory of every touch to his body, every horrible act he was forced to perform, everything bad sexually that had ever happened to him. It made him sick. He felt almost lie he was being used again when Fool fell on top of him, pinning him to the ground. That was exactly how Boss pinned him when he was feeling kind and decided to take into account his newest slave's pleasure. He threw up a few more times and Alice stood behind him worried for her friends health and well being. She wondered why he was throwing up and crying but she didn't ask, it looked like it would be best to leave him alone. She rubbed his back as he cried a bit more. Sweeping could be heard overhead and Alice supposed that that was the only reason his mother wasn't able to hear him throwing up; he was crying silently.

"Um gohuh doo sumtin howible too Foo.(I'm gonna do something horrible to Fool.)" said Roach as he composed himself enough to begin brushing his teeth. He knew that it was an accident but to him that didn't change that his friend had violated him like that. He had vowed never again and he was going to keep that vow even if it killed him.

"Please don't do something horrible to him!" said Alice panicked as Roach began to swish his mouth out with mouthwash. Roach paid her no mind, she didn't know his reasons and he wasn't about to tell her.

"Are you listening to me?!" asked Alice as he spat the mouthwash out and put some more in. He was going to do something horrible to Fool but first he was going to get the taste of half digested food out of his mouth.

"Uhliss, pees.(Alice, please.)" said Roach in an I-didn't-ask-for-your-input voice. He tried to leave the bathroom but Alice grabbed his arm and turned him towards her.

"Please Roach, don't. If you care about me at all you won't hurt Fool. We owe him our lives." Said Alice quietly. He words both stopped him in his tracks and made him mad. He was mad but he wasn't mad at her, never at her. He was mad at what she said, he saved Fool first. He wanted to hurt Fool but he cared about Alice so he stopped and just looked at her.

"Happy?" asked Roach as he looked at her his eyes still blazing. He wasn't David at that moment, he was Roach. He was Roach and Roach was the type of man that didn't like to be used and always took revenge eventually but Roach also cared deeply about Alice just as David did and that made him just a little less dangerous.

"Yes, I am. Roach, what's the matter? I'm worried about you. **I love you.**'" Said Alice. She though that last part but wanted so desperately to say it, to see his reaction. She wanted to tell him so much at that moment but she stayed quiet; no matter how badly she wanted to say it she was still going to keep it to herself.

"A boyy kiss meh.(A boy kissed me.)" said Roach as he looked down in shame. He didn't want to admit it, not even to himself, but it felt just a bit good. I didn't feel right but it did feel good. I didn't feel as good as when he kissed Alice but it still felt good and that scared him.

"I know, I was there." Said Alice wondering how one little accidental kiss could do so much damage. She looked into his bright, blue eyes and saw so many emotions she couldn't place them all. She saw anger, sadness, confusion, and just a hint of madness that was always there when he got like that. It scared Alice a bit but she knew that he'd never do anything to hurt her; he was her best friend and possibly the father of her child.

"Boyys cehd kiss boyys.(Boys can't kiss boys.)" said Roach in shame as he rubbed his tongue stump against his teeth to get some of the mint flavor off. It may have been a bit too strong for him but it was better than the flavor of his half digested breakfast.

"Why would a boy want to kiss another boy anyway? Not that Fool wanted to kiss you, I think that it was an accident. I thought that boys fell in love with girls so that they could have wives. This is all so very confusing, it makes my head hurt. Hey, didn't the bible say something about that being a sin anyway?" said Alice as she stood nervously by Roach. She thought that she read something about it being a sin but wasn't sure, her memory went in and out. Roach looked at her, she was right about the fact that it had been an accident but that didn't make him feel any less violated. He debated telling her but threw that idea out almost as soon as it popped into his head. He couldn't do that to her, she was just too innocent. She was the embodiment of innocence and purity to him and he wasn't going to take that away from her, he loved her too much to do that to her. He loved her and he could never do that to someone he loved.

"Sum boyys are lyk dah. My fwend Messehguh iz lyk dah. I dunno why buh he iz.(Some boys are like that. My friend Messenger is like that. I don't know why but he is.)" said Roach as he made his way to his room. His shirt had a mixture of mouthwash, toothpaste, and just a bit of his throw up on it and he needed to change it.

"Isn't it a sin? The bible says so, or maybe that was other mother and other father who said that." Said Alice as she followed him. That made Roach stop in his tracks and look her right in the eye. It made him just a bit angry with her that she would still consider them her parents. They beat and cut and burned her and she still loved them? Roach almost wanted to slap her across the face to knock some sense into her but he stopped himself. He was never, ever going to hit a woman no matter how angry she made him.

"I dunno 'bout bybowl dah much sus I sopped lisinin' tuh Momeh 'n Dahee buh I doo know dis; dey ain't ya parehs ah nevuh were!(I don't know about the bible that much since I stopped listening to Mommy and Daddy but I do know this: thyey ain't your parents and they never were!)" said Roach finishing the last part in anger that mad eAlice put a bit of distance between herself and him. He looked at her and felt almost instantly guilty. He pulled her into an embrace and she felt better and just a bit stupid for ever thinking that he would hurt her. She hugged him back and he was happy but he then remembered that mess that was the front of his shirt and made his way to his room. Alice followed and tried to hide her delight as he took off his shirt. Alice was the only person he felt comfortable enough around to show hie back and chest. Alice smiled to herself and looked down as he began to rift through his closet for a shirt that fit him. Since most of his clothes were donated from people that had heard about him but never seen him most of them were the wrong size or colors that Roach wouldn't ever wear even if he was being paid. Blues, greens, reds, and whites he would war but not yellow on most occasions, orange because he hated that color, purple because to him that color didn't belong on boys, and pink for obvious reasons. He settled on a dark blue, almost black, T-shirt just because it was so hot out. Alice was a bit disappointed when he put it on but he didn't notice, his mind was still going a mile a minute. He was confused, angry, scared, violated, and hot all at the same time.

'**Oh my head, this is just too much! Why couldn't Fool and I have bumped heads or why couldn't he have missed me completely? Why?! I don't like boys! I'm not a faggot like Messenger! Besides, if I was I could get a better boy lover than Fool, not that I think of him as a lover or anything of that nature. Right? Right. Oh God, I'm talking to myself! I'm loosing it. I, David Mathias Cullen the fourth am officially loosing my mind as well as my breakfast.' **Thought Roach as he pulled the shirt down over his head, worry stamped across his face. Alice noticed and got up from her spot on his bed and walked over to him. She worried for him like he worried for her and she didn't want to worry for him, she loved him.

"Roach, what's wrong. You cant tell me, I can keep a secret." Said Alice as she stood next to him. Roach looked at her with wide, confused eyes.

'**What do I tell you, Alice? My wonderful, sweet, innocent, trusting Alice. What can I tell you my innocent angel on this horrible earth. What could I possibly tell you? What! I love you more than anyone else on this entire planet but I'm probably not worthy of even a thousandth of your love? I almost liked kissing another boy but I like and think about women. I think about you? I'm a toy for whoever wants me and even a prostitute to the people at the top of our sick society under the stairs? That I'm a slave to the blood son of the man who made our lives hell on earth? That I was the only thing that stood between Daddy and him fucking you like you were one of his rag dolls? That I can still hear your loving voice in my dreams and that every time we kiss it feels like I've died and gone to heaven? Oh God, I wish that I had a Magic 8 ball to tell m these things!' **thought Roach as her fingers laced themselves with his. He wasn't worthy of her, he knew it. She was pure and what was he? He was tarnished, barely a virgin. Barely a human being. He was a cockroach. He was a cockroach and he hated it but at the same time it gave him a sense of security. It was his title and it was hit rock, the only thing rooting him down since his world had been turned upside down. He took his hand from hers and sat on his bed. Alice was confused and sat down next to him as he drew his knees up to his chest wishing for the first time in his life that she's leave him alone.

"Roach, are you alright?" asked Alice as she rested her head on his shoulder. He loved her touch but at the same time felt very unworthy, that kiss from Fool had brought it all back. Everything. He felt like a whore and he wanted to hurt Fool like he had never hurt anyone before but he was also going to listen to Alice and not lay a finger on him.

"Om fihn, weeree.(I'm fine, really.)" said Roach as he looked down as his feet with the misshapen toes and scars and scabs from various injuries; it wasn't exactly easy or safe running through the walls.

"You don't look fine." Said Alice playing with a lock of his hair that had grown down to his ears. She wanted to give him a haircut but it didn't seem like the time or the place to ask him if he wanted one.

"Om juss a lihul confused ryt nuw, awriyt?(I'm just a little confused right now, alright?)" said Roach as Alice played with the hair at the back of his head. She was the only one he let get that close to him and actually touch him. She knew it and touched him whenever he was feeling bad or she wanted to. It was the same for him, she didn't flinch or shy away when he touched her, they trusted each other more than they trusted anyone else in the world.

"Because you kissed Fool and he's a boy and you kissed me and I'm a girl and you liked both of the kisses?" asked Alice quietly as he turned to face her. She was half talking about herself and half about him. She was very confused and suspected that he was as well. They knew each other so well that secrets were getting harder and harder to keep. Even then as she sat there with Roach she could almost feel her every secret being shown to him and he felt the same. Blue eyes older than the person that they were attached to locked onto the innocent doe like brown eyes of the girl who was now not a prisoner of a deranged couple but a prisoner of her own emotions for a moment before Roach delivered his answer in the form of one simple word.

"Yeah." Said Roach quietly as he looked down as his scarred, not as pale hands. He couldn't keep much from Alice, only the things that she didn't understand and it was becoming more and more difficult to keep things from her because she was now understanding more and more.

"Well, think really hard about it and decided which one was better." Said Alice as she placed her delicate, soft hand over his calloused one. Roach did just what she said but he wasn't sure if his kiss with Fool was even a kiss. It was a grey area of his mind like fucking and making love. The same act with so many different meanings behind them. He looked as Alice for a moment and she self consciously brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear as Roach looked at her. It reminded Alice of how Fool looked at her before he kissed and touched her. She wanted Roach to do the same but she knew not to say it out load. She was trying her best to be a good little girl but apparently her best wasn't good enough. Roach with out thinking put his hand on the small of her back and kissed her. It was soft and sweet and just a bit minty and Alice just sat there in shock at first before melting right into him like butter. She put her hands around his shoulders and he put his hands around her waist. They acted purely on instinct and weren't thinking. The only time Roach considered braking the kiss was when Alice's tongue pushed it's self past his lips and against his teeth. Her tongue was there at the entrance of his mouth and begged for entrance. His common sense and libido fought for all of two seconds before his libido won. He forgot it was Alice, forgot it was his room and his mother was just one floor above them, forgot that it was extremely hot outside, and most of all forgot all that had happened to him that day or ever before. It was just him and Alice in each other's arms as their tongue danced in his very minty fresh mouth. Alice didn't want to stop even though she knew that good girls didn't kiss boys who spoke evil or let them touch her but for just one wonderful moment she didn't care about being good or what Mommy and Daddy had taught her. She only cared about him and he only cared about her. They both stayed in their happy little bubble until things began to heat up. Roach's hand went the side of her leg, up her thigh, up her skirt and to the waist band of her underwear before he realized what he was about to do and broke the kiss. He sat straight up while Alice laid on his bed confused about why they had stopped. She was both excited and terrified when she thought of what Roach was going to do to her. So excited she was feeling strange between her legs again. She sat up and sat next to Roach again. That was the last time he was ever going to listen to his libido.

"Roach, did I do something wrong? Why did you stop?" asked Alice as she sat up and fixed her dress. She wanted Roach to keep going but at the same time it scared her to death. She hoped that she didn't do anything wrong to make him stop, she didn't mean to.

"Om sowree.(I'm sorry.)" said Roach simply as he shifted to hide what had happened to him even though he was sure that she could feel it when he was straddling her. He wanted to kick himself for dong that or almost doing that or whatever they were doing. He almost did to her what was done to him in his eyes and it made him sick. He was about to make a break for it and hide in the crawlspace under the kitchen until he could think of a suitable way to apologize to her but then he listened to what she was saying.

"So I didn't do anything wrong?" asked Alice hopefully. Roach looked at her for a long time before nodding yes.

'**She liked it? How could she like it? Wait, she was willing? Willing? So I didn't do to her what Stairmaster did to me? Thank you sweet Jesus! Wait, Alice liked that? Alice doesn't even think about stuff like that let alone like it. Right?' **thought Roach as he shifted in a way to hide his growing erection from her virgin view. He shook his head as if to physically dislodge the thoughts from it. The thought of Alice enjoying something so carnal and un-innocent was just impossible for him to comprehend so he decided not to dwell on it too much.

"I guhuh go.(I gotta go.)" Said Roach quickly feeling a bit bad about leaving her but he had to take care of a little problem before Alice noticed and would probably ask what it was. That was one of the few questions that Roach was never going to answer for her, ever. He made his way to his bathroom and locked the door, he really didn't need to be walked in on, it would be unpleasant for all involved. He quickly got rid of the little seven by three quarter problem as best as he could. He felt a bit guilty about leaving Alice and even worse when he thought about her under him, begging him to go harder and faster. He knew that is was wrong to think of his best friend like that but he couldn't stop, he almost didn't want to stop. When he finished he let out a low moan that no one heard. He was grateful for that, he liked his privacy. After he finished he slumped against the bathroom door and decided to take a minute to think his whole day over.

'**What happened? Today was going semi well but then Fool has to go and-and-and-kiss me! Well, it was an accident and I didn't even like it all that much, not like Alice's kiss. Well, it was oddly pleasant-no! I, David Mathias The Thing Between the Walls Cullen do not like boys! No! Nuhuh! No way! Besides, if I did like other guys like that I could at least get a better guy than Fool. Yeah, someone kinda skinny like me but with darker hair and a bit more muscle. Wait! Where the fucking hell did that come from?! I don't want other boys! I want women! Women with big breast, round hips, heart shaped butts, brown hair, brown eyes, pouty lips, and semi long legs. Oh God, I just described Alice. Well, how I wish Alice looked anyway. Well, it's better to think of Alice than another boy I suppose. Hey, where did she learn to kiss like that? Instinct probably. She wouldn't be kissing another boy, right? Right?! Right. She seems to like kissing though but if she was in love with someone she's tell me. She does tell me everything. Well, almost everything. She still hasn't told me why she was so mad that day. Maybe I did something wrong. It's hard to tell with girls, they're complicated. I better go and see how she's doing though, if she's alright. She said that she liked it but I don't know if she really did. Hey, what's that?' **Thought Roach as he caught a glimpse of himself in the newly but not goodly fixed bathroom mirror. He knew very well what that was. It was a hickey. Alice had given him a hickey. He panicked at first, it was proof of what he and Alice did but luckily it was hidden easily if he put a collared shirt on.

'**Could be worse.'** Thought Roach as he left the bathroom to find a collared shirt in his room. What he saw next made him truly angry at Alice for the first time in his life.

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Just goes to show you that puberty is a drag for anyone. Sorry for the lateness of this update but I had a lot of stuff going on at school. Freshman year sucks. Hope you guys liked it, it's twenty one pages long.


	26. Alice needs to learn about boundaries

Disclaimer: I do not own the People Under the Stairs and if you thought I did you have some serious issues to work through with a licensed therapist.

Alice sat on Roach's bed a bit confused and happy. She was actually quite confused but she was trying not to dwell on it too much, it would only upset her and she didn't want to be upset. She fixed her clothes to be more modest, her bra strap was showing and her skirt was up to her waist. She sighed contentedly as she laid herself back on Roach's bed; that was wonderful. It was the most wonderful kiss she had ever gotten, from Roach anyway. She kept replaying it over and over in her mind like a VHS cassette and each time she did it got a little better. She smiled a little even though she wanted to shout from the roof tops. That had been so intimate and yet so caring but also a bit hurried that Alice wasn't all too sure what to make of it, or what this new found wanting was. She didn't really know why Roach was about to do what he was going to do or why he stopped. She really didn't know why she wanted him to in the first place. She wanted him to strip her down and then-and then-well she didn't know what she wanted to do from there but she suspected that it had something to do with what her real mother told her about. This confused her, why would Roach want to do something like that? Why would she? Why would anybody? The whole thing sounded very painful to her which just added to her confusion. She brought Roach's blanket up to her face and took a deep breath; it smelled just like him. She loved it. The thought of her laying where he slept and having just been kissed and touch by him made the strange feeling between her legs come back. She didn't know what it was or why it happened whenever she thought about Roach but she knew one thing; it couldn't have been how a good girl would feel when she thought about a bad boy, any boy. She stopped and sat straight up, almost getting tangled in his second hand bedding in the process. She was breathing heavily and very wet. Both from a combination of her and Roach's sweat that had been brought on by what had transpired and what she was doing after he left. This scared her and she instantly stood up and looked for something to do. Whenever something bothered or scared her she looked for something to take her mind off of it. She used to sew dolls and now she baked an sewed and made order in her room. She didn't see anything to do in Roach's room; his clothes and toys were all put away and she didn't want to touch his bed again. Maybe there was some dust that needed cleaning under his bed?

'**Well, if there's dust I should probably clean it up for Roach, boys shouldn't have to clean things up. Is Roach a boy or a man? He looks like a man but he's so young. Stop it Alice! You are a good girl and good girls don't think about bad boys who spoke evil and escaped into the walls and have nice, hard muscles and-no! Stop it Alice or you'll burn in hell!' **Thought Alice before she got down on her hands and knees to crawl under Roach's bed. She had barely got under there before she found a box. She knew that Roach kept things under his bed and he didn't like to have people looking through them but curiosity got the best of her. She opened the box and blushed as she saw several Playboy's predating the Regan administration. She moved them and continued looking through Roach's box but stayed ready to shove it back under his bed if he came back. She found the clothes she had made for him all those months ago when he first had his tongue cut out and on impulse too a whiff of them. She liked the way they smelled; they really smelled like the Roach she remembered smelled. They smelled like sweat and dust and several other things that she couldn't place. She cringed as she saw the blood stain and out them back the way she found them. She continued to look through his box and found several pictures of him and Donna as children as well as some recent pictures that either she or his mother had taken of him. What really caught he eye was a simple green notebook. She went against her instinct and listened to the curiosity nagging at her. She opened to a random page and read.

_8-22-91_

_Dear Journal,_

_I'm growing all over the place! Seriously! Not only did I shoot up almost four inches since my escape(thank you God and thank you Fool) but a certain part of me that I like to refer to as Roach J.R. grew too. Really! Seven by three! Not six by three but seven by three! From base to head. Not only that but my hair grew too and not just the ones on my head. It's on my chest now! It's really light and hard to see but it's there! I wonder if Alice noticed. I kinda hope she did but I know that she probably didn't. She doesn't notice stuff like that. Well, that's all for now even though it's almost noon. I hope my day stays this good considering the fact that I grew(and boy did I grow, I'm bigger than Messenger! And I'm not talking height either)I also didn't dream and my mother let me eat jam right out of the jar.(She's such a nice woman.)Well, peace out!_

_-The happily growing boy known as Roach _

Alice was a bit confused by that and decided to turn to a different page. She made a mental note to find out what Roach was talking about but not to reveal how she had come to know that about him.

_8-23-91_

_Dear Journal,_

_I feel like curling up in a little ball and letting death take me to that big cellar of the earth know as hell. I'm nothing. I'm worthless. I'm a cockroach. I'm a whore boy fuck toy to whoever wants me and it makes me sick to the very core of my being. Why am I even alive? Why! I did nothing. I could have escaped but I didn't. I was just too afraid. That's why she doesn't deserve me, she deserves the hero. She deserves him. Wait, I think I hear my mother coming(I love her so much, much more than Mommy. Not that I ever loved Mommy or anything.)Well, gotta go, Prozac awaits._

_-Cockroach, Boss's newest slave boy_

Alice read and reread the passage many times. She didn't know why Roach would write something so horrible about himself. And who did he mean by 'she' and 'hero'? This passage upset Alice as she wiped some tears from her eyes. She quickly flipped backwards to another page, not wanting to look at the words smudged by tears that weren't hers.

_8-12-91_

_Kiss me._

_Kiss me like you mean it._

_Like you love me._

_Hold me._

_Hold me tight._

_While our hearts beat in union._

_Tell me._

_Tell me you love me._

_Because I love you._

_And I'll do the same for you, a hundred times over._

_-The lover boy known as David Mathias Cullen 4th _

Alice felt a burning jealousy as she read that passage. Roach loved someone? How could he love someone?! How?! She loved him and he loved another girl?! She was very angry but then she was happy. It might've been her. He might be in love with her. It did make sense, he did kiss her even when she didn't ask and he lingered sometimes. Well, that and they did go just a bit farther than kissing only a few minutes ago. Alice decided to continue reading to see if she came up again. If he loved her than she'd tell him how she felt. Wait, she loved Fool too. She felt a cold, metallic fear creep into her. She'd have to choose and she didn't know who to choose. She loved them both and they might both love her. She'd end up having to hurt someone's feelings and that was something she didn't want to do, ever. It just wasn't in her nature. She shook her head; she'd have to cross that bridge when she came to it. She flipped the pages randomly until she stopped at a long passage.

_8-17-91_

_I don't remember much about that day and I try not to but I relive it in my dreams. My nightmares. It's the same every time, like a video cassette. First I sit there by the wall of the money room in the cellar minding my own business and steering clear of the other boys(They did and still do scare me but not as much now.)and then **he**(Stairmaster) comes to me. He always tells me it'll feel good and that I'll enjoy it but I never do and it makes me sick just thinking about it. That was back when I was still the innocent little boy Elmira and Eldon(I refuse to call them Mommy and Daddy and I wish Alice would do the same, they don't deserve names in my opinion.) wanted me to be. First he touches me, like I did to myself sometimes and I cum but as I cum I cry. After that he does something I never had heard of or seen done. He sucks me off surprisingly well for a man who had a wife and a cut out tongue(He was 22 and I was 14 and his tongue wasn't cut out as badly as mine was) but I hate it and I beg him to stop but he takes that as pleas to keep going(It's like he lost his ears instead of his tongue). He then makes me mimic what he did and I beg him to leave me alone. He doesn't like that and he forces my head down so I scream. Of course that just brings some of the other people over to see the show(That was the single most humiliating moment of my life)I cry as I do exactly what he says and I gag as he comes. He then tells me I did a good job and holds me like a lover would. I want to pull of my own skin as he does this. I didn't quite understand what we did or why but I knew that it was bad. That was what really made the ordeal horrible: the fact that I was treated not like a toy(Like Messenger) but like an equal partner( a lover). I fell asleep from the emotional and physical exhaustion(It takes a lot of work to get Stairmaster off and I hadn't eaten in days) when I woke up he was next to me and I had him cum on me(I hope that he didn't fuck me, I don't think that I could deal with that.) Of course on a good night I'll wake up screaming around the beginning of it all but it's still horrible and the worst part is whenever I have this memory dream I can't tell anyone(Well, maybe Donna, she's read my journal already. I almost hate her for it.) so I have to live with it.(If there was real alcohol like Vodka or Scotch I'd drink it down just to forget.) I'd better walk around the house for a bit so I don't fall asleep and relive it again._

_-Stairmaster's favorite toy and lover, cockroach._

Alice was confused. She had no idea what he meant by most of the things he said. She was tempted to ask him but she knew that if she did he'd know that she read his journal and he'd probably get mad at her. She felt bad for him but she didn't know why. She knew that this memory was painful for him by the way he used words and the tears on the page but she had no idea what he meant. She had a feeling that he wanted to keep it that way. Alice heard the doorknob turn and quickly stashed his journal back into the box it came in but it was too late. Roach saw her push the box under the bed and he got mad. He got beyond mad, he was furious. His eyes narrowed and he looked at her like he wanted to kill her. He was shocked and angry and violated. It wasn't as if she didn't know not to go through his things, he had made that quite clear to her quite a bit of time ago. Alice stood up and looked at him, fear showing clearly through her brown innocent brown eyes.

"Roach, I-I'm sorry I l-lo-looked through you-your things but please d-don't-!" Alice didn't get to finish because she broke down in silent sobs. Roach felt all of his anger leave him as quickly as it came. She looked at him like she looked at Daddy when he punished her for doing something bad and it both horrified and made him sick to his stomach.

'**Alice, pleas stop. Please! Don't look at me like that, don't cry! I would never hurt you, you know that. I'm could never be angry at you, maybe at Fool but not you. I'm not Daddy and I never will be. I would never hurt you Alice, my Alice. I love you.' **Thought Roach as he walked up to her. Alice feared the worst but was prepared to take whatever punishment she was given. She had been a bad girl to look through his things and she had to be punished. She knew that Roach had never hurt her and he probably wouldn't but he had never been angry at her before. She feared the worst as his arms wrapped themselves around her and pulled her into his embrace. If Alice hadn't been so worked up she would have blushed as her head came into contact with his slightly built chest. He began to tell her that it was alright and that he would never, ever do anything to hurt. He almost told her he loved her but he caught himself just in time. They stayed that way for a while, her head to his chest and his head buried in the strawberry scent that was her hair. She used to smell like industrial grade soap and fear but now she smelled like a field of strawberries; he loved it.

"David and Alice sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage!" said Dottie loudly, her newly washed hair making dripping noises as it dripped onto the hardwood floor. Alice but her hand to her stomac at the baby part but Roach didn't notice. Roach and Alice broke apart and Roach motioned for Dottie to go away. She walked away laughing loudly just as Amanda Cullen came down from the attic covered in dust. She looked at the puddles on the floor and muttered something about her kids being the death of her. She looked at Roach and Alice and cocked an eyebrow. She had heard what Dot said and they were both blushing so she assumed that Dot had caught them at least kissing. She had her suspicions about the two of them and she wanted her son to be happy but she also wanted to go back to the days when girls were icky and had cooties.

"If you kids are hungry we got food, it's lunchtime anyway ya know." Said Amanda as she put the broom away in the upstairs closet, nearly getting hit by a falling bowling ball. She decided to let them have their privacy but she was going to break them up as soon as she heard bedsprings creaking. That was something that she was not going to have in her house while she was present. Roach and Alice blushed a bit before heading downstairs but not before Morgan could moth the word 'homo' at him. He gave him the finger and told Alice not to imitate him. She listened and allowed him to lead her to the kitchen. Roach made them both peanut butter and apricot jam sandwiches much to Amanda's disgust. They ate in silence only occasionally looking at one another.

'**I wonder what the inside of his mouth tastes like now. I know that it's wrong to have these thoughts because I'm a good girl but I can't stop. Does he think about me like I think about him? I hope he does. I hope that I'm the girl he was writing about in his journal. I wonder what the last thing was about. What a 'lover' and why didn't Roach want to be this 'Stairmaster' person's lover? And what's 'cum' mean. I suppose that's it's one of those things I'll have to find out on my own, or ask Debbie about. This is actually kinda good when you get used to it.' **Thought Alice as she at her sandwich slowly while looking at Roach and the near man he had become. She wished that he'd pull himself up in the doorway so she could see him without his shirt on. She loved the way he looked, lean not skinny. She especially loved the light and thin hairs that covered his arms, legs, and chest. She wondered if Fool looked like that too or if every boy looked like that. She finished her sandwich quickly so that she wouldn't have to look at Roach any longer; she was beginning to feel funny again.

'**Man, she must really like peanut butter and apricot jam. I've never seen her eat an un-timed meal so fast. Why is she looking at me like that? That almost looks like the look I give attractive women sometimes. Could she-nah! She doesn't think about stuff like that. Well back at my bedroom she did stick her tongue in my mouth, that was a lover's kiss. Nope, she didn't know what she was doing and I shouldn't have given in. Wow, she's almost finished. I better hurry up, maybe we can watch cartoons? She lied cartoons, right? I know she does. But maybe she only likes them because I like them. I've gotta stop thinking like this; I'm way to quick to please. Wait, why do is suddenly assume that she can't think about me like that? She does look older after all with her round hips and butt and perky-oh God I'm thinking about her again. Ok, I've got to stop thinking. This is me not thinking. Oh shit, I'm still thinking. Alright, this is me not thinking and this is me finishing my lunch,' **thought Roach as he ate quickly to catch up with Alice, gagging a little as he ate. It was a bit difficult for him to eat without a tongue and he stifled a laugh at the face his mother was making as some food fell from his mouth and onto his shirt. Alice had a bit of peanut butter on her lips and he stifled the urge to kiss her to get it off like he had seen in a movie. He shook his head; he was going to have to stop having these thought about his best friend. He almost wished that he wasn't in love with her but then he realized that he was feeling lust at the moment and almost gasped; it felt a a bit wrong to him to associate something like lust with his best friend and first love.

'**This is me washing the plates and not thinking about Alice or how she'd look dressed in a thin, red silk night gown so short and almost clear that-no, this is me not thinking!' **Thought Roach as he began to rinse off the plates as Alice made her way to the living room. He was no longer angry at her or Fool; he had strange mood swings like that. His mother gave him a knowing look and he blushed; he did not like thnking that his mother knew what was on his mind. Amanda had a good idea of what her son was thinking about as he looked at Alice nervously; he was a teenage boy after all.

'**Alright,** **this is me following Alice to the T.V., nothing strange about that and I am not thinking about my lips pressed against hers and her tongue going into my waiting and willing mouth. I am not thinking about this because Alice doesn't think about things like that. Well, she did give me a lover's kiss but maybe she doesn't know what she was doing! Yes, she didn't know!' **Thought Roach as he sat back and watched Tom and Jerry fight like only cartoons could. He and Alice laughed a bit at the gratuitous violence and he wondered why Trysta who was sitting a bit farther away from them wasn't laughing, she was just sitting there smiling at something. Roach decided not to think to much about that; girls and small children confused him and Trysta was both. Well, she wasn't a small child but she was a child none the less.

'**This is me not thinking about Alice and this is me sitting in very close proximity to Alice. So close I can almost see down her dress, not that it's anything I haven't seen before on her or any other girl. Not that I was looking at her through her vent to get off or anything; I was curious if that was how all girls looked.' **Thought Roach as Alice moved a bit closer to him. She was feeling tired and wanted to lean on something or someone and Roach just happened to be that someone. Not that he minded ut it was making him feel strange. It was making her feel strange again but she decided that it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, it just made her do rather unpleasant things. She wondered if then was the time to tell Roach that she might have been bearing his child. Would Roach make a good father to their baby if there even was a baby? She hoped that he acted more like his father or her real father than like Daddy who she now referred to as 'other father. She hoped that she acted more like her real mother than Mommy who she now referred to as 'other mother'. She yawned a bit and rested her head on his shoulder. She hadn't slept well the previous night due to a reoccurring nightmare involving dolls with souls and boys without eyes, tongues, and ears coming to her and killing her while Mommy and Daddy watched. She didn't tell Roach about it though, she didn't want to upset him.

'**Alright I'm beginning to think about Alice like that again and I have to stop before I get hard and Alice will most definitely ask about it and I am not going to explain it to her. Ok, and this is me not caring that Alice who now looks very tired is leaning on me and this is me yawning because I feel pretty tired myself and this is me resting my head on the side of the couch and this is me not caring that Trysta is smiling more than normal and just shot Alice a dirty look before leaving and this is me not caring that Alice's head is currently resting on my lap and this is me not caring that I'm both getting hard and falling asleep and this is me falling asleep. So much for not thinking.' **Thought Roach as he fell asleep from the exhaustion of the day both due to insomnia and what had transpired that day. They slept like that until dinner time with nobody disturbing them and that was how they liked it.

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"Jesus!" said David Sr. loudly as he returned from another hard day of working for his father. If he thought he got a shock from seeing the state of his driveway he didn't know what a real shock was until he saw the state that Roach and Alice were in. He was half asleep with exhaustion but what he saw when he walked in the door woke him up better than coffee. Several things ran through his mind when he saw Alice's head on Roach's lap, none of them pleasant. Amanda shushed him and motioned for him to come into the kitchen, he followed her with wide eyes.

"They're asleep, I don't like it any better than you do but at least he's actually getting some sleep." Said Amanda as she added water to a boiling pot.

"That doesn't look like sleep." Said David Sr. sitting down and having a cup of coffee. He swore that he was about to have a heart attack but he was also proud of his oldest son, at least he found a girl willing to be that close to him. He knew that they were close and he didn't really want to think about how far their relationship went; he didn't want to know about the sex lives of any of his children.

"Well David, it is. Besides, he probably doesn't think about what we're thinking he thinks about with her." Said Amanda nervously. She had found the Polaroid's that Alice took that day including the one of the accidental kiss between Roach and Fool. She had to accept her son for who he was even if he was gay or more likely bi. She had seen him and Alice kiss before and she hoped that he wasn't forcing himself to be heterosexual; she hoped that he truly cared about her and that he could give her some grandchildren when e got older.

"He's a fifteen year old boy Amanda, his mind's only on one thing and it's currently sleeping on his lap. I'm gonna have to teach that by about privacy before we end up walking in on him like your mother did on us. That wasn't pleasant for anyone involved." Said David Sr. as he sipped his coffee idly. He didn't like how his wife seemed to think that their son was still five years old. He caught himself thinking that too but then he remembered that the year was 1991 not 1981 and his son was fifteen.

"Maybe not the only thing." Said Amanda nervously. She thought that it was better that her husband learn this from her and not by walking in on her son and that other boy. He didn't seem gay to her but then again he was a pretty strange boy.

"What are you getting at, Amanda?" said David Sr. not quite liking the tone of his wife's voice when she said that. Amanda took the meat out of the pot before resting her hand on the Polaroid in her pocket. This was going to be more difficult than when she told him that she was putting Donna on the pill.

"Well, you know that movie 'Blue Lagoon'?" said Amanda as she sat across from him. He cocked an eyebrow before nodding 'yes'. He was getting the feeling that it wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.

"Well, those kids only had each other and were basically children in adult bodies. See, that almost mirrors David's situation because apparently those people want him, that Alice girl, and the other boys and girls they stole to be eternal children as far as I know." Said Amanda twisting a sock that was on the table nervously as she paused a bit. David Sr. did not like where the conversation was going but in a way he did. He assumed that his son and Alice were caught making love by his wife and he was proud of the boy. If he, with out a tongue and being covered in a series of scars which were disturbing by most standards, could find a girl than he was the proudest father there ever was. He did not look forward to having to explain safe sex though but he knew that it was a bridge that he was going to have to cross to keep his son from marching down to the isle to the barrel of a shot gun like he had to. That did not make for a good wedding picture.

"Get to the point Amanda, I don't have all day." Said David Sr. boredly as he tapped his foot impatiently. He had seen glaciers move faster than that conversation.

"Well, you and I both know that he knows about sex and since I'm betting that the Robeson's didn't teach him anything so un-childlike he must have figured it out for himself. Now, I'm guessing that the O'Dell girl didn't help him learn anything since I actually heard her ask him where babies came from once so there was only one other way for him to learn." Finished Amanda quietly. David Sr. turned paler than his sun light deprived oldest son; he hoped to God that his wife wasn't getting at what he thought she was getting at.

"Amanda, what are you getting at? So better not be getting at what I think you're getting at." Said David Sr. quietly in a controlled voice like he was talking about the weather. Amanda looked down at the blue tablecloth and bit her lower lip. She would have taken tell her husband that she was pregnant with Siamese twins above telling him that their oldest child might be gay.

"You know that Alice likes to take an insane amout of pictures, right? Well, she took a picture of our son and that little black boy he's friends with in a rather compromising position. Well, I think they might be more than friends." Said Amanda nervously as she took the Polaroid out of her front pocket and kept it flipped over. She didn't know how her husband would react as he turned several shades of red. She almost thought that he was going to turn into the incredible Hulk or something as he gripped the edges of the table.

"I hope to God that you mean him and Alice or Alice and the other boy." Said David Sr. through clenched teeth. He could have sworn that he was having a heart attack as several scenarios went through his mind, none of them pleasant. It wasn't that he had anything against gay people, what they did behind closed doors was their business, but he just didn't want his oldest son who shared his name to be one of them.

"Well, he might be bi sexual because I have seen him and her kiss and I think I heard bedsprings creaking earlier today but I'm not sure, I was sweeping pretty loudly. But he might not even be gay because it might just sex to him and –" started Amanda trying to be optimistic. David Sr. looked at her for a long time and was breathing deeply to try and calm himself down.

"Amanda, I'm going to get up. After I get up I am going to leave this room and when I come back you better have a defined answer for me or I'm sleeping on the couch." Said David Sr. as he did just that. His head was pounding and his mouth was so dry his tongue was sticking to his teeth. Post traumatic stress disorder he could deal with, muteness he could deal with, he could even deal with the fact that his son seemed to have lost his mind at times with the self harming and the clinginess but homosexuality was something that David Sr. knew that he couldn't deal with. Hell, he could deal with rape better than he could deal with that. He walked into the living room to give Amanda some time to give him a good answer that she was sure of and he looked at his son. He didn't look gay but then again a lot of things about his son were strange. He walked back into the kitchen to find Amanda standing by the door waiting for him, a Polaroid photograph in her right hand.

"That girl really needs to hold onto her pictures better." Said Amanda simply as she set everyone a place, including Alice who she suspected would be staying for dinner. David Sr. looked at the Polaroid and blinked a few times. He turned beet red and then pale white and Amanda readied herself by the phone incase she had to dial 9-1-1.

"I'll be in my model room also known as the garage. Call me when dinner's ready." Said David Sr. emotionlessly. He turned and left out the back door and made his way to his garage to build a toothpick model of Mount Rushmore. He was in a state of shock as he acted purely on auto pilot, gluing and stacking. Every time something put a particularly large amount of stress on him he built another complicated model. He was up to seven thousand and thirty five. He led a very stressful life.

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Loud banging on the front door was what finally woke Roach and Alice up. They looked at each other still half asleep before Roach went to open the front door. Debbie continued to bang loudly until she hit Roach in the head. It didn't really bother him that much though; he had felt much worse pain in his fifteen years of life.

"Is my sister over here?!" asked Debbie in a panicked voice. Her parents were truly angry with her for the first time in a very long time. They had gotten ticked at her a few tomes but this was true anger. She couldn't believe that she had lost her sister but she was happy that she at least had a pretty good idea of where she would be.

"Hi Debbie." Said Alice as she walked into the front hallway. Debbie took a look at her rumpled hair and clothes and then took a look at Roach's equally disheveled appearance and blushed a deep red. She thought that she had interrupted something but in a way she was glad that she did. Her parents would kill her if she came home while under her watch with her sister carrying the next Cullen child.

"Thank God! Mom's worried sick, I was even worried. C'mon, it's dinner time anyway." Said Debbie leading her out the door as Alice tried to put her shoes back on. Roach was sad to see her go but he was also in a way grateful, he was half hard and his pants were only a bit baggie. He waved 'goodbye' to her and she blew him a kiss. Roach blushed before slowly closing the door. His heart was beating so fast he could hear it. He thought for one moment that that wasn't just an innocently blown kiss but something a girlfriend would give to her boyfriend. He then shook his head; that was crazy. Alice didn't like him like that, right? His mother called everyone to dinner and he went to his place at the table. Donna began to record him as he grimaced at the unidentifiable piece of meat in front of him but then remembered that he had eaten worse things before, like rats. The meal commenced a little less than normal. Morgan was still cracking up and mouthing things that questioned Roach's sexual preference and Trysta was still smiling like she was stuck like that. Dot looked clean for once in her life and his mother kept sending glances his way. He was used to people looking at hi and paid her no mind as he mixed his meat in with his creamed corn to give it flavor. He ate slowly and self consciously; whenever he ate it got everywhere but his mouth and he chocked sometimes. His father came in sometime later looking almost like a zombie. He didn't complain about the food like the others did, he didn't even glance at it as he began to eat. Roach found this strange and decided to follow his father around that night to see if eh could figure out what was on his mind. He was good at following people, he was used to it. He finished his meal with his father looking at him. He rubbed the back of his neck self consciously as he washed his plate. He didn't feel like watching television since the news came on at that time and he really didn't need to be reminded of Mommy and Daddy and the people under the stairs. He was a bit curious about how Messenger was doing though but not enough to jog his memory of that horrible time in his life.

"David, c'mere for a minute." Said David Sr. as Roach began to climb the stairs to his room. Roach looked at his father like he looked at Daddy for a moment before remembering that he wasn't at the house anymore, he was home and with his real family that loved him very much even if they were a bit annoying. David Sr. caught that look and looked at his son in sympathy but he felt a burning rage for Eldon Robeson. That was a look that no son should ever give his father, ever.

"Yeah?" asked Roach quietly as he was lead to the garage. He hadn't seen the inside of the garage that many times, it was his father's space and he respected that. He didn't understand what was so interesting about that place anyway, it was just boxes and shelves full of tiny toothpick models.

"Sit down." Said David Sr. as he motioned to a stool. Roach felt himself getting sweaty from fear and nervousness even though he tried to calm himself down. He kept reminding himself that nothing bad was going to happen but his body wasn't listening as his muscles tensed up. David Sr. noticed and sat down too to put his son at ease. It helped but only a bit.

'_Why am I here?' _wrote Roach his handwriting slightly illegible because his hand was shaking. He hated the feeling of being afraid but he knew that there was nothing that he could do to stop it, it was out of his control and he hated it. David Sr. read the note and took in a deep, shaky breath. He could think of twenty other conversations he would have rather had been having with his son that didn't involve putting anyone's sexuality into question. Twenty five when he really thought about it.

"Well you see…uhh…hey, is that a hickey?" said David Sr. noticing the red mark on his son's neck. Roach pulled the neckline of his T-shirt up, he didn't have time to change into a collared shirt because of what he caught Alice doing. He blushed and looked down at the cockroaches running across the concrete floor, he suddenly wished that he was really one of them so he could disappear within the cracks of the floor with them.

"I know that's a hickey David Jr., I've had and given enough to know." Said David Sr. fearing that the hickey on his son's neck was the result of an occurrence between him and the other boy. He went pale when he remembered Amanda had said about bedsprings; that was on his list of things he couldn't deal with. Roach gave him a pleading look that clearly said 'drop it' but David Sr. wasn't going to drop it.

"Who gave that to you? David Jr., don't dare try and lie to me, you can't get anything past me. Nobody can and no one ever has." Said David Sr. as Dot walked behind him with a can of paint and a paint roller but he didn't notice her. Roach shrunk under his gaze, he decided not to tell his father about what had transpired between him and Alice. It was very private and he was uncomfortable even remembering it. He took his son's embarrassment as confirmation of his worst fear. He suddenly began to blame himself for what he thought his son was but he vowed to do everything with in his power to make his son normal even if it killed him.

"The look on your face is enough answer for me, you really should get rid of the evidence you know, then we wouldn't be having these conversations." Said David Sr. Before Roach could ask what he meant David Sr. handed Roach the Polaroid of what transpired between him and Fool that morning. Roach's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped giving his father a very good view of his tongue stump. Roach began to rapidly shake his head 'no'. He fumbled with his tiny notebook because he was so agitated from the shock. His father thought he loved Fool? That was insane! He needed to clear the whole thing up with his father before things went even farther and a boy/boy wedding was being planned if such a thing was even legal in their state.

'_That was ACCIDENTAL! Fool didn't mean to kiss me! I didn't want him to kiss me! Fool fell on top of me and why Alice felt the need to take a picture of that I'll never know. I like women, I'm not like that. Fool maybe, he seemed to enjoy that but not me. Hell, you've seen what's under my bed.' _Wrote Roach quickly, his handwriting worse than ever. David Sr. read it over a few times before pulling his son in for a fatherly hug. Roach tensed up at the sudden contact but he didn't pull away, it was almost nice. Almost. David Sr. began to cry and Roach felt a bit uncomfortable.

"Oh son, you don't know how happy this makes me!" said David Sr. as he let go of Roach. Roach looked at him like he was crazy and David Sr. instantly composed himself to the best of his abilities. He didn't question his son's story even though it sounded a bit far fetched because he wanted so desperately to believe that his son was a normal, straight, mute, and just a bit disturbed boy with several disorders. He looked at his son and then noticed the hickey. He then wondered if he didn't get it from the other boy than the only other person he could have gotten it from was Alice.

"Hey David, who did you get that hickey from then if it wasn't the other boy?" asked David Sr. as Roach looked down in embarrassment. He wondered why his father didn't just drop the subject; then everything would be more pleasant for everyone.

"You can tell me, this is just between guys. What you tell me won't leave this garage, David Jr." said David Sr. as he put a reassuring hand on his son's shoulder. He was brought back to the bedsprings comment and several much more pleasant than before but still unpleasant scenarios ran through his mind involving his son and Alice. Roach looked up, then he looked around the garage to see if Donna was recording it but he then remembered that he hadn't seen much of Donna the whole day. He hoped that she was dropping the whole recording thing, then maybe he could have a few moments of peace. He decide to tell his father about how confused he was feeling; the man seemed to be good at helping him solve problems and he seemed to be a good advice giver too. Maybe it was because his father was already an adult in his early thirties with almost twice as many years of life experience as him while was just a fifteen year old boy.

'_Alice did it. I don't think she meant to but it just sort of happened. I'm confused too because I think that's he might be in love with me and I want to ask her but if she says no I don't know what I'd do. She's my best friend.' _Wrote Roach as he looked down, he was now a shade a red that he didn't even think was possible. David Sr. read the note and then looked over at his son. He was happy that his son was having a problem involving a girl; it was normal for a fifteen year old boy to have problems with girls and Alice was actually a girl and not a boy. He didn't know which he was happier about, the fact that his son was asking him for advice like a son should or the fact that Alice was a girl. He wasn't going to dodge this question like he did the first time his son asked him about girls; he was going to be a good father, the best father he could be to his son. Even if it killed him.

"All you did was kiss her, you guys didn't do…other things?" asked David Sr. nonchalantly like he was talking about the weather. Roach blinked a few times before nodding 'no' furiously. He didn't know what would posses his father to think that but he had bigger questions to ask.

"Well, I'm kinda glad for that but if you do ever sleep with her or any girl remember what I said about knocking her up. You better remember because you ain't gonna march down the isle to the barrel of a shot gun like I did. Now as for your problem I'd just ask her out. If she says no you can still be friends and if she says yes you've got yourself a girlfriend but don't call her your girlfriend until the third date. You'll like the third date, that's the best one. Of course with your mother it was the second date but I'm really not gonna tell my first born son or any of my kids about that.' Said David Sr. patting his son on the back. He hoped that that helped and he hoped that his son had some luck with this Alice girl. He was grateful that his son was normal in a way and felt that there was hope for him. Roach looked at his father like he had just told hi to brun his name in gasoline on her front lawn. Did he actually say what he thought he said? Did he actually tell him to-to-he couldn't even think about it. Just thinking about being in a romantic situation with Alice that wasn't unintentional or for practice made his heart beat faster than it ever had before. He was nervous enough when he put his arm around her and gave her that light kiss but this, this was even worse. He decided to seriously reconsider his opinion of his father's advice.

"Or you could just live with the confusion, keep being her best friend and watch her marry another man when you guys grow up and you'll spend the rest of your life wondering about the one that got away." Said David Sr. as he led his son to the door as a way of getting him out. He decided to give his son some time to think about what he was just told but before Roach left he gave his father a nod that meant 'yes'.

"Tell me how it goes and don't go too far until the third date. Oh, and don't look down her shirt either, I noticed that you tend to do that to women. They don't like that for some reason." Said David Sr. as Roach left. Roach walked up to his room in a daze, wondering how he was going to ask his best friend out on his first date.

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Alice was giddy the whole way home. She wasn't letting to much of it show because Debbie had the tendency to ask questions about her love life. That didn't' stop her though, she had seen where Alice's head was through the window when she had gotten there and she was shocked. She dressed like a slut but she had enough decency to wait until the guys parents left. Her sister dressed like she was an aspiring nun but she was doing felattio on a guy's living room couch with his mother not to far away. How appearances deceived.

"So uh…like, how was your time at David's place?" giggled Debbie as she ran a stop sign. The person in the other car gave her the finger but she didn't mind in the least bit, she was used to it. Alice smiled and looked at the link shag on the floor of Debbie's custom car before giggling loudly. Debbie cocked an eyebrow at her sister's behavior but she didn't ask why she was laughing, it was normal Alice behavior to do laugh or cry with out any apparent reason. It was oddly comforting to Debbie in a way, just a bit or consistency in her rather distant family.

"It was…nice." Said Alice taking a bit of time to choose the right word to describe the rollercoaster that was her day.

"I bet it was, Allie. So, how did it taste?" asked Debbie slyly. During the last few days she had found nothing more interesting than her little sister's strange but wild love life. That was how she was reassured that they were sister's, they were both wild in their own way. She considered herself to be a loud kind of wild while her sister was more of the subtle, good girl type the ever so often just cut loose.

"How did what taste?" asked Alice as she picked a candy wrapper out from her now slightly frizzy hair. She always found things in her hair, clothes, or shoes whenever she came back from Roach's house and she found it mildly amusing.

"You totally know what I mean sis." Said Debbie looking right at her and not the road which made Alice just a bit nervous. She hoped that they didn't get into a car crash like on TV, the people in the car crashes usually didn't make it out alright and she really didn't want to go back to that hospital place; too many knew people and everything was a boring color.

"I, like, don't know what you mean, Debbie." Said Alice mirroring her sister's valley girl tone and speech. She liked the way Debbie talked and acted even if it didn't make much sense to her. She wanted to be like her sister who wasn't afraid of people or punishment and knew how to have fun even when there wasn't any fun to be had.

"Sure ya do, you can't hide stuff from me, I see everything." Said Debbie as she almost hit a mailbox.

"Look out!" yelled Alice as they almost hit a mailbox. Debbie turned just in time and the people who owned the mailbox began to shout obscenities and death threats at them but Debbie just gave them the finger.

"Well, I didn't see that. Don't tell mom or dad about that, they might take my license away like they did the time I ran over the neighbor's cat."

"Alright Debbie, I won't tell real mother and father." Said Alice who didn't want to get her sister in trouble. She wasn't even sure if Debbie would get a bad punishment like she used to but she didn't want to risk it.

"Thanks bunches Allie. Hey, why do you call them that anyway?"

"Because they're my real mother and father." Said Alice like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So why don't you call me real sister then?"

"Because I never had a fake sister, just fake parents."

"You're kinda weird, you know that?"

"To me you're a bit strange too but that's why I like you."

"Thanks, Alice. So back to the subject I looked through the window, I saw your head in his lap." Said Debbie slyly. Alice looked up at her confused. She didn't even know what to think at the moment so she just gave her sister a long look.

"What? You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"No, not really."

"Well, it has something to do with sex." Said Debbie. She wished that she was allowed to touch Alice's camera so that she could take a picture of her sister's shocked expression.

"I didn't have sex with Roach!" said Alice shocked at what her sister was saying. All she did was kiss him with her tongue and let him touch her, she didn't let him have sex with her. She didn't even know why anybody in their right mind would want to have sex, the whole thing sounded painful and nasty to her.

"What I said isn't technically sex but it does feel good, for him anyway. For us we get nothin' out of it." Said Debbie who took it upon herself to explain these things to her younger sister. She was often surprised by her naivety but she was getting used to it. She just had to remind herself that yes indeed her sister had been living under a rock for the past twelve years.

"Well I didn't do anything like that to Roach; he's only my best friend." Said Alice as they pulled into her driveway. She didn't quite understand what Debbie was saying but it struck her as something a good girl like her wouldn't do, not that she was entirely good but she knew that she was a better girl than Debbie.

"Then what, pray tell, were you doing?"

"I fell asleep."

"Sure, and I'm joining a convent as soon as I graduate from high school." Said Debbie as she unlocked the front door. Alice looked at her for a long time with a curious expression on her face. Debbie sighed.

"A convent is a place where nuns live. You know, those singing penguin ladies you watch on the religious channel." Said Debbie as she led her sister into the house.

"You were being sarcastic, right? Roach told me all about sarcasm, he knows everything." Said Alice as she took her shoes off and put them in line with the others by the front door. Cleanliness was next to godliness in her mind. It was one of her many personal philosophies to live by.

"No I was being sincere, I'm gonna go out right now and by a penguin suit." Said Debbie sarcastically. Alice gave her a long look.

"I was being sarcastic then too and I really don't think that that guy knows everything. Remember sis, he was living under the same rock you were."

"Rock?" asked Alice quietly. She didn't understand most expressions and she hated it because it made her feel stupid sometimes.

"It's an expression now c'mon, mom's probably got diner ready." And with that they made their way to the dinner table. What Debbie had implied consumed her thoughts for a moment but that moment was broken when her father uttered the most horrible words that she knew.

"Could you keep it down, I've got a headache." Said Ronald as he put his head in his hands, it had been a long day at work and his head was killing him. If he had been looking up he would have caught that deer in the headlights look that his youngest daughter had given him. Alice went pale and looked right at her father. She stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. After that the memories came and each scar that was hidden under her clothes seemed to hurt just like they did when they were first inflicted upon her. She acted in a panicked haze as she ran to her room.

"I guess she's not hungry, I better save her some. That's the good thing about my nutritious jell-o meals, they keep." Said Mary-Ann as she took the top off of some green jell-o that had vegetables floating in it.

"She doesn't like jell-o Mary-Ann, she told me." Said Ronald through his hands and he put his head down on the table. It was times like these that made him want to quite being an accountant.

"Well, she should have said something earlier today so I could have mad something else. Besides, she can't have her way all the time Ronald, I think that's where we went wrong with Debbie." Said Mary-Ann as she served everyone's dinner with a Christmas cookie cutter

"Hey, I resent that! Besides, didn't you guys see her?"

"Yeah, she really should wear some pants once in a while, it'd be more normal." Said Mary-Ann as she sat down to her meal ignoring her husbands moaning.

"No, she looked scared and not her usual 'This is new therefore scary' scared this was 'I'm gonna die' scared."

"Why would she think she was gonna die? Are you even sure about this Debbie?" asked Ronald as he took an Asprin and gritted his teeth

"Why does she do half the stuff she does? Besides, she got scared when you said that you had a headache." Said Debbie attempting to pick the peas out of her dinner. Why her mother didn't make normal food she'd never know.

"I better go talk to her, make sure my dinner doesn't melt, would ya?" said Ronald as he got up from the table and made his way to his daughter's room. He hoped that Debbie was just misreading her, he didn't know what could be scary about him having a headache. Maybe she thought that he was going to die? Or maybe it was some strange Alice reason like why she cleaned obsessively and why she was afraid of the attic and cellar. He opened the door to her pink bedroom and looked around.

"Honey, are you in here?" asked Ronald as she surveyed the room for any signs of his daughter. Alice brought her knees up to her chest and began to breath heavily. Her father had been so nice but she knew from experience that fathers became unpredictable when they got headaches. She knew how he was going to get rid of the headache and began to pray that he didn't bruise her face or any part of her that clothes didn't cover. It was her secret fear, having people stare at her like they started at Roach because of the scars and burns and bruises that covered his body. Ronald walked around the room before noticing that the door to her closet was slightly ajar. He opened it and found his daughter attempting to hide behind dresses that would have been better suited for a small child than a fourteen year old girl.

"Is there any reason that you're hiding in the closet?" asked Ronald as he crouched down to her level. Alice looked at him, her eyes filled with pure fear. She stood up and walked out of the closet while hugging her arms to herself defensively. Ronald was confused by this behavior and watched her as she stood in the middle of her room and looked down at the ground. A few silent tears fell from her eyes and dripped onto the floor with little plops. Ronald was confused and scared by his daughter's behavior.

"Alice honey, what's wrong?" asked Ronald as he walked over to her. She looked up at him and backed away in fear. She mumbled something incoherent.

"Honey, please speak up? Please?" asked Ronald as he put a reassuring hand on her arm. He pulled his hand back quickly as all of the muscles on her arm tensed.

"You have a headache." Said Alice as she eyes the thin leather belt of his suit. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die right then and there. She wondered if it would hurt when he hit her with it, it didn't really look like it could do much damage.

"And?" asked Ronald confused as he sat on her bed and just watched her as she shrunk back in fear. She just wanted it to start so it could be over quicker and she could go back to trying to be a good girl. Ronald wondered why she was crying and why she seemed to be afraid of him. He wanted to hold her close to him and reassure her that everything was going to be alright but he got the feeling that then wouldn't be the best time to try and touch her.

"You're going to get rid of it." Said Alice as she bit her lower lip to keep from sobbing loudly. She knew from experience that crying would only prolong her suffering.

"How?" asked Ronald hoping against hope that she didn't think what he thought she was thinking.

"By making me pay."

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Poor Alice, please review!


	27. Asking is twice as hard as doing

Disclaimer: The only things I own are the clothes on my back! Well, at least until I finish making the payments on them. Please tell me specifically what you guys like about this, I find it helpful.

"Pay?" asked Ronald in a small voice. He must have heard her wrong, did she say pay? Pay for what? He felt his blood run cold in his veins when he realized what she meant. Her eyes were still on the thin belt of his suit and he looked up at her, then down at his belt, then at her again. He wanted to do nothing more but kill the Robeson's slowly and painfully for the stuff he knew he did and torture them for what they probably did.

"Be-be-because you have a headache." Said Alice quietly as she stood there now looking at the floor. She braced herself for the pain that she knew was going to come and she wondered why her father didn't just get it over with before it got so bad he had to hit her mother too like Daddy did. Besides, she deserved it for being such a bad little girl anyway. She always deserved it.

"Alice, what do you mean you have to pay because I have a headache? What the hell do you think I'm going to do to you?!" said Ronald as he stood up. He raised his voice at the last part and that sent Alice running to the corner of her room with surprising speed. He looked at her as she shook and then he got up, walked over to her dresser, and drank the stale glass of water that rested on top of it. He took some deep breaths to calm himself down and then he turned to her but to his amazement she wasn't there. He knew that she didn't leave so he did a quick look around her room and found a small foot sticking out from under her bed. He walked over to the bed and sat on it, hoping that he wasn't crushing her.

"Alice Janet O'Dell you come out of there this instant! That's an order! Come out of there and talk to me young lady!" said Ronald who wanted to know why his daughter felt that she should pay because he had a headache. Alice crawled out from under her bed and stood in front of him, he suddenly looked much more imposing than before and she almost wet herself from fear as he reached an arm out to her. He took her hand in his and pulled her towards the bed. She sat down and felt terrified, this was reminiscent of an incident that had transpired between her and Daddy not too long ago but looking back it felt like a million years ago. It was the first and only time she had seen Roach not as the David she grew up with but as the man he had become. It was the first and only time she ever really saw Roach for what he was and it had been the most terrifying experience of her life.

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"_D-D-Daddy?" asked a terrified thirteen year old Alice as she sat on her bed. It was the middle of the night and Daddy was in her room. That was never a good thing when Daddy was in her room because he'd watch her sleep or sometimes even crawl into the bed next to her. It wasn't like when Roach crawled into bed next to her, she liked that and Roach never touched looked at her like Daddy did. The way that Daddy looked at her made her feel uncomfortable; there was a sort of longing in his eyes that made her want to leave but she couldn't because she wasn't given permission to leave._

"_Was I speaking to you? You speak when spoken to you little bitch!" said Daddy as he turned the light on. Alice sat straight up and threw her knees to her chest. She knew what was coming next; her punishment. _

"_You need to learn to be a good little girl! You should be lucky that Mommy and I love you so much that we tolerate you and your disobedience! We don't want to put you in the cellar Alice, we really don't! Not like that boy!" said Daddy as he hit Alice across the front of her body with his belt. Alice began to beg for forgiveness as the blows began become more and more hurried as Daddy's breath quickened and his face flushed. He suddenly let out a long breath and he calmed down. He seemed to have trouble standing so he sat in her chair and just looked at her like he looked at Mommy. Alice held her tears in, she'd cry when he left but to her surprise he didn't leave, he walked right up to her._

"_Why are you doing this to me?" asked Alice who hadn't done anything wrong that day that she could remember. She hoped that it wasn't that obvious that she was mourning him though, she knew that good girls didn't mourn bad boys who spoke evil and had to have their tongues cut out._

"_Because I love you, more than you'll ever know." Said Daddy as he cracked his knuckles loudly._

"_Daddy! Don't hurt her face!" called Mommy from down the hall_

"_Yes Mommy!"_

"_Good boy."_

"_Look at you, you enjoyed that. You're a whore and you enjoyed that. You're no better than the girl before you. All you do is tease me like you did the boy before you. Well, if you want to tease then I'll have to teach you a lesson." And with that Daddy pushed her onto the bed onto her back. She laid there terrified and not understanding while he pulled her pure white nightgown up to her stomach. He looked at her like that for a while until there was a gunshot. Daddy screamed out in pain as a bullet pieced her shoulder. He turned to face the culprit and there stood a beaten, broken but very much alive Roach holding a gun. After that a fight between them broke out with Roach telling Daddy that he'd aim for his shoulder and hit his head if he ever touched Alice again. Alice was so scared that she hid. She had never seen her friend like that and it scared her. The fight ended only when Roach put the gun to Mommy's head and Daddy promised not to touch Alice. Roach then hit Mommy across the face with the gun and left as Daddy went to tend to her. He looked at her, hugged her, kissed her cheek, and went into the walls. He did all this but not before telling her that David was dead and he was to be called Roach. She could only nod as the boy she grew up with died and the man he became replaced him._

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Alice looked at her father in shock and wondered if he would do the same to her. She wondered what he would do, Roach wasn't there to protect her and it scared her. She wanted to runaway somewhere where there were no fathers or mothers. A place where it was just brothers, sisters, and best friends. Alice kept glancing at her father's thin suit belt and Ronald's blood frozen in his veins as a word that he had been avoiding like the plague entered his thoughts. Rape. He had suspected that the man had been doing that to her but her complete ignorance to the subject of sex had knocked that thought almost completely out of his mind. It was still a possibility; children did repress memories after all. Ronald dug his nails into her bedspread as his breath quickened. The thought of anything like that happening to any of his daughters made him feel like he was turning into the Incredible Hulk or Mr. Hyde. If it was true he was going to buy a gun and shoot randomly into the county prison hold until everything was black not red with Robeson blood.

"I'll repeat myself; what the fucking hell do you think I'm going to do to you?" said Ronald through clenched teeth. Alice looked at her father for a moment before deciding to tell him. It was a cruel game that Mommy and Daddy used to play on her and Roach when they were young. They'd ask what they thought was going to happen to them and whatever they said was going to happen would happen.

"You're going to use your belt to make me pay because I'm a bad girl and I'm the reason you have a headache." Said Alice as her entire body tensed up in anticipation for the inevitable blows that would soon come. Ronald did a double take before he pulled her into a hug. Alice stayed tense for the entire duration of the embrace. She didn't know how to feel. One the one hand she loved it when her real father hugged her because it was better than when Daddy hugged because whenever Daddy would hug her it would feel strange and uncomfortable but she never felt that way with her real father. One the other hand she was scared out of her wits and anticipating a severe beating or whipping from the man that was hugging her. She felt her stomach churning and the bile rising to the top of her throat; she was going to be sick from the emotional rollercoaster ride she was on and she hated it.

"You listen and you listen good Alice, the only thing I'm ever going to use this for is for holding my pants up. I would never raise a hand to you in anger or if I have a headache or anything. I'm not Eldon Robeson and I never will be!" Said Ronald as he let her go. Alice looked at him like he had just told her he was getting a sex change operation. This must have been some sort of trick like the ones that used to be played on her, she was sure or it. She eyed her father not quite trusting him; she didn't trust most adults. Why should she trust adults anyway? They lied and hurt her. Well the ones she had grown up with anyway. It wasn't just Mommy and Daddy, they had an extended family that liked to hurt her and play tricks on her and Roach. She shuddered as she remembered the time they locked both her and Roach up in a dog cage in the cellar when she was six and Roach was seven. That was the only time she had ever gotten a good look at the boys in the cellar and it was the only time she ever wanted to see them. They didn't even look human to her; they were like animals. Well, everyone but a person who called himself Messenger; he actually crawled under a loose board that the others were afraid to crawl out of in sheer curiosity for these knew people. Alice shuddered; she was almost done repressing that memory for obvious reasons and she wanted it to stay repressed.

"I-I'm s-s-s-s-sorry that I was s-s-such a ba-bad g-g-girl, papa." Said Alice quietly trying to end this knew trick that was being played on her. She knew it was a trick because whenever people had headaches they usually got rid of them by hurting her. That was what Daddy and some of Daddy's brother's did to her and Roach and it was all that she knew. Ronald gave her a long look before taking off his belt so quickly he broke some of the loops.

"You know what Allie? I don't think that you believe me so I'm going top make you believe me!" said Ronald. Alice was sure that that was when the beating was going to start but she was surprised when her father opened her window and threw the belt out of that window.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" yelled a voice from outside. Ronald looked at Alice and wished that he could take a picture of her shocked and disbelieving expression. But he had bigger matters to attend to.

"Sorry everyone…again!" said Ronald as he shut the window to block out some of the yelling. He had a feeling that he was going to have a lawsuit on his hands but he had a more important matter to attend to. Alice kept looking at him like he had sprouted another head until he pulled her in for another embrace. He began to sob apologies into her hair and she just stood there passively not quite sure what to make of the new situation. She was happy that her father said that he wasn't going to hurt her but at the same time she was scared of him. She was scared that he was going to go crazy like Daddy and cry one minute and then beat the living daylights out of her the next.

"B-b-but then how are you gonna get rid of your headache?" said Alice quietly as he let her go. He knew enough to know that having prolonged physical contact with his slightly unbalanced daughter was never a good idea. The first time he hugged her she spent almost an entire day under the couch.

"I'll take an Aspirin! Some BC headache powder! Hell, I'll drink herbal tea! No man should ever raise his hand to a woman or girl or anybody and especially not to get rid of a fucking headache! I'm not that man! I'm your father! I'm the man who should have been raising you all these years! Not some gun wielding maniac and his insane sister! I swear to you on my mother's eventual grave that I will make this up to you! Even if it kills me!" said Ronald loudly. That scared Alice a bit that he was raising his voice but she felt oddly comforted. She knew then that her real father and Daddy were two different people and that her real father would never, ever hurt her. She felt comfortable enough and safe enough to hug him and she did. It was a stiff hug but a hug none the less and that was all that Ronald needed.

"I love you real father." Said Alice quietly into his dress shirt. Ronald smiled and just pulled her into him.

"Alice, I love you too. More than you'll ever know." Said Ronald as he stroked her hair. That made her tense up and pull away. Ronald felt his heart break as he saw the 'deer caught in the headlights' look that crossed his daughter's face. He felt a burning hatred like nothing else he had ever felt at that moment for Eldon Robeson and hating wasn't in his nature. Alice looked at her real father in shock; that was what Daddy had said to her that night all those moths ago. She could feel the memory coming back and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. She began to cry loud shaky sobs.

"Allie? Honey? Babydoll? Uhh…Sweetie? Umm...A.J.? What's the matter now?" said Ronald in shock. He knew that he should have been used to his daughter's moodswings by then but they were very violent, very sudden, and often unprovoked. Well, at least in his eyes they were unprovoked. Alice looked up at her real father and for one split second she saw Daddy standing there over her. Her heart actually stopped for that second.

"That's what he said." Said Alice as she wiped some tears from her eyes and composed herself as best as she could. Ronald looked at her confused and a bit scared. He was scared for her and what she could have been referring to. Several scenarios ran through his mind, none of them good.

"Honey, what do you mean?" said Ronald who hoped that she didn't mean what he thought she meant. If she meant what he thought she meant he wasn't sure what he'd do but he knew that it wouldn't be good for Eldon Robeson and it would probably land him in prison for a while.

"First he watched me sleep then he hit me. I asked him why he was doing that because I was a good girl that day and he said he did it because he loved me more than I'd ever know. Then he pushed me back onto the bed and he lifted my dress up and then Roach shot him and they got into a fight and Roach won." Said Alice quietly explaining the whole thing to him. She had been trying hard to forget that but she just couldn't. When she thought about it a little more it was a lot like hat had transpired between her and Roach that day. That made her a bit sick to her stomach to associate anything that she and Roach did together with anything that daddy had done or tried to do to her. Ronald looked at her for a while then left the room. Alice was curious and a bit afraid that her father was so angry that he was going to take it out on her sister or mother. Ronald went to his room past his wife who asked what was going on. He screamed into his pillow for a moment before going back to Alice's room. He was a bit surprised to see her at the exact same place that he had left her but he said nothing. This was just too much for him to take in. He knew then why his daughter shied away from his touch. It wasn't just fear of beatings, it was fear of rape.

"Did he ever touch you? Like he did in that time you described to me?" asked Ronald calmly like he was talking about the unseasonably warm weather that they had been having. Alice looked at him for a long time trying to decide if her father had some malicious motive or if it was just general curiosity.

"No, he just hit me. Roach says that he's glad that god spared me that one burden but I don't know what he's talking about. He says that its better that I don't know but I wish that he'd tell me. I don't like it when he keeps secrets from me." Said Alice as she fixed the hem of her dress that had flipped over during the course of events. Ronald looked at her for a long time and wondered how his brought, loud, happy two year old daughter could have been stolen from him and made into the timid, scared, and slightly unbalanced young woman that stood before him.

"He was right not to tell you. Alice, I failed you and I'm sorry. I won't mind that much if you never forgive me, I ruined your life. I'm the one who let that your mother take you out that day and I condemned you to your miserable existence but believe me when I tell you that I will make it up to you even if I have to move heaven and earth to do so." Said Ronald as he left her room with a new found appreciation for the mute boy who had saved his daughter from a fate worse than death. Alice was left alone for the rest of the night. All that had transpired was explained to the family and they decided to give her some cool down time. Alice didn't mind though, she felt like being alone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

'**OK, it's not rocket science. All I have to do is walk up to her house, ring her stupid sounding doorbell which for some weird reason plays that stupid Mexican hat dance song, and ask her out. If it's so simple than why am I still here hiding in the front closet?' **thought Roach as he crouched down behind the winter coats. He was going to ask Alice out on a date that day, he had to. He had to know how she felt and he really wanted to be around her. He hoped that she said yes even though he doubted that she even knew what a date was. He was so afraid of actually asking her out though that he hid I the front closet which he called his happy place. He began to take deep breaths as he contemplated calling the whole thing off but then he remembered that his father had told him to ask Alice out. Well, not exactly told but well…well he sorta did and Roach was not about to disobey an order from a man who did him no wrong.

'**This is crazy. I shot a crazy man that's well over two feet taller and several decades older than me, escaped into the walls, saved Fool's life, and watched a bunch of cannibals feast on the flesh of whoever was unlucky enough to wander into the living hell that was that house but I can't ask Alice to go somewhere with me. I'm much braver than this, hiding in a closet because I'm afraid to ask Alice out. We do stuff all the time. Well, not romantically on intention of course but I should be used to her by now. Besides, she won't say no to me, she never does. I could tell her to jump off of the Brooklyn Bridge and she probably would. Not that I'd ever tell her to do that.' **Thought Roach as he hid in his closet. He wished that the walls spaces were big enough for him to hide in so he could hide from his nervousness.

"What the hell are you doin'?" asked David Sr. as he opened the closet to get a pair of shoes. He almost had a heart attack when he opened the door to find his son crouched in the closet. Roach looked up at his father and smiled weakly. He handed his father a pair of shoes in the hopes that he'd leave him alone to hide from his nervousness but David Sr. would do no such thing. He was no Sigmund Freud but he knew that it wasn't healthy for a fifteen year old boy to be hiding in closets. He didn't ask why he was in there though, no reason was needed anymore.

'_I'm sitting in the closet.' _Wrote Roach as he made himself a bit more comfortable. He was planning on sitting in there either until he stopped being nervous or until he was kicked out. His mother generally left him be but his father seemed to want to make him more normal as his time with his family wore on.

"Yeah, that I can tell. Just get out of there, David Jr." said David Sr. as he motioned for his son to leave the cramped, dusty space that was the front closet of the Cullen house. Roach reluctantly left and decided to hide in the crawlspace under the house. He hoped that his father didn't ask if he had asked Alice out yet; he didn't want to lie to the man but he didn't want to disobey or disappoint him either. It was a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' sort of thing.

"Remember what I told you?" asked David Sr. as he closed the closet door with a loud bang. Roach knew exactly what his father was talking about but he played dumb.

'_There's no need for me to shower ten times a day.' _Wrote Roach as he remembered a long talk he and his father had about the fact that on bad days he took up to ten ice or boiling showers a day. He hated those days.

"Well yeah, other people need the bathroom too but what else?"

'_I shouldn't sleep in the same bed as Alice because we're too old.'_

"No, your mother told you that one but what else?"

'_No one wants to see my tongue stump.'_

"David!" said David Sr. becoming frustrated with his son. He knew that his son was just playing dumb and he was getting tired of it and he was running a bit late but he knew that his father wouldn't mind.

'_You can't run away from your problems.' _Wrote Roach defeated. He sighed in defeat and began to think of places that he and Alice could go. It wasn't that he didn't like Alice, he loved her more than any other person on the face of the earth, he just didn't like it when things got awkward and he didn't want her to reject him.

"Exactly, now if you had another flashback just remember; it's in the past. The past is the past David Jr. and I bet that that man's somebody's pin cushion in lock up right now." Said David Sr. Roach looked at his father shocked. He was shocked that his father would say something like that. But the thought of Daddy being somebody's equivalent to him or Messenger did put a smile on his face.

"See Davey; that made you feel better. Hey, how are things with you and that Alice girl? You gonna ask her out?" asked David Sr. Roach looked up at his father; he had the feeling of a lead ball in his stomach and a metallic taste in his mouth. David Sr. noticed and motioned for his son to follow him. Screw work, he wasn't father of the year but he could still at least try.

"Take a sip to calm down. Just a sip and not a gulp, David. You have a really low tolerance." Said David Sr. as he opened a bottle of beer and gave one to Roach. He was grateful that Dot had somehow gotten gum stuck in that mop top she called hair which busied his wife.

"Dad, that's illegal!" said Donna from the doorway, camera in hand. Roach glared at her wishing that she would just give it up already.

"Bella, this is man to man time so either grow a dick or go away." Said David Sr. using the first part of Donna's name to tick her off. This was supposed to be a moment between him and his oldest son, just him and his oldest son. Roach laughed a bit and almost chocked.

"Fine but I'm gonna have to tape over this so you don't get busted for child endangerment. And don't call me Bella!" said Donna as she stocked off. She hit rewind so that she could tape over her father handing him a beer. Her father wasn't perfect but she still didn't want to see the man go to jail. Well, that and she wanted a beer too.

"Take my advice son, don't ever have daughters. They're just impossible to understand and even harder to live with. Oh, and don't tell anyone about that whole me giving you a beer thing, you have to be at least twenty one to drink legally." Said David Sr. as he joined his on and opened himself up a beer. Roach nodded in agreement, he couldn't understand girls that well either and it made him feel slightly better that he wasn't the only guy who didn't understand what went on in the minds if the opposite sex. Hell, his father didn't even understand his own daughter. He looked at his beer for a moment before taking a small sip, he had very low tolerance and he didn't want to get drunk again. Well, before he was buzzed but he didn't want to be impaired in any way.

"You're nervous about this, aren't you?" asked David Sr. Roach deliberated a it before nodding in agreement. It made him feel a bit better when he admitted it but it was a bit awkward for him because he was talking to his father about it. He didn't fear punishment for thinking about the opposite sex though, his father was nothing like Daddy in the aspect.

"Well that I can understand, I'd actually be a little bit worried if you weren't nervous. It's really not that hard but I then again I might be a little out of my game, I did marry your mother when I turned eighteen so I don't have a lot of experience. Recent experience anyway. You shouldn't take her only to places where you want to go and for the love of God don't try and sleep with her on the first date. Only a certain kind of woman does that and that's the kind you don't want to end up with. Believe me, I know. When you're a father at sixteen then again at seventeen and then you have to get married before you even finish high school and you get stuck in a dead end job working for your father you'll wish you had listened to him when he told you to buy the cow because it's never a good idea to get the milk for free. Oh, sorry about that I went off topic, anyway-" started David Sr. before he noticed the look of disbelief that crossed his son's face. He mentally kicked himself for saying that about Amanda even though it was the truth. He didn't want to see his son end up in the same boat as him. Roach looked at his father in disbelief, he might kiss Alice but he wasn't going to sleep with her! He began to shake his head 'no' repeatedly. Where his father got that idea he'd never know but he had to deny it even though part of him, mostly his libido, got excited at the thought of sleeping with Alice or any girl for that matter. He learned the hard way not to listen to that part of him, whenever he did it never ended well. Except for the time with Headbanger but that was a whole 'nother thing entirely.

"What, you aren't gonna try anything with her? Nothing at all? You sure you like her?" said David Sr. in disbelief as he saw his son shaking his head. Well, that was one way he and his son were different but he suspected that the boy was just shy. It was understandable considering the life he lived. Roach nodded 'yes' and wondered why his father looked at him like he was crazy. He kiss Alice, hold her hand, even let her sleep with her head in his lap but he was never going to have sex with her. Well, if she asked maybe but he wasn't even sure if she knew what sex was.

"Well, at least I know I won't have to worry about any bastard babies being born in the near future. Oh, and please for the love of God don't tell your mother I said those things about her, she'd make me sleep on the couch until Dot's in college. Listen, if you're so God damned nervous about askin' her have some ask for ya because then if ya get shot down it'll be less humiliating. Oh, and if you take her somewhere to eat make sure it's not a McDonald's or a Burger King or a Taco Bell or any other fats food place. She'll think you're cheep and you'll have absolutely no chance of getting a second that or the amazing third. And listen to me very carefully, this may save whatever reputation you have and you're love life: if you go to the movies and a piece of popcorn falls into her shirt for the love of God don't reach your hand into her bra and try and get it out. Same goes if it falls onto her lap. Ya hear me, David Jr.?" asked David Sr. in all seriousness her was happy that he had a son old enough to tell this too and he didn't want him to make some of the humiliating mistakes that he did. Roach nodded quickly, listening to his father's advice like it was gospel. He mentally kicked himself for ever doubting his father's advice giving skills. It wasn't like he would actually do some of those things but if was nice that the man cared enough to warn him. He was going to take his father up on his advice of having a third party ask her, he wasn't sure how he would deal with rejection but he suspected that it wouldn't end well because he was easily prone to depression.

"Well son, that's all I have to say about that now if you'll excuse me I gotta get to work or you're grandpa might cut my pay again. Tell me how it goes though, OK?" said David Sr. as he finished his beer and got up to leave. Roach made an OK sign with his fingers and took a swig of beer. He was a bit less nervous than before but he was still very nervous. The beer was helping, but he suspected that showing up drunk or hung over wouldn't go over well with Alice or her parents. He began to feel a bit nervous, he had to formally meet Alice's family. Well, he had met her family in passing but he had never sat down in a room with them for more than two seconds. He decided to get up and get the whole asking her thing over with. He was going to take her to the movies and he'd decide which one when he got there. Money wouldn't be a problem. He had the money from ten Christmases and birthdays he wasn't present for and relatives sent him money as well as clothes and other things.

"Do it over the phone, I'll ask them to let her talk to you and then you can ask her out. It's kinda rude to ask someone out through a third party, for a girl anyway." Said Donna who had been listening to the conversation with much interest. She was glad that her brother was doing something normal but she was a bit sad that a bit of his childhood had slipped away. She wasn't all that sad for his childhood, she was sad because he wasn't the happy go lucky and slightly hyper five year old that had left her on that day in 1981. It was 1991 and he was a fifteen year old boy finally doing something that was normal for a fifteen year old boy to do.

'_Who asked you?' _wrote Roach who was still mad at her. She looked at him with sad and hurt eyes. She knew that if those words had been spoken they would have been laced with venom. Roach crossed his eyes and looked at her. His father prying into his love life was alright by him but his barely older sister was a whole other thing entirely. Donna was slightly hurt by that but decided that she was going to help him if h liked it or not.

"Hey, I'm just tryin' to help you, David. Besides, who's really gonna do that for you without asking questions. I know you hate it when I ask questions and the only other people here who would do that for you are either mad that you wouldn't pursue a relationship with them even though you're her fifteen year old brother or should have been born on Mars and thinks that anything even remotely romantic is disturbing and might think up some wild theory that you've been replaced by and alien and hang wire hangers and tinfoil from the sealing. She did that when I first went out with s guy though and that was only last year. She even slept on the roof, that wasn't pleasant." Said Donna sitting next to him and taking the beer away. She wasn't sure what her mother would do if she saw him drinking but she seriously doubted that it would be allowed. Roach weighed the pos and cons of letting Donna do that for him. It would have taken some of his nervousness away but then again he didn't exactly want his sister in the small love life he had. Roach's blue eyes narrowed a bit before he made an Ok sign with his fingers.

'_One condition Donna: don't follow me and don't record this. Alright?' _wrote Roach who didn't feel like having his sister follow him along and record him. Donna looked overjoyed when she read the piece of paper that was handed to her. She took this as a sign of him forgiving her and was very grateful for that.

"Sure, I'll stay away. I really don't wanna see what you guys do when you're alone anyway." Said Donna as she laughed a bit. It took Roach all of two seconds to get what Donna was alluding at and when he did he blushed and blinked a few tiomes.

"Dohuh!(Donna!)" said Roach appalled that his sister would even think something like that about him and Alice. He was tempted to get 'Me and Alice don't have sex' tattooed in big, bold letters across his forehead just to stop people from thinking that about the two of them. Donna looked at bit startled at his voice but quickly shook it off. She didn't want him to know that his cracking and distorted voice creeped her out, she didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Algiht, alright. Jeez, CTHD." Said Donna resisting the urge to laugh at her brother's confused expression. Roach scratched his head, this new slang didn't make much sense to him and he wished that people would just speak straight forward.

"Calm the hell down. I invented it, I hope that it catches on."

"Mehbeh.(Maybe.)" said Roach still a bit confused. Apparently people had gotten so busy in his ten year absence that they stopped having time to say a whole word. How strange.

"You know, I'm actually a bit surprised that you even want anything to do with all of that considering what you…went through." Said Donna quietly. Roach glared at her and she instantly recoiled. She wouldn't admit it but she was both afraid of him and afraid for him. Roach gave her a sharp glare; he didn't need to be reminded of that then. He was trying to forget and put it behind him and he wished that she could understand that.

"Fine I'll drop it but it's not your fault you know, he was older than you and you were just a kid." Said Donna sympathetically. Roach glared at her and threw a piece of bread at her head. Donna nearly dodged it and looked at him sourly.

"I thought that you didn't hit girls." Said Donna as she picked up the bread and tossed it out the window for the birds. Roach glared at her for a bit, he didn't need reminding of what she read. He had barely forgiven her and he hated how she was pushing it. He only barely forgave her because she was his sister and he had to forgive he because in his mind forgiveness was part of love and he had to love her because they were siblings.

'_I didn't hit you; I threw a piece of bread at you. That's very different.' _Wrote Roach as he got himself a piece of bread and began to nibble on it to the best of his ability. Donna read it then she crumpled it up and tossed it at him. He dodged it and then picked it up and threw it back at her.

"Will you cut it out?!" said Donna as he hit her in the eye with it. Roach didn't usually do anything like that to members of the opposite sex but he made an acception for Donna. She deserved it and it didn't really hurt, it was just very annoying. Roach stuck out his tongue stump and Donna grimaced before sticking out her tongue.

"Neat! How far can you stick it out anyway? Does it hurt? Did it hurt before?" asked Dot who had walked into the kitchen to find her older brother and sister acting like children. She looked at his tongue stump with avid fascination and he instantly pulled it back into his mouth slightly surprised that Dot didn't recoil in disgust but then he remembered that she was Dot and it needed no further explanation.

"Get out of here, Dottie! We're busy!" said Donna as she attempted to push Dot out of the room. Dottie held onto the table with surprising strength and Donna got frustrated. Roach watched the scene with amusement and chuckled a bit to himself, his nervous temporarily replace by amusement.

"It's my kitchen too and I'm thirsty!" said Dot still holding onto the leg of the table. Roach worried for a bit that it might break so he held it in place as best as he could.

"Come back later!"

"I might die of thirst and all that'll be left of me will be a raisin!" Roach glared at her a bit for that comment that she made. He hated it when people said that they were starving or dieing of thirst because they never knew what it really meant to be starving or dieing of thirst.

"Well, a raisin would be much quieter than you!"

"A raisin would be smarter than you!"

"Well, a raisin-"

"Will you too please stop screaming about raisins?! Some people are trying to concentrate!" yelled Morgan from the upstairs. Roach put his head down on the table, the noise never stopped at his house and for a moment he wished for the quiet tranquility that the walls offered. Well, it was tranquil until Daddy decided to get crazy.

"Say that to my face!" said Dottie loudly as she banged on the table. Roach rubbed his temples, he hoped that he didn't get a migraine from all of this, he hated migraines.

"No, you say that to my face, Spot!" yelled Morgan as he stomped on the floor which made some plaster fall from the ceiling like snow. Roach spat a bit out of his mouth at everyone's disgust.

"What'd you just call me?!"

"You heard me, Speck!"

"You tryin' to pick a fight?!"

"Maybe I am!"

"Well then you're gonna get a fight!" and with that Dot stormed upstairs. Roach and Donna exchanged looks before Donna sat down across from him once again.

"What were we just fighting about?" asked Donna who had honestly forgotten what all of the fighting had been about. Roach scratched his head for a bit before shrugging his shoulders. He had forgotten to when he became wrapped up in the verbal battles between Donna and Dot and Dot and Morgan.

"Oh yeah, sorry for bringing that up again, David. But still, you're not a cockroach, you're a human being with the same rights as all of us." Said Donna as she put a reassuring hand on his arm. He snatched his arm out of her grasp and then looked down. He really needed a Prozac right about then.

'_Try remembering that you're human when you're running through a wall for your life. Or when you're left to hang all night by your wrists for speaking your mind.' _Wrote Roach. Donna read it and immediately went over to hug him. He let her hug him for a moment, he liked that kind of human contact with no pain or strings attached. He momentarily forgot how angry he was at her and tentatively hugged her back. He couldn't stand that much human contact for long so after a few moments he attempted to squirm out of her embrace. Donna didn't feel too hurt when he did that, she knew that he couldn't stand human contact with someone who wasn't Alice for too long.

"You're still human and almost normal too. You just gotta put stuff behi8nd you and try and be happy. What good is it gonna do to let this hold you back from having a normal life, David?" said Donna grateful that she was having a meaningful conversation with her brother. She took it as a sign of forgiveness and was happy about that.

'_You have a point but almost normal isn't normal.' _Wrote Roach as he self consciously pulled his sleeve down to hide the pink welt on his body where he had burnt himself out of punishment.

"David, is anyone in this family really normal? Mom's a basketcase, Dad's barely a dad but he does try, Trysta's a sullen ten year old who had and maybe still has a crush on you, Morgan's a little jerk who never thinks, and Dot's-What is Dot?"

'_What's your point?'_

"My point is that we're all a bit south of normal; myself included. Besides, there are tons of people in the world that've gone through stuff like what you went through and there are tons of people in this world who can't talk."

'_I've never met any.'_

"David, you've barely met anyone. Hell, you've never left a five mile radius of our house!"

'_Like who? Who's gone through what I went through besides the people under the stairs who've gone through ten times worse.'_

"David, you think that no other kid has ever been abused? You've been living under a rock for way too long. Besides, Vietnam war vets went through torture and look how well some of them are doing."

'_Alright, I get your point. But if war vets went through the same stuff than why isn't Grandpa David like this. He seemed pretty normal from what I remember.'_

"Well, first of all most of the war he spent shooting down German planes and second of all he was in the second world war back in the forties. I'm talking about the Vietnam war in the sixties. You may not remember but that's why grandpa hates his uncle. Remember the big fight they had in this room?"

'_It's a little blurry but didn't the police get called after grandpa bit uncle Dewey's finger so deep he hit the bone?'_

"Yeah, police, paramedics, even a swat team I think."

'_I wish I remembered better, my memory goes in and out and a lot of my memories from before times aren't that clear.'_

"Well, now you'll make new memories. Like the memory of your extremely awkward first date."

'_How do you know that it's going to be awkward?' _asked Roach who was back to being nervous. He was afraid that if it was too awkward Alice either wouldn't want to do anything with him again or maybe even not return his feelings. That thought scared him most of all, he wasn't sure that he could handle having Alice break his heart like that and he contemplated calling the whole entire thing off and hiding in the crawlspace under his house for the remainder of the day.

"Mine sure was. I was a little younger than you and when he went to kiss me I kinda…fell on him." Said Donna chuckling a little at the memory of one of the few boys she ever got close to and her falling into the pricker bushed by her house. Roach felt his heart stop for a moment. Kiss? He was going to have to kiss her and he knew it but he wasn't sure that he could kiss her for real. Their kisses had been unintentional, accidental, or for practice or pretend purposes. Donna caught that deer caught in the headlights look that crossed his features and looked at him reassuringly.

"Well, maybe you won't have too because from what I've seen of her she probably won't expect a kiss. Actually she might be just as afraid as you are which I don't get because I've seen you kiss her and you do have a hickey on your neck." Roach pulled his collar up and looked at the ground. He felt a bit embarrassed both at what his sister had just said and also by the fact that it was true. He had kissed her before but this one was different but he was comforted by the fact that she may not be expecting him to kiss her. She was very innocent after all.

"You should though, she likes you." Said Donna as Roach gave her a confused look. Of course she liked him, why would she be his best friend if she didn't like him.

"I mean like-like. You know, it's kinda like puppy love." Said Donna. Roach then realized that she mean tit like Trysta said it and turned beet red. Donna laughed a bit but quickly composed herself. She was rarely on her brother's good side and she didn't want to push it.

"C'mon, I'll call her before she comes over like she usually does and you can ask her out. Oh and try not to sound too desperate, girls don't like that." Said Donna as Roach wrote the number down for her, his stomach filling with dread.

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Alice woke up happy. She didn't know why at first but then she remembered the peace that she had made with her father the previous night. She knew thar she had nothing to fear from him and she felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She got ready and went downstairs to breakfast. She felt more comfortable in her home than she ever had before. She now knew that Mommy and Daddy were different from her real parents and her real parents would never hurt her. She went to the kitchen and took her place at the table. She was surprised to see that her parents weren't there at the table and neither was her sister. She began to panic as thoughts of abandonment ran through her mind. Just as she fell into a panic Debbie strolled in fully dressed.

"You, like, finallly up?" asked Debbie as she noticed her sister sitting at the table in her usual place. Alice nodded, confused by the fact that no one was there and her sister wasn't eating breakfast.

"Where did everybody go?" asked Alcie quietly. She still wasn't completely used to being able to speak without being spoken to. The thought of starting a conversation with someone older who wasn't Roach was almost alien to her.

"Mom and Dad went to work already, you,totally like, slept in."

"H-How late did I sleep?" asked Alice who was afraid once agai of being punished. She knew that he parents were going to beat or burn her but the fear was still there in the back of her mind.

"It's noon. Well, a little past noon. Don't worry though, I slept 'till four o'clock once and nothin' happened to me. Here, mom put some food for you in the fridge." said Debbie as she left the room. She was given a second chance to be her sister's babysitter because if Amanda Cullen watched her then Mary-Ann would have to come into contact with her. Alice nodded and then got her food and began to eat. She loved this new feeling. Safe. She had never felt safe unless she was with Roach but this new feeling of being on her own and completely safe was new but not unenjoyable. Alice began to get lost in her thoughts as she ate. She mostly thought about Roach and what she and him had done. she also thought about Fool and what she and Fool had done. She felt bad about betraying them both and she was worried about choosing one of them. Fool felt the same way for her but she also suspected that Roach felt the same way about her. There was a big difference between the two of them. She knew Roach for longer. Fool had saved her life and set her free but Roach had also saved her life and he also said that he saved her from a fate worse than death. Alice wanted to know what he meant but he wouldn't tell her. She wondered what her father would think of all of this and got scared. Her mother and sister were both happy that she was in love even though it seemed a bit forced on the part of her mother btu fathers were different. She knew that her father loved her and wouldn't hurt her but he thought that she was a good girl even though she was a bad girl and she wasn't sure how he would feel when he found out about how much of a bad girl she was. The loud shrill ring of the phone jarred her from her thoughts.

"I got it!" yelled Debbie from the living room. She didn't like Aloce ansering the phone because most of the calls she got were very private and very vulgar.

"It's for you! It's David Cullen!" said Debbie loudly. She mutter something unpleasant to Donna and Donna muttered something unpleasant back. Roach stood next to Donna shifting nervously and sweating buckets. Donna handed Roach the phone just as Alice answered and Roach had a bit or trouble holding onto it from sweat and nervousness.

"Hello?" asked Alice quietly still not used to talking on the phone. Roach began to breath heavily before finding his voice.

"(Alice?)"

"Roach? Are you sick or something, you don't sound right."

"(I'm fine, never better! Fit as a fiddle sharp as a widdle best in all Manchester!)" said Roach who was babbling out of nervousness. He contemplated hanging up on Alice and pretending that the phone broke to get out of it. Donna gave him a reassuring look and flshed him a thumbs up. He sighed and wiped some sweat from his forehead.

"What?"

"(N-Nothing. Anyway can I ask you something?)" said Roach who decided to cut to the chase

"Sure Roach, you can ask me anything. It's good to ask questionns, my real father said so. Oh, you won't believe what happened to me last night! My real father had a headache and he didn't hurt me or my real mother or Debbie to get rid of it. I thought he was going to but he didn't and I got scared but he made me not scared anymore! I think he really does love me. Isn't that great?" said Alice who had been dieing to tell Roach about her revelation.

"(Alice, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you but listen, I need to ask you something really important.)"

"What is it Roach?"

"(Are you allowed to leave your house at night?)"

"I'm not sure, my father said I could do whatever I wanted and it doesn't seem like he's playing a trick on me."

"(Well, anyway, you like movies right?)" asked Roach twisting the phonecord in his finger and trembling from nervousness. He felt like he was going to throw up from nervousness and he just wanted the conversation to be over.

"Yes, very much. Oh, I forgot to tell you. Debbie showed me this movie called 'Alice in Wonderland' and it wa sreally good and the girl has the same name as me. Isn't that neat? Debbie says that Alice is a common name. That's strange though, lots if people having my name. Do you know any other people named David?" said Alice going off topic and on and on again as she sometimes did. She loved to talk because she had done so little talking in her short life.

"(Yeah, I bet that there are lots of David's out there. That's my father and grandfather's name you know but anyway listen, would you go to the movies with me tonight on a date?)" asked Roach. His heart stopped as Alice paused. He was afraid that she would reject him or hang up on him. He felt sick and he just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

"Alright. When?" asked Alice who wasn't sure if she heard him right about the date part. She was happy to spend time with him and she'd ask her parents or her sister later. she knew vaguely what a date was from her mother but her mother hadn't explained that much to her because the conversation was a bit awkward and Mary-Ann didn't do well with things that were awkward. Roach yelled loudly with joy and did a little dance from happiness. He quickly regained his composer and tried to level his cracking voice.

"(Seven?)"

"Alright Roach see you then."

"(You really want to go out with me?)" asked Roach in disbelief and ahppiness. He took this as cofirmation of Alice's feelings for him and he hoped that she took it as confirmation of his feelings for her if she suspected that he had any for her.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"(I'm just amazed that you want to go on a date with me.)"

"Date?" asked Alice but it was too late. Morgan had hung taken the phone out of Roach hand and hung it up so he could use it. It didn't bother Roach too much though, he was so happy nothing could ever bother him for a very long time. He left to get ready and Alice just stood there by the phone more confused than ever.

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"It's like he's blind." Said Carolina as she watched Messenger walk around his padded room with his hands to the walls. Today was the day; the day Messenger would be taking up residence with her and Eloise. The sexual misconduct charges towards most of the male staff had defiantly sped the process up considerably and now he was leaving. Messenger knew this and was saying goodbye to the room he thought was going to be his new home. He didn't quite know for sure what was going on; just that some more blue people asked him questions and now all of the white coats that took care of him were replaced with women. Messenger didn't think that he had done anything wrong; he was just doing for them what eh had been doing for people his whole life.

"Yeah, it's like he doesn't trust his own eyes." Said Eloise as she watched him mutter something to the wall he was by. She was beginning to have second thoughts about what she was doing. He seemed to be happy being institutionalized and she wasn't sure that she could take care of him. It would be like taking care of a child. She always pushed those thoughts aside almost as soon as they came into her mind. Those weren't good thoughts for her to have. She had to be happy so she put on her best happy face as she prepared to take Messenger to her home; their home.

"Are you sure about this? He seems…unbalanced." Said Carolina choosing her words carefully for fear of offending her adoptive daughter. Eloise glared a bit before composing herself.

"He needs a home. He needs a real home, not an insane asylum. That's what this is you know, a nuthouse. He needs to know what it's like to really be free. That's what I'm going to give him; a home and real freedom."

"Honey, he may be beyond help." Said Carolina who wasn't sure how to feel about the whole subject of a great grandchild with several mental and physical problems.

"I wasn't." and with that a female attendant ushered Messenger out of the room. He picked at the T-shirt and jeans he was given by Eloise. He hated clothes. Back in the cellar he never wore clothes because they would interfere with what he did. Messenger allowed himself to be lead through the white halls and out the door where he was filled with the urge to run into the big bright world he had been denied in all of his years of confinement. He ran to the fence separating the yard of the institution from the rest of the world as stuck his hand in the chain link fence. Headbanger who had been doing her share of exploring around the yard walked over to him.

"Congratulations Messenger, you're free!" said Headbanger as she took his hand in hers through the fence. He looked at her and smiled.

"Headbanger gonna free too, was said! Headbanger and Miracle gonna be free!" said Messenger happily as they held hands through the fence. He loved her but not in the way he loved his husband all those years ago. He loved her like he loved his just friends and that was alright by both of them but it made parting all the more difficult.

"We're never really free." said Headbanger as she felt the 'x' on her back through her uniform

"We closuh then we ever been." said Messenger. He had been a slave all his life and he never once dreamt of freedom or salvation so he was grateful for the freedom that was offered to him. Headbanger was grateful for her freedom but she had grown up looking through windows to the outside world and wishing that she could be a part of it. Now she was a part of it she was still Boss' slave and she hated it.

"I guess. Miracle is gonna be born free."

"She gonna be born freer than us."

"Yeah." said Headbanger as she wiped some tears from her eyes and put a hand on her stomach. She looked up into Messenger's eyes and he looked into hers. That was it, it was goodbye. Goodbye forever. Messenger began to cry softly and so did Headbanger. Headbanger puckered her lips and Messenger did the same. They kissed through the chain link fence but it wasn't a romantic kiss; it was a kiss goodbye. Eloise and Carolina didn't know what to make of it so they just watched as a chaste kiss was exchanged. When they finished Messenger was led away and they both began to cry softly.

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How'd you guys like that. I'm just gonna put what Roach says in parenthesis because it's just easier. Please review.


	28. First Date

Disclaimer: Does anyone really read disclaimers anyway?

Alice stood by the phone completely and totally shocked. Date? Roach wanted to ask her out on a date? She knew what a date was thanks to her mother but why would Roach ask her to go with him? Could he possibly? Alice shook her head at that thought; Roach didn't feel that way about her. Right? She blushed a bit at the thought of Roach returning her feelings. She wanted him to feel the same way about her but she knew that he didn't. He was her best friend and nothing more. Then why would he ask her out on a date if he only felt friendship for her. Why would he kiss her? Why would he let her closer to him than he let anyone else? She began to deliberate this inside of her mind until Debbie came into the kitchen and saw her staring off into space.

"Hey, Earth to Alice? C'mon, you, like, havin' an out of body experience or somethin'?" asked Debbie as she snapped her fingers in front of Alice's face effectively snapping he rout of it.

"Huh?" asked Alice as she was startled from her confusion. She looked up at Debbie who looked to be genuinely concerned for her.

"What was up with that? You looked like you were in, like, a trance or somethin'" asked Debbie who was becoming used to her sister's odd and down right bizarre at time behavior. Alice deliberated telling Debbie. She decided that it was a good idea because Debbie seemed to know a lot about boys and so far had been very nice to her.

"Roach want to go to the movies with me." Said Alice quietly as she blushed and looked down. Debbie smiled as she got a good idea about what was going on with Alice.

"Like a date?" asked Debbie who was almost certain that it was. Alice nodded and continued to look down at the linoleum floor of her kitchen.

"So, you say yes?" Alice nodded again feeling sick to her stomach from all of the confusion she was feeling.

"That's, like, totally, bitchin'! What are you gonna wear? What movie are you gonna see? How far are you planning on letting him go?" asked Debbie going a mile a minute. She felt happy that for once her little sister was doing something relatively normal. Maybe if she got even more normal they could be seen out in public together.

"I dunno. Hey, can I ask you a question?" asked Alice quietly. She hoped that her sister could help to clear some of the confusion up for her; she had been a lot of help before.

"Shoot." Said Debbie. Alice gave her a look before remembering that it meant 'you can ask me a question'. Alice took in a deep breath a started.

"I love Fool but I love Roach too and I think Roach loves me too but I know that Fool loves me but if roach loves me and I love him then I'd break Fool's heart but if I love Fool then I'd break Roach's heart and now I really think that Roach loves me and I'm so confused and-and-"Alice was close to hyperventilating at that point and Debbie stopped her.

"OK Allie, two things. Number one: take a chill pill. If you stop breathing it'll be my ass mom and dad deep fry. Two: you don't have to stay with just one of them you know. I have two boyfriends and neither of them knows about the other one. There used to be three but I accidentally called out the third ones name when I was with the first one and…well I'm not going to go into what happened next." Said Debbie as Alice looked at her. She wondered if what Debbie was doing was adultery but she didn't dwell on it. She always got the feeling that her older sister was going to burn in hell but she never dwelled on it. She didn't think that she could handle being with both Roach and Fool and she knew that if she ever tried that it wouldn't end well for anyone involved.

"I-I don't think that I could do that. Thank you anyway" Said Alice who knew that she was going to have to choose. She wondered if going with Roach was choosing him over Fool.

"Well, a date doesn't always mean I want to be with you. It could mean 'I think your hot' or 'I'm desperate' or 'I'm just trying to get into your bra' or 'Let's see how this goes because I'm not quite so sure that you like me' 'Or I'm using you to make some other girl jealous'.'" Said Debbie stopping Alice in her tracks. She gave her sister a questioning look. She didn't understand half of the things her sister said but one thing was quite clear; it wasn't just about being in love with someone. Her mother had told her that if a boy loved her he'd take her out on a date to see if she loved him back. She didn't think that Roach would have another motive for asking her out. She was quite sure of that nut h could have been seeing how things went between them. Alice shook her head, she went to her sister for advice and now she was more confused than ever.

"Yeah, some guys are like that. That David guy probably isn't though; I've seen you two together. Hey, quite worrying about it. Listen, you don't have to, like, leave for another seven hours so you've, like, got time to cool down. Hey, I'll help you get ready! How's that sound?" said Debbie. Alice smiled and nodded grateful that she was getting some help. She allowed herself to be led upstairs where Debbie spent hours helping her pick out clothes and do her hair but not before making Alice take a good, long shower. It was fun for both of them and Alice momentarily forgot her nervousness until the hour drew near.

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"Hey, anybody home?!" called out Mary-Ann as she entered her house. Her girls where nowhere to be seen and she feared a repeat of the previous night where Debbie had to look for Alice. That had definitely taken a few years off her life and re introduced her to her old friends Miller Light and Jack Daniels.

"We're up here mom!" called out Debbie from the upstairs. Mary-Ann heard laughing and decided to see what was going on. She hoped that Debbie wasn't dressing Alice up like her again. That was a secret Mary-Ann kept all to herself; she didn't want another Debbie on her hands.

"So, like, anyway Al, what are you two gonna do?" asked Debbie as she painted Alice's nails. Alice could paint her own nails but she had trouble painting within the lines so to speak. Mary-Ann grew curious and pressed her ear to Alice's bedroom door.

"We're gonna go see a movie." Said Alice nervously. She didn't know why she was so nervous all of a sudden. She knew that she was nervous about seeing Roach but it was her abrupt change in mood that really got to her. This made Mary-Ann very suspicious and she pressed her ear even closer to the door.

"No, I mean, you know, _afterwards_." Said Debbie suggestively. Alice cocked an eyebrow; they were going to go back tot heir respective houses of course. She knew for a fact that Roach's parents didn't like him out of the house, especially at night. Mary-Ann gasped. She had a very good idea of what they were talking about. Alice was finally asked out. She felt happy for her daughter, sad that she was growing up, afraid for her well being because it wouldn't exactly be difficult to take advantage of her, and angry that she wasn't told sooner. It wasn't like she didn't have a cell phone.

"Go home." Said Alice in a 'what else' tone of voice. Mary-Ann hoped that Alice wasn't talking about what she thought that she was talking about.

"Why Miss Alice, you know you've got to make him work for it!" said Debbie in a southern belle voice.

"Work for what?" asked Alice confused. This put Mary-Ann a bit more at ease. She didn't like the idea of her daughters, either, of them having sex but she knew that she was fighting a loosing battle with nature so she just slipped them both the birth control pill. Not that Alice needed it but she would rather be safe than a grandmother at forty three.

"You know…it." Said Mary-Ann uncomfortably. She wasn't a prude but talking about it still made her a bit uncomfortable.

"Sex?" asked Alice a bit shocked. She was getting a bit tired of everyone assuming that she and Roach did things like that, not that she'd ever say anything.

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!" said Debbie in a television announcer voice which earned her a glare from her mother.

"I don't wanna have sex with Roach and I don't think that he wants to have sex with me. It sounds rally gross and painful."

"Alice, he's a guy. All guys want it. And another thing, it only hurts the first few times and it's not that gross."

"How could something like that feel good?"

"Believe me it does. Mom probably explained it to you like 'insert tab A into slot B. Repeat as necessary. Well, it's much more than that, lemme tell ya-"started Debbie as Mary-Ann entered Alice's room effectively cutting her off. Mary-Ann had explained to Alice like that for a reason and she didn't need Debbie convincing her that it was great even though it was.

"H-Hello real mother." Said Alice not quite sure what to say. Her room was a mess and she was agreed to do something without consulting her real mother first. She knew that her father said that he'd let her do whatever she wanted but she didn't know where her real mother stood on that.

"Alice. Debbie." Said Mary-Ann who wanted to tell Alice to stop calling her real mother and call her at least just mother but she knew not to correct her because her husband said so and she didn't want to make waves in their marriage.

"OK, you are so totally not gone believe this! OK, ready?" asked Debbie as Alice blushed and looked down. She was happy that Debbie was telling their real mother but she also feared her reaction. She hoped that she wasn't going to get punished and she suspected that she wouldn't be.

"I have a pretty good idea about what you're gonna tell me." Said Mary-Ann looking directly at Alice. She then noticed what Alice was wearing. It was a semi tight dress that was obviously Debbie's and it was short but not too short that she couldn't bend over. It was far too low cut though, the one problem Alice had with it. Mary-Ann on the other hand wanted Alice out of that dress and into something modest as soon as possible. She knew not to tell her what to do, she had grown up repressed enough already, but she was still a mother.

"OK. But, like, listen; Allie's going out tonight! With that David guy, you know the mute one. She finally has something to do with her nights!" said Debbie happily as Alice blushed. Alice felt uncomfortable as her sister told her mother about what she was going to do. She wanted it to be private but in a way she was a bit happy that her mother knew. She didn't like to keep secrets from her real parents; they had been so good to her.

"I'm…very happy for you." Said Mary-Ann who was happy that her daughter was doing something normal but she wasn't exactly happy about the fact that her daughter was going to be alone with a boy somewhere. Alice caught the unsure tone in her mother's voice and grew worried.

"I-I c-c-can stay h-he-here if y-you want me t-t-to." Said Alice her stutter growing more and more pronounced from the worry. She secretly hoped that her mother told her to stay; the thought of doing something romantic with Roach both scared and excited her but the thought of having to choose between him and Fool scared her a bit.

"Oh, no you can go. Go, have fun! Be…normal." That last word came out unsure. Mary-Ann wasn't all too sure if she wanted her daughter to be completely normal. She liked her daughter the way she was; quiet, obedient, girly, and religious. She didn't much care for the fear, anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and the other problems her daughter had.

"OK real mother, I will." Said Alice as Debbie went back to spraying hairspray onto Alice's head. Alice caught the tone of her mother's voice and it worried her. She didn't sound angry, she sounded a bit unsure and almost sad. She didn't know what to do so she just say on her chair by her mirror and let Debbie work for lack of anything else. They stayed that way until their father came home. Alice thought that her father might be easier to tell because he had said that she could do whatever she wanted and he said that he was never going to hurt her. She deliberated on how to tell her father if Debbie didn't blurt it out first.

"Dinner! Get it before it gets hard and crusty!" said Mary-Ann loudly. Alice and Debbie walked downstairs to see fish sticks and French fries placed in front of them. Alice took her place at the table and glanced at her parents, then at the clock, then at her food nervously.

"Hey Allie, what are you all dressed up for? Hot date?" joked Ronald as he saw his daughter's semi appropriate attire. He assumed that she was exercising her right to free dress and he never in his wildest dreams thought that she would ever go on a date. It just didn't seem like his incredibly innocent daughter would ever do such a thing but then again she did lots of things that he didn't know about.

"Umm…" said Alice nervously as she looked down. She felt nervous telling her father and was even a bit afraid of what his reaction would be. So far he had loved her and never hurt her but as far as he knew she had been a good girl but now she was bring a bad girl.

"Well, I wouldn't call him hot but he's not gonna be bagging his head anytime soon." Said Debbie through a mouthful of food. Ronald looked at Debbie, then at Alice, then at Mary-Ann for confirmation. The liberal parent who wanted to make twelve years up with his daughter and the father inside of him had an internal battle. It was a draw.

"So…have I met him? Where are you going? When are you planning on coming back?" asked Ronald who wasn't sure how to feel at the time. He looked at Mary-Ann and the bottle of Jack Daniels in front of her told him that she wasn't all too sure either. His wife was drinking a bit more everyday and he feared that she was going to develop a drinking problem.

"Roach, I think you met him. We're going to see a movie he said and I guess that we're coming back when it's over." Mumbled Alice into her food as she dug at it with her spoon. Ronald and Mary-Ann both felt a bit better when they heard who the boy was. He had saved her a few times and they were grateful for that but then again he was a teenage boy and his mind was only on one thing.

"So…you have anything else planned?" asked Ronald who hoped to God that she wasn't planning on sleeping with him. Mary-Ann had the same thing on her mind and Debbie was getting a bit jealous at the attention that Alice was being given. She had never gotten that much attention when she went on her first date.

"No." said Alice not all that sure what her parents were getting at. Mary-Ann and Ronald exchanged looks filled with relief when she said that.

"Well, that's good. No one's gonna wanna buy the cow if they can get the milk for free." Said Ronald as he ate his food feeling a bit relived but still uncomfortable at the thought of his daughter on a date with a boy. He knew that they spent time together but it was purely platonic as far as he knew.

"Huh?" asked Alice who knew that it was an expression but she didn't know what it meant. That frustrated her but she didn't show it; she was good at hiding feelings like anger and frustration.

"It means that he'll never want a relationship with you if all you give him is sex." Said Debbie who laughed a bit at the fact that her parents thought that Alice was going to have sex. She had never met anyone more afraid of it than Alice. Well, it was less fear more nervousness and a bit of disgust when she thought about it.

"What?!" asked Alice almost spitting out a bit of food. She wanted to know what everyone assumed that she and Roach were going to have sex. It was at the top of her list of things that she wanted to know about people on the outside world. They seemed to have an obsession with sex that she couldn't understand for the life of her. She felt like she missed something important about it but she knew better than to ask.

"Let's stop talking about this; I think that we're making her nervous." Said Mary-Ann slurring a bit as she took another sip of her drink. She didn't consider it to be a developing problem, just a way to deal with the new stresses in her life. They ate almost silently and then they each went their own separate ways. Alice stationed herself by the door and looked up at the clock nervously. She began to twist her hair in her fingers and pace from the nervousness of the fact that she was going on a date and the slight fear that Roach might forget and not come. His memory went in and out sometimes and sometimes he'd forget half the day. She hoped that he wouldn't forget her and was overjoyed when she heard a tentative knock on her door.

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Roach was happy, scared, worried, and nervous all at the same time as he stood by the phone. He had hung up long ago but he lingered in the moment just to see if it was real. He was really going on a date with Alice! Oh God, he was going on a date with Alice! He was so nervous that Donna had to snap her fingers in front of him to snap him out of it.

"So, what'd she say? Yes or no?" asked Donna who didn't know what to make of her brother at that moment. She knew that he was happy when he was talking to her but now he seemed strange. Well, stranger than normal anyway. Roach nodded his head 'yes' still in shock over the whole thing. Was this a confirmation of her feelings for him? Or was she just so happy to do something with him that she'd do anything no matter what he called it? Or maybe she was just using him. No, that didn't sound like Alice but then again she hadn't been acting herself lately. Roach shook his head as if to physically get those thoughts out of his head.

"That's awesome! You better shower though and maybe put some cologne on. Oh, and you should wear a normal T-shirt with a blazer. And maybe you should push your hair up a bit while you're at it. You gotta you know, make yourself look nice." Said Donna. Roach nodded 'yes' and began to make his way to the bathroom to clean himself up. He was still in shock but now he was getting more and more worried that she wouldn't return his feelings or that he'd screw up big time and she'd find someone else. That thought made him freeze in terror. He didn't know how he'd deal with Alice loving another guy. He shook his head; he was getting angry about something that didn't even really happen. He entered the bathroom and began to run the water for his shower. It was luke warm, he wasn't ready for hot water yet and he didn't know how long he could tolerate an ice shower for.

'**Oh my God, this is real. I'm really going on a date with her. What do I say? What do I do? What do I wear? Oh right, Donna already told me what to wear. Oh, I hope I don't make a complete idiot out of myself. I hope I don't say or do the wrong thing and she doesn't return my feelings and she finds someone else. Someone good looking with money and a tongue, someone who can give her everything she'd ever want and more. Someone who isn't slave. Someone who's never had to-No! I have to stop going there! This is me not going there! I bet the man Alice would be with wouldn't have to worry about revisiting painful old memories. I hate you imaginary guy! Ok, now I'm starting to really loose it, I'm getting jealous of a figment of my own imagination.' **Thought Roach as he worked the soap all over his body. He decided to be the cleanest he had ever been in his life for her; even if it meant using a soap that bothered his skin. He loved her and he was going to show it by giving her the most romantic night of her life. He was nervous but happy and excited too but he was also worried. He was worried about what he was going to do and how he was going to do it. Would he make an idiot out of himself? Would he ruin her evening? Would he spill soda onto her dress and then try and wipe it off with a napkin only to realize that he was wiping it off of her chest and she'd slap him and storm off where she'd meet the man of her dreams and they'd ride off into the sunset on a white horse while 'Wind Beneath My Wings' was playing in the background?

'**Ok, that's probably not going to happen but I still have to make this the most perfect night ever! Oh God, I hope I don't screw up! I hope that she doesn't not return my feeling and she finds some other guy who's perfect. Wait, what if she goes to Fool?! I've seen the way he looks at her and if I didn't know any better I'd say that she returned those looks. Ok, now I'm just getting paranoid. I've got to stop thinking about this and focus on getting the grease out of my hair.' **Thought Roach as he worked shampoo into his hair. When he was satisfied with his level of cleanliness he stepped out of the shower and looked at himself in the mirror.

'**Hey, aside from the scars I don't look too bad. I could use a haircut though, better do that later but first I should probably get some hair stuff, cologne, and maybe even shave off the few facial hairs that I have even though it pains me to do show. Well, I guess it's like that song, 'Love is Like a Battlefield.' It really is when you think about it. Hmm, better brush my teeth too, they're a bit yellow.' **Thought Roach as he rooted through the medicine cabinet for what he needed. He tied a towel around his waist and began to brush his teeth so hard that his gums started to bleed. He put on two different kinds of deodorant and three different kinds of cologne. He worked some gel into his hair and pushed his bangs up.

"Lemme in, I gotta pee!" said Morgan loudly as he burst into the bathroom completely disregarding Roach. Roach turned the other way as Morgan did what he came in there to do. After Morgan finished he noticed Roach and blushed.

"Sorry, David. Uhh…don't tell mom and dad I busted in here, they don't like me doin' that and I'm already in enough trouble thanks to you."

"Whuh?" asked Roach who did know tat he had gotten Morgan in trouble. He knew that Morgan got himself in trouble attempting to frame him but that wasn't his fault really.

"Yeah, I got in trouble because they wouldn't blame you for the stuff I did. It's not fare!"

"Yeah." Said Roach agreeing with Morgan to get him out of there faster. He felt very self conscious and uncomfortable as he stood there in nothing but a towel.

"Hey, are you wearing cologne? What the heck are you wearing cologne for?" asked Morgan as he smelled the cologne that seemed to coat the room. Roach decided to tell him to get it over with and to get him out faster.

'_I have a date tonight if you absolutely must know.' _Wrote Roach after taking a bit of time to get his tiny notebook out of the pocket of the pants he had been wearing before his shower.

"With Alice?" asked Morgan not quite believing that his brother could get a date.

"Yeah." Said Roach as he began to floss his teeth hoping that Morgan would take that as a cue to leave. He had no such luck as a million and one questions went through Morgan's mind. He was at that curious age and his father was of little to no help to him because he was ten but he hoped that he could get some answers out of his brother who he assumed had probably been around the block a few times with Alice.

"Are gonna kiss her? You know, with what's left of your tongue." Said Morgan as he sat on the side of the tub. Roach turned around and gave him a look.

'_I don't see how that's really any of your business Morgan now please leave me alone.'_ Wrote Roach who didn't really want to get into the intimate details of his love life with his younger brother.

"C'mon, yes or no? I promise I won't tell!"

'_Maybe, now please go away so I can finish getting clean.'_

"Have you guys ever done that before?" said Morgan who was quite curious. He wondered just how far his brother could stick his tongue stump out but he wondered even more why anybody would want to put their tongue in anybody else's mouth. The whole thing sounded rather gross to him but it was also oddly exciting.

'_Once, now please for the love of God leave me be.' _Said Roach who didn't like person questions but wasn't going to push Morgan out. As much of a jerk Morgan was to him he wasn't going to hurt the little guy. They were brothers whether he liked it or not so they had to at least be civil.

"What's it like?" asked Morgan quietly. He wanted to get all the answers and it seemed like his brother was the best place to go for them. Roach looked at him for a while trying to see if he was for real about this. He didn't look like he was asking just to be a jerk; he looked like he was really curious about matters concerning the opposite sex.

'_It's like a regular kiss only way more intimate.'_ Wrote Roach thinking for a bit for a good answer. He was beginning to feel less annoyed by his brother's questions, he felt a bit honored that he was being asked and not their father. It made him feel older, like a man.

"Uhhuh, and what's a regular kiss like?" asked Morgan who had seen plenty of girls naked, on video anyway, but he had never even kissed one. Roach didn't have to think too much on that one.

'_Like you're walking on air and everything around you stands still. The only thing that matters is you and her and that perfect moment.' _Wrote Roach who knew very well what it was like to kiss a girl.

"Is that how you felt when you kissed Fool?" asked Morgan before he could censor himself. Roach glared at him, he was trying to forget that. He was trying to forget the soft but still rather unpleasant feel of the other boy's lips over his and Morgan just had to go and bring it up.

"Yeah, I'm…uh…sorry about the whole making him kiss you thing. It was wrong of me but still pretty funny." Said Morgan who was only half sorry but was apologizing to stay on Roach's good side. Roach knew that it was only a half hearted apology but he accepted it knowing that it was the best he was going to get out of his brother.

"How did it feel when you kissed him anyway? Was it like kissing Alice or what was it like?"

'_Horrible. I hated it and I'm still a little mad at you for making him fall into me like that.'_

"I didn't mean to make him fall into you; I just wanted to make room on the couch for me."

'_Fine, I forgive you. Now please Morgan, leave me be.'_

"Fine but I'm not all too sure that you should be wearing so much cologne. You smell like Dad after New Year." And with the Morgan left. Roach smelt himself and realized that Morgan was right; he smelled like a French brothel. He washed some of the cologne off and went to his room to get dressed. Everything from his shirt to his boxers had to be perfect. He took almost an hour getting dressed in various shirts and pants before he found something that went well with his father's good black blazer that he was happy to borrow. He went downstairs to wait for the time to come for him to pick her up. Donna had apparently told his mother and she had told him not to get her pregnant and that his father would be chauffeuring them around because she didn't like him walking around outside during the evening. Roach wanted to object but he decided to be a good boy and go along with whatever his mother told him. Amanda felt saddened and happy at the same time because of the whole situation. She was happy because her son had found someone to love him and sad because he wasn't a little boy anymore. She wanted him to be a little boy again but she knew that she couldn't turn back time. That night she made a three course dinner with each course being some variation of corn.

"Son, you look…presentable." Said David Sr. choosing the right word carefully as he saw his son in a dark blue T-shirt, black blazer, and semi formal pants. The boy looked decent and better than normal but he smelled vaguely like a French brothel.

"So, what time you tell her?" asked David Sr. Roach held up seven fingers and then began to bite his lower lip from stress. He was very nervous about the whole thing. He thought that he was going to screw it all up and ruin the whole evening. He knew that it was going be awkward and he just wanted it to be like a normal outing between them.

"I'm takin' you, your mother told you that, right?" asked David Sr. as Roach nodded yes. He was nervous, too nervous to even eat because he was afraid that it might come back up. He didn't really want his father there with him but he wasn't going to say anything abut that, he was too good a boy.

"Yeah, I won't bother you guys to much and if I had it my way I wouldn't go anywhere you two tonight but your mother worries a lot."

'_I know.'_

"Yeah, we better get going soon and don't worry, I won't stop you guys from doing what you're gonna do if it doesn't go too far. Trust me son, you don't want kids at your age, I know I didn't" David Sr. muttered the last part under his breath but Roach still heard it and it hurt his feelings just a bit. He decided not to dwell on it too much though, he always knew that he and Donna were accidents and he accepted that. Roach resumed being nervous as his father left. He considered calling the whole thing off but decided against it. He began to pace the floor like a trapped animal until his father told him that being fashionably late was never a good idea. He sat in the back seat of his father's wood paneled station wagon biting his nails and scratching at the half healed burn on his arm. He considered jumping out of the moving car and running away to Tahiti until it all boiled over but he decided that that was crazy talk and just sat back and attempted to relax. Well, relax as much as one possibly can when their father is driving like a manic and singing along with the oldies station. Roach felt his heart stop as they pulled into Alice's driveway and it took his father two attempts to get him out of his thoughts and up her front steps. On a second thought Roach decided to pick one of the tulips that grew on the property line to give to her; he just hoped that no one noticed.

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'**Seven oh one, he's not coming! He forgot! Oh God, this is just too much! All that work for nothing! I'm gonna cry! Oh God!' **thought Alice as she paced her hallway floor in front of her front door, occasionally looking through the tiny window or the mail slot to see if he was there yet. Her family had decided to give her some space. Debbie watched her though and giggled at her nervousness. When the doorbell finally rang at seven oh five Alice nearly had a heart attack. She opened that door and was instantly happy. Roach stood in her doorway, pink tulip in hand.

"Come in, come in." said Alice as Roach felt the money in his pocket to see if it was still there. He had all fifty dollars of his life savings with him and he was going to be really angry at himself if he lost it.

'**It looks like it could be in a commercial for something clean.' **Thought Roach as he looked at the neatness that was Alice's house. Alice took the flower and went to go put it in some water. She vaguely thought that it looked like one of the flowers that grew on the line that separated her house's yard from her neighbor's house's yard. As she left Roach's father came up to the boy and that made Roach a bit nervous.

"So, you want to marry my daughter?" joked Ronald as Roach's jaw dropped. Who said anything about marriage? He hoped that Alice didn't tell her family about the little conversation that they had concerning the matter of marriage.

"I'm just kidding!" said Ronald which made Roach a bit less nervous. He had only met Alice's father a few times in passing and had never carried on an actual conversation with the man.

"Listen, I need to talk to you about something important concerning my daughter." Said Ronald. That worried Roach a bit but he still stood there silently in front of Alice's father.

'**What could he possibly want to talk to me about concerning Alice? I hope that she didn't tell him about the very intimate moment we had on my bed, I don't think that a conversation about that would end well for anyone involved. Ok, stay calm David. Remember, calmness is key.' **Thought Roach as he shrank under Alice's father's gaze. Ronald actually found the boy's nervousness to be a bit funny but then was not the time or the place for fun and games. He needed to ask the boy about what Alice had told him.

"Did you really shoot him?" said Ronald cutting to the chase. Roach's eyes widened but he shook off the shock quickly and nodded 'yes' quickly. He wondered why Alice had told him about that and he was getting much more nervous. He didn't like to think too much about the day he had almost become Daddy. There were parallels between him and Daddy that he hated thinking about. They both even played by the same rules except Daddy didn't care about fairness or even the well being of the person he was trying to protect.

"He was gonna rape her, right?" said Ronald quietly. Roach looked down at the ground and nodded 'yes' not quite liking where the conversation went. Ronald let out a huffy breath and shifted his weight from nervousness.

"But he didn't, you stopped him, right?" said Ronald fearing the worst. Roach got out his tiny notebook and scribbled a message down quickly.

'_I put the fear of God into him, so to speak. He never touched her but he thought about it a lot. He called out her name once when he was with Mommy and Mommy got mad and punished Alice but he never touched her so I'm asking you not to bring it up because I really don't want to have to explain what that means to her.'_ Ronald turned seven shades of read when he read that but he was grateful that Alice had been spared that one suffering.

"I'm glad she likes you." Said Ronald. And with that he left just as Alice came in after a long search for a vase.

"(Shall we?)" asked Roach as he offered her his hand. She took it and blushed. He blinked a few times and led her out the door, the previous awkwardness lost and replaced by a new awkwardness.

"Try and be back before midnight, or whenever you want. I'm not going to force you to do anything!" said Ronald as he closed the door. He was happy that his daughter had found someone who seemed to have her best interests at heart but he was nervous that she was out with a boy. He was still her father after all.

"You drove here? I didn't know that you could drive." Said Alice. Roach pointed to his father who looked bored in the front seat of the car. Roach opened the car door for her and she got in.

"Hey, I'm not gonna bother you kids so just do whatever you want back there. I'm not even gonna use the rear view mirrors." Said David Sr. making Roach blush. Alice gave him questioning look and Roach gave her a shrug. David Sr. backed out of Alice driveway and hit the garbage cans by the sidewalk.

"Please be just a stray dog, please be just a stray dog." Muttered David Sr. as he drove recklessly. Alice and Roach sat awkwardly in the backseat, neither of them quite sure what to do. They sat a bit farther apart than normal and they were both more nervous than they had ever been before around each other. It was real. They were going on a real date together. That thought seemed to scare and excite both of them but they didn't even look at each other. They didn't speak to each other either for fear of saying things they knew better than to say. Roach wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted to tell her how she was the light in his sky, the only person he had ever felt that wonderful feeling called love for. Well, that was only a half truth but he was beginning to forget Headbanger and he didn't get that same strange feeling thinking of her that he got when he thought of Alice. Alice wanted to tell him that he was the possible father of her supposed baby and currently in competition with Fool for her love. She also wanted to shout that she loved him at the top of her lungs. She risked a glance at him and blushed. He looked so good to her then and he brought that funny feeling back ten fold. He even smelled better if not a bit overbearing. He returned her glance and she blushed and turned away. He then noticed what she was wearing. It was a semi tight and low cut red dress that obviously belonged to her mother or her sister. Roach could see everything fun that she had and it made him actually want her. That thought scared him a bit, Alice was just too innocent to want but he couldn't stop his mind from conjuring the mental images or his eyes from resting on her chest. He could see the very top of her bra and the tops of her breasts. He loved it. He turned his eyes away hoping that she didn't catch him looking at her; his father had advised him against looking down women's shirts and dresses. He looked down and saw that her dress had ridden up a bit and he remembered the way her silken thigh felt against his calloused hand as he moved it up until he reached the cotton material of her-no! he had to stop thinking about Alice because it was becoming quite apparent what he was thinking about. Unknown to Roach Alice knew that he was looking at her and she liked it. She loved the goose bumps she got when she felt his eyes on her chest. She looked over at him and saw that he was looking out the window. She looked down and bushed as she remembered what that particular part of his body felt like when they were on his bed and he was almost on top of her. They were thrown from their thoughts when they arrived at their destination.

'**Ok, this is it. Stay calm, David. Stay calm and think unsexy thoughts, lots of unsexy thoughts Ok, uh…naked old ladies…uh…the time I accidentally saw Mommy and Daddy doing their sick version of 'it', Ok, it's working. Uh…Messenger giving me fellatio. Oh God, now that's unsexy! Thank God I've seen so many things that are just plain disturbing in my lifetime. Ok, I just gotta make it through tonight without screwing up or getting hard again. Just stay calm. Calmness is key.' **Thought Roach as he walked her in, his father thankfully paying for everything and then going to see his own movie. He really didn't want to see what they did together in the dark.

'**OK, I just have to make it through tonight with him. This is normal, we've seen movies before together and we've seen this movie about five or six times so this is alright and normal. Oh, if this is so normal then why do I feel so strange?! Ok, I just have to act normal. Normalness is key. I just have to ignore how much I want him almost on top of me again and how good his muscles feel through his coat and how good it felt when his thing pressed up against me. I can ignore those things, right?' **thought Alice as she took her seat and sipped her soda idly. Roach was so nervous that he almost spilled his soda on her and he was very grateful when the movie finally started. Alice ate her popcorn and she was so nervous a piece fell down her shirt. Roach's first instinct was to reach in and get it out of there but he ignored it and Alice who was almost hoping that he would let out a sad sigh and got it out herself. As they watched the movie Roach got an idea. He yawned an exaggerated yawn and put an arm around her. She smiled and rested her head on his shoulder.

'**Ok, this is going well. I haven't screwed up, I haven't embarrassed myself or her and my father is thankfully not here. Yup, I can think of a million worse ways that this can be going. She's even putting her head on my shoulder. That's a good sign right? Seems like it. This really isn't so different than when we do stuff together as friends.'** Thought Roach as he ran a hand through Alice's hair. She moaned a bit and got herself comfortable. This was perfect to her. The theatre was almost empty and she was in an intimate position with Roach without getting overly intimate. She knew at that moment that she was going to pick him. It just felt so perfect sitting next to him watching one of her favorite movies and eating popcorn.

'**This is perfect! I've never been more sure of anything in my life as I'm sure of him. I know who I'm gonna pick now. Roach. I've never been more sure of anything in my life as I'm sure that I love him. Does this mean that he loves me back. He doesn't need to say it, I feel it in my heart that he does. Speaking of hearts I can feel his. It's beating so fast and so loud. Just like mine.' **Thought Alice as she sat with Roach loving him more then than she had ever loved him before. They both wanted to tell each other how they felt but they just couldn't get the words out. They just sat there occasionally eating popcorn or sipping drinks. No words had to be exchanged, they both knew how the other person was feeling. They stayed that way for the rest of the movie feeling a bit awkward but the moment also felt right. They rode home together in complete silence and Alice began to get more and more nervous as they got closer and closer to her house. Roach was nervous too, they both knew exactly what was coming; the kiss. It was mandatory and they both hoped that Roach's father didn't look. It was going to be a personal moment between him and Alice and he didn't want an audience. They both got out and Roach took her hand and led her up to her front door. They looked at each other for a moment before Alice impulsively kissed him on the cheek. Roach blushed and then put his hand on the side of her face. He tilted her head up as he gave her a tender kiss. He inhaled a bit which only made it better for her. She opened her mouth and pushed her tongue past her lips. She loved to kiss him like that, it was so intimate. He parted his lips and teeth and he allowed her inside of his mouth. There on her front step under the florescent glow of her porch light their tongues danced. David Sr. risked a glance and looked and then turned around quickly, his face burning red but he was also proud of his son. He knew exactly what was going on between them and decided to tell his son about privacy as soon as he came back. Roach and Alice looked at each other, the words that they wanted to say at the tips of their tongues but they couldn't bring themselves to say them. The bid each other goodbye and Alice suggested that they go out again soon. Roach said that he was going to keep it in mind. When he got back to his father's car he didn't notice his father's red face, he was in his own little happy bubble.

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"This fun!" said Messenger as Eloise's car went over some speed bumps. He had stopped crying as soon as the car started going up and down. It was like that ambulance he had gone to the hospital and it was even more like the van he had been brought to the institution in. he was still very sad about leaving Headbanger but when he told Eloise and his new family member Carolina this they said that he could visit her. This made him very happy but the sadness still hung in the back of his mind. To try and get rid of the sadness he repeated his mother's rhyme over and over in his head.

"Messenger?" asked Carolina as she saw Messenger start to look a bit queasy.

"Yes, new person Carolina?" asked Messenger as the car hit several bumps. He liked this Carolina person so far; she seemed nice and had even given him some crayons. She still looked at him with sad eyes but he was used to people either looking at him with sad eyes, like they wanted him, or just plain hawking at him. He liked being looked at by the outsiders; that meant that they noticed him and he liked being noticed.

"Just Carolina is alright and are you feeling OK?" asked Carolina who didn't really want to have to help clean vomit up out of a new car. She was trying hard to warm up to the person that would now become part of her family but something about him made her very uneasy.

"Messenger feel happy 'cause he gonna live with you and sad 'cause Messenger gotta leave Headbanger and new baby person Miracle but Messenger happy that Messenger gonna see Headbanger and new baby person Miracle again and Messenger having fun but Messenger getting a little sick and he think he gonna throw up." Said Messenger after a bit of deliberation. Eloise blinked at all of the information given to her but she shook it off; it was just something that she was going to have to get used to.

"Eloise, could you slow down. I think he might throw up." Said Carolina. She repeated herself a few times before Eloise got the jist of it and slowed down. She was in her own world at the moment having second thoughts about bringing him to live with her. She still wanted vindication but it was obvious that he was going to be a lot of work. He wasn't even all the way housebroken for Christ's sake! There was that and also she was reliving her past and it was bringing up old wounds and making her be hyper aware of the old ones inflicted upon her from her years in the Robeson house.

"Now Messenger know he gonna throw up!" said Messenger before throwing up on himself. Eloise shook her head and pulled over. Carolina helped him out of his shirtand into her sweater. Messenger apologized repeatedly but he was assured that there wouldn't be any punishment. They began to drive again and Messenger suddenly felt hungry. Without even thinking he began to eat his own vomit off of his shirt. Eloise and Carolina were too deep in conversation to notice him as he did what he had done so many times before to survive.

"We're here!" said Carolina cheerfully as she opened the door. Messenger fell out as he tried to get out but he was instantly helped up. He suddenly felt panic grip him as he looked around at all of the wide opened space. He took his sunglasses off and looked at the blinding brightness of the world he had been denied.

"Messenger, don't do that until you get inside. OK?" said Eloise as she noticed the panic that Messenger was feeling. She had felt ruffly the same panic after she escaped the cellar after a year of confinement. She knew that it must have been on an extreme magnitude for Messenger who had never been out into the world once in his life.

"Yes Eloise person. Messenger not do that 'til Messenger get inside." Said Messenger in that oddly alto voice of his. She grabbed onto Eloise's skirt and she grimaced as a bit of his vomit rubbed off onto it. He began to panic as he looked around but his panic subsided a bit when he entered the house. It was small and small places were good in his mind. They decided to follow him silently as he looked around. He knew what some of the things were from what the people who got into the walls brought down to him and from watching Boss' TV when he wasn't supposed to but other things completely alluded him. He walked past a mirror and was frightened as another person came into view.

"Hello." Said Messenger as the other boy said the same thing back to him

"Messenger. Me Messenger. Who you?" Said Messenger as he pointed to himself. He was amazed as the other boy did the same thing. The other boy was pale and hunched over. His red hair was cut unevenly, there was a bit of vomit on his pants, and he was in a light blue sweater.

"Please, just let him be." Said Eloise as she noticed Carolina about to say something. This both fascinated and terrified her, but then again so did Messenger. Eloise wanted to let Messenger figure things out for himself and she was even a bit amused by what she was seeing. It was almost like he was a small child.

"It's like he's never seen a mirror before."

"He probably hasn't, he's been locked up his whole life, whaddaya expect?"

"We dressed same and called Messenger, why that?" asked Messenger to his reflection. It was starting to scare him that there was another before in what looked like a backwards version of the same room that was just like him. He reached a shaking hand out to his reflection and almost jumped back when the other boy reached toward him. They touched hands but the other boy's hand felt smooth and cool. This scared Messenger and he ran away to the other side of the room.

"Don't be scared, it's just your reflection." Said Carolina who felt bad for him. She led him over to the mirror and stood next to him. Messenger touched the glass again and so did Carolina. He was then put at ease, he had only seen himself reflected vaguely in the filthy water. Messenger began to explore the rest of the house and found many fascinating things that he touched and tasted and anything else he could do to explore them.

"This is your room, Messenger." Said Eloise as she opened a simple wooden door. His room was a guest room and all it had was a bed and dresser but that didn't stop Messenger from exploring that small space too. He got up on the bed after a few tries and some help. He marveled at how soft it was and felt his eyes grow heavy. He was much more tired than he thought and he instantly fell asleep onto of the covers, smiling as he thought of what his new life would be like.

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Wow, things are finally going good for Messenger and yes he and Roach will cross paths. See that nifty little review button down there, for the love of God use it!


	29. Eloise really should learn to shutup

Disclaimer: I own the rights to nothing!

Messenger looked around his new room. He had just woken up and was trapped on his bed. Well, not trapped if he was a normal person who was used to getting in and out of beds that were at normal height but he had only gotten in and out of his hospital type bed with steps and guard rails.

'**Oh great, now Messenger stuck! Messenger gonna stay up hear until he die! Yes, yes! Yes! Wait, that not good thing. Why Messenger stuck? He get up just fine. Well, kinda just fine. It probably 'cause he look up not down when he get up. Miss old bed, old bed have stairs and railings. This bed only got metal at top and bottom. Maybe if Messenger get down slow like.' **And Messenger did just that. He slid off on his stomach and went down slowly until his feet touch the ground. He let go of the bedspread and fell on his back.

"Bad floor! Messenger punish now!" said Messenger and he began to punch the hardwood floor for hurting his back. He stopped only when his hand started to turn red. He didn't want to damage his hands; he needed them in his line of work. He was part of the leader's harem but he was known for turning tricks for those who had food or something he wanted.

"What box for?" asked Messenger out loud as he spotted his chest of drawers. He wasn't all too sure how to open drawers, he had never even see drawers before but he decided to wing it and pull on the knobs. His drawers came open quickly starling him but he calmed down when he saw all of the clothes. Surely these people didn't expect him to wear clothes! He had never worn clothes in his life unless there wasn't any heat in the house when one of the upstairs children was being punished. He usually covered himself with a thread bare blanket that he also slept on when he wasn't sharing someone else's space. He picked some clothes up and tossed them on the floor until he came to a blue T-shirt.

"Blue! Sky! Sky shirt! Shirt sky! This nice, it soft. Thing I wear now itchy, should change. Gotta wear clothes, Messenger outsider now. Wish mother here but she dead. Make Messenger sad. Messenger gotta stop talking 'bout her. Messenger gotta change shirt. Yes, yes, yes!" said Messenger who was talking just to hear himself speak. He began to try and undo the buttons on the sweater he was wearing. It wasn't easy but due to his time in the institute and what was done to him he had some idea of how to do buttons. He struggled to get dressed and after a long while he did. He liked this color, blue. It reminded him of the vast sky. He explored the room that was his by walking along the walls picking things up and exploring tacitly with his hands and by sticking things in his mouth. He walked all along the walls of his small room before he came through the door. He knew what a door was, it was something to keep him in. he felt sad that he was to be kept in this small space but it was also comforting, it reminded him of his old home in the cellar. To his amazement the door was opened just a crack. He opened the door all the way and stepped out into the hallway. He felt scared but at the same time excited. He had explored the old house above the cellar occasionally by going through the walls but he had always been too afraid to do it for long. He began to walk down the hallway until he came to a door. Curiosity got the best of him and he slowly pushed the door open. There was a bed, a large oak wardrobe, a desk covered in papers, a rug that was white at one point in time, several newspaper clippings tacked to a bulletin board that all had to do with the Robeson's, and a baby doll in a crib in the corner. Messenger walked to the desk and picked up a paper. He wished that he could read as he squinted at the squiggles on the page that made absolutely no sense to him.

'**Wonder who this room goes to. Maybe new person Carolina? She nice and smell good. Wish Messenger could read but Messenger slave not scribe. Scribe read, he read good. He suck good too but Messenger suck better! Wow, that a big bed! It soft. This very nice house but wonder where cellar. Should see people in cellar, maybe they need a Messenger slave boy fuck toy? Maybe, Messenger best there ever was after all. Should see other places and maybe meet thing between walls here. Hope thing between walls like Cockroach, Messenger like Cockroach. He damn sexy!' **thought Messenger as he explored the room. After going through everything and making a bit of a mess he left to do more exploring. He walked down the hallway until he came to a staircase. It was the same as with the bed, easier going up than down. He decided to try to go downstairs as he griped the railing as hard as he could and almost slipped when he took the first step. He managed to make it almost halfway down before falling down the stairs. He tumbled down which attracted the attention of Eloise, Carolina, and Eloise's adoptive brother Marc who had come to see Messenger.

"Wow!" said Messenger who was in pain but the fall had been exciting and terrifying. His nose was bloody, his pants were ripped, and he was bruised in many places. It was Marc that got to him first and he was amazed at the small person who laid at the bottom of the stairs. He was so small and pale, he was like a child.

"Oh my God!" said Eloise loudly as she rushed toward Messenger. Messenger got up and stood looking at everyone curiously. He didn't understand why everyone looked so scared, it wasn't like he hadn't ever been in pain before.

"What happened to him?!" asked Carolina as she looked at Messenger who seemed to be perfectly fine if you didn't count the bloody nose. He look at them curiously before he noticed Marc. Desire over took him as he looked at the other man who actually looked more like a man than him. He could only stare at him, he wasn't sure what to do. He learned from the white coats that it was OK to fuck some people but if he did it to others or let them do it to him they could get in trouble. Marc noticed the staring but he took it as a result of Messenger's isolation.

"He fell, ma. C'mon kid, let's get you cleaned up." Said Marc as he took Messenger's hand and led him to the kitchen. Messenger allowed himself to be led ad he watched the other man's muscles strain against his shirt. It was then that Messenger was grateful that his pants were a size too big.

"Messenger honey, next time you ask for help waling down the stairs. Do you think that you can do that?" said Carolina as she wet a rag. Messenger nodded but he didn't take his eyes off of Marc who was beginning to shift uncomfortably under Messenger unwavering gaze. Eloise noticed and motioned for Marc to follow her into the hallway.

"Listen, if he tries something don't freak out or anything. And for the love of God don't take him up on his offer! You got it?" said Eloise as she crossed her arms. Marc stared at her in shock. She actually thought that he was going to do something with Messenger? Well, she was right to have her fears about Messenger and how indiscriminant he was but it wasn't like Marc was going to try anything on him.

"Fine, I'll try not to freak out and you honestly thought that I'd try something with him?! C'mon Ellie, he's about the size of a little kid and I'm not gay!"

"I never said that you were I'm just-I-you know why I got him so fast don't you?"

"Because the people who were supposed to be taking care of him are perverts."

"Exactly and he wasn't exactly…unwilling either but then again there is no willing or unwilling with him. He's been doing things like that his entire life! And it's my fault!"

"How the fucking hell is it your fault?!"

"He's my daughter's son and what she was used for he was used for. In that place in the cellar there's…well it's like a caste system but it's kinda not because an extremely small amount of babies born down there lived to see their first birthday. If I hadn't-If I could have-If-If-!"

"Listen, it ain't your fault so will you quite beating yourself up over this?! The past is the past but look, they're all free now and those Robeson's are probably going to get the chair."

"I know that you're trying to make me feel better but we don't execute in this state. Thanks anyway, I feel better but I-I just can't stay here. I've got work to do at this trial anyway."

"Wait, they're letting you prosecute your own siblings?"

"The judge and the rest of the court don't know that I'm their sister. As far as they're concerned I'm just another lawyer. Besides, it's not them I'm representing."

"Who then?"

"Some family who's son was kidnapped by my sister called the Cullen's." and with that Eloise went to put a portfolio of the case together. She didn't want to be around Messenger right then and she wondered how if she couldn't face him then then how was she going to live with him for the rest of her natural life? She shook her head as if to physically dislodge those thoughts from her mind. Marc wanted to tell her to stay but thought against it. He knew not to bother his adoptive sister when she was trying to sort things out. He went into the kitchen and saw Messenger on his hands and knees watching the cat eat its food.

"Shh, fur person trying to eat." Said Messenger as Marc walked into the room. He and Carolina exchanged a look before observing Messenger some more. As the cat ate he ventured closer to it. He had no idea what this new creature was, it looked like the dog Prince but smaller and it was built differently, so he called it fur person. He reached out and rubbed the cat's soft, white fur. The cat turned around and licked his hand causing hi to jump back and hide under the kitchen table. Marc chuckled a bit and Carolina elbowed him before getting as close to Messenger as her arthritis would allow.

"It's a cat and her name is Snowball. Don't worry, if your nice to her then she won't scratch or bite you." Said Carolina trying to coax Messenger out of his hiding place. Messenger crawled out slowly and reached his hand over to Snowball again. She licked and sniffed him again before going back to her food. Messenger smiled after deciding that he had made a new friend. He took a bit of the cat food in his hand and ate it much to everyone horrification.

"Messenger, no! That's cat food!" said Carolina as she pulled his hand away

"That food's not for you!" said Marc as he got a rag and wiped Messenger's hand clean. Messenger sat there passively just looking at him and loving the proximity that they were to each other. Messenger was also a bit confused but he didn't think much of it; he knew very well that some food wasn't for him because he was a slave and tops always ate better than the slaves so he assumed that outsiders ate better than slaves too.

"If you're so hungry I'll start making everyone some dinner." Said Carolina as she started to take some food out of the cupboards.

"Messenger hungry." Said Messenger as he watched her take some food out of the cupboards. He felt the familiar pain of hunger but he ignored it like he had ignored it all of his life. He began to stare at Marc again and Marc began to shift under his gaze. Messenger smiled a bit but not too much. He was trying to gauge Marc's interest in him as he had been gauging the interest of all the people he had ever been around.

"Well, uhh…hey! I heard that you liked to color so I got you somethin'." Said Marc uncomfortably. Messenger smiled and went as quickly as he could to Marc invading his personal space. Messenger may have only gone up to about his stomach but it still didn't feel comfortable to him to have him so close. Messenger began to wonder what Marc could have gotten for him. Usually when people wanted him to suck them off they'd juts come out and say it but outsiders were different in that respect as well as a few others.

"Marc, may I speak to you in private?" asked Carolina as she and Marc left the kitchen. She knew what Messenger was thinking and she wasn't going to let that happen to him. What had been happening to Messenger had completely disgusted her and prompted her to sue everyone involved with him weather or not they had been doing things with him. Messenger was confused but he stayed put in the kitchen and saw some raw meat on the table. He smiled, took a piece, and ate it right there. He ate it quickly, grateful for that little piece of home. As soon as he began to eat it he felt more at home and he was even happier. He wasn't an outsider; he was a person from under the stairs.

"What ma and do you hear chewing?" asked Marc who could have sworn that he heard chewing sounds coming from the kitchen. Carolina heard it too and she didn't want to know what Messenger might have been doing in there without supervision.

"I'll deal with whatever he's doing in there later but right now I need to make something perfectly clear; he may be an adult but he's not consenting." Said Carolina who really didn't think that she needed to tell her son about that but she also knew that you never knew who would do something to Messenger. That was why she wasn't planning on letting him be a full adult as long as he lived under her roof. He was basically an adult stuck in an older child's body with a sexualized child's mindset and there were people in the world who would try and take advantage of him.

"Mother! Why the hell would you even think that I'd-!" stared Marc who was now thoroughly offended. First Eloise and then Carolina was warning him not to touch Messenger. He may have done some bad stuff in his lifetime but using someone as obviously insane and childlike as Messenger wasn't going to be on that list.

"You and I both know that it's better to be safe than sorry and I have something else to say to you; when you give him those crayons you got for him you better make it perfectly clear that you don't ant sex with him."

"Fine but I would never use Messenger for that and I'm offended that you would even think something like that about me."

"I'm sorry but you can never be too sure when it comes to that boy."

"Mom, he's in his mid twenties. He's a man."

"Yup, a less than five foot tall man."

"How tall is he, anyway?"

"Four foot something."

"And he's how old?"

"About twenty five or twenty six."

"I'm gonna kill that Robeson guy, you know that, right?"

"Marc, if you didn't kill him when you figured out what he did to Eloise than how are you gonna kill him now?"

"With a gun and I was just a kid then. Now I'm a full grown man not that much younger than him and I'm gonna kill 'em"

"Honey, let's let the American justice system punish him. I don't need another child in jail."

"Fine. I think we should go see what he's doing in there, he might be eating cat food again." And with that Marc and Carolina went to the kitchen to see the pile of raw meat a little bit smaller and Messenger wiping his mouth with the hem of hi shirt. Carolina and Marc exchanged looks before deciding that they weren't going to say anything but as a new rule any raw meat would be put out of his reach. Messenger waved when he saw them enter the room and he walked right up to them. He stood so close that their personal space was invaded once again.

"Listen, I got you a notebook and a box of sixty four color crayons but I don't want anything sexual from you. You got that, not sex. I'm giving this to you because I want to be your friend, nothing else. You can't have sex with family." Said Marc as he handed Messenger that crayons and paper from the table. Messenger took them gratefully and then put them down on the table and hugged Marc. That was one of the things that he liked best about the outside world; there was physical affection with not strings attached. It wasn't that Messenger didn't like being a fuck toy for whoever wanted him, he loved it because he felt important and got reverence, it was just that there was none of the feeling that he got when he and his late husband had sex and it made him depressed in the after glow.

"No fuck family, Messenger got it." Said Messenger a bit disappointed about the new rule. If he couldn't be someone's sex object than what could he possibly ever be? He had been a sex object his entire life and knew nothing else so as those words left Marc's mouth he felt a twinge of fear creep into him as his entire world shook.

"And no eating raw meat either." Said Carolina as she saw the bloody fingerprints on her previously immaculate countertop. She wasn't going to say anything before but she then remembered all of the parasites and diseases that could be caught from eating raw meat. Messenger had a number of parasites inside of him and he had several tapeworms removed surgically.

"Then what Messenger gonna eat?" asked Messenger who was worried that he was going to starve at his new home. He had never starved before, swallowing load after load kept him alive as well as eating rats, mice, and a number of other animals, but since he wasn't allowed to do anything with family and he wasn't allowed to eat the food he was sure he was going to die unless he found some rats or something else of that nature.

"Other things. Like these crackers I'm going to give you to hold you over for dinner." Said Carolina as she gave Messenger a handful of plain crackers. Messenger looked at the food in awe. Crackers were something that only the leader was permitted to eat. The only time he had ever even tasted a cracker was when he had tongue kissed Boss after he ate one. He took his food gratefully and then began to explore the house with Marc not too far behind. He walked down the hallway until he came to the cellar door. He opened it up and Marc helped him down the stairs. He began to look around and he wished that he had the flashlight that he had stolen off of a dead boy that spoke evil some years back.

"Hello! Anybody there!" yelled Messenger loudly, his eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness. He felt so at home when he was in the cold, damp, dark cellar. He wanted so desperately to be part of the under the stairs society that he assumed existed under the stairs of his new home. He knew that Eloise had siblings so he assumed that some of them must have seen, or heard, or spoke evil and there had had their bad part cut out and was placed in the cellar.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Marc as he watched Messenger with interest. He had a good idea of what Messenger was trying to do and he was going to tell the boy that there were no people being locked up in the cellar.

"The peoples under that stairs. Why they no talk back? They all got their tongues cut out?" said Messenger as he began to look behind some old boxes that were full of old eight track tapes.

"Messenger, there are not any people under the stairs here. Normal people don't keep people corralled under their stairs now c'mon, lets go upstairs before the mold down here gets to us." And with that Marc helped Messenger up the stairs and to the kitchen where Eloise was cooking the dinner. Messenger sat the table and colored pages of the notebook various colors until his meal was ready. Eloise came down and gave him a sad look. He thought nothing of it, that was how most outsiders looked at him. When the family began to say grace he just dug into his meat and mashed potatoes with both hands. No one tried to stop him because he looked just as savage as all the others looked when he ate. He stuffed as much food as possible into his mouth as quickly as he could. He licked his plate and attempted to eat it when he was done. Eloise put more food on his plate and he ate until he almost threw up. After that he was given a bath by Eloise like he was a small child and Eloise tried her best not to look at the scars, scratch marks, hickeys both fading and new, and just the general state of his body. After his bath he was allowed to watch some TV before going to bed. He knew what TV was because the leader and some of the more favored tops were allowed to watch it. He stared at the familiar CNN channel until he was put back into the bed. He got out and took his blanket with him and slept in the corner like he had done some many times before. He rolled himself into a ball and began to mutter as he began to feel homesick.

"The bugs crawl in, the bugs crawl out. In the stomach and out the mouth." Said Messenger quietly as he cried a bit. He fell asleep remembering the life he used to lead.

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Roach walked back to his father's car smiling like an idiot showing all of his teeth and Alice's lipstick that smeared on his mouth from their deep and less than innocent kiss in the moonlight. He didn't even register the fact that he was walking backwards. All that mattered was him and Alice and he was happy like that.

"David Jr., sit up front. We got some stuff we need to talk about." Said David Sr. as he opened the door for his son. He needed to tell him that there was a time and a place to kiss someone like that and on his date's front porch where the world could see was not the best place. Roach sat down still smiling like an idiot. He swallowed and the taste of Alice's tongue went down his throat with her saliva but he could still taste her. That confirmed it. That to him confirmed her feelings for him and he was happy about that. He was more than happy, he felt like he was walking on air.

"There's a time and a place for stuff like that, David. And right after the first date on her porch where her family, me, and the neighbors can have full view isn't it." Said David Sr. Roach was still smiling but he began to blush horribly.

'_You actually saw that?' _wrote Roach nervously. He was embarrassed and just a tiny bit angry that his father had seen such an intimate moment between him and Alice.

"It was kinda hard not to. Listen boy, there's this thing called privacy. What you guys did was private and should only be done in the privacy of your room, or hers, or a dark place but not on her doorstep. You get what I'm sayin'?" said David Sr. as he began to drive a bit less recklessly than before. Roach nodded and felt himself begin to get sleepy. That had taken a lot out of him and it was a bit after ten o'clock. He felt his eyes grow heavy and he fought to stay awake.

"Here." Said David Sr. as he handed Roach a tissue. Roach was confused for a moment before he realized that his face must have been smeared with Alice's makeup. He pulled down the sun visor and popped open the mirror to inspect the damage. Sure enough his lips were a light pink. He quickly got the lipstick off as his father laughed.

"It's on your collar too. I tell ya', the day you come stumbling home at one in the morning smelling like cheap perfume and sex I'll be even prouder of you than I am right now. I'm actually pretty proud of you, son. After all that happened to you your tryin' to live a good normal life and you actually found a girl who likes you. Now, if only Morgan can do the same then I won't have any worries about any of you kids living with me and your mother when your thirty." Said David Sr. as he pulled into the house. Amanda who had been waiting by the window for them to come back was overjoyed when the battered station wagon pulled into the driveway. Amanda was full of questions but one look at her son's tired face was enough to put them on hold for tomorrow. Roach was grateful for that and went upstairs. He got changed into some pajamas an decided not to brush his teeth to keep the taste of her on him. He settled into bed that night having finally had a good day.

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_Roach stood at an alter in the middle of a huge cathedral. Everyone he had ever met was sitting in the pews. On closer inspection he found everyone to be in white formal wear and he himself was in a white silk tuxedo. The priest was in a hula skirt for some reason but he decided not to question it. The church organ began to play 'Burnin' Love' for some reason and Alice walked down the isle in a huge pure white dress. She walked up to him and took his hands. The priest began to say something churchy in Pig Latin. Then came time for the I dos. _

"_Do you Alice whatever your middle name is O'Dell take David Mathias 'Roach' Cullen as your lawfully wedded husband?"_

"_I do."_

"_And do you David Mathias 'Roach' 'The Thing Between the Walls' Cullen take Alice whatever her middle name is O'Dell to be your lawfully wedded wife?"_

"_I do." Said Roach surprised at how clearly it came out. He stuck his finger in his mouth to find that his tongue was whole again. _

"_You may now kiss the bride." And with that Roach and Alice shared a chaste and innocent kiss. The scene suddenly changed and he carried her over the threshold bridal style. He dropped her onto the bed and he lay down next to her. Their kisses grew more and more hurried and he began to strip her of her wedding dress._

"_Roach, I love you. I've always loved you and now I'm going to give you the most precious thing I have." _

"_Alice, I love you too and now I'm going to give you something I worked harder than you'll ever know to save. I love you so much." And with that he kissed her once more before the finished striping her down. He too stripped down and just before he could enter her his whole world began to shake._

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"David, c'mon it's almost ten o'clock! Mom won't let us eat without you!" said Morgan loudly as he shook his older brother. Morgan under normal circumstances wouldn't ever voluntarily touch his brother like that but these were desperate times and desperate measures were called for. It was pancakes for breakfast that morning to celebrate his first date and Amanda wasn't going to let him sleep through it.

"(Morgan?)" asked Roach quietly. He wanted to go back to sleep so badly, he was so happy in his dream but apparently Morgan would have none of that.

"Yeah, c'mon! Mom's makin' pancakes and their gettin' cold. She says that we can't eat without you because the only reason we're eating a halfway decent breakfast is because you went out with Alice last night." Said Morgan who was once again jealous that his brother was getting attention and not him.

"(Go away!)" said Roach as he pulled the blanket up over his head. He wanted to stay in bed half because he wanted to go back to dreaming and half because a certain part of his body was reacting to the remnants of his fantasy honeymoon.

"C'mon, you can sleep later but right now I'm hungry!" said Morgan pulling the blanket off of Roach. They just looked at each other for a moment. Roach was embarrassed by what Morgan was seeing and Morgan was amazed because it happened to older people. He assumed that older people would have more self control or something like that.

"Wow, you too? I didn't know that that happened to older guys too! Man, that's neat. Judging by the look on your face I'm guessing that I should leave you alone right now." Said Morgan who was full of questions and embarrassment. Roach shook his head. He was embarrassed but he wasn't going to let that spoil his good mood. He got rid of the not so little problem, got ready for the day, and went downstairs to get some breakfast.

"Hey sleepy head; how was your date last night?" asked Amanda who was happy on the outside but a whirlwind of emotions on the inside. She didn't really know how to feel at that moment. She was happy that her son had done something normal and that he found someone to love but she was sad because he wasn't her little boy anymore. Roach made an 'OK' sign with his fingers and began to eat. Amanda knew what happened between him and Alice on her porch from David Sr. but she gave no indication that she knew to him. That had made her feel very uncomfortable and worried about what the two of them did when she wasn't looking.

"Did you get into her bra?" asked Trysta a bit jealous of Alice but not as much as usual. It was a combination of her new crush on Fool and her utter disgust at the subject of sex. As she said those words food and drinks were spat out by every member of the family and they all looked at her, then him, then her again.

"What? It's a legitimate question!" said Trysta. Roach blushed and shook his head 'no'.

"Trysta, would you like it if he asked you if your boyfriend got inside of you bra? Not that you have anything there mind you." Said Donna through a mouthful of pancake.

"I don't have a boyfriend and there's plenty in my bra!" said Trysta as several people coughed uncomfortably. Roach decided to do as he did as a child when he was told to hear no evil. It was hard though considering how loud their voices were getting.

"Yeah, tissue!" laughed Donna. Morgan laughed a bit under his breath and Roach ate quickly so that he could leave the table faster.

"Socks, too." Said Dottie as she drank some maple syrup much to most people's disgust. Trysta looked about ready to hit Dot as Amanda decided to change the subject.

"So David, is there gonna be a second date?" asked Amanda who didn't like the current conversation. She wished that one meal could go pleasantly for once and not end in a fight or a great big mess. She knew that she dreamt the impossible but she still dreamt.

'_Maybe, I'm not that sure.' _Said Roach after taking a minute to get his tiny pocket notebook out. He wanted there to be a second date but it wasn't confirmed. He was even a bit afraid to go on a second date because then they'd end up going on a third date and he was afraid of what was going to happen on the third date. He was afraid of their intimacy leaving the realms of his fantasies and entering the real world.

"Well, don't ask her out too soon, you'll seem desperate. Oh, and don't ask her out too late or you'll seem like you don't care." Said David Sr. who unlike his wife was very happy about his son's relationship but mostly because it meant that he wasn't gay. He still had his doubts on that subject though but he ignored them.

"And don't call her until two or three days after you guys go out, play hard to get." Said Amanda as she took the cup from Dot. Roach cocked an eyebrow at his mother, he had no idea that this was going to be so complicated, he just thought that it would be awkward.

"Give her some slack, then reel her in, give her some clack then reel her, give her some-" started David Sr. as Amanda stopped him

"She's a girl, not a fish." Said Amanda annoyed at her husband. She was happy that her son had found someone and she didn't want him to loose her. As far as Amanda could tell he was depressed but he tried to hide it and getting dumped might push him over the edge. So far he had only come close to the edge but him actually going over the edge scared her.

"Why would you wanna do anything lovey-dovey like that anyway? It's gross!" said Dottie sticking her tongue out for emphasis. Roach was tempted to tell her that when she got to be his age she wouldn't think so but he decided to keep his thoughts to himself. His face was burning red from embarrassment but he was also oddly happy. He loved the way that his family was so casual then, he felt like part of them. He used to feel a lot like an outsider looking in but now he felt just like one of them, he was one of them. He smiled a bit, he didn't want that wonderful feeling of belonging to end and he hoped that it didn't.

"Wait 'till you get older, then you'll see what we're talking about." Said Amanda who was enjoying the conversation but she also felt a bit depressed by the whole thing. On the one hand she was having a conversation with her son about the opposite sex that she thought that she was never going to have but on the other hand this conversation proved that he wasn't a five year old boy anymore.

"Will not! Boys are gross! Well, not brothers but other boys are." Said Dottie adamantly. Roach rolled his eyes. He used to have the same idea about girls when he was little. He didn't see Alice as gross but he couldn't see himself kissing her and holding down the contents of his stomach. He sighed, oh how the times changed.

"You just keep thinkin' like that Dot; you'll make me the happiest father in the world." Said David Sr. who was the happiest he had ever been. He was happy because he had never thought that he'd see his son live to be a fifteen year old boy. It was finally setting in on him that his son was so close to death but now he was alive, well, and with them. \

"They're not that bad." Said Trysta quietly. Most eyes were on her; what she had said seemed to sound alien coming from her. Her family had always assumed that she'd end up a celibate by the way she acted and carried herself but then again she did have a crush on her older brother.

"The only guy you ever liked was David, and you liked him a little too much!" laughed Morgan so hard that juice was coming out of his nose. Dottie was laughing, Trysta was seething, their parents were in shock, and Roach slumped so far down in his chair that only the hair at the top of his head could be seen.

"Let's talk about something more pleasant, right kids?" said Amanda as everyone sat at the table uncomfortably. Amanda hated it when that particular subject was brought up almost as much as Roach hated it. It was more than a little disgusting that she would have a crush on her older brother and everyone was trying to forget about it.

"But it's the truth! She so wanted him!" said Morgan through a mouthful of food. A stern glare from his father shut him up. Roach wanted to do nothing more at that moment than to sink into the floorboards until everyone forgot about what the were talking about but he sat up and ate because when his hunger and his embarrassment fought his hunger won.

"Um…so Donna, you gonna stop recording David soon? We need to send it in to the court shrink when we send David in a few days." Said David Sr. trying hard to change the subject. Roach looked at his father with wide eyes. He couldn't' believe that his father would keep something like that from him, he simply couldn't believe it. He was shocked and a bit hurt and an even smaller bit angry. He wanted to put it behind him and now he was gonna have to talk to somebody. Even if it was that hot shrink that talked to him at the hospital he still wasn't going to say anything. He just wanted to forget and he had been doing a good job keeping his anxieties about the trial on the back burner but now he felt the same familiar fear and anxiety creeping up on him.

"I still need to record him some more. You know, I could get some more footage of him if he'd stop hiding whenever I tried to record him."

"David, the sooner she tapes you the sooner she can stop. I know that it's not pleasant but who said that life was gonna be all sunshine and puppy dogs?" said David Sr. as he began to bus everyone's plate. Roach reluctantly made an 'OK' sign with his fingers and sat down on the couch. He didn't really pay attention to what he was watching on the TV, he was trying to get rid of his anxiety. Usually he'd do something with Alice to take his mind off of things but now he felt very nervous at even the thought of seeing her again. He didn't regret taking her out on a date though; that to him was confirmation that she at least had some feelings for him. He sat in front of the TV for about an hour watching cartoons until the doorbell rang.

"David, can you get that?" said Amanda from upstairs. She was trying to unwind and she didn't much feel like getting up from her bed. Roach got up and opened the door. There in the doorway stood a very professional looking woman in a smart suit and her red hair with just a few wisps of white in it was tied back in a tight bun. She wasn't his type; too old. They stood in the doorway just looking at each other for a few moments.

"Hi, I'm Eloise Richards, is your mother or father home?" said Eloise as she looked at the boy in front of her curiously. Was this the son that she had been told about? Most things about the people from the house who had been released back to society had not been in the public eye. No pictures, no interviews, only names. Names that the entire world knew.

"Yeah." Said Roach as he put a hand out in front of himself to tell her to stay there. Eloise blinked at the slight distortion of his words. She was beginning to think that this was the son that she was told about but he looked the right age and that as the problem. Most of the people under the stairs looked to be younger than their real ages. Hell, Messenger was in his mid twenties and he looked almost like a twelve year old boy. His voice hadn't even broke and he had very little body hair.

"Mutuh!(Mother!)" yelled Roach loudly his words confirming that he was in fact the son that she had been told about. Eloise stared at him, the way he spoke bringing back some old memories of being ordered by imperfect children with their tongues cut out and her being hit because she couldn't understand. He had to grab the chipped paint and splintering wood of the doorway to steady herself. Roach didn't like her staring at him so he stared right back. He was a bit curious about her but he just kept staring at her with his intense blue eyes. Some thing about her reminded him of Messenger. It was in her facial structure and her hair color which was just like his down to the shade and amount of grease. His eyes narrowed dangerously and he once again felt something akin to the true, burning hate he felt for Mommy and Daddy. This was her, the one they talked about in angry voices. They cursed her name everyday, the people under the stairs. She was Eloise Robeson. She was Messenger's grandmother. She was the one that escaped. She was 'She who was Chained to Bed.'

"Yes? Can I help you?" said Amanda breaking Roach from his venom filled thoughts. Roach blinked a bit before sticking out his tongue stump and walking away. Eloise understood why he was angry and she would have been angry too. Not a day went by when she didn't think of how her being alive further condemned them and how she was selfish for living her life when so many of them died each day.

"David!" said Amanda flabbergasted at her son. She had never seen him do something like that to a complete stranger before and next time she saw him she was going to talk some sense into him but first she had to deal with her guest.

"Hello, I'm Eloise Richards, we spoke on the phone." Said Eloise extending her hand. Amanda shook it gratefully. She had finally found a decent lawyer to handle her son's case. Most of the lawyers she had seen were fresh out of law school trying to make a name for themselves or they were in it just to get famous. She assumed that this Eloise person was also trying to get famous but she was affordable and she had lots of experience.

"I'm Amanda Cullen but I guess you already know that. That was my son David, I'm sorry for his rudeness but he was isolated for ten years of his life. C'mon, we'll talk in the kitchen." Said Amanda as she led Eloise into the house. Eloise looked around and saw him again, he was glaring at her from the top of the stairs. She gulped the people under the stairs were the object of her nightmares and she was in the house with one. Well, he couldn't have been that dangerous if he was living with his family and he was just a kid but the fear still stayed with her even after that reasoning.

"Sorry about the mess but I wasn't expecting company. Just make yourself at home and I'll put some tea on. Or would you like coffee better?" said Amanda as she went to the kitchen. Eloise looked around the crowded kitchen for any sign of him and she saw him in the doorway watching her. It was only Amanda's words that broke her out of thoughts.

"Tea would be lovely." Said Eloise as she got her portfolio out. She had to be professional about this but she couldn't stop staring at him. In her fear there was also curiosity. What was his under the stairs name? What was his rank within their savage society? How long did he survive in the house with Eldon and Elmira? What of the girl he was supposed to be with? And the most pressing; what were you to Eldon?

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." Said Donna who was recording Roach watching Eloise. She had never seen him like that, he was furious and he looked like he wanted to hurt her but he also felt restraint. She had never seen him want to hurt someone as badly as he looked like he wanted to hurt her.

"Donna!" said Amanda who hadn't noticed the staring that was passed between the two of them. She had been busy boiling the water and hadn't noticed anything but she did hear the rude comment that Donna made and she assumed that it was directed at her son.

"Mom, she's looking at him like he's an animal in the fucking zoo!" said Donna still watching him. He gave her a look that clearly said 'go away' but she wasn't going anywhere.

"Yes he's THE David Mathias Cullen now will you please stop gawking at my son like he's the eighth wonder of the freakin' world so we can get down to business?" said Amanda in a measured and controlled voice like she didn't want to play any games. She wasn't going to stand by and let some woman gawk at her son; she knew he was self conscious.

"Ok, yes then. Well, let's begin shall we?"said Elise as she was handed a cup of tea. She knew that tone of voice well, it was taken with her many times. She averted her eyes from him and took out her portfolio.

"Well, as you know this case is pretty much in the bag but he'll still have to testify about everything. Every murder he was present for and all of the abuse. The defense is going to try and make him look everything from dangerous to crazy so he'll need to be prepped for this. The first court date is in less than a week as you know but these dates are subject to change with all of the new evidence that they're getting and all. This won't be easy to get through; you'll have to hear all that he's suffered and forgive my saying this but most of the stuff he'll say you probably don't even know happened to him." Said Eloise taking out some important looking papers. Roach still glared at her and held the pencil that he usually wrote with tightly in his hand. He hated her almost as much as he hated Mommy. Almost. It was an actual rule set down by one of if not the first leader of the people under the stairs back almost a hundred years ago that anyone who escaped was going to bring back help. Help had been brought back a few times before Roach or Messenger or even Bites but nothing was done because it was regarded as the deranged fantasies of an insane person. It was regarded as such because anyone who escaped was usually a girl or a eunuch because they still had their eyes, ears, and tongues.

"How do you know that?" asked Amanda in that same controlled voice. She sounded calm but her eyes were blazing; she officially didn't like this woman. It was a combination of the obvious staring at her son and how she assumed that he didn't tell her things. Well, she knew that he didn't tell her much but that wasn't the point.

"Because I know what their world was like." Said Eloise quietly. She didn't want to give it away that she was the one who could have stopped all of that from happening some forty odd years ago.

"Oh really? Do tell." Said Amanda who assumed that Eloise was operating under assumptions and not personal experience. Roach shook his head 'no' at that. He had only recently had what he was forced to do and had done to him slip out to his parents and he wasn't sure if they're fears were quite put to rest in that regard.

"Well, I know what some of the people were used for and you have to admit that your son must have been acting strangely."

"All of my children act strangely, be specific." Said Amanda now visibly pissed off. Roach was in a visible panic and his eyes were pleading with her to shut her mouth but she was going to keep going. Messenger had told her about another boy who he was teaching to do what he did named Cockroach but his real name was David. This was the only David on record taken from the Robeson house so this had to be him. She felt that his mother had the right to know even if he didn't want her to.

"You know, he might have a problem being touched. He might…oh I don't know… mutter something along the lines of 'I don't want to do that' or 'don't touch me there' in his sleep. Am I hitting anywhere near the ball park here?" said Eloise. Roach gave her an angry look before running and hiding in the closet. He felt afraid that his mother would believe her, ashamed that she might know what a whore, wanton slut he was, and a burning hatred for Eloise that now surpassed his hatred for both Mommy and Daddy.

"So you're saying that he was raped." Said Amanda griping her tea cup so hard it cracked. Eloise moved back defensively and Donna wanted very badly to throw the camera she was holding right at Eloise's head. She knew that Eloise was right but she also knew that that was a very touchy subject for him.

"They kept sex slaves as well as all purpose slaves. He's young so he must have been one or both." Said Eloise. Now this got the attention of the remaining Cullen children who had been listening at the top of the stairs. Morgan and Trysta were horrified and Dottie wanted to ask what she meant but knew that it was best to keep quiet. Amanda Cullen was shocked that that woman would ever even think such a thought about her oldest son but then she was taken back to what Donna blurted out that day when Dot broke the cardinal rule of the Cullen house. She began to shake her head no as reassure herself mentally that it wasn't true because her son had said that the Robeson's never touched him.

'**But we didn't ask about those people locked up in the cellar now did we? No, it's just not possible. No one has ever touched him like that! Ever! But the signs are there in the way he still shyes away from my touch and how when he sleeps he mutters something that sounds a lot like don't touch me and I don't wanna do that. No! this woman is insane and she just wants to add more charges to make herself look good! Well, nobody uses my child like that!'** thought Amanda as Roach hid in the front hall closet as if to hide from all of his problems in life in a tight, enclosed space. He hated Eloise more than anyone else at that moment. He had just dispelled any thoughts in his parents minds about what a whore boy he was and now they were back. He knew that his mother would tell his father and then questions would be asked. He felt a cold metallic taste in his mouth as he pressed his ear to the door to hear what was going on.

"I think that it would be best if you left now. We won't be requiring your services. I trust you remember where the door is?" said Amanda in a controlled voice like she was going to blow up at any second. Eloise got up and began to leave but not without one last word.

"I have one with me, my grandson Messenger and he talks about another boy he was supposed to teach and he was a sex slave prostitute. That may or may not be your boy, I forget his under the stairs name. I'll be getting out of your hair now, thank you for the tea." Said Eloise as she left. Roach was shocked by what she said. Both about the reference to him and the fact that Messenger was living with her.

'**How dare she? How the fucking hell dare she! That part of my life is over now and she has to go and bring it up to my own mother! I'm not Cockroach anymore! Do I have to tattoo it on my fucking forehead! OK, calm down. We can get through this. I just have to avoid my mother until she stops thinking about what 'She who was chained to bed' said. That can't take long, right? OK, I just have to stay calm and think clearly. Maybe if I act like everything's normal than she won't question it? Yeah, and maybe Messenger'll stand tall and proud while he reads aloud from the dictionary. Good for him thought, at least it's not a nut house even though he belongs in one. I just wish that I could visit the little guy. Oh well, better come out of here before she worries.' **Thought Roach as he slowly got out of the closet. He decided to see how his mother was doing without being seen. That wasn't something difficult for him; he had built his life around not being noticed. He found his mother sitting at the table looking down at her still full but now ice cold cup of tea with a blank expression on her face. She was now processing the full effect of what Eloise had said to her. She didn't ever want to think about something like that happening to her son but it was believable and she did follow the case and some of the recorded testimony of the people taken from the cellar. Some of them were sex slaves and some were just all purpose slaves. There was even one prostitute boy who called himself Rateyes that was a former slave but his master died and he became a prostitute and he was reunited with his family after just a few short months in that cellar but he defined himself by that. That worried Amanda more than anything else. She knew that her son was a different person since he was kidnapped but she didn't want to know what he defined himself as. She didn't want him to define himself as a person under the stairs but some of the signs that he did were there; mostly how Alice and even his siblings on occasion called him Roach.

"Uhh…mutuh?(Uhh…mother?)" asked Roach timidly. Forget staying out of sight and out of mind, his mother wasn't looking too well. Actually, she looked on the verge of tears and Roach hated seeing women cry. He especially didn't want to see his own mother crying because of him and what he was.

"David, sit down. We have some things we need to talk about." Said Amanda as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She composed herself as best as she could and looked at her son. He looked much healthier than he did when he first came to them but he was still much paler than normal for summertime and he was still quite skinny but he didn't look half starved. She did notice the worried look that crossed his face and it didn't exactly help her fears. She was certain that her son had heard the conversation between her and Eloise and she was almost certain that he was afraid of her bringing up what had been discussed. She was right about that, Roach was afraid to discuss what he was to his mother and he knew that he was going to have to lie to her for her own good.

"I know that you heard that-that-that woman and what she was saying. You sleep with us sometimes and when you do sometimes you mutter what sounds a lot like 'I don't want to do that' and 'No, not me' and you also look like your trying to push someone away from you. Now, I'm going to ask you again and you're going to tell me the honest to God truth; did the man or the woman ever rape or touch you?" said Amanda wanting a straight answer out of Roach. Roach bit his lower lip and looked down. He knew that her follow up question would be about the people under the stairs and he was dreading that question more than anything else in the world. He decided to tell her about the things that Daddy did that were always accompanied with a look of wanting. He was never used by Daddy like Boss or Stairmaster or the others used him but he knew that Daddy thought about it a lot.

'_I was never touched or raped or anything but the man wanted to. Sometimes he'd watch the woman dress me or give me a bath because good little boys let their mothers do everything for them. Sometimes he'd watch me sleep and he'd even get into bed next to me and sometimes smell my hair but the woman always told him to help her to bed so he could…uhh… do to her what he wanted to do to me. He would have actually fucked me when I got older, that's what some of the boys were put down into the cellar for. He never fucked Alice though and the woman never let him be in the room when she'd wash or dress Alice because one good girl to her was worth a hundred good boys. Well, that and I shot him in the shoulder on the day he actually tried to fuck her.' _ Wrote Roach. Amanda read and reread the note feeling relief wash over her with every reading. She was happy that he had been spared that one hardship but it was how open the man was about wanting him and how the man would have actually acted on his desires. She didn't much like his use of the word 'fuck' but she couldn't wash his mouth out with soap or anything because he didn't actually say the word. As the relief rushed over her she felt a new fear begin to form. The people under the stairs might have. She knew that her son was a good looking boy and he didn't even mention them.

'**OK, she's looking calm. I just hope that she doesn't ask about the people under the stairs. I'm gonna have to lie to her about that, it's for her own good. Yup, her own good. Just because I know what I am doesn't mean that she has to know. I just have to hope to God that she drops this and gets back to doing what she usually does.' **Thought Roach as he looked worriedly at Amanda. He wanted to leave the room as quickly as possible but he also wanted to be by his mother.

"What about the boys in the cellar?" asked Amanda quietly looking him straight in the eye. Roach's eyes widened and he bit his lower lip. That was the question he had been dreading. He needed to think up a lie and quick because he was absolutely not going to tell her about what he was and what he did. He suddenly got possibly the best idea he had ever gotten. He was going to tell her a half truth about the matter and hope that she accepted it.

'_I was a slave for our leader named Boss and I think his name was Twig before that. I mostly just enforced his rules by beating up anyone who made trouble for him. I also sometimes fed him and led him around because he saw evil so he had his eyes cut out.' _Wrote Roach. This didn't satisfy Amanda. She had a feeling that she wasn't being told everything and she was going to get to the truth even if it took all night. She knew that if that did happen to him than he would feel ashamed and she didn't want him to feel ashamed of something he had not control over. Roach looked at his mother and saw that she wasn't satisfied with the answer she was given.

"Slave?" asked Amanda in shock. Never in her wildest dreams could she imagine that her son would ever become someone's property. That sent a new wave of fear through her as well as a wave of disgust not for her son but for what had become of him. She remembered what Eloise had said about sex slaves and she almost had a heart attack when she thought of her son being nothing but a sex object for some sick man.

"Yeah." Said Roach quietly as he hugged his arms to himself. She felt filthy as she looked at him. He felt bad about what he was and he felt even worse that his mother knew what he was. She wanted both to hold him and put some distance between them. He wanted to boil himself alive until all the badness was purged from his very soul.

"Why-why were you-a-a-a-a…slave?" asked Amanda who wanted to know what made her son someone property and not others. She felt so sick to her stomach at that moment that she feared that she was going to throw up. Roach looked at her for a moment, not quite understanding why himself. He was tall and strong enough to be tops but he supposed that it had something to do with how lethargic he had been after the first time he had ever been used. He didn't get his own rats for food, move around so his legs remembered how, spoken, or even went to the bathroom that was just a bottomless pit by where Rateyes slept. That was what made him weak enough to accept his fate as Boss' slave and the fact that Bites had died in his arms made him a prime target for revenge by people who were close to Bites but no one would dare harm Boss' property without permission. In a way he was lucky to be a slave.

'_Because I was young and weak but I was lucky in a way because no one would ever hurt Boss' property.' _ Wrote Roach after a bit of deliberation. Amanda read and reread the note. He was young, that was true, but he was in no way weak. Amanda couldn't count the number of pull-ups she had seen him do in the doorway and he had a slight build to him as well. Roach crossed his fingers under the table as he prayed to God that she would accept his answer and drop the whole subject entirely. Amanda on the other hand wasn't' going to drop the conversation until she had her most pressing but dreaded answer.

"Were you a sex slave?" asked Amanda fearing the answer more than AIDS and nuclear war combined. Roach looked at her for a moment with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. Amanda couldn't tell if his expression was brought on because it was true or if she had just shocked and offended him. Roach shook his head 'no' and left the room. He had lied to his mother and he felt sick to his stomach. He was in a daze and his feet carried him to the bathroom. He slipped off his clothes and turned the water on as hot as it would go. All the while as he scrubbed himself under the scalding hot water ignoring how it burned as it washed over old cuts and burns he muttered 'speak no evil' because lieing to his mother was speaking evil and speaking evil made him a very bad boy. He was going to burn in hell. Forever and ever in hell.

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19 pages and over ten thousand words, enjoy!


	30. Awkwardness Awaits

Disclaimer: why bother? I'm really sorry for the lateness of this update.

Roach was in a lot of pain. It was the worst pain he had been in for quite a while but the worst pain he had ever been in was when he got his tongue cut out all those months ago. He laid on his bed in nothing but a T-shirt and boxers, it hurt too much to put clothes on. He licked his skin on his arm to try and make it stop hurting but it didn't help. He was trying to see if lying down and taking it easy would make him feel better and it did a little bit on the outside but on the inside he still felt horrible. He almost jumped as he heard a knock at the door and quickly threw a blanket over himself just as his mother came in.

"David honey, are you OK?" asked Amanda as she after much worrying decided to see how her son was doing. She had grown very worried when she heard the water running because she knew that he sometimes boiled himself alive in the tub. She didn't want to go against her husband and take him to therapy but then she thought about how her son was suffering in his own inner turmoil and asked him again. It was the latter half of the twentieth century and all but he controlled the family finances because he made most of the money.

"Yeah." Said Roach quietly. He didn't want his mother to see him or even be anywhere near him as he laid on his bed and suffered. The person he wanted to be with more than anything was Alice but he knew that even if she was there he'd just get sadder because she would get sad when she saw him.

"You don't look OK." Said Amanda as she got closer to him. He pulled the blanket up over his head in the hopes that his mother wouldn't see what he did to himself. He didn't want her to be sad for him. He wanted to be sad and in pain all on his own.

"Uhm fyn, weeree.(I'm fine, really.)" said Roach as he pulled himself down into a little ball. Amanda sat on the bed next to him and put her hand where his head was under the pale blue blanket. Roach moved his head away from her touch half from an old fear of human contact being brought up again and half from shame.

"Did I upset you, Davey?" asked Amanda feeling slightly hurt that her son didn't want her to touch him. She hated it when he got like that but she knew that there was absolutely nothing that she could do.

"Nowh.(No.)" said Roach who couldn't write because then she might have seen his arm as he handed her the piece of paper. Amanda grimaced a bit at his distorted voice and she was grateful that his head was safely under the blanket.

"Listen, I'm sorry that I asked, OK? It's just that, well, I worry about you and so does your father. You've been through so much that it really hurts us to think that someone put you through that. You understand right?"

"Yeah."

"Good now listen to me. The rest of them are at the grandparent's house so it's just you and me for now." Said Amanda who had had a hard time getting Donna to round up all of the remaining Cullen children and drive them to their grandparents but it was worth it to get some quality time with her oldest son. She even had an idea of something that he might enjoy.

"Thas gud.(That's good.)" said Roach happy that none of his siblings would be barging in on him when he wanted to be alone. He almost wished that his mother was gone too and he had the entire house to himself but he knew better than to wish her away, she loved him for real, not like Mommy and Daddy.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go to the institution where some of the cellar people are being kept so that you could visit the ones you were friends with. Were you friends with some of them?" asked Amanda. What she said almost made Roach jump right out of bed. The last thing he wanted to do was see the people under the stairs. They were the last people he ever wanted to see on earth but the thought of seeing Headbanger or Messenger again made him happy. He wondered what ever happened to them and if Headbanger's baby was born yet or if it even survived. He was also curious to how Boss was doing and he hoped that Boss was dead but part of him didn't.

"Yeah." Said Roach finally deciding that it would be alright as long as he didn't run into some of the more dangerous people who liked to use him. He wanted to see Headbanger, Messenger, and maybe Singer but no one else. It was then that he was grateful that he knew their real names.

"Really? You really wanna go?" said Amanda. She was just toying with the idea of driving her son to the mental institution where they were kept but he seemed to want to go. She was also a bit curious and afraid to see the person who owned him named Boss. She hoped that she or him didn't see that Boss person because if she saw him she wasn't sure that she had enough self control not to beat him senseless and she was a woman who prided herself on self control.

"Uh huh." Said Roach more to convince himself than her. She didn't catch that odd tone in his voice, she was just happy that he was going to do something with her. Roach on the other hand began to wonder if that was such a good idea.

"OK then, I'll go warm up the car and you get ready. Is that alright?"

"Yeah." Said Roach hoping that she'd leave so he could get ready and even bring a bit of food for them because he was sure that Messenger was going to be hungry, he was always hungry and Roach doubted if he had ever been full. Amanda left and he got dressed in long nice clothes and he filled his pockets with candy. The ride there was quiet and uneventful broken only when Amanda got a bit lost on her way there. She had only heard about this place from the new reports after all.

"See David, I told you we'd get there eventually and we did." Said Amanda as she parked her car. Roach got out and looked around. He knew what this was, it was a looney bin. A looney bin, funny farm, crazy house, padded room hotel. Whatever word that someone wanted to use that was what it was. He had seen places that looked like that in movies and it made him a bit uneasy and even a tiny bit angry that they were still being locked up. They made their way into the building and up to the receptionist with quite a few stares and whispers that made Roach feel very self conscious. Amanda asked about the various people and he found out that Messenger had been released out into the world only a day prior to his visit which made him happy that Messenger was finally free but sad that he didn't get to say goodbye. He had also learned that Singer and Boss were at a different asylum but Headbanger was still there. He felt his heart jump and his pants get a bit more snug when he thought about her. He went to visit her with his mother not too far behind him.

"I'm gonna call her Miracle. It's a good name, I think." Said a voice that sounded like Headbanger's. That made Roach pick up his pace a bit. He was very excited to see her. He had missed her dearly since his escape and he was even a bit sad that he didn't get to say goodbye.

"That's a very pretty name for a little girl, so when are you gettin' out?" asked a different voice that Roach didn't recognize. The woman talking to Headbanger wasn't his type anyway, she was too old. Roach marveled at how well Headbanger was acting, she was usually quick to anger and quick to hurt others.

"They keep saying soon so I guess that I'll just have to wait. I hate waiting! Messenger got out and he only had to wait a few lousy weeks!" said Headbanger fed up with how slowly the outsiders did things. They told that she could leave if she proved that she wasn't a danger to herself or others and she was pretty sure that she proved that by not hurting any of her more annoying semi closed ward mates. She even put up with everybody asking about an drubbing her belly.

"Don't worry Anita; no one stays in this ward forever." Said the woman as she put a reassuring hand on Headbanger's shoulder but removed it when Headbanger tensed up. She, like Roach, didn't much like to be touched.

"I told you my name's Headbanger." Said Headbanger coyly as she crossed her arms as best as she could over her now larger chest and belly. Roach kept walking into the room towards her but she was too absorbed into the conversation to notice him.

"Headbanger?" asked the other woman incredulously. Roach was happy for Headbanger because she had apparently found a friend from the outside world. Headbanger on the other hand looked like she was reaching the end of her tether and Roach understood why. He too hated it when outsiders asked about his name. according to under the stairs custom how someone earned their name was their business.

"Yeah, got a problem?" said Headbanger defensively. She was now at the end of her tether but a kick from Miracle reminded her that she had to have the self control of an outsider if she was ever going to get out of the institution and have a free life for her and Miracle.

"No, it's just kinda weird is all."

"Under the stairs the name Roxanne is kinda weird too ya know."

"What's normal then if your from under the stairs?"

"You know, stuff like Breakneck or Loki or Spittle or…Cockroach!" aid Headbanger finishing the end of the sentence loudly. That got the attention of some of the orderlies but they disregarded it. Since the incident with Messenger the employees both male and female put as much distance as possible from themselves and the people under the stairs.

"Hehbanguh!(Headbanger!)" said Roach as he went to her as quickly as possible with his mother not too far behind them gasping and wheezing from the amount of exercise. When they got together Headbanger greeted him in the way that had earned her her name. they banged heads and an orderly broke them apart. They hugged and laughed a bit and only a few people looked at them, they had seen much stranger sites in their time being institutionalized.

"Cockroach ya big bug, where ya been all this time?!" said Headbanger as they broke apart. She had missed her friend and fellow leader owned slave but her missing of him had taken a back seat to her worry about Messenger and her baby.

"Yu nuh gonna bulev dis!(You're not gonna believe this!)" said Roach as they both sat down on the cold linoleum floor. His heart was beating so fast in his chest and he was getting sweaty, the signs or nervousness. Even though Headbanger was pregnant he still found her attractive and his feelings came back ten fold.

"No, you're not gonna believe this!" said Headbanger who wanted to tell him everything that had happened to her and Messenger and her unborn child so far. She didn't have the same feelings for him that she suspected that he had for her. She still liked leading him on though, it was how she was used to acting around men.

"Yoo firs.(You first)." Said Roach very nervous and excited but at the same time he felt vaguely like he was betraying Alice by having feelings for Headbanger. He told himself that it was just lust he felt for Headbanger and nothing more. He didn't have much trouble believing that either because he had felt his feelings for Alice much earlier and they hadn't come post-actually wanting it like they did with Headbanger.

"OK, OK, I'll go first but you better listen because I've got a lot to say." Said Headbanger as she told him everything from start to finish. Roach listened and he told he that he knew about the fiasco with Messenger and how some of them had died free. He then told her about his new life with his family and he introduced Headbanger to Amanda who seemed very weary of Headbanger. They were amazed as they looked at the people that they had become after their escape. Roach had grown almost four inches and he had more meat on his bones and his skin wasn't as pale. Headbanger had grown a it but mostly around the middle and her hair that Roach had always assumed was black was actually light brown and cut very short because it was just so filthy, lice ridden, and matted together from years of poor hygiene. Amanda watched everything with fascination as the hours wore on and they just continued to talk and catch up with each other. Amanda was amazed at how much he just seemed to come to life around her and she also noticed how it looked like it pained him to move, which it did. That scared her a bit because she knew that he sometimes hurt himself when things got to be too stressful for him. They stayed until Headbanger had to go see another doctor and then a lawyer and then a woman from social services about her baby but Headbanger had other ideas than to let him leave with just a kiss like Messenger had. She didn't even want to kiss him, she wanted to do something much more fun, for him anyway. Just her way of expressing her gratitude. Headbanger took a look around to see if any orderlies were watching but they were busy with two people who were complaining that they had gotten the wrong meds. They both took a look at Amanda who had pretended to busy herself in the daily news that was playing on the TV on the wall but they didn't know that she was watching them out of the corner of her eye.

"I remember that you like it when I start at the base and work my way up to the tip, am I right? Of course I am, I'm always right." said Headbanger as she got very close to him. Well, as close as her pregnant belly would permit. Roach gave a mute nod knowing fully well what she was getting at.

"I will do it you know, if you want me too that is."said Headbanger suggestively. His common sense fought with his libido and his libido won. He was in a state of shock at what she was suggesting but he allowed her to nonchalantly sneak her hand into his jeans, into his boxers, and to where he had been praying that she would go. Nobody noticed because the fight was escalating to physical proportions except for Amanda who blushed and pretended to care about the latest baseball game score playing over the old fashioned TV. Roach was a bit ashamed that he came so quickly but he loved how she licked his cum from her hand. Amanda said nothing to him as they left and he was too happy to notice. He hoped that he saw Headbanger again soon and not just for the sex, she was one of his few friends. It was like the moral of a Dr. Seuss book he read as a child, a fried is a friend no matter how small or in Headbanger's case pale and round.

"David, how old id she?" said Amanda as they drove away from the mental hospital. She was a bit shaken by what she saw transpire between a pregnant woman and her fifteen year old son. No mother wanted to think about her children becoming intimate and Amanda was no exception. The fact that the girl her son had been with was pregnant scared her because it led her to believe that she had a grandchild on the way.

_'Anywhere from 18-21, she's not all that sure because she doesn't have a birth certificate and the people under the stairs didn't real have any idea what year it was..' _wrote Roach a bit confused at why his mother would ask about Headbanger's age. He hoped to God that she hadn't seen what had transpired between them. He was used to Headbanger doing that in front of other people from his time under the stairs but he never dreamed that his own mother would ever be part of the audience and the fact that she might have been sickened him deeply.

"Eighteen to twenty one?" said Amanda in shock. She knew for a fact that what they just did was illegal. She looked Roach right in the eye and he shrank back into the ripped seat uncomfortably.

"David Mathias Cullen! You're only fifteen for God's sake!" said Amanda hitting the break. Roach blushed horribly and put his hand over his face in embarrassment. He contemplated opening the door and making a break for it but one look at the traffic around them walked that idea deep into the woods and shot it dead.

"Sowree.(Sorry.)" said Roach embarrassed as he continued to hide his face in his hands. He began to wonder if that small bit of sexual release was truly worth what he was going through. The answer was 'yes' because he hadn't felt her in what was going on a full month.

"Just don't do it again because number one people could see you and number two a relationship between you and her would be considered statutory rape." said Amanda in her best calm voice. She was sickened by what she saw mainly because it was her son on the receiving end. She still had to explain it to him that he couldn't under any circumstances have a relationship with anybody over the age of eighteen. Actually when she thought about it she didn't really want him to have a relationship with any girl because she wanted him to be her little boy again and always.

"Huh?!" said Roach sitting straight up and looking at his mother like she was crazy. Headbanger didn't rape him, he was sure of that. Her touch had been nothing like that unwelcome touches and harsh word he had gotten from the other people under the stairs when they pinned him to the ground and forced him to do despicable things. What had transpired between him and her was many things but it had not in any way shape or form been rape to him.

"It's against the law David, even if you're willing. I don't make the laws or enforce them but please don't do...that with her again." said Amanda as she put a reassuring hand on Roach's shoulder. Roach made an 'OK' sign with his fingers but he was still confused. He decided to add that to his list if things about the outside world that confused him.

"Well, alright then. Hey, I just had a great idea! You remember your aunt Sandra?" said Amanda who didn't quite feel like being in a hopefully empty house with just her son who she had had an unbelievable amount of awkwardness with.

_'Not so well to tell you the truth. She had a triplets when I was four, right?'_ asked Roach who couldn't really remember that much about his relatives. Amanda on the other hand looked very happy that he at least remembered something.

"Yeah she did, two girls and a boy. She had a few after that too and I bet they're dieing to meet you." said Amanda. Roach wanted to give her a look for her use of the word dieing but thought against it because she was his own mother

"You wanna meet them? You do need to be more social you know, it's good for you." said Amanda in a voice that clearly said that she wanted to go. She didn't really want to see her older sister or any members of extended family because she wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms when she first fell pregnant at fifteen with Donna and then again at sixteen with Roach. She and Sandra weren't exactly on bad terms but they weren't the best of friends. Roach shrugged his shoulders. He didn't really want to be around anybody at the moment but his mother seemed to want to and she was his mother after all.

"Great! Well, I better get to driving again because I'm pretty sure that it's illegal to park here." said Amanda as she started driving again. They didn't speak after that as they drove down the streets and into suburbia. As they drove into suburbia he could have sworn that he saw Messenger in the front yard of a large old fashioned house but he decided that his eyes must have been playing tricks on him. The boy that he saw looked like Messenger but he wasn't as skinny or pale and his hair was a lighter, shorter red. They drove for a bit longer until they got to a decent sized house with a messy front yard that was somehow worse than his. Amanda rang the bell and waited with a very nervous Roach.

"Amanda? It's been way too long!" said Sandra as she hugged Amanda. Sandra was a heavy set woman who looked like an slightly older darker haired Amanda with a bigger nose. Roach took a step back, he was a bit nervous about seeing a person that he hadn't seen in over ten years.

"It sure as hell has! So Sandra, how you been? How're the kids" said Amanda hugging her older sister completely forgetting about Roach. She still felt good about seeing her sister.

"They're great! Well, Jeremy swallowed a Monopoly hotel but they got it out. Little moron. Yours still givin' you grief?" said Sandra in a been-there-done-that tone. Amanda hated that tone.

"They're OK. Well, Dot painted the driveway but I used the hose to get it out. Morgan's been a little jerk lately, Donna and me had a few arguments, and Trysta's just been bizarre , more so than the other. Oh, and David's been....David."

"He ever get a real job? Or grow up? Or become a respectable and productive member of society? You could do better you know. Much better." said Sandra in a superior voice crossing her arms. She was never going to let Amanda live down that she had married a man only because he got her pregnant twice before she was eighteen and he barely made enough money.

"Your first husband ever pay that child support?" said Amanda in a superior voice that matched her sister's. Roach watched the scene with interest. He had never seen his mother get like that before and it was both scary and entertaining.

"Your husband ever tell you if he had any other kids?"

"I wasn't even talking about him for your information! I was talking about my oldest son!"

"Oh my God, is that him?!" said Sandra finally noticing him. It was then that Amanda's looks toward her sister turned sour, not that Sandra noticed of course. Roach shrunk back under her gaze, he was feeling very shy. It was only natural that he'd be socially stunted and it was then that Amanda understood the extent of it. Roach gave her a weak wave and was captured in a bone crushing hug. Ever muscle in her body tensed up and he looked terrified.

"Um, Sandra..." said Amanda clearing her throat. Sandra then remembered that her nephew had emotional problems and was most likely severely socially stunted. She gave him an apologetic look and he just looked at his scuffed gym shoes.

"Well...who wants a nice piping hot cup of herbal tea? I just made some." said Sandra awkwardly looking at Amanda and then Roach. Roach nodded a bit, he didn't really like tea but compared to standing on the porch it was the lesser of two evils. He followed his mother and aunt into the house that was larger and less cluttered than his.

"Hey Aunt Amy, what's up? Who's he?" said a tall girl dressed in ripped baggy pants and a flannel shirt. She looked a bit like Trysta only older and with worse teeth. Roach bit his lower lip and looked down at his reflection newly polished floor. Normally he at least checked girls out but this was his cousin.

"Manda, this is David. You probably don't remember but you two used to be good friends." said Amanda. Roach's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed nervously. He gave her a weak wave and she just looked him up and down. He looked like the cousin she remembered only older and the life behind his eyes was almost gone.

"What's up?" said Manda putting her hands in her pockets. She decided to act like seeing him was perfectly normal to not make the moment anymore awkward. Roach shrugged his shoulders and still looked down. Sandra decided to go and get everyone some tea just to do something.

"Why don't you all go to the living room and make yourselves comfortable? I'll be right in with some tea. Manda, you want some tea?"

"Sure." said both Amanda and Manda at the same time. The fact that they both shared the name Amanda often caused confusion. The only reason they had the same name was because Sandra was expecting a boy but got a girl and just blurted out the first name she could think of. Roach laughed silently, he remembered how things like that used to happen quite a lot during his early non Mommy and Daddy childhood. They made their way to the living room where they were greeted with three children who looked a lot alike. These were the triplets that had been born when he was four. All he could remember about them was that they threw up a lot.

"You got a new boyfriend, Manda? He's even paler than the one you had when you went goth!" said all three of them in union. The two boys and one girl dressed very similar to each other but they themselves weren't identical. The two boys had light blonde hair while the girl had hair closer in color to Sandra's medium brown and both of the boy's wore glasses with square frames while the girl had circle frames.

"Mom, they're doing that creepy triplet thing again!" yelled Manda making Roach recoil just a bit. He was a bit on edge and it showed but he did find it mildly amusing that the children thought that he was her boyfriend when he was in fact their long-lost cousin.

"Kids, knock it off, OK? We have guests!"said Sandra from the kitchen. All the yelling was making Roach bite his lower lip. Amanda noticed and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder while wondering if going to her sister's house was really such a good idea.

"You're the boss!" they all said in almost perfect union making it obvious that they had rehearsed their reaction to seeing Roach earlier. Roach smiled a tiny smile at that but continued to sit there on the stained but still comfortable couch.

"Who the heck is he?" asked the girl walking up to him. He didn't feel as nervous around her because she was just a child a bit younger than Morgan and Trysta. He was still nervous though, he wasn't used to being around so many new people at once for an extended amount of time.

"He's cousin David, clone." said Manda sullenly. The triplets exchanged a look before going over to him. They began to crowd him and look at him like he was an animal in the zoo. He gave them a weak and nervous wave as he continued to sit there nervously.

"C'mon now you guys, give him some air." said Amanda noticing her son's distress. They all took a simultaneous step back. Roach cocked an eyebrow and was tempted to ask about their strange behavior but he was too nervous too.

"They're only like that when there's company. It's way too much work for them to keep this up normally." whispered Manda to Roach as the triplets began to whisper to each other deliberating on a question to ask him simultaneously. It was a tie between 'is your tongue really cut out' and 'are the abuse stories true?'. Is your tongue really cut out won two to one.

"I'm Julia, the middle one." said the girl extending her hand to him. They had also decided to introduce themselves in their own special triplet way. Roach took her hand and shook it limply. Amanda took this as a sign that he was getting used to them. Manda rolled her eyes. She had seen what they were going to do many times. They were planning to become entertainers when they grew up but their greeting wasn't very entertaining.

"I'm Jeremy, the youngest by twenty minutes. I came out feet first." said the boy with the lighter hair extending his hand out to Roach. Roach took it and smiled, this boy reminded him a bit of Morgan

"I'm Jeffrey, the oldest and smartest and the one who is a much better video game player than Morgan and you can tell him I said that." said Jeffrey also extending his hand. Roach cocked an eyebrow at him but said nothing. This boy reminded him even more of Morgan. He began to compare the triplets to Morgan and Trysta and he had a thought. Either both sets of multiples swam close in their mother's side of the gene pool or his father was a very busy man. Morgan and Trysta didn't really swim too close in either side of the gene pool when he thought about it.

"And we're the DiMaggio Triplets!" they all said in union as they stepped back and did a small and clumsy cartwheel. Roach clapped to be polite and they all took a bow.

"No relation to famed Baseball player Joe DiMaggio of the New York Yankees." muttered Julia to no one in particular.

"Well, duh!" said Manda crossing her arms. That made Roach laugh a bit but he quickly caught himself and stopped. Amanda smiled at him and he returned the smile. The triplet's then look at him for a long time. He looked back at them and they looked away. He then realized that his sleeve had rode up to reveal the burn he gave himself during one of his low points.

"Can we ask you a question?" they all asked at once a bit out of union. Roach knew where this was going and he shrugged his shoulders. He knew that it was best to just answer most questions put to him because it was just one of those things that was best to get out of the way.

"Is your tongue really cut out or is that just a rumor?" Roach nodded 'yes' knowing fully well what was coming next. He was going to have to open his mouth and show them his tongue stump. He didn't really want to but it again was something to get out of the way.

"Can we see it?" asked Jeremy truly curious about what a cut out tongue would look like. The other triplets and Manda looked at him expectantly but it was his mother who saved him from having to open his mouth and show them the result of his first attempt at escape.

"Maybe David would feel more comfortable keeping his mouth closed. Don't you kids think so?" said Amanda in a stop-pestering-him voice. Roach gave her a grateful look as the rest of the children sulked. They sat there in silence for a few moments that was only broken when Sandra finally came back with tea and soda. Roach drank his tea but he would have much rather preferred soda. The rest of the day went alright as they stayed for about an hour give or take a few minutes. He eventually grew accustomed to his cousins and met their baby sister Rosemarie and other brother Frances. They played Scrabble and Roach was grateful that you didn't have to talk to play. He eventually did show them his tongue stump before leaving and they asked him to come back again soon. Roach fell asleep in the car ride home from the exhaustion that the day provided and both he and Amanda momentarily forgot about the awkwardness but Amanda had still called the house and told them to go to their grandparent's house because she knew that she couldn't deal with all of them right then. When Roach got home he really had to pee and he ran to his bathroom not noticing the music coming from his garage. When he got there he was greeted by both the most surprising and sought after sight he had ever seen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Fool, please lemme in! I really need to talk to you!" said Alice as she banged on the door to Fool's apartment. She was happy at how her and Roach's date went and she was even happier that the only person in her house that asked questions besides 'Did you two have fun' was Debbie and she supplied the answers while visibly embarrassed. She went to bed that night the happiest she had been in a while but when she woke up she had been dreading what she had to do. She was going to have to break it to Fool about how she had decided on Roach and she had been doing whatever she could to put it off. She had cleaned up the whole house and hand washed most of the laundry but it was almost four o'clock and she knew what she had to do because the thought of Fool thinking that she picked him when she had really picked Roach made her feel sick to her stomach. She knew that she had to make it quick because Debbie had driven her and Debbie didn't like to wait for her to come back. Fool opened the door and looked very happy to see her.

"Hey Alice, you wanna come in?" asked Fool hoping that she had picked him but also afraid that she had picked him and Roach found out or that she had picked Roach over him.

"Fool, I can't because Debbie said that I have to make this quick. She also said to tell you that it's not you, it's me." Said Alice quietly as she looked down at her shoes. Fool knew what she was getting at and he felt like crying almost. He had really liked Alice and hoped that she had picked him. No body liked rejection but he was going to have to suck it up.

"Fool, I-I have something to t-t-tell you." said Alice looking down at the dirty carpet under her. She didn't really want to tell Fool that she had picked Roach but it had to be done. She couldn't look Fool in the eye when she told him half from shame and half because she was tearing up.

"It's OK Alice, I'm pretty sure what your gonna say and I hope that your happy with Roach." said Fool as he closed the door. He then slumped against the door and began to cry a bit. Alice wiped her eyes, she was relieved that she didn't have to break it to Fool but she felt hurt that he just closed the door like that. She felt a pang of sadness as she heard Fool crying on the other side of the door. She cried a bit too as she walked all that way back to Debbie's car but she composed herself when she got there.

"So, how'd it go?" asked Debbie as she buckled Alice in the front seat. When she took one look at her sister's face she knew that it didn't go well. She felt only a bit empathetic to her little sister because she had been through many breakups and didn't really see what the big deal was.

"Alright I guess." said Alice who didn't actually think that it went well because of all the crying but it did go better than planned. Debbie decided not to press on, she had better things to do than ask about her sister's every move. She was beginning to feel something akin to resentment for her sister because she was getting the attention that Debbie never got.

"Whatever." said Debbie as she drove Alice home. She was getting tired of doing things for Alice, the novelty of having a little sister was wearing off quickly. Every time Debbie saw Alice having fun with their parents or having a guy actually care about her she was filled with a terrible rage.

"Did I do something wrong, Debbie?" asked Alice quietly, she was upset about what she had to say to Fool and she was also a bit upset about how Debbie's 'whatever' came out. She wasn't all to good at reading people who weren't Roach.

"Of course not, you can't do anything wrong because you're Alice." said Debbie sarcastically. Alice didn't pick up on it and thought that Debbie really meant what she said. Debbie knew that Alice wasn't getting it and mentally kicked herself.

"So you mean that I'm a good girl?" said Alice happily and genuinely touched by what Debbie had said. She wasn't all to good with things like figures of speech and sarcasm. Debbie rolled her eyes as she ran a stop sign.

"Right on the money, sis."

"What money?"

"Forget it. So, you gonna go out with that David guy again?" said Debbie not really caring but still trying to make conversation. Alice blushed a bit and looked out the window at the houses they were passing. She recognized the street, it was Roach's.

"I-I'm not sure." said Alice as she began to mentally countdown the houses to his. Debbie noticed what street they were on and got an idea. She had a guy she needed to see and Alice also had a guy she wanted to see so it was a win-win situation.

"Well if you do tell me how it goes, OK?" said Debbie as she stopped in front of Roach's house. Alice gave her a confused look.

"You hang out here for a little bit and don't tell mom and dad 'bout this. OK?" said Debbie as she opened the door for Alice. Alice nodded and got out of the car as Debbie drove away. Alice bit her lower lip nervously as she walked up to the door. She knocked a few times and no one answered. She then knocked louder ad rag the bell a few times. It didn't make any sense, Roach was always home and his mother didn't work. She heard some loud and slightly off key music coming from the garage and her curiosity got the better of her. She walked into the garage and hid behind a box marked 'X-Mas 1984'. She felt very alive being sneaky and being where she wasn't supposed to be. It was almost like being back with Mommy and Daddy and sneaking through the passages in the walls. She felt like Roach.

"When the cats away the mice will play!" said David Sr. popping his beer can open. He had decided to take his lunch break hidden in his garage with his old records and a six pack of beer. It wasn't that he didn't like his family, because he did, it was just that sometimes he wanted some alone time. He didn't notice Alice sitting behind the stack of decorations, pictures, and things that they were planning on re-gifting but never did and she was grateful for that.

"Wow!" said Alice softly as she got a good look at David Sr. He was sitting in an old comfy chair in a pair of blue jeans an nothing else. He looked like Roach only...better. He looked much older and had a much better build. Alice liked it. Looking at him was like looking at a grown up version of Roach with a few variations. She moved a little to the right to get a better look at him and bumped into a shelf full of tiny models behind her.

"David Jr., you know how I don't like you sneakin' around and stalking people. If you've got something to tell me then tell me and if you're just watching me please stop, it's kinda creepy."said David Sr. still relaxed in his comfy chair. He tolerated most of the strange and downright bizarre thing that his son did but stalking him was crossing the line. That was what he did sometimes to various family members just to be near them and everyone but Dot found it just a tiny bit creepy, she was a bit flattered.

"C'mon David, I ain't gonna hurt ya'." said David Sr. taking another sip of his beer. Alice debated with herself whether or not she should make her presence known. He did say that he wasn't going to hurt her but then again he thought that she was Roach. She decided to stay hidden behind the boxes and when he got distracted again she would walk home and wait by her front door for Debbie to come back home and let her in the house.

"Honestly!" muttered David Sr. as he got out of his comfy chair and went towards where Alice was hiding. Alice wanted to move but she felt paralyzed. David Sr. moved the stack of boxes and was surprised to see not his son but a visibly freaked out Alice.

"Uh...hi?" said David Sr. for lack of anything else. He was confused as to why his son's possible girlfriend would be hiding in his garage but then again they were both known to do strange and highly illogical things.

"H-Hi Mr. Roach's real father." said Alice quietly still crouched on the ground. That was very awkward for the both of them. Alice was embarrassed and slightly scared about being caught and David Sr. realized that he was almost naked except for a pair old, worn out blue jeans that he got in 1980.

"What...uh...brings you here? You and David aren't playing hide-and-seek in weird places again are you?" said David Sr. as he nonchalantly reached for his T-shirt. Alice nodded her head 'no' as he pulled the T-shirt over his head.

"You still haven't answered my question kid, why the hell are you hiding in my garage?" said David Sr. thoroughly confused by the entire situation.

"I-I wanted to s-s-see Roach and th-then I h-heard the music a-and I thought that he might be here." said Alice stuttering horribly. She wanted to be anywhere but there and she was hoping that she could be sent home soon.

**'Well, duh!' **thought David Sr. as he rolled his eyes. Of course she was looking for her friend. They were always together whenever they could be and if they had been younger it would have been cute but at their ages it was just a bit worrying.

"Well, he's not here right now so you should maybe, you know, go home or somethin'." said David Sr. who wanted to be alone and not a babysitter. Alice was happy that he said that and got up to go. She then realized that she was thirsty and decided to get a drink from the hose as she left because she couldn't get a drink inside of her house because she didn't have her key.

"OK, goodbye Mr. Roach's real father. It was nice to see you again." said Alice as she got up to leave. She took a drink from the hose as she planned but David Sr. heard it turn on and muttered something about never having a moment to himself.

"What the heck are you doin' now, kid?" asked David Sr. as he walked up to her. Alice jumped back startled and David Sr. mentally kicked himself for startling her.

"I-I-I was thirsty." said Alice shaking. She was afraid at that moment and she felt like she was going to wet herself. David Sr. looked at her for a bit before deciding that she might need a ride home. If she did she was out of luck because David Sr. wasn't quite to sure where the keys to the other family vehicle were because his wife took the other car and he carpooled to work.

"So you drank from the hose?" said David Sr. cocking an eyebrow. She might have been strange but his son was much stranger. They were made for each other in his opinion. Alice nodded while looking down at her shoes.

"I'm sorry." said Alice quietly fearing at least getting yelled at. This confused David Sr., what on earth did she have to be sorry about?

"Whatever. You really shouldn't be drinking from hoses though, you'll get sick. Why don't you drink some nice tap water at your place?"

"I can't." said Alice quietly

"Why not?" said David Sr.

"Nobody's home." said Alice a bit less nervously

"What do you mean? I thought that you had a sister."

"My sister told me to stay with Roach while she went to do things with her friends."

"Don't you have, like, a house key or something."

"I forgot it."

"That sucks, kid. Well if you got nowhere else to go I guess you can stay here for a little bit."

"Thank you Mr. Roach's real father."

"Whatever. Oh and kid, call me Dave."

"OK...Dave." said Alice giggly the last part. She had never in her life called an adult by their first name. David Sr. smiled a bit at her adorable giggling. She reminded him of his daughter Donna when she was young. He led her into the house and got her a real glass of water. She took it gratefully. It was a win-win situation for both of them because she got a place to stay and he got an excuse to cut the rest of his day at work. He wasn't going to get fired or get his pay docked because his father was his boss and he wasn't about to let his grandchildren starve.

"Listen you can uh...do what you want but just don't, you know, break anything." said David Sr. who still wanted to be alone with his beer, models, and records from his old garage band days back in the 70's.

"Yes sir." said Alice quietly looking down at her water glass. She was getting nervous around him again. She couldn't look at him without seeing him in nothing but a pair of worn blue jeans. He on the other hand just assumed that she was nervous and severely under socialized.

"Remember, don't break anything, don't drink the cleaning products under the sink, and don't burn my house down. You got it?"

"Yes sir."

"Please don't call me sir. Sir is my father, call me Dave."

"Alright Dave. Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Roach said that his name is your name which is your father's name which is his name which was-"

"What I mean was that you calling me 'sir' makes me feel old. I'm only thirty two for God 's sake."

"Alright Dave."

"That's more like it. Oh, remember what I said."

"I remember."

"Good. Well, I'll be seeing you."and with that David Sr. went back to his garage. Alice finished her water and looked around, she had never been in Roach's house when he wasn't there before. She giggled a bit and decided to go to his room. She had never been in his room without him being home before and she decided to take advantage of the situation. She entered his room and went right to his box under his bed. First thing she was going to do was to look at the magazines that he kept with the naked women in them.

**'I don't get it, what's so good about this? Sure they look pretty but I still don't get why Roach has so many and why he keeps them in his secret box. I understand why they don't have clothes on either. It must be one of those boy things. I wonder what else besides these magazines, his journal, and the clothes he escaped in he has in here.' **Thought Alice as she continued to invade Roach's privacy. She knew that it was wrong but she was curious about what he kept in his secret box. She knew that his feelings would be hurt if he ever found out about what she was doing but she was going to make sure that he never found out.

**'So that's where that went! Why does Roach have this anyway?' **thought Alice as she saw a few Polaroids of herself that she took. She was just smiling in some of them but she was right next to Roach in another and on the back he wrote something. She decided to read it.

_There is so much I could tell her_

_If I had a tongue that is_

_She is my pleasure_

_She is also my pain_

_But I have to settle for standing next to her smiling_

_With my empty blue eyes_

_8-18-91_

Alice read it and reread it. She smiled and held it close to her heart. She was sure that it meant that he had feelings for her that were the same as her feelings for him. She also took their date as confirmation and she just had to hear it from him personally. This gave her an idea. She found his journal and began to read it.

_8-24-91_

_This is going to be a bad day, I can tell. First I had the strangest dream where we as the people under the stairs rose up and took control of the house and I was named the leader but I couldn't tell who my wife was, her face was hidden by a paper bag with a yellow happy face drawn on it. Boss was my slave boy and Fool was dressed like a court jester. Then it started to rain ranch dressing and shrimp puffs. Then I woke up with ranch dressing on my head which leaves me to think that today will be a bad day. Also my sock had a hole in it, Donna recorded me showering, I stubbed my broken toe, got salt in my burn, and then a squirrel almost bit me. (It's only noon!)I hope that I don't end up dead or anything like that. Well, gotta go!_

_-David the unlucky cockroach boy_

Alice smiled a bit as she read his journal. She always enjoyed hearing what he dreamed about and she also felt a bit sorry that his day went so badly. She decided to continue reading.

_8-24-91-continued_

_Tonight or maybe tomorrow(It's about 2:00 a.m.). Well aside from the badness of this morning the rest of my day went well. Well, kinda sorta well. Most if my food made it into my mouth at dinner and stayed there and I had the most amazing dream.(At least I think it was amazing, I don't remember much of it.)I knew that it involved me dancing on Daddy's grave .I think it might have been me who put him in the grave.(I can't kill but I still dream about it.) I don't know what woke me up though.(I don't sleep very much for some reason, probably my childhood.) Well I should go to sleep now so I don't pass out during the day._

_-Roach the insomniac_

Alice smiled a bit and twisted a piece of her hair between her fingers. She knew what she was doing was wrong but she didn't care at the moment. Usually she was a good girl but it felt great to be bad. She felt like she did whenever she fed roach, escaped from being locked in her room, or mentally told Mommy or Daddy to go to hell. She giggled a bit as she read on.

_8-25-91_

_I just got to doing some math in my head so I don't forget how(It happened to most of the people under the stairs and I don't want it to happen to me)and that got me to thinking. Last time I checked Messenger was 25 or maybe 26. Daddy is Messenger's grandfather and possibly his father too(That guy is really messed up)but he's only about 50 or 51. That means that Messenger was born when he was about 25 or 24 but the weird thing is that she who was tied to bed was only 11 I think when she had Messenger's mother so that means that if Daddy is Messenger's father he fucked a kid.(Not that he hasn't done that before).Shudder. I'm going to throw up now._

_-The now sick to his stomach boy named Roach_

Alice looked at the clock ad saw that about half an hour had passed. She knew that Roach could be coming home at any time but she had to read what he wrote about their date. She knew that this was an invasion of his privacy but she just had to know what he thought about it, about her. She flipped to the last entry.

_8-29-91_

_I just went on a date. An actual honest to God date! With Alice! Well, last night we went on a date and it actually went well.(I was so sure I was going to fuck this up!) the bets part was we kissed when it was over.(With tongues!)She used her tongue and I did my best with what little tongue I had(I can add that to my list of cons)it was amazing. Does she feel the same about me? I hope she does. If she doesn't I'm either going to have to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge(I've always wanted to see New York)or learn to live with it.(Since I don't remember how to swim I'm just going to have to learn to live with it. Well, that and I'm not about to have fought for my life just to kill myself)On another note Donna is still recording my every action which is actually really annoying.(She tried to tape me showering)ad downright creepy. I guess that I should stop now(Breakfast is ready)_

_-Roach the dream date_

Alice smiled and held the book close to her heart. This was her confirmation that Roach had feelings for her that went past friendship. She kissed his journal and put it back in his box. She then began to twirl around his floor in happiness. She looked like a ballerina as she twirled on her tiptoes all around his room. She collapsed on his bed and held it close to her. His smell lingered on it and that made her feel like it was him holding her.

"Roach." muttered Alice quietly into the blanket. She wanted right then and there to tell him how she felt about him but unfortunately he wasn't there. She sat there for a few more minutes before she began to feel the familiar pangs of hunger. She could have ignored it like she did before but she wondered why she should ignore it ow that she was free. She had been told countless times that she could eat whenever she was hungry but she had always gone back to the old ways of ignoring it until food was put in front of her. She decided to see if Roach had food stashed somewhere around his room and after a few minutes of searching she found a box of crackers under the bed. She ate a few and then began to feel thirsty. She decided to go downstairs and get something to drink. She had finished her water glass and it had been put back in the cabinet.

"Oh great!" said Alice sarcastically because she couldn't remember which glass was hers and she knew that some of the glasses in the cabinet belonged only to specific Cullen's. She opened the other cabinet and she still couldn't remember which was hers. She then decided to to get a soda because she was done suppressing thirst and hunger. She still snuck around though as a force of habit. Little did she know that Morgan and Trysta and Dottie had been playing their version of Russian Roulette with soda cans earlier that day. They had grown bored with the game when nobody had won and they had forgotten that several cans were still shook up and left for an unfortunate person to find. Alice was the unfortunate person who found that shook up can of soda. She opened it and got her head and chest covered in soda. She stood there surprised for a moment and just a bit frightened. She always hated when that happened to her.

**'Who in their right mind shook a can of soda?! Probably Roach's little brother Morgan, he's always doing stuff like this. Oh no, I'm all sticky and my dress is going to be stained. OK, I've just got to stay calm. Maybe I could take a really quick shower before Roach gets home. Yes, that's what I'll do.' **thought Alice as she wet to Roach's bathroom. The last time this had happened she had gotten so scared that she hid under her kitchen table while Debbie laughed. She shuddered at that memory, she didn't like to remember the rare times that her sister had gotten a laugh at her expense. She stripped down and only turned on the cold water, she still couldn't handle hot or even warm water. As she went over her body with soap she then had a thought.

**'This is Roach's soap. He uses this soap when he takes a shower too. This soap touches him everywhere. Even...there.'** thought Alice as she went over herself with the soap. It smelled like him. She took extra care when she went over herself because the soap that she was using was his. It had touched him more intimately than anyone ever had as far as she knew. She imagined that it was Roach covering her with soap. She imagined it was him as she went up her calves, her thighs, up and up. She moaned his name as she almost fell against the wall. Luckily she could not be heard over the rush of the water. She began to moan his name louder and louder as she moved faster and faster.

"Oh yes!" said Alice loudly as she felt the most amazing feeling she had ever felt in her life. She smiled contentedly as she slumped down to the green rubber daisies on the bottom of the bathtub. She sat there feeling exhausted but still amazing for a few more minutes before she decided to get out of the tub before Roach got home. She had just started toweling off when the bathroom door opened and Roach walked in while unzipping his pants. They looked at each other and screamed.

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Awkwardness ahoy! Note: I'd like to thank My-Endless-Destiny for letting me put her in this fic and I'd also like to thank Aris1013, NotAContrivance, and Wisery for helping me to sort out my idea for this fic. You all rock! You rock out loud!


	31. The woes of hormones

Disclaimer: In the words of Jerry Seinfeld or maybe it was Elaine "Yadda, yadda, yadda..."

"Roach!" screamed Alice loudly dropping her towel and then trying desperately to pick the towel up again. Roach wanted to help her but he couldn't stop looking at her damp, pale, naked body. It wasn't as good as he imagined it and it had several scars that were covered by her clothes usually but it was still her naked body on the floor of his bathroom trying to pick up that ripped green towel.

"Sowry!(Sorry!)" said Roach finding his voice and control of his muscles again. He ran to his room just as she wrapped the towel around herself. She slammed the door and sat on the toilet breathing heavily. That had been the single most embarrassing experience of her life. She blushed horribly as she replayed the scene in her mind. The embarrassment was replaced by anger.

**'Doesn't Roach ever knock! You're supposed to knock whenever you try and open the bathroom door! He saw me naked! Roach saw me naked! Well, I've seen him naked but that's not the point. What is the point? The point is that Roach isn't ever supposed to see me naked! I'm going to go and have him apologize! I know that he's my best friend but he still should have knocked!' ** thought Alice as she stormed out of the bathroom but not before taking a pink bathrobe off of the bathroom door because her clothes had gotten wet.

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**'Oh my God! Oh my God! That didn't just happen! That didn't just happen! I didn't just see Alice naked! Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Oh God, I'm in denial. I'm just going to have to avoid her for the rest of my life. I'll have to spend the rest of my life under this bed. My children's children will grow up under this bed! Wait, how will I have children if I'm living under this bed? That's not important! What is important is that I just saw Alice naked and not through her vent. I got the full frontal view of her small tits, round ass, and ever her-no! This is not the time to be visualizing her naked! Wait, are those footsteps?' ** thought Roach as he sat under his bed curled up in a ball. He was going to avoid Alice under his bed until he went home and then possibly for the rest of his life because even though it pained him to do so it had to be done to avoid awkwardness. He heard some dainty but angry footsteps coming towards him and he went closer to his wall. He gasped as he saw a pair of pale legs and the hem of Trysta's bathrobe stop in front of him.

"I know you're under the bed Roach, I can hear you breathing." said Alice crossing her arms angrily. She was angrier at Roach than she had ever been before, not that she could ever remember being angry at Roach before. She tapped her foot and waited for Roach to come out from under his bed but he stayed there hoping that she's go look for him somewhere else.

"Roach! Come out of there! Please? Roach?" said Alice stomping her foot. Roach sighed and came out from under the bed. He only came out because he was afraid of his parents finding out what was going on. That would not be easy or pleasant to explain. He slowly crawled out from under his bed and stood next to Alice. He blushed as he remembered all that he saw of her. He forced himself to look her in the eye even though he wanted to look at her, more specifically the parts of her that strained against the too small for her bathrobe.

"Uhm sowry Uhliss. Peez fugiv meh.(I'm sorry Alice, please forgive me.)" said Roach hoping that Alice would forgive him for walking in on her even though he really had no idea that she would even be in there.

"Why didn't you knock?" said Alice not as mad at him but still a bit angry. She knew that he didn't really have any reason to suspect that she would even be in there but he still shouldn't have barged in like that. It was a bathroom after all.

"(I didn't think that you'd be in there. Why were you in my house in the first place?)" said Roach who wasn't all too happy with the idea of Alice being alone in his free to look through his things. He hoped that she didn't read his journal again, it was bad enough that Donna read it.

"Debbie dropped me off and I don't have a house key with me." said Alice nervously twisting the tie of the robe. She was getting less and less angry when she started to realize that she too was at fault.

"(Why didn't you just stay at Fool's house?)" said Roach who felt that it would be a more logical thing to do than stay in his house when there was nobody but his father home. He could hear his parents arguing loudly downstairs and it made him nervous but it also made him glad that Alice didn't break into his house. He couldn't even picture her doing such a thing.

"Uh...it's too far from here." said Alice not really lieing because it was far away from roach's house. She didn't want Roach to know about the whole thing with Fool, ever.

"(Why were you taking a shower at my house in the first place?)"

"A can of soda exploded on me and I got all sticky." said Alice blushing from the embarrassment that she suffered from that. Roach cursed Morgan, Trysta, and Dottie's name under his breath. They had inadvertently been the cause of all this.

"(That's Morgan and Trysta's doing. They were playing Russian roulette with soda cans.)"

"Russian roulette?" asked Alice quietly but still genuinely curious. Roach thought that she was changing the subject but decided to go with it because anything would be better than talking about what had transpired between them.

"(It's a game only you play with a gun usually.)"

"Sounds dangerous." said Alice changing the subject to something else, anything else.

"Yeah." said Roach. They sat in silence for a moment before Roach made an 'OK' sign with his fingers and then pointed to her. She twisted her hair between her fingers and then looked at him, then the ground, then at him again.

"I'm still kinda mad at you Roach. I feel kinda violated right now." said Alice looking down. Roach felt bad that he made her feel that way and he got an idea which he wasn't wild about but he'd do anything to make her feel better. He loved her.

"(Would it make you feel better if you saw me naked?)" said Roach. It was the best idea he could think of in such a short amount of time. Alice's eyes widened at his question. She was afraid but at the same time excited about seeing him naked. True she had seen him naked before but that was a brief glimpse.

"Naked in your underwear naked or all the way naked?" asked Alice timidly. Roach let out a sigh of relief, he thought that he had scared her for a moment. That also made him re think his idea. He little to no problem with her seeing him in his baggy boxers. Then again he wanted to be fair and he was also a bit excited at being naked in front of her. It was evident and that was why he was grateful for the bagginess of his pants.

"(All the way.)" said Roach finally. That made Alice smile a bit as her eyes went to the slight bulge in his pants. It was that part of him that interested her the most and she had only gotten a brief glimpse of it the first time she peeped at him. She smiled and nodded 'yes' mutely.

**'OK, showtime. I can't believe that I'm actually doing this but it's just to make things even between us. She didn't strip for me but I did watch her undress that time when we were still prisoners but she watched me undress that other time. Wait, now that I saw her naked it makes the scale of evenness uneven.'** thought Roach as he slowly began to unbutton his shirt. He was having second thoughts as he pulled it over his head revealing the cotton undershirt he was wearing. Alice blushed and felt embarrassed but also excited as she saw some of his muscles straining against the white cotton of his shirt.

"Gohuh pee!" said Roach remembering that he had to pee and ran to the bathroom. Alice didn't feel like he really had to go to the bathroom but he wanted to get out of having to strip for her. Roach on the other hand took that as time to get rid of his not so little problem. He fixed his hair a bit and went back to a worried Alice. Alice almost jumped off of his bed when he came back but she restrained herself. Roach went back to where he was and pulled his T-shirt over his head. She stood up and traced his scars. He took her hand, guided it to his face, and kissed her once on the lips. What had once been just a way of evening things out between them was now something romantic. Alice giggled a bit and sat down on his bed to enjoy the show. She held her legs together so Roach wouldn't see what this was doing to her.

**'OK, now for the point of no return. Do I really want to do this? Why? This is what boyfriends do for their girlfriends, right? Wait, is she my girlfriend. Maybe not, we only went on one date but then again we have seen each other naked. Hell, me and Donna have seen each other naked but we aren't a couple. Now that would be disturbing!' **Thought Roach as he slowly pulled the zipper to his jeans down. He took in a deep breath and pulled his jeans down. He stood there in nothing but his smiley face boxers. Their eyes met and he knew what she wanted. She wanted to see him. She began to nonchalantly rub her thighs together as she watched him undress for her. She smiled at him. She felt like such a bad girl then, not like Alice. Alice was a very good little girl but this new part of her loved to be bad. She could bear Mommy's voice in her head telling her that she was a bad girl and that she would burn in hell but she told that voice that it could go to hell and take Daddy's voice with it. Daddy's voice was telling her that she would be beaten for enjoying this and that she was a whore but she told that voice to join Mommy in hell.

"(Are you sure about this?)" asked Roach with his hands on the waistband of his boxers. He was feeling nervous again and wondered if it would be alright with her if she stopped. He both wanted to and didn't want to stop. She wanted him to keep going and nodded 'yes'. He honored her request ad pulled his boxers down to his ankles and then kicked them off. He didn't feel violated like he did when the people under the stairs would strip him and touch him. He felt like he could trust Alice. The moment felt right to him, like his entire life was leading up to him letting Alice see him in and all his scars and cuts and bruises and burns. Other people had seen them but he didn't get a say in it like he did then.

"Wow!" whispered Alice as she saw it. She had never gotten such a good view before and she took it in. She could feel many questions being born inside of her mind as she stared at that one crucial part of him that made him male. Roach began to feel uncomfortable as she just starred at him like that. She reached a hand out to touch it and he grabbed her hand and shook his head 'no'. She felt bad and blushed. He wondered if she wanted him to put his clothes back on but he waited for her to tell him so.

"I-I'm sorry." said Alice looking down but still risking glances at him. She then got an idea to make him feel more comfortable because she could sense that this was making him very uncomfortable. She stood up and before he could ask what she was doing she dropped her robe. Hie eyes widened as he took in he female form.

"Whuh?" asked Roach as she stood before him wearing absolutely nothing. He began to force himself not to react to what he was seeing but a certain part of him wasn't listening. He began to blush horribly but Alice wasn't even looking at that particular area of his body. She was looking him in the eye to gauge his reaction.

"So you won't feel embarrassed." said Alice simply. She could hear Mommy and Daddy's voices in her head threatening her and calling her names. She could also hear he own doubtful voice telling her that what she was doing was wrong. She didn't listen to any of the voices as she stood a bit too close for comfort in front of him completely naked.

"(You-you didn't have t-t-too.)" stuttered Roach as he fought the urge to look down at her breasts. He didn't understand what was going on. First she was angry that he saw her naked and then she went and dropped her robe right in front of him on purpose. He began to wonder if Alice had suffered a recent head injury.

"I wanted to." said Alice simply as she let him take her in. His eyes widened at what she was saying and he began to get half hard. She didn't notice, thankfully.

"(I don't understand.)"

"Well, this time I want you to see me naked. Before you just barged in on me."

"(Alice, I think you need a doctor!)" said Roach. He knew that she was being logical be he imagined that Alice must have eaten something bad or hit her head or something to be making her act wild and crazy like that.

"Why would I need to see the doctor? I feel fine."

**'You look fine.' ** thought Roach as his eyes trailed up her body. His brain was once again fighting with his libido and his libido was finally loosing. It wasn't like Roach had anything against seeing women naked, on the contrary he loved it, but this wasn't Alice's normal good girl behavior and it was scaring him.

"(You're not acting like yourself.)"

"Maybe I am acting like myself and the person I usually act like is the person Mommy and Daddy made me into?" said Alice who was having a momentary wild streak. She imagined that this is what her sister must have felt like everyday. She felt free. She felt like she didn't have to be good or watch her words or only do good things. She wanted to do bad things and be a bad girl.

"(Maybe but still, I never imagined you doing this!)" said Roach motioning toward her naked body. She took offense to that because it was a lie. She knew from reading his journal that he thought about her doing things like that all the time.

"Yes you have." said Alice matter of factly as she remembered a passage she read in his journal about one of his dreams involving her. Roach looked at her for a long time before shaking his head. He'd deal with that later but first he had this to worry about.

"(How do you? Wait, never mind!)"

"Y-you have a n-nice body." stuttered Alice coming out of her momentary wild streak. She began to feel a bit self conscious and she put her legs a bit closer together. She could feel a bit of wetness on her inner thigh and she prayed that Roach didn't notice. Thankfully he didn't.

"(You too. You look wonderful.)" said Roach being completely honest with her. She wasn't a playboy centerfold but she looked better than Headbanger and Singer put together. He wanted to throw her on the bed and do her right then and there but he wouldn't ever force himself on her. If she was willing it would have been different but his parents were home and he didn't want to risk them getting walked in on.

"Y-you can t-t-touch me if you want." said Alice quietly looking down at her feet. Roach's jaw would have dropped straight to the floor if it wasn't securely attached. What did she just say?

"Whuh!?" said Roach sticking his finger in his ear to clean it.

"If you want to, you can touch me. I think you want to." said Alice taking his hand in hers and bringing it to the side of her face acting on pure instinct. Roach nodded 'yes' after some deliberation. He ran his hand down the side of her face down lower and lower. He traced her collar bone and went down until he got to her breast. She felt uncomfortable but at the same time excited as he went gently along her breast savoring her feel while trying to make her feel good at the same time. She gasped when he got to a particularly sensitive spot and he repeated the action when he realized that he hadn't hurt her. He put his other hand on her thigh and looked her in the eyes.

"(You can touch me if you want to.)" said Roach quietly. Alice smiled and began to run a hand along his chest lower and lower as he went closer and closer to her womanhood. Before anything interesting could happen there was a knock at the door. They instantly took their hands off of each other.

"David honey, is Alice in there with you?" said an angry and worried Amanda. She was angry at her husband and worried because she saw Alice's clothes o the bathroom floor. She had just seen her son do something sexual with an older woman earlier that day. She didn't want to become a grandmother at thirty one.

"Yeah." said Roach a bit unsure as he began to put his clothes on. Alice quickly put the bathrobe on and tried to be nonchalant while she wore it. Both of them were blushing so badly that they could be mistaken for tomatoes.

"I'm coming in." said Amanda as she heard the frantic movement. She felt bad that she might have been walking in on them but it was the only way that he would learn. Roach quickly kicked the boxers that he forgot to put back on under the bed. Alice draped the blanket around herself . Amanda waited a few seconds before coming in. She knew for a fact that something sexual had just gone on. Alice was wrapped in the blanket like a mummy. She was mentally praying for Amanda to leave the room so that she could retrieve her damp clothing and maybe get home. She didn't know how she was going to stay at Roach's house after what the two of them had done together. Roach began to pray for his mother and father to start arguing again so that his mother would leave the room. He pulled his flannel shirt down to hide the noticeable bulge in his pants.

"What uh...what's goin' on in here?" asked Amanda as she surveyed the room. She tsked as she saw a pair of boxers half pushed under the bed. They both blushed and looked very suspicious. Amanda sat on the bed by Alice and made herself comfortable. Roach and Alice both looked very uncomfortable and they exchanged a look. Amanda smirked a bit. If this was the only way that they were going to learn besides unplanned pregnancy then so be it.

"Nuhin'(Nothin')" said Roach as he sat on a chair and crossed his legs. Amanda knew very well what he was planning to hide and she wished that she didn't. No mother ever wanted to think about the sex lives of their children. Alice pulled the blanket a bit tighter around herself. She didn't want Roach's mother to see what she was wearing because then she would know what had just gone on in the room.

"Are you cold, Alice?" said Amanda who was getting a bit of entertainment from this whole thing. She had done the exact same thing with the first boy Donna had ever slept with and he never came back again. She hoped that Alice would come back, she just didn't want any hancky-pancky going on under her roof.

"Y-yes." said Alice quietly. She decided to pretend that the room was a freezer to keep her act up but Amanda saw through her like tupperware. Roach bit his lower lip and looked down at his feet. He knew that Alice would eventually crack and that it would all be out in the open like it was with him and Headbanger. It was bad enough that his mother knew about Headbanger but she didn't need to know about Alice too.

"I'm kinda cold too, why don't you share some of the blanket?" said Amanda looking Alice right in the eye. Roach held his breath as Alice reached a shaking hand out from the blanket. A bit of pink could be seen and Amanda recognized it as Trysta's bathrobe.

**'Note to self, dry clean that bathrobe and buy David Jr. a box of condoms, then forget this whole thing ever happened.' **thought Amanda as she watched the two of them shift uncomfortably. They both looked like they were hiding something and Amanda felt a bit of nostalgia as she remembered scenes like that transpiring between David Sr. and her many times during their teen years. That scared Amanda also as she remembered who came after their little scenes.

"Here." said Alice giving her a small corner of blanket. Amanda rolled her eyes and decided to leave them alone. She could embarrass Roach plenty later when contraception was explained to him by her. She had already trusted David Sr. to teach him about privacy and it was apparent that it didn't make an impression.

"You guys should come downstairs in a few minutes, I'll make snacks." said Amanda as she left the room. When she left they both let out a breath that they had been unconsciously holding. Alice took off the blanket and Roach got a free show as her robe hiked up to her waist. It wasn't like it wasn't anything he hadn't seen before. Alice blushed, closed her legs, and pulled the robe down.

"I-I'll go get my clothes then." said Alice as she attempted to leave Roach's room. Roach felt bad that she had to wear wet clothes and then he got another and thankfully nonsexual idea. He guided her to his closet and he pulled out a pair of pants that were semi tight on him and a baggy T-shirt that he never wore because of the fact that it was dark pink. Alice took the clothes from Roach and got the message. She shed her robe and Roach turned around because she didn't say if she wanted him to look at her. Alice didn't really want him to look at her right then. She didn't know what came over her and she wasn't all that bothered about it. She felt good when she thought of what she and Roach did. It made her feel scared, happy, and nervous at the same time. She felt a bit bothered about not telling him that she might have been pregnant but she couldn't think of a good way to bring it up. She needed help with the pants though because she had spent her entire life in dresses. He got her some suspenders to hold the pants up. As he hooked the suspenders to her pants he kissed her stomach impulsively. Alice giggled and stroked his hair lovingly. They both knew that their feelings were returned but there was a nagging doubt withing them. They went downstairs awkwardly and sat at the kitchen table where Amanda served them some snacks.

"OK then." said Amanda when she saw Alice's attire. She knew that those were her son's clothes and she added that to the tell-tale signs. She blushed as she served them some snacks that were bad for them. As she served them she nonchalantly inspected them for bruises, hickeys, or any of the other tell-tale signs of love making. It wouldn't surprise her if they made love in the time that she and her husband were arguing, they were pretty loud when they argued about responsibility. After their snack they went outside to sit in the sunshine. They laid down on the lawn and looked up at the clouds.

"It feels good doesn't it? The fresh air I mean." said Alice as she looked up at the clouds through her heart shaped sun glasses. This was a favorite activity of theirs, enjoying what people who had been free all their lives took for granted.

"Yeah, weeree gud.(Yeah, really good.)" said Roach as he looked up at the sky. He always saw morbid images in the clouds but he wasn't going to tell Alice that. There were times when he wondered what she saw in the clouds. She usually listed off happy things whenever he asked but he could see it on her face that she was lying.

"This is nice. Being together is nice." said Alice nervously as she watched some squirrels in the tree next to them fighting over some food. Roach laughed morbidly as he remembered the fight for food between the tops when he was back in the cellar. That laugh scared Alice a bit but she didn't say anything. She never called Roach on the things that scared her like when he's laugh at something horrible, eat like he was starving, mutter things in his sleep that scared her and so on and so forth.

"Yeah, ih iss.(Yeah, it is.)" said Roach looking at her remembering the feel of her skin under his hands and the smell of her hair. No matter how much he tried he couldn't get the mental image of her naked out of his mind. Alice was feeling the same way as she replayed his strip show in her mind and she felt herself getting wet.

"Yowr wundufuh.(You're a wonderful person.)" said Roach who almost let an 'I love you' slip out. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops that he loved her but he restrained himself from doing so.

"So are you and you have a nice body." said Alice blushing at the memory. Roach blushed too before turning on his slide, planting his arms at either side of her, and planting a simple peck on her lips. She returned the peck and he smelled her hair.

"Yoo hev a veery ice bohee too.(You have a very nice body too.)" said Roach rubbing his nose against hers in an Eskimo kiss. They sat there in their love bubble until Debbie came over looking for Alice. Roach kissed the top of her hand like a gentleman as she left. They both felt like they were walking on air. His parents noticed this over dinner and they decided to teach him about contraception tomorrow because most of the time he was Prozac or Valium happy, not truly happy. He slept that night dreaming of her and she the same. Things were even looking up for a certain Fool as well.

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Fool decided to take a walk to cope with his rejection. He had been rejected before but never under the circumstances that Alice had broken up with him. His wanderings led him to an arcade far from his house. He gasped in surprise, he had been so deep in thought that he didn't notice where he was walking. He hoped that he could get back home but first he needed some R&V, rest and video games. He nonchalantly hit an old gumball machine outside the arcade. Several quarters fell out and he went into the thankfully air conditioned arcade. He at first went to play Pacman, a personal favorite of his but then he noticed a group of kids crowded around a machine.

"Can you believe she's still on her first quarter?!" said one kid to another in front of him. Fool decided to try and push past the crowd but it was just too thick so he settled on listening to their conversation.

"Yeah, and she's younger than we are!"

"I hear her brother's that mute guy that they saved from that Robeson place." said the kid before he cheered loudly. Fool was now interested and he began to crawl through the crowd to see what one of Roach's sisters was doing. He imagined that it had something to do with a highscore. He finally got to the front where he saw Trysta fully in the zone completely oblivious to the crowd around her. She didn't want to spend any more time than absolutely necessary with her grandparents because she had better things to do than listen to them go on and on about her long lost brother.

"Fuck yeah!" said Trysta as she won the game. She then looked at everyone around her, blushed, took a bow, and ran for the bathroom. Fool looked at her for a while before he collected her tickets for her and waited outside of the bathroom for her. He was just getting her tickets to be nice. Trysta came out of the bathroom after having held it for hours and she was surprised to see Fool waiting for her with a whole bunch of tickets for her.

"Hey Trysta, I got these for you. You know, so nobody takes 'em or anythin'" said Fool handing her an insane amount of tickets. Trysta looked at him nervously and then looked down at her shoes as she remembered the kiss that they shared.

"Th-thanks Fool. You rock." said Trysta nervously as she looked down at her shoes. Fool handed her the tickets and lingered a bit as he held her hand. He was on the rebound and she was looking very good to him right then. She was once again wearing Donna's old clothes which were baggy on her so he couldn't tell that she was only ten.

"Thanks. So uh...what are you doin' all the way over here anyway?"

"We're staying with my grandparents and I snuck off."

"Is Roach stayin' there too?"said Fool with a bit of anger seeping into his voice. He was jealous of Roach because he got Alice and he had nobody. Trysta didn't notice as she eyed the prize counter.

"No, mommy's little Davey Wavey is still back at the house." said Trysta with contempt as she got a prize from the prize counter. It was less of an arcade and more of a Chuck-E-Cheese ripoff but it had video games and she wasn't complaining. Fool laughed a bit at the Davey Wavey part and Trysta bit her lower lip from nervousness. She was just now starting to like boys so she didn't have any experience with the opposite sex.

"That's good." said Fool before he could catch himself. Trysta looked at him after claiming her prize and she cocked an eyebrow. She imagined that things would be awkward between the two of them after the kiss and maybe they even had a fight.

"Why's that good? You guys have, like, a fight or something?"

"You could say that."

"He can't." said Trysta trying to make a joke as they left the arcade. Fool gave her a look, that was in no way funny to him. He and Roach weren't exactly on the best of terms but he'd never joke about that.

"That ain't funny." said Fool in all seriousness. Trysta looked down embarrassed at her own actions. She began to mentally kick herself for being so stupid.

"Sorry, Fool."

"It's OK but you shouldn't make fun of him like that. It ain't nice"

"I don't usually make fun of him at all."

"That's good. That guy's got a million problems and he don't need people makin' fun of him."

"I read ya loud and clear."

"I owe him." said Fool after a while. He felt that he owed Roach for pulling him into the wall when Daddy had him cornered. He wondered if Roach felt the same way. Trysta thought that he meant that her brother owed him money or a favor.

"What do you mean? Like money or somethin'?"

"My life." said Fool quietly as they continued to walk down the street. Trysta gave him a long look as she tried to comprehend what he just said. What did he mean by that?

"What do you mean 'your life'? He push you out of the way of a movin' car or somethin'?"

"He saved me from getting eaten and getting shot." said Fool quietly. He began to feel nervous as he remembered his time in the house. The words 'run Fool!' began to play themselves over and over again in his mind. Trysta noticed this and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. It made him feel better

"No way!" said Trysta amazed that her brother would do something like that for a guy he didn't even know at the time. It also made her confused as to why they would have a fight after he saved Fool's life.

"Way. He saved my life and I saved his." said Fool remembering Roach and him in the crematorium pipe while Roach was bleeding to death. He shook his head, he hated having flashbacks.

"Well, that cancels it out then." said Trysta matter-of-factly. Fool looked at her for a long time before he got her logic. It was just what he needed to hear and he took her hand as a show of gratitude. She blushed and resisted the urge to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Ya think?" asked Fool hopefully. Trysta smiled at him and nodded. Fool resisted the urge to take her right then and then not that he had ever done that with a girl before.

"I'm pretty sure that's how it works." they continued walking until they got to a park. Trysta resisted the urge to run around on the play equipment as she remembered that she had told Fool that she was twelve and twelve year olds didn't run around in a park. They both sat down at a bench. Fool was still feeling vulnerable from the rejection by Alice and Trysta was just sitting there. He didn't know her that well but then again he didn't know Roach or Alice that well either. They chatted a bit and Fool began to forget about how Alice rejected him for Roach. Eventually it came time for them to part ways and just before they left they exchanged phone numbers and Fool gave her a quick peck on the lips. She skipped back to her grandparent's house and she could swear that she hear 'Walking on Sunshine' playing in the background.

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Messenger was currently sitting on the floor of his new cellar. It was where he felt the most at home and he really needed to feel at home. He was hiding because he wanted to feel at home and he also didn't know how he was going to handle the stares that he kept getting. He very rarely felt embarrassed but when the entire family stared at him as he ate under the table digging his hands into his food made him feel embarrassed. He felt like an outcast as the family ate up high on the table. He wanted to be a part of them but he also wanted to be a person under the stairs. He was a person under the stairs. He put a hand on his chest as if to feel for the rib that belonged to his husband which he always wore close to his heart. He cried when he realized that it had been taken from him along with the red blanket that he had worn his whole life. He had been in the cellar all night ad he was grateful that non of them noticed. Little did he know however that his new family assumed that he was in his room sulking or something along those lines. He leaned against the wall and cried as he felt overwhelmed by all that was happening. Eloise heard this and went down to the cellar where she was greeted with a pitiful site.

"Messenger, what's wrong?" asked Eloise as she put a hand at the small of his back. He scurried away from her but was stopped by a box of old records. He looked at her and for a brief moment he saw his mother's pale face looking back at him.

"Messenger sad." said Messenger quietly holding himself tight. Eloise knelt down to his level and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Why are you sad, Messenger?" said Eloise as she wiped the snot from Messenger's crooked nose. Messenger just sat there silently and passively like he did whenever someone used him. He didn't mind being used and he started to miss his old life.

"Messenger miss it." said Messenger quietly as he buried his face in his knees. She put a reassuring hand on his back and let a few tears escape her eyes and ruin her makeup.

"Your old life?" asked Eloise as she put her hand on Messenger's arms. Messenger nodded and buried his face in her chest and started to cry. They stayed like that for good long while until the phone rang.

"It's for Messenger!" said Carolina loudly. Messenger and Eloise exchanged a look before Eloise helped him get up the stairs. Messenger took the cordless phone in his hand and Eloise showed him which end to talk into.

"Messenger? You there?" asked Headbanger frantically from the other end of the phone. Messenger looked beyond happy that she had decided to call him.

"What you want tell Messenger?" asked Messenger as he noticed her frantic tone of voice. He began to feel afraid for her and he crossed his fingers to hope that she was alright.

"I-I-I'm having the baby! I'll call you back after it's born but now I've got to go!" shouted Headbanger as she hung up the phone. She had gone into labor shortly after Roach left and she was afraid because the baby was coming early. Messenger listened to the dial tone for a moment before he fainted.

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Hope you all like this! Please review or I'm not continuing.


	32. Things gained, things lost, things done

Disclaimer: Wes Craven owns PUTS not me. My dear sister has unfortunately been struck ill and as her feverish wish I will continue this fic! I will avenge her! Tilden in the hizz-ous!

Alice went home still thinking of Roach. She smiled as she rode home in Debbie's car. She couldn't stop imagining Roach naked and touching her. She rubbed the material of the seat as she imagined touching him. Debbie didn't ask what was going on with her, she didn't care. Well, she cared but she didn't want to care. She wanted things to go back to the way that they were before Alice came back home. Alice was oblivious to her sister's growing resentment toward her, all she could focus on was the love that she and Roach had. She began to rub her thighs together as she imagined Roach stripping for her once again.

"End of the line Alice in Wonderland." said Debbie aloofly as she parked in her driveway. Debbie knew that she had no right to be jealous of her sister who had been to hell and back but she didn't care at the moment. She had been nice like the rest of her family but the novelty of having a little sister was wearing thin. Alice didn't notice the aloofness in her sister's tone as she skipped to the front door. She smiled until her father opened the door looking very worried.

"H-Hey girls, why don't you two wait out here while your mother...unwinds?" pleaded Ronald as Mary-Ann danced around in front of the window with a lampshade on her head. Alice looked at her father and then Debbie for a long time. They both looked like this had happened often and they were tired of it.

"Whatever dad. Oh, and if, like, a murderer with and hockey mask comes and kills us it'll , like, totally, be your fault." said Debbie who wanted to go to her room and wallow in her jealousy. This gave the phrase 'be careful what you wish for' real meaning to her. She wanted things to go back to the way that they were before and now her mother was hitting the sauce again.

"I'll be right back!" said Ronald as he ran into the house to stop Mary-Ann from taking her shirt off to flash the neighbors. Debbie rolled her eyes and sat down on the front steps. Alice sat down next to her still happy about what transpired between her and Roach. She was even forgetting what she had to do to Fool earlier that day.

"So, what's up?" said Debbie making small conversation just to have something to do.

"N-Nothing!" said Alice quickly. She wanted to keep what she and Roach did a secret. Debbie cocked an eyebrow and Alice turned away from her.

"Nothing or something?" said Debbie slyly. Alice was beginning to feel nervous and play with the hem of her flannel shirt. Debbie smirked.

"Nothing." said Alice looking down at her gel sandals, one of the few articles of clothing that she was wearing that was actually hers. She blushed as she remembered that reason that she was even in his clothes in the first place.

"Really? You're usually talking my ear off by now." asked Debbie crossing her legs as she sat on the porch. She was going to get an answer out of her sister one way or another. She was curious but she also wanted to know that she had something in common with her little sister.

"Really Debbie, nothing's up." said Alice sitting as best as she could on the porch. She sat with her legs close together because she usually wore a skirt which restricted her leg movement. Debbie rolled her eyes, she knew for a fact that something was definitely up with her. Inside the house cursing could be heard as Mary-Ann went further and further off the wagon. Debbie muttered 'here we go again' under her breath.

"It sounds almost like you're hiding something." said Debbie who was now using the conversation as a way to ignore her mother's drunken state. Mary-Ann hadn't gotten drunk in months but now there were new non work related stresses in her life. She wasn't a violent drunk, she more of a put-a-lampshade-on-your-head-and-dance drunk. Alice knew that her mother was drunk, Daddy often got drunk and took his hangover out of someone and she hoped that her mother wasn't going to take her hangover out on her. She was beginning to feel like she wasn't going to get beaten and that made her happy.

"H-Hiding something?" said Alice getting nervous. She began to bite her nails and didn't stop even when she remembered having Mommy cut the tips of her fingers, pull the nail halfway up, and stick her hands in rubbing alcohol. She buried her fear deep inside a pit in her mind. She had a taste of being a bad girl and she liked it.

"Something about that David guy?" said Debbie who assumed that it was either him or her other friend who's name escaped her. She now wanted to know what her seemingly perfect sister was up to with a guy who's building wasn't exactly up to code. Alice was beginning to feel scared as Debbie got closer and closer to the truth. She wanted it to stay private and that meant that not even her sister could know about how bad she had been. She had been as bad as she could be and she loved it.

"H-Hiding something about Roach?" said Alice innocently like she didn't know what Debbie was talking about. She had a lot of practice being the innocent one and in that moment she was happy for it. Almost happy anyway.

"And why you've been looking so happy lately." said Debbie nonchalantly like she didn't care. She bit her lower lip as Mary-Ann began to sing Madonna songs off key. Alice looked at Debbie worriedly, her mother had never acted like that before and neither had Mommy or Daddy when they were drunk.

"H-Happy? I-I guess I'm j-j-just h-h-happy to-today." said Alice her stutter growing more and more pronounced as he nervousness grew. No matter how jealous Debbie had been she still felt a pang of sorrow as she watched her sister struggle to form words. She still needed the conversation to go on though because it was her way of coping whenever her mother got like that from non work related stress.

"Sure you are Al, sure you are. So, any reason that you're dressed like that?" said Debbie motioning to her odd attire. Alice self consciously brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped the flannel shirt around herself like a cloak. She subtly took in his scent and Debbie thankfully didn't notice.

"W-W-What do you mean? Dress-Dressed li-like what?" said Alice playing dumb like she had been doing all her life. If this had been Mommy the fists would have started to fly or she would have been told good girl. She waited for something like that to happen as some rock music began to blare from inside of the house but Debbie was thinking of ways to get an answer out of Alice. She settled on playing her little avoidance game.

"In guy's clothes, Allie. I've never ever seen you in pants. Actually, this grungy Generation-X type thing would work better if you styled your hair better." said Debbie teasing her hair a bit. It was a bit strange to see her sister who normally dressed like a little kid dressed like a Gen-Xer. She gave her the compliment mostly to make her feel better and it did. Alice liked getting compliments from her older sister who she idolized just a tiny bit.

"Generation X?" asked Alice quietly sitting back to normal. She was feeling a bit embarrassed for herself because of the conversation and the fact that she wasn't all too familiar with the terms that her sister used. Debbie thought that it was cute, like she just popped out of an egg.

"It's kinda new to the whole clique scene but they're pretty much sloppy and they don't care either way. So, what's with the new threads?" said Debbie with a look of disgust on her face. Alice then decided to change her clothes.

"N-n-no reason." said Alice twisting a bit of her hair between her fingers with nervousness. Debbie took Alice's and in hers and decided to joke around a bit. Alice liked the contact that she was getting and she gave Debbie's hand a light squeeze. Debbie squeezed back and smiled at Alice and Alice smiled back. She didn't feel very jealous right then and Alice didn't feel as afraid.

"You gonna cross dress now? Do they even have girl to guy drag shows?" said Debbie joking. Alice could tell it was a joke and smiled her soft, door mouse smile.

"Drag shows?" said Alice her brow wrinkled in confusion. That was a word that she had heard before on the TV but she didn't know what it was. Debbie laughed a bit at her sister's innocence and Alice looked down. She hated getting laughed at. Inside the house it seemed to be calming down

"That's what they call when a guy dresses up like a chick and you know, does a dirty show." said Debbie. Alice nodded and wasn't all too confused as to why a boy would want to wear a dress, boy's clothes were uncomfortable to her and she wanted to get changed into one of her dresses as soon as possible.

"Dirty show?" said Alice who knew of two definitions of the word dirty. Debbie was once again getting annoyed with Alice's questions that a normal fourteen year old girl would know the answer too. Debbie then remembered that Alice wasn't a normal fourteen year old girl but she was still annoying to her.

"Like you know, a stripper, a lap dancer, or a go-go dancer." said Debbie as she remembered all the things that she had been expected to become by her peers. Alice then got a bit afraid. She knew what she and Roach did wasn't what good little boys and girls did but she didn't think that it was anything dirty.

"Stripping is dirty?" asked Alice timidly. This made Debbie's eyes widen. She knew that something had transpired between her sister and a guy but she never imagined something like her stripping for a guy. She was just to modest for things like that.

"Well, yeah if you do it for a living in a rat trap club like a skank." said Debbie who didn't want to further scar her sister from sex. Alice looked a bit relieved but not by much. She still felt worried that she had done something not only unchildish but dirty as well. She didn't want to think of the most intimate thing to ever happen to her to be dirty.

"But not for a friend?" said Alice almost begging Debbie to agree with her. She didn't want what happened between the two of them to be tainted like that. Debbie decided to agree with her because she could see the distress in her sister's eyes and demeanor and that also confirmed her suspicions about Alice stripping for Roach. Little did she know that it was in fact the other way around.

"Well, not for random guys, even I have my limits." said Debbie who didn't really care for the reputation she had earned. She only went to those guys for the attention that she wasn't getting at home.

"But for a friend it's OK, right?"

"If you like him, Allie. Why do you askin' me this anyway?"

"N-N-No reason."

"You can tell me, I won't tell anybody else." said Debbie crossing her fingers behind her back. She couldn't keep a secret for the life of her. Alice didn't notice but she still didn't want to tell Debbie. She shook her head 'no' and then rested her head against the railing and imagined Roach's hands all over her. That was all the confirmation that Debbie needed. She watched her sister fall into an erotic fantasy by the looks of the way that she was rubbing her thighs together. Debbie took that as the end of their little conversation ad decided to let Alice have her fantasies.

"Debbie?" asked Alice quietly as she returned to reality. She was worried once again she she felt the newly acquired meat on her bones and stomach. She was convinced that she was pregnant with either Roach or Fool's child. She hoped that Debbie had some idea of what she could do about it because she was at a loss. She was worried but she was also amazed that she had the power to bring a new life into the world.

"Yeah?" asked Debbie as she listen to her father try and coax her mother to the bedroom so she could sleep her buzz off. She looked over at Alice and wished that she had her innocence and childlike wonder. Alice played with the crease in her pants for a moment and Debbie crossed her arms impatiently. Alice took in a deep breath and decided to tell her and ask for her advice.

"I-I-I-" stuttered Alice looking at the lightning bugs flying around her parched yard. Debbie was quickly getting annoyed by Alice's stutter. Debbie's impatience was making it all the more difficult for her to tell Debbie what was on her mind.

"Spit it out!" said Debbie feeling stressed about what was going on with her mother. She almost regretted the harshness of her voice, almost. Alice shrunk into herself and that made Debbie feel guilty. Debbie rolled her eyes, the innocent child routine was beginning to get to her.

"I-I-I'm pregnant!" said Alice loudly gaining the attention of the old woman across the hedge. Debbie sighed and then decided that it might be time to own up to the lies that she told. Alice felt like a great burden had been lifted from her shoulders and it made her forget how worried she was but not for very long.

"Allie, you-you're...uh...congratulations!" said Debbie keeping the act up. Alice looked up at Debbie confused as to why she was being congratulated for something that according to every talk show she had ever seen wasn't supposed to happen to someone her age. The look on Alice's face made Debbie want to confess to the lie but she thought against it when she realized the hilarity that would ensue when her parents found out.

"For what, Debbie? I thought that I was too young to have a baby? All the girls on talk show that were my age were too young to have babies? Why is it OK for me but not for them?" asked Alice who was thoroughly confused. This question caught Debbie off guard, she wasn't expecting that but it made sense because TV was Alice's biggest window to the world.

"It's not OK but...I'm happy to be an aunt. But you should wait to tell mom and dad until I can tape it....I mean until they calm down!" said Debbie catching her error. Alice looked at her for a long time before shaking her head deciding that she imagined the part about Debbie taping it.

"What do I do? I'm so confused!" said Alice crying a bit from frustration. Debbie decided to think up a plan and to think it up quick. She needed to get her hands on the video camera and record her parent's reactions when they figured out that their perfect little girl was carrying a bastard child of a fifteen year old mute with some cool scars.

"First you tell him and then you tell mom and dad. Do it in that order because if you don't all hell is gonna break loose." said Debbie in her best serious voice. Alice nodded and felt her stomach. It didn't occur to her that she was gaining weight from the food she was being fed and the amount of food she was being fed. Their father came out a minute later and they ate their meal minus their mother who was passed out on her bed. The meal went by silently and Ronald didn't question his daughter's new outfit because he didn't want to stifle her like the Robeson's did. That night she went to bed dreaming that she and Roach got married and started a little family. It was a very good dream.

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Roach woke up that morning to the sound of silence broken only by the sizzling of bacon. He began to wonder where his siblings were for a moment but then he remembered that they were at their grandparent's house and he smiled at the thought of having the house and his parents to himself. He got dressed and just as he was about to leave his room he saw Alice's clothes in the corner and stuffed them underneath his bed. He blushed as he saw the pair of boxers that he was wearing the previous day half under his bed and he tossed them in the dirty laundry. He slid down the banister because he was so happy about his and Alice's relationship and he smiled his big toothy grin as he took his place at the table. Next to him was his father who was reading the paper. David Sr. took one look at Roach and then buried his head in the sports section. Amanda had told him that one of them was going to have to explain about condoms to him because of what they suspected that he and Alice did.

"Morin' son, sleep good?" said David Sr. through the newspaper finally finding his voice. Roach smiled and nodded and David Sr. looked up from his paper and nodded back at his son. He knew that it was going to be his responsibility to teach his son the finer points of contraception because they were both male. Roach could sense that their was something making his parents antsy but he didn't quite know what. A plate of bacon and eggs in a happy face was served to him and he began to eat in that sloppy way of his. Amanda and David Sr. exchanged awkward glances before chowing down on their breakfast as well. The silence was awkward so David Sr. broke it by turning the kitchen radio on to the news.

_'This just in: baby born to Robeson prisoner!' _came the headline. Roach instantly stopped eating and turned the radio up even higher. He knew who this was that gave birth to the baby, it was Headbanger. He listened and nobody dared make a sound. She had names the baby Miracle Fool Messenger Roach Robeson. Roach felt honored that she had named her baby after him and he was going to have to tell Fool about how the baby was also named after him. The baby was born underweight and that worried Roach because he remembered that babies had to be a certain weight to survive as well as being in the womb for a certain amount of time. He listened even when the radio personalities went on about the ethics of letting her keep the baby and he felt a twinge of fear that the child would be taken away to one of those foster home things he had heard about. He turned off the radio when they went to another piece of news and he went back to eating.

"You know this Anita person?" asked David Sr. curious about his son's behavior. Amanda blushed as she remembered what she had seen transpire with her son and a pregnant woman the previous day.

_'She's called Headbanger and she's my friend.' _said Roach eating his food quickly. He wanted to get Headbanger something for her baby, maybe an outfit or a toy. He was going to look in his attic for some of the old baby stuff that was kept up there.

"Headbanger? That's her name, Headbanger?" asked David Sr. cocking an eyebrow. He wondered if all of the people from the Robeson house had strange names because his son was called Roach and he often spoke of a person called Messenger. Amanda ate her food and hoped to God that her husband didn't ask if the child was his. She didn't know how she could deal with the answer.

"Yeah." said Roach buttering his bacon and then wrapping the bacon in his sausage. Both his parents made a face but said nothing, he could stand to gain some weight. They ate in an unfamiliar silence broken only by the clanking of spoons on plates. Both his parents were thinking the same thought but they didn't know how to ask something like that. They often asked him about intimacy mainly because they were afraid of him and some girl most likely Alice ending up like them. Roach was oblivious to this though a she took more food, his mother was used to cooking for seven people not three.

"Is it yours?" said David Sr. put of the blue. Amanda gave him a stern look and Roach gave him a shocked and confused look. David Sr. didn't know why he suddenly asked that and Roach didn't know what to say. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine anyone mistaking Headbanger's baby for his flesh and blood child. They both looked right at him and he opened his mouth like he was going to say something but then started to write on his tiny notebook. The suspense was killing his parents.

_'It can't possibly be mine because me and her never did that.' _wrote Roach a bit ashamed that he had never taken her up on her offer. David Sr. looked relieved but Amanda didn't quite believe him. She had seen what happened between them so them doing that wouldn't be too far away from what she saw. She took everyone's empty plates and motioned for David Sr. to start talking to him. There was an exchange of looks and then Amanda left the room to do some laundry.

"Son, c'mere a minute." said David Sr. motioning to the chair next to him. Roach who was about to leave shrugged his shoulders and sat in Morgan's usual spot. The chair was sticky for some reason and the left leg as short. No wonder Morgan acted up so much at meals. David Sr. played with his tie for a moment before clearing his throat. Roach cocked his eyebrow as he sat there in the uncomfortable chair bored.

"You're at a certain age when whether I like it or not you'll be interested in girls." said David Sr. hating every moment that he spent having to explain the facts of life to his son. Roach looked up at his father not liking the direction that the conversation was going. He began to look for an invisible escape route and he wanted something to happen to make him have no choice but to leave.

"(Father, what are you getting at?)" asked Roach forgetting to write. He wanted to leave and go somewhere far away from the conversation he was having. David Sr. didn't notice because he was trying to find the right words. He felt the condom in his pocket and wished that Roach had been born a girl so it would be Amanda's job to explain contraception.

**'It's times like these I wish that I had all girls. Wait, then I'd have to worry about everybody else's dick. It's not easy on me either David Jr. but when you have a son you'll be in the same boat I am.' **thought David Sr. as he looked at his son who looked like he wanted to melt into the floor.

"And well...you'll probably want to be...intimate with them." said David Sr. slowly but cutting to the chase so that he could get out of there faster. Roach felt like he was going to die of embarrassment as he remembered what happened between him and Alice the previous day.

"See son now I'm going to tell you about the facts of life, then some good advice, then I'll tell you something embarrassing that'll make you cringe and run out of the room dieing of embarrassment." said David Sr. deciding to do for Roach what his father had done for him but he'd explain contraception because his father didn't until Donna was born. Roach's eyes began to shift as he prepared to go to his mental happy place.

"This is a condom, you can figure it out for yourself." said David Sr. putting the condom on the table in front of Roach. Roach looked at it confused and that told David Sr. that he needed to explain that too. Roach had only heard that word but he had no idea what it was but he knew very well what it was for.

"You wear this and unless you're really ruff and it breaks you won't get a kid. Believe me though, these things will break. Oh, and don't wear two because then they'll break even easier and you'll get kids before you even graduate high school." said David Sr. roach took it and put it in his pocket, he was both excited and afraid that he'd be needing it soon. David Sr. looked at his son for along time hoping to see the five year old that thought that girls were the scourge of the Earth. He didn't see that little boy. He saw a near man ready to start and intimate relationship with a girl he had known for most of his life.

"When you do do it though, remember to be gentle and don't force or rush her into it and if you already did it get her a pregnancy test and see if she's on the pill." said David Sr. giving him some good advice. Roach took his father's advice to heart and sat there awkwardly wanting to be anywhere but there. Little did they know that Amanda had her ear pressed to the door and was mentally cheering because of how fatherly her husband sounded. He actually sounded like a thirty year old man and she assumed that her son looked and sounded fifteen.

"And remember this: most zones for woman can be erogenous if you try hard enough. Oh, and if the right situations your right hand can become her best friend too. See, that was the embarrassing part." said David Sr. telling him things that he had picked up in his youth. Roach looked at his father with wide eyes and an upset stomach. He didn't want to think of how his father knew that but it was good bedroom advice. He needed bedroom advice but not from his father.

"Well, I think you've earned this." said David Sr. taking a beer for Roach out of the fridge. Roach looked like a kid in a candy store. Amanda wanted to know what was going on and she decided to ask as soon as Roach left the room. Roach left when David Sr. whispered for him to take it to his room because he knew that Amanda would be listening. He knew that she wouldn't react well to learning that he gave their son alcohol. When Roach left Amanda entered the room but said nothing, it was very awkward for them too. Besides, they would get plenty of time to talk later that night.

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Fool was beginning to forget about how he felt about Alice. He thought that it was just a case of puppy love but he still had feelings for her. He was beginning to get feelings for Trysta as well and he thought that was a sign of him getting over her and it made him happy. He was currently sitting in her grandparent's guest room on her bed discussing the finer points of video games and tarot card reading. Trysta liked him almost as much as she liked Roach. She now considered herself to be Fool's girlfriend because they kissed and she assumed that boyfriends and girlfriends spent time talking in each other's rooms because when Donna had a boyfriend they spent a lot of time in her room and they made a lot of noise so she assumed that they were having a lot of fun. It didn't occur to her that because Fool was older he might have been looking for something more from the physical side of their relationship besides kissing and hand holding.

"See, this card is for prosperity. You're drawing a lot of those today, maybe you'll find money on the ground or something." said Trysta as they sat on one of the guest beds in her grandparent's house. They didn't know that Fool was there because Morgan had gotten himself stuck in the large oak tree in the lush backyard.

"My mama got a new job, maybe that's what it's about." said Fool as he watched Trysta arrange the cards on her bed. He already knew all of the cards thanks to Ruby but he liked having her explain so that he could hear her high pitched voice. The more he looked at her the younger she looked and acted to him. He thought that she may have lied about her age but he tried not to think about it because than he would consider their relationship to be him robbing the cradle.

"That's nice Fool. Hey, can I ask you something?" asked Trysta as she laced her fingers with his. He kissed her hand and she giggled. She could tell why Donna liked boys now, Fool wad wonderful to her. He listened to her, didn't react badly to when she kissed him even though she wasn't a good kisser, and he didn't call her weird like so many other people did when she vocalized her belief in the supernatural.

"What?" asked Fool resting his head on her shoulder. She ran a hand through his hair which felt like wool to her. He liked her and he knew it but he was going to take it slow so that he didn't make the same mistake with her as he did with Alice.

"Why are you called Fool anyway?" asked Trysta. She had been wondering that since she first herd him being called that. Fool took in a deep breath having told the story of his odd name many times. He wondered why his mother didn't just name his Dexter or why he even answered to the name Fool.

"My real name is Poindexter." said Fool waiting for her reaction. She laughed a bit as she assumed that he was kidding. She stopped when she realized that he wasn't laughing as well.

"Poindexter?" asked Trysta in disbelief. It wasn't that far fetched, it was the nineties after all and if the revolutions in technology during her childhood had told her anything it was that anything was possible. Fool was getting sick of giving this explanation but he did because he was having feelings for her and her for him.

"Everyone calls me Fool because of this card that Ruby has. I drew it when I was a little kid and it stuck with me." said Fool. Trysta laughed at the story a bit, that was how she got into tarot cards when she was young. She found a shoe box full of tarot cards and she fell in love with them. Fool knew that she was laughing with him and not at him.

"Seriously?" asked Trysta who was having a bit of difficulty believing that story. She imagined that he had done something stupid to earn that name like her brother had earned the name Roach out of degradation. Fool rolled his eyes at her obvious question.

"No, I got that name when I got a sex change. They all told me that I was a fool for becoming a guy and it stuck." said Fool sarcastically. Trysta laughed again and Fool was amazed by how easy it was to get her to laugh. She laughed like a ten ear old when he thought about it.

"No, the first thing was right. Hey, can I ask you somethin'?" said Foll sitting up and leaning against the wall. Trysta followed his lead and sat with her back to the wall. Outside the panicked shouts could be heard as Morgan climbed higher and higher into the tree in the hopes of making the six o'clock news. Trysta knew what he was going to ask her, it was about her name. People always asked about her unusual name.

"Sure, Fool. What is it?"

"What's with the name Trysta anyway?No offense but it's kinda weird. Is there like a story behind that or something?" said Fool as he closed the window to drown out the cries for Donna from the grandparents. Trysta was about to tell him to open the window because of the heat but she thought against it because she didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

"It's actually Trystal if you must know." said Trysta a bit sourly. She hated her name with a vengeance and she was planning on getting it changed as soon as she turned eighteen. She couldn't get it changed as a child because her parents were far too busy.

"Trystal?" asked Fool. It wasn't the strangest name that he had ever heard but it was still pretty strange. Trysta gave him a sour look that made her look younger than she was pretending to be. She quickly aged it up to keep up her act.

"They misspelled Crystal on my birth certificate. It could be worse though, I could be Dot." said Trysta as she gave Fool a light kiss on the lips like a woman she had seen do in a movie. Fool looked at her nervously and he played with her braid a bit. He was still gonna take it slow so that he could keep Trysta strange as she was.

"What's wrong with Dot?" asked Fool as he kissed Trysta again. She blushed and giggled and he was tempted to ask her if there was anybody before him because she was a very inexperienced kisser. Trysta then decided to practice on her pillow like she had seen Donna do a few years ago. She gave him an Eskimo kiss and then prepared to tell a story of her parents stupidity.

"Well, Dottie wasn't planned first of all. You see, Morgan replaced mom's birth control pills with tic-tacs but that's a story for another day. Well, when my mom got the ultrasound they thought that Dottie was a girl and they took it as a sign that they should move on from worrying about my brother so they bought her a bunch of boys clothes and decided to name her David Mathias Cullen the fifth and a half but she came out a girl so they just called out a bunch of names. Officially she's Dorothea Louisa Francesca Bianca Lonna Robesca which is weird because it was originally Rebecca at the end. That's the story of Dot's name so I hope you were listening because I'm not telling you again." said Trysta in one big breath. All Fool could utter was a small 'wow' before he went back to the physical affection with Trysta. He wanted to get under her shirt but he restrained himself. She on the other hand didn't think that he wanted anything more from her and she had no idea what that thing that was poking her in the thigh was. They were once again interrupted by even louder calls of Donna coming from the halls from Dot.

"Where's your sister, anyway?" asked Fool. He only asked because her family had been calling for her for quite a bit of time. He wondered why he didn't heard Roach calling but Trysta was keeping him pretty busy.

"She's throwing a drinking party. She's been planning this for a few months now and she's been saving up for this for years. She's planning on getting drunk off her ass." said Trysta throwing a curse word in there to make herself seem older. Fool was excited by the idea of a party, he had only drank a few times before and he liked it. He knew that Trysta wouldn't be going because she was grounded at her grandparent's house for sneaking out to the arcade.

"This is at your house, right?" asked Fool trying to sound uninterested but failing. Trysta knew that he wanted to go and that truly showed her the age gap between them. To her beer was gross but to older people it was some amazing beverage. She didn't want him to go because that would accent the age gap between them but she also wanted him to like her.

"Yeah, it starts at eight and Donna says that it goes on all night." said Trysta playing with the hem or her baggy shorts. She and Fool went back to kissing until Fool set off for his house to get ready.

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Roach's parents left him alone when they went on their once a month date/visit to the local bed&breakfast. They had planned this might including reservations before he came back to them and they weren't counting on his being home but they gave him specific instructions. If he could survive the hell of his childhood then they assumed that he could handle being home alone. Besides, if anything bad happened it would be like that movie 'Home Alone' according to David Sr. Before his parents had left David Sr. told him to remember the little talk that they had that morning. Roach had decided to invite Alice over but before he could call her Donna came home. She looked as surprised to see him as he was to see him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" yelled Donna as she came in carrying beer in both hands. She had planned the party that she was going to throw for as long as her parents planned their date night and she like them hadn't planned on Roach being there. Roach also wasn't planing on seeing Donna at home and he wanted to have a repeat of what happened between him and Alice to happen that night and maybe something more if she wanted to.

_'I live here, remember. We're brother and sister. What are you doing here? Why aren't you at the grandparent's house?' _wrote Roach who thought that he rest of his siblings were coming back soon and that the beer was for his father. Donna began to think up a lie to tell him because she was sure that he was going to fink on her.

"I-I'm uh...dropping off some beer for dad." said Donna lieing through her teeth. Roach gave her an 'OK' sign with his fingers. Just as he was begging to believe her some early birds for the party began to arrive and made some noise. The words 'drinking' 'make out' and 'party' came up quite often. Roach cocked an eyebrow. He assumed that she was going to throw a party and he prepared to go up to his room and let her have her fun.

"You can stay, just don't tell mom and dad!" pleaded Donna who thought that he was going up to his room to wait for his parents and tell them everything that she did. Roach shook his head 'no' and Donna began to panic. Roach on the other hand didn't see anything wrong with her throwing a party and he just wanted to be alone.

"It's all you can drink!" said Donna loudly as the knocking at the door grew louder. Roach took a good long look at the beer before he nodded 'yes'. Donna cheered under her breath as she opened the door. It was her attempt at being more social by leaving invites taped to everyone's locker at school. In retrospect that may not have been a good idea as she saw more and more cars fill her driveway and the surrounding streets. She hoped to God that non of the neighbors called the police. As the people began to enter the house Roach sat down on his father's chair and drank until he couldn't see straight. He blended in with the rest of the drunken teenagers stumbling through his house. Non of the neighbors were going to call the police because he was there and they didn't want him exchanging one prisoner for another. He stumbled around until he found the sink and threw up into it. Fool found Roach through the crowd when he was finished throwing up. He could tell that Roach was very very drunk and he helped Roach to his feet. Fool knew that coming to the party was a bad idea. It was crowded, rowdy, and loud in the house. There were over a hundred people that had actually showed up and they were all too drunk to even stand up. Lots of them had brought their own alcohol and it proved to be a bad idea. Fool tried to talk to Roach but Roach was even more unintelligible due to his drunken state. Fool helped Roach get up to his room after kicking a couple that was in the middle of rounding second base. Fool took Roach to his bed and Roach began to laugh at nothing at all. Fool saw some beer and decided to take a little sip. That sip turned into a gulp which turned into several gulps until Fool was also drunk. Roach rolled over and fell onto Fool's lap.

"H-h-h-hey Roach, get off!" slurred Fool as he looked down at the older boy. Roach suddenly looked attractive to him and Fool looked attractive to Roach. It didn't sicken either of them because they were as drunk as someone could get without getting alcohol poising.

"(Make me!)" said Roach kissing his stomach. He was begging to see Alice instead of Fool. He had never been that drunk in his life and he loved it. He felt better than he had ever felt before. He began to plant a trail of kisses along Fool's stomach but Fool's shirt got in the way so he took it off of him.

"H-he-hey, that's not fair! C'mon Roach, knock it off!" said Fool as Roach began to kiss and suck at Fool's neck leaving a few hickeys. Fool wasn't gay but he found what Roach was doing very enjoyable.

"(Shh, this'll feel good. Trust me.)" said Roach as he unzipped Fool's pants. What happened next was something that was going to scar both of them for life. Fool never imagined that someone without a tongue could go down on him so well. It was more of how Roach moved his mouth than how he moved his tongue stump but either way it made Fool cum right into his throat. Roach then kissed Fool as deeply as he could and Fool gagged as he tasted his own cum. They then made their way to Fool's bed for a long night of love making. Roach and Fool were drunk as they could get without succumbing to alcohol poisoning but Roach was coherent enough to make sure that he was on top.

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Headbanger sat in her hospital room holding her baby in her arms. This was something that she was in labor for eighteen hours for and this was her pride and joy. She loved Miracle more than life it's self but there was a problem. Well, there were several problems starting with what was to become of her child because the police said that if she couldn't prove that she was a good mother Miracle would be taken away. There was another problem as well; Miracle had a blood test done to see who her father was and she didn't look like Boss. She looked more like Messenger.

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Boss paced around his padded room. He always paced but now he was pacing for a reason. He had gotten the news that Headbanger had given birth to a child that may have been his and he didn't know how to feel. He used to have advisers for things like this but they were all separated. He saw this as their society disintegrating and it scared him. He needed the under the stairs society because it was all he had left. He still didn't real freedom, he didn't have pleasant dreams, and he certainly didn't even have his eyes. He wished that he was back in the cellar where he had all the power and everything made complete sense. He stopped his pacing as his therapist, Roberta came to see him.

"Hello Frederick." said Roberta trying to sound pleasant. She repeated herself when Boss didn't respond. Boss would only respond to Boss because he was the boss and his name had to reflect that. He was the leader, the ruler, and the king and he loved it. He loved it almost as much as he loved Headbanger, not that he'd ever tell her that.

"My name is Boss Roberta, you know that." said Boss attempting to be civil to the outsider he now called friend. He was abusive to her at first but now he considered her an near equal. He hated the rest of the people who took care of him though, they used him like he was a common whore buy fuck toy.

"But Frederick is your name too, right?" said Roberta attempting to reason with him but Boss wouldn't ever be challenged or reasoned with. He wouldn't stand for his absolute power to be challenged. If he said day was night and night was day it was true. If he said that two and two made wasabi sauce than it was true. If he said that he was second only to God it was true.

"I don't answer to it!" yelled Boss throwing a little fit. He looked like a child not that he knew that. He demanded a certain amount of respect . This outburst scared Roberta a bit but she showed no fear around a person from under the stairs because they were all dangerous.

"Alright, Boss then." said Roberta folding. Boss smirked to himself before sitting down on the floor as he was accustomed to. They sat in silence for a few moments before Boss spoke again.

"That's better." said Boss in a condescending tone like he was talking to a child. He took that as a show of submission and he loved it.

"Why do you talk to people like that, Boss?"

"Because I have absolute power."

"Like God?"

"Like a king because that's what I am, the king of the people under the stairs."

"I know that you're their leader Boss but you define yourself by this."

"What else should I define myself by? Fist I was a good boy, then I was a bad boy who saw evil, then I was a fuck toy, then I became leader, and now I'm an outsider."

"We define ourselves by our actions on the outside as you call it."

"And the actions of your children?"

"More or less. Our children dictate if we're doing a good job or not as people."

"That's stupid."

"Why is it stupid?"

"Because you should define yourself by your rank."

"There are no ranks like under the stairs out here."

"That's also stupid."

"Well then Boss, I'm going to need to test your blood."

"For what?"

"We're going to see if you're the father of this child."

"Don't waste your time, I know I am." said Boss referring to a feeling he had deep in the pit of his stomach.

"How do you know?"

"I just do, I have a feeling. It's something like a premonition.

"Premonition or not a blood test still needs to be done."

"Fine." and with that Boss's blood finally got drawn

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Messenger sat on his bed praying as best as he could when he heard the news. He went over every prayer he had ever heard as he prayed for the new child that shared his mother's name as well as his. There was no rank behind her name because people on the outside were not ranked like the people under the stairs were. He prayed for her well being as well as for her not to be his because he didn't want that child to have to live out his life in his rank. He fell asleep that night dreaming of the child and the life it would lead on the outside. He wanted to be the child's father, he wished he were her father because the idea of fatherhood stirred something deep within him. He wanted a little piece of himself to love in a non sexual way. He even prayed that it was his when he woke up the next morning. Little did he know that his prayer would come true.

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Boss needed another segment, that's all I'm gonna say. Should I make Roach and Fool a couple after this or show I have I be awkward? Obey the hipno-toad and review!


	33. The truth shall set you free

Disclaimer: See previous chapter. I'd like to tell all five of my readers that Tilden is no longer going to be writing for this story. Her ideas aren't exactly what I was going for. Now, onto the fic!

**'My damn head! What the fuck did I do last night? Where the hell am I? I'm still at Roach's house, right? This is the first and last time I'm ever gonna drink. Scratch that, I'm never gonna drink again! Why does that light gotta be so god damn bright?! I'm hungover. I'm hung fuckin' over. This is just great!' **thought Fool as he buried his head in the blanket to keep out of the blinding light. He was hungover. He tried to open his eyes but the glare from the sun was unbearable. He knew that he had been drinking last night so he assumed that he was hung over, not that he ever had been before. He decided to sleep it off and turned onto his side away from the window and into something hard, warm, sticky, and sweaty. He rubbed his eyes and then he buried his head in what he thought to be his pillow. He sat up quickly when he came to a horrible realization.

**'What the fuckin' hell?! Oh my God, I didn't- did I? Th-this is j-j-just my-my pillow, right? That's just stupid hung over talk! Since when has my pillow been sweaty, sticky, and breathing?!' **thought Fool as he sat straight up. He regretted doing that as a sharp pain when all throughout his body. He felt like he had been ripped in half. He assumed that he had slept with some girl after getting drunk, boy was he in for a surprise. He looked down at the blood on the previously light blue sheets in horror. He didn't want to have lost his virginity or taken some girl's in an intoxicated state. He always imagined his first time being sweet and romantic with a girl he really cared about, not some one night stand. He wanted to see what kind of girl he brought up to Roach's bedroom. Maybe if she was pretty Roach's wouldn't get to made at him for loosing his virginity on his bed? Who knew. He looked over at his bed mate in horror. He had to stuff some blanket in is mouth to keep from screaming out in pain and shock. Roach was thankfully still asleep and he muttered something about grilled cheese.

**'No! No! No! This isn't happening! This is not happening! I didn't sleep with Roach! I'm not gay! Roach didn't fuck me up the ass last night! He couldn't have! Could he?' **thought Fool as he began to panic. He spat some semen out of his mouth and realized with horror that it was Roach's seed on his tongue. Fool felt like he was going to faint from all of this but he was going to be careful not to wake Roach. It wasn't out of embarrassment but fear of what the other boy would do to him. Fool thought that Roach had forced him into it and he was half right. They were both drunk so they didn't have the best judgment at that time. Fool was hyperventilating as he realized what he and Roach had done last night.

**'I-I was on the bottom! I was the girl! Roach went inside of me like I was his ho! H-He fucked me until I bled! He popped my cherry like I was a girl! I hate him! I fucking hate him! He-He raped me! That's my blood on the sheets! My blood!' **He looked down in horror as he realized that the virgin blood on the sheets was his and that it was Roach who had made him spill that blood. He wondered if Roach had raped him or if he had gone willingly to Roach's bed. That thought made him sick. He wasn't gay, he was sure of that.

**'I-I not gay. I'M NOT GAY! I can't be! I like girls! I make out with girls! I think about girls when I jack off! I'm not a fag, I'm not! I-I gotta get out of here!' **thought Fool who now felt the need to prove his manhood. He looked over at Roach's sleeping form and he felt like taking Roach right there just to be dominant. He was sure that he wasn't gay but part of him was actually excited as he looked at the other boy's naked body. He knew that he was disgusted at the thought of being gay but it also intrigued him. He found Roach strangely attractive at that moment and it made the bile rise to the top of his throat. He didn't have a crush on Roach, he was almost completely sure of that. He did enjoy the accidental kiss he shared with Roach all those weeks ago but that didn't mean anything. Did it? *-+

**'Why? Why?! Why did this have to happen! I didn't come here for this! I-I-I've gotta go home! I gotta get out of here! Maybe if I pretend that this didn't happen I can get on with my life. I wish that I never met him or Alice!' **Fool cried silently as he grabbed some of the clothes on the floor not caring if they were his. He bit his lower lip as he used one of the clothes that Roach had on the floor to wipe the blood and semen from his nether regions ignoring the pain in his backside as he bent over to get all of the disgusting mixture from himself. He did that all before he left he spat on Roach's head and cursed at him for what had happened. He convinced himself that it was rape because the thought that he had gone to Roach's bed willingly was impossible to him. He needed to believe that because It was the most bearable reason. He felt bad about thinking that his friend had raped him because something inside of him told him that he was wrong. He then went home as fast as he could, crying the entire way earning himself some stares along the way. Roach slept through Fool's entire ordeal oblivious to what he and Fool had done the previous night.

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Roach on the other hand had no idea of what happened between him and Fool. All he knew was that he was naked, hung over, and sticky. He was very, very sticky, especially between his legs.

**'What the hell did I do last night? Why am I so sticky? Why the fucking hell am I naked? Did I go to sleep naked? Am I naked drunk? Is there even such a thing as a naked drunk? I know that you can be an angry drunk but a naked drunk? Well, I guess it's not that important. What's that smell? It almost smells like-no! I couldn't have! Could I? Why are my sheets sticking to me?' **thought Roach as he fully woke up from his deep, alcohol induced, slumber. He was confused by the fact that his sheets were somehow stuck to his legs and he looked down and saw the mess on the sheets and blanket. It looked vaguely like shame and tie-dye.

**'Why hell is there blood and cum on my sheets?! OK, I've just got to calm down. Calmness is key. I've got to be careful not to loose my head and jump to conclusions. OK, I must have hurt myself in my sleep again. Wait, there's never been this much blood before but it's still possible. I must have, what did my father call it again? I must have wet dreamed! Yeah, that makes sense! But there's never been this much cum before and it never smelled this much like sex before but it's the only explanation I can think of. Unless I-no! I didn't do it with some girl I don't remember! I have to save it for Alice like I hope she's saving it for me.' ** thought Roach as he inspected himself. He needed to assume that he had wet dreamed and hurt himself in his sleep as he often did because the truth would have been too much for him to bare. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what he did last night. He could only remember some sort of rhythmic pounding and a very tight space. He looked down and realized that he was naked but he refused to believe that he had had sex. He wanted to still be a virgin for Alice. She was the only person he wanted to give his virginity to because he wanted something to give to her in exchange for her virginity. He knew that it was going to happen soon because lately they had been getting more and more intimate with each other. He made himself believe that. He looked around for his bathrobe and he decided to go and take a nice, cold shower to clean himself off. He shielded his eyes from the light almost tripping over beer bottles and beer cans as he made his way to the now cluttered bathroom. Beer bottles and cans had invaded almost every room of the house and Roach could tell that it wasn't going to be an easy clean up.

**'That must have been some party last night. I'll have to have Donna fill me in on the details when she sobers up. Hey, it was my first real party. It wasn't a little kid party, it was a real party with drinking and from what I can remember kissing and sex. Mother and father aren't going to be happy when they find out about this. I hope that they don't punish me but I hope that Donna doesn't get punished either.' **thought Roach as he walked down the hallway which was filled with the remnants of the party. When Donna threw a party, she really threw a party. He could hear her cleaning up downstairs and he decided to bathe quickly so that he could help her get everything clean before their parents got home.He glanced at a watch that someone had left on his floor in a heap next to a pair of boxers and a leather jacket. It read nine thirty in the morning. He covered his ears in pain as he heard Donna clanging the bottles together in a garbage bag as she cleaned them up before their parents got back from their romantic night out. Roach took a shower in ice cold water while in complete hell from the noise.

**'Oh God! This is worse than a migraine! My fucking head is killing me! Forget helping Donna, I gotta get back to normal first. I wonder if we have any medicine for this.' ** thought Roach as he shower quickly. As he rummaged through the medicine cabinet he remembered something warm and sticky running down his throat. He took the tub of hair gel that was on the sink and he hit himself on the head with it hard enough to leave a bruise. He needed to punish his thoughts for making him think those things. When he was satisfied with the pain he had inflicted upon himself he poured himself some Tylenol. He wanted to hide under the blankets until his hangover wore off but Donna who had noticed the shower running told him to help.

"David! You better help me or I'm telling mom and dad you drank! I'll tell them! You better believe it!" said Donna who didn't count on the time it would take to clean the house up. She was hungover, tired, and worried. She was both worried about her parents finding out about the party that she had thrown and she had also had unprotected sex during the party while she was drunk.

"(Alright! Alright! Sheesh!)" said Roach as he grabbed a trash bag and began to clean up the house. It was going to be a big but necessary job. After he finished helping he was planning on sleeping his hangover off and piece together the events of the party. He helped her and had a few more memory snippets of the previous night. He remembered falling off of his bed and onto something, something soft and important. He couldn't piece together what had happened completely, it was like their was a brick wall blocking the memories of the previous night from his mind. In a way it was better that he didn't know how he ravished Fool the previous night. How he took the other boy to heaven and back and then to hell but left him there to suffer. He remembered that Fool was there and there was something important about him falling and Fool. Maybe he fell onto Fool and hurt him? Maybe.

"So, you get laid last night too?" asked Donna as she hurried to clean up the remnants of the party. Roach didn't have his tiny notebook with him so he just nodded 'no'. He hoped to God that he hadn't done anything like that last night. Donna had a hard time believing that because when he was all over one of her friends when he was drunk. It was around that time that things got fuzzy for her. She hoped that he didn't sleep with one of her friends, that would have made things very awkward for every, particularly her.

"You sure David? You were pretty drunk last night." said Donna as she got a new garbage bag. Pretty drunk was the understatement of the century. He couldn't even stand up straight and he was throwing up at random. She knew that one of her friends recorded it and she was planning on using the tape against him or if she ever had to do an intervention. Roach wanted to ask her how drunk he had been but then he realized that it must have been pretty bad because he had a complete black out. They eventually got the house cleaned up and Roach curled up under his bed. He had the most bizarre dream ever as he napped.

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_He was on his bed and Fool was on the floor The room was fuzzy and glowed a toxic green. The room was spinning and his head was swimming when he tried to get up from the bed. _

"_Roach? You OK?" asked Fool his voice slightly distorted. Roach smiled and made an 'OK' sign with his fingers before he really saw Fool. Suddenly the other boy looked so very attractive to him, almost as attractive as Alice. He went over to him and fell off the bed and onto Fool's lap. _

"_Hey! Roach! Get off!" said Fool as he tried to push the older boy off of hi. Roach giggled and kissed Fool's stomach. Fool told him to stop but it was getting more and more half hearted as Roach kissed every inch of his chest and took his shirt off. If there was one thing he learned from the people under the stairs it was how to please people. He crawled onto Fool in something resembling the missionary position and undid the other boy's pants slowly and sensually. Fool was saying something but Roach couldn't hear it. Roach tried as best as he could be everything was muted. He then couldn't stop himself as he did everything that was done to him to Fool. He dreamed that he pulled Fool onto the bed and got on top of him but at this point Fool was oddly willing as he begged for Roach to enter him. Roach then woke up tangled in his blanket._

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Roach struggled to get himself untangled from the blanket as he fell into the bloody sheet he had put on the floor. He banged his head against the wall as he cursed loudly. He couldn't believe that he had dreamed that and it made him sick. He bit his thumb hard enough to draw blood as a way of punishing himself for his dream. He felt disgusted at the thought of doing that with another boy and he felt that he needed to punish himself accordingly. After he was done inflicting pain upon himself he began to wonder why he dreamed that about him and Fool. Usually his dreams involved him and Alice and when they did it it was romantic and passionate, not like the casual feel of his dream involving Fool. Roach decided to be grateful that it was just a dream. Little did he know that it was far from the truth. He made his way downstairs to where Donna was watching TV like nothing had happened the previous night. He sat down next to her not caring what was on. He wanted to forget his dream more than anything else at the moment.

"You were hurting yourself again, weren't you?" said Donna as she saw the bite mark on his thumb and the bruises on his head. Roach's eyes widened and he shook his head 'no'. He knew that his family didn't like it when he punished himself but he had to when he was bad. Donna knew that he was lieing and she put a reassuring hand on his, she wanted to him feel better. There were times that she forgot how traumatized he was, that he wasn't a normal fifteen year old boy. He didn't flinch. He didn't return the gesture of affection but he didn't flinch either. He loved Donna but he was still angry at her for quite a few things. Loving her and liking her were two different things in his book.

"David, why the hell do you keep doing that?! You're really worrying everybody!" said Donna muting the TV and looking right at him as she spoke so that he could get the full effect of her words. Roach then felt guilty and selfish but at the same time he was a bit frustrated that Donna was getting into his business once again. He gave her a shrug not wanting to talk about it with her. She pestered him a bit more but he remained mute. She then put the sound back on the TV and sulked. She was genuinely curious as to why her brother continued to cause himself pain. She knew that he had issues but her father wasn't going to send him to a therapist. Roach was glad that she stopped pestering him and he let himself relax and watch the show. It was something else iconic of the decade he missed out on. It was depressing to him that he missed out on ninety percent of the eighties and all of his childhood but he tried not to dwell on it. He was beginning to get 'Tom and Jerry' cartoon that was made before his parents were born. This was something that he remembered and it made him happy to remember better times.

"David! We're on the front steps, the neighbors can see!" said Amanda from the other side of the door as David Sr. began to kiss her neck. He hadn't gotten to be intimate with his wife in a long time and he wanted more of her.

"Let 'em watch, maybe it'll give 'em some ideas." said David Sr. Roach and Donna could hear their parents and Donna began to crawl away before taking off running. Donna began to panic as she ran into the kitchen and then out the back door back to her grandparent's house. She had told them that she was sleeping over at a friend's house and she had to get back quickly. She had only been watching TV in an attempt to sober up. Roach on the other hand just looked at the door eavesdropping on his parent's conversation. He could tell from their voices that they were happy and he knew that they had done it last night. It made him nauseous when he thought of his parents doing what he dreamed of doing with Alice.

"At least wait until we get inside!" said Amanda as she opened the door. Roach looked at his parents with wide, shocked eyes. Amanda and David Sr. froze, they had forgot all about him. They all looked at each other awkwardly waiting for someone to break the ice.

"So...how was your night with out us?" asked Amanda for lack of anything else. Roach smiled and made an 'OK' sign with his fingers. He knew not to tell his parents about Donna's party so he decided to pretend that he had a boring time alone at home. He pulled his sleeve down over the bite mark on his thumb, he didn't want to worry his parents.

"Really boring, huh?" asked David Sr. as he took in the room. The beer bottles and cans were all picked up but some of the pictures were crooked and the lamp shades were on the wrong lamps. David Sr. was all too sure that he wanted to know what had gone on last night. He was right.

"Yeah." said Roach standing with his parents uncomfortably. He wanted them to stop looking at him because he wasn't sure how long he could keep the lie up under pressure. Amanda took in her son's appearance and the general state of the room.

"Did anybody come over while we were...out?" asked Amanda crossing her arms. She wondered if he had other friends that she didn't know about over, she couldn't watch him twenty four hours a day. Roach shook his head 'no' a little too quickly. While this exchange was going on David Sr. had a thought; his children weren't due back for quite a while and his son could go to a friend's house for a bit.

"Really? No Alice, Fool, or any other friends come over while we were out?" asked Amanda looking him right in the eye. Roach couldn't meet her gaze and that lead her to believe that he might have had someone over. She then noticed the bruise on his head and the way he was pulling his sleeve down.

"Davey, why are you doing that with your sleeve? Are you hiding something?" asked Amanda. Roach shook his head no and put his hands deep into his pockets successfully hiding the bite mark on his thumb. Amanda was about to press on but David Sr. interrupted her.

"Honey, I'm sure that whatever he did is as much our business as what we did is as much his business." said David Sr. in a suggestive tone. Both Amanda and Roach wanted to die at that moment because of the embarrassment. Roach cleared his throat and looked down at his slightly deformed feet as Amanda glared at David Sr..Amanda gave him a long look and David Sr. gave her a suggestive look, then motioned to the stairs, then motioned to Roach, then to the door. Amanda got the message and nodded 'yes'.

"David, here's my wallet, go have fun." said David Sr. as he handed Roach his wallet. Roach took it with confusion not quite understanding what his father meant. Amanda was shocked by what was happening and David Sr. shrugged his shoulders.

"Go buy stuff for a few hours then stay at a friends house for a few more hours." said Amanda hoping that her son wouldn't spend every penny David Sr. had. Roach made an OK sign with his fingers and went to get his shoes. David Sr. on the other hand couldn't wait and practically pushed his son out the door.

"My soos!(My shoes!)" said Roach as he was led out the door. Amanda was just as anxious as her husband but she still thought about her son. She worried about him when he left the house but she knew that he was fifteen not five and she had to let him spread his wings and fly away. Roach was about to protest again but he remembered that he had to be a good boy and allowed himself to be led out the door.

"You can buy new shoes!" said David Sr. as he slammed the door. There was some arguing form inside the house before Amanda opened the door and handed him his scuffed sneakers. Roach thanked her in his own tongueless way and put his shoes on. He tucked the wallet in his back pocket and decided to go and see what Alice was up to. He set out in the blinding sun as best he could but it took him twice as long to get to her house. It would be worth it though.

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Debbie was supposed to be watching Alice but she was watching TV instead. She gave Alice a box of her old clothes which ranged from old church clothes to lingerie to dress up in. Alice was currently dressed in a pure white baby doll stuffing tissue into the bra cups. She applied heavy makeup and used a lot of hairspray to try and make her hair look like the hair of one of the women in the magazines under Roach's bed. She knew that he found those women attractive and she was practicing being attractive for him.

"I'm pretty, so pretty. I'm pretty for you, Roach." said Alice as she laid down on her bed and posed like the woman in the magazine. She did a few more poses and faced her full length mirror. What she saw was not the good girl she pretended to be. She saw a very bad girl and she loved it. She put on a pair of old high heels Debbie gave her and she stumbled a bit before she more or less got the hang of walking in them.

"I'm so bad and I love it. Alice was a good girl but this new girl, I'll call her Allie, is so bad and she loves it. I'm Allie and I love it." said Alice to her unrecognizable reflection. She missed the good girl dresses she usually wore but this was also good to her. She loved the thin, white, silk straps that looked like they could fall down at any moment. She loved the way that only the front part that covered her breasts wasn't see-through but the rest that fell to just below her butt and it opened in the front revealing her white silk underwear. Unbeknownst to her Roach had just gotten to her house and Debbie let him in. He took a moment to take in Debbie's appearance before going up to Alice's room. Alice was still in front of her full length mirror in the white silk baby doll when Roach entered her room. Roach wasn't noticed by Alice but he sure noticed her. He was speechless as he saw her talk to herself in front of the mirror and pose like a Playboy centerfold. Alice noticed him the mirror and gasped. She tried to cover herself and Roach felt bad about watching her but he couldn't help himself. He had seen her naked before but she looked even better when some thing were barely left to the imagination.

"Roach! Why didn't you knock?!" said Alice trying unsuccessfully to cover herself by closing the baby doll. It didn't really help matters but Roach took it as a sign that he should put one of her decorative pillows over his waist. Alice felt a bit violated that Roach saw her but she in a way wanted him to see her. She had seen the way he was pitching himself a little tent and she knew that it meant he liked what he saw.

"Sowree Uhliss, reewee. I shud uv nuked.(Sorry Alice, really. I should have knocked)" said Roach trying to look her in the eye. She felt a bit better that he had apologized and the fact that he was once again seeing her naked or in this case almost naked. She then had an idea that was sneaky but exciting.

"It's alright, I forgive you. Hey Roach, since you saw me than maybe I can see you?" asked Alice as her eyes went to his groin. Roach stuttered and blushed before nodding his head 'yes', he couldn't say no to Alice. He didn't really want her to see him because of the state that he was in and there was a strange feeling, not unlike the feeling he got whenever stray hands would wander down his pants. He felt tears collect behind his eyes but he blinked them back, put on a happy face, and nodded yes.

"Do you want to or should I?" asked Alice as she closed her door and put a chair in front of it so that Debbie couldn't bust in on them as she had on Alice in the past. That made Roach nervous but he still had to oblige Alice. He pulled his shirt over his head and for the first time noticed something that looked like small bruises on his chest but he took those as the result of him hurting himself in his sleep.

Alice watched him and she traced his muscles after he pulled the shirt off over his head. Roach didn't want her to touch him but he still wanted her to be happy.

"Y-You have a nice body." said Alice, her stutter getting more pronounced with nervousness and excitement. Roach smiled and traced her collar bone. She nodded 'yes' knowing fully well what he wanted. He undid the small silk bow that held the two halves of her baby doll together. It swung open revealing her breasts to him. He pushed it off of her gently and watched as it fell to the floor. She smiled and looked down. She was completely exposed for him and she loved it. He kissed each of her nipples and she blushed. She brought her hands down to his jeans zipper. He didn't want her to take his pants off but he stood up and tossed to decorative pillow onto the floor. She pulled down his pants and his boxers at the same time. She stared at his erection and he felt sick. He was feeling violated but he tried his best to push those feelings to the pit of his stomach. She just stared a bit before giving the tip a feather light touch. He shuddered and she looked up at him with her wide, doe like eyes. He swallowed the growing lump in his throat and laid down on his back on her bed. She then decided to touch him in his most sacred place and he let her. The more she touched the more violated he felt but he let her. She began to touch him more and more like a lover and less and less as a curious friend. He cried as he felt himself let out a bit of pre-cum. Alice touched it out of curiosity. Roach began to flashback to what had happened to him. He put her pillow over his face so that she would see the silent tears that were streaming down his face.

_'I can't believe you're still a virgin.' _Roach remembered how that was uttered at him the first time he ever sold himself for a place to sleep. Alice continued to touch him, especially in places that made him pre-cum. Roach didn't tell her to stop.

_'You're so young, so fresh.' _remembered Roach as Alice began to focus on the head. He dug his nails into the mattress tearing at it a little as he remembered how those words were uttered into his ear as he woke up with cum all over him. Roach didn't tell her to stop.

_'Relax, it'll feel good. Trust me. You're my little Roachy boy.' _remembered Roach as Alice took a bit of his pre-cum on her finger and licked it. This led Alice to remember something that she had seen Debbie do to a boy when she was hiding in Debbie's closet. She kissed it softly at first not all to sure of what she was doing but sire that it was alright because Debbie had done it. This made Roach cry even more but Alice didn't notice, she was too wrapped up in making him feel good. She assumed that if it felt good when she got touched there then it would feel good for him too. Roach didn't tell her to stop.

_'You're my whore boy, Cockroach! I'm making you my whore boy and you love it!' _remembered Roach as Alice performed an unskilled fellatio. She knew that Debbie did this so she assumed that it was OK. Debbie had told her that boys liked stuff like that after all. Roach could feel himself nearing his peak and he wanted her to stop but he couldn't bring himself to tell her too. He would do anything for her, even if it mean reliving what they had done to him. She began to get enthusiastic and it was hurting him physically as well. Roach didn't tell her to stop.

_'Roach, cut it out! Wait, don't!' _remembered Roach. That confused him greatly because it was Fool who said that. That was part of his nightmare which made it the most confusing of all. He gripped the back of Alice's head as he felt a jolt of pleasure go through him when Alice found a particularly sensitive spot. This made Alice proud as she licked there again. She felt like good that she was doing something worse than speaking evil with her tongue and it only increased her excitement. She had never felt so good being so bad. Roach didn't want to tell her to stop.

_'You're gonna like this, Cockroach. 'Bout time you had a woman.' _ remembered Roach as Alice began to get the hang of it. He remembered how Headbanger took pity on him and 'helped' him out. She had seen the pain he was and decided to make it good for him. It was. This was a pleasant memory for him and it helped him along. He ran his fingers through her hair and he pretended that she was Headbanger. Alice liked what he was doing and it encouraged her to keep going. She didn't notice that he was crying, all she could see was a tuft of blondish brownish hair going in and out of her vision. Roach didn't ask her to stop.

_'Suck on it! Cockroach, this makes you bitch! I own you, bitch!' _Roach could hear Boss' voice clear as crystal in his head as he reached his peak. He moved the pillow from his face as he gasped and grunted. Alice didn't have time to ask him what he was doing because she got a mouth full of his seed. Her eyes widened as something warm and bitter his the back of her throat and coated her tongue. She coughed and spat it onto her bed and floor while Roach cried. He felt worse than he had ever felt before because he relived all of what happened to him in that moment of intense pleasure but also intense mental pain. He cried as he watched Alice choke on his seed. Alice eventually stopped choking and spitting, she was pleased with herself. She and Debbie had gotten to talking before and she knew that was what boys did when it couldn't get any better for them and she was proud that she could make Roach feel so good. One look at Roach's tear streaked face however made her feel like the trash of the Earth.

"R-Roach, d-d-did I do something wrong?" asked Alice as she saw him wipe his eyes. Roach couldn't stop crying and that worried Alice. She took some of the tissue out of the bra cups of her baby doll and handed it to him. He wiped his eyes as he cried but he couldn't stop. This worried Alice and she tried to put a hand on his back to comfort him but he tensed up. He pulled his pants up and stopped crying when he realized that he was still in Alice's room and it was in fact Alice who had done that to him. Alice looked scared, she had never seen him cry like that before and she thought that she had done something wrong. Roach felt bad that he had hurt her feelings, his feelings never crossed his mind. All that mattered to him was Alice, nothing else.

"Roach? Are you OK?" said Alice as she kept a small amount of distance between her and Roach. She didn't want to upset him again but she also wanted to know what she had done wrong. Roach looked her right in the eye and motioned for her to sit next to him. She reluctantly sat next to him on her now rather sticky bed. He hugged her as his way of telling her that everything was alright but she didn't hug back. She was afraid of him and afraid for him. He wanted to kiss her but he didn't want to taste his own cum, even he had his limits.

"Roach, wh-why did yo-you d-do that?" asked Alice timidly. Roach felt bad that he had made her feel like that, his own feelings came second to him. Roach shhed her and kissed her neck going down her chest to her breasts. She held his head there and momentarily forgot about her nervousness. As he did that he remembered who taught him how to do that; Headbanger. He wanted to tell her what happened to him but he didn't like to tell her bad things like that. He just wanted her to be happy and free of the demons that plagued him. As he did that she noticed some of the bruises on his head but she said nothing, she knew that he hurt himself sometimes. He wanted to tell her about what happened to him just to get it off his chest but Alice was just to innocent to know about such things. He kissed lower and lower until he got to her pure white silk and lace underwear. He looked at her and she nodded 'yes'. Roach smiled and pulled them down slowly wanting to savor what he saw. He saw her naked once again and it made him want her even more. He was going to take her to heaven and back to make up for upsetting her. He worked one finger around her entrance, than another, and another. She was clutching a pillow to her chest from the pleasure, it had never felt that good when she did it. Roach didn't penetrate her, he was afraid to do it. He had never been penetrated and he was afraid of hurting her like he was afraid of getting hurt. When she thought that it couldn't get any better he worked his tongue stump around her to the best of his ability. Alice could feel herself building toward her orgasm and she pushed his head into her womanhood. He took that as a sign that she was getting close to her climax and he went faster using his fingers and tongue stump.

"Roach!" screamed Alice as she came. Roach ate her cum as she came into his mouth. He came as she came and he dug his fingers deep into her pink and sticky sheets. She began to cry out his name and hold him tight, she had never felt that good before in her life. It was like someone set off a firework of pleasure deep within her. When she calmed down he laid next to her and she buried her face in his chest, still taking in deep and heavy breaths. They sat there in the afterglow like lovers but they didn't say that they loved each other, it didn't need saying. After a while they got up and got dressed in their clothes. Alice put the baby doll back on, not wanting to take it off. Roach didn't want her to take it off either, it made her look like a bad girl and he loved hit. They stood in an awkward silence for a few moments before they heard a knock at the door.

"What are you guys, like, doing in there?" giggled Debbie from the other side of the door. Alice and Roach exchanged a panicked look before Alice scrambled to get her clothes back on while Roach re made the bed.

"Nothing!" said Alice not realizing how loud she and Roach had been. Roach didn't say anything as he fixed the bed as quickly as he could. Debbie smirked from the other side of the door, she knew that her sister wasn't nearly as innocent as she claimed to be. Debbie asked again just as Alice pulled the pink jumped dress on over her white t-shirt. Roach then sat on the bed nonchalantly as Debbie pushed the door open with some force because of the chair that was in the way. She didn't need a recap of what happened, their appearance and the fact that the room smelled like sex was enough of a recap for her. They looked at each other for a moment before Debbie decided that it was best for her to leave the room. When she left Roach and Alice both visibly relaxed and Alice fixed her hair and clothes. Roach took that time to think about what they had just done. That was the most intimate thing they had ever done but it also made him nervous as to what they would do next. If he felt that bad when she touched and went down on him then he wouldn't know what he would do if they were ever to actually have sex. He wondered why Alice even did that, she was becoming less and less like the Alice he had grown up with and more and more like someone he had never met before. Maybe this new person was Alice and the person Alice used to be was what Mommy and Daddy made her. He stopped contemplating when Alice sat down next to him and handed him a glass of water that was most likely stale from the time it had spent on her dresser. He drank it to wash the taste of her out of his mouth. They sat there in an awkward silence just enjoying each other's company.

"D-Do you-you want to-to pl-play pick up sticks? I-I have that game y-you know." asked Alice nervously twisting the hem of her dress between her fingers. She only asked because she wasn't sure of what to do besides sit on her bed but that was getting boring. Roach nodded 'yes' and went with her to her bookshelf to play the game. They were back to the way they were when they were just best friends now and it felt good for them. It carried a hint of nostalgia as they played a game of their childhood still slightly afraid that someone would come up and stab them with the sticks. They played for half an hour before Alice won. Roach let her win but he didn't tell her that. After that they just laid next to each other on her bed just talking.

"Roach, can I ask you something?" asked Alice as she laid on Roach cradled in his arms like a small child. They were in their own private love tunnel and they loved it. They didn't mind the slightly sticky sheets or the smell that had not completely left the room, the only thing that mattered was that they had each other. Alice still wanted to know why he had freaked out when she touched him though, he had never answered her question.

"Yeah?" asked Roach as he rubbed her back hating the feel of her scars under his hand. They were the scars that Mommy and Daddy had made on her perfect skin and they made him very angry. He didn't show it though, there was no need to upset her twice in one day. Alice had similar feelings about the scars on his body but she also kept her feelings to herself.

"Why did you cry like that?" asked Alice looking him straight in the eyes. Her brown eyes locked onto his blue ones and he looked away. He couldn't bear to tell her about what had been done to him, he didn't want to relive it and he didn't want her to know what a whore he was. He did things that would make anyone cringe and he really didn't want to share them with Alice. Alice wanted to know, she had the nagging fear that she had done something wrong.

"(Like what?)" asked Roach avoiding the question. He turned his head away from hers and faced her pink lamp. Alice knew that he was avoiding her question and she wouldn't let him, not this time. Roach wanted her just to drop it but she wasn't going to until she got her answer.

"You were crying after you squirted that stuff into my mouth. Did I do something wrong?" asked Alice in a small voice. She was afraid of the answer knowing that it may have very well been her fault that Roach had cried like that. Roach felt bad that she thought that it was her fault and that made him want to clear things up for her. He didn't want to tell her but he would do anything for her.

"(They did that to me.)" said Roach quietly still keeping his head turned away from hers. He was starting to cry again but he needed to tell someone, anyone. He knew that he could tell Alice anything and she would keep it to herself but telling her might also upset her again.

"What?" asked Alice confused. The people in the cellar were all boys to her, that was what Mommy and Daddy told her, so how could boys do that to other boys? She wanted Roach to elaborate but he seemed to be on the verge of another breakdown. Roach decided to be selfish for once in his life ad get it off his chest. She was asking him after all.

"(What you did to me they did to me too. I didn't want them to but they did.)" said Roach drying his tears to be strong for Alice. Alice rolled off of him and rested her head in the crook of his arm. She kissed him in an attempt to make him feel better and it did. She still had lots of questions for him and she hoped that he would answer. Roach on the other hand didn't want to answer any more questions on the subject.

"How did they did they do that to you if they were boys too?" asked Alice as she dried a few of Roach's tears. Roach rolled away from her so that she wouldn't see him cry as he began to relive it again. He was feeling something akin to resentment for Alice and he hated himself for it. It wasn't Alice's fault that she was curious, in his mind it was his for bringing out that curiosity in her. Alice took him turning away as a sign of resentment and she decided not to ask any more questions.

"(They didn't care about that anymore and there were two girls down there.)" said Roach as he stopped crying. He loved Alice and she felt bad about telling her these things because to him she had no need to know. He risked a glance at her and found her not to be upset like he had imagined but in fact worried. He sat up, rolled over so he was half on her, and gave her a tender kiss. She returned if but she still had lots of questions for him. She didn't ask them though, she didn't want him to cry anymore. They laid on her bed for a bit more before they got bored. Roach then remembered that he had his father's wallet in his pocket.

'(Alice?)" asked Roach quietly. He wanted to take her somewhere, on a date or as friends, but he was afraid that she had fallen asleep. He brushed a lock of her brown hair from her face and she smiled. Her head was buried in his neck and she was breathing deeply. Alice however had not been asleep but day dreaming about what she and Roach had done earlier that day. She was a bit confused by what happened, how he had cried afterward because of what happened to him, how he knew how to make her feel amazing, and why he seemed so bothered that the people under the stairs had done something to him that felt so good.

"Hmm?" asked Alice as she left her day dream. She looked Roach straight in the eye and he looked into her eyes. They saw nothing but love for each other. He ran a hand through her bangs and she kissed the tips of his fingers. He smiled at her and almost told her he loved her. He did love her but he couldn't bring himself to say it for some odd reason.

"(Do you want to go somewhere with me?)" asked Roach now laying on his side so that he could face her. She did the same and nodded 'yes'. This made Roach very happy and he gave her a peck on the lips. He worried about the third date because of his reaction to the fooling around on her bed but he also anticipated sharing himself with Alice like that. Alice was excited about going somewhere with Roach and she was sure that Debbie would let her go, she let her do anything she wanted.

"Wh-where woul-would we g-go?" asked Alice who hoped that they were going to the movies again. She wanted to be in the dark with him again and kiss him with her tongue. She loved being with him and he loved being with her. Roach was thinking of going to the park and buying her an ice cream and pushing her on the swing.

"(The park, maybe we could get an ice cream and then I could push you on the swing. I think that it'd be fun.)" said Roach as he ran his fingers up and down her soft, silky, scarred arm. She blushed as he did this and she nodded 'yes' to what he said. He smiled and gave her a lingering kiss and she slipped him her tongue. Their tongues danced in his mouth and all the while he felt bad because he couldn't do the same for her. It was one of the many things he resented about not having a tongue. After they finished tongue kissing they left, Alice taking it upon herself to leave a not for Debbie who had gone to have some fun. They walked hand-in-hand to the park like boyfriend and girlfriend. When they got there Roach bought Alice a cherry popsicle and he got the an ice cream sandwich. That was another thing that he hated about not having a tongue, he couldn't eat ice cream in public without getting unwanted attention. He watched her lick the popsicle and it brought back memories of what happened earlier that day between them. He watched her lick the length of it and occasionally lick it as she put it inside of her mouth. Alice was doing this on purpose, she liked this power she held over him. Her eyes ever so discreetly went to his groin and she could see that what she was doing was having the desired affect. She then remembered what she and Fool had done in the woods all those weeks ago.

"D-Do you wan-want t-to go to th-the wood-woods?" asked Alice as she motioned to one of the more woodsy parts of the park. Roach looked at her an cocked an eyebrow wondering what could be so interesting in the woods. Alice brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and gave him a suggestive look. He then understood what she wanted to do and he nodded 'yes'. They held hands as they walked into the woods, Roach feeling the condom in his pocket that his father had given him and he had taken just in case. They walked deep into the woodsy part until they heard cries of ecstasy. They blushed and were about to leave until they recognized the voices. What they saw next they would never forget.

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Fool had managed to slip into his apartment unnoticed. His mother was back to work and the rest of his family was still asleep, he was grateful for that. Fool had stopped crying as he walked home but now he could feel fresh tears collecting at the corners of his eyes. He felt very dirty, like he had just rolled in some garbage. He decided to take a long, hot shower to make himself feel clean again. He turned the water on full blast but went in fully dressed. He didn't want to look at himself. He winced when he moved, he still felt like he had been torn in half. He sat at the bottom of his bathtub and cried. He curled into a ball and just let the water hit him. He hated Roach. He hated himself. He hated everything.

**'What the hell happened last night?! I know what happened last night! I did it with Roach! Roach! A guy! I lost it to a guy! He popped my cherry, like I was a girl! Did I want it? Did I like it? Am I gay? I wish that I could remember. I'm not gay! Did he rape me? He wouldn't do that, would he? He's messed up but he wouldn't do something like that would he? ' **thought Fool as he sat under the warm but not too hot water, his apartment didn't get really too much hot water. He was beginning to calm down but he was still in pain. He didn't want his first time to be like that, he imagined something romantic with a girl, not something sloppy and painful with a guy. He wasn't gay, he was sure of that but he was beginning to have his doubts. He felt like he needed to prove that he was straight and he knew just how to do it. He then got out of the shower and took his wet clothes off. He looked in the mirror and noticed the hickeys and bruises that now decorated his body. His lip was swollen and he had bruises on his shoulders the exact size and shape of Roach's long fingers. He cried a bit but then decided to suck it up and be a man. He went to his room in nothing but a towel and got dressed quickly so he didn't wake his siblings up.

"Fool! Where the hell you been all night! You had me worried sick!" yelled Ruby as she entered his room. She had been in charge of her children and siblings that night and she was worried about Fool. She didn't call the police because Fool might have been involved in something illegal and she didn't want him going to jail. He was already in enough trouble already.

"I-I slept over at Roach's house and I forgot to call." said Fool. It was true, he did sleep over and with Roach that night but he wasn't going to tell her how he lost his virginity to his slightly unbalanced friend.

"How the hell did you forget all night?! I'm tellin' mama 'bout this! You like making her stressed Fool? She might get sick again!" said Ruby waking the other children in Fool's room. Fool wanted to tell Ruby to shut the fuck up but he bit his tongue. Ruby was like his mother when his mother was sick or away.

"I'm sorry, OK? I just lost track of the time." said Fool who would say anything to get his sister out of his room.

"You stay here until mama comes back tonight Fool. She'll punish ya. I gotta go make breakfast." and with that Ruby left. Fool gave her the finger as she left and then flopped down on his bed. His siblings knew better than to pester him so they went to eat their breakfast. He felt himself fall into a deep sleep because he hadn't done much of that last night.

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_Fool's head was banging against the headboard of Roach's bed painfully. Roach had him pinned to the Headboard and was crying as he thrust in and out Fool's opened mouth. He was gagging and his mouth was stretched as far as it could go, droll was running down his face and his tongue was wedged painfully against the invading member.. With every thrust he took in a breath and let another breath out, Roach seemed to like it. Fool was both scared and excited. He could feel his own climax coming and he never wanted it to come. His head was hitting the headboard and his wrists were pinned above him by a pair of strong hands. Fool wasn't enjoying this and neither was Roach apparently._

"_Yoowr guhu lehk diss!(You're gonna like this!)" said Roach as he neared the point of climax. He was crying as he went in and out of Fool's mouth. He was crying the entire time. Fool's head was killing him and he could no longer feel his wrists but he was in no position to be making demands. Bang, bang, bang was the sound that his aching head was making as it banged against the wooden headboard. The banging was all that he could hear above Roach's crying. His vision was slightly out of focus because he was slightly tipsy but no where as drunk as Roach was._

"_Swahoh ih!(Swallow it!)" said Roach as he pushed Fool head into him making Fool take even more of him down his throat. Fool couldn't understand Roach very well due to his tipsy state but he understood what he wanted and swallowed all of the warm cum as he could. He gagged and some of it went to the corners of his mouth and his chest. All he could see was a tuft of brownish blondish hair right in front of his. Roach then allowed him to pull away and Fool flopped down on the bed to catch his breath. Roach was still crying loud shaking sobs and Fool felt sorry for him. He also didn't know weather he should have stayed or went. He wanted to get out of there but he also vaguely wanted to stay and be with Roach some more. He put a reassuring hand on Roach's back and Roach just cried some more. He felt sorry for his friend and he wasn't thinking straight due to the alcohol in his system. He offered Roach a can of bear he found on the floor and Roach took it gratefully. After taking a few sips he began to kiss Fool forcefully. Fool who wasn't thinking straight at the time kissed back with equal force, even forcing his tongue into Roach's mouth. Roach forced him onto his stomach and he knew what was coming next. He didn't fight it, he wanted it to a degree. He was now drunk because he had also drank from the can of beer that he had given Roach and he had tasted the strong liquor it was laced with. Roach spat inside of him to make it go easier._

"_Be gentle, please?" asked Fool as he braced himself for what was coming. Roach smiled and nodded before pushing himself into Fool. Fool was in pain but he took almost all of Roach inside of himself. The only person who said 'no' after that was Roach._

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He felt like he had to prove that he couldn't possibly like what he and Roach had done and he had to prove it. He went quietly out of his room and then out his apartment door. He snuck out of his apartment complex and prepared to make the long trek to where the only girl he was currently involved with lived. He would have preferred Alice but he and her had a bit of a falling out so he had to go with his second choice, Trysta. She didn't look as old as she claimed to be but she was still a strangely nice if not a bit inexperienced girl. Actually, it was mainly the 'girl' part he was interested in. He hoped that she went along with what he wanted because he really felt like he needed to prove to himself that he wasn't gay and couldn't have possibly enjoyed what went on between him and Roach. The walk to her grandparent's house was uneventful so it left him some time with his thoughts.

**'Am I really gonna use 'er like this? I ain't really usin' 'er if she wants it, right? I gotta prove that I ain't gay! I gotta! I gotta do it with a girl to prove it even if that girl is Roach's sister!' **thought Fool as he walked down the seemingly endless road. He was having his doubts about his plan, especially since he didn't have any protection. He worried about getting her pregnant but that took a back seat to the worries that he had about his heterosexuality. He walked up to the porch and was about to knock before he noticed Trysta reading a book on the porch swing completely unaware of her surroundings.

**'OK Fool, play it cool. Don't just jump straight in, take your time. Washington told me that before h bailed on Ruby, turns out that guy was good for somethin' after all.' **thought Fool as he walked right up to her. Trysta looked up when she saw something blocking her light.

"H-Hey Trysta, what's up?" asked Fool nervously. Trysta was startled to hear Fool's voice and she stood up and closed her book. She gave him a peck on the lips like she had seen her mother do for her father. Fool was surprised but kissed back as best as he could in his nervous state. This made Trysta very happy because to her it confirmed his feelings for her. This was as far as she thought that their physical would only go that far. How wrong she was!

"Nothin' much. You?" asked Trysta when she pulled away from him. She smiled and blinked her light brown eyes at him and he laced his fingers with hers. He was going to ease her into it, play it cool. Trysta looked very much like the naïve ten year old she was when she giggled and looked down at her shoes.

**'I feel like crap because I slept with your big brother last night after getting drunk off my ass at a party I wasn't even supposed to be at.' **thought Fool as he sat down on the swing. Trysta followed his lead and sat down too all the while still holding his hand. She liked holding his hand almost as much as she liked holding Roach's hand. Almost. She gave his hand a little squeeze because she could see that something was bothering him.

"I'm OK." was what Fool said. They sat down on the swing for a bit listening to Trysta's grandmother curse at Trysta's mother through the phone and the loud static sounds that the ancient black and white TV. They kissed a few more times and Fool wanted to ask her to sleep with him even though he knew that he was taking things too fast. Trysta felt nervous but she tried her best not to show it from fear of rejection. She now considered Fool to be her slightly older boyfriend. Slightly older black boyfriend and for both of those reasons she didn't want her grandparents to know about him. They weren't as accepting as she was sure that her parents would be. Well, her mother would most likely approve, her father had sworn to chase any boys that came to see her away with an ax and a chainsaw.

"So, how long you gonna be here?" asked Fool trying to make conversation. Trysta tucked a bit of brownish, blondish hair behind her ear out of nervousness before answering. She was very inexperienced at talking to boys that she wasn't related to.

"Actually I'm goin' back home today. My parents go on this once a month date thing but really they just wanna do it away from home so that we can't hear them." said Trysta who really didn't want to think about what her parents did when she wasn't around. That was one reason why she was considered the family nomad, she wanted to get away from them.

"Oh." said Fool as he realized that if he wanted to see her after this it would mean coming into contact with Roach. Trysta missed the tone in his voice and she took it as him thinking that her grandparent's house would be her new home.

"Well Fool, what did you think? That I was going live here from now on?" asked Trysta biting back laughter. Fool rolled his eyes at what she said thinking that she knew perfectly well by what he meant by that comment.

"C'mon Trysta, you know what I meant." said Fool

"R-Right Fool. I-I'm just bein' funny." said Trysta twisting her oddly colored braid, a bit of her hair getting snagged on her overly large mood ring. Fool noticed and helped her get it unstuck. They're eyes met and he gave her a tender kiss. Morgan who had come to the door to alert his sister of the changing of the cartoon show had seen this kiss and was now screaming about it to Trysta's grandparent's.

**'Time for this nomad to say sayonara! I'll probably go to the arcade, I wonder if Fool'll come too. That would be good because he's my-my...boyfriend. It feels good to say...err rather...think that. I wonder if he wants to go to sears and switch the head on the manikins. No, gotta age it up.' **thought Trysta as she thought of places that an older person would like to go. The park and the movies came to mind.

"Do-Do you wa-wanna go to the park?" asked Fool suddenly out of the blue. He wanted to get the whole entire thing over with. He felt bad about using Trysta like that but it had to be done. Trysta gasped, he had taken the words right out of her mouth.

"S-Sure Fool, anything you want." said Trysta nervously as she got up from the swing. She had to get going quick or she'd have some explaining to do. This made Fool happy and he took her hand and they began to make their way to the park. They had light conversation as hey walked about their lives, likes and dislikes, and life in general. Trysta told a few more lies to keep up her appearance as a twelve year old. When they got there Trysta resisted the urge to run around and play as she was led to the more woodsy part of the park. This made Trysta nervous, she knew very well what people did in there away from the prying eyes of the world.

**'OK Fool, you can do this. It's now or never man. I just gotta go slow until we're...doin' it. I wish I had a rubber, I really do. I'm gonna be in a world of trouble when I get back though but it's gonna be worth it. I wish that she didn't look so much like Roach though but what can you do?' **thought Fool as he led Trysta over to a softer part of the ground. She wordlessly allowed herself to be led there. She wasn't sure if she was ready for it but she had made her bed and she was going to lie in it. He then began to kiss her going a bit deeper each time. She kissed back as best she could and resisted the urge to gag when his tongue found it's way into her mouth. He didn't notice, all he focused on was the act at hand.

**'Are we gonna do it? Whatever 'it' is? I mean I know that it has something to do with the fact that we're different between our legs and it involves a lot of loud noises and a bed. Well, the bed part is kind of irrelevant apparently. I should have thought this through! I'm such a moron! Well, I just gotta do this and then maybe break it off with Fool if I don't like it. I hope I do, Donna seems to like it.' **thought Trysta as she kissed him back to the best of her ten year old ability. Fool began to go further and undo her overall straps. After he did that he waited for a 'no' or a 'yes' from Trysta. She nodded 'yes' and Fool began to reach under her shirt to her training bra full of balled up socks. Trysta began to panic and quickly got rid of the socks socks. Fool wanted to ask what she did but she silenced him with a very deep kiss. She practically gagged him with her tongue but he went with it. He pulled her shirt over her head and she did the same thing to him. Now they were going on pure instinct even though it scared both of them. Neither of them was really ready to take this plunge into intimacy but they each had their own reasons. For Fool it was that he wanted to prove his heterosexuality and manhood and Trysta just wanted to make Fool happy. They didn't think of the long term effects of what they were doing and it would come back to bite them very soon.

**'OK, I just gotta get her pants off and then I can do it. I'm not even sure that I can but I gotta because I'm not gay. Doin' it with her is gonna prove that I ain't gay for Roach. Why do I suddenly think that this ain't the best idea?' **thought Fool as he began to slip into Trysta. Trysta could feel tears collecting in her eyes as he began to push himself into her inch by inch. It was extremely painful for Trysta who was very young and it just didn't feel right to Fool who was doing it for all the wrong reasons. Fool began to move in and out of Trysta and Trysta brought herself up to meet him. They were acting on the purest of instincts even if it was unpleasant for both of them.

**'Oh my god! This is real! This is really real! I'm doing it with Roach's little sister!' **thought Fool as he went in and out of Trysta awkwardly. He couldn't believe that he was actually doing it with her. This was both one of the best and worst experiences of his life. It was great because he was actually with a girl and he was sober but it was bad because this was only happening because he and Roach had had sex the previous night. To Trysta this was painful and awkward.

**'Oh God! Why does it hurt! He's so big it feels like he's splitting me in half! Why did I pretend to be twelve? Why?! If this is what teenagers do than I'm never gonna grow up!' **thought Trysta as she laid under Fool not really enjoying the act. She was slightly enjoying it as she got used to the feel of Fool inside of her but it was still a bit too much for her ten year old body to handle. Fool thrust in and out of her a few more times before he reached his peak inside of her. They wordlessly got dressed after that and went their separate ways not noticing that they had been watched the entire time.

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Messenger held Eloise's hand as they walked through the maternity ward of the hospital. They were going to see Headbanger and her and Messenger's baby. Messenger was excited at the thought of seeing his friend and newborn child but he was also apprehensive about being a father. As much as he tried he had trouble wrapping his mind around the idea of being responsible for the creation of another life. He clutched a wrapped box to his chest protectively, it was a box of clothes for the baby. His baby. Eloise had taken him to a baby store and he had picked out adorable dresses in all different sizes for his child. Only the best for his child. He wanted Miracle to have the life of an outsider because she was born on the outside. He knew that he wasn't meant for the outside world, none of the people under the stairs were, but that didn't mean that his child couldn't.

"We gotta go fast. Gotta see baby. It Messenger's baby so we gotta see it. Gotta! Just gotta!" said Messenger as he went as fast as his slightly deformed legs could go even though he had no idea where he was going. There were signs on the walls but he had no idea what they said. Eloise tried to lead him but her mind was on other things.

**'His child. My child had a child and now that child had a child! I didn't even know that they could rush blood tests like that. Hell, I didn't even know that they had his DNA on file. What am I gonna do about this baby? I'm not going to let it get institutionalized or stay with the mother. She's going to be unfit, she was raised by Eldon and Elmira after all. I'm going to have to take in and raise Messengers child, there's no way around it. I don't care what the mother says or thinks, she's probably been brainwashed like any of the other kids that they made or kidnapped.' **thought Eloise not quite sure how to handle the situation. She was trying to fill the void left by loosing her first child with Messenger but he was just too old but this baby could successfully fill the void. She knew that she was being very selfish but she didn't care. She had a bias against Headbanger because she had been raised by Mommy and Daddy before having her ears cut off and being put in the cellar.

"Is we goin' right way? Is we? Eloise new mother person?" said Messenger as they got closer and closer to the room that Headbanger was in. He was very excited at the idea of seeing her and the baby and it seeped into his distorted, lispy voice. He couldn't wait to see her and eh was trying his best to run which ended I him falling a few times ad almost ripping his overalls. He looked very much the part of a pale and malnourished child in his overalls and Mickey Mouse T-shirt but he didn't even notice.

"Huh? What?" asked Eloise who had momentarily zoned out. She was nervous about seeing Headbanger as well. From what she saw of the mute and malnourished client she was representing under the stairs opinion of her appeared to be very low. She hoped that she didn't get attacked by this person who was most likely unstable and violent. From what she heard from Messenger there was nothing to fear from this person she was about to meet but then again Messenger at raw meat and slept on the floor of his room.

"Messenger want know we right way go Headbanger see! You no ears got or somethin'?!" said Messenger loosing all sense of grammar, even in his sarcasm, as he got flustered from repeating himself. Messenger threw his hands up and stomped his feet like a child as he repeated himself. He didn't like to be ignored by her, she was a woman and therefore to him was lower than him.

"Yes Messenger, we're going the right way. No need to worry about us getting lost, OK? I know my way around this hospital." said Eloise as she stopped him. She got down to his level as she would have if he was a child. This made him feel happy and he smiled a metal toothed smile at her. Although his surroundings scared him she made him feel safer, she looked so much like his mother except for her age. She took in a deep breath as she attempted to tell him some truths that he might not like hearing.

"That good, you gonna like Headbanger! She friend! Yes, yes, yes!" said Messenger happily. That was something that she loved about him, his expressive nature. He shifted uncomfortably in his gym shoes, he really wanted to see Headbanger very badly.

"Do you think that you'll be taking care of this child, Messenger?" said Eloise who knew that his bubble needed to be busted eventually. He shrugged his shoulders, he always assumed that it was a woman's job to take care of the children but if it was different in the outside than he would have to go with the flow.

"If that what Messenger gotta do Messenger do it. Messenger gotta do what he gotta do! Yes, yes, yes!" said Messenger clapping his hands and jumping up and down a bit. Eloise shhed him and he stopped, much to her relief. This attracted the attention of several nurses but they stopped looking when Eloise gave them a dirty look.

"Do you think that you can, Messenger? Do you really think that you could take care of your own child?" said Eloise putting her hand on his stick thin arm. This question made him think and he didn't like the thoughts that he was having. He may have been the beets there ever was but he was still a slave, a toy for whoever wanted to use him and he could barely take care of himself.

"Not sure. Messenger not sure. What Eloise new mother person think? What think?" said Messenger truly not sure if he could take care of this child that he had helped bring into the world. Eloise knew that these questions answered themselves but she needed to know how Messenger felt about the whole thing. She was going to see if she could take in the baby just as she had taken in Messenger because no one in their right mind would have left the baby with Headbanger.

"I think that the baby should live with us. That way you can be a part of it's life." said Eloise slowly like she was talking to a small child. Messenger looked down, he wasn't sure that it was a good idea to make him a part if this child's life. She deserved better than him. He was a person under the stairs born and bread but this child was an outsider therefore she deserved an outsider.

"Not good idea." said Messenger quietly picking at the Velcro of his shoes. This confused Eloise and she decided to press on.

"What do you mean?" said Eloise looking Messenger right in the eyes. Messenger looked away, he didn't want to be seen. He didn't often go into deep thought about himself souly because he didn't like to realize himself. He was so many bad things and so few good things. He didn't want to admit that to himself, his child, or Eloise.

"Miracle baby outsider. Messenger not outsider. She need outsider 'cause she outsider. She need better person not Messenger." said Messenger displaying an amount of self awareness that Eloise hadn't previously seen.

"So you're saying that you're not good enough for her?" asked Eloise not sure of she was comprehending his broken english. Messenger nodded and looked down at the sterile linoleum. He didn't like having it said to him, that made it true. He wiped a tear from his eye ad began to walk in the direction they were going before. He was going more slowly now and that worried Eloise. She knew that he hurt himself and broke things when he was upset and she didn't want that to happen. Sometimes he was just like a small child but other times he was almost and adult. Messenger resisted the urge to cry as he had done his whole life. It worked better than before and that made him happy. He was also getting back to his previous state of excitement at the thought of seeing Headbanger and her new baby. He remembered the day he heard about the birth of Miracle.

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_Messenger was curled up in a ball in the corner of his room. He was trying to sleep the only way he could when he hadn't just been used. He was in a light sleep dreaming about giant killer dogs and a labyrinth that he dared not explore. He loved his dreams, there he was truly free. _

"_What do you mean it's his?! I want to speak with your supervisor." said Carolina from down in the kitchen it was early evening and Messenger was trying to sleep until dinner. Without what he usually did for the people under the stairs or the battery of daily tests that he was given at the institution. The loud talking woke him up and he decided to go downstairs and see what the shouting was about. He knew that Carolina wouldn't hurt him, she had told him that she wouldn't and she was very nice to him. He fell down the stairs once again, his legs were unaccustomed to that kind of work. He slowly limped into the kitchen. Carolina looked frazzled and he hid under the table and watched as she threw her hands up in frustration. _

"_Well, do the fucking test again!" said Carolina throwing her hands up in frustration. There was some pounding from the ceiling which was Eloise's way of asking her to keep it down. The loud noise scared Messenger and he went so far back the he bumped into a heavy wooden chair. It fell down taking the chair next to it and the table cloth with it, alerting Carolina to Messenger's presence._

"_Yeah? Why don't you just...? Don't you go bringing my mother into this! Oh yeah?! Well...goodbye." said Carolina hanging up the phone with a loud slam. She looked over at Messenger who was still crouched under the table shivering in fear. He looked so much like a child that it was hard for her to believe that he had fathered a child. She motioned for Messenger to come out and he reluctantly did. She then sat him down on one of the chairs that was still there and he looked at her with a mixture of fear and curiosity._

"_Messenger I have something very, very important to tell you." said Carolina taking his hands in hers. She knew that she had to break the news to him. She looking him right in the deep brown eyes and he avoided her gaze. He didn't like loud sounds, they worried him and made him remember things he'd rather forget._

"_What need tell Messenger, new person Carolina?" said Messenger swinging his legs like a child. Carolina took a deep breath and told him about Headbanger having his baby and the state wanting to take the baby away. When she was done Messenger had a blank expression on his face and there was a bit of drool running down his chin. Carolina wiped it off and took him to the couch. She could tell that he was shell shocked and she decided to just let him be. She didn't know why he was the way he was but she had a pretty good idea as to why. Messenger let it all sink in and then he began to laugh. Softly at first and then loudly like a maniac. This attracted the attention of both Eloise and Carolina. They rushed down and watched him laugh and run around with joy. All the while he was screaming about being a father and how Headbanger had given birth to his child._

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Messenger quietly entered Headbanger's room. She was asleep peacefully with her stomach still large but hollow and an IV in her arm. He walked up to her, brushed a lock of her red hair from her face, and kissed his lightly. There was no romance between them, just a very deep friendship. Headbanger's eye's fluttered open and for a moment she thought that she was still dreaming.

"Mm...Messenger? That you?" said Headbanger in a raspy voice. She had become exhausted by the birth and all the people who wanted to talk to her. Messenger smiled and nodded. She sat up and held him close to her, he was the last piece of the world she had grown up in and vise-versa.

"Where baby?" asked Messenger as Headbanger held him close. Everything had been so new and frightening to her ad she just needed some piece of normalcy. She knew that the people in charge wanted to take her baby away and she was never going to let that happen. They said that she had to prove she was a fit mother and that was what she was going to do.

"The white coats took her to another room because she came out of me too early." said Headbanger making room on her bed for him. Eloise walked up and helped him get into the bed with her. Headbanger gave her a confused look and Messenger took it upon himself to introduce her.

"This new mother Eloise! Take care Messenger! Take care Messenger good! Yes, yes, yes!" said Messenger introducing Eloise to Headbanger. Eloise gave a weak wave to the small ad frail person in the white hospital bed. She was pale and skinny with short greasy black hair. Headbanger was confused, she knew that she had heard that name before but she didn't know where.

**'Now where the hell have I heard that name before? Maybe I owe a favor? No, not this woman. This is a new woman. This is an old woman. Look at those scars on her wrists. They look just like mine. She looks a lot like me and Messenger. She looks like us, why? Oh my God! It's her! It's She-Who-Was-Tied-To-Bed! How the fucking hell did I forget what she looked like. I'm getting old. What am I now? Nineteen? Twenty? Nineteen. Why the hell is she here? This is all her fault! If she had gotten help than I could have been born an outsider and the blue shirts wouldn't want to take Miracle away!' **thought Headbanger as she studied Eloise's face. This made her uncomfortable and she excused herself from the room.

"Later see you will Messenger!" said Messenger getting his words mixed up like english was his second language. Eloise gave him a weak wave 'goodbye' and proceeded to wait outside of the hospital room for Messenger.

"Is good see you 'gain. Messenger miss you very much." said Messenger as he laid next to her his head resting on her enlarged chest. Headbanger ran her finger's through his short red hair, she had missed him too but she didn't say it to him. She was just too proud and too worried. She didn't want to live on the outside, it scared her. Everything was so new and so different that she just wanted her old life as Boss' slave back. It was a bad life but it was a life that she understood.

"Yes, it is. It really, really is." said Headbanger holding him close like a child. Besides her emotional discomfort she was also feeling much pain. Her chest had swollen from the amount of milk she had produced for the child and her IV was in very deep because she had pulled it out before.

"Like you boobs. They big now, like pillows" said Messenger burying his head in her chest. Headbanger scowled.

"They hurt like hell!"

"Why they hurt? What happened them to?"

"White coat said that they is full of milk for Miracle to drink." said Headbanger as she felt her breast to see how big it had gotten. It had swelled to about twice it's original size which was normal for a non severally malnourished person. Messenger didn't think anything sexual about it, they were just a place to rest his head and possibly get a drink. He often nursed from the women who had given birth to still borns.

"Messenger help." said Messenger pushing her hospital gown up over her chest. Headbanger knew what he was going to do and she let him. He began to breastfeed like an infant and she let him. Eloise noticed that they had stopped talking. She waited a moment before sticking her head in. When she did that she instantly regretted it as she was confronted with a horrible site.

"Stop that! For the love of God stop!" said Eloise pulling Messenger off of Headbanger. They both looked angry and confused at her and she then realized that they didn't know any better. They on the other hand didn't know and they thought that she was just being mean.

"What the hell was that?! You gotta a problem? We can take this outside if you want!" said Headbanger ready to fight as she had done for most of her nineteen years of life. This made Messenger nervous and he bit his already short, yellow, and stubby nails. Messenger didn't dare try and stop her, she outranked him in under the stairs society.

"I don't want any trouble here. I'll just be getting out of your hair now. Here I go." said Eloise nervously. Eloise put her hands up defensively and left again but not before giving them both a look. The people under the stairs scared her, all of them. She knew how violent they could get, especially Mommy and Daddy's blood children.

"I showed her. She got some nerve talkin' to me like that. Don't she know who I am?"said Headbanger in her best 'tuff guy' voice. She was a decent fighter and she wasn't afraid to show it, especially not to a trader like 'She-Who-Was-Tied-To-Bed'. The rest of the visit went well until Messenger brought up the subject of Headbanger's living situation and that worried her because she wasn't sure if she could bring her child with her.

"I just don't know what I'm gonna do! I'm just so worried!" said Headbanger. She proceeded to tell him about how she had to prove that she was a fit mother or her baby would be taken away. Messenger then got a good but poorly thought out idea. He suggested that Headbanger come and live with him. Headbanger flat out disagreed at first because she didn't want to be anywhere near Eloise but she eventually gave in to the idea.

"This gonna be great! Together forever! Headbanger Messenger together forever! Yes, yes, yes!" sang Messenger attempting to stand in Headbanger's bed. He fell and hurt himself but not too badly.

"Like husband and wife?" asked Headbanger. This made them both laugh.

"'cept Messenger wanna husband or a girl with a dick!" said Messenger laughing and joking with Headbanger just like old times. They both laughed and then proceeded to kiss. It wasn't romantic, just a show of their deep friendship. Eloise made Messenger leave when their tongues started getting involved. Messenger bid her ado as he left and he vowed to take the best care of his child as he could since Headbanger would be living with him. He forgot one crucial thing; Eloise's approval.

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"I want some reviews! Really? Yes really! Please. Do you people have any idea how long this takes to write? Weeks and weeks! Sorry about the rant there but it's been five chapters already. Five chapters!


	34. Important!

Hey you guys! This will be continued in part two called 'Roach the Trial'. Just letting you guys know.


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